


Make Your Own Choice

by escherlat



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2019-10-15 13:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 210,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17529392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escherlat/pseuds/escherlat
Summary: Dissatisfied with the two options she's presented during the storm, Max creates a new choice. Five years on, she struggles to come to grips with creating her own reality.





	1. Chapter 1

Max looked again at the address on her phone. Yes, this is the place. An old apartment complex is not what she expected. She eyed the sagging iron fence and dilapidated gates.

Cool it, Max, she told herself. Your place isn't that great either.

Taking one last look at the fading paint on the buildings, she bunched her shoulders and walked in. Whoever wrote the address paid attention to appearances. Building J studio 23, sounded much better than apartment 23. Opening the gate, which she realized had a broken lock, she began to have doubts.

The lady seemed so professional over email. Max didn't expect to find a game studio in such a place. Looking one more time at her phone, she locked it and stuck it in her pocket. Adjusting her backpack, which held her camera equipment and small portfolio, she walked under the trees toward the back of the complex.

Building J was the furthest from the entrance. A lot of the cars she passed looked like they haven't moved in months. Shouting came from some of the units, making her walk faster. She was starting to get nervous as she finally reached the building.

Taking a deep breath, she let it out, focusing on the way her body moved and responded to it. She did it a couple more times before starting the climb.

The stairs creaked and swayed under her as she went up the steps. With white knuckles on the banister she made it to the top. “If this works out I'll need to get used to that," she thought as she straightened her clothes and composed herself.

Movement sounded inside after her knock but no one came. Knocking again she began fumbling with a strap on her backpack. Please be here, she thought.

"One moment!" Came a voice from inside. It sounded young and female, or maybe that was just wishful thinking to put herself at ease. The door swung open a moment later. "Can I help you?" The young woman looking at Max had straight dark hair under a beanie and a dark hoodie.

Pasting a smile on her face, Max stuck out her hand. “Hi, I'm Max Caulfield." The woman looked at her blankly a moment before saying, "oh wow! I am rolling nothing but one's today. Come in! Come in!"

Holding the door wide, she stepped aside beckoning Max to enter. Wiping her feet, she stepped into a sparsely furnished, clean apartment. After closing the door, the woman led Max to a small table in the living room. “Can I get you a water or something?”

Max nodded, saying, “Yes a water would be great.” The nearest bus stop was a ten minute walk and, although the autumn day wasn’t too warm, she had built up a thirst on the hike. The woman, Steph she thought the name was, disappeared into the small kitchen. A moment later she returned, two bottles of water in hand. Giving one to Max, she ushered her into the living room.

Taking a seat at the table, she waved Max to a chair and cracked open the water. “So you're Max, and I'm Steph. I want to say the pics you shared look like just what we need."

Swinging her bag to the front as she sat, Max said, "Thank you. It's always great to hear praise for your art. Tell me more about what you need." Setting the bottle of water on the table she opened it but didn’t take a drink.

"My partner, Beth, and I are creating a video game. It's a narrative, choice-driven game where you play as a young woman," Steph said, leaning forward in her chair. "We want to model the environment after pictures of real places."

"And that's where I come in?" Max opened her bag to pull out her portfolio.

"Yes. Those samples you sent looked great. You said you had better shots in your portfolio."

Opening her portfolio Max slipped a few prints from it and placed them on the table. A young woman, a group of buildings, some wildlife.While Steph poured over them, Max opened the water and took a drink. Its coolness did much to calm and refresh her. Steph seemed nice, and rather enthusiastic over her project.

Right now the woman was making appreciative sounds over each of the prints Max placed on the table. Her eye in particular was drawn to the cluster of buildings. Max was particularly proud of that picture. She had captured the buildings at just the perfect time of day to bring some of their hidden lines into soft relief.

“In our email conversation you said you preferred to work with analog equipment,” Steph said as she moved on to the next picture.

Setting down the water bottle, Max looked at her portfolio. “Yes. I really like the feel the old analog cameras bring to my work. Especially when it comes to developing the film. There are so many tricks and things you can do both during exposure, and when developing, that bring a different life to the picture.”

She realized she was gushing about her art. Steph was staring at her with an unreadable look. Max shut her mouth with a click as a soft warmth crept up her neck.

“And the shots you’d do for us, would they be digital or analog?”

“It would be…according to what you need. Since you want to use the pictures in your video game, digital seems appropriate.”

Steph stared at her a while longer, the photo of the wildlife forgotten in her hand. At last she set it down. “No, I think what we need is the analog version. We can scan it in.”

Max opened her mouth to protest but Steph cut her off with a smile. “The passion you showed when speaking about old style pictures? That’s the passion Beth and I bring to our project. We want anyone we hire to bring a similar passion about their work.”

Swallowing her response, Max opened the bottle and took another swig. “So, uh…tell me about the shots you need, and payment.”

Still smiling, Steph said, “payment and shots were specified in the contract I sent you. Didn’t you read it?”

“Yes…ur I mean I had my lawyer read it.” Mom. I had my mom read it. She’s a lawyer.

Raising her eyebrows at that, Steph asked, “and what did your lawyer say about the contract?”

That it seemed way too short, but otherwise nothing was amiss. “That it was ok, both of our interests are protected.”

Nodding, Steph got up and walked to a small bookcase. It was crammed with books and papers and many other things. Pulling a folder from it, she walked back to the table and dropped it in front of Max.

“$5000 up front. We pay per shot, $50 for the ones we accept. A list of shots are outlined in Schedule A, which we can discuss in detail right now…if you’re interested.”

Max felt like her mouth was in her lap. $5000! She couldn’t remember having that much money at once. That was more than she got in two months at her other two jobs!

“Y-yes,” she stammered, trying to get a handle on herself. Steph was smiling at her funny as she reseated herself. I think I lost any additional negotiation I could have done, Max thought to herself.

The next hour or so was spent with the two of them hammering out details of each shot. There was a total of fifty shots requested, with four angles on each. If this worked out…something was fluttering strangely in Max’s stomach. She could put a serious dent in her student loan debt with this job.

At the end both she and Steph were satisfied with the details for each shot. Steph pulled out a laptop and transferred their notes to the contract. While she typed, Max finished her water and leaned back in the chair. She allowed herself to relax a little and looked around the apartment.

The room they were in was quite spacious, serving as both a dining room and living room. Its furniture looked like it had been transferred direct from a college dorm. She supposed it was. “When did you graduate,” she asked as her hands fiddled with the empty bottle.

“Huh? Oh, this past spring. Beth and I graduated at the same time. What about you?”

This past spring? They must be close in age then. “The same.” Steph grunted something and continued typing.

Max looked at the futon near her, a couple of colorful throw pillows decorated it. One had pictures of dice. Not the regular six-sided kind, but ones she hadn’t seen in a long time. “Do you play D&D?”

“Yeah, though it’s been a few months since our last session. Most of our time is spent on work and this game.”

Lifting her eyebrows at the comment, Max looked back at Steph. “Work? I thought you and Beth worked on the game full time?”

A snort issued from Steph and she stopped typing and looked up. “I wish. We have some grant money to help fund it. That’s what we’re paying you from. But it’s not enough to cover our living expenses and develop a game. Beth and I also have part time jobs to cover our expenses.”

Shifting uncomfortably, Max returned her gaze to her lap. “Ah, I thought maybe she was out and that you just worked on the game all the time.”

“Really I wish that is how it was. When we got the grant money we were so excited. Beth wanted to throw this huge party to celebrate, among other things.”

Her typing stopped again and Steph looked away from Max into the distance. “Of the two I’m the practical one. Once I pointed out all the things we needed, Beth…understood. She didn’t like it, but she agreed to it.” Her gaze returned to Max, a broad smile now on her face. “We still had a party, but it was mostly a private one and in a budget we could afford.”

Max wondered what that would be like, to have a party. She hadn’t been to a party since…well since forever. Her fingers began peeling back the label on the bottle as she waited for Steph to finish the contract.

The TV in the corner, with several game consoles under it, captured her attention. Ooh, games, she thought, the last game I played was Hawt Dawg Man with… Shaking her head to wrest the thought from it, she looked down. Her fingers had removed the label in little strips now piled on her lap.

Shooting a glance at Steph, Max carefully picked up the bits of paper and dumped them in her bag.

“All done!” Max looked up almost spilling the paper on the floor. Steph was rising from the chair. A loud noise from the corner drew her eyes. A small printer rested on a TV tray, currently spitting out paper. Steph grabbed the papers, straightened them, and returned to place them in front of Max. “Check them and make certain all the details we discussed are right.”

Scanning each page, Max found that Steph was very scrupulous in capturing all their notes. “These are great,” she said, placing them on the table.

“Nothing to change then?”

“No, you got all the details correct.”

“All that’s left then is to sign.”

Picking up the pen, Max turned her attention to the contract. Initialing each page, she worked her way to the end of the document. A little thrill went through her at seeing her business name: TimeStop Photography, L.L.C.

This was her first official job that was close to what she really wanted to do. Weddings, graduation photos, family reunions and similar were ok. They were not what she wanted. She wanted to do Art. She was practical though and knew the other jobs were what helped pay her bills.

“How’d you come up with that business name?”

Steph’s question startled her and Max almost dropped the pen. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts she hadn’t noticed Steph peering closely at her.

I can stop time to get unreal photos. I can rewind to fix mistakes. “It’s kind of a play on words. Photographs capture little pieces of time.” Max barely heard his voice anymore when she said that. She still wondered what had possessed her to choose that name, except that it is a great name.

Nodding at Max’s explanation, Steph said, “You pay attention to details. I mean you kind of have to to be great photographer, but you pay attention even to the things that aren’t seen.”

Ducking her head as Steph spoke, Max let the praise wash over her. “Yeah…” She looked up at Steph. “I kind of have to.” A faint smile painted her lips as she spoke to Steph. Gripping the pen, she scrawled her name and date on the contract than passed both to Steph.

After signing, Steph took the contract to the printer, which also functioned as a copier. While the device made copies for both of them, Steph asked, “Have you played D&D?”

“Not in many years.” Not since…again she wrested her mind into the here and now.

“I’m hoping to get a group together soon. Are you interested in joining us?”

Her heart began pounding a little faster, requiring her to do one of her breathing exercises. Joining a group of strangers in a group activity that required a lot of talking?

“Counting Beth and myself there would only be two or three others. Not counting you, of course.”

Four or five people? She could handle that. Maybe. “Y-yes, I’d love to.” She kept to herself that since moving here after graduation she had no social life. Work and pursuing her art kept her very busy. It’s not like she had the greatest social life in college, or high school, or really ever. It felt good to be invited to something. “I’ll need at least five days notice though, to make certain I’m not working.”

“Five days? I think I can swing that.” Steph walked over and placed a copy of the signed contract in front of Max. “Here’s your copy. I’m hoping you have the first four scenes soon, by this or next weekend. Those will keep us occupied for a while.”

Grabbing the copy and stuffing it into her bag, Max rose. “I’ve already got ideas for those scenes. If nothing happens I should have something for you by this weekend.”

Sticking her hand out, Steph said, “That’s great. Well I have to get back to it.”

Looking at the hand, Max slowly took it and they shook. “I kind of hoped I’d meet both of you.”

“Sorry, Max. Beth had to work today and won’t be home for a few hours yet. Oh! Drat I’m rolling a one again!” Dropping her hand, Steph scurried from the living room into the hall and disappeared. Moments later she came back, a large checkbook in her hand.

Within moments she had filled out a check, removed it, and handed it to Max. The number 5000 filled Max’s vision. She hadn’t held that much money before. Her hands trembled a little as she held the check.

Dimly her mind told her Steph was still speaking. “Oh…uh, what?”

Steph laughed. “Is that the most money you’ve ever had?”

Grinning sheepishly, Max placed the check into her portfolio inside her bag. “Is it that obvious?”

“Very. Listen, would you like me to walk you to an atm or someplace where you deposit it? You seem a bit…nervous and I’d hate for someone to target you with that much money on you.”

What? Max looked at the dark haired girl more closely. Nothing about Steph seemed off. The girl was quite genuine with her offer.

“That’s very nice of you, Steph. I appreciate it. It’s not needed though. I’ll be ok.” And if someone tries to take it, they’ll run into more trouble than they bargained for.

“Ok. Take care then, Max and I look forward to your next visit.”

“Thanks, Steph. Next time I’ll have some of your pictures ready for you.”

With that, Max left the apartment. The first thing she wanted to do was deposit that check. Despite her confidence she didn’t want to chance walking around with it. Making her way back to the bus stop, she checked the routes and planned the rest of her day.

Within an hour she had deposited the check and was on the last bus to her first destination. There was plenty of light left in the day and if rain didn’t happen she should be able to get at least one of the shots done.

Fingering the strap on her pack as she rode Max thought about this job and Steph and Beth. It was still hard to believe she’d found the posting, at her job of all places. The email exchanges had gone so well she’d become a bit suspicious.

Part of her was still in disbelief. It would take some time for the check to clear and she didn’t want to touch that money until it did. In the meantime she could start working on the pictures Steph and Beth needed.

What kind of person was Beth? There wasn’t much in the apartment to indicate whether Beth was old or young. The little bit of character in the living room seemed to belong to Steph. Two girls building their own video game. She shook her head, amazed at what those two wanted to do.

Max really hoped they were legit and their game would succeed. Not because her name would be on it as well, but because she knew the game industry was not kind to its members. Female members, well, that was even worse.

Before she could sink much time into that she arrived at her stop. Shouldering her bag, she stepped from the bus and began to explore the area.

The contract had not specifically mentioned Pioneer Square, but it was the first thing Max had in mind. An open area where people were common, a mixture of building architecture, and plant life. It was an eclectic request and fit Pioneer Courthouse Square perfectly.

She had several rolls of film in her pack, as well as a backup digital camera, just in case. It took her the better part of an hour to scout the area. Although she’d been in Portland several months, she had not devoted any time to sightseeing. Today’s visit marked her first visit to the square.

Her exploration told her the square would fulfill several of the shots. She was confident she could get at least one of the them today, but the others would require a bit more planning.

Taking out her digital camera, she used it to take a number of shots of potential areas for other shoots. That was a habit she’d developed in school. Scout an area taking plenty of pictures with a digital camera. Use those to plan her analog shoots.

That done, she knelt and extracted her analog camera. A graduation gift from her parents, she knew it was top of the line. They also bought her a telephoto lease for it, which rested in its own compartment in her pack.

The pack she carried was also a gift from them. Built specifically for photographers, it had protective compartments for her gear. It also had space for carrying miscellaneous items. It was heavier than the satchel she used to carry, but well worth it.

With camera and tripod in hand and pack on her back she was ready for the first shoot. Standing in position she waited. Some clouds obscured the sky and she wanted the light to be just right. Minutes passed until finally she was satisfied.

It took but a thought for her to freeze time. She began taking pictures after that. Each shot needed taken from at least four perspectives, but she planned six. Each would also require many exposures. Even with her advantage with stopping time subtle variations in her equipment and how she held it could change the shot.

Max moved from point to point, capturing each perspective. She never left the time freeze, moving her equipment each time. Her ability allowed her to capture scenes that normally required far more equipment than she could afford.

Maybe with the money she could finally purchase a drone? The thought gave her pause. Shaking her head she focused on completing the shoot. After going through three rolls of film, Max slumped against a building and let time resume.

It had been a while since she’d been in the stillness so long. It always drained her. She’d spied a cafe on her way from the bus stop and made her way to it. No caffeine for her at this time of day, but she needed food and drink badly.

While she waited in line she checked her bank balance. The check hadn’t cleared, of course, but it said some of the funds were available. Ignoring that temptation she knew she only had enough for a small drink and a snack.

Her first job paid weekly, which she was so thankful for. Today was Tuesday, which meant three more days until payday. Her other job paid every other week, making every second Friday a big pay day. She’d just paid this months rent. Now she needed to save for her utility bills: Internet and electricity. She was glad water and trash was free for her.

Making her order, she wandered to a seat at a small table in the corner. It allowed her the perfect vantage for people watching, something she loved to do.

Today though, her fingers wandered to her left wrist. Twice today memories had stirred. Twice she’d had to readjust her mind. It had been many months since last that happened. Talking to Steph, chatting with a girl near her own age; she suspected that was the cause. It happened more frequently when she was in school.

The server set her mug of herbal tea and muffin on her table, smiled, and left. Stirring some honey in the tea, Max looked at her left wrist. Tattooed inside it was a reminder. Like she could ever forget.

Pulling her sleeve over it, she forced her thoughts to more productive matters. A drone. Could she afford a drone because of this project? There were a couple she had in mind. She’d used a few in school and even figured out a trick to use them with her time freeze ability.

Taking a bite of the muffin she pondered the purchase. Once back at her apartment she’d have to look at her money flow before deciding. Paying down her student debt was more important, but with a drone…with a drone she could bring in more specialized jobs.

Sighing, she pushed all these responsible thoughts from her mind. Her life was one of focus and responsibility and it wore on her at times. A young woman in her early twenties, college educated, alone in Portland, Oregon without friends.

Even though she liked her solitude, part of her craved a friend. A powerful craving, like an immense void inside. She knew what fit inside that void. Her eyes had traveled back to the tattoo.

Sitting up, she shook her head and sipped her tea. People, focus on watching the people. The cafe was moderately busy. Many people got to-go orders, only a few staying in the cafe. There was also outdoor seating which some people used.

Max distracted herself for the next hour or so watching people. At last she heaved a sigh and left the cafe. She was in a melancholy mood for the trip home. She knew that sign, that she needed to do something to get her mind onto something more productive. There was a new anime series on Netflix she thought would do the trick.

The walk from her last stop to her apartment was just a few minutes. Standing at the foot of the driveway, she looked up. Her apartment was a small loft on the back of an older lady’s garage. Many years ago the lady and her husband had renovated the space for one of their sons. Since then they had rented it out to supplement their income.

Trudging up the stairs, Max unlocked the door, flicked on the light and stepped inside. Home sweet home. Shutting the door, she leaned against it and looked at her little place. One long room that functioned as both the living room and kitchen with a small combination bathroom, laundry room, and closet. It wasn’t much bigger than her college dorm

Even though it was small, it was hers. No one to share the space with. No one to contest decorating choices. Quiet when she wanted, or noise when she wanted. Her space. Placing her bag on the futon, she went to the kitchen. Turning on the tap she splashed water on there face, then stayed leaning over the small sink.

Closing the tap, she used a towel to dry her face and stood up. Today was some kind of day. Opening the small fridge she perused its contents, making sure she had enough food for the week. Satisfied, she filled a cup with water and seated herself on the futon.

Setting the cup on a small side table, she grabbed her laptop. Opening it, she logged in. After checking her email and twitter, she set the laptop aside and retrieved the digital camera from her pack.

Connecting the camera to the laptop she began transferring the photos. While that happened she turned on her small TV and started Netflix. Sipping some water, she checked the transfer progress. This would take a while. Sighing, she got off the couch and went to the small cabinet that served as her pantry.

Grabbing a bag of chips, she tossed it on the couch and turned her attention to making supper. Supper. Like she could afford anything so fancy. She still had a can of soup. That and a sandwich would be her feast tonight. Her stomach growled as if in protest.

Maybe she should splurge on a nice meal for herself once that check cleared? She smiled as she poured the soup from the can into a small saucepan. From what Steph said, Beth would approve of that use of the money.

While the soup heated she emptied the drier, and moved the laundry from the washer to it. Starting the drier, she checked the soup, then folded her laundry. She liked to do her laundry at the start of the week, usually on Saturday or Sunday. Her excited exchanges with Steph over the weekend had distracted her. Yesterday she spent all day at work and didn’t feel like doing it. Which left today.

Putting the folded laundry away, she checked the soup. It was almost ready. Getting the bread, meat, and other things from the fridge, she made herself a cold meat sandwich. Wrapping the sandwich with a napkin, she placed it on the tray that served as her table. Returning everything from the fridge, she next poured the soup into a small bowl. With it on the tray next to an extra napkin and spoon, she carried the tray to the futon.

Checking the transfer progress, Max turned off the lights and started the series.


	2. Chapter 2

Blinking slowly awake, the soft refrains of Something Good playing from her phone, Max stared at the ceiling. She wasn’t a huge fan of ALt-J, but had settled on this song as her perfect wake up song years ago. It always took her most of the song to feel human enough to get out of bed to start her day.

As the song moved toward its conclusion, Max finally swung her feet from the bed to get ready. She had to be on her way to work in two hours. She used as much of the time as possible to laze around and get ready. Mornings really weren’t her thing.

Locking the door behind her, she hurried down the stairs and toward the bus stop. Today was her job in the cafe. She only worked fifteen to twenty hours a week. Thankfully most of that time was in food and drink preparation. Customer service was not really her thing.

The cafe she worked at was close to both one of the universities and a small business district, guaranteeing plenty of traffic. She supposed that was the only reason the cafe owner gave her a job. The number of staff was small. More than once Max had been called in to cover someone’s shift.

The nice thing is the cafe closed at 3 PM every day, and wasn’t opened on Sundays. That gave her plenty of flexibility for her second job, and pursuing her true passion. The pay was lousy though, which meant funds were always tight. After work today she needed to do some grocery shopping, then spend the rest of her time at the co-op photo lab operated by her second job.

She made it to the cafe with about five minutes to spare, clocked in and grabbed her apron. It was a typical day with two lulls and two busy periods. Today they didn’t run out of food though, which meant no cranky customers. Well, at least no customers cranky about lack of food.

A couple of times the manager was called over because the customer was unhappy with the service. Each time it was not one of their regulars. The way the customer behaved Max suspected they weren’t Portland-natives either. The manager was cool. She would listen to the customer’s demands, ask a couple of questions, and then patiently point out how the customer needed to leave and eat elsewhere.

The manager, and cafe owner, were two reasons Max really liked the job. Both valued their employees and usually took their employees side against customers. It was tough getting a job at this cafe because they didn’t want bad employees.

Preparing drinks, heating baked goods, and making sandwiches were Max’s main responsibilities. Her only dealing with customers was when she called out their name and handed the order to them. More often someone else did that part so she could focus on food prep.

Apparently a hidden talent she had was in sandwich preparation. More than once in the weeks she worked here patrons commented on her sandwich skills. She couldn’t see what they saw, ur taste rather. But if it kept her in food prep, she didn’t mind the compliments.

Taking a break in back, Max unwrapped her sandwich. Her lunch break was only 30 minutes, which had the habit of going quickly. While she ate she checked her email. To her surprise there was a message from Steph, labeled “D&D”.

Opening it she found Steph had setup a D&D session for next week and wanted her to come.

“Heya Max! A couple of friends will be in town next week, Drew and Mikey. They used to be in my gaming group back in High School. If you can come, we’re going to start Tuesday at 7 PM. Just bring yourself and any snacks or drinks you might like. We’ll have plenty of food and drink to share. It will be just five of us, counting you. Let me know!”

Chewing through the rest of her sandwich, Max checked her schedule. Next Wednesday was one of the times where both jobs had conspired to give her the day off. Tuesday she got off at 5 PM. For several seconds she looked at her phone, the last bit of sandwich forgotten in her mouth.

She could actually make it, attend a gathering. Do something social. Did she want to?

Hell yes she wanted to!

Swallowing the last bite she quickly typed up a response and sent it.

“Max: I’ll be there, but might be a few minutes late. I get off work at 5 PM on Tuesday and have to go home and change. But I’ll be there! Thanks for the invite :)”

A strange jitteriness settled into her stomach. She couldn’t recall the last time she’d been with a group of people her age, not working.

Cool it, Max! You got this!

The rest of the work day passed quickly. Soon she was cleaning up, hanging up her apron and clocking out. It had been a really long time since she’d played D&D. It was in another life actually, a life that no longer existed.

Forcing that thought away before it could hurt, she took a deep breath. Holding it, she concentrated on how that fullness of breath made her body respond, before slowly exhaling. It was one of her breathing exercises she used to calm herself.

Stepping outside the cafe, she pulled her jacket tight against the cool breeze and made her way to the bus stop. Grocery shopping, home, dinner, then the lab. That was the remainder of her day. Checking the grocery list on her phone while she waited at the bus stop, she added a couple of items.

Curious, she also checked her bank balance. Same as it was yesterday. Fifty percent of the check was marked as available, much better than the $46 actually there. If that check cleared soon, she could get ahead on her bills for once.

The bus pulled up and Max got on, finding a window seat. It was five stops to the grocery store, and no changes. As the bus pulled away she realized she forgot to check her numbers last night on whether she could get a drone. Opening her task manager, she added that to the list. Groceries, dinner, lab, can I buy a drone were now the entries.

The grocery store was one of the large national chains. She’d much prefer to shop local, but on her pay checks she couldn’t afford the markup. A half hour later she was on her way home, two bags of groceries on her lap.

At home it was a simple matter of putting the food away and then changing into something more appropriate for the lab. More than once she’d spilled something on herself. In the beginning she had rewound every accident. Now she just rewound the costly ones.

After a quick dinner, she locked her apartment, grabbed her bag, and was off for the lab

Her second job was at a local camera shop. They sold and repaired equipment, as well as offering various photography services. Many of the people that worked there did photography on the side. The owner enjoyed sending different jobs their way. The shop also had its own darkroom, the lab, which it offered as a service. The fee covered materials and the cost of having an employee on staff to monitor usage.

Max was really excited, practically bouncing in her seat on the bus. Tonight was the first time she got to use the lab for one of her projects!

Two bus changes and almost an hour later, she was at the lab. Upon entering the lab, she checked the sign-in sheet. Even better, she was the only customer! Signing in, she went through the procedure to enter the lab, saying hello to Gillian on her way.

Gillian was the employee on duty tonight. Max suspected the lady was in her thirties or fourties, although it was hard to tell. “You’re the only one here tonight, Max,” Gillian said, “No one else reserved a slot.”

Smiling at the lady, Max thanked her and entered the lab. You could only enter the lab at preset times. If you missed one of those times, you had to come back later. That ensured someone didn’t come in and ruin anyone’s developing photos.

Opening her bag, she dug out the rolls and film and began arranging the equipment and supplies needed. With everything ready, she waited. No one else showed up, and the time slot began. Shutting off the lights, she began her work.

A few hours later, she sat idly in the chair, waiting for the negatives to dry. Her stomach was feeling a bit empty. Tonight she would just scan the negatives in. Tomorrow or Friday she could print the ones she wanted to show Steph.

Standing, she checked each of the negative strips. Each was dry. Cutting them into strips, she placed them carefully on the counter, then pulled out her laptop and negative scanner. As she scanned she noted the ones that she wanted to turn into prints. Those she would come back to later.

Once done, she slipped the negatives into sleeves and placed those into her bag. Taking out her phone she composed a quick message to Steph, stating she’d have some pictures for her on Saturday. It would be late in the day, since she worked at the cafe on Saturday.

Cleanup took another thirty minutes or so. Nodding to Gillian on the way out, she stepped into the night air. She was tired when she got home, but knew she had one more thing to do.

Placing her pack in the corner, she pulled out her laptop then got ready for bed. Once in her jammies she snuggled into a soft, warm blanket and opened her laptop. Could she afford a drone?

In a few minutes she had a spreadsheet built with the projected income from the project, her outstanding debts, and some wish list items. It would be tight, but she though she could get one of the drones as well. Of course she could just ignore her student debt and use the money for other things. That didn’t sit right with her though.

Happy that she might get something fun out of the project, she set the laptop aside. It still needed to sync all the new files to her cloud service so she left it on while she unfolded the futon and went to bed.

Morning came sooner than she wanted. It had been past midnight by the time she went to bed, and she had to get up earlier today to make it to work. Groaning as she mentally cajoled herself from the snuggly blanket, she set the coffee brewing while she showered and changed.

After breakfast it was a repeat of last night: two bus changes and an hour commute. The camera shop was fun, but slow, for work. Lightly staffed, she got to talk shop with her fellow employees in between customers.

She brought her bag with her today as she wanted to print some of the negatives after work. As an employee she had a discounted rate for use of the lab and printers. It was deducted from her paycheck each month, which made it both easy and painful.

The first month she’d gone a little crazy, so excited to have access to the lab. The result was a five dollar paycheck. That was an experience she didn’t want to repeat. She was still playing catch-up from that month on some of her bills. After that she tightly controlled her use of the lab and equipment.

The day passed easily, as it often did. In between customers, and conversation with her coworker, she started planning the other shoots. She needed a good residential area, one that looked like the houses were built in the 60s or 70s. Also a college or highschool campus was needed, and an area that could pass for a small town’s down town. That last one was the hardest of these shoots.

A thought, a memory really, came to her then. She knew where she could get all three of those shoots, just two or three hours away. No! She could find them here, in Portland!

That thought unsettled her. And none of her techniques were working to re-settle her. The discomfort followed her into the lab, where she messed up several prints before she gave up. She couldn’t work with this mood upon her.

Giving the employee on duty a farewell, Max left the lab. Tomorrow was payday, but that thought didn’t help. Leaning her head against the window of the bus, she watched the passing people and buildings.

She had no one to talk to. No one to share things with. A bit of a loner by nature this usually didn’t bother her. At times though, that great big hole inside her just felt too big, too weighty to carry on her own. Like right now.

Damn this! Why were these thoughts coming back now? It had been months, more than a year since the last time. Why now?

Wiping away the tears she felt forming on her cheeks, she sniffed and turned her attention to her shoes. Music. That’s what she needed. Putting her earbuds in, she sank herself into the soothing embrace of her favorite artists.

Friday came and the first thing she did was check her bank balance. Her paychecks were direct deposit, but she always checked to ensure the amounts were there and proper. Only this time something was weird with her account.

“Funds frozen” read the message on her app.

No! No! No! No! Frantic, she called the bank. She didn’t have time for this. Worse, she couldn’t afford to have problems with her account. If she didn’t submit a payment today she might lose her electricity. The bill was already past due.

It took a long time to reach a human at the bank. In between holds, menus, and transfers, Max dressed and left for work. She hated having to hold this conversation in public, but she needed to get to work and she needed to know what was wrong with her account.

Sitting on the bus, Max’s heart sank as the bank representative said her account was placed on hold due to suspicious activity. Her deposit of the $5000 had triggered some algorithm somewhere which flagged her account for possible fraud. It could take up to two weeks to clear.

Ending the call, Max dropped her head into her hands. Not now! Not when it seemed like she could catch up and even get a little ahead! She checked her wallet and found she still had twenty dollars in it. That would be enough…well it would have to be enough. The groceries she bought the other day and this twenty dollars would have to last her two weeks.

It was with a dark mood that she left the last bus and walked to the camera shop. The morning was dead, customer-wise, which made it drag. It also meant she had no distraction from her thoughts which threatened to run rampant.

During lunch she got a text message from Steph. “Hey, will you have pictures to show tonight?”

Darkly, she looked at the message. This was all because of that check! If-No! That was unfair. Steph didn’t cause this problem.

She looked a long time at the message. Last night’s work had resulted in only one set of photos. She had planned on working on more tonight but…with the mood she was in she just knew she’d blow more prints. If she went to Steph’s tonight, then tomorrow and Sunday she could devote to printing the rest of the photos.

Plan now in mind, she texted back, “Sure. Is 7 PM ok?”

“Yep.”

Smiling for the first time today, she put her phone away and finished her lunch. The afternoon went better than the morning and she left the store shortly after 5 PM humming a little tune.

Get home, grab a bit to eat, change and leave again. It was a simple plan that should get her to Steph and Beth’s apartment complex close to 7 PM. As she walked toward her apartment she wondered if Beth would be there tonight. She’d like to meet this other client.

Unlocking the door, she flicked the lightswitch as she placed her bag on the futon. Nothing happened. Frowning, she flicked the lightswitch several times. Nothing.

An emptiness opened in her stomach as she realized how silent the apartment was. A weakness swept her and she collapsed against the wall and slid to the floor. Her electricity had been turned off.

She couldn’t stop the tears this time and they came freely. She was so close to something good happening and now this! Her fist pounded against the floor in frustration. Burying her face against her knees she let herself cry out her anger and frustration until a ding from her phone grabbed her attention.

Steph: Hey, if you’re still coming I’ve got some pizza if you’re hungry.

Staring at the text through tear blurred eyes Max had to read the message several times before she understood. Wiping her nose on her hand, which she then wiped on her pants, she sniffed and composed a reply.

Max: yeah…I’ll be there. Thanks.

Steph: cool - see you soon! 👍🏻

Leaning her head against her arms she stayed that way several more moments. At last she made herself get up. She guessed the food in her fridge would spoil within the next day or two. Quicker if she opened it a lot. The thought made her sick. Just yesterday she’d bought most of that food and now, gone!

Using the flash on her phone, she washed up and changed. How would she charge her phone? If she had a car she could use that. She could charge it at Steph’s, but would the charge last all night? She didn’t want to be late to work tomorrow.

One problem at a time, Max!

Grabbing her charge cord, she stuffed it in her bag. Wait! Didn’t someone give her a portable battery when she left home? Looking through the boxes under her bed, she gave a little yell of triumph when she found two portable chargers. She stuffed them and their charge cords into her bag.

Slinging the bag over her shoulder, she locked the door and trudged down the stairs.

It was a little after 7 PM when she arrived at Steph’s. The girl (it was hard for Max to think of someone her own age as a woman) opened the door after the first ring.

“Max! Glad you’re here, come in!”

Steph ushered her into the apartment, closing the door behind them. Unlike the other day the living room was a mess. Clothes and papers were strewn about, along with several laptops and monitors.

“Sorry about the lived-in look,” Steph said as she plopped on a chair. “The last few days were really productive for Beth and I and then today she had to go home suddenly. So we haven’t had time to clean up. That’s actually why I have extra pizza. Speaking of…I’m rolling one’s again. What is wrong with me?”

Max smiled at Steph’s easy-going behavior with her. It was refreshing after the retail world of the last three days. “It’s fine,” Max said as Steph got out of her chair. “I didn’t clean my place today either.” And now I can’t, at least I can’t vacuum until I get my power on.

She hid the frown as Steph turned and entered the kitchen.

Get ahold of yourself, Max! She’s a customer, not a friend. But she did invite you for D&D, doesn’t that mean she also wants to be a friend? This is confusing.

Moments later Steph returned carrying a pizza box. “What do you like to drink? I’ve got teas, water, juice, soda, beer, or if you want something harder…?”

“An herbal tea is fine.” Even though tea always reminds me of…I still drink it to remember.

Taking the box of pizza, Max set it on the table and opened it. A whole medium cheese pizza! The kindness Steph was showing was getting to her. She quickly used one of her breathing and mindfulness exercises to keep herself together.

“I put on the kettle,” Steph said as she retook her chair. “Here.” She held out a couple of paper towels to Max. Taking them, Max placed one on her lap and kept the other next to the pizza box.

“This looks so good,” Max gushed, “are you sure…?”

“Yeah, take it. That was Beth’s but she had to leave suddenly, like I said, and she won’t be back for a few days.”

Gesturing toward her bag, Max asked, “do you want to look at the pictures while I eat?”

“Nah. Eat girl. You can show me afterward.”

Putting her bag on the floor, Max looked at the pizza. Locating what seemed the smallest slice, she carefully lifted it and took a bit. Mmmm, it was so good. “This is so good,” she said after swallowing.

“That place makes wicked pizza. We love to order from them. You should try them sometime.”

“I doubt they deliver as far as my apartment.”

“Maybe not, but I bet door dash or uber eats does. They are on both services.”

Max couldn’t comment as she was too involved in the pizza. But not too involved to notice Steph was studying her again, like the other day. Feeling a bit self-conscious she couldn’t help the warmth that spread to her cheeks.

Noticing her blush, Steph looked away. “Sorry,” she said as she turned her head.

“You were doing that that other day,” Max said after she finished the slice.

“You noticed?”

“It’s something I do, remember?” She smiled to show her sincerity.

“Of course, photogs eye and all that. It’s just, well you remind me of someone.”

Frowning as she grabbed another slice, Max asked, “Who?”

“I don’t know yet. That’s…well that’s why I keep looking at you. I’m trying to find the memory you keep triggering.”

Giggling a little at the explanation, she said, “well I hope you find that memory soon. I’d like to know who I remind you of.”

Steph smiled as well. “I’ll do that, tell you once I figure it out. Tell me, though, how was your day?”

Max almost choked on her bite when Steph asked that question. Putting the remains of the slice down, she wiped her hands and face with the paper towel. She hadn’t wanted to blur the lines here, but…Steph was being so kind and it was touching through to the loneliness she felt.

“Truthfully? It sucked.”

“Oh no! I’m so sorry, Max. What happened?”

It took Max a while to answer. She didn’t want Steph to feel bad because of the check. Keeping her eyes focused on the pizza, Max said, “My bank account was frozen and my electricity was shut off.”

Silence greeted her statement, then “Damn and I thought I was rolling ones because I forgot to offer you a drink. That really sucks, Max. I’m truly sorry.”

“Thanks.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, why is your bank account frozen?”

The paper towel on her lap drew her fingers with this question. They began to worry it, twisting and tearing it. “I…deposited a check the other day that set a fraud flag.”

“A check? That’s all it took? Wait…was that our check?”

Looking at her hands twisting the paper towel, Max nodded.

“Shit.”

“It’s not your fault,” Max quickly offered.

“Not my fault? I caused your account to be locked!”

“But if I had been on time with my power bill it would still be on.” And if I hadn’t wasted my money several months ago with all those lab experiments. The towel was being reduced to torn bits.

“That’s true, but has nothing to do with your account being locked.”

“It’ll be ok. The bank said the fraud check should clear in about two weeks. Then I can get caught up on all my bills and get my power restored. Speaking of, is it ok if I charge some of my devices right now?”

“Yes it’s ok.”

Max finally looked at Steph. The girl looked tense, with her shoulders bunched and her arms crossed. Getting out the portable chargers, she quickly had them connected to an outlet, their little lights cheering her up a bit.

“Your food’s gonna spoil before then, won’t it.”

“…yes.”

“Do you use the power company’s mobile app?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to open the mobile app and hand me your phone. I’ll use one of my cards to pay your bill, which should get your service restored.”

“What? No, I can’t let you do that?”

“Why not?” Steph leaned forward in her chair as she said that. “We helped put you into this mess. The least I can do is help get you out of it.”

“Because…” she really couldn’t think of a good reason. She wanted to say she wasn’t worth it…but that would just sound really weird.

Sighing, she nodded and opened the app. “Here,” Steph said, “let’s go sit on the futon. That way you can watch what I do, so you’ll know I’m not snooping.”

Max almost made a joke about that, but Steph didn’t look or sound like she was joking. Nodding, she carefully put the bits of paper towel on the table and rose. Steph went to the futon first and removed some of the clothing and other things until there was enough room for them to sit side by side.

Seating herself next to Steph, Max changed the screen timeout setting before handing the phone to her. She didn’t want to keep unlocking the phone if there were any delays in getting service restored.

Steph busied herself with adding her credit card into to the payment section. Max’s eyes wandered to the pile of stuff Steph had moved. A shirt in the pile caught her eye. She could almost make out the name embroidered on it.

Tilting her head for a better view, Max stopped breathing when she read the name: Blackwell Academy.


	3. Chapter 3

Before Max could form a question a sound came from the kitchen. “Water’s ready for your tea,” Steph said. Handing the phone back to Max, she rose and went into the kitchen.

Blackwell Academy! That means either she or Beth are from Arcadia Bay! Relax, Max. There’s nothing to worry about. Several thousand people live in Arcadia Bay. It’s a dying town. Most youth leave and Portland is so close.

Remembering then to breathe, she took in a deep breath. Her heart was racing and a jitteriness was in her arms. Recognizing the signs, she closed her eyes and focused, first on her breathing, then on a peaceful picture of Mount Hood.

She enjoyed the lines of the mountain, how it stood out on the horizon. The snow on it gave it an allure she liked. Gradually her heart rate slowed and the jitteriness went away. Her eyes opened just as Steph returned with her cup of tea.

“Here you go. Honey is on the table if you want it.”

Accepting the cup and saucer, Max nodded and returned to the table. Setting the cup down, she remembered what they were working on. “Were you able to make the payment,” she asked as she drizzled honey into the tea.

“Without a problem,” Steph said as she took her seat. “Are you done with the pizza?”

Max nodded as she stirred the spoon lazily in the tea. “Good. I’ll clear it off and we can look at the photos.”

Within a few minutes Steph had removed the box and towels. She wiped down the table and dried it before pronouncing it clean. Tossing the rags into the kitchen, Steph once again joined Max at the table. “Now, I can’t wait to see these pictures.”

“I only have one set with me tonight. I should have more for you either tomorrow or Sunday.”

“Cool. We can work with one set.”

Getting her bag, Max retrieved her portfolio and slipped the photos from their protection. A sound of admiration came from Steph as Max laid the photos before her.

“These are amazing!” Steph continued to pour over the pictures, complimenting Max on her skill. Max silently accepted the praise. In truth her mind was still occupied with the shirt. She wanted to ask Steph about it, and she didn’t want to know.

A pain flitted through her heart as she debated the question. A memory of pain so poignant it had left an unfathomable void in her. It took several moments to realize Steph was snapping her fingers in front of her.

Jerking back as she returned to the here and now, Max blinked at Steph. “Are you ok, Max?”

“Um…yeah, I was just… “ she might as well ask it. “I noticed you have a Blackwell Academy shirt. Are you from Arcadia Bay?”

“Yeah, both Beth and I are. It’s probably her shirt. She keeps it for some reason. I got rid of mine.”

Swallowing a lump that suddenly formed in her throat, Max said, “So you graduated in…2013?”

“Both of us did.”

Max nodded in response, saying nothing else.

After several moments of silence, Steph asked, “Are you ok with that?”

Startled, Max looked at her. “What? Why do you ask?”

“You seemed…sad a few minutes ago.”

Steeling herself, Max tried to keep her gaze on Steph, but couldn’t. Her eyes fell to her hands, once again in her lap. This time they had nothing to occupy them and they began picking at her jeans.

“I used to live there.” Her words were a breath on the wind, silent and soft.

“You did? Which school did you go to? I don’t remember you at Blackwell, so the public school?”

Public…and then Blackwell before the darkness. “I moved while still in middle school, to Seattle.”

“Ah. Do you miss Arcadia Bay?”

With all my heart and soul. I died there and am still not alive. “Sometimes.” Shaking her head as if she could shake those thoughts free, she decided a topic change was in order.

“So…will these photos work for you?”

Instead of answering Steph looked at her several moments. “There’s something there you aren’t saying, isn’t there?”

Max winced and flashed a brave but weak smile. Her hand reached out and touched one of the photos. For a moment she was tempted to enter the stillness of time to have a breakdown. The pain inside her heart was so strong her fingers were trembling as she touched the photo.

“Please,” she said, her voice breaking, “the photos. Will they work for you?”

“What pain are you hiding?” The way Steph whispered it, Max was sure she was talking to herself.

A pain no one should have to endure. A pain no one should have to live with.

Steph’s eyes fell to the photos. “Yes, these will work.” Her voice was drained of emotion.

Nodding, Max said, “Thank you for helping me with getting my electricity back on.” She looked at Steph, gaze finally steady. “I mean that. If these pictures are to your satisfaction…I need to go.”

“Fair enough,” Steph said, “you don’t really know me. I don’t really know you. I hope whatever pain it is you’re hiding that you have someone to share it with, I mean discuss it. Let me get my wallet. I’ll pay cash for these.”

Steph’s words cut Max deep. It was all she could do to hold herself together. Steph disappeared down the hall. While she was gone, Max downed the last of her tea, still warm. In moments Steph returned, cash in hand. She counted it out into Max’s hand.

“You’re still coming over on Tuesday?” Steph tried to catch Max’s eye as she asked the question.

“Yes.” Max voice sounded hollow. Steph was being kind, and she didn’t understand why. They barely knew each other. It was so strange, on top of the remembered pain flowing through her.

Checking the money, she counted out a few bills and held them out to Steph. “My electricity bill,” she said. Steph didn’t raise her hands to accept it. She shook the money a little as if she could encourage her to take it by the action.

“Please,” she said, the tremble returning to her voice. Slowly, Steph reached out and took the bills. Max stuffed the rest of the bills into her pocket and grabbed her bag.

“Wait,” Steph said and hurried into the kitchen. After several minutes, and a lot of noise, she returned. In her hands was a paper grocery bag. “Your dinner.”

Max shook her head and backed away. “No,” she said, her voice raspy and trembly.

“Yes,” Steph said. She took one of Max’s hands and put the handles in it. “Take it. It’s yours.”

Numbly, she clung to the bag and went to the door. Steph opened the door for her. “Are you going to be ok, going home by yourself?”

Max nodded. Steph looked dubious when she briefly raised her eyes to her. Giving another weak smile, she said, “Thanks for the dinner, and for helping with my power problem. If I don’t see you this weekend, I’ll see you Tuesday.”

Before she could leave, Steph grabbed her arm. “Are you sure? You don’t look well, Max. It’s not a problem for me to drive you.”

Giving as genuine a smile as she could, Max answered, “I’ll be fine. Thanks for offering. It’s…appreciated.” She exited into the night and descended the rickety stairs.

Her mind sunk into a haze of numbness. The next thing she knew she was in her apartment, with no memory of how she got there. Letting the bag of pizza drop to the floor, she slipped her backpack from her shoulders and she slumped against the door. Her fingers found the light switch and flicked it. Light flooded the room.

At least one thing worked out.

Like earlier she slid to the floor, still numb and a bit dazed. Both Steph and Beth were from Arcadia Bay. They graduated the same year that she… Catching herself, Max cut off that thought.

But why did she bother? It was already too late. That pain had surfaced the moment Steph told her about graduating. Slumping against the floor she let that pain claim her. The ache within the void spread to every part of her, an agony unbearable that made her mind and body shake.

Great sobs were wrenched from her as that ache became her existence. She was alone, all alone. Her fingertips traced the design on her left wrist as she gave herself to the pain.

Next morning found her still laying on the floor. Groggily she blinked and lifted her head. It took several minutes for conscious thought to move beyond sluggish. Her neck was sore from sleeping on the floor. Digging her phone out of her pocket, she peered at the time.

“Oh god, no!” She had to leave for work in fifteen minutes! Forgetting everything else, she got to her feet and hurried through her morning routine. The power was still on, which she was thankful for.

Fifteen minutes later found her hurrying down the stairs, a piece of toast between her teeth. Her body hurt from sleeping on the floor and her cheek still had marks from the carpet. She hoped those would fade before she got to work.

The work day was better than the start of the day. For some reason there was a steady stream of customers throughout the day, keeping all of them busy. Before she knew it, the cafe was closing and she was outside.

That’s when she realized she didn’t bring her bag with her. If she wanted to do the contract work, she needed to get it. Berating herself, she made her way back to the apartment.

Since she was in a better frame of mind, she decided to work on turning the negatives into prints. Once she had her bag, she called the lab to see whether the print stations were available and reserved a time slot. She arrived at the lab with plenty of time to spare, so she bought herself dinner at one of the local restaurants.

Her mind stayed focused and nothing disturbed her calm. That allowed her to do all the prints she had earmarked. That gave her four complete sets. If Steph bought all of them, that would be an additional $1000. Her heart thrilled a little at the thought.

Cleaning up her work area, she said goodbye to the employee on duty and went home. Tomorrow, she decided, she would spend some time doing something for herself. In the afternoon she could work on more contract shots.

The commute home was smooth and quick. Well as quick as an hour could be. Relaxing on her couch, she set her bag on the floor. Tonight would be a good night for Netflix.

Changing into her jammies, she got a drink and snack and cozied under her soft blanket to watch.

The next day she slept in. Well, if you consider an extra fifteen minutes beyond her normal waking time to be sleeping in. She did spend additional time lying in bed. There was no need to get up and do anything at a particular time.

Making a leisurely breakfast, she took her time slipping into the day. Today she wanted to spend time doing something for herself. After the past week, she needed that. Once she had breakfast, a shower, and clean clothes she felt ready for the day.

Exploring some of the various parks around town is what she wanted to do. Taking only her digital camera with her, Max locked up the apartment and set off.

She spent much of the day exploring, something she’d wanted to do ever since moving to Portland. There were plenty of things to see in old Portland, downtown, and the various parks throughout the area.

There were many things she saw that she captured with her camera. She also found a number of places to relax. Places she could come to when she needed to think, or observe the world around her. Getting some sushi to go, she took her food to one of those places.

It was so peaceful, among the trees of the park. A place set apart from the city around her. She stayed there a long time, letting the peace infuse her with its calm.

All her anxiety from life, a frozen bank account, losing power, messing up her prints, and more all faded away. Except the hole inside her. It never faded away, and never would, she feared, until she slipped away entirely.

Late in the afternoon she decided to skip doing more photos. She could do some after work tomorrow. Today was all about her. On her way home she got some takeout. She was feeling confident right now.

Even if Steph only bought one of the sets of prints, that would be enough money to pay some of her severely past-due bills. If she bought more, well she could work on catching up her other bills too. Only she needed her account unfrozen so she could send money.

Humming a tune, she walked up the steps to her home and went inside. After she ate she practiced her guitar. She managed to do that at least once a week. She had several songs down and was debating which song she wanted to learn next.

She sang softly as she went through her entire set. The one song she wouldn’t play was Lua. It brought back too many memories. Sometimes when she was in a dark mood she played it. Not now though, her mood was positive and she wanted to keep it.

The evening wound into night and she spent some time cleaning her little apartment. It was also a good night for laundry as it set her up for the week. The chores took her up to her bed time. Snuggling under her comfy blanket, she peered into the darkness. For a moment she wished there were blue eyes peering back at her. Closing her eyes she settled into sleep.

The next two days passed swiftly, if a bit hard. Monday was an unusually slow day at the cafe. Everyone had trouble making it through that day. The irregular rainfall Portland was known for behaved in a way that made it difficult to get the photo shoots she wanted after work.

Out of the four shots she had planned for the day, she was only able to get one. Sighing in frustration as she put her camera away, she went home under the rainy night sky.

Tuesday came and she showed up on time at the camera shop. Like yesterday at the cafe, the day was slow. There were only two people on staff that day, she and the owner. They spent the time chit-chatting.

He seemed quite interested in her ability to pick up side gigs. She told him a little about the contract she got and he looked pleased. As closing time loomed, he said, “Before you leave we need to discuss something.”

“Ok, sure. Let me finish cleaning the cases.”

Ten minutes later she leaned against the door to the small office where he kept a safe and his desk. “You wanted to talk?”

“Yes, Max, here, have a seat.” He moved a pile of papers from a chair and pushed it toward her. He set the pile on the floor as she sat.

They looked at each other in silence for a few minutes. He was twirling a pen in one hand, and his other was playing with his tie. “I’m no good at this,” he finally murmured. “Max, I have some terrible news…for you.”

He looked at her, looked away, then straightened his back and looked directly at her. “Sales aren’t doing so well. And I have to let you go, since you were the last one hired.”

Let…go?

He slid an envelope toward her. “Here’s your last paycheck. I’m really sorry, Max. I have your contact info and I’ll be sure to send as many side gigs as I can your way…but I can’t afford to have you as an employee.”

Her mind just kept repeating that phrase: let go. He placed the envelope in her hands. “I’m sorry, Max. Get your bag and I’ll walk you out.”

Let go?

She found herself outside, with her former boss looking at her awkwardly.

“Ok,” she finally said. “See you…sometime?”

“Listen,” he said, hand on her upper arm. “I can keep giving you the employee rate at the lab and print stations for, let’s say another six months. That should help you with that contract you mentioned, and any others you pick up.”

“Th-thank you.”

Somehow she found herself on the bus. Her phone beeped with a message. Looking at the screen she saw it was from Steph.

“Steph: hey! Mikey and Drew are here. Hope you’re still coming tonight.”

The D&D session. She almost forgot about it! She stared at the screen a while, torn inside. She was still processing what just happened at work. Uncertainty was crowding her mind. At the same time she recalled that fleeting desire to be with people her own age that had infused her last week when Steph asked her.

Making her decision, she replied.

“Max: yeah, I’ll be there.”

Instead of going home, she switched buses to a different route and went directly to Steph’s apartment.

Standing before the door she could hear deep laughter inside. Several voices were talking and there was some music playing. Not really loud, just enough to hear through the door. Raising her hand, she knocked.

Moments later the door opened revealing Steph with her beanie on her head and a grin on her face. “Max! You’re here, come in! Come in!” She grabbed Max’s arm and pulled her into the apartment.

Shutting the door, but not letting her go, Steph stepped around her. “Mikey, Drew, I want you to meet that awesome photographer I told you about, Max Caulfield!”

Max gave a little wave as she looked at the two boys (men?) in the living room. Pointing at them, Steph said, “The taller one is Drew, the other is Mikey.” Both of them waved at her.

“Steph showed us some of your pictures,” Mikey said, “They are very good.” Drew gave her a wave, but was otherwise busy playing a video game.

“Looks like you came here straight from work,” Steph commented as she took Max’s bag.

“Oh, no, I’ll keep that,” Max protested. Well she tried to protest. Steph just gave her a look.

“It’s ok, Max. Relax. I know your camera and other stuff is in here. I want to put it somewhere it will be safe.” Seeing that Max remained unconvinced, Steph sighed and said, “Ok, follow me. That way you can prove it to yourself.” She smiled as she said that which helped Max relax.

She followed Steph down the little hall to one of the bedrooms. She supposed it was Steph’s, since the decor was very gamer oriented. There were a few pictures on the furniture, probably her family since they resembled her and looked older. Steph gently placed the bag on the bed. “Now, when you need to leave, just come in here and get the bag. Oh, also, the bathroom is the door opposite this one. Feel free to use it.”

Nodding, she followed Steph from the bedroom. Instead of returning to the front room though, she decided to use the restroom. Turning on the light and fan, she closed the door and leaned against the sink. What happened earlier was finally sinking in.

She didn’t have a job at the camera shop anymore. Of her two jobs it paid the best. She had to get another job soon that paid close to what it did. Her breath was becoming shallow and rapid as these thoughts ran through her head and an insistent desire to do something was in her.

Leaning over the sink, she took deep breaths. “It will be ok. This has happened before. I’ll find another job and it will all work out.” Turning on the cold water, she splashed some on her face and looked into the mirror.

The girl looking back at her had wild eyes, darting here and there. A frown tugged at the corners of her mouth. Wiping the water off, she leaned against the wall, doing more breathing exercises. She also began outlining the steps she needed to take. She needed a plan to focus on.

A knock on the door startled her. “You ok in there, Max?” Steph’s voice was muffled. How long had she been in here?

Instead of answering, Max opened the door, a smile plastered on her face. Steph was leaning against the wall opposite. “Sorry,” Steph said as she pushed away from the wall. “I hope that wasn’t creepy. You were in there a long time.” As Max tried to walk past her, Steph blocked her.

“Look,” Steph said, her brows furrowed, “I know we aren’t friends, yet, but it’s pretty obvious something’s going on with you. Are you ok?”

Shifting from foot to foot, Max tried not to pay attention to the sounds of laughter and friendship coming from the front room. “You’ve been nothing but kind to me since we met,” Max finally said, “and it’s…confusing. I mean you’re my customer, and what you’ve done for me…I don’t know what to make of it.”

A little smile lit Steph’s face. “Tonight I’m not your customer, though, Max. Tonight I’m just Steph Gingrich, Dungeon Master. And I think you need to be Max Caulfield, Master Illusionist.” Hooking her arm in Max’s she walked them down the hall toward the living room.

“Alright, I’ve brought our mystery girl back,” Steph announced. There were three people in the room now, Drew and Mikey, and a girl with multi-colored hair, whose back was to them.

“Beth,” Steph said, ”I’d like you to meet, Max.”

The new girl rose to face them. There were a lot of things to notice about this girl, nay woman. Her slender, athletic build that made her look even taller than she was. The loose fitting tank top with a death’s head. The multiple bracelets on her arm. The blues and purples and greens of her hair. The smile that could light up a room.

None of that caught Max’s attention. It was her eyes. As her blue eyes settled on Max, the world stopped. A void rushed up to consume Max as she fell into the blackest of pits. Her voice came to her feebly as she was consumed.

“Chloe?”

The girl looked at Steph, then back at Max, one eyebrow raised. “Have we met before,” she asked.

Swallowing the thickness in her throat, Max shook her head. “Sorry,” she managed to choke out. “You reminded me…” She stuck out her hand as she felt warmth flood her cheeks. “I’m Max, nice to meet you.”

Beth turned her head at a slight tilt then back. Her hand grabbed Max’s in a firm shake. “Nice to meetcha,” she said. “Steph has shown me your magic and it’s great to finally meet.”

The look Beth shot Steph while they shook hands wasn’t lost on Max. She’d already started things off wrong. Her hand tingled after Beth let go, as if part of her essence remained.

“Noms and drink are in the kitchen,” Steph said, patting Max on the back as she headed into the front room. Beth joined her, reclaiming her seat to cheer and jeer Drew with his game.

Max stood at the room entrance. Everyone in there was old friends. Her fingers tugged at the hem of her hoodie as she struggled to know what to do. Willing herself into gear, she crept into the room trying not to block Drews view of the TV. Steph waved her to a spot next to her at the end of the futon.

It didn’t dawn on her until she took her seat that she had a great view of Beth. She tried not to look at the girl, but it was impossible. Beth noticed her looking and flashed her a smile with a thumbs-up gesture. Shrinking into herself after that, she forced her eyes away.

Minutes later Drew’s game came to an end as his last bit of health bar was drained away. The two girls gave him a good-natured hard time about his defeat. He gave it right back to them. Within moments Beth had the controller to show him how the game was played.

It appeared her way of playing the game was to wear down the enemies through a barrage of bad puns and expletive filled one-liners. Her banter brought comments from Drew and Steph, and occasionally Mikey. The room was filled with the sounds of good friends comfortable with each other.

Max found herself drawn into the game. She was transfixed as Beth proved herself quite adapt at the game, moving well beyond where Drew died. She cheered when Beth’s character did well, and groaned at each set-back.

At a save point, Beth saved and turned off the game. “Time for noms and a movie,” Steph announced as Beth got up and headed for the kitchen.

Mikey groaned. “A movie? When are we going to play the campaign?”

Steph grinned at him. “Don’t worry my fearless warrior. We have all night. And besides, I want to ensure Max here,” she glanced at Max while saying this, “has the best night of her year tonight.”

The words came as a surprise to Max, who jerked slightly. She wasn’t used to being the center of attention, and among strangers at that.

“We’re going to watch Bladerunner 2049,” Steph said, “I hope you like it Max.”

Max’s breath caught in her. Watching the newest Bladerunner, and with B-Chloe?

At that moment, Beth came back with several boxes of pizza. It was from the same place as before and Max’s mouth started watering. A pile of paper plates and napkins teetered atop the boxes. Placing the stack on the table in the center of the room, Beth began handing out the plates and napkins.

Steph disappeared into the kitchen, returning shortly with several drink containers in her arms. “We’ve got hard and we’ve got soft,” she called as she set them next to the pizza boxes. “And tea and coffee if that’s your thing-”

“Including Irish coffee,” Beth interrupted.

Max fingered the plate she held. The emptiness from earlier had strengthened as the night wore on. Each word from Beth, each look from her intensified it.

Sliding a piece of pizza onto her plate, Max cleared her throat. “So, uh, Beth,” the name seemed so wrong on her tongue, “what do you think of the latest Bladerunner?”

Plopping into her chair, plate piled with pizza slices, Beth unfolded a napkin. “It’s my second favorite movie, next to the original!”

“Yeah,” Steph said, “if only you could stay awake through it all.”

Coldness swept over Max as Steph said that. “Oh, I’m staying awake this time,” Beth said as she shoved a slice of pizza into her mouth.

Drinks were poured and handed out then Steph dimmed the lights and started the movie. Max arranged herself to see the TV better, but kept glancing at Beth. She noted that Steph and Beth sat separate from each other, but both girl’s eyes lit up when Joi came on.

With pizza and juice in her stomach, Max found herself grow drowsy. Just as she was about to slip into sleep an elbow jabbed her in the side. Snapping her head up, she looked around. “Looks like we have another sleeper here,” Steph said with a grin. Mikey and Drew had both fallen asleep, but the girls were still awake. The movie had apparently ended.

“Sorry,” Max said, “it’s been a long day.”

“Capturing little pieces of time is hard work,” Beth asked. Max started, then realized she probably got the phrase from Steph.

“It is,” Max said, “but that isn’t what I did today. I have other jobs, along with my photography.” Job. She now had A job. Something inside her sank at the reminder.

Leaning forward, Steph gathered up the now empty pizza boxes. “What are your other jobs?”

Wanting to be useful, Max started gathering the used plates and napkins. Beth shook her head, “no, you’re our guest Max,” she said as she took the trash from her.

Letting her hands fall into her lap where they began twisting against each other, Max watched the two girls carry the trash into the kitchen. “What are your jobs,” Steph repeated the question when they returned.

Looking at her hands, uncertain how much to say, Max said, “well, it’s really just the one. I work at a cafe, ‘A Rise Above.’“

“Ooh, I’ve heard of that place,” Beth said. “They make all the breads for their sandwiches and stuff, right?”

Max nodded.

“Hey Mikey,” Beth said as she dug a toe into his side. “Wakey-wakey time get the campaign on.” Beth moved on to Drew, waking him as well. Stepping around the table toward Max, she held out her hand.

Max stared at it blankly. What did she want? Her left hand began slowly rising. “Your empty cup, Max,” Beth said, “you’ll need a refill for the game.”

Her ears felt on fire as Max picked up her cup, their fingers touching as she handed it to her.

* * *

“Oh, you like pirates too?” Max looked up at the voice. A girl her age with messy blonde hair stood over her. Max looked at her toys then at the girl.

“Y-yes,” she said, her voice low and halting.

“Cool! Can I join you? I have my own to play with!”

Max’s eyes widened. Someone wanted to play with her? She looked at the girl again. All the other kids were on the other side of the room. “Don’t you want to be with the others,” Max asked.

“Nah,” the girl said as she sat down, “I want to play pirates. They’re just poo-poo heads and think girls shouldn’t like pirates.” Sitting cross-legged she pulled her little backpack to her front. Digging around in it she pulled out a couple of dolls. Like Max’s their frilly dresses had been replaced with hand made pirate outfits.

One of the dolls had its hair colored blue. “This one’s Captain Blue. Chloe Blue. ‘Cuz that’s me.” She peered at Max, her blue eyes shimmering with excitement. “What’s your name?”

“M-Max,” Max mumbled, her hands still firmly clenched on her pirate dolls.

* * *

Beth stood frozen in front of Max, whose eyes widened.

“What the hell was that,” Beth exclaimed.

“What was what,” Steph said behind her.

Max shot up from her chair. Her heart beat rapidly. She had to get out of here! An incessant need to run flooded her mind and body. Words she didn’t hear blurted from her mouth as darkness swarmed her vision. Heat and terror and more beat her until she couldn’t see or hear anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank the amazing imagination and skill of C.Rangea.T for creating the picture I based the scene where young Max and Chloe meet: https://twitter.com/CRangeaT/status/1039755082865225728


	4. Chapter 4

Max wandered the streets of Portland in a haze. Steph had called her and texted her many times. She didn’t answer or read the texts. Her mind kept repeating the same thing, over and over, “Chloe is here.”

The ache inside had not dimmed, rather it grew in strength. The ache of a need unfulfilled, that could never be fulfilled.

Her mind and heart mourned the loss of the budding friendship with Steph, just as it mourned the loss of Chloe.

Early in the morning she somehow managed to make her way home, where she collapsed on her futon. Her mind and heart were numb. The entire time she had wanted to cry, had begged to cry and it simply wouldn’t happen. Lying on her couch, her hands dug at her hair, pulled it until her eyes streamed tears from the pain.

It wasn’t enough. The pain inside her eclipsed even that and was not satisfied. At last, worn out from the pain she slipped into a dark sleep.

* * *

“Mommy,” Max shouted as she bounded through the door, “you’ll never guess what happened today!”

“Maxine,” her mother said sternly, “You’re indoors, use your quiet voice. Plus, you didn’t wipe your feet! Now there are muddy footprints all over the floor.”

Stopping, Max’s little face dropped and she hung her head. “I’m sorry, mommy.” Her little voice had gone from bright and cheerful to sad.

Sighing, Vanessa Caulfield ground the heel of her hand against her forehead. Kneeling by her young daughter, she took the girl in her arms. “I’m sorry, Maxine. I’m tired from all the studying I did today. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

Max looked up at her mom, bottom lip stuck out. Vanessa melted before the sad face. Hugging her tight, she kissed the little girl on the forehead. “Tell you what, Maxine, let’s clean up the mud together and you can tell me all about what happened.”

The light returned to Max’s eyes swiftly at her mommy’s suggestion. “Yes, yes, yes,” Max said, bouncing on her toes. Within moments her muddy shoes were on the porch, waiting to be cleaned. Mother and daughter were side by side cleaning the floor with soapy water and rags.

“Are you going to tell me what happened today,” Vanessa prompted.

“I made a friend,” Max practically yelled. Vanessa stopped what she was doing and looked at her daughter.

“A friend,” Vanessa asked.

Looking at her mommy, face beaming like the sun, she nodded vigorously. “And her name is Chloe Elizabeth Price! She’s one year older than me. And best of all! She likes pirates too!”

* * *

The light of morning pulled Max reluctantly from her sleep. Sitting up, she peered around her apartment, thoughts sluggish and cold. A lump of cold pain was in her stomach. It took her several minutes to remember last night.

Lowering her head into her hands she let the pain wash over her. She had to stay away, that was the only way. Looking at her phone she saw it was dead. She was so frazzled when she got home she had forgot to plug it in.

Finding her charge cord, she plugged her phone in. And groaned. Today was her off day and she needed to use it to find another job. Slumping back on the futon, she fought the despair rising in her.

Drawing her legs up, she rested her forehead on her knees. She had her cafe job and the contract with Steph. The cafe job alone wouldn’t pay her bills and her contract required her to meet with Steph to review any pictures she had.

Pictures. Her camera! Her head snapped up, eyes wide as she realized she’d left her bag at Steph’s! Falling over with a groan she berated herself.

Why did I have to accept that D&D invitation? Why did I have to get close to Steph? Why did I think I could be friends with anyone?

She knew the answers to those questions. She was lonely, so lonely. That darkness inside was eating her alive. She wanted a friend. Steph’s invitation had touched her in a way that hadn’t happened in a very long time.

Not since an entire lifetime ago.

Friendship reminded her of that lifetime and the empty void she carried. A Chloe shaped void. It was why she avoided having friends. It fucking hurt!

Her stomach rumbled, distracting her from the dark thoughts. Rising from the futon, she set about the day.

After a shower, clean clothes, and a breakfast, which tasted bland, Max set her thoughts on replacing her lost job. The remainder of the day she spent applying for jobs and building a portfolio website. She was glad she hadn’t taken her laptop with her yesterday.

Steph called and messaged her several times. At some point she’d need to answer. Right now, everything was still too fresh. Talking to Steph would bring up too many questions that she couldn’t answer. Well, couldn’t answer in a way that Steph could believe.

For now she had to be the crazy photographer who bolted from a party for no reason.

The day lengthened towards night before Max gave thought to her missing bag. If not for that she could avoid Steph for a very long time. There were at least forty more sets to shoot and that could take her weeks. If she had a camera. If she had a camera better than her cellphone.

She was not ready to venture back to Steph’s apartment for her bag. If she knew when Chloe wasn’t there, she could go then. Without that knowledge she took a risk each time she went there. She would have to call Steph this week and arrange to get her bag.

Future meetings would need to be somewhere else as well. She couldn’t risk another meeting. Would it be strange to request that she only deal with Steph? Her finger tapped her chin at that thought.

A rumbling stomach told her it was time for dinner. Closing her laptop she prepared and ate her dinner, still tasting bland. Bed called her soon after.

Thursday came and the pain had ebbed a little. The emptiness inside was a little more bearable. It presented little obstacle to her day, other than when someone came to the cafe that reminded her of Chloe or Steph. Then, her face hot, she worked quickly to fulfill the order, handing it over without looking.

Steph called and messaged several times during the day. She would not give up. Max didn’t read the messages or listen to the voicemail. Her thumb played over the unread message count, amazed at seeing it in double digits. This girl, she would not give up and Max didn’t understand it.

* * *

“Girls! Come on! The food is almost ready.”

Max and Chloe giggled as they played along the rocky shoreline. William’s voice carried far on the wind, tempting them with promises of hotdogs and hamburgers.

“Captain Chloe Blue will not succumb to temptation of mere food,” Chloe shouted at the sea. She stood proudly atop the highest rock, foam sword thrust toward the sky.

“Aye, Captain Blue,” Max yelled from below, “the treasures of Blackbeard the Sea Dog await ye. Sail onward!”

The girls hopped from rock to rock, pretending to sail the sea to the treasure hold of Blackbeard. “Max Silver,” Chloe called, “do ye see sign of the scurvy beast?”

“Nay, Captain!”

They leaped onto the last rock, the largest and flattest of them all. “He be here abouts last time we seen ‘im,” Max said. At that moment a blond head popped above the rock.

“‘e be takin’ ye captive if ‘e don’t come ’n’ eat,” William cried as he scrambled onto the rock. The girls shrieked with surprise and stepped back. Then, the moment of surprise past, they leaped forward foam swords swinging.

William had his own foam sword and soon the three were swinging, and thrusting, and parrying, and leaping around the rock. Within moments Captain Blue and Max Silver had disarmed him and backed him to the edge of the rock.

“Ok. Ok,” he panted, “let me live and ye c’n ‘ave me treasure!”

With a flourish, the girls sheathed their swords. “Hotdogs and Hamburgers,” Max asked, eagerly.

“Just the way you like them,” William said as he tousled Max’s hair. Taking each girl by the hand, they leaped from the rock, and made their way back to the cook-out.

* * *

Friday was the same as Thursday, a long day where she tried to function without breaking into pieces. The pain was still there. Her food still tasted bland. The only good thing that happened was her bank account was finally unlocked. She received an email about it during her lunch break.

That news changed her mood and outlook. When she returned to work, she was a little faster, a little more positive with her coworkers. She even began humming a little tune.

It all came crashing down when she turned around to hand a finished sandwich to a customer only to see multi-colored hair and amazing blue eyes watching her. With a gasp she dropped the sandwich, spilling its contents all over the floor and making a loud clatter with the plate.

Everything faded except those blue eyes. They leaned closer and she heard the sound of speech but didn’t recognize the words.

Her shoulder was jostled, returning her to reality. Sound came back in a flash and she realized Chloe was talking to her.

“You know, you’re hella cute when you’re flustered,” Chloe said to her.

Oh no! Everything felt hot and her eyes darted around. She was vaguely aware of someone cleaning up her mess. A face peered into the edge of her vision. Her boss! No! She couldn’t screw up and lose this job too!

Scrambling to her knees, Max tried to help clean up the mess but somehow made it worse. Someone kneeled down next to her. Her boss.

Laying a hand gently on Max’s shoulder, she said, “Hey, Max, go talk to her. We’ll finish cleaning this up.”

Head snapping up, she saw a big grin on her boss’s face. No! She probably thought…gah!

The hints of a tremble wove its way through her. It started in her fingers, which couldn’t keep still. Rising to her feet, she looked at Chloe, then averted her eyes. Hands clenched together, she shuffled her way to the end of the counter where she could step into the general area.

She stood there several moments head down, Chloe looking her. Moving her head slightly, she took a quick glance at her. Chloe was looking at her with a half smile, eyes focused on her face.

“Were you checking me out the other night?”

That brought her head up quickly. “What? I- what?” Oh, it was hot in here again!

Chloe’s head nodded slowly. “Steph told me. Sitting next to you, she saw you sneaking peeks at me when you thought no one was looking.”

Chloe moved closer, not enough to enter Max’s personal space, but close enough. “Too bad you had to go so suddenly,” Chloe said. “I’d really like to know more about you.”

Max’s eyes kept flicking between Chloe and the store, Chloe and the store. Chloe kept that half smile on her face, hands in her pockets, loose stance while she spoke to her. Max’s hands, meanwhile, were trying to turn her apron into a tortilla and her feet shuffled here and there.

“Your coworkers say you make an awesome sandwich,” Chloe said after a while. “Do you think you could make me a sandwich sometime?”

Gulping, Max looked at Chloe again, then back on the counter. “Y-yes. The turkey on rye with sprouts is a favorite.”

Chloe held out a piece of paper. “Tell you what. Come over to our place tomorrow and you can make me a sandwich there. Text me what you need and I’ll be sure it’s there for you.”

Max looked at the paper, torn from a magazine. Digits were written on it in blue. A phone number. Chloe’s phone number. Biting her lip, she managed to loosen one hand to reach up and take the paper. She was very careful not to touch her.

“Can you make it by 6 PM?”

Max looked up again. Big mistake. Those blue eyes captured her again. Time lost meaning as she lost herself in those eyes. They leaned forward and she heard Chloe’s voice. “Is that a yes?”

Blinking, she pulled away. “Y-yes,” she managed to squeak out. Chloe gave her one more crooked smile, turned, and sauntered out the door.

Max didn’t mean to. She consciously told herself not to. But she couldn’t help herself. She turned and followed her with her eyes until Chloe left the shop.

That was when she realized she was holding her breath. Letting it out in a loud noise, she looked down at the paper clutched in on hand. A phone number with the name Beth Price.

Turning, she made her way back behind the counter. Only when she was back by the sandwich making station did she realize the cafe was quiet.

Oh god, no! Did everyone hear what just happened?

Face burning, she turned and scanned her coworkers and the few customers nearby. Too many of them had smiles on their faces and knowing looks in their eyes.

Her manager interposed herself in her vision. “Well, Max,” she gently said, “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend. That’s really great.”

Words failed her, as usual. She wanted to protest, to say she didn’t have a girlfriend. Would it matter? After what everyone saw, it didn’t matter what she said, her actions showed otherwise.

Resigning to a small smile, Max nodded and turned back to the sandwich station. She shoved the paper into her pocket, pushed the thoughts out of her mind, and focused on making sandwiches. Blue eyes watched her in her vision the rest of her shift.

The afternoon passed, and she finally stepped out into the late afternoon air. Instead of returning home, she went to one of her quiet places to think and plan. There were several places around each of her work places she found that provided privacy and quiet. When she was stressed, or her anxiety was getting the best of her, she’d go to one of these places and chill.

Chloe’s visit to the cafe had unnerved her and she needed to give thought to her future, if she would still have one here. The money that she’d originally planned to put toward her student loan debt, now she’d need to use as her emergency fund. In all likelihood she wouldn’t be able to get the drone either.

Letting the quiet of the place soothe her, she leaned against the brick warmed by the sun. The drone could help her get work. It might be worth the risk with her current situation. Or she should pay as many of her bills as she could with the money. She could check the numbers again when she got home.

She stayed in the quiet place a long time, letting her worries fade away. The blue eyes from earlier still haunted her. Truthfully, nothing would take those away. Did she even want that anymore?

They also spurred the ever-present melancholy. She was ignoring the warning signs and that would leave nothing but trouble. Arcadia Bay, Medford, Klamath Falls, Seattle, and more. She’d even left the Pacific Northwest once to no avail. Each time they found each other. Each time trouble found them.

She had to bring this to an end. Again. Before people got hurt, well more than herself. With that dark thought filling her mind, she left her quiet place.

The journey home eroded that resolve. There was something different with this timeline. The memories and visions had started earlier. She suspected that Chloe’s visit today was involved in the difference also.

The inner truth was, she wanted to be in Chloe’s company. No matter how much that hurt, no matter the fact she’d be forced into a reset.

The sun was near the horizon when she finally got home. There was a strange car parked on the street in front of the house. Probably someone visiting her landlady.

Once inside her apartment, she washed her hands then sat on the couch. Opening her laptop she was about to redo her finances when a knock sounded on the door, startling her.

No one had ever visited her. Who could it be? Maybe her landlady needed help with something. Once Max had to help her reset her iPad because it had stopped connecting to wifi and nothing else worked.


	5. Chapter 5

Stumbling away from Beth and the futon, Max waved her arms wildly. “I’m sorry,” Max cried, “I’m so sorry! I-I have to go!” Pushing away from the wall she stumbled to the door and out into the night before anyone could react.

“Well shit,” Beth said as Max disappeared from the apartment.

“Wow, your friend is really weird, Steph,” Drew rumbled. He had stopped helping Mikey at the strange commotion, but only for a moment.

“Hella weird,” Beth said, looking at Steph.

“Should we go after her,” Mikey asked, looking up from the game table. He’d been looking forward to this gaming session for a few weeks. The hesitation in his voice was too obvious.

“I told you she’s been acting really weird,” Steph said, only paying half attention to the others. “It started when I told her we were from Arcadia Bay.”

“You better try calling her,” Beth said as she went and looked out the door.

Pulling out her phone, Steph did just that. After several rings the call went to voice mail. Hanging up, she quickly composed a text.

“Steph: Max! Are you ok? Call me, please.”

“What did you see,” Mikey asked Beth. He was still arranging the game pieces on the map, hopeful for a gaming session. His face told everyone he doubted this would happen now.

“It was…weird, like a memory but sharp and crisp.”

“A memory of what?”

Beth looked at Mikey, unwilling to share it with him. “Did anyone else hear her call me Chloe earlier,” she said instead.

Looking up from her phone, Steph said, “I did.”

“The only person I’ve heard call you that is your mom,” Mikey said.

“I changed it to Beth when I entered Blackwell. How could she know it? Did you ever use that name with her, Steph?”

Looking up from her phone, Steph shook her head. “No. Just Beth.” She put her phone away with a sigh. “Listen, I’m sorry guys but the game’s not going to happen tonight. I want to go look for her, make sure she’s ok.”

“I’ll go with you,” Beth volunteered. Nodding, Steph grabbed a light jacket, wallet, and keys. “Drew? Mickey? There’s plenty of food and drink in the kitchen. Help yourself. Call us if she shows up!”

Grabbing a jacket of her own, Chloe joined Steph in leaving the apartment. Both were silent until they got in the car, a late model Japanese brand that got good gas mileage. It wasn’t the nicest looking car with a mismatched paint job, but it was theirs.

They drove slowly for several minutes in silence, peering at each person they passed. None were Max, of course. The number of people outside at night in this part of town was very low.

“You’re right,” Beth said after a time. “She looks exactly like the character model I made for our game.”

“Freaky isn’t it,” Steph asked, her face looking out the side window.

“Hella freaky.”

Neither woman said anything for a time. Steph tried calling Max again, leaving a voice mail and another text message.

After about thirty minutes, Steph parked at the side of the road. Tapping her fingers on the steering wheel she leaned her head against her propped up hand. “I think she likes you.”

“What? Why the hell do you think that?”

A sly grin spread across Steph’s mouth as she tilted it to look at her friend. “Because she kept looking at you all night. She couldn’t keep her eyes off of you.”

“Really? I didn’t notice.”

“That’s because you were too busy showing Drew how to game. Then you were too busy crushing on Joi.” Steph got a little pleasure at seeing a little red in Beth’s cheeks with the last comment.

“Pssh,” Beth said, “I crushed on Joi? Aren’t you the one with the Joi body pillow?”

“Fair enough,” Steph said, leaning toward Beth. “But Joi doesn’t look at me the way Max was looking at you!”

“What do you mean by that?” Beth had turned to look outside so Steph couldn’t study her face.

“Like…she lost something and finally found it.”

“Whatever. Besides, you said she was lonely. She’s probably starving for any kind of companionship right now.”

“Companionship. Right. That’s exactly what I thought when I saw that look. ‘Max sees Beth as a potential companion.’”

A little warmth crept into Beth’s ears at Steph’s words. Truth was, Max seemed like a nice girl. She wished the girl had talked more. She seemed so different from her typical friends. It was only their first meeting though, and the girl had seem so scared when she ran away.

The conversation died and they sat in silence a while.

“I had another dream last night,” Beth whispered into the dark cab.

Looking at her friend, Steph frowned. “One of those lucid dreams?”

Her gaze fixed outside the passenger window, Beth rested her chin on her hand propped against the window. “I was looking for something, or maybe someone. There was this really weird sense that something was gone. Like something was supposed to be present, but wasn’t.”

“Did you have that sense of urgency in the dream?”

“Whatever it was felt…important. Like there was an important question that would be answered if only what was missing was found.”

“That’s what? The fifth one?”

“In a week and a half.”

Silence descended on the women as they sank into their own thoughts. Steph sent another text to Max, and tried calling again. She got the same results as before.

“For a while I thought she wouldn’t come. I think she doesn’t realize how much she broadcasts that she’s lonely.”

Looking at her friend, Beth grinned. “That’s something I always liked about you. You like to gather all those who are lost and help them be whole.”

Steph pushed Beth’s shoulder playfully. “Hey, it worked for you, didn’t it?”

“And Mikey, and Kate, and many others. You’ve a good heart, Steph.”

“Maybe, but good hearts don’t always mean good results.”

Looking out into the darkness, Steph muttered aloud. “Max Caulfield, where are you?”

“True. I’m still sorry things didn’t work out between you and Rachel.”

Nodding, but keeping her eyes focused outside the car, Steph said, “Two bright stars don’t burn well when close together.”

“True dat.”

Starting the car, Steph began driving again. For two hours they drove around their neighborhood and that part of Portland. Every few minutes one of them called or texted Max from Steph’s cell phone.

As they drove back, Beth laid her hand on Steph’s arm. “She left her backpack, didn’t she? I’m sure she’ll come back for that.”

Left unsaid was the fact Max hadn’t returned for it yet. Drew or Mikey would have called if that happened. A bit dejected, Steph parked the car. “Tonight sucked,” she announced as they got out of the car.

Beth nodded agreement.

They returned to the apartment, the D&D session cancelled. Instead they spent the night playing video games. Steph kept up her texting and calling of Max, to no avail.

“You’ve got to stop doing that,” Beth said early in the morning. “You’re going to freak her out. I mean talk about overly attached girlfriend behavior.”

Sighing, Steph put down her phone and resolved to not call or text for a while. They crashed before the sun came up, sleeping until past noon. Coming out of her room, still in the same clothes as before, Steph put on the coffee then checked her phone. As expected, Max had not called or responded to texts.

Why was she so intent on helping this girl? Scratching her head through her beanie, she yawned and surveyed the contents of the fridge for breakfast potential. Checking the clock, she adjusted that to lunch potential.

“Any progress?”

Beth’s question startled her and she bonked her head on the fridge. Giving Beth a playful glare, she closed the fridge. “On Max or lunch?”

“Either, although my stomach is saying lunch is the priority.”

“Well, we still have left over pizza, and some stuff for tacos. Or I can whip up some eggs.”

“I can whip up some eggs. You know that if breakfast is the order, I’m the one doing the cooking.”

“Ah, does Beth not like browned eggs?”

“Gross!”

“Well then, eggs it is!”

Pouring herself a cup of coffee, Steph cleared off a portion of the counter and sat on it. Beth glared at her a bit, then began cleaning the dishes in preparation for cooking eggs.

Mikey and Drew appeared in the kitchen entrance, attracted by the loud noises Beth was making. “Coffee’s in the pot, guys,” Steph said, taking a sip of her own. Looking a little bleary eyed, they got their own cups.

“Anything we can do to help,” Drew asked.

“Nah, kitchen’s too small,” Beth said. “I think we got this. Thanks for the offer.”

Nodding, the brothers turned to go. “You can clean up the front room though,” Steph called as they left. Within moments the sounds of cleaning came from the front room.

Beth nodded her head. “Cool.” Steph could see a grin on her face as she said it.

“Can you get the bacon and eggs out, please?”

Sliding off the counter, Steph opened the fridge and got out the items. “Ugh, the fridge of holding is now empty. We’ll have to do some shopping soon.”

“Empty? I thought you said there was pizza and taco stuff in there?”

“Empty of the good stuff you make. Filled with the shitty stuff I make.”

“Hey! Your tacos are good. Don’t be that hard on yourself!”

Setting the items on the counter, Steph retrieved the pan Beth liked to use and put it on a burner. “Compared to your eggs and bacon? Mine is like Taco Bell food, while yours is fit for a foodie.”

Finishing the dishes, Beth turned around, a big grin on her face. “With compliments like that, I still find it hard to believe Rachel bailed on you after three years.”

A frown creased Steph’s face at her friend’s words. “Let’s…not talk about that right now.”

Beth placed a hand on her shoulder. “Sorry.”

It still hurt a year later that Rachel had decided to pursue a different direction. Steph hoped she was having success in California. Slipping back on the counter, she said, “It’s ok.”

Opening the package, Beth began laying the bacon in the pan. She’d cook the eggs in it afterward, giving them a great flavor. “What are you going to do about Max?”

Sipping her coffee Steph made a face. “Keep trying to get ahold of her.”

“You could always search her bag for an address.”

“Oof. I don’t like the thought of going through her stuff. She’s a private person. I’m sure she’ll see that as some kind of violation of herself.”

“That’s possible, but how else will you find her?”

“Google. She’s an artist. She’s got to have an account in Instagram, ArtistStation, DeviantArt, or something like that.”

“I think you rolled a one with that. She’s not going to have her address there.” Beth turned on the burner and threw out the bacon packaging. She started breaking eggs into a bowl.

Steph mentally acknowledged what her friend said, but didn’t comment on it. “I think you should go after her.”

“What?” Beth knocked the egg too hard against the rim. It went all over her hand, the side of the bowl, and counter. Shooting a look at Steph while she washed her hand, she thought about what she said.

“And why should I go after her? What does that even mean?” Drying her hand she began cleaning egg off the counter. Now only eleven eggs would be cooked. Hopefully that’s enough for all of them. Drew was a big eater.

“Did I tell you she’s also from Arcadia Bay?”

“No you didn’t, and what does that have to do with my questions?”

“You went to public school before Blackwell, do you remember a Max Caulfield? I mean the town is really small, it only has one of each type of public school.”

“No I don’t remember her, which doesn’t mean anything. She could have moved before kindergarten.”

“I don’t think so. The way she reacted when learning we’re from Arcadia Bay? There’s something there, some memory that’s deep.”

The bacon was sizzling nicely and Beth checked one. They needed a few more minutes before turning. She put the rest of her ingredients into the eggs and began whisking them. “So what? You still haven’t answered my questions!”

“Hey, are we eating lunch here or going out?” Drew had poked his head into the kitchen. Grabbing an open bag of chips, Steph tossed it to him. “Gotta wait, dude. Good things come to those who wait. Or some shit like that.”

Smiling, he grabbed the chips, gave a two finger salute and left. Steph watched him go, thinking about Beth’s questions.

“One, you made a character model in our video game that looks exactly like her. Where did that come from anyway? Two, she didn’t freak out until she saw you. Three, she knows your name. How does she know that? Four, she was giving you googly eyes all night.”

Beth had stopped whisking. “She was in a dream.”

“What was that?”

Glancing at the cooking bacon, Beth spent a few moments turning them before facing her friend. “I didn’t tell you about my first dream.”

“You mean the one you had a week or two ago?”

“No. The one I had months ago.” Beth studied the floor a moment. It needed cleaned. Her toe rubbed a scuff of dirt away. “It was our first night here. I had this dream where I was a little kid again, at school. I had my pirate dolls with me-”

“Pirate dolls? You had pirate dolls as a kid?”

“Do you want to hear this or not?”

“Whoa! Ok, sorry, sorry. Yes, I want to hear this.” The way Beth was looking at her was unusual. A certain seriousness in the set of her eyes, her stance.

“Yes, I had pirate dolls. I made my own clothes for them. No other girls liked pirates when I was little. It wasn’t until the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie that girls really started liking pirates. Only in my dream I found another girl in my school who also liked pirates. She had dolls of her own.”

She paused to check on the bacon. It was crisp, in just the right way. Turning down the heat she began moving them to some folded paper towels to help remove the grease.

“The girl in my dream is what I based my character model on.”

“You based your character model on a five year old girl?”

Shaking her head, Beth said, “No. I saw her again the following night-”

“Wait…how many dreams have you had since we moved here that you didn’t tell me about?”

Picking up the bowl, Beth whisked the contents a few more times, then poured them into the pan. A sizzling hiss of steam erupted above the pan. Setting down the bowl and whisk, she grabbed a spatula and began working the eggs.

Turning on the water, Steph grabbed the bowl and wire whip to wash. They always tried to partner in this way when cooking.

“Only those two. I had them the first two nights then…nothing until last week.”

“What happened in your other dream, the second night?”

Beth was silent for so long that Steph completed washing the items, turned off the water, and was considering re-asking the question. “I was saying goodbye to her.”

She went silent after that, focusing on putting the finishing touch on the eggs. Leaning backward against the counter next to her, Steph asked, “Like at the end of the day or-wait, are you crying? Why are you crying?”

Dropping the spatula, Beth left the room in a hurry. Surprised, Steph stood there a moment. The smell of food jogged her and she grabbed the spatula. Thankfully the eggs were mostly done. Grabbing a large plate, she piled the eggs on it and turned off the stove.

“Drew! Mikey! Food’s in the kitchen,” she called as she left the kitchen going toward Beth’s room.

At Beth’s closed door, she knocked. There was commotion inside, but no invitation to enter. Bracing herself, Steph said, “Hey miss, I’m coming in.”

Cautiously she opened the door. Beth didn’t like showing her true feelings in front of people. As nice as Drew and Mikey were, they weren’t close enough for Beth to be herself, without being angry.

Inside she found Beth had upturned her dirty laundry basket and thrown the clothes around the room. Now she sat on the bed, facing the wall away from the door. Moving aside some dirty clothes, Steph climbed on the bed behind her.

Putting her hand on Beth’s shoulder, she said, “it’s ok to talk about it, Beth. It’s ok to have those feelings.”

“But it was a fucking dream,” Beth sniffed. “Why should a fucking dream make me feel like shit?”

“Tell me about the dream, please?”

Beth sniffed some more, wiping her nose on the sleeve of her hoodie. “There’s not much to it. There was this sense of doom or destruction and I stood on a hill. It was like…chaos around us. She stood with me. We were talking, but…”

She turned around, tucking her legs under her as she did. “She looked so…sad like she was losing something…or someone.”

Falling silent again, she looked at her hands. “She…? Do you mean Max,” Steph prompted.

Beth nodded. “I knew immediately it was the same person from the earlier dream, but older. Late teens maybe? She told me something I don’t remember, and then I said…I distinctly remember this, Wherever I end up after this…in whatever reality…all those moments between us were real, and they’ll always be ours.”

“Wow,” Steph whispered into the silence that descended after Beth said that. Beth nodded, wiping her nose and eyes. “Is that where it ended?”

“No,” Beth whispered. “We spoke some more and the sense of doom got stronger. It’s like we had to act right now or something dreadful would happen! And then…then I told her, I’ll always love you… Now get out of here please! Do it before I freak. And Max Caulfield? Don’t you forget about me.”

Steph’s eyebrows raised and she leaned back. “Max Caulfield? Like the same exact name of our photographer? And you told her you loved her?”

Again, Beth nodded. “In the dreams she called me Chloe…”

The thoughts in Steph’s head were whirling out of control. She could only just stare at her friend for long minutes. Shaking her head to clear it, she asked, “How did that make you feel?”

“Like someone just died. And angry. Like I’m mad at the world and I don’t understand why!”

Reaching out Steph took Beth’s hand, squeezing it. “I’m sorry. That dream sounds intense and really sucky.” Beth gave a weak smile and nodded.

“At the time I thought it was a fluke, an over active imagination or something. I was so deep into character models and research at the time I thought my imagination was just on over drive.”

“And that’s where you got the inspiration for our main character model?”

“Aside from how she looked, I pushed those dreams out of my mind. Gradually I forgot them. We had so much going on, we just moved here, we were getting setup at our jobs and such that I never brought it up.”

“And when you saw her last night?”

Shifting a bit on the bed, Beth dropped Steph’s hand. “Well that was a surprise. I was weirded out when you told me she looked exactly like the model. She called me Chloe. The weirdest part though? That was just before she bailed.”

Beth took a deep breath. “Right before she freaked out, our fingers touched and…that first dream replayed. The one where I found another girl that liked pirates. Only this time I knew. There was no mistaking that the girl in my dream, the girl in that vision, and our photographer Max Caulfield are the same person.”

“Is that why you came with me to look for her?”

“Yes.”

“How are you feeling right now?”

“Confused. Angry. Sad. Confused again. I don’t understand why I feel this way, Steph. And it’s kind of scary.”

Patting Beth’s knee, Steph smiled and said, “well I can’t say I understand this, because I don’t. But I can say we’ll get through it somehow. Steph and Beth together, right?”

The weak smile reappeared on Beth’s face. “The dreams restarted the same day you and Max first exchanged messages.”

Steph’s smile faltered a little. She hadn’t known that. “I…think all this means you are the one to look for her, not me.”

Beth’s eyes widened. “No…I-I can’t Steph! Please, I can’t explain it but the thought of seeing her again right now just fills me with something I don’t understand.”

Tears glistened in Beth’s eyes and Steph’s mouth pressed into a line. She didn’t like whatever was upsetting her friend, and didn’t like the fact neither of them understood what was happening.

“Alright. I’ll give her a couple of days to contact me. If she doesn’t then I’ll look in her bag and try to hunt her down.” Sliding off the bed, she patted Beth. “Now, we better get back to the kitchen before Drew and Mikey eat all the food. You don’t want my tacos today.”

“More like, you don’t want your tacos today,” Beth shot back as she rose from the bed.

In the kitchen they found there was enough food for each of them, although they each only got one strip of bacon. Beth gave the guys hell for eating all the bacon.

The rest of the day was given over the video games and movies. Drew and Mikey had to leave the following morning so, after a pizza run, and another movie, they went to bed at a reasonable time.

The following morning they bade Drew and Mikey farewell and returned to normal life. Steph complained about having to build another WordPress plugin site. She did a lot of consulting gigs, which allowed her to work from the apartment most of the time. Beth had a coding job in town.

Despite their complaints, the day past quickly. Steph continued calling and messaging Max, just less. There was no response. Dinner was take out. The fridge was still spartan, and neither had time to shop that day.

“Were you able to get ahold of Max,” Chloe asked over her burger. They had splurged and got burgers from one of the specialty places.

Steph shoved several fries into her mouth. “No,” she said around the bite. “I’ll get her bag after dinner and we’ll look through it together.”

Beth squirmed at Steph’s words. Sharing those dreams had stirred feelings inside her she didn’t understand. Why do I feel these things about someone I’ve never met?

Eating noises occupied the remainder of dinner. Upon finishing, they cleaned up, including the remaining mess in the kitchen. Steph disappeared near the end, going to her room to get Max’s bag.

Drying her hands, Beth went into the living room. Steph was waiting for her, pack on the table. She said nothing as she took a seat. “Here we go,” Steph said as she unzipped the front of the bag.

Within moments they found what they needed. An address holder was on the front flap. Inside was a card containing Max’s name, and an address. A quick Google search showed them the location.

“Do we go tonight,” Beth asked after studying the driving route.

After several moments of study, Steph said, “No. I’ll go there tomorrow. As much as I think you should be with me, seeing you is what caused her to run.”

Decision made, Steph added the address to Max’s contact, then returned it to the bag. She zipped the pocket closed, then placed it by the front door.

The remainder of the night was spent working on their project. Neither woman’s heart was in it though, resulting in slow, painful progress.

Beth couldn’t stop thinking about her dreams. What could they mean? Why were the recent ones vague? The first two had been so specific and clear she could recall the details with ease months later. The ones of the last week were the opposite.

After debugging the same line of code for ten minutes straight, without actually seeing the code, Steph shut her laptop with a groan. It was only 9 PM, but she felt spent. Bidding Beth goodnight, she prepared for bed, then shut herself in her room.

Friday morning dawned, rousing the two girls. Steph had another project to complete for the agency she worked for, and Beth was headed to the office. “My plan is to finish my project then head to the address. I’ll sit there until I know Max is home, then talk to her.”

Beth nodded, a twisting in her stomach. Since sharing her first dreams the other night, something was pushing her to take action. Yesterday she had been able to redirect that insistent energy into work. Knowing Steph would likely see Max today was intensifying that push.

“You probably won’t know what time you’ll be home then,” Beth asked as she slipped her laptop into her backpack.

“No. I’ll call you before I come home though.”

Nodding, Beth hefted the bag, slipping it over her shoulders. “I’ll do some shopping after work then.”

Opening the door, she paused, then looked at Steph. “Good luck.” Steph thanked her, and Beth left.

The agency project was optimizing an underperforming web site. Another one in WordPress. It didn’t take too long to spot the problems, the client had installed a plugin that abused the database. Grumbling to herself about the poor quality of WordPress plugins, she set to work fixing the problem.

Several hours later, after replacing the plugin and reconfiguring the caching, she was done. Looking at the clock she saw it was almost lunch time. Submitting her billable details to the Agency, she closed her laptop and decided to go to Max’s apartment. Maybe she would be lucky and it would be her day off?

Grabbing her wallet, a jacket, and keys, she locked the apartment and got in the car. Setting up the navigation, she put her phone in the holder and started the car. Leaving the complex, she decided to get lunch on the way.

Roughly an hour later, she parked on the side of the road. She was in an older neighborhood. The houses and yards were still well tended, but it looked quiet. Probably only middle-aged couples and seniors living here now. The address in Max’s bag told Steph that she lived in some kind of detached apartment. Finishing her sandwich, she wiped her hands and got out of the car.

The whole number part of the address belonged to a well-tended house set back from the street. A detached garage was in back, at the end of the long driveway. She spotted stairs on the side of the garage, with a mailbox attached to the fence next to the stairs. The garage was small, maybe one and half cars, if that. Max’s apartment must be tiny.

Climbing the stairs, she knocked on the door at the top. As she guessed, no answer. Returning to her car, she decided to wait there until Max returned.

The afternoon crawled along. She busied herself with music, podcasts, and games on her phone, but those eventually became boring. Towards mid-afternoon she got a text from Beth.

“Beth: so…I kind of saw Max at lunch today and she’s coming over for dinner tomorrow. At 6.”

“Steph: Wut? Why’d you go see her?”

“Beth:…I can’t explain…I just had to. And OMG is she so cute when she’s flustered!”

“Steph: oooh, is Beth in love?”

“Beth: IDK…maybe? I’ve only seen her twice.”

“Steph: but she’s the girl of your dreams!”

“Beth: so not liking that now!”

“Steph: lol - 6 tomorrow then. I’m still parked outside her apt waiting for her.”

“Beth: yes 6.“

Chuckling to herself as she imagined Beth and Max together, Steph put some music on and reclined the seat. Would they make a cute couple?

The sky darkened toward nightfall. It was well into evening, approaching night, when she saw someone walking toward her on the other side of the street. With her phone she took a quick picture, then zoomed in. It was Max.

The girl passed her, with barely a glance at the car. Steph waited several minutes before getting out and climbing the stairs once again. At the top she paused, looking at the backpack in her hand and contemplating what to say. Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly, lifted her hand, and knocked.


	6. Chapter 6

Nodding, Beth hefted the bag, slipping it over her shoulders. “I’ll do some shopping after work then.”

Opening the door, she paused, then looked at Steph. “Good luck.”

“Thanks,” Steph called after her as she stepped out and closed the door.

Once outside, Beth slipped her earbuds in. Today she needed something rousing, fast and energetic. Her head began weaving small movements as she went down the stairs.

Her current work project was refactoring some ugly legacy code, the complete opposite of exciting. In fact that was most of her work. As the junior dev on the team she got all the work the other devs didn’t want.

The work was boring, but also challenging. She found particular enjoyment in taking that ugly, unmaintainable code and turning it into something elegant. More important, it was now testable and reliable. If only it wasn’t written in PHP 4. It paid the bills though, and gave her a rather flexible schedule.

Getting on the bus, she found a seat near a window and sat down. She’d be on this bus for a while. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back and let the music take her away.

Blue eyes surrounded by freckles and topped with brown hair captured her mind. Damn this! That sense, no that need, for action was building in her. What was this? Why did she have dreams about that girl? Who really was she?

Her mind drifted over the events of Tuesday night. Unlike what she told Steph, she had noticed Max looking at her, and not like strangers or even friends might. It had confused her.

Max was a pretty girl, no doubt about that. Why would a complete stranger look at her like that? Well, why would she have dreams about a complete stranger?

So engrossed in these thoughts was she that she almost missed her transfer. Hurrying from the bus, she stood in line for the next one. A name popped into her head then, A Rise Above. That was the name of the cafe where Max worked. Would she be there today?

The thought made her breath catch and amplified that need for action. Before she knew it, her phone was out and she was Googling the address. Wow, it was really close to her office! Her heart suddenly began pounding rapidly, causing her to lock her phone and put it away.

The other bus came and she hurried with the others to get on. It took several moments for her heart to calm down. She held onto the handrail, head resting against her arm. That girl.

Her office didn’t provide her any real distraction either. One of those stupid open office concepts, she was stuck in the middle of a bunch of yapping sales and marketing people. Her sound dampening headphones helped a lot, but there was so much activity her attention kept wandering to a memory of blue eyes.

The thousand line function that violated every best practice was no match for those eyes. Finally, she slumped forward, planting her head on her keyboard. She needed a distraction from her distraction. Taking off her head phones and placing them on her desk, she rose and went for a coffee.

Coffee is one thing her employer did well. They had a full service coffee bar for employees. Taking her order to a small table overlooking a little garden, she sipped and thought.

That cafe was about a ten minute walk from the office. It was almost noon right now. If Max was working today, she’d either take lunch before or after the lunch rush. Her employer had a liberal work hour policy. She could go there, see Max (if she was even working today!) and still have time to get lunch somewhere.

Decision made, she took her coffee back to her desk, put on her head phones and found she could now focus. An hour later she had enough behavior tests written she was confident she could start modifying the function itself. That was a project for after lunch.

Pushing away from her desk, she suddenly had a thought. Opening a drawer, she grabbed a magazine and flipped to the first white page and tore a piece from it. She wrote her name and number on it, then stuffed it in her pocket.

Poking her head into her boss’s office, she said, “Hey, I’m headed to lunch now. Probably be about two hours.” He nodded to her, focused on his screen. Lucky bastard got his own office where he could work on code in peace and quiet. One day, that’s what she would have.

Putting her earbuds in, she let Google maps guide her to the cafe. The lunch rush was just ending. She saw a few customers at tables inside. She also saw Max, working with her back to the window.

The sight of Max infused her with energy and thoughts started going rapidly through her mind. Now that she was here, looking at this girl, this stranger that presented such mystery, what did she plan to do?

She began bouncing on her toes while she built and rejected introduction after introduction. Telling herself she just needed to jump in and get it over with, she opened the door and went inside.

The smell of fresh bread, ground coffee, and spices washed over her. A sense of nostalgia hit her, memories of going to the Two Whales diner as a kid for her mom to make her a meal. Winding her way to the counter, she stayed back where she could study the menu.

A lady, perhaps in her thirties or forties, was at the register. She smiled at Beth when she caught her eye. “One moment,” Beth said, “never been here before.”

“Take your time,” the lady said. Max kept working. She apparently hadn’t heard the exchange.

Beth gave the lady a smile and turned her attention back to the menu. Well, she tried. Her eyes fixed on Max. She was preparing a sandwich for the person waiting at the counter. She was so sure, so precise in her movements.

There were bracelets on her wrist, reminding Beth of the ones she wore in her teens. She couldn’t see through the plastic gloves on Max’s hands to make out any details on the bracelets.

“She makes a really good turkey on rye,” the lady said, interrupting Beth’s thoughts.

Startled by the lady’s words, Beth realized people were behind her in line. Hurrying to the counter, she said, “What was that?”

“I said a turkey on rye.”

“And, um, Max makes a good turkey on rye?” Beth silently cursed herself. Why was she fucking this up?

The lady’s smile broadened. “Ah, you do know her,” she said.

Beth just nodded, then said, “I’ll uh, take one of those.”

The lady rang her up, passed a slip back to the sandwich counter and gave Beth her total. Paying the bill, she moved over to the waiting area while the next person stepped to the counter.

From here she had a much better view of Max and for a moment Beth let her eyes stray. Cursing herself again, she brought them back up to Max’s head and shoulder area. She didn’t know if Max was into girls and didn’t know if she would appreciate Beth checking her out.

It didn’t take long for Max to make her sandwich. Placing it on a plate with a little flourish, she turned to hand it over and froze. The jitteriness and uncertainty disappeared from Beth as she saw those blue eyes and freckles.

Beth smiled a little as Max’s eyes went wide and a little flush crept up her face. The plate dropped, crashing to the floor.

Beth leaned in and said, “No worries, I wanted that to go anyway.” Her smile grew as she said those words. Max just looked at her blankly, her mouth hanging open.

The lady at the register touched Max’s shoulder, causing the girl to jump with a yelp. “You know, you’re hella cute when you’re flustered,” Beth said as Max’s blush deepened.

The lady bent down to clean up the mess and Max dropped to her knees as well. The lady said something that Beth couldn’t catch and then Max popped back into view. She looked a little wild with her wide eyes darting around. Slowly she began shuffling toward an opening at the end of the counter.

The looks the other employees gave the two weren’t lost on Beth. There was a knowing smile on the older lady’s face as she handed something to Chloe, and the other two employees were making little signs of encouragement.

Max came from behind the counter, her head down. Her hands were clutching her apron tight, worrying it. For a moment Beth remembered that vision of the uncertain girl with the self-made pirate dolls. The two were the same person.

Seeing Max give her a quick glance, Beth moved nearer and said, “Were you checking me out the other night?”

Oh god! Why did she say that! That’s not how you start a conversation with a girl!

Max’s head snapped up, her eyes still wide. “What? I- what?” The blush that had gone away returned in full force. Yes, a flustered Max was very cute.

Nodding slowly, Beth said, “Steph told me. Sitting next to you, she saw you sneaking peeks at me when you thought no one was looking.”

Moving as close as she dared to the smaller girl, she continued, “Too bad you had to go so suddenly. I’d really like to know more about you.”

Max was flicking her eyes everywhere, not able to meet Beth’s calm look. Beth was so tempted to reach out and take the girl’s hands before she destroyed her apron. But she kept them in her pockets.

“Your coworkers say you make an awesome sandwich,” Beth said after a while. “Do you think you could make me a sandwich sometime?”

Max briefly looked at Beth, then away. “Y-yes. The turkey on rye with sprouts is a favorite.”

Funny. That is the same one the lady at the register suggested.

Slipping a hand from her pocket, she held it out to Max. It held that paper with her cell number. “Tell you what. Come over to our place tomorrow and you can make me a sandwich there. Text me what you need and I’ll be sure it’s there for you.”

The awkward girl just looked at the paper, as if not seeing it. Beth saw her bottom lip disappear as she chewed on it, then her hand slowly came up to take the paper.

“Can you make it by 6 PM?”

Max looked up again and just stared at her, into her eyes. Beth studied Max’s face. Her clear blue eyes decorated with freckles. The way her bottom lip was tucked into her mouth. Something was happening inside her, something she didn’t understand.

Her voice was suddenly throaty and dry as she managed to ask, “Is that a yes?”

Her question caused Max to blink and step away from her. She shook her head like coming from a deep sleep. “Y-yes,” she said and her voice was high pitched and squeaky.

Giving Max one last smile, Beth sauntered from the cafe and around the corner. Once out of view of the cafe, her knees gave way and she collapsed against a wall. All the confidence and energy she had in the cafe fled.

She slumped there an unknown amount of time, held up only by the wall. That entire experience in the cafe was unreal. None of her questions had been answered, but now Max was coming over tomorrow to make her a sandwich? That was…bizarre.

No, that wasn’t true. There were some questions answered, or partially answered. Max did like girls, or at least liked her. The way she answered Beth’s question sealed that. Further, she realized she had some interest in Max as well.

That was a confusing part. It was like some unknown internal force was pushing her to be with Max. The girl certainly drew her eyes, but it felt like something wanted to accelerate anything between them. She did wonder why Steph hadn’t moved on the shy girl already. The fact she was their photographer might have something to do with that. Or, more likely, that she still wasn’t over Rachel.

It had been a while since Beth had a special someone, male or female. For the last few years, companionship was what she wanted most. Steph gave her that. In the last couple of weeks, something had awakened in her. Something she didn’t understand, and Max seemed its epicenter.

Pushing away from the wall finally, Beth made her way to another place to grab a sandwich before returning to work. She’d have to let Steph know to expect Max for dinner tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

Setting her laptop aside, careful to lock it, Max rose and went to the door. She opened it and froze. Standing on her porch, camera bag in hand, was Steph. “So…uh, hi,” Steph said, shifting from foot to foot.

Feeling a cool breeze on her tongue, Max closed her mouth. Words were a distant memory as she looked at the girl. The light grey beanie was a nice contrast with Steph’s dark hair. “So…can I come in?”

Acting on instinct Max stepped aside and Steph entered. Closing the door, Max leaned against it. All the conflicting emotions of the day came to life within her at Steph’s presence. The joy and pain at rediscovering Chloe, the dread of what was to come, uncertainty of when she should make the decision. They battled within leaving her directionless with this new change.

“You’re hard to get a hold of, Max.”

Screwing her eyes shut, Max mustered all her energy to ask, “Why?”

“Why…what?”

Her throat was suddenly dry and it took several moments before Max could say anything. “Why did you come here?”

“That’s pretty obvious. You left your camera bag at my apartment. It’s kind of hard for you to take pictures without it.”

Like Chloe earlier, there was no accusation. Steph didn’t lead with a question, she led with something safe, her camera.

Her head was still leaning against the door. “Thank you for returning my camera, Steph.” So formal, so…distant.

Mustering her courage and energy again, she smiled as much as she could and turned around. Steph was sitting on her futon, camera bag next to her. “You didn’t have to come all the way here to return it. I was going to call you tomorrow.” How did she know where Max lived anyway?

Steph nodded her head and patted the cushion next to her, indicating she wanted Max to sit. “It’s not a problem, Max! I did have to do a little detective work. Thankfully you have your address on a card inside your bag.”

While she spoke, Max stiffly went to the futon and sat down. She kept herself as far from Steph as she could, grinding the armrest into her back. Her eyes stayed focused on her hands, which wanted to pluck at her jeans. An uncomfortable silence descended on them.

“Beth told me she saw you today?”

Max nodded.

“So…are you coming over for dinner tomorrow?”

“I…uh.” Chloe. She wanted to see Chloe. Lifting her eyes, she said, “Yes. I’ll come over.”

“Awesome!”

More silence surrounded them. Max’s eyes fell again.

From the corner of her eye, Max saw Steph study both her and her apartment. At that moment Max realized her entire apartment could fit into the living room of Steph’s apartment. Even though the complex she and Beth lived in didn’t look the greatest, they were still doing well for themselves.

“Do you have friends, Max? A boyfriend? A girlfriend?”

The questions surprised Max, making her look up again. She didn’t answer the questions though. Instead, she said, “Why do you ask?”

“I don’t see pictures of anyone in your life that’s special to you. Not even a picture of parents. No one. For a photographer that strikes me as a little odd.”

Swallowing against a rising sense of unease, Max said, “Why…why do you care?” Wow! That was harsh.

The callous answer caused Steph to snap her eyes to Max. There was a tightening around her eyes and lips. When she spoke her voice was still calm and warm. “You’re right, maybe I shouldn’t.”

“I…I’m sorry, Steph. That was pretty rude of me.”

Steph’s face relaxed then, and she said, “You may not realize this, Max, but everything about you practically screams ‘I’m Lonely!’.”

Although Steph spoke with warmth, the words caused Max to flinch and she closed her eyes. Of course she was lonely! Friends just led her to pain. More than once that had been drilled into her until she gave up. “Can you…just give me my camera bag please?” She had to force the words out, mouth tightly clenched from the emotions coursing through her.

Something touched her arm and her eyes snapped open. Steph had leaned forward and placed the tips of her fingers against Max’s arm. Seeing Max looking at her, she said, “What is that?” Her other finger pointed.

Max’s eyes followed the direction Steph was pointing. In dealing with her emotions, she had moved in a way that pulled her left sleeve back. Max gasped and quickly pulled the sleeve over her wrist. It was too late though, Steph had seen it.

“Your tattoo is beautiful. Why…why does it say Chloe Price?”

Max groaned and slid down until she was practically laying on the futon. No, no, no! This can’t be happening again! It was like decisions kept being made for her! Why did her life keep sending her down this path?

“I…can’t do this tonight, Steph. I know you’re trying to be nice…can we talk more tomorrow when Chloe is with us?”

Steph didn’t answer for a while. She saw her pursing her lips, likely in thought. “Will you actually come,” she finally asked.

“Yes.”

“Will you tell us everything?”

Max groaned again, her hands coming to her head to push on it.

“Max?”

She looked at Steph. The girl had a neutral expression but she thought there was a bit of a frown on the corners of her mouth.

“Do the words ‘all those moments between us were real, and they’ll always be ours’ mean anything to you?”

With a gasp, Max sat up. Coldness flooded her and she wrapped her arms around herself. Breathing became difficult, like something was tightening in her chest. “Yes.”

Steph stood at her answer. “Well, someone got the wrong end of the deal because it looks like you have all the moments. And she? She only has confusion.”

The girl walked to her door and opened it. Max’s eyes widened as she saw her camera bag in Steph’s hand. Pausing in the doorway, Steph looked at her. “I want to trust you, Max, but something tells me you need help keeping your decision. Beth…Chloe has been a mess ever since you and I came in contact. I don’t like it. Keep our dinner appointment please, Max, please help us make sense of this.”

The door shut behind her and Max heard her tromping down the stairs.

Max sat on the futon staring at nothing. It was all she could do to sit there and not fall to pieces. It was happening. Again. And already she was causing Chloe pain. And what followed the pain? Tragedy.

“I can’t do this again,” she said to no one.

* * *

Steph shut the door to their apartment hard behind her. Setting the camera bag beside the door, she went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge. Slumping into a chair, she popped the top of the beer and took a drink.

Moments later, Beth came from the back. She paused at the entrance to the room looking at Steph. “You seem pissed,” she said.

“Thanks Captain Obvious.”

“Sorry.”

Closing her eyes, Steph forced calm into her voice. “I’m sorry, Beth. Things with Max went…weird.”

She heard Beth sit in the other chair. “Really? I had hoped after I saw her today she’d be different.”

Steph shook her head. “If anything, she seemed…sadder, almost resigned.”

She took another swig of the beer. “She’s still coming over tomorrow, or so she says, but she wouldn’t give me any answers. It was really hard getting her to say any thing. For a moment I thought she was going to have a fit.”

Beth whistled. “Because of what happened Tuesday?”

“No, because I saw a tattoo she has and asked about it.”

“What was the tattoo?”

Steph shifted in her chair to get more comfortable. “There was a heart, with a blue butterfly superimposed on it. Nothing remarkable, though the butterfly was very good. Underneath, you’ll never guess what she had written!”

“No, I won’t, so just tell me.”

“Chloe Price.”

Beth looked at her, mouth gaping. “That’s how I felt when I saw it,” Steph said. Taking another drink, she wiped her mouth and leaned forward. “That’s when she got kind of dramatic. I asked her if the words ‘all those moments between us were real, and they’ll always be ours’ meant anything to her.”

“What.the.fuck. You told her about my dream?”

“No, Beth. I didn’t tell her about your dream. I just used those words. Listen, if there’s really a connection between your dreams and her, I figured she’d know. And she did.”

“What do you mean, she did?”

Finishing her beer, Steph set the bottle on the floor. “She said yes. I told her something is going on, and it’s messing up my friend. She confirmed again she’d be here tomorrow night. Then I left.”

Beth stood. “Do you think she’ll come?”

“Yes, because I took her camera bag with me.”

“Damn girl. Glad to see your spunk is still with you.”

“Thanks. I hope she comes.”

* * *

Sleep was a tortuous experience for Max. Her sleeping mind would slip into dream memories of she and Chloe. Each time she’d wake up, gasping for air. Her emotions were stretched and smashed by the memories. When her alarm went off, she still hadn’t had more than a few minutes peace.

Dragging herself from bed, she did her morning routine and left for work. The day seemed endless to her sleepy mind. It was a good thing the cafe was slow because she couldn’t maintain her regular pace.

During her lunch break she took herself into a quiet place. She needed to do something for herself for once. After practicing her breathing exercises to calm down, she got out her phone. Composing a long message, she sent it, then went to see her manager. Minutes later she had a fresh loaf of rye bread set aside for later.

When the final customer left, and the manager locked the door, Max sagged against the wall in relief. All day her mind had wrestled with the current situation and her decision. Her mind was telling her another reset was warranted. Her heart begged for more time. It relished the little moment she’d had with Chloe yesterday.

Returning home to change she mulled the decision more, to ensure her tired mind hadn’t missed anything. Satisfied, she slipped the loaf into a bag and walked out the front door.

Closing the door, she locked it and pocketed the key. Her fingers trailed the painted wood of the hand rail as she trudged down the stairs.

Before she knew it, she was standing before Chloe’s door. Noise came from the apartment next door, shouting and banging. Their apartment was quiet. Summoning her strength, she knocked.

The door swung upon and Chloe at looked her, blue eyes blazing in the late light of day. For a moment Max froze, and then her courage and sense of self abandoned her. “I…I,” she said, reaching for words that disappeared. “I can’t do this.”

Shoulders slumped, Max turned and began to hurry down the stairs.

“Max! Wait!”

Chloe’s voice was the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard and it froze her. A hand fell on her shoulder.

* * *

“Shh,” Max whispered, “you’re supposed to be dead!"

On the floor, Chloe lay, a knife through her heart. Well, a play knife through a slit Chloe had made in her shirt. Blood, in the form of ketchup, covered the wound and streamed down her shirt. The problem was Chloe kept giggling.

“It tickles,” she says, “and it’s cold. Blech.”

“Hsst, your mom is coming!”

Max slipped her arm under Chloe’s head. When she heard a footstep behind her, she cried, “Oy Captain Blue! Yer crew needs you! You cannuh die!”

“Chloe Elizabeth Price! Maxine Caulfield!”

Warmth crept up Max’s neck to her face as Joyce used her full name.

“What have you girls done now!”

“She…she’s dead,” Max said, turning her sad eyes on Mrs. Price. Joyce stood in the kitchen entry shaking her head.

“You two,” Joyce said. “Get up right now and clean up this mess!”

“Ah, mom,” Chloe complained, “I’m supposed to be dead.”

“You seem fit to me, young lady. Now get up…did you put a hole in your shirt? We just got you that shirt. You’re in big trouble young lady!”

* * *

The scene faded into the dimly lit parking lot. The hand on Max’s shoulder snatched away as if burned. “What…what was that,” she heard Chloe’s voice behind her.

Lowering her head, Max said, “A memory.”

“What do you mean, a memory!”

Screwing her eyes shut, Max breathed in and out several times. A tremble held her in its grasp and it took several moments before she could bear to turn and look at Chloe.

Those blue eyes drew her in, trapping her in their glittering gaze.“It’s…” she tried to say something, to explain, but as usual words fled. “Let’s go back to your apartment,” she finally said.

Nodding, Chloe turned and retraced her steps into the apartment, holding the door open for her. Once inside, Max made her way to the futon, sinking onto it like her hopes and dreams crashing into the rocks of reality.

Chloe closed the door then sat opposite her. They sat in silence a while. Max kept flicking her eyes at her, never long enough to be caught by the other girl. “Steph will be here soon,” Chloe said. “Are you hungry or thirsty?”

“Some water would be fine.”

Max kept her eyes focused on her hands the entire time. She couldn’t look at her again. It was a mistake coming tonight, she knew now. No matter how much she longed to be in Chloe’s presence, she was broken enough and being here was worsening it.

A glass of water was held out to her. Taking it, Max sipped some then set the water on the side table.

“So…you’re from Arcadia Bay too?” Chloe’s voice was shaky and low.

“Yeah.”

“Did you bring something for the sandwiches?”

Max nodded.

Chloe opened her mouth to ask something else when the door opened and in stepped Steph. “Oh,” she gasped, “Max! I’m glad you came!”

Max relaxed a fraction, letting herself lean back against the futon. “Hi,” she said, her voice weak.

“I hope you haven’t started anything without me,” Steph said enthusiastically as she shed her coat. Hanging it on the back of a chair, she dropped onto the futon next to Chloe.

“No,” Max said her eyes returning to her hands. “We waited for you.”

Again silence descended. “Now what,” Steph finally asked after quite a while.

Sighing, Max lifted her eyes to look at the girls opposite her. “I had this planned out…” Her voice trailed into silence. Taking a few breaths she tried again. “I really appreciate you…trying to be friends with me. Friendships don’t seem to work out for me.”

Her hands were clenching each other so tight her fingers were hurting.Forcing them to relax she placed them on her legs, where they immediately began gripping her jeans.

“There are some things I’m going to tell you tonight that will seem unbelievable, but I assure you they are true. I’ll even show you.” Max looked at Chloe now, although she didn’t meet the other girl’s eyes.

“Beth…I’m guessing that’s from your middle name, Elizabeth?”

Chloe looked at Steph, then back at her before saying, “Yes, it’s from my middle name.”

Max smiled a little at that. “I can’t picture you as a Beth. To me you will always be Chloe.” She rubbed her hands up and down on her legs to stop their worrying. It lasted for a few seconds.

“There are some questions I have…they will likely surprise you. Please, I will explain everything tonight. I just…I just need to know some things.”

The girls looked at each other again. Max wondered what unspoken communication was happening in those glances. They knew each other very well, that was obvious to her.

“Sure,” Steph said, “we’ll answer them the best we can.”

Nodding once more, Max said, “How are Joyce and William?”

Chloe’s eyebrows raised, but otherwise she betrayed no other expression. “I guess if you know my name,” she said, “it shouldn’t be a surprise you know who my parents are. I’ll warn you though, Max, this is creepy. It’s like you’re stalking me or something.”

“I wish it was something that simple,” Max whispered.

Seeming to not hear her, Chloe said, “Both are doing well. Joyce is a manager at Two Whales Diner and William has a good job at Pan Estates.”

“Are they…are they happy?”

“Yeah, they’re pretty happy.”

“Did you ever make it to Paris?”

“Shit! How do you know this?”

Max flinched, then drew her knees up to her chin. The tremble was returning. She wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her forehead on her knees. The futon jostled next to Max, causing her to look over. Steph was sitting next to her. Max bit back a sob. Why wasn’t Chloe next to her?

Steph placed her hand on Max’s shoulder. She wanted to shrink back, to pull away from the girl. But she forced herself to stay. It had been a long time since anyone had comforted her. Here was the result of the choice she had made so many lifetimes ago. Now she had to accept it. It was too late to change it.

It’s never too late.

Looking again at Chloe, Max said, “Please? Did you make it to Paris?”

“Yeah…my parents took me there for my sixteenth birthday. We went to the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, and other places. We were there a week.”

Chloe lit up as she talked about the trip, a smile spreading across her face. Max smiled through her sadness at seeing the joy on her.

“Tell me about the trip, please?”

After looking at Steph, then Max, Chloe launched into a retelling of the week long trip.

Max rested her chin on her knees, lost in Chloe’s telling of the trip. A private smile touched her mouth. The joy of the Paris trip was evident in the way Chloe came alive at the telling. Her arms were animated, gesturing this way and that. Her face lit up as she talked about the art she saw and the other experiences.

Max lost herself in the story, shutting out everything and everyone. There was only Chloe. Her eyes never strayed from her as she talked about the trip. A warmth infused Max as she considered how good it was to be in a reality where that trip had happened. All the things the Price’s experienced on that trip would be lifelong memories.

It was many minutes before Max finally noticed Chloe’s story had stopped. Her mind had been so focused on the evident joy Chloe had on the trip that she had blocked out everything else.

“Thank you,” she finally said after shaking her head a little. “One more question: how is Rachel Amber?”

Again, Chloe and Steph looked at each other.

“She’s probably doing fine,” Steph said, a little coldness in her voice.

Max looked at Steph, surprised that she was answering. She had expected Chloe to give an answer.

“She’s in Los Angeles pursuing a modelling and acting career.”

Max looked between the two girls several times. Did she correctly detect the coldness in Steph’s voice? Looking one more time at Steph she asked the question forming in her mind. “Were the two of you close, Steph?”

Steph drew away from Max at the question, her hand going to her lap. It was enough for Max to realize. “I’m sorry, Steph,” Max said, “I didn’t mean to bring up painful memories. You don’t have to answer that question.”

“What about you though,” Chloe said, “you’ve been an emotional wreck all night.” Her voice was warm and her words spoken carefully.

Max returned her gaze to her knees. “I’m,” she started to say but couldn’t continue. After several moments she shook her head and said, “it doesn’t matter. You deserve answers, and I’m here to provide them.”

“What!” Chloe’s sharp word brought up Max’s eyes. There was no mistaking the look of concern on her face. “Why do your emotions not matter?”

“I’d like to know that also,” Steph softly said.

Shutting her eyes to keep everything inside, Max said, “It’s not something I can easily answer. It might make more sense after I explain everything.”

The silence that greeted her words was sharper and louder than Chloe’s earlier exclamation. Max needed something to get her mind off the turn of the conversation before it wore down her armor.

“If it’s ok with you, I’d like to make dinner now.”

A touch to her shoulder brought her eyes open and looking at Steph. “We’ll make dinner,” she said.

“Uh,” Chloe said, “I’d kind of invited Max over to make sandwiches for us.”

“Sandwiches?” Steph looked very confused.

“Uh…I kind of forgot to tell you that part,” Chloe said. Max noticed she didn’t look at her friend as she said that. “I invited her over to make sandwiches.”

“Sandwiches?”

“Sandwiches.”

“Fuck that. She’s our guest, you rolled a one with that. We’re making tacos.”

Sighing, Chloe said, “Ok, tacos.”

“Um, I brought rye bread for the sandwiches,” Max said. She hefted the bag which contained the loaf.

Steph looked at the bag, then at Max. “Thanks,” she said with a smile, “but one bad habit I got from my parents is I don’t invite people over to cook. If you want to make us sandwiches, you need to invite us to your place.”

Max slowly lowered the bag while Steph got up from the couch. “Come and help me, Beth.” The girls disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Max alone in the front room.

A small part of Max was urging her to leave. She could avoid telling them and do the reset. After all, the reset would wipe it all out anyway. She resolutely put that thought out of her mind. She’d never treated Chloe that way and she never would. No matter how much it tore apart her heart, she’d tell Chloe everything. Then the reset.

* * *

In the kitchen Steph busied herself getting the supplies from the fridge. Beth retrieved some pans from the drawer under the oven, placing them on the range.

“Did you see how she was looking at you while you talked about your Paris trip,” Steph said as she washed the vegetables for the salsa.

Getting out some spices, Beth placed them on the counter behind the package of meat. “No. Honestly, I was remembering how much fun my parents and I had on the trip.” She picked up the package of ground beef. Sliding a knife through the plastic, she cut it lengthwise, then dumped the meat into a pan.

Steph placed a hand on Beth’s arm, pausing her. “She wasn’t looking at a stranger, Beth. She was looking at someone that means something to her.”

Beth considered those words, comparing them to the strange feelings and urges she’d felt yesterday. And tonight if she was being honest. Turning from Steph, she placed the empty package in the trash.

“How do you think she knows those things,” Steph said as she began slicing the tomato.

“I can hear you, you know,” Max said from the kitchen entrance.

Steph gulped and narrowly avoided cutting herself. With warm cheeks, she glanced at Beth then at Max. “Sorry, Max,” Steph said lamely.

“It’s ok,” Max said, leaning against the entry. “I kind of expected it, because I’m asking about things I shouldn’t know.” Her eyes stayed on Beth slowly breaking up the ground beef in the pan. A smile slowly spread across her face, her head tilted against the wall.

Steph looked at Max. The girl had that same look on her face as earlier when she looked at Beth. She shook her head and focused on the tomatoes.

* * *

“Careful, Max!” Chloe looked at her young friend scooping flour into a bowl. The flour landed in the bowl, on the counter, and on Max. It only added to the white dust on her arms. They’d had a little flour war just moments ago and the white stuff was all over Max, thoroughly dusting her hair.

Putting the scoop back into the jar, Max closed it and set it on the counter. Picking up the wire whisk, she began stirring the bowl’s contents turning them into a goopy mess.

Chloe turned her attention to the griddle. It was almost the right temperature for the pancakes. She glanced at the microwave clock. Joyce had the early shift at the diner and the girls had decided to make breakfast for themselves and William.

Max gave one last stir, then held up the whisk. The batter was at just the right consistency and lumpiness. “All ready for you, Captain Blue,” she said.

“Hand ‘er over then, Max Silver,” Chloe said holding out her hands. Max passed the bowl to her then went to wipe her hands on the shirt. Thinking better of it, she held them out for her inspection. Her eyes traveled from her fingers to the counter, floor, and stove. They had made a tremendous mess.

“Look, I’m making this one with ears,” Chloe said.

In little time at all, Chloe had a nice stack of pancakes ready for eating. She placed the last one on a plate in the warm oven. Next was the eggs. She looked at the bowl. A little bit of batter was left. Max wasn’t paying attention.

A mischievous grin lit up Chloe’s face as she scooped up the batter. “Hey Max,” She called. The girl turned her head and Chloe launched the batter.

A shrill shriek split the air as the batter splattered all over Max’s face. Max scooped some of the batter off her face and flung it at her. Some of it went into Chloe’s mouth, mid-laugh. Within moments batter and flour was flying through the air.

* * *

The smell of browning meat pulled Beth from the vision. Blinking, she shook her head and began stirring the meat before it could burn. She shot a glance at Max and almost froze as she saw the way the girl was looking at her.

She’d never had anyone look at her the way Max was. She’d seen Rachel and Steph give each other similar looks when they were in the middle of their relationship. Those paled compared to what she saw on Max’s face.

Her ears and cheeks warmed as she focused her eyes on stirring the meat.

“You saw it too, didn’t you?”

Beth jumped with a yelp as Max’s question whispered into her ear. “Damn it SpiderMax, don’t sneak up on me like that!”

The words, though playfully said transformed Max. That loving look on her face twisted into one of pain and she shrank away from her. “Uh, I’m sorry,” Beth said as she stirred, “I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. I was surprised is all.” Max left the kitchen before she could finish speaking.

“Wow,” Steph whispered having witnessed the entire exchange. “What was it you saw?” Beth didn’t answer her.

While Beth focused on the meat, Steph finished making the Pico de Gallo, then moved on to warming the tortillas. Not too many minutes later, dinner was ready. Several times Steph tried to engage Beth in jokes or conversation. Her only responses were in grunts or single word replies.

Getting out their mismatched plates, Steph called Max back into the kitchen. Beth looked at Max with lowered eyelids, keeping well away from the girl.

Carrying their taco-filled plates and drinks to the front room, they returned to their seats. Steph immediately dove into her food, while both Beth and Max just picked at theirs.

After her third bite and not really feeling hungry, Max set her plate on the side table. “The tacos are good,” She said half-heartedly. “I’m just not feeling hungry right now.”

She clasped her hands together then leaned forward until her forehead was pressed against them. “You deserve answers,” she said from that position. “Why you’re seeing visions, and having strange dreams. Why I’m fucking up your relationship.” Her voice hitched at that.

Steph choked on her taco while Chloe said something rude. Coughing, little bits of tortilla and ground beef flying out, Steph raggedly said, “Excuse me? Relationship? We’re friends, not girlfriends.”

Max didn’t move, staying in the hunched over position. “It…doesn’t matter,” she said, although it did. Lifting her head finally, she peered at the girls opposite her. “The truth is…I’m a time traveler.”

Chloe opened her mouth but Max held up her hand. “I know,” Max said, “I’ve heard all the doubts and questions before. The easiest way is to show you.” She reached between moments, slipping between time itself, rose and walked through the stillness to the other side of the room.

“I can freeze time and move around,” she said after she stepped back into regular time. Steph shouted in surprise and Chloe dropped her plate. Max slipped between moments again.

Placing her hands around the plate in the middle of space and time, she knelt and returned to the moment. The plate jostled in her hands and Chloe’s eyes widened so much it looked like her eyes would roll out of her head. Setting the plate gently on her lap, Max backed away.

“Freezing time isn’t all I can do,” she said. “I can also rewind time up to several minutes. There are ways, harder ways, for me to travel back further.”

She returned to her seat. Neither girl had said a single word, or eaten anything during her brief demonstration.

“The visions you’ve seen around me, and the dreams you have Chloe, those are my memories, my original memories. From the life you and I lived until…”

“Wait!” Steph scooted forward on her seat.

Max looked at her, not knowing what to expect. “Why is she seeing your memories?”

“The truth is…I don’t know. It always happens when we are too close together. Like too close in space, not…anyway, Chloe, before I could mess with time you and I were the best of friends. Those are the memories you are seeing.

“When I was thirteen I moved away from Arcadia-”

“Which thirteen, Max? I don’t remember you at all and I think I’d remember my best friend moving.”

Screwing her eyes tightly shut, Max breathed deep several times. Explaining to Chloe always broke her a little more. It always made those cracks run deeper, longer. “In the original timeline, before I got my curse.” Her eyes opened, shiny with tears. Looking at the girls she said, “Please…let me finish.”

Both girls nodded, so Max composed herself and resumed speaking. “I moved away from Arcadia, not long after William died in a car wreck.” There was a strangled sound from Chloe, but no other interruption. Max saw Steph reach out and grab Chloe’s hand.

“Your life went downhill and I…I didn’t keep up our friendship. When I returned five years later you were a different person. You needed a friend and I slipped back into that role, like I was never gone. That is when I got my power.”

She paused, looking at her hands. No matter how many times she told this story to Chloe it was never easy. “That’s not exactly right. I discovered my power when Nathan Prescott shot you in the girls bathroom at Blackwell, right in front of me. I rewound time and interrupted the shooting.

“Only something was set in motion, something I don’t understand. One week later an unusual storm threatened to wipe out Arcadia Bay. We figured it was from my messing with time and you proposed I go back and let you die.

“I refused to accept that choice and I refused to let innocent people in Arcadia Bay die. So I made a new option. I went back in time and removed myself from your existence.”

Her head was hanging now. She was tired, oh so tired from the emotional drain of this week and this night. “It’s not perfect because each time we get close to each other, my memories start…transferring to you. I don’t really understand that. Once that starts it’s inevitable we’ll meet…and then disaster strikes.”

“Disaster? Like what?”

“Storms. Earthquakes. Fires. Tsunami. Any natural disaster that’s appropriate for the area, I think. Each time it forces me to reset time so others won’t die.”

Max stopped talking, her head in her hands. Chloe and Steph looked at each other. “How many times have you reset time, Max,” Chloe asked.

“I stopped counting at twenty,” Max said.

“Whoa,” Steph said, her eyebrows climbing high at Max’s admission. “So you’ve been destroying your life over and over because…”

“Because I can’t let Chloe die, and I can’t let others die either.”

“Well screw the others,” Chloe said, “Did you even…discuss this with…me before you did it?”

Max shook her head. “I tried…I really tried. I rewound that week over and over and each time it was just those two choices and I couldn’t take it anymore!”

Chloe moved to sit next to Max. Hesitantly, her hand reached out and touched Max’s shoulder. “How many times did you replay that week?”

“I don’t know…it doesn’t matter.”

“Look at me, Max,” Chloe said. Reluctantly Max lifted her head, gazing at her blue eyes, the most beautiful eyes she’d ever seen. “It does matter, Max.”

“No, Chloe, it doesn’t. All that matters is that you are safe and no one has to die because of what I am.”

“And what are you?”

Max tore her eyes away from her. “An anomaly. A freak.”

“Is that what you tell yourself? Because you can manipulate time?”

Max didn’t say anything to that. “Listen,” she said, “I came over tonight because…” fuck, this was hard! “I came over to see you one last time.”

“One last time before what? What are you going to do?” Chloe’s hand tightened on her shoulder.

“I’m going to reset the timeline.”

“Fuck that,” Chloe exclaimed.

Moving to the futon as well, Steph said, “Why do you think you need to do that?”

“It’s happening already. Chloe’s getting my memories.”

“So. How long does it take for a disaster to happen after I start getting your memories?”

Max thought for a while. “I-I don’t actually know. This time it’s happening so fast. Normally it takes weeks or months to get this point.”

“What’s different now?”

“I don’t know.”

The room grew silent, each girl lost in her own thoughts. After a few minutes, Steph rose from the futon. “I’m thirsty. Anyone else want something to drink.” The other two declined, then Steph wandered into the kitchen.

Drawing her hand away from Max, Chloe let it fall into her lap. “Max,” she said quietly, “in all your timelines, do we always come together?”

Max nodded. It was a constant among the timelines.

“Why do we always come together?”

“I don’t know. There’s a lot about what’s happening that I don’t understand, Chloe.”

It was Chloe’s turn to nod. “There’s a lot about what you told me that I fucking don’t understand.”

Chloe leaned back against the futon. Her gaze never left Max. In as neutral a tone as she could muster she said, “Steph told me about a tattoo you have. May I see it?”

Max stiffened at the question. Finally she extended her left arm and pulled her sleeve back. Chloe gasped softly as the tattoo came into sight. “May I…may I touch it?”

“Yes.”

With one of her fingers, Chloe slowly traced the outlines of the heart and butterfly. “Earlier,” she said her voice soft and warm, “you said you removed yourself from my existence. What did you mean?”

Max’s eyes followed the slow movement of Chloe’s finger as she considered the question. A warmth infused her wrist, flowing up into her heart at the touch. She couldn’t suppress the shudder that went through her. It had been so long since Chloe had touched her like this.

A deep pain welled up, trying to choke off her words as she said, “I went through our timeline and made sure we never came into contact with each other before my parent’s moved us from Arcadia Bay. Whenever I could, I replaced our meetings with something good for you.”

“And what did you give yourself?”

Max turned her head quickly to prevent Chloe seeing the pain and tears her question brought to her face. “The knowledge that you were safe.”

The finger stopped moving and Max caught her breath. “You love me, don’t you?”

“Y-yes.” It took everything she had to get that single word out without breaking.

“Did I…love you too? I mean before all this happened?”

“I…don’t know. I’d like to think so.”

Chloe’s fingers started tracing again and Max gradually relaxed. There were so many conflicting emotions running through her, joy and pain and anger and sadness and hope, all jumbled up and confusing her.

“There’s something I want to say to you, Max, something I want you to really think about. Don’t reset the timeline. From what you said you’ve broken yourself over and over again to give me something, to give me happiness. It’s time someone fought that hard for you.”

At Chloe’s words, Max turned away pulling her arm with her. Those words burrowed deep inside her, touching something she’d buried deep. Another earth-shaking shudder ran through her as the words broke down her defenses and exposed her deepest feelings.

She barely noticed when Chloe gently wrapped her arms around her, pulling her into a deep hug. The tears finally broke loose as she realized she was cradled in Chloe’s grasp, something she’d wanted for too long.

  


Steph placed her glass in the sink and got a beer from the fridge. She was glad the others hadn’t wanted a drink. All evening she’d felt a weird tension growing between Max and Beth and she suspected the two girls needed some time alone. She didn’t understand what was going on, and she suspected Beth didn’t either, but she recognized when she was becoming the third wheel.

Leaning against the entryway, she silently watched the two girls on the futon. Max’s arm, the one with the tattoo, was lying on Beth’s lap and Beth was tracing the lines of the tattoo. That secret smile was back on Max’s face and it lit something warm inside Steph.

Tears sprang to Steph’s eyes as memories of Rachel and what they’d lost came to mind. Wiping them away with her sleeve, she decided the two needed more time alone. Turning, she wandered to her room and quietly shut the door.

  


Max’s arms went around Chloe as she rested her head against her chest. The tears had finally dried, though shudders continued to wrack her now and again. “Thank you,” she said, her voice shaking. “I’ve made a mess of your shirt.”

“Shirts can be washed,” Chloe said. “I mean what I said. Don’t reset the timeline. Let us help you fight this.”

“But other peo-”

“Fuck that. Seriously. I know that makes me sound cold and hateful, but you can’t carry this weight all by yourself. It’s a horrible decision for anyone to make.”

“But-“

“Listen. When something starts, we can face it then. Together.”

Craning her neck to peer up at Chloe, Max said, “Why? I mean, why care about me? We don’t even know each other, not really anyways.”

Chloe thought in silence a while, her eyes not touching Max’s. “That’s true. I’d be lying though if I said I felt nothing for you.” Her eyes finally fell on Max’s. “Ever since that first night we met I’ve had these…strange feelings. I don’t understand them.”

She paused again, her eyes searching Max’s face. “But I want to. And I want to know more about you. I’d be crazy to not learn more about the woman who sacrificed her life just so I could live.”

“I didn’t sacrifice my life.”

“Really? That’s not what I heard in your story. You gave up a friendship and everything that made you happy just so I and Arcadia Bay could live. That’s the most selfless act I’ve ever heard.”

Max lowered her head. Chloe’s words rang true even if she wanted to deny them.

“Will you let us help you? Let me help you?”

It took Max a long time to sort through the chaos inside her. There was what she wanted, and what she knew she should do. Heart and mind, split and at odds with each other. Let her heart win for once. “Yes. I won’t reset the timeline.”

After those words, Max snuggled into Chloe’s hold. For once she wanted to experience the closeness she’d longed for.

“Isn’t it a little early for me to be telling you two to get a room?”

Max stiffened in Chloe’s arms and looked up, her cheeks warming. Steph fell onto the futon, a broad smile on her face. “Ah, don’t worry. Beth had to put up with worse from me. Besides the two of you look cute.”

Chloe’s arms stayed around Max as she said, “We’ve talked about some pretty deep stuff tonight. What if we did something fun now, play some games or watch a movie?”

“I think I’d like to eat now,” Max said. The hollow in her stomach had become insistent after sharing all those details.

“Sounds good. I’m hungry now also.” Chloe loosened her arms allowing Max to slip off her lap. Max grabbed her plate from the side table, sitting up just as Chloe rejoined her, plate in hand.

While they ate Steph put on a comedy and moved to another chair. Max did her best to keep all her fears and negative thoughts out of her head. She was really enjoying herself and wanted to savor it.

The rest of the evening past too quickly for her. After eating they watched a movie, then Max had to go. She wanted to get an early start tomorrow to work on some photo shoots for their project.

Chloe acted a little strange about her bringing up work. Max guessed it was because she was kind of their employee, making their whole situation weird. She did promise to come over later in the day or evening, once she had her shoots completed.

Leaving was hard. Part of her really wanted to stay, to talk more with Chloe. She wanted to know who Chloe was now. Bidding the girls farewell, Max walked into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration for young Max and Chloe pretending Chloe is dead comes from the wonderful imagination and skill of https://twitter.com/CRangeaT with their picture https://twitter.com/CRangeaT/status/1081427703964659713


	8. Chapter 8

Max opened the door to her apartment, stepped inside, and flicked on the lights. Shutting the door, she leaned against it. Her apartment felt so small and empty after spending time with Chloe and Steph.

It was good to have something to look forward to besides work and more work. Knowing she would see Chloe tomorrow gave her a spark of hope. Holding onto that spark, and pushing aside the darkness her mind wanted to smother it with, Max put down her camera bag and got ready for bed.

Sunday dawned and Max woke bright and early. She stared up at the ceiling. Today she would see Chloe again. She lay under the covers a little longer, just letting her mind play with that hope. For the first time in a long while, she wanted to greet the day with a smile.

Pulling the covers off finally, she rose and set about her day. Shower, clean clothes, and a simple breakfast saw her out the door early. Today she wanted to get at least four more shoots, and schedule time at the lab for processing.

The morning went really well. Amazingly she was able to get two of the shoots she wanted. She found a school that roughly fit the description, and with it being Sunday, no one was around to make the shoot more difficult.

The thought crossed her mind again, that some of the shoots they wanted could be found around Arcadia Bay. She debated asking them about that. She was curious whether that was accidental or intentional.

As she was finishing her second shoot and gathering up her gear, her phone buzzed with a notification. Setting down a tripod, she pulled out her phone. A message from a number she didn’t recognize.

“1-555-503-7734: Hey Max. Beth (Chloe) here. I got yer numbr from Steph, hope you don’t mind. Instead of coming over here tonight, what say we hit the town and do smthing”

She looked at the message, the smile on her face deepening. Chloe had texted her! The first thing she did was add her number to her contacts as Chloe, with a picture of her tattoo for the picture.

“Max: are you asking me out on a date? :)”

She bit her lip as she sent the message. Did she read Chloe wrong last night? She said she wanted to know her more, but maybe that was just as a friend.

Before she could get too far with those thoughts, the response came in.

“Chloe: …uh, yes?”

Max forgot everything around her as her eyes fixated on those three letters. Forget the question mark. Forget the hesitation at the beginning. Chloe was asking her on a date!

“Max: what time? Where? Do you have something specific you want to do? :)”

With her heart in her throat she waited for a response. And waited. And waited. Finally a response came in.

“Chloe: 2 PM in Pioneer Square. A walking tour.”

“Chloe: you’re emoji-fu is weak padawan. 😜”

“Chloe: no emoji!”

A walking tour? That seems so un-Chloe. It was saved a little by the ‘no emoji’ at the end. Suddenly realizing she hadn’t replied, she hurriedly sent a response.

“Max: yes ma’am! 2 PM in Pioneer Square. See you there!”

After she sent the text she thought for a few more moments. With a cheeky smile she sent another reply.

“Max: 🤘”

“Chloe: that’s what I’m talking about sista!”

“Chloe: NO EMOJI!”

Max laughed and resumed packing her kit. Her desire to do the other two shoots had disappeared in light of Chloe’s plans. She was also starting to get a little nervous. When was the last time she’d been on a date? A knot formed in her stomach when she realized it was in her mid-teen years, in Seattle, in the original timeline.

“Calm yourself, Max. You can do this. Don’t think of it as a date. Think of it as hanging out with Chloe.” True words, which didn’t help with the anxiety settling in.

Getting home was a blur as she strove to keep the anxiety from getting the best of her. She was using every tool she knew: focusing on breathing, changing locations, thinking of something else, and more. None of them were working. Why did she have to ask if it was a date?

At home she put her stuff away and made a hurried lunch, which she ate standing. What-if scenarios kept going through her mind. Finally, she put down her plate, closed her eyes, and said, “Get a hold of yourself, Max. You’ve save countless lives and given people happier experiences. Walking around Portland with Chloe is simple.”

She focused her mind on people she knew whose lives were improved by the choices she made. It was clear Chloe had a better life, and Rachel too, considering she was alive. She could do this.

Finishing her lunch, she cleaned up, then looked herself over. Her wardrobe wasn’t much. What she was wearing would have to do. Besides it was a walking tour. Checking herself one more time, she grabbed a smaller bag to use as a purse, stuffed it with a camera, wallet and needed things, and walked out the door.

She arrived thirty minutes early. It wasn’t that long ago she’d been here taking those first pictures for Steph and Chloe. Now she was meeting Chloe here. Zipping up her hoodie, she found a place where she could watch the world go about its business.

Before she knew it, her camera was in her hand. Within moments she’d framed and taken a couple of pictures. Instinctively she slipped into the stillness between moments to take her pictures. It gave her pictures a certain magical aspect.

A brief rain shower went through, sending all the tourists scurrying for cover or digging out umbrellas. Everyone else, meanwhile, went about their business knowing the rain would stop in a few minutes. Which it did, but not before Max captured a few more pictures.

She was setting up another frame, preparing to slip into the stillness when a splash of blue caught the corner of her eye. Turning, she spied Chloe entering the square.

A dark blue beanie, just like Max remembered, was on her head, holding her short multi-colored locks together. A black jacket over a t-shirt and ripped blue jeans completed her ensemble. Watching her walk down the steps, with the light just right, Max slipped into the stillness and took her picture. Well she took several pictures, including a few closeups. Instead of using a lense, she walked through the stillness to take them.

Returning to her perch, she returned to regular time and watched Chloe. Hands in her jacket pockets, she descended the steps, strode into the middle of the area and looked around. Max called her name and waved.

A bright grin lit Chloe’s face as she heard and saw Max. Striding over to her, she looked up at Max. “Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” Max said as she slipped to the ground.

“So I figured, even though I’ve been in Portland for a few months, I’ve not actually explored it. Work and being a 'responsible' adult and all that stuff. Steph suggested a walking tour and I thought, why not!”

As she talked, Chloe kept her hands in her pockets. Her eyes kept flicking to Max and away. Her weight kept shifting from foot to foot. “She’s nervous also,” Max thought

“I think that’s a great idea,” Max said. “I’ve been adulting ever since coming here. Honestly, one thing I really love about the contract is I get to explore the city more.”

A frown shot across Chloe’s face as Max said that. “Could we not…talk about that contract today,” she said, “it makes me uncomfortable that…”

Looking at the way Chloe wouldn’t meet her eyes, Max pursed her lips. Letting them spread into a smile, she touched Chloe’s arm. “Help me understand why it makes you uncomfortable. Please?”

Chloe looked everywhere but at Max. After several moments she finally said, “It’s weird having you as a friend, maybe something more, but also be kind of my employee. I don’t want anything to come between us, especially that job.”

Max took Chloe’s hand in hers. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I want…no I need us to be honest with each other, to be comfortable with each other.”

Now Chloe looked at Max, a shy smile on her face. “I want that too.”

“It’s ok to feel uncomfortable with some topics. If we let that stop us from talking about them, then we won’t feel comfortable talking about harder things.”

“And you shared so many painful things with me last night…I also feel a little bad because-”

“Don’t put yourself down, Chloe. And don’t compare yourself with me, or anyone else. Let yourself feel uncomfortable and let me help you become comfortable with those things.”

Chloe’s smile had broadened while Max spoke and she reached out to take Max’s other hand in her own. “I can see why we were friends,” she said.

Max’s smile dimmed a little at her words. Before Chloe could say anything, she said, “Just memories is all. What’s important is right here and now. How about this: I want to be able to discuss my day, my work, my problems and happy moments with you. If it the topic is a client question, or complaint, we do it with Steph present and not on a date. Will that work?

Chloe looked at her a moment before saying, “I think so.”

“Ok, good. What would you like to talk about?”

“Well, I would like to know more about you, since it seems you know a lot about me.”

“I know a lot about the girl I grew up with. I know little about the woman standing with me.”

A little red rose in Chloe’s cheeks at her words. “Do you…did you really like pirates as a little kid?”

“I loved them! Always sailing the seas, having adventures, not being scared of anything. I wanted a life like that.”

“It seems like you have a life of adventure now, traveling through time and averting disaster.”

“Maybe, but it’s not the same. And…it’s a solo adventure, not as fun.”

As they spoke they began walking toward the start point of the walking tour, where a group was forming. They joined at the back of the group. The tour guide came and got their tickets from Chloe.

Moments later the guide was calling everyone’s attention to start the tour. Max and Chloe stopped their conversation to pay attention. The tour started with a brief history of Pioneer Square and its significance. Then they were moving.

The tour was rather simple. Walk a few feet, or blocks, point out landmarks and explain their significance. Sometimes odd facts and trivia was shared about the area while walking. Many of the facts were kind of interesting, in a boring sort of way.

About 45 minutes into the tour, Chloe nudged Max. “Hey,” she said, “how about I buy you a coffee?” She pointed to a local cafe close by. Smiling, Max nodded and they left the group.

Getting a coffee and baked good each, they seated themselves at one of the outside tables. “What do you do for fun,” Chloe said after her first sip.

“Fun? Watch movies mostly. Look for things to take pictures of. Play my guitar.”

“You play guitar? That’s cool! What songs do you know?”

“Ummm, probably not anything you know. You probably like fast-paced punk and similar music.”

“Maybe, or maybe I could just surprise you.”

“I know some songs by Syd Matters.”

“Who?”

Max snorted as she raised her coffee cup. “See! I knew you wouldn’t know,” she said in between sips.

“Would you play for me sometime?”

“Maybe.”

Chloe took a bite of her danish, getting some of its filling on her nose. Leaning forward, Max wiped it off with a napkin.

* * *

“Where should we build the fort,” Max asked as she looked around. They stood next to the light house. Max had their spyglass and was using it to scan the forest around town.

“Over there,” Chloe said, pointing to a dense cluster of trees not far from town. It was in the direction of Chloe’s house, maybe an easy fifteen minute walk from there. Max focused the spyglass on the spot. There were a few trees, maybe walnut, that looked good for holding a fort.

“Good choice,” she said and passed the lense to Chloe. “Now we just need to find a way to mark it on our map.”

“Hah, already thought of that Max Silver,” Chloe said as she studied the trees. Lowering the glass she reached into her back pocket and pulled out a colored marker. It wasn’t the kind they used to use with their coloring books. This was a thick, permanent marker.

Max’s eyes went wide. She looked at the paper map she had in her hands. Something inside her sank, which was her warning that Chloe was about to do something naughty. “Chloe,” she began, a hint of warning to her voice.

“The problem is we need something more permanent,” Chloe said with a big grin. “Something that will last longer than the paper.” Uncapping the marker, she stalked over to the town map not far away.

Before Max could say anything, Chloe drew something on the map. Running over, Max looked at it. A skull and crossbones marked where their fort would be. She looked around expecting a park official to leap from the trees and catch them.

“Relax, Max, we’re pirates, remember,” Chloe said in a laughing voice. “We make our own rules.”

* * *

Max drew away as the memory faded, her eyes going down to focus on her food. She blinked away a few tears, hoping Chloe didn’t see them.

“Did we actually build a fort there,” Chloe said. Not able to answer aloud, Max nodded.

Silence gathered around them. A brief rain shower muffled the sounds of everyday life. In the midst of it, Chloe reached across the table to get her attention. “When those…memories happen…do they hurt?”

Turning her head away, Max nodded and used the sleeve of her hoodie to wipe the tears away. “And you just…put up with it?”

Again Max nodded, not trusting her voice.

“Damn, you are one strong woman!”

Spinning back in surprise, Max found herself saying, “What? Why do you say that?”

“Because if I was hit with painful memories every time I was around a person I loved I’d go crazy.”

Wiping her face again, Max said, “What makes you think I’m sane?” She grinned a goofy, toothy grin as she said that.

“Touché,” Chloe said before taking another drink.

“What do you like to do for fun,” Max said, changing the topic. She finished her baked good, so delicious!

“Right now it’s mostly play video games. In college I loved going to shows, indie punk shows. They were a great stress relief in between studying. At least once a month we’d have a game session. That pretty much stopped with work and bills and all this adult stuff.”

“If Steph and I weren’t trying to get our own game going on the side, we’d have more time for doing those things.”

Finishing her coffee, Max stared into the empty depths of the mug before putting it down. “I think making your own video game is pretty cool. Why’d you and Steph decide to do it?”

“Well, it started when we realized there weren’t games that we could really connect with. I mean Mario and Samus and Lara Croft are great, but there’s something about them that doesn’t connect. Like, with Lara it’s that she was obviously designed to appeal to a specific demographic. Just look at all the games prior to the reboot.”

“We wanted a game…that told our story. Kind of a ‘for females, designed by females’ if you will. Not that we want to exclude guys from playing it, we just weren’t seeing the approach in the industry that met our needs. So, we decided to form our own company and do it.”

“With a bit of hard work, research, and planning, we were able to get some grants to fund its development. Those funds are strictly for us to use in purchasing equipment, and hiring people with skills we lack. That’s why we both have day jobs as well.”

It was so satisfying to hear Chloe gush about the project! A grin captured Max’s face and wouldn’t go away. She felt it in her soul.

“Max? Why are you crying?”

Was she? Her hands went to her cheeks, the tips coming away damp. “I…guess,” she slowly said, “I’m so happy to see you so happy!” Her voice choked at the end and she turned away again.

“Hey,” she heard before she felt a hand lightly land on her shoulder. Chloe was suddenly kneeling in front of her, looking up into her eyes. Chloe’s mouth worked a few times, trying to form words. “It’s ok to cry,” she said, “especially if they’re happy tears.”

That just made Max cry more. Seeing Chloe so accepting of emotion, instead of hiding it, was a bit jarring. “I’m sorry,” she was finally able to blurt, “This whole week has been hard, and to find you happy…it’s the only thing I’ve wanted for you.”

“Well, then I’m glad you found me,” Chloe said, “so you can see that all your sacrifice was worth it.”

Max smiled through her tears.

“Is there anything you’d like to talk about,” Chloe said as she returned to her seat. “You said this week has been hard. Was it all this stuff with the time line and resetting, or are there other things?”

“Just being with you is hard,” Max said, “I’m sorry for the way that sounds. You are both the girl I knew, and so much more. Like just now. You always hid emotions and worked hard to keep mine from showing. But just now…I never realized how much I really wanted…needed that from you.” She sniffed and wiped her face again with her sleeves. Her hoodie would need washed after tonight.

“Yes,” she continued with her watery voice filled with emotion. “Some has been being with you and not wanting to reset the time line. That’s on top of what’s been going on. Honestly, resetting the time line would really benefit me. But I’m not going to do it.” That last she said determinedly.

Chloe glanced at her phone, then back at her. “Would you rather go someplace else to talk?”

Max nodded. “Where do you want to go,” Chloe said as she placed her coffee mug on top of the plate her danish had been on.

Thinking about that while she copied Chloe with her dishes, Max said, “Chapman square is close, let’s go there.” Chloe nodded and they left the cafe.

It started out with Max in the lead, directing them back toward Pioneer Square. After a block or two, Chloe took Max’s arm in hers. They walked the rest of the way arm in arm. Max quickly leaned her head against Chloe’s shoulder as they walked.

Among the Ginkgo trees, they found a bench to use. Although still among the hustle and bustle of downtown, the trees, along with it being Sunday, reduced some of the sounds around the park.

They sat on the bench a while looking at the trees, although a few times from the corner of her eye Max spied Chloe looking at her. Each time little thrills went through her and her cheeks became warm.

At last, Max leaned back against the bench. She was close to Chloe, their arms touching as they sat. Crossing her legs, folding one over her clasped hands, Max said, “I lost my best paying job last Tuesday.”

Chloe said nothing for a few moments, then, “Damn. That…sucks.”

“Yeah.”

“Wait! So you lost your job and you still came to our house to play D&D?”

Max threw a sidelong glance at Chloe. “What was I supposed to do?”

“Go out with your friends? Talk to your parents? I don’t know.”

More silence came as Max debated what to say next. Feeling brave, she said, “I don’t have any friends. Steph was the first person in a very long time who seemed to want to be my friend. And my parents…I didn’t want to go to them unless there was no other choice.”

Chloe turned to face her as she spoke. One leg moved onto the bench in an angled position so she could rest her hands on her knee. In that pose she looked at Max a long time. “Damn,” she finally said, “why don’t you have any friends?”

Max ducked her head, letting her hair hide Chloe from her eyes. Between her legs her hands clenched tighter, painfully. “That’s always been hard for me. Even when…even before everything happened, you were my only real friend.”

Looking up at Chloe then, she sadly said, “And after everything, I tried making friends. But after resetting the timeline the second time I gave up. It was too painful.”

“I can’t even imagine what that must be like,” Chloe said. Her hand reached out lazily and brushed a lock of hair from Max’s eye. “How are things looking for work?”

Sighing, Max slouched a little. “Not good, although it’s only been a few days. I’ll have to…use the extra money I have to help pay bills and buy food. My original plan was to pay off some of my student loan debt and buy a drone. Losing my job changed all that.”

“How many jobs did you have?”

“Just two, not counting my freelance work. I still have my cafe job.” She blushed a little here as she remembered Chloe’s visit the other day. “The job I lost was working at a camera shop. At least my old boss, the owner, is letting me use the photo lab at the employee discount for the next six months!”

“That’s good,” Chloe said evenly. No words followed and they sat there a while, deep in their own thoughts. The day was trending toward night, the shadows under the tress starting to thicken. The air was also cooling, suggesting a cold night, and maybe tomorrow.

“Do you mind if I ask you something…about your ability,” Chloe said.

“No, I don’t mind.” Her hands hand finally unclenched and Max had them resting on her lap.

“How often do you use it?”

“I use my freeze ability the most. It helps me take pictures.” Chloe nodded at those words. “The regular rewind I rarely use. In the beginning it was the only thing I had until I figured out the rest. It was used a lot that week…” Max’s voice trailed into the darkness of memories.

“What do you mean ‘that week’?”

“I-I can’t talk about that now, I’m sorry.” A black pit opened inside Max as her memories surged into her mind’s eye.

Chloe’s eyes never left her as she squirmed under the memories. Max tried to smile to hide her real feelings, but only part of her mouth responded. Reaching out to place a hand on her shoulder, Chloe said, “It’s ok. We don’t have to talk about it right now.”

She paused and looked around them. “We’ve been talking very adult-like. What say we have some fun?”

“That…that would be good. What do you want to do?”

With a grin, Chloe said, “Tonight, let’s take it easy and see a movie.”

Max tilted her head to look at her. “Really, a movie? Chloe Elizabeth Price, that’s such a stereotypical date.”

Shrugging her shoulders Chloe said, “Maybe. Does that mean you don’t want to do it?”

With a little laugh, Max said, “Yes, I want to go to a movie with you. I’m about talked out anyway. Right now, I just want to be with you.”

Standing, Chloe held her hand out for Max to take. Max timidly placed her hand in Chloe’s, letting Chloe help her to her feet. As they walked toward the sidewalk, Chloe pulled out her phone to find the nearest theater.

Once located, they adjusted their route. “Let me show you something,” Max said as they walked. Pulling her camera out of her bag, she found one of the pictures she took of Chloe and showed it to her.

“Wow,” Chloe said, obvious enthusiasm in her voice. “Did you take that today at the square.”

“Yes,” Max said. She couldn’t hide the warmth in her voice. Chloe’s enthusiasm struck something deep inside, something very right.

“You used your ability to take this?” Chloe handed the camera back to her after the question.

“Yes. Would you like a copy of it?”

“Please.”

“I’ll text it to you once I transfer it off my camera.”

They soon arrived at the theater where Chloe bought them tickets. Max refused to let her pay for the snacks, getting a big bucket of popcorn to share and a couple of drinks.

The movie was mediocre. The theater itself had seats with movable armrests, letting them sit close to each other. Max took a chance and swung the armrest up to snuggle against Chloe. The girl didn’t push her away, instead putting her arm around her. She was glad for the darkness of the room because she could feel more tears rolling down her cheeks.

It ended all too soon and they found themselves out in the cold night air. Max shivered a little after the warmth of the theater. She needed a heavier jacket than her hoodie. Chloe drew her close, arm around her waist.

Max didn’t want this day to end. They stood outside the theatre, not talking, just looking into the parking lot. “May I…walk you home,” Chloe said after a time.

Max sighed and looked up at her. “Yes,” she said and pressed a little closer to her.

As they walked to the bus stop, Max said, “I hope I’m not being too fast or aggressive for you.”

“What do you mean?”

Max stopped, forcing Chloe to stop with her. Looking up at her, Max said, “It’s been a really long time since you and I even knew each other. The last…I don’t know dozen or more timelines, the moment you showed up I reset. I couldn’t bear the pain, not just my own, but yours as well.”

“I know it’s cliche,” she said, her voice beginning to break, “but today is the happiest I’ve been in a really long time. And I’m…” She looked away from Chloe, out into the darkness. That pit inside seemed to pull that darkness toward her, feeding on it.

“I’m scared. Scared I’m pushing myself on you. Scared that this is going to all fall apart.”

Fingers brushed her cheek, drawing her eyes, then her face back to Chloe. She couldn’t describe what she saw in Chloe’s eyes, what she saw in the angle of her face, her mouth. “I’m still here,” Chloe whispered, “and I still want to know more about you. You are the strongest person I know, with everything you’ve told me.”

Chloe’s fingers traced their way along her jaw, up into her hair. “You deserve a friend,” she continued, “you deserve a chance at happiness. You deserve a life that is your own. Whether I’m here just for a few steps, or for all of them, let me help you take them.”

The darkness inside Max eased at her words, at the touch of Chloe’s hand as it circled to cup the back of her head. A faint tug pulled her toward Chloe and she looked hopefully at her. Chloe pulled them tight together in a hug.

A twinge of disappointment shot through Max, but it died as the warmth of the hug washed through her. Max sagged a little against Chloe, her own arms going around the girl to hold tight.

The hug ended too soon for Max as Chloe slipped her arms from her. Hand in hand they walked to the bus stop. Once on the bus, they found seats in the back where Max snuggled into Chloe some more. She closed her eyes as an arm went around her. She wanted this to last forever.

The warmth next to her was lulling her to sleep. She remembered many a night as a child sleeping next to her friend. So many sleep overs and camp outs and they’d never imagined their future would turn out this way.

Leaving the bus behind they walked hand in hand to Max’s apartment. A little anxiety shot through Max as she slid the key into the lock. “My place is kind of small,” she said apologetically as she opened the door and turned on the light.

“Cozy,” Chloe said, “I bet it’s easy to keep clean.”

“It is,” Max said, hanging her purse from the doorknob after she closed the door.

They sat together on the futon, Max staring at her hands, Chloe casting her eyes everywhere to take in her apartment. “I always wondered what the lair of a hipster waif would look like,” Chloe said.

Shrugging her shoulders, Max said, “is it all you imagined?”

“It’s simple,” Chloe said, “uncomplicated…which doesn’t fit your life, but fits you.” She looked at Max earnestly, “I mean that in a good way.”

Max nodded, her hands between her legs. What now?

“Can I…ask you a question,” Max said, her voice jittery with nerves.

“We’ve been asking questions all night,” Chloe said.

Max squirmed a little with the obviousness of her statement. “The other night..Tuesday, when you were with your friends. You…it’s not a big deal, and I’m totally fine…it’s just that I’m wondering, and you don’t have to answer-”

Chloe laid her hand on Max’s as they writhed and wriggled together. “It’s ok,” she said, “you can ask me anything.”

“…you behaved differently. When you played that game you were swearing and dropping one-liners and puns like a boss. Today? You’re totally different. Why?”

Now it was Chloe’s turn to squirm. Her eyes drifted from Max’s, though her hand never left hers. Clearing her throat, Chloe said, “I…have a confession. I suck at dating.”

“What! Why?”

“Well…” Chloe reached up and scratched her head through her beanie. “If I’m being honest it’s because most of my dating happened while I was a horny teenager and only interested in one thing. But also, I didn’t really get anything out of those relationships, which meant they didn’t last very long. It’s been a few years since I’ve looked at someone as more than a friend.

“I guess…” Here eyes came back to capture Max with her blue gaze. “I wanted to show you the best of me.”

Moving one of her hands to place on top of Chloe’s, Max smiled warmly. That was not something she’d expected. “That’s…never happened before,” she finally said. “And it’s very touching. But honestly? I’d rather you be yourself. Bad puns and all.

“And besides, I don’t have much experience either. I haven’t dated anyone since before all this began.”

A nervous laugh came from Chloe. “Looks like we’re both a couple of bad dates then.”

Max smiled at Chloe’s attempt at a joke. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I think we were picked in time to be good dates.”

Chloe snorted. “Good one. So…what do you want to do?”

“Oh, you wanted a copy of that picture!” Rising, Max retrieved her laptop and dug her camera out of her purse. Signing in to her laptop, she connected the camera and began the transfer.

“I’m a little hungry. I could make us something to eat and we could watch something on Netflix? Or talk some more?”

“Sounds good. Do you mind if I use your restroom?”

Setting the computer and laptop to the side, Max said, “Not at all, it’s behind the curtain.”

“Oh good, this place does have indoor plumbing.”

“Hey!” Max stuck her tongue out at Chloe as they both rose from the futon. Chloe pushed her gently on the shoulder then disappeared behind the curtain.

As the door to the restroom closed, Max went into the kitchen. Looking in both her pantry and little refrigerator she realized she had enough stuff to make the sandwich Chloe had wanted. Putting all the needed items on the counter, she washed her hands and started preparing two sandwiches.

Chloe came from behind the curtain as she was layering meat on the bread. She was rubbing her hands on her jeans.

“Oh! Did I not have a towel in there?”

“Uh, yeah, I think I saw one,” Chloe said. “That is the smallest bathroom I’ve ever been in. Did you know you can wash your hands while seated on the throne?”

Max almost dropped the meat as Chloe’s question made her laugh. She tried and failed to prevent an image forming of what that would look like. “I like my little apartment,” Max pouted as she finished assembling the sandwiches.

“Oh, I like it too,” Chloe said, “it needs a little more personality though.”

“What does that mean,” Max said as she put everything away.

“You need more color in here, and something that says ‘Max Caulfield lives here!’ Your paper lanterns and Christmas lights are good, but too generic. There’s nothing here that says you.”

Wrapping the sandwiches in a napkin, Max walked back to the futon. Handing one to Chloe, she seated herself. “Steph said something similar when she was here. And what do you think would say me?”

“I don’t know yet. Give me some time to figure that out.”

Chloe took a bite of the sandwich. “Wuh the fuh!!”

Surprised, Max look at her, concern wrinkling her face. “What is it! Is the sandwich bad?”

Chloe was busy chewing, and not answering. Her eyes were closed and there was a peculiar look on her face. Swallowing the bite, she said, “I think I need to marry you just to keep your sandwich making skills to myself!”

Warmth infused Max’s face and ears at Chloe’s words. She knew the girl wasn’t being serious, but that statement really messed with her thoughts and feelings.

Chloe began inspecting each of the layers and ingredients in the sandwich. “This is amazing, Max! What did you do to make this sandwich so fucking good?”

Max shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. Before working at the cafe I only made simple sandwiches, like a PBJ.”

“This is your real super power, not time travel!” Chloe stopped talking and focused on eating her sandwich. For the next few minutes only moans and groans of delight came from her as she savored the meal.

Max smiled a little as she ate. Many a customer had gushed over her sandwiches, which she didn’t understand. It was just a sandwich. Chloe’s gushing was a world apart. She liked that.

Finishing her sandwich, Max rolled the napkin into a little ball and dropped in on her lap. “Do you still draw,” she asked.

Chloe choked on her last bite, having to cough into her hand to recover. “Drink please,” she gasped.

Leaping to her feet, Max stepped into the kitchen and filled a glass with water. Handing it to Chloe, she reseated herself.

“Ugh,” Chloe said after a large gulp of water. “I suppose I should get used to you knowing things about me that I haven’t told you.”

Max scuffed the toe of one shoe with the other. “Sorry,” she said. “It’s hard to keep track of what I’m not supposed to know.”

“To answer your question, yes, I still draw. With all my adult responsibilities and the game I don’t have near the amount of time I used to.”

Nodding in recognition of the lack of time, Max said, “I used to keep a journal. About halfway through college it fell off. I went from several times a day, to several times a week, to several times a month. Now, I don’t recall when I last wrote in it.”

She reached over to take Chloe’s napkin from her. Standing to take them to the trash, she said, “Where do you work?”

“Some company that offers pet-care as a service. They call themselves the ‘Uber of Pet Care.’ I’m a code monkey rewriting all their crappy founder code.”

Max nodded as if she understood all that stuff, as she dropped the napkins in the trash. “I liked it the other day when you came to see me at work. Do you think you would do it again?”

“Max, I would come visit you every day, if you worked every day.”

“Well, I only work a few days. Here, let me send you my schedule.” Reseating herself, she pulled out her phone, opened the work schedule app, and sent a screenshot of her schedule to Chloe. Putting her phone away, she checked the progress of the photo transfers.

The photo Chloe wanted was transferred, so she quickly sent it to her. Turning back to Chloe, she found the girl studying the wall opposite. Her Christmas lights, which were an homage to Chloe’s room from the original timeline, were the only decoration on the broad white expanse.

“I sent you that photo,” Max said. Chloe nodded absently.

“What are you thinking about?”

“What should go on that wall.”

“My landlady told me I can decorate however I want, as long as I return the apartment in the same condition and state I got it in.”

Chloe looked at her, face lit with glee. “Really! I’m getting ideas!”

“Chloe!” She drew out the name, much like she used to when they were small and Chloe got one of those ideas sure to lead to trouble. Chloe looked at her now much the same as then. Her mouth slid into a crooked smile, matching the tilt of her head, and a gleam shone in her eyes.

“Not tonight though,” Chloe said. “I need supplies.” She glanced at her phone and sighed. “And I should really get going.”

Sadness shot through Max at the words. For a moment she almost asked Chloe to stay, almost asked her to not go. Something held her back. Fear? Nervousness? Who knows. Instead she bowed her head and said, “Ok.”

A hand took one of hers in its own. She looked over to see Chloe smiling at her. “This is the best date I’ve ever been on,” Chloe said. Leaning over Chloe kissed her chastely on the lips. Max blinked and was highly tempted to rewind to enjoy it again.

Chloe drew away, but Max reached out to grab her shoulder. Leaning forward, Max returned the kiss. She wanted to remember this moment forever.

When they broke apart, Max smiled. “It was the best date for me too.” Together they rose from the couch and went to the door. After a few brief words and another chaste kiss, Chloe walked into the night.

Max sagged against the door. Why didn’t she ask Chloe to stay? She knew. She didn’t want to scare the girl. The apartment already seemed empty without her. A sense of loss permeated Max as she stood there.

At last with a heavy sigh, she pushed herself away from the door. It was time for bed. Nothing else captured her interest right now. Checking her laptop, she saw the transfer was done so she disconnected the camera and put it away, then set the laptop aside to sync everything to the cloud.

Straightening the living area and kitchen, she went into the bathroom to wash-up and brush her teeth. And got the surprise of her life. On the mirror Chloe had drawn a picture in blue marker. Their faces were looking at each other with smiles. Above them she wrote “Chloe + Max.” A little thrill went through Max as she looked at the picture. She would never wash this mirror again.


	9. Chapter 9

Monday came and with it work. The pleasantness of Sunday kept Max happy throughout the day. She’d find herself humming and smiling for no reason as she went about her tasks. It had been so long since life felt this right and she worked hard to keep such thoughts her focus.

True to her word, Chloe came in for lunch. She heard her ordering a sandwich and turned around to smile and wave at her. One of her coworkers made a joke about her being in love and she laughed and shrugged. They were right without knowing it.

After work she spent time on the game project, developing prints and planning where the next shoots should be. She knew soon she’d need to spend more time finding another job. At the same time she wanted to devote all her free time to the project, and Chloe.

As days past, paying off her student loan debt was no longer so important to her. Connecting with Chloe and trying to live a life were paramount now. She could find a job as she got closer to fulfilling the contract. Until then, losing her job at the camera shop, while painful, seemed more a blessing in disguise.

Her days settled into a rhythm. When she worked at the cafe, Chloe would come in for lunch. On her days off and after work she’d focus on the photo shoots. In the evenings and on weekends, she’d get together with Chloe, or both Chloe and Steph.

Two weeks after their first date, Max decided to do something a little different. With some help from Steph, she figured out where Chloe worked. On her next day off, she would bring lunch to Chloe.

The day came and Max woke with such eagerness that she was out of bed before Alt-J could sing the first verse. After her morning routine, she set her plan in motion. She made the sandwiches and packed them into a bag, along with a few snacks and drinks she knew Chloe liked. Putting on her nicest jeans, her favorite Jane Doe t-shirt, a warm hoodie, and a jacket, she grabbed the bag and set off for Chloe’s office.

The days were getting colder as they entered November. Snow could come any day now. She shuffled her feet to keep warm while she waited for the bus, hoping nothing would delay her.

Everything seemed to work in her favor and she arrived at the building where Chloe’s office was right on time. She entered the building, walked past the coffee shop, and took the elevator to the eighth floor. Exiting, she found herself in an open entry area. Across from the elevators was a long, low desk with a young woman, maybe a few years older than Max.

The lady watched Max approach with a “don’t bother me” look on her face. “Hi,” Max said cheerfully, “I’m Max Caulfield, here to see Beth Price.”

“Is she expecting you,” the lady asked. Her words were clipped and her tone sharp.

Broadening her smile, Max said, “No, she’s not expecting me. I wanted to surprise her with lunch.” She held up the bag, heavy with food.

The lady lazily eyed the bag, then returned her gaze to Max. “If you don’t have an appointment then I can’t let you in.”

Setting the bag on the desk, which caused the lady to stiffen, Max said, “Can’t you call her? Tell her her girlfriend’s here with lunch?”

The lady’s expression went from annoyed to cold. “I don’t care if you’re her mom. If you don’t have an appointment, then you don’t get in. You need to leave.”

The smile melted from Max’s face under the lady’s harsh words. There was no mistaking the cold hostility in her voice. She looked at the lady and then at the fact that there was no door beyond her, just an open hall.

“Ok, I guess I’ll have to make an appointment then-”

The lady interrupted her to say, “You’ll need to have your appointment made with a member of management.”

What.The.Fuck!

“Fine.” Max said, all warmth and joy gone from her voice. Picking up the bag she turned to face the elevators. The entry into the office area was behind her and to her left. Off to her right were restrooms. Smiling to herself, Max entered the women’s room.

Once the door was closed, she slipped into the stillness of time and left the restroom. For a brief moment she was tempted to do something naughty to the lady. Chloe definitely would, but Max couldn’t make herself do something like that.

Walking past the unhelpful office manager, she entered the office area and began her hunt for Chloe. It didn’t take her long. Her multi-colored hair stood out among the regular hair colors of the open concept area. That presented another problem. She didn’t know Chloe worked in an open area. She couldn’t just pop into the room suddenly, everyone would notice her sudden appearance.

Chloe sat frozen, the end of a pencil between her teeth as she stared at the widescreen monitor. One hand held the other end of the pencil, while the other was on a keyboard. She was hunched forward in a way that told Max she was deep in thought.

Turning, she surveyed the area. There must be some place she and Chloe could eat together. All around were long tables, short-walled cubicles, and glass windowed offices.

She went down a narrow hall toward the far end of the floor. Conference rooms and more open areas sprouted on either side of the hall. At the end though, she found what she was looking for, a row of empty offices.

Selecting the one furthest away, she knelt down and pulled all the supplies from the bag. Arranging them on the floor in a pleasing array, she folded the bag and put it to the side. She needed some paper.

Leaving the office she hunted through the others until she found some stiff paper and a black sharpie. She wrote “Lunch” surrounded by hearts and happy faces. Returning to the last office, she placed the paper among the food so it was visible from the door.

Going back to Chloe’s area she found a pad of post-its, wrote a brief message and stuck it on Chloe’s monitor. That done, she returned to the office, leaned against the wall behind the door, and returned to normal time.

Minutes passed and she began to wonder if Chloe would come. Her hands started worrying her jacket. A footstep sounded outside the office and she froze, not even drawing a breath. Chloe stepped past the door, her head turning from side to side but not seeing her.

“What’s going on,” she heard Chloe mutter.

Tip toeing up to her, she slipped her arms around Chloe’s waist and said, “Lunch is served!”

Chloe spun around in her arms, surprise writ on her face. “Max! What are…why?”

“My girl works long and hard at her job and I thought she needed a little happiness,” she said as she leaned up and placed a little kiss on the end of Chloe’s nose.

“Hell yeah, I need happiness,” Chloe said. There was the slightest tremble to her voice. “How the fuck did you get past Ms. Stick Up Her Ass?” Chloe’s arms had come around her, pulling them tight together.

“Oh, you know. I had the time, so I decided to use it to your advantage.”

Instead of a pun or one-liner in response, Chloe lowered her head and kissed her. Not a chaste kiss either like they’d shared the last few weeks, but the kind of kiss you should give your girlfriend. Max’s eyes flew wide, then closed as she melted into Chloe.

“Wowsers,” she breathed several minutes later when Chloe finally pulled away. “What brought that on? I mean, I’m not complaining, just…very pleasantly surprised.”

Chloe gazed at her, arms still around Max’s waist. There was no hint of letting her go. “Showing my appreciation for the chef, and for giving me the best present I’ve ever received.”

“What? A sandwich?”

“No, silly. Doing something nice for me, because you want to.”

Her words reached into Max and made her want to melt into Chloe again. She settled for a tight squeeze and saying, “You’re welcome.”

“Now then, I need to go tell my boss that I’m taking lunch,” Chloe said, her arms still around her. “He’ll notice if I’m gone for a while without tell him. I’ll be right back.”

But she didn’t move. She stayed there, her eyes locked on Max’s, their arms around each other. For a moment Max longed for the ability to bring Chloe into the stillness with her. That way they could spend a long time together, but it would just be a moment in real time. That wasn’t possible though. She’d tried before.

“Ok,” Max finally said, letting her arms slip from her girlfriend. She leaned her head on Chloe’s chest a moment, inhaling her scent. “I’ll get this ready for us while you go talk to him.”

Chloe kissed the top of her head. “Sounds good,” she said, but her arms stayed around. Max.

“Uh, unless you want me to go with you,” Max said, “you need to let me go.”

“I will never let you go,” Chloe said even as her arms slowly slid away.

Max watched her leave the office, then turned her attention to the food. Retrieving the bag, she laid it on the floor and placed Chloe’s food on it. While she did that she also moved the food closer to the wall. She thought they could put their backs against the wall while they ate.

Minutes later, Chloe returned with the largest smile on her face. “Guess what I got,” she sang as she entered the office.

“What?”

She put her hands on Max’s hips and drew her close. “I got permission for you to visit me whenever you want!” She slipped her fingers into a pocket and withdrew a thick plastic card.

Max took it from her and looked at it. On one side the words ‘family pass’ were printed.

“I told my boss I wanted to go have lunch with my girlfriend. He was very interested in that and started asking questions. Before I knew it, he gave me this so you could come visit me whenever.”

Putting the card in her pocket, Max smiled a big smile. “I can’t wait to use this with the office manager!”

Laughing, Chloe said, “If anything it will make her colder. She has such a power trip. But, it will definitely let you skate on by.”

Slapping Chloe lightly on the arm, Max said, “As long as she doesn’t try to make me slip. Now let’s eat!”

They sank to the floor, backs against the wall. Max handed Chloe her sandwich and drink then claimed her own. She knew once Chloe started on the sandwich, nothing could interrupt her. That was fine with Max, who preferred to watch her girlfriend enjoy the meal than talk during it.

As with every time Chloe ate one of her sandwiches, she savored each bite. Low moans and groans of delight seeped from her throughout the entire meal. Each sound warmed Max’s heart. Being appreciated for something, even something as mundane as making a sandwich, was very satisfying.

“I keep forgetting to ask,” Max said as she finished her sandwich. “Why Beth? I mean, I’m getting a little used to the name, but why change from Chloe?”

Chloe laughed, without sounding happy. “That’s a pretty dumb reason actually. I was mad at my Mom.” She fell silent, looking at the last few bites of sandwich remaining.

“Why were you mad at your mom?”

“I didn’t want to go to Blackwell. All my life I’d been in public school and saw the private schools as being filled with fake people. She wanted me to have more opportunities. I told her if she wanted me to be with a bunch of fake people, then I was no longer her daughter.”

That captured Max’s attention. She looked at Chloe, who was still studying her sandwich. Reaching across, Max gently touched Chloe’s hand. She looked up at her, eyes glistening. “Young and dumb,” she said. “I changed my name to Beth when I started Blackwell. Now I’m kind of stuck with it.”

Taking Chloe’s hand in hers, Max said, “Are things better between you now?”

“Yeah. It took a while. My dad helped a lot to keep the peace. If he hadn’t been around…I don’t know how that would have turned out.”

Ignoring the memories that wanted to crowd in, Max smiled. “Would you prefer I call you Beth?”

With wide eyes, Chloe said, “No! Please, use Chloe…I like that from you.”

Max squeezed her hand and smiled. “Chloe, forever.” She let go of her hand and began rearranging the items between them.

“Are you still coming over for the game this Saturday,” Chloe asked when she finished the sandwich. Max nodded in answer.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to bring something,” she said.

“Just bring yourself.”

Max knew this was a way the two girls were trying to help her out and she didn’t fight it. Their jobs were steady and paid well. Part of her didn’t like the fact that in a way she depended upon them a lot. Granted most of it was through the contract she had with them. Their kindness though went beyond that.

She knew she would find something to bring, probably a dessert. And she knew the girls would try to dissuade her when she showed up with it. They would end up eating it anyway.

“Tell me about your day,” Max said. She opened a small tub of chocolate pudding she’d made and began eating it. Not too bad.

Chloe was also eating the pudding, but that didn’t stop her from answering Max. Words like ‘refactoring’ and ‘unit test’ and ‘super globals’ buzzed all around her. Occasionally Max would interrupt to ask what one of those things meant. Chloe always did an excellent job in explaining in terms she could understand.

Apparently, the project Chloe was working on today had something to do with how customers signed into the service. She had proved herself so adept at making code better that her boss gave her a brand new project. Max smiled at Chloe proudly. “I’m so proud of you,” she said.

“Really,” Chloe said, licking pudding from the spoon. “Why?”

“Because you didn’t let your first few projects hold you back. Last week you told me how many times you felt unappreciated here because all you got were projects no one else wanted. Now your boss is trusting you with something completely new.”

She wiped the spoon with a napkin and slipped it into a plastic bag. “I know you will do an awesome job with this project and your boss will be very happy with you. That will set you up for better projects, and maybe a raise or promotion!”

Chloe looked at her several moments. “You really have that kind of confidence in me?”

Pausing her cleanup activity, Max looked at Chloe. “Yes. I do. You give me reason to. Look at what you’re doing and what you’ve accomplished so far. You are going to nail this project!”

* * *

Behind her, the lights and music in the school gymnasium promoted fun and excitement. They throbbed a fast beat, sparking laughter and cheers and other sounds from the kids inside. It wasn’t for her though. It never was.

Max stood outside, in the cool spring night. Her hands worried the belt of her dress as she stared into the nearby trees.

“Max?” Her head bowed as Chloe’s voice reached her.

“There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you.” Chloe placed a hand on her shoulder, peering over it at her. In the last year Chloe had shot up in height. No longer able to stand eye to eye, she now had to look up at her.

“I’ve been out here,” Max said, not looking at her friend.

“Why?”

She was tempted not to answer, focusing her eyes on the tangled mess her hands had made of the fabric belt. “Because it’s the same at every one of these school dances. Too many people. Loud music. I can’t dance. No one wants me.”

Chloe was silent a long time, causing Max to finally look up at her. What she saw made her take a quick breath. The way her friend looked at her, with the moonlight highlighting her blonde hair like a nimbus, was not with sadness or pity but with…warmth.

“I want you,” Chloe whispered. “Max? Will you dance with me?”

Shuffling her feet, Max looked down. A dark part of her whispered that Chloe was just trying to make her feel good, that she didn’t really want Max. But she knew Chloe wasn’t that way.

Instead of answering, she lifted her hands and brought her eyes up to Chloe’s. The moon glinted from them, causing the blue to sparkle like stars.

Chloe took her hands gently and they began to dance.

* * *

The memory slowly faded, leaving Max confused and feeling a little lost.

“When…when was that,” Chloe asked. Her voice was soft as if not wanting to break the fragile silence.

“That was the Junior High spring dance. I was in sixth grade, you were in seventh.”

Chloe shifted to be closer to her, to be able to see her face. “What makes that memory special to you?”

“That was,” Max said, but let her voice trail off. She sank back onto her heels, head down and staring at her hands. Much like she had done that night.

“That was the first time I looked at you as more than a friend. Being a kid, the feelings confused me. After that night, we began spending even more time together. I’d like to think that was when you…or the you from that timeline, began looking at me differently also. But I’ll never know that now.”

A hand slipped around her shoulder, and another placed itself on her waist. Without prompting or bidding, Chloe pulled her into a hug, much like the one she gave her several weeks ago. How long they stayed like that, Max didn’t know. All she knew was she needed that closeness and Chloe recognized that and gave it to her freely.

“Thank you,” Max said as she finally pulled herself from Chloe’s warmth. Wiping an eye with one hand, she said, “You better get back to work now, Chloe. I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Max,” Chloe said, her hand still on Max’s shoulder. Max looked up at her, losing herself for a moment in those blue eyes. “I think she began feeling differently for you also. I would have.”

A sad smile touched Max’s mouth. “Thank you,” she said. “Now, get back to work and slay that code project.”

Chloe leaned forward and kissed her, then stood and left the room. Max leaned forward, placing her head against the floor. Sharing these moments with Chloe was still so painful. Knowing she’d eventually have to undo it fucking hurt. For not the first time she wondered what the point of her power was. Certainly it couldn’t be for taking pictures.

Sitting up, she wiped her nose and eyes, then started putting all the stuff back in the bag. Standing, she checked her reflection in the office window before leaving. She looked presentable. Fingering the card in her pocket she decided to leave the normal way.

Winding her way back to the entry area, she waited before going past the desk. She wanted that lady to see her leave. Once she was sure the lady was looking in the right direction, Max lifted her head high and strode confidently into the entry.

“Hey! What were you doing back there! I’m calling security!”

Max turned to see the lady reaching for something. Pulling the card from her pocket, she flashed it at her. “Don’t bother,” Max said, “waste someone else’s time.”

Before the lady could do more than drop her mouth open in surprise, Max turned and left.

Well she wanted to leave but she had to wait for the elevator. As it made its way to her floor she heard the lady behind her stammering and spluttering. She was trying to get Max to tell her how she got a pass, and how she got in. Max just ignored her.

At last the elevator arrived, dinged twice, and opened its door. She stepped inside and pressed the lobby button. As the doors closed, Max looked at the lady. Her face was red, eyes narrowed, and her teeth gritted. Max waved at her with a smile as the door closed.


	10. Chapter 10

“Caulfield, wake up!” The pounding and shouting of her name snapped Max’s eyes open.

“Go away,” she grumbled. Her hands fumbled for her phone, holding it in front of her blearing eyes. “7 AM!” The pounding and shouting came again.

Swinging off her futon with a groan, she shuffled to the door. Who in the hell would come to her door at 7 AM on a Saturday morning?

She flung open the door to find Chloe standing there, bags in each hand. A blast of cold air come in with her causing Max to wrap her arms around herself and shiver. It had snowed a little overnight, just enough to leave a fine white dust everywhere.

“Close that door, sista,” Chloe said as she set down her bags. Max was only too happy to comply.

She turned around to find Chloe unbuttoning her jacket, eyes scanning her. “Cute pajamas,” Chloe said as she pulled off her coat. Max just grumbled and went back to her snuggly, soft blanket.

“Uh, uh, uh!” Chloe came over and hauled her to her feet. “Not today, girlfriend! I finally figured out what to put on your wall and I need you to get lost.”

“What? Why?” Max had pulled the blanket with her and wrapped it tight around herself. It was cold in her apartment as well. She went to the thermostat to change the temperature. Her apartment had baseboard heaters and would soon make her little nest cozy.

“Because you can’t see it until it’s done.” Chloe was pulling cans of different colored paint and brushes and tape and other things from the bags.

Sitting herself firmly on the corner of her futon, Max watched her a few minutes. Her mind still wasn’t all with it. “And when will that be?”

“Tomorrow, at the earliest.”

“Tomorrow!” That woke her up. “But where will I stay? I can’t go to a motel for the night? I don’t have-”

“Silly Max.” Chloe came over and knelt in front of her. Taking her hands, she said, “Don’t you remember? We have D&D tonight. You can stay over after that. We have plenty of room.”

Max turned her head away as her mind began reviewing the things she’d need to do and bring. “That’s true. You do have a couple of futons.”

“Or you can sleep in my bed.”

Chloe’s words were so soft, Max wasn’t sure she heard them right. The color in Chloe’s cheeks and her eyes focused on their hands told Max she did hear correctly. Her own cheeks warmed as those words sank in.

* * *

Max reached down to her camera lying next to the bed. It had been so long since she’d taken a picture of her and Chloe together and this was the perfect opportunity.

The sharp smell of chlorine hung in the air, tickling the eyes and nose. She tilted open the camera and lifted it to capture this perfect moment.

“Photo bomb!” Chloe’s words rang out as she rolled over and placed her head on Max’s shoulder.

A genuine smile spread across Max’s face as she pressed the button and the flash went off.

* * *

Max blinked away a tear.

“Damn,” Chloe breathed as her eyes focused on Max. “We’ve shared a bed before?”

“We were at each others house every weekend, and often during the week. We slept in the same bed since I was five until I was thirteen.” Those words came from her automatically, like she was reading from a script.

Peering into her eyes, Chloe said, “do you miss that?”

“It was one of those things that made us who we were,” Max said, turning her eyes away. Focusing her mind on what she needed to take to Chloe’s apartment helped keep her emotions in check. “We told jokes, we talked about the future, about us, about everything while we were supposed to be sleeping.”

Chloe nodded her head, eyes returning to their clasped hands. She raised their hands and kissed Max’s fingers. “Let’s rebuild that then. Sleep in my bed tonight and let’s bring that back for you.”

“I don’t want you to do the things she did, just because that was my past,” Max said as she returned her eyes to Chloe.

“Fair enough,” Chloe said, “but I want to do the things that bring you happiness, that help heal you.”

That brought a smile to Max’s face. “Ok.”

Now Chloe smiled and she leaned forward to place a chaste kiss on Max. “When you get to our apartment tonight, put your stuff in my room. Oh! That reminds me!” She rose and put her hand in her pocket, fishing around for a moment.

When she withdrew her hand a small piece of shiny metal lay in it. She held it out to Max. “I want you to have this.”

Max looked at what lay in Chloe’s hand: a key. So many emotions churned within her at sight of the key she was paralyzed. It was going too fast! She was pushing Chloe too fast!

“You’ll need it to get in tonight in case Steph isn’t home. I’m not asking you to move in with me,” Chloe said.

Max looked up at her. “Was it…that obvious?”

“That you’re scared? You both want to take it and don’t? Yes it’s obvious, at least to me.” Chloe knelt again, putting her face on the same level as Max’s. “But that’s how it should be, right? We’re supposed to know each other so well we can guess what the other is thinking.”

Except that normally took months or years, not two or three weeks. Slowly, Max reached out and took the key. She supposed she should give one to Chloe for her apartment. From a practical standpoint she needed to anyway. She didn’t want the apartment left unlocked over night.

Chloe returned to getting her supplies ready for her project. Max wrapped her hand around the key and stayed sitting awhile, thinking. At last she rose and started getting ready for the day.

Once she had the futon converted into a couch, she moved things around in the room to give Chloe plenty of space to work. That done she found her old satchel and put clothes and other things she’d need for staying the night, and tomorrow’s activities.

After that it was shower, clothes, and breakfast. She offered to make Chloe something to eat, but she declined, saying she got something on the way over. Max showed her how to work her little coffee maker and told her to make herself at home.

Leaving was hard. She wanted to stay and watch Chloe work on her project. Chloe would have none of that though. She wouldn’t even start until Max was gone. Reluctantly, she hunted down her spare key to the apartment, gave it to Chloe, and left.

* * *

“And with a sweep of her great axe, Callamastia knocks the head off the last goblin standing between you and the great Warlord.” Steph grinned at the girls opposite her. “The Warlord rises from his seat, throwing back his cloak as he stretches to his full seven feet in height.”

Max looked at Chloe then back to Steph, who was hiding a little behind the dungeon master screen. She’d forgotten how anxious RPGs made her. She got so wrapped up in her characters, she didn’t like it when they got hurt.

“With a mighty roar, the Warlord draws his sword and points it at Callamastia. ‘You think you can challenge the great Thud and st-’”

“Wait,” Chloe said, “the wardlord’s name is ‘Thud’?” Max giggled. It was a funny name, and Chloe looked very skeptically at Steph.

Ignoring her, Steph continued, “and stop me from conquering Avernon?’” She looks at each girl in turn. “What do you do?”

“I want to taunt him,” Chloe says, “because he’s got a stupid name. What do you think, Max?”

Looking down at her character sheet, Max scanned it for help. Steph had given her a Master Illusionist, and she didn’t know how to play that class very well. Already Chloe’d had to bail her character out of an ambush when she’d sent Illaria into a trap.

“Um,” she said aloud, “what do you recommend?”

Leaning over, Chloe said, “let me see.” Her finger ran down the list of Illaria’s spells and capabilities. “Ooh, this one looks good: deepest nightmare. You can make ‘Thud’”, she snickered at the name, “see whatever he fears the most. That could incapacitate him.”

She scanned further. “Fear, invisibility, and Phantom Blade are also good.”

All those options sounded good to Max. Now she had to pick one.

“How’d your project at Max’s place go today,” Steph asked as Max read the descriptions of the spells.

Shooting a glance at Max, Chloe said, “it’s fucking great. I was able to sketch the whole wall and start filling it in. I’ll be done tomorrow.”

“Good,” Steph said, her eyes dropping to the map in front of her. When she was sure Max wasn’t looking, she shot a particular look at Chloe. Her eyebrows raised and she tilted her head in Max’s direction.

Chloe shook her head, mouthing No. Steph furrowed her brow, but right then Max looked up and she hurriedly changed to a smile.

“After Chloe-I mean Callamastia taunts ‘Thud’, I…I mean Illaria will cast Fear on him.”

“Alright,” Steph said, looking at the girls. Her eyes narrowed just slightly as she looked at Chloe. “Do you have a taunt you want to use, Callamastia?”

A huge grin took over Chloe’s face. “Yes I do. ‘Do they call you Thud because that’s the sound your head will make when I hit it?’”

“Roll for success.”

Chloe grabbed the die, shook it, and rolled it into the box. They’d taken to using a box long ago because the dice kept sliding off tables and under things.

“You roll a sixteen,” Steph said consulting her charts. “Thud bellows in anger and looks ready to charge. ‘Your insult dishonors my mother who handed down her name to me, filthy elf!’ Ill-” But both Max and Chloe were laughing, interrupting her story.

“Seriously,” Chloe said, “his mother was named Thud?”

Steph wrinkled her brow as if she was irritated, but really she was pleased. She loved playing with Beth because she could inject this kind of humor into the game.

“What was his dad named, Thunk,” Max said as she laughed.

“Actually,” Steph said slowly, “His father was named Charles.” That just made the two laugh more.

When they finally calmed down, Steph continued, “Illaria, you need to roll a 16 or higher for Fear to work.”

Grabbing the die, Max sent it tumbling into the box. It rolled and spun and stopped: 8.

“Illaria begins to chant the words to drive fear into Thud’s heart, but chokes on a crumb from lunch. A coughing fit consumes her causing her spell to fizzle and die.”

Max made a pouty face and said, “Sorry, Callamastia!”

“Let’s do this,” Chloe says, rubbing her hands together.

“Hold on,” Steph said, “I need to refill my drink.” Grabbing her cup she stood. “Beth, it looks like you need a drink too. Why don’t you join me.”

Glaring at Steph, Chloe grabbed her cup and stood.

“Why do the two of you need to get a drink at the same time,” Max said. “If you need to speak without me around, just ask and I’ll go into the bathroom or something.”

“Sorry,” Steph mumbled, “yeah, there’s something I need to say to Beth. Do you mind?”

“No,” Max said and she rose from her seat with a smile. “I need to use the little girl’s room anyway.” She walked around the table and disappeared into the hall.

Once they heard the door close, the two girls reseated themselves. “Did you ask her yet,” Steph whispered.

“No,” Chloe said. She fiddled with her cup. “I was going to ask her this morning but she got really emotional about my giving her a key to the apartment. I thought if I asked her then…well, I don’t know.”

A frown creased Steph’s face at that. “Are you going to ask her?”

Pushing her beanie back, sending it tumbling to the floor, Chloe said, “yes, I am.”

“What’s holding you back?”

Chloe’s eyes shot over to Steph. They had been friends for many years. They had been through a lot of rough and happy times together. They trusted each other. “I’m scared she’ll say no.”

That made Steph nod. Her hand reached over to brush Chloe’s. “That might happen. We can deal with it if it does. Plans can be changed.”

Chloe smiled at her friend. She was about to say something else, but just then they heard the bathroom door open. Moments later Max appeared.

“Is it ok for me to be here? Do you need to talk some more,” she said as her hands worried the hem of her hoodie.

“It’s all good,” Steph said. She rose, gathering hers and Chloe’s cups. They did need drinks.

Max leaned down to pick up Chloe’s beanie, handing it to her. She retook her seat as Steph disappeared into the kitchen. Next to her, Chloe was fiddling with some of the dice.

“So uh, what are you doing for Thanksgiving,” Chloe said, her eyes focused on the dice.

“I don’t know,” Max said, “I haven’t given much thought to that.”

“Do you have any time off?”

Looking at Chloe, Max said, ”The cafe is closed that whole week because most of its customers aren’t there.”

“Cool,” Chloe said, becoming a bit more comfortable with the conversation. Steph came out at that point with filled cups. Handing Chloe’s to her, she seated herself and took a drink.

“Steph and I took a few days off and are going home for Thanksgiving. I was wondering if you’d care to come with us.”

Max froze. Did she hear Chloe right? Go home with her.

“Do you mean…go to Arcadia Bay with you?”

“Yes.”

The world seemed to close in on Max. She hadn’t been there since…well since she’d made her own choice. The void where pain and other emotions made their home within her roared to life as a screaming vortex. A hand covered hers, fingers curling gently around it. She realized Chloe was speaking to her.

“I need,” she said. What did she need? She knew neither of the girls understood what they asked. She needed air. She needed something to calm that darkness brought to life inside her.

Standing suddenly, she said, “Excuse me,” and went to the front door. Before she could open it Chloe was by her side.

“Don’t leave,” she heard Chloe say. But she didn’t bar her way. Without a word, she went onto the shared porch and leaned against the railing. Her eyes focused on nothing, looking into the night.

The coldness of the night shocked her from her stupor. A chill wind was blowing and her hoodie was not blocking it. Her hands clutched her arms, seeking to rub warmth into them. A moment later Chloe was beside her with a large blanket which she wrapped both of them in. The other girl didn’t say anything, just stood there in silence with her.

After a time, when the swirling inside Max had settled, she leaned back against her girlfriend. Chloe put her arms around her, further warming her with the contact.

* * *

Wind and rain thrashed the hill around them. Debris crashed against the lighthouse, sending splinters of rock flying everywhere. The cold storm pummeled them as they stood supporting each other.

“No, Max,” Chloe said, “you’re the only one who can.” The wind nearly ripped her words from the air. Max looked at her best friend. Emotions raged behind her eyes, stabbing into Chloe’s heart.

Almost as if something was making her say the words, Chloe said, “Max…it’s time.”

Max kept her gaze locked on Chloe several moments, before lowering her head and turning away. The chaos of the storm outside matched the storm of emotions inside her. How many times had she used her power to save Chloe, and now she was asking Max to let her die? Again.

Dark memories of time after time standing on this hill, sitting by her paralyzed form in bed, shrieking as a train bore down on them. Rewind after reset after rewind. How many times had this week played out? She had lost count.

Her heart was being crushed by a pain so heavy, so dire, no one should be asked to bear it. And yet she was. Why? She had hurled that question into the storm on more than one rewind, to no avail. She couldn’t do it again. She wasn’t…she wasn’t strong enough.

* * *

The cold night air nipped at Max’s cheeks as the memory faded. Arcadia Bay. The lighthouse. That fucking choice.

Chloe’s body had gone stiff and her arms tight during the replay of her memory. Max had hoped this time none of the dark ones surfaced. But they always did. They always came along and changed things. Hope was futile.

“That was the lighthouse in Arcadia Bay,” Chloe said. Fear and wonder tinged her voice.

“It was.” Simple words.

“I felt…That’s where this all began, isn’t it?”

Max only nodded. She had told Chloe that weeks ago, but there was something about seeing the reality of it that always drove it home.

“Will going to Arcadia Bay with me…break you?”

Will it? She’d avoided the town for years now. For as long as she’d ghosted Chloe, longer even. “I don’t know.”

“Forget I asked you to come.” Chloe’s words were rushed, fearful.

Finding Chloe’s hands under the blanket, Max wove her fingers through them. “No,” she said. “I want to be with you. To go with you.”

“Not if it’s going to break you! I couldn’t bear the thought of putting you through such pain.”

“Chloe…” How could she say this?

“My heart has been in constant pain for years now. These last three weeks doing things with you, being with you, has given me more joy than I deserve. I want to go with you, no I need to go with you. Because staying here without you…I think will do me more harm than going with you.”

Chloe didn’t say anything to that. She stood there, her arms hanging over Max’s shoulders, holding her. “You hurt…even though I’m bringing you joy?”

Max lowered her head. It was always a bittersweet message when she had to explain this. “Yes.” She turned to face Chloe, head tilted up to look into those amazing eyes.

“Take me there, please. I want to see Joyce and William and the beach and the lighthouse. I want to walk through the forest where we built our fort. I want to see all the places that brought you happiness.”

Chloe looked into her eyes. Her own eyes were swirling with worry and joy. “Ok. You deserve happiness too.”

Max snuggled against Chloe then, her arms wrapping around her waist. They stood that way a time before Max said, “I’ll need your help though. Being there…I’m going to make mistakes, know people I shouldn’t. Worse…I’ll likely have dark episodes, where I may not even want to see or talk to anyone.”

Her head turned up to look at Chloe. “Except for you. No matter how much I might say otherwise, I’ll always need you.”

Chloe stroked her hair. “I’ll be there, even if it’s just to hold you.”

“That’s the best thing you can do for me.”

More silence past while they held each other. “This wind is fucking cold on my feet,” Chloe said.

Max giggled. “Yes it is. We should go in and finish the game.”

Silently, Chloe opened the door and they went back inside. They found Steph on one of the futons playing a video game. “Ready to finish the session,” Chloe said as she closed the door.

The rest of the game went really well. Callamastia and Illaria both survived, with Illaria using Deepest Nightmare to drive Thud into impaling himself on Callamastia’s blade. The two were declared heroes and given a grand welcome on their return.

Real life was more mundane. After the session they put the game away, cleaned up their mess, then sat around watching a comedy. Max sat leaning back against Chloe on one futon, with Steph on the other futon.

There were still flecks of paint on Chloe’s hands and she kept picking at them. Max finally took Chloe’s hands in hers to prevent the girl from picking through the skin.

When the comedy show was over, Chloe slipped from under Max. “I’m gonna get things read for bed,” she said as she stretched. She left the room.

“Did you like the game tonight,” Steph said once Chloe was gone.

Pulling her attention from the TV, Max looked at her. “It was different from when I last played. Yes, I did like it.”

“Good,” Steph said with a smile. “I can count on you to join us for future gaming sessions then.”

It wasn’t a question, more a statement of certainty. Max pondered that a while. She was being brought into a group, forming friendships. Even though it was only a group of three, she, Chloe, and Steph, it was more than she’d had for a long time. It brought a smile to her face.

“Yes. You can count on me for future gaming sessions.”

Steph nodded, her eyes still fixed on the TV. They were binge watching a series on Netflix and the next episode had just started. “What are your plans for tomorrow?”

“It depends upon the weather. If the snow is gone I have some photo shoots planned, otherwise, I don’t know.”

Steph didn’t answer or acknowledge the statement. After a few minutes, Max stretched. “Well, I think I’m going to bed as well.” Was that a smile she detected on Steph as she said that?

Rising from the couch, she shuffled toward the hall. “Have fun tonight, Max! Remember to let Chloe get some sleep.”

Her face started burning at Steph’s teasing. There was no way she could reply to that and make sense!

At Chloe’s door she halted. It was closed and it felt strange going in there. Earlier she had quickly opened the door, dropped her bag, and closed it. She had no idea what Chloe’s room really looked like and she was really nervous to find out.

Knocking softly, she said, “Chloe? I’m coming in now to get ready for bed. Is…is that ok?”

“Come on in,” was the muffled response.

Cautiously, Max turned the knob and entered, and stood frozen. Chloe’s room was dark, lit only by tiny colored lights twinkling on the ceiling and a soft lamp in the corner. It was Chloe’s bed that captured her attention. Chloe had built a tent from pillows and by hanging blankets over a cord stretched across the room.

Chloe sat crosslegged at the entrance of the tent, in her pajamas and examining her phone. She glanced up with a smile. “I figured since I missed all the campouts as a kid, we could do at least one as adults.”

“Oh my god, Chloe! It’s so…it’s so…” She couldn’t get the words to come. They stayed in her mind taunting her. All she knew is the scene reached a happy place in her heart and lit it up.

“Does that mean you like it,” Chloe asked.

“I love it,” Max breathed.

“Then you better get ready for bed and come join me on this campout! I’m getting mighty lonely in here.”

Numb with happiness, Max grabbed her bag and stumbled to the bathroom. Several minutes later she exited, wearing her own pajamas and bag in hand. Steph was outside waiting. “She’s been planning this a while,” Steph whispered.

Max still couldn’t speak so she nodded and gave Steph what she hoped was a smile. When she tried to walk past her, Steph grabbed her wrist. “I’ve never seen her this happy, this focused on someone,” she whispered. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, thank you.”

For several seconds Max looked at Steph. It finally registered what she was saying. “I’m the one that should be thanking you,” she whispered in return. “If you had not been so persistent with me…all this may have turned out differently.”

Steph smiled and blushed a little at the praise. She let go of Max, gave her a wink and disappeared into her room. Max looked at the door a while, wondering what life had been like for Steph and Chloe these last few years. What had happened between the girl and Rachel?

Shaking herself free of those thoughts, she opened the door and walked into the indoor campout. Chloe had turned the lamp off, leaving the room lit only by the tiny lights on the ceiling. They pulsed softly with their colors, giving a reasonable impression of the night sky.

Setting her bag on the floor, she crawled onto the bed to sit next to Chloe. The other girl smiled at her and pulled out a tablet. In a few moments there was a campfire flickering on the screen. She placed it in front of their tent.

“I know it’s nothing like the same thing,” Chloe said. “But I wanted to be as faithful as possible.”

Giving in to an impulse, Max leaned over and kissed Chloe on the cheek. Eyes and teeth flashed in the dim light as Chloe looked at her. “Thank you for doing this,” Max said, “it was so completely unexpected and a wonderful surprise.”

“You’re welcome,” Chloe said, her eyes still fixed on her. “Maybe we can do this for real sometime.”

“That would be fun,” Max said, staring into the fake fire. She glanced up at the twinkling ceiling. “Wow, you even have a constellation…is that the Big Dipper?”

Chloe chuckled. “It took a while to get it right. The lights are arranged according to how the stars appear in the sky tonight.”

A chill swept up Max’s back and neck. What Chloe said told her just how much she cared about this experience. Max turned around and lay down with her face below the stars. Chloe soon joined her.

“Does your tablet or phone make forest sounds,” Max asked as her eyes traced across the stars. Some of them were colored like the planets she realized.

“One moment,” Chloe said. She turned over and Max saw a light flash. Moments later the faint sound of wind in the trees came to her ears. Occasionally an animal sound would intersperse with the wind.

Max took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her hand reached out to find Chloe’s and wove their fingers together. They stayed there some time with only the sound of crackling fire and the forest sounds for company.

When they began talking, it was Max who first broke the silence. She brought up topics they had discussed as children in another time, another life. It was like nothing had ever change, although everything had. Long into the night they talked like old friends and new lovers, drawing closer together.

Sleep finally made them stop. Max begged Chloe to leave the tent up so they could continue pretending until morning. Chloe was only too happy to oblige. They fell asleep in each others arms, snuggled under the softest blanket Chloe had.

* * *

Chloe’s eyes fluttered open. All around was darkness and the soft twinkling lights above. What had awakened her?

Next to her Max twitched, then kicked. She was murmuring something. Propping up on one elbow, Chloe peered over at her friend. It sounded like…was Max crying? Suddenly Max called her name, then dropped her voice to a murmur again.

She looked closely at Max. The girl was talking in her sleep. Her legs continued to twitch and move, her arms sometimes as well. It definitely sounded like she was crying. She must be having a bad dream.

Cautiously she raised her hand. She wasn’t sure if she should wake Max, or hold her, or what. Her hand touched Max’ shoulder.

* * *

Flames bloomed all around, casting hideous shadows throughout the street. Smoke overwhelmed all smells, stinging the eyes and nose. Everywhere was the noise of panic, sirens wailing, people shouting and crying, horns blaring. Max spun trying to get her bearings.

Terror was in the air, filling her with each breath. A powerful urge to run pressed against her. She couldn’t go though, she had to find Chloe!

Ash and more fell from the sky. The sound of a car crashing nearby caused her to jump. Finally she saw a street sign and used it to orient herself. Pointing herself in the proper direction, she took off at a run.

She passed people along the way, most of them running in the other direction. A lot of people, far too many, lay injured or dead on the street and sidewalk. Debris was everywhere, choking alleys and streets, blocking sidewalks and stairs.

She ignored it all and kept running. Why had she waited so long? Why had she ignored the warning signs? Such useless questions. She cried as she ran. Cried for the people lying broken and dead around her, cried for her selfish inaction that lead to this, cried for the loneliness that was her only companion, cried that she had to separate from Chloe. Again.

She ran and ran and ran. Up one street, across another, left, then right, then straight. She ran until she found the apartment and stopped. And the world around her stopped.

Where the apartment building stood was now a towering inferno. Even as she watched something flew from the sky shattering against the top of the building. Flaming debris was blasted into the air by the impact.

Falling to her knees she screamed Chloe’s name, over and over and over. She was crying but the air was so hot the tears disappeared faster than they could be shed. She curled into herself on the ground. This was her fault. It was all her fault. How many times must she destroy peoples lives? How many times must she make people suffer? Why couldn’t she learn?

She had to reset this, all of this. No more would she allow herself to get close to Chloe. No more would she allow this to happen. She vowed to reset the timeline the moment she and Chloe came together again. Better that she sacrifice her own happiness, her own needs, than to visit such suffering on others. She steeled herself to do the reset.

* * *

Chloe tumbled away from Max’s sleeping form, the smell of fire and blood still fresh in her nose. Her breath came in rapid gulps and her heart pounded loudly in her chest. A sense of fear and terror and loss permeated her. She blinked rapidly several seconds as if in the midst of smoke. What the hell was that?

For many minutes she lay there, trying to take in what she just saw. She knew it was one of Max’s memories, but she’d never experienced one like that before. It’s intensity was unreal. That terror and heart numbing sense of pain churned within her. An unimaginable sense of loss strangled her thoughts.

Until tonight she’d only seen memories of them as children or teenagers. But this one, this was very different. She needed time to think it through. Rising carefully from the bed, she left the room.

* * *

Max started as the nightmare faded into wakefulness. It took her several moments to remember where she was. Above her twinkling lights were just visible through the blanket. She was in Chloe’s bed, in the tent she had made. Her heart was still racing and her pajamas were damp with sweat.

Turning over she realized Chloe wasn’t in the bed with her. Thinking maybe she’d gone to the bathroom, or went to get a drink, she waited a while. It was taking too long though so finally she rose, wrapped herself in a blanket and went in search of her girlfriend.

She found her sitting on one of the futons in the front room, just staring into nothingness. Carefully she eased herself onto the seat next to her.

“Everything ok,” she whispered into the quiet room.

After a long time, Chloe said, “I saw something tonight that I don’t understand.”

“Oh,” Max said turning her face to her. “What was that?”

Eyes focused on nothing but the darkness Chloe said, “You were crying in your sleep and saying my name. I thought you were having a bad dream so I…I touched your shoulder to wake you. You were having a bad dream…only I got pulled into it.”

Blinking her eyes she shifted on the futon until she was facing Max. Her hands slipped into the blanket to grasp Max’s. “Fire and death and pain. So much pain. Things were falling from the sky. People were shouting in terror and panicking. You were looking for me.”

Drawing a ragged breath, Chloe realized just talking about what she saw brought back all those feelings. Her heart was pounding again and a soul weakening sadness pulled at her. “What was that, Max? What did I see?”

At the first words, Max had stiffened. She knew what was coming but still she shook her head in denial. “No,” she said, “It can’t be. None of you have ever seen one of those before.”

“See what, Max? What did I see?”

Dropping her head, Max did her breathing exercises. She knew what Chloe saw and it scared her. It scared her more than anything. “You saw…” she tried to get words out, but they wanted to hide in her darkness. “You saw…what happened the last time you and I became close.”

“You mean that was…that was real!” Her hands went slack in Max’s and trembled.

Screwing her eyes shut Max again did her breathing exercises, but they didn’t help. Panic was rising in her, seeking to claim her mind and body for its own. Run! It whispered. She fought it with everything she had, to push it down, to quiet its urging. Her hands tightened on Chloe’s, tighter, tighter until Chloe gasped with pain.

Eyes flying wide at what she did, she forced herself to drop Chloe’s hands. Shame and sorrow spread through her, smothering the panic. “I…I’m sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Her hands dropped into her lap under the blanket. There they proceeded to grip each other in a bone crushing grasp.

“Yes,” She finally managed to say. “Yes, that was real.”

Forcing her head up, she made herself look at Chloe. Already it felt like she was saying goodbye to her. Chloe was gazing at her through the darkness and she thought she saw something glint on her cheek. Ripping her hands apart, she raised one to touch the glint. Tears.

“Why,” Chloe said. The rest of the words were stuck, making her swallow hard. “Why am I that important?”

“I-I don’t know. I just know that each time you and I are tog-”

“That’s not what I mean,” Chloe said, interrupting her. She reached out her hand again to touch Max’s face. Lightly she traced under her eye, across toward her ear, and down to cup Max’s cheek.

“Getting that glimpse of…I don’t know what to call that, but knowing that sadness, that tragedy is a constant for you? And you willingly do that to yourself for me? God damn, Max, but that’s the most humbling shit I’ve ever experienced.”

Now her other hand had searched out and claimed one of Max’s. She held it briefly to her lips, then to her cheek. There was a tremble in Max. She could feel it where ever they touched. The girl wouldn’t meet her eyes, keeping them down.

“Why, Max? Why me? What did I do to deserve someone as amazing as you?”

Max only had one answer for that. “When this all began,” she said after a long silence, “I told you that you were my number one priority. That has never changed. Your happiness has always been important to me, because you are my friend, and because I love you.”

“But you never get to enjoy that love.”

Max tried to pull away from Chloe, but the other girl pulled back. Instead of fighting, Max went limp, slouching against the cushion. “Sometimes I do,” she said, eyes focused on the futon. “Like now. These three weeks are the happiest I’ve been in a really long time Chloe.”

“I don’t get it though.” Chloe reached out and placed a hand on Max’s chest. “The pain you must have in here. How am I worth that?”

Max smiled at her. “Your happiness is worth more to me than life, Chloe.”

Chloe searched her a time, eyes flicking over her features. “I guess that’s what love is,” she said finally. “And I should accept it, and not question whether I’m worth it or not, because only you can decide that.”

They sat a while in the dark silence, Max kept her eyes focused on their clasped hands. “You said ‘none of you have seen one of those before.’ What did you mean?”

Laying her head on the futon, Max said, “You always gain my memories, from the time we met as children, to the time I made my choice.” She paused there, reflecting on how many times that had happened.

“Do you mean the memory we saw on the porch tonight?”

Nodding, Max said, “Yes. You never get any of my memories after that.”

“What does that mean?”

Making herself look at Chloe, Max studied her face. The tears had dried but her face still looked sad. “I don’t know what it means. I hope it means this timeline gives me…something different.”

Chloe unwrapped the blanket around Max and slipped inside. She pulled the girl close to her from behind and rewrapped the blanket. Max didn’t fight her. “It sounds to me like you’re still stuck with two shit choices,” Chloe said. Her fingers traced along Max’s jaw.

“What do you mean?” Those fingers were so distracting. She was trying really hard not to think about that night that never happened with the fire that never came. Those fingers, god! They were bringing back memories and feelings long buried. That dream and this talk had brought them close to the surface.

“You said,” Chloe whispered into her ear, “that your original choice was between letting me die, or letting thousands of people die. You hated both, so you created a new, third choice.” Chloe tilted her head to better look at Max. “It seems to me your choice now is either eternal loneliness, or to draw close to me only to watch both me and others die.”

Having no answer, Max stayed silent. “I…I didn’t really understand what I was pushing you into the other day,” Chloe said, “when you finally told us what was going on. I’m not second guessing myself…just admitting I understand a little better now.”

Dropping her hand, Chloe held Max tight, heads resting together. After a long silence, she said, “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I still want to fight for your happiness.”

“Even though you know you will fail and die?”

“Max…we don’t know that. You’ve already said something is different this time, like me seeing that memory. Maybe whatever is different will give us the edge we need!”

It was such a fleeting hope that Chloe wanted to cling too. Swallowing the bitter cynicism that crept into her mind, Max focused instead on what Chloe was saying. She’d fight for Max’s happiness even if it meant her own death.

It was the closest to saying “I love you” Chloe had come so far. Although it tore at her heart, Max took those words and treasured them. “Thank you,” she said, “for caring that much about me.”

“Always,” Chloe said.


	11. Chapter 11

They snuggled together on the couch until sleep crept back into the edges of their minds. “Let’s get back to bed,” Chloe said. Max nodded sleepily. They returned to the blanket tent Chloe had prepared, laying side-by-side.

The memory, and the fact Chloe had experienced it, was still unsettling to Max. Chloe’s arms were no longer around her and she felt alone and cold.

“Chloe,” she quietly said. She didn’t want to awaken Chloe if she was sleeping.

“Yeah,” came the sleepy response.

“Would you…mind holding me?”

Her answer was Chloe snuggling against her and laying one arm over her. Max took her hand in hers, holding it to her chest. She pushed down the memories that threatened to flood her mind. “Thank you.”

A sleepy grunt was the only response.

Morning came and Chloe was gone. Max panicked for a moment, the memory of fire and death still fresh. The blanket arching overhead brought her to reality, well this reality, and she turned to lie face up.

She pondered last nights events, what she told Chloe and what she didn’t. The fact Chloe had seen that memory was bizarre and she wondered what that really meant. Further, she had said some pretty dark things and she hoped that didn’t freak her out.

Breathing out a sigh, she crawled out of the tent and looked around. The twinkling lights were no longer lit. Her bag sat next to the door, leaning against the dresser. Her eyebrows raised as she realized the bedroom had an attached bathroom.

Scooting off the bed, she grabbed her bag and went into the bathroom. Her amazement grew when she saw a large closet was on the other side of the bathroom. Keeping her curiosity in check, she found a clean towel and set about preparing for the day.

Steph was seated on one of the futons, working on her laptop, when she exited Chloe’s bedroom. “Coffee’s fresh, I just made it fifteen minutes ago,” Steph said as Max wandered into the front room.

“It snowed more last night,” she continued without looking up.

Max set down her bag with a frown. There went her plans for the day. Going into the kitchen, she prepared a cup of coffee and brought it to the front room. Taking her first sip, she closed her eyes as it slipped down her throat. She wrapped her hands around the mug, and tilted her head back.

“Do you wanna build a snowman?”

Max snapped her head up. “What?”

“I said, do you wanna build a snowman?”

Furrowing her brow, she took another sip. Steph was still focused on her laptop, fingers flying over the keys.

“Are you…going to sing that song if I say no?”

Steph’s fingers paused and she looked up. “What? What song?” There was definite confusion on her face.

Max laughed lightly. “Never mind,” she said, humor lilting her voice. “I don’t really have cold weather gear with me. I definitely don’t have gloves.”

“We’re about the same size, you can borrow some of my stuff.” Steph still hadn’t resumed her typing. She was looking at Max with a pleasant smile.

“After my coffee, maybe.”

“Great!” With that, Steph set her laptop aside, rose from the couch and left the room.

A knot of something sank inside Max as Steph did that. Shaking her head, she realized she still didn’t know how to read this girl. Taking another sip, she pondered the fact that across all the timelines, this was the first time she’d encountered Steph. Considering the girl was also from Arcadia Bay that was really odd.

“Here, I’ve got gloves, a hat, and an extra coat. I don’t have extra boots though.” Steph dropped the items next to Max before retaking her seat.

“How did you and Chloe become friends?”

Taking a drink from her own coffee, Steph smiled. “Nothing special. We met in school. My parents always had me in private schools and the like. We met the first year Chloe was at Blackwell. She stopped by my table when I was running a game during lunch, and she never moved on.”

Max looked at the gloves and hat while Steph spoke. They looked to be the right fit, but not quite her style. The hat most definitely wasn’t. It was too loud and flashy for her, with a tinsel tail. ‘And you’ve been friends ever since?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Steph paused, looking at her laptop briefly before taking another sip of her coffee. “Why do you ask?”

Still fingering the hat, Max debated telling Steph more. What held her back was she hadn’t told Chloe yet. She didn’t like discussing it first with Steph. Letting out a sigh, she decided on a compromise.

“I haven’t told Chloe yet…in all the timelines this is the first time I’ve met you.”

That got Steph’s full attention. “Really? That’s rather cool actually!”

“I suppose that’s one way to look at it.” Max finished her coffee and set the mug down. “Why do you want to build a snowman?”

“Two reasons: one, you look like you need to have more fun. And two, doing things only with Chloe can lead to relationship and friendship problems. At least that’s something I learned with Rachel.”

Max nodded and picked up the coat. “Well, we better get to it then. What will we use for the face?”

Bouncing off the futon, Steph hurried from the room. When she returned, she had some objects in her hands. “The eyes are easy,” she said and held up a couple of rocks. They were smooth and the right shape for eyes. “I found these a few weeks ago and thought they’d be great if we built a snowman this winter.”

She set the rocks down on a side table. Holding up a few plastic containers, she said, “For the rest of the face, I thought food paint and eco-friendly glitter would be just the thing! No boring old carrot for us!”

Smiling at her enthusiasm, and unique way of approaching the craft, Max said, “I don’t think I’ve ever built a snowman with something like food paint and glitter.”

“Well, it’s a first then.”

Finishing her coffee, Max put the cold weather gear on and they went outside. A narrow strip of land, covered in snow, bordered the apartment building and the surrounding fence. They spent the morning using all of its snow to build a snowman.

“That is the shortest snowman I’ve ever built,” Max said when they were done. The snowman only reached to her waist. They had to redo it halfway through when they realized there wasn’t enough snow.

“It’s not his fault there wasn’t enough snow,” Steph said as she knelt to create the little guy’s face. Just as she put the finishing touches with glittery hair, a car pulled into the row of spaces nearby.

“Looks like Chloe is back,” Max said when Chloe got out of the car. “And not looking too happy.” Leaving Steph behind Max hurried over to her.

“What’s up, Chloe?”

“You remember my new project,” she said as she hurried toward the stairs.

“Yeah…”

“It has some security problem. The fucking company owner called me and chewed me out because it’s letting people get access to things they shouldn’t. They had to take the service offline until I can fix it.”

She practically ran up the stairs and Max worried she would slip and hurt herself. Steph ran up the stairs behind them. “That doesn’t sound good,” Max said. What was she supposed to say?

“No, it fucking isn’t.” Chloe threw open the door to the apartment and ran toward her bedroom. Max stopped in the front room not sure what to do. Steph closed the door and stood near her.

“It’s really not good,” Steph said, her voice really low.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Keep her coffee flowing and her snacks at the ready. She’ll need to really focus, so no talking unless she initiates it.”

Taking off her soggy shoes, Max left them by the door, joined by the coat, gloves, and hat. Steph took her gear off as well. While they did that, Chloe came into the room with her laptop. Pulling a chair to the table, she sat down and opened her laptop.

Before she could say anything, Max went into the kitchen and made her a coffee. Bringing it back, she set it near Chloe then took a seat on the futon.

Unlike how movies and TV shows made it seem, watching Chloe track down the security problem was mind-numbingly boring. Per Steph’s instructions, she said nothing. The two of them sat on the futon together playing on their phones. Occasionally Max checked and refilled Chloe’s coffee.

Three hours into it, Chloe yelled, “Fucking yes! Found it.” She flung her hands up in the air and waved them about.

“What’d you find,” Max said.

“Someone changed my code before it went into production! And I have the git logs to prove who did it!” Before Max could ask about production or what a git log was, Chloe picked up her phone and dialed someone.

“Hey boss man,” Chloe said in a triumphant tone, “I figured out the problem!” She listened for a while, eyes flicking between her laptop screen and the girls. She flashed a quick thumbs’ up, then said, “sorry it took so long. I’ve got a patch ready to go.

“Get this! My code wasn’t the problem. Someone removed the XSRF token on the login page. Revert SHA 4dd96cc on the staging server then redeploy…uh-huh. There’s a couple of people with access to the staging server, I’ll send you the logs…ok, see you in the morning.”

With a huge smile, Chloe disconnected and set her phone on the table. “This is awesome,” she sang as she focused again on her laptop.

“What was that about,” Max whispered to Steph.

“I’d say she not only fixed the problem, but nailed who caused it,” Steph said, matching Max’s quiet voice.

Moments later, Chloe shut her laptop. The huge smile was still on her face. “That was a good thing, right,” Max said.

“It was indeed. Someone changed my code before it went into production. I sent my boss proof!” She stood and stretched. Her smile faltered as she looked again at Max.

“Oh fucking hell,” she muttered.

“What?”

“Your wall won’t be finished today.”

“Oh.” Max looked down at her phone.

“Do you…mind staying here another night?”

Hell no, she didn’t! But she didn’t want to seem that excited about it. “No…I don’t mind. I’ll need to get a change of clothes for work and a few other items though.”

“What if Max wrote a list of what she needed, then you could get her items and bring them back,” Steph said.

Thinking about it, Max nodded slowly. “Yes, that would work.” Unlocking her phone, she compiled a list of what she needed, and where to find the items, then texted it to Chloe. Meanwhile, Chloe took her laptop back to her bedroom.

When she returned, she stopped in front of Max. “Thank you,” she said.

Brow furrowing, Max looked up. “For…?”

“For keeping my coffee cup full. For not asking a bunch of questions. For not being disappointed that you couldn’t go home tonight. For your patience.”

“You’re welcome,” Max said with a smile. She thought those were rather odd things to be thanked for, but she enjoyed the appreciative smile on Chloe’s face.

Leaning down, Chloe gave Max a quick kiss on the cheek. Max’s cheeks glowed warmly. They hadn’t shown much affection in front of Steph and Max was a little nervous about it. “I gotta go and try to finish as much as possible today,” Chloe said with a little frown. “I was really looking forward to showing the picture to you, and spending some time with you tonight.”

“We can still spend some time together,” Max said as she rose from the couch. “How long do you think you’ll be.”

Glancing at her phone, Chloe paused a moment, then said, “I won’t be home until around nine.” She made a face at that, wincing a little. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Max said, “we’ll figure out something to do. But you, you need something for dinner. What do you have here? I can make you a sandwich to take.”

Chloe’s practically glowed at that. Taking Max’s hand, she led her to the kitchen. On the way she said, “There’s to be no making of sandwiches for Steph! That treasure is all mine.”

Max snorted and Steph said, “That’s ok, I think Max and I will go out for dinner tonight. You’ll be painting and chewing on a sandwich while Max and I will be drinking cocktails at a nice restaurant!”

In the kitchen, Max found enough stuff to make Chloe one of her sandwiches, except with regular bread. While she was assembling it, Chloe put her arms around her waist and leaned against her. The act made her stop what she was doing, close her eyes, and just be in the moment.

Kissing her lightly behind her ear, Chloe whispered, “do you mind…sleeping in my bed with me tonight?”

Her own hands had sought out Chloe’s clasped in front of her. “I don’t,” she whispered. The tremble, when it came, started low and deep. Chloe’s hands loosened and she moved to pull away, but Max caught her hands and held her there.

“Don’t, please,” she whispered.

“Max…I know you well enough now to know what that trembling means. What I’m doing hurts you…I don’t want to do that.”

Fighting to keep her voice steady and low, Max said, “Just give me a few more moments…please?” Her voice did crack at the end, and Chloe tightened her hold on her. After a long time, Max let out a breath that sounded like a suppressed sob. Her own hands dropped from Chloe’s.

“Thank you,” She whispered.

“What were you remembering?”

“I…can’t…please…I just can’t.”

Chloe leaned around so she could look into Max’s eyes. “Ok, but soon? Please?”

Max nodded, not meeting Chloe’s eyes. Quickly she finished the sandwich and wrapped it for Chloe to take. After handing it to her, she just stood at the counter. Her head was bowed, hands braced on the counter.

Rubbing her back lightly, Chloe said, “I don’t have to go…if you need me.”

“Thank you…but…I need to be alone right now.”

For a long time Chloe looked her. “Last night you said there would be times when you didn’t want to be around anyone, but that you would always need me. I think…this is one of those times.”

Putting the sandwich on the counter, she turned Max and took her into her arms. She didn’t talk, she didn’t ask questions, she simply held her girlfriend. Max clung to her tightly, not crying, but still trembling.

Steph poked her head into the kitchen after a time. Seeing them holding each other, she quietly backed out and returned to the front room.

How long they stood there didn’t matter. All that mattered was Max needed Chloe and Chloe was there for her. Her trembling finally subsided, and still Chloe held her.

Only when all the tension left Max did Chloe let go of her. Brushing a few hairs away from her face, Chloe said, “I’m here when you’re able to talk. I want to know what you are remembering so I can help you carry it.”

Nodding, Max picked up the sandwich and handed it to her. “Soon,” she said in a hoarse voice. “Now go finish my wall.” The last was said with a small smile. Chloe took the sandwich and gave her a tender kiss.

The rest of the day passed slowly. Steph showed Max their in-progress video game. It was a little strange at first moving around a digital version of herself. Chloe had explained how she came to be in the video game. That didn’t make it less surreal.

After that came video games and a movie. Unlike her tease, Steph didn’t take Max out to a restaurant. Instead they ordered in, Chinese this time, and Steph made them simple cocktails: rum and coke.

Right around nine o’clock, the door opened and Chloe stepped in. Setting down the bags she was carrying, she stomped her boots clean outside, then closed the door. “It’s snowing again, girls,” she said as she pulled her boots off.

“Ugh. I hope that doesn’t make it a pain for us to get to work tomorrow,” Max said as she rose from the futon. Giving Chloe a quick kiss, she bent down to get the bags.

“I’ll take that one,” Chloe said, pulling one of the bags away. “It has the paint supplies in it. No need for you to take care of that. The other has your stuff in it.”

“Thank you,” Max said. She opened the bag and began looking through it.

“You have a tiny amount of clothes. I think your entire wardrobe could fit in two of those bags.”

Closing the bag, Max said, “After you lose your entire wardrobe several times because of a reset you kind of stop caring about having lots of stuff.”

“Huh,” said Steph, who turned to look at her. “I’ve never thought of that. So when you reset the timeline, the only thing that persists is you?”

“Me, my clothes, things in my pockets, small things I may be carrying. I’ll be right back.” She went to Chloe’s room, where she set the bag next to her other bag.

Returning to the front room, she found Chloe seated on the futon opposite Steph. “Do you want a drink, or something to eat,” Max said.

“Thank you! One of your drinks, and something to snack on would be good,” Chloe said. Max went into the kitchen, found a bag of chips and made Chloe a rum and coke.

Taking both to Chloe, she seated herself next to her. Chloe immediately dove into the fare.

“If you don’t mind my asking, how many times have you finished college,” Steph said over the sound of crunching chips.

Clasping her hands between her knees, Max said, “I’ve started college many times, but I’ve only completed it twice.”

“Because of needing to reset…” Steph let the statement die into silence. “How old are you actually?”

That was something Max had never considered! “In…like actual years counted across all the resets? I don’t know…I’ve never really thought about it.” Before she could give it much thought, Chloe touched her arm.

Looking at her, she found Chloe shaking her head no. “Don’t think about it,” she said.

Max raised an eyebrow at her, but didn’t disagree. Instead she said, “Did you get the picture done?”

Chloe took a long drink and set down the tumbler. “Yes! And it’s a sight to behold. No going to see it without me!”

Max looked at her, fake astonishment on her face. “Me?”

“Yes you. I’m keen to your ways, Velma.”

“Ok, I’ll wait for you.”

The banter continued long after the drinks and snacks were gone. Finally, Chloe rose with a stretch and a yawn. “Well, unlike the two of you,” she said, “I have to be at work by eight tomorrow morning. So it’s bed time for me.”

Rising also, Max said, “I’ll join you. That way I won’t wake you up when I come in later.”

Steph rose as well and all three spent some time tidying the front room and kitchen, before heading down the hall.

Later, in bed, Max and Chloe lay staring at the ceiling. Chloe had taken down the tent, much to Max’s chagrin. The lights were still on the ceiling, twinkling in their soft erratic patterns. Finding Chloe’s hand, Max wrapped hers around it.

“I don’t want this weekend to end,” she said.

“You could just rewind and live it again,” Chloe said.

Rolling on her side, Max looked at her. The dim light gave her a soft look, shadowy and waiting. “Then I’m not really living,” Max said. Chloe turned her head slightly to look at her.

“My philosowaif,” she said with a smile. Leaning over, Max kissed Chloe on the nose then snuggled next to her. Chloe surprised her by turning and taking her into her arms.

“Why did you not want me to answer Steph’s question about my age?”

Chloe looked at her a long time, an unreadable expression on her face. “A couple of reasons,” she finally said. “First, I don’t want to learn that my girlfriend is old enough to be my grandma. Second…that’s the kind of thing that brings you pain.”

Her hand reached up and lay over Max’s heart. The touch caused Max’s breath to quicken.

“And I don’t want my girl to be in pain.”

“Thank you.”

“Goodnight my waif.”

Monday came and Chloe was out the door early, as she said. Max lounged some in the bed before rising and preparing for the day. Already she was becoming used to sleeping in the same bed as Chloe. She tried not to think about tonight. After two nights in bed with Chloe, the first night without her would be painful.

The day passed without event and Max soon found herself back at Chloe’s and Steph’s place. The snow had begun to melt, leaving their little snowman shorter than the day before. Max gave it a little pat on its glittery head before walking up the stairs and letting herself in the apartment.

She found Steph inside on a futon, laptop balanced on her knees. Saying hello to her, she wandered back to Chloe’s room. That’s where she stayed until Chloe came home later in the day. She spent some time putting all her stuff in her bags in preparation for returning to her apartment, then she pulled out her laptop and sat on Chloe’s bed to do some work.

There were still a few negatives to go through from earlier photo shoots. Some might be workable for the game. So engrossed was she in the work that she didn’t notice when Chloe returned.

“Hey.” The greeting pulled Max away from Lightroom and she looked up blinking in the dim light. Chloe stood in the door, leaning against the frame. “Coming home to find a girl waiting for me in my bed? Now that’s the kind of welcome I could get used to!”

Her cheeks warmed as she shut her laptop and scooted off the bed. “I was just doing some work while I waited for you.” She couldn’t meet Chloe’s eyes as she walked to her bag and slipped the laptop inside. Turning around, she moved to go through the doorway, but Chloe blocked her.

“Are you ok,” Chloe said.

“Not really, but what else is new.”

“Seriously? What can I do to help you?”

Sighing, Max crossed her arms. “I’m sorry, Chloe. You don’t deserve this. You came in happy and I’m just shooting you down.”

“Much as I like that apology, you need to tell me what’s going on. You’re not letting me in.”

Max sagged. Chloe was right. “It’s too much, too fast,” she finally said. “I’m still scared it’s all going to fall apart. After last night…I feel like no matter what I do…” Her words trailed into silence.

Taking her hands, Chloe said, “Ok, here’s what we are going to do. We are going to your place, where I’ll make you dinner, and we can spend some time together.”

“But won’t Step-”

“Don’t worry about Steph. Seriously, Max, tonight needs to be about you.”

“But you’ve already made plenty of moments about me.”

“And I will keep doing it until that frown is turned upside down.”

That made Max snort. “Ok,” she said with a slight smile. “I feel bad about leaving Steph by herself though.”

“You have a good heart, that’s why. Don’t worry, I’ll speak to her. Get ready to go.”

Turning, she grabbed her bags while Chloe returned to the front room. Max gazed around at Chloe’s room. It carried over some of the disorganization from her childhood. Since it was a room in an apartment, it didn’t quite have the charm of her childhood bedroom. She wondered what that looked like in this timeline.

Shaking herself from that melancholy, Max turned and left the room. In the front room, the other two girls were talking. Max put on her shoes and coat then waited. She tried not to listen to the conversation, but it was impossible not to.

Steph was apparently ok with Chloe and Max leaving her behind. It would give her more time to focus on something in their game project. Chloe thanked her profusely.

“Chloe, it’s ok. Remember how many times I needed to do something like this with Rachel,” Steph finally said as Chloe thanked her one more time. Max wondered if those words were really for her.

Chloe joined her at the door, coat already on, and they left. On the way to Max’s apartment they stopped at a grocery store where Chloe bought supplies for dinner. She wouldn’t tell Max what dinner would be, declaring it to be a surprise.

The talk between them was light, sharing some details about their day with each other. Max got the sense that Chloe had something she really wanted to share, but she wouldn’t open up about it.

At last they were at her apartment. Chloe parked on the street and they got out, each with bags in hand. They walked down the drive way and up the stairs. Before Max could unlock the door, Chloe said, “Welcome to your new gallery.”

Throwing her a look as she unlocked the door, Max pushed it open, flicked on the light and stepped inside. It was a good thing Chloe had the groceries because her bags slipped from her hand.

Stepping past her bags into the middle of the room, Max looked in awe at her wall. “So…do you like it,” Chloe asked. Max jumped.

“It’s beautiful!”

“Sorry for the pretentiousness.”

“Having your face on my wall is not pretentious…it’s gorgeous!”

A three-quarter profile of Chloe’s head was projecting from what looked like a polaroid picture. That picture was rotated and set against a shimmering sunset, or maybe it was a sunrise. Her blue hair streamed forward across her face from the wind.

“You did all this with spray paint?”

Chloe shrugged and carried her bags to the small kitchen. “I had lots of practice around town as a kid.”

“I like how you’re positioned so you’re looking at me while I sleep.”

“Always checking you out,” Chloe said as she pulled things from the bags. Max fell silent after that and Chloe busied herself with making dinner.

A deep satisfaction settled in Max as she gazed long at the picture. There was something special about having a larger than life Chloe always watching over her. Stepping close, she let her finger tips brush the lines of her face.

From the kitchen, Chloe watched her with her own private smile on her face. It was very obvious that Max loved the painting. That her art brought such pleasure to her was very gratifying.

“Is it a sunrise or a sunset?”

“It’s hope, Max. Whichever you pick, it’s meant to represent hope.”

At last, Max tore herself away from the painting. It was time to move back in. Chloe refused any help, and in fact kept her out of the kitchen. She busied herself with other things until dinner was ready.

The smell over the last few minutes was driving her crazy with hunger. Her tiny table was just big enough for the two plates. “So…what’s for dinner,” Max said as she looked at the empty plates.

“My speciality,” Chloe said as she opened the oven. “I decided to stop waffling and just make you my best meal.” Turning around, she carried a platter of waffles to the tiny table, which is when she noticed just how small the table was.

“Shit,” Chloe said, “there’s no room.”

“No worries,” Max said, “we’ll get what we want and put the platter on the counter.” With her fork she moved two of the waffles to her plate, then did the same for Chloe. Chloe put the platter on the counter and took her seat.

Pointing at some containers on the table, Chloe said, “Take your pick: powdered sugar, my personal favorite, real maple syrup, or some fruity stuff.”

“Maple syrup all the way for me,” Max said as she proved her point.

The first bite put her in heaven. Now she knew how Chloe felt eating one of her sandwiches. “This is heavenly,” Max said as she forked another bite.

Chloe smiled around hers. They spent some time enjoying the meal together, Max making appreciative noises whenever possible.

“I’ve some good news,” Chloe said as she finished a bite.

“What’s that?”

“I got a bonus for fixing that problem.”

“That’s awesome!”

“The dude that changed my code, and caused the problem, got a reprimand. He’ll probably be out soon. It’s not the first time he’s screwed up.”

“Ugh, you mean someone sabotaged your code?”

“Not quite like that, but close enough.”

Max looked at her now empty plate. Those waffles were so good. “Did Joyce teach you how to make these waffles?”

Chloe looked at her, fork hanging out of her mouth. “She taught me the basics. What you’re eating is my creation.”

Another waffle was tempting her, but she’d already had two. She decided self-control was warranted and put her fork on her plate. Chloe finished her last bite and set her fork down. “Now, go into your living room and get comfortable while I take care of the dishes!”

“I can’t let you-”

“Max, this is your night. Just go, please?” Chloe ended it with a smile. Reluctantly, Max went and sat on the futon, thinking about how the last few nights had been her night.

She spent her time gazing at the picture opposite. From the kitchen came the sounds of cleanup, and something else. She realized it was humming. Did Chloe hum?

Once done, Chloe joined her on the futon. “I put the rest of the waffles in your freezer. They should be good heated in the oven or the microwave.”

Max only nodded at that. Taking Chloe’s hand, she wrapped it in both of hers. “That night…when you asked me not to reset the timeline you said you had strange feelings for me. Feelings you didn’t understand. Do you understand those feelings any better now?”

“Wow, that’s a deep one.” Chloe paused for a while, gazing at their joined hands and around the room. “Yes, but not completely. There’s an anticipation to seeing you next. When we’re together everything feels right. When you’re happy I want to jump into the air and explode. When you’re sad I want to find whatever is making you sad and remove it.”

“Does it seem like…you have to have those feelings? Like you don’t have a choice in them?”

“No, not at all! Why would you ask that?”

“Just thinking about what you said about having strange feelings ever since we met.” Looking at Chloe, she smiled faintly. “Something I’ve always wondered is whether something inane like ‘fate’ is involved.”

Chloe reached out her other hand and took Max’s. “There are some things we need to talk about, Max. I’m hesitant because they’ll cause you pain and I don’t like that.”

Giving Chloe another faint smile, she said, “ask away.”

Chloe sat motionless a while, looking at their hands. Finally she rearranged them so they sat with Chloe’s arms around Max. “Why do you think you’ll have to do a reset?”

“I do-”

“Max!” Although her voice was loud, the tone was soft and warm. “You started trembling when I asked you that question. That only happens when something makes you sad, or hurt. I know you believe you’ll have to do a reset, since at least the other night with that memory. I don’t think any less of you for that. I just want to understand why.”

Silence descended as Max considered the question. “Those words you told me the other night? It’s time someone fought that hard for you? That wasn’t the first time you’d told me that…”

Max closed her eyes. The sense of an imminent end was too close to her to not be real. Chloe’s arms pulled her closer.

“You’ve already lived this before?”

“Not exactly. There are things with this timeline that I’ve never encountered before. Steph is one of them. You seeing that memory. The way you know what I need…”

“You mean…” Chloe leaned in a way to look at Max’s face. “Do you mean that our relationship is different than in other timelines?”

Nervously, Max looked at Chloe. “It’s moving faster. I don’t understand why…and it scares me.”

They sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Max still trembled as she tried to force those thoughts and memories from her mind. Focusing on the warmth of Chloe wrapped around her helped. Unfortunately that brought it’s own pain, a pain too deep to allow to surface.

“How can I know when disaster is near?” Chloe’s words were soft, timid.

“Why do you…no, forget that,” Max said. “That makes sense. There’s always weird animal behavior, sometimes including mass deaths. Unusual phenomena like snow in summer, or an eclipse when none should happen also happens. There’s no order to it. There are always two signs a few days before something happens.”

“Have we tried leaving when those signs appear?”

“It just follows us.”

“So…that means…”

“You…end up…”

“Don’t say it, Max, I get it.” Chloe nuzzled her cheek against her girlfriend. “Are there any happy memories you have after you made your own choice?”

“A few…”

“Any you’d be willing to share?”

Max thought for a while. “Well, there was that one summer we toured with your band all over Oregon, Washington, and Idaho.”

That made Chloe sit up. “I had a band!”

Max turned an impish smile on her. “Yes. You were the lead singer and guitarist. An almost all girl band called the v-strings. Your poor bassist. He was raised by very conservative parents. He didn’t know what to make of all you girls! But what I remember the most is how alive you were on the stage.

“There was a song you wrote for me…Blue-Eyed Girl…”

“Do you remember how it went?”

Max turned away. “It’s…it’s been a while. I may if I think about it…” She fell into silence, letting her eyes return to Chloe’s painting.

The answer was inside her, in a place where she stored her fondest memories. They were also the memories that brought her the most pain. That’s how it ever was for her, happiness and sadness mixed.

When the silence lengthened into minutes, Chloe said, “How about I tell you some of my happy memories?”

“I’d like that,” Max said, her eyes still fixed on the picture.

Chloe began weaving tales, as only she could, about the happy events she remembered. Playing pirates with her dad, going to the State fair, the time in college she’d tried to eat an entire gallon of ice cream, the time they got lost in Versailles because they remembered the wrong street name, and more.

As she wove her tales, Max turned her eyes from the painting to the real girl. She wanted to capture this moment and store it with all the others. The way she gazed at her wasn’t lost on Chloe, who turned her own eyes to look into Max’s.

Her words trailed into silence. Drawn into Max’s eyes, Chloe leaned forward letting their lips touch. The touch turned into something more as Max slipped her arms around her. When they broke away, because they forgot to breathe, Chloe smiled. “Amazing,” she said, her words soft as a breeze.

Her own arms slipped around Max, drawing her in for another kiss. “Are you ok with this,” Chloe said before their lips met.

Several minutes later, Max answered her. “Kissing…yes. I…I’m not ready for anything else. I’m…sorry.”

“Hey,” Chloe said, her hand coming up to caress Max’s cheek. “You don’t need to apologize. I’m here for you, not for myself.”

“Thank you.”

Max savored each kiss, wanting the joy and tenderness of each to dispel the sadness that lurked at the edges of each moment. It mostly worked. When Chloe broke away to look at her phone, though, it all came back.

“I should go,” Chloe said.

“Please don’t,” Max said and she looked at Chloe in such a way that she hesitated.

“I don’t have a change of clothes, or anything here. Not even a toothbrush.”

“I…have an extra one.”

“Extra pajamas? Those will be like kiddy clothes on me.”

“No, silly,” Max said as she lightly slapped Chloe’s shoulder. “An extra toothbrush!”

Chloe searched Max’s eyes for a while, a slight smile on her lips. Her smile faded though from whatever she saw in her eyes. “It means that much to you, doesn’t it?”

Shutting her eyes, Max nodded.

“What happened…the last time you and I were together? I saw how it ended…but what happened before that?” Questions so innocent, so necessary for their relationship, yet pulling up memories Max fought to suppress.

After a great mental struggle, Max managed to choke out, “I…hope to…tell you…someday.”

“I’ll stay for as long as you need.” Taking Max into her arms, she leaned back, pulling Max on top of her.


	12. Chapter 12

They easily adjusted their simple routine to include a new aspect of their life. On some nights Chloe stayed at Max’s. Other nights, Max stayed at Chloe’s. In that rhythm the days sped by.

Snow came and went, and came again. If Max had any other nightmares, Chloe wasn’t drawn into them. More than once though she found Max hidden away in a corner or other room, trying to hide from the world. Each time Max responded to Chloe’s care, but wouldn’t or couldn’t share the full pain coursing through her.

The day came for their trip to Arcadia Bay. The plan was to leave right after Chloe got home from work. She and Steph had spent the previous night packing. Max had shared a few concerns about the trip with Steph, mostly about her knowing things that she shouldn’t.

All through the day Max worked hard to keep her mind off the trip. She feared something would happen in her hometown. What that would be, she didn’t know. One thing was certain, she was resolved to share some information about that week with Chloe. The drive there, although short, would be a good time to do it.

At three o’clock, Chloe walked in unexpectedly. “Everyone got sent home early today,” she said to their surprised looks. “I’m not complaining.” Leaping from the futon, Max greeted her with a hug and a kiss. “And I’m never gonna tire of that greeting,” she said breathlessly.

Chloe put her gear away, they grabbed their bags and headed to the car. With Steph driving, and Max and Chloe in the back seat, they left the apartment complex and headed for the highway.

For a while they drove along in silence, listening to their music. Max kept her gaze on the world passing outside, although her hand was locked with Chloe’s. As Portland faded behind them, she turned to look at Chloe.

“It’s beyond time I told you more about what happened,” she said. “It’s a dark tale and maybe explains more about why I chose the way I did.” She looked down at her hand holding Chloe’s. Her other reached out to stroke Chloe’s wrist. “When I made the choice I never imagined…but I don’t regret it.”

Starting with the loss of William, Max wove a tale of friendship, loss, abandonment, and more. Even though she only touched on the highlights, each scene unfolded before her eyes in stark detail. More than once she stopped, lost in a memory only she could see. Chloe was patient, and did her best to help her through it.

As she spoke about the dark period of Kate’s life, Max suddenly said, “You need to stop the car.”

“Why?” Chloe and Steph asked the question at the same time.

“Because…I had to rewind an accident.”

With a quick glance into the mirror, Steph pulled the car onto the side of the road and stopped.

One she was satisfied it was safe, Max took up the tale again. The tension in the car became thick as she spoke about the bullying and Kate’s ascent to the roof. Horrified looks and sounds came from Steph and Chloe followed by relief when Kate stepped into Max’s arms.

Max paused after that, letting the moment ease into a tentative peace. Soft sobbing came from the front seat. “I’m guessing you both know Kate,” Max said, her own voice trembling from the emotions on the air.

“We do,” Chloe said, her voice choked. “We met her during her senior year at Blackwell. She had a hard time then as well, though thankfully not like you just described-”

“She’s so sweet and innocent,” Steph broke in. “That she was an easy target for bullies. We found her one day at the diner and befriended her.”

Turning to look out the side window at the forest outside, Max thought about what they said. “I used to be a better friend,” she said, her voice soft and tremulous. “She was one I used to ask about every time we came together. After so many resets…after so many lives…”

She turned back to Chloe, eyes glistening. “I’ve forgotten what it means to be a friend. Tell me about her, please?”

“Hey,” Chloe said. She unbuckled their seat belts and pulled Max into her arms. “You have not forgotten what it means to be a friend. So you’ve had a setback. You’re asking about her now. You still care about her.”

From the front seat, Steph said, “She graduated Blackwell as the Salutatorian. After that she went to an art school. She’s published several children’s books, including two award winning ones about bullying and acceptance.”

Turning to look at Chloe and Max, Steph hooked her arm over the seat and touched Max. “She’ll be home for the holiday if you want to meet her.”

“I would really like that.” There was a pleasant joy and peace flowing through Max at knowing Kate was doing so well.

Steph smiled and the rest of the tension vanished. Turning to put the car in gear, she stopped when Max said, “Don’t start driving! There’s something I should tell you right now while we’re stopped.”

Reaching out a hand, Max lightly laid it on Steph’s shoulder. Looking alternately at the two girls, she drew a deep breath and let it out. “Two days later we found Rachel’s body.”

Both Steph and Chloe froze. “How did she die,” Steph said, her voice strangled and hoarse.

As briefly and as kindly as she could, Max told them about the photo shoots, the Vortex Club parties, and the fateful night with Nathan. Neither girl spoke, but Max felt tremors in both of them.

“Thats…that’s why I asked about Rachel the night I explained what was happening,” she said, her eyes now firmly on Chloe. “She’s always alive in timelines where you…have a better life.”

Switching her gaze back to Steph, catching her eyes in the rearview mirror, Max said, “Her being connected to you is…different in this timeline. She’s always been connected with Chloe before. I…hope and want that to mean good things for everyone.”

After that she fell into silence, her thoughts focused on that last point. Chloe’s arms were still around her, conveying comfort and more.

“Well,” said Steph, “We better get driving again if we want to make it before dark.” Max put on the center seat belt, choosing to stay next to Chloe.

Several miles elapsed before she took up the thread again. With Rachel’s and Kate’s roles in the story explained, the rest went rather easy. Like every other time she told the tale, Chloe became very angry over what Mark Jefferson did to Max and the other girls.

That was one of the things Max took care of when she chose differently. Mark Jefferson was in jail on multiple counts of kidnapping, assault, and a few other charges.

The story ended some miles before they reached Arcadia Bay. Max leaned against Chloe, eyes watching the dimming sky outside.

Turning slightly, Chloe kissed Max on the cheek. “Thanks for sharing all that with us, Max,” she said as she nuzzled her cheek. “Do you think any of those memories will surface while we’re in town?”

Sighing, Max said, “I don’t know. There’s so much I don’t know. Why do I have these powers? Why do my memories bleed into you? What even causes them to happen? I wish I had the answers to these questions, but I don’t even have guesses.”

“Maybe we’ll figure it out this time?”

“I sure hope so.”

Chloe let her hand wander to Max’s left wrist. Her fingers gently pulled back the sleeve, revealing the tattoo. “Can you tell me about this,” she whispered into Max’s ear.

Max watched Chloe’s fingers trace the butterfly. Like the first time, a warmth infused her at the touch. “You made it,” She said, her voice also low. Chloe’s fingers stopped.

“I did?”

“The butterfly. It was a nickname I gave you in one of our lives…blue morpho. Remember what I said about taking a picture of a butterfly in the Blackwell restroom? The butterfly was a blue morpho.

“You were a very skilled tattoo artist…”

* * *

“Can I open my eyes yet?”

Max giggled as she drew Chloe after her. A wide band of cloth covered Chloe’s eyes. Her arms were outstretched, with Max holding her hands and walking backwards.

“Just a few more steps, love,” Max said. Every few seconds she checked behind her to make certain nothing was in their way. “Almost there.”

Stopping, she drew Chloe to her, then turned her to face the building. With her arm around Chloe’s shoulders, holding the one opposite, Max looked at her love, and the building.

Stepping in front of Chloe, she said, “Close your eyes.” Reaching behind, she grabbed the knot in the cloth. With a swift motion she pulled the cover from her face.

For a few seconds Chloe blinked rapidly blinded by the sudden light. Max stood in front and to her side, hands clasped before her worrying the cloth. It was very obvious when Chloe could see. With a sharp intake of breath, she stepped backward.

Before her was a simple store front. A wide window was emblazoned with “Blue Morpho Tattoo L.L.C.” arching over a beautiful Blue Morpho butterfly. Through the window could be seen various chairs and store equipment.

Her eyes dropped to Max. “This is…this is mine?”

With her shy smile, Max nodded. “Do you…like it?”

“Like it? I love it!” Before Max knew what was happening, she found herself in the air being spun around by Chloe. “This is one of the greatest things anyone’s done for me, Max!”

Putting Max down, Chloe ran to the building. Her hand reached for the door handle, then stopped. “How…how did you manage to do this?” Chloe turned and looked at her.

“Don’t worry about that,” Max said, nervous excitement edging her voice. “Go inside!”

Chloe narrowed her eyes, then placed her hand on the door and pushed.

* * *

Max gasped and blinked. It took several seconds to register where she was. Next to her Chloe was doing the same.

“Was that…,” Chloe began once their senses adjusted. “Was that what you were just telling me about?”

All Max could do was nod. There was a confusion of emotions inside that was trying to force its way from her.

Recognizing the signs, Chloe pulled Max as close as she could. She whispered words of support and love to her as a great trembling laid hold of Max. As the signs of emotional pain went from tremor to trembling, to shaking, Chloe kept her close.

“It’s ok to feel,” Chloe whispered. “Whatever it is you’re feeling, it’s ok to have those feelings.”

Her words, gentle and caring, were like opening a door and Max’s feelings came out in a great wail. Steph glanced quickly in the rearview mirror as the sound filled the small car.

“Everything ok,” Steph asked.

Chloe shook her head, not really sure what to say.

“Do I need to pull over?”

Shrugging, Chloe said, “I don’t think it will help. Just keep going.”

Max fell over into Chloe’s lap, whose fingers stroked her hair and cheek. The tears kept flowing, the wails not lessening in volume, and Max hid behind her hands.

Unlike other times, Max kept at it for a long time. Chloe wondered what that meant. There was something about that tattoo and that memory that suggested a hurt deeper than Max let on.

Watching her girlfriend be in such obvious pain almost brought tears to Chloe’s own eyes. Frustration flooded her because there was nothing she could do to remove that pain from Max. Closing her eyes against the anger and frustration, Chloe kept stroking Max’s hair.

Just outside Arcadia Bay, Max finally calmed into gentle sobs and tremors. Her tears dried but her hands stayed over her face. She focused on the touch of Chloe’s fingers tracing through her hair.

“Stop at the Sav-Mart before we go to my parents,” Chloe said.

Sitting up, Max looked around. “Why are we going to the Sav-Mart?”

“We need to clean you up,” Chloe said, her voice gentle. “If we take you to my parents like this, they’ll ask a lot of questions. I think you don’t want that.”

Max shook her head. “Sorry,” she said.

“Don’t apologize,” Chloe said. “You’ve needed that cry for a while, haven’t you.”

Keeping her eyes focused on her hands, Max nodded.

Steph pulled into the parking lot and parked. Getting out, she hurried into the store. Chloe used the opportunity to undo their belts and pull Max into a close embrace. Max slipped her arms around her girlfriend and pulled tight.

“Easy there, girlfriend,” Chloe said, “I don’t need a broken rib.”

Smiling a little, Max loosened her grip. Chloe kissed her tenderly. “You don’t have to tell me,” Chloe said, “but know that I’m here for you. When you are ready to share that pain, I’m here to help you carry it.”

In réponse, Max snuggled against her, tucking her head against Chloe’s chin. They stayed like that until Steph returned. Getting into the driver seat, she slung a plastic grocery bag of stuff into the back seat. Turning on the car, she switched on the overhead light.

Chloe grabbed the bag and opened it. After examining its contents she said, “Ok, you need to sit so I can see your face.”

Max turned until she was straddling Chloe. Chloe opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again.

“What,” Max said, her head tilting to look into Chloe’s face.

“Ur…nothing.” Pulling something from the bag, Chloe said, “Close your eyes.”

Max didn’t know what Chloe was doing to her. Wet and sightly rough things rubbed all over her face, including her eyes. Next was something dry. “Can I open my eyes yet,” she asked when several seconds elapsed with nothing touching her face.

“Not yet,” Chloe said, “I need to put on some make up.”

Max’s eyes flew open. “Makeup,” she said. “Why?”

“To hide some of the redness around your eyes. Don’t worry,” Chloe’s mouth was sliding into a smile, “I won’t put your hipster reputation in jeopardy.”

With a playful slap on Chloe’s arm, Max closed her eyes. Moments later came the soft touch of the applicator. “Only a little,” she said.

“Only a little,” Chloe said.

Max waited in silence, letting Chloe do what she needed. It didn’t take very long before Chloe tapped her knee. “All done,” she said. Max opened her eyes. “Turn around and get Steph’s opinion,” Chloe said.

Sliding off Chloe’s lap, Max turned so Steph could see her. Twisting in her seat, Steph studied her face. “Looks good,” Steph said. “I think your parents won’t suspect a thing.”

Max sat back and put her seat belt on. “Thank you, both,” she said.

“You’re welcome,” Steph said.

Chloe gave her a smile. “Anything for you,” she said.

The car started moving and Max took up Chloe’s hands in hers. Knowing she was going to see Joyce and William was filling her with excitement and nervousness both. Chloe took her hands and held them.

Minutes later they pulled into the drive way. For a moment Max had a flashback to that time she photo jumped and found a paralyzed Chloe. The house was in good repair, with well-tended blue paint. Steph parked the car and turned it off.

“Ready,” Chloe said. Max looked at her. There was so much she saw in her girlfriend’s eyes. At that moment she knew this moment meant a lot to Chloe. How long had it been since Chloe had brought a special someone home? Had she ever done that?

Those thoughts gave Max a sense of confidence, that which comes when you know others also believe in you. Smiling at Chloe, Max stole a kiss. “Yes,” she said.

Chloe opened the door and slid out. Undoing her seat belt, Max followed. They got their bags and Chloe led them to the door, with Max between the two.

Giving Max a smile, Chloe opened the door and walked inside. “Mom, Dad,” she said loudly as they entered. “We’re here.”

Immediately from the kitchen came an excited sound and Joyce came into the hall. Throwing her arms around Chloe, she gave her a warm welcome, asking all sorts of questions.

A nervous smile spread across Max’s face. Joyce was still Joyce, Southern spunk and warm welcome. It didn’t take her long to notice Max hanging back by Steph. Letting go of her daughter she came forward.

“Hello, Steph,” she drawled.

“Hello, Joyce,” Steph said in return and edged away from Max.

Joyce turned her full attention on Max. Her head was at a slight tilt and a faint smile was on her face. “And who do we have here?”

“Max,” Chloe said as she slipped around Joyce. She took Max’s hand in hers. “This is Max.”

“Oh, I know who she is, girl,” Joyce said with a grin, “isn’t she the most adorable girl you’ve ever brought home?” Before Max could stammer out a greeting, Joyce folded her into her arms. “Welcome,” Joyce said.

“It’s great to finally meet you Mrs. Pri-”

“It’s Joyce honey, none of that Mrs. Price from you.”

“Who goes there,” bellowed a male voice from above.

Joyce let go of Max and turned to the side. “That man,” she muttered with a twinkle in her eye. Looking at Max she said, “Now don’t you go letting him scare you away!” With that she returned to the kitchen.

From the top of the stairs came the sound of heavy feet. Boots appeared, hurrying down the steps. Chloe stepped in front of Max, but not completely blocking her view.

Halfway down the boots stopped and a blond man peered at them. A pirate hat was perched on his head. “Who seeks permission t’ board this ‘ere galleon?”

“Chloe Blue,” she said and Max started.

“Chloe Blue,” William said, head tilted in a question. “I know not this Chloe Blue. Have ye the Price to pay?”

Steph leaned close to Max and whispered, “they’re like this every time she comes home.”

Max nodded, keeping her attention on William. She was doing her hardest to keep herself calm, even though her fingers were worrying the hem of her hoodie.

“I always have the Price to pay,” Chloe answered. She stepped forward as William came down the rest of the way. He swept her up into a hug and Max’s heart warmed at the sight.

Putting Chloe down, he touched her cheek tenderly, then looked past her. “Steph Gingrich! So nice of you to come.” Coming forward, he gave her a little fatherly hug. That left Max as the last to receive his attention.

“And this must be the girl who’s stolen my daughters heart,” he said.

Max’s cheeks and ears warmed at his words. She was so conflicted. Seeing him here and so full of life filled her with happiness. A happiness that she had to contain so he wouldn’t be confused. Giving him a shy smile, she held out her hand and said, “Hello.”

“Be nice to her dad,” Chloe whispered as William stepped closer.

“Do you know what we do with thieves in these parts,” William growled. Reaching out, he pulled Max in his arms and lifted her in a deep hug. “We capture them!”

“Dad,” Chloe whined, pulling at his arm.

* * *

Black clouds hung in the sky, angrily threatening rain. Before them the casket lay on the supports, ready for lowering into the ground. Numbly, Max reached out her hand and took Chloe’s in hers.

“I’m so so sorry, Chloe,” Max said and she couldn’t keep her voice steady.

Next to her Chloe stood, wooden in her shock and numbness. Her eyes stared at the casket without seeing. Max’s hand clasped a lifeless one devoid of warmth.

She felt like crying. She should be crying, even her voice sounded like it. But like Chloe, she could only stand there, looking. It was only a few days ago she, Chloe, and William had made breakfast together. And now…

Another wreath of flowers were laid on the casket.

On the other side of Chloe, Joyce was barely able to stand. She was sobbing enough for the three of them. She turned to put an arm around Chloe, who pulled away from her.

* * *

The memory faded into the lively voice of William holding her. Max looked at him and she tried to keep everything under control. She tried to be as wooden and lifeless like that day. But she couldn’t.

With a sob, she flung her arms around William and buried her face in his chest.

Not expecting her to break into tears, William froze and looked at her. “Wha-?”

Nearby, Chloe stood, trying to process what just happened. The sadness and numbness of the memory beat at her heart and mind, leaving her frozen, much like her younger self had been at the grave site.

Seeing her friends weird behavior, Steph stepped up to William. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said. She kept her tone as gentle and warm as she could. “She’s been having a rough time lately.”

“Oh,” William said as he put Max back on her feet. “I’m sorry, Max.”

Joyce had come to the hall, a worried look on her face. “Does she need to lie down?”

William had let go of Max, but Max wouldn’t let go of him.

Finally recovering from the memory, Chloe shook her head and put her hand on Max’s shoulder. “Hey babe,” she said, “It’s gonna be ok. You can let go of dad now.” She gently unwrapped Max from her dad and took her into her arms. “Let’s get you upstairs, ok?”

Chloe took her upstairs to her old bedroom. They sat on the bed and Chloe held her until she was calm and the tears no longer flowed.

“That was…that was my dad’s funeral when you were thirteen, wasn’t it?”

Max could only nod. How she wished that memory had never surfaced!

“That was the second time today we share a memory,” Chloe said. Again, Max nodded. “And the second time it was linked to something happening.”

Wiping her nose on her sleeve, Max looked at it in disgust. Snot glistened all over both cuffs. Taking her hoodie off, she threw it against the wall.

“Whoa, Max,” Chloe said, “good shot, but the laundry basket isn’t over there.”

“I spoiled it, I spoiled your homecoming.” There was a hard tone in Max’s voice that Chloe had never heard.

“No, Max, you didn’t spoil it.” Her hand rubbed Max’s shoulder, then her neck. Max was focused on her hands, trying not to look around and see what wasn’t there.

“I tried…I really did,” she whispered. “Meeting your parents…I know that means a lot to you and I wanted it to be special for you.”

“And it was special, Max,” Chloe said, “I’m sure my dad will never forget it. It’s not everyday a father can make his daughter’s girlfriend cry just by hugging them.”

Max smiled thinly at Chloe’s attempt to lighten her mood. Taking Chloe’s hand in hers, she held it between her own. “Thank you,” she said.

“We can stay up here as long as you like,” Chloe said. Her hand had moved to Max’s back, rubbing it right where she liked it.

“I think I can go down…let me just wash up.”

“Ok, I’ll wait for you at the top of the stairs.”

Rising, they left the room. In the bathroom, Max looked at herself in the mirror. The makeup from Chloe’s attempt to mask her earlier crying had smeared and run down her face. Turning on the faucet, she washed her face until all the makeup and dried tears were gone.

Afterward she stared at herself in the mirror, eyes still red and puffy. How long could she do this? Could she really stay in Arcadia Bay four days without a total breakdown?

What scared her worse was the earlier memory in the car. She looked at her tattoo, finger tip tracing the blue butterfly. A pain too great to bear. And she was headed straight for another one.

She washed her face one more time, then did some breathing exercises for good measure. Closing her eyes she focused on the sense of touch and smell and hearing. Her toes wiggled in her shoes. The faint moldy smell of an old bathroom. The distance murmur of voices downstairs. These were things she chose to experience. If she wanted she could choose to not experience. She was in control.

When ready, she opened the door and joined Chloe. Arm in arm they walked downstairs and into the living room.

Steph was no longer there. She had taken the car over to her parents house. It was just the Price’s and Max. Joyce was busy in the kitchen, while William was setting the table.

He greeted them with a smile, his gaze lingering just a moment longer on Max. She gave him the best smile she could, then looked away. Chloe led her to the couch where they seated themselves until dinner was ready.

Max’s eyes roamed the room. Like every time, it was the same but different. There was no wine stain on the carpet. The couch and recliners were new, along with the TV. The coffee table was the same, as was the desk and bookcase.

“Looking for something,” Chloe said softly.

“Just seeing what’s different,” Max said in a low tone.

“Girls, time to eat,” William said and Max jolted as a host of memories that never happened ran through her mind. Chloe grabbed her hand and helped her to her feet.

“Are you sure you’ll be ok,” Chloe whispered. Max nodded. She could get through this. She had done it before, just never since-No, don’t think of that!

They walked to the table and sat down, opposite each other. William offered Max a drink and she asked for water. The food was brought and set on hot mats around the table. Joyce and William sat, and then began the most awkward dinner Max had endured for ages.

The Price’s, naturally, were very curious about the girl their daughter was dating. While they had received some information from Chloe, they still used the meal to pepper Max with all sorts of questions.

How long had she lived in Arcadia Bay, what was Seattle like, how long had she done photography, why she wasn’t spending the holiday with her parents, and on and on. Through it all, Max kept a smile plastered to her face and answered the best she could. A few times Chloe interjected when she noticed Max needing the help.

At the end, Max pushed herself away from the table. “That was a great meal, Joyce,” she said.

“Oh? You hardly ate anything, dear,” Joyce said.

“Nerves, I think. I was so nervous about meeting you and William.”

“Well, you had nothing to worry about. Oh honey, put that down, you’re a guest.”

Max had picked up her plate and one of the dishes to take to the kitchen. “It’s not a problem, Joyce,” she said. “I really want to help.” Joyce made a clucking noise and took the items from her.

“Now, if you make things more permanent, I’ll take you up on that,” Joyce said. “But for now, you’re our guest so you and Chloe get to skip the chores.” Max looked at her, then at Chloe who was tilting back her chair with a smile.

“Hey, if I knew bringing a girl home got me out of chores, I might have done it a long time ago,” Chloe said.

“I’m the only girl you’re allowed to bring home,” Max said as she rounded the table and sat on Chloe’s lap. She wrapped her arms around Chloe’s neck and kissed her nose.

“Ooo, you’re being a little feisty, “ Chloe murmured in her ear. “Does that mean you’re doing better?”

“No,” Max said, “but I’d much rather do something happy than let those things rule me.”

Chloe leaned back her head and looked at her. “I’ll take it,” she said after a while. Max smiled and kissed her quickly on the lips.

The rest of the evening was easy and relaxing. Max and Chloe moved to the couch. William put on a movie and Joyce soon joined them. There was some discussion of plans and activities over the next few days, and general banter. An hour or two later, Max yawned and claimed sleepiness.

Rising, she bid Joyce and William good night and made her way to the stairs. Chloe rushed to join her, and they went up together. Once they were in the bedroom, Max stopped to give it a good look.

Since Chloe had been gone for a few years, her parents had changed it into a guest room. It still had some of Chloe’s touches. Walking to the far corner, Max traced her finger tips over the height chart. It was missing her entries, which just seemed wrong.

Rising from the bag she’d been searching, Chloe looked at her. “Are you going to be ok?”

“Yeah…just thinking. It’s amazing to me how in all the different times, all the different Chloe’s, this height chart is always here.”

“Huh. Sort of like a cosmic constant or something?”

“Maybe.” Max turned her eyes away. The room was painted an off white. She suspected that was part of the guest room make over. “How different is this room, from when you lived here,” she asked as she sat on the bed.

“Well…the biggest change is it’s less colorful.” Chloe started stripping to her underwear while she talked. A warmth infused Max as she watched and she made her eyes focus on Chloe’s face. That was hard because Chloe was moving all over the place.

“I had a lot of my art on the walls. Some I took with me. They’re in the closet in my apartment. All the furniture is new, including the bed.”

Max ran her fingers over the blanket. “This isn’t the bed you slept in when you lived here?”

“Nah. In my senior year of high school my dad got that job at Pan Estates. It pays him well. Once I moved out for college, they started redoing this room.”

Frowning a little at her words, Max let her eyes sweep around the room.

“What were you hoping to find here,” Chloe said. She sat on the bed near her.

“Your childhood bedroom usually reflects who you are. Or at least who you were as you tried to figure out your identity. I’ve always used it to…reconnect with teen Chloe.”

“Sorry about that. This will only help you connect with my parents’ decorating sense.”

Slipping off the bed Max went to her bag to find her pajamas. She also dug out her toiletry kit. Her hand was on the door knob to go to the bathroom and she hesitated. She knew what held her back. She’d already come this far though. Would another step really make things worse?

Yes. Because each step carved a deeper wound in her heart. Each step drove her closer to a breaking point. But she couldn’t deny how good it was to be with Chloe again. She couldn’t deny that! No matter how powerful the pain which dragged at her heart, being close to Chloe brought an exquisite joy. A joy that helped blunt the edge of the pain, help soothe the wound.

Even though she knew she was fooling herself. She was soothing a wound that would be ripped open mercilessly. She was blunting an edge that would become jagged and brutal as it ripped that joy from her heart.

Her hand slipped from the door knob and she stepped away from the door. Setting the toiletry kit on the dresser, she began stripping to her underwear as Chloe did a few minutes ago.

From the corner of her eye she saw Chloe watching her. The girl was trying to be circumspect in observing her, but there was no mistaking what she was doing. Once her pajamas were on, she undid her bra and slipped it from under her shirt. Grabbing her toiletry kit, she headed to the bathroom.

Once in bed, Max lay looking at the ceiling. One day in Arcadia Bay. One day and she felt frayed and worn like nothing else. The way Chloe had looked at her while she was changing…she closed her eyes tightly and tried to think of something else. With a whispered good night, she turned onto her side.

Moments later, Chloe was pressed against her back, arm draped over hers. Max focused really hard to control herself, to not tremble. She didn’t want to alarm Chloe, didn’t want her to do more than she already was.

But she couldn’t control her automatic response to take Chloe’s hand and hold it to her heart. She couldn’t control the tears that slid silently from her eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

Morning came and with it the smell of fresh food. The scent of eggs and bacon wafted into Max’s nose, pulling her into wakefulness. Stretching she got out of bed, noticing Chloe was already gone. Grabbing some clothes, and her toiletry kit, she went to the bathroom and prepared for the day.

“You’ll never guess, what happened,” Chloe said as Max entered the living room.

“You beat Dark Souls 3 using only a drum machine and castanets?” Max grabbed a coffee mug from the cupboard and went to pour a cup.

“Uh, interesting guess but no. Is that possible? Anyways, I digress. Guess whose ex-girlfriend is in town?”

“Well, that narrows the options considerably. Rachel?” Max sipped the coffee. Drat she forgot to put the sugar in!

“Yep, and she wants to meet up with Steph.”

Pausing with the sugar, Max looked at Chloe. “How’s Steph taking this?”

“She’s all over the place. I told her to get over here after she had breakfast so we can talk.”

“Now, don’t be starting any trouble with Steph and Rachel,” Joyce said, turning around from the stove. “Both of them are good girls and if they want to get together again, need your support.”

“Mom,” Chloe complained, “all we’re going to do is talk. Besides, when have I done anything but support them?”

Giving her an eye, Joyce said, “A certain Halloween comes to mind.”

At her words, Chloe actually blushed. “That was an accident!”

Her gaze softening, Joyce said, “I know, dear. I just want you to be mindful. Best intentions can go awry.” She returned her attention to the range.

“What happened on Halloween,” Max said as she took a seat at the table.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Chloe muttered.

“Max, it’s breakfast time!” Joyce came out with a plate filled with eggs, bacon, and a waffle.

“Yum,” Max said as the plate was set in front of her. Her eyes shot nervously to Chloe, who was leaning against the wall. What if Joyce’s waffle was as good as Chloe’s? How would she handle this compliment dilemma?

Deciding there was only one way to find out, Max dove into the fare. As expected, everything was good. In the middle of her meal the doorbell rang and Chloe went to answer it.

Moments later, she returned to the room with Steph right behind. Max stopped eating when she saw the girl. Her hair was a mess, her beanie clutched in her hand, and it looked like she hadn’t slept much.

“Oh Steph,” Max said with concern, “Do you need something to eat? Some coffee maybe?”

Steph’s eyes flicked to Max, then away. “Yeah, sure. Some coffee,” She mumbled. Chloe steered her toward the couch. William was there watching a football game. He moved over and lowered the volume when the girls came in.

Max joined them a few moments later, cup of coffee in hand. Steph smiled a little as she took the cup. Giving a friendly rub to her shoulder, Max returned to her meal. Chloe would be better able to handle this.

She paid the conversation little mind as she finished the meal. It was obvious Steph was stressed and wanted to talk. At the other end of the couch, William was also trying to not pay attention. The game didn’t capture all his interest though and he kept glancing at his daughter.

Finishing her meal, and deciding it was very delicious, Max picked up her plate and took it to the kitchen. She set it on the counter, turned around, and leaned against it. “Thank you for the breakfast, Joyce, it was quite yummy” she said. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Joyce turned, a smile on her face. “No darlin, just go out there with your friends. If I need help I’ll be sure to call you in.”

Max returned the smile and left the kitchen. She stood in the entry to the living room a few moments before going in. Deciding to address a problem head on, she went and knelt by William.

“I’m…sorry about last night,” she said, glancing quickly at him, then away.

William looked at her and shifted a little in his seat. “There’s nothing to apologize for,” he said. “You don’t have to tell me what happened, I’m just glad Chloe was there to help you.”

Nodding at his words, she looked at Chloe and Steph, still talking. Standing, she seated herself in one of the recliners.

“Oh,” William said, “why don’t you sit here with your friends!” He got up as he said that and moved to the other recliner.

Smiling in thanks, Max switched to the couch. It put her next to Steph, not Chloe. She tried to focus on the game.

“Max,” Chloe said softly. She looked over at her. “Rachel wants to meet Steph for coffee at the diner. She does’t want to do it alone, she wants us with her. Do you mind if we do that?”

“No, I don’t mind.”

Steph thanked her and they all rose to put on their warm coats and shoes. “Don’t be out too late,” Joyce called as Chloe opened the door. “Dinner is at five!”

“We’ll be back in time,” Chloe said as they headed out. They all piled into the car, this time with Chloe driving. In short order they were at the diner. Before they entered, Max took Chloe’s hand in hers. Chloe flashed Max a look and they entered.

Steph went immediately to a booth near the jukebox where someone was already sitting. A person Max recognized, even from the back. The only real difference was her hair was shoulder length. Instead of sitting next to Rachel, Steph slid onto the bench opposite her.

Hesitating for a moment, Chloe decided to slide next to Rachel, leaving Max to sit next to Steph. Slowly, Max lowered herself on the bench, leaving space between her and Steph. She felt rather awkward, although probably less than if she sat next to Rachel.

Rachel glanced at her. “I don’t believe we’ve met,” she said in a low tone.

Extending her hand, Max said, “I’m Max Caulfield.” Rachel took her hand gently and shook.

“I’m Rachel Amber.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so many good things about you.”

Chloe’s eyes widened a bit at her words.

“Like what? What have you heard about me, Max Caulfield?”

“Ur,” she said, stuck. Her mind was racing with all sorts of facts about Rachel, but which were the ones from this life?

“That…you’re good at acting and you want to be a model?”

After those words tumbled out, she noticed Rachel had a twinkle in her eye. The girl was just teasing her. She relaxed a little and tried to keep her focus on Chloe.

After the greetings, Rachel, Steph and Chloe began talking. They had a year or more to catchup on. A waitress came and served the three newcomers coffee. Max stared into hers while the others chatted. The only things she could contribute were things she shouldn’t know, and likely weren’t true in this life.

* * *

Running from a truck, heart pounding. Fear nipping at their heels.

“Chloe, slow down! Wait for me!” But Chloe didn’t stop, she ran as if her life depended on it, or maybe someone else’s.

“I know exactly where I’m going,” Chloe called out as she ran. She didn’t stop or slow, pulling steadily ahead of Max as they slipped among the stacks of junk.

“Look, this is it!” Chloe had stopped, allowing Max to finally catch up. “This is it,” Chloe said as she fell to her knees and began clawing at the ground.

“Are you going to help me, Max?” The anguish in Chloe’s voice pierced Max who fell next to her friend and began digging at the earth.

“Chloe, stop! Look!” They had only dug for a few seconds, but already, Max had found something.

“Please, no…” Chloe said as she sat up. She was on the verge of tears as Max began moving dirt out of the way.

A foul stench permeated the air and the girls turned aside to gag. “That smell…” Max couldn’t look.

“Rachel…” Chloe’s heart was breaking and she pushed forward, ignoring the smell.

“Oh, Rachel, no, no! Please, not her!” And now Chloe was crying as she stumbled away from the shallow grave. Forcing herself onward, Max went to her friend to comfort her.

“Chloe…”

* * *

Blinking away the tears and memory, Max tightened her grip on the mug. Across from her Chloe had gone extremely pale. Her eyes were blinking rapidly.

Standing suddenly, Max muttered, “I need some air,” and walked away. It was all she could do to not run as that scene kept replaying in her mind. She left the diner and stood on the sidewalk, staring across into nothingness.

Someone was standing near her. Without looking she said, “You could have stayed with them.”

“No, I couldn’t,” Chloe said. Her arm went around Max’s waist. “You need me more. Besides, you know how awkward that was? They need to make amends and that is really hard with other people around.”

Leaning against Chloe’s shoulder, Max didn’t answer. After a few minutes, her arms went around Chloe and she turned to burying her face in her.

“So that was-”

“Please don’t talk about it,” Max said. “I’ve had more than I can bear of those things right now.” She lifted her head to peer up at Chloe. Their breath was misting in the cold air. “Take me somewhere, please?”

Giving her a little squeeze, Chloe looked down at her. “What would you like to see?”

After thinking a moment, she said, “You told me you had a lot of practice with spray paint as a kid. Show me some of your art.”

“Ok. How about I show you my first commissioned piece.”

“I’d like that.”

Max let go of Chloe, wrapping herself around her arm instead as they began walking down the sidewalk. “It’s just a few blocks away,” Chloe said. “I’ll warn you though, I was sixteen when I did this piece. It’s one of my earlier ones so it’s a bit rough.”

“I’m sure it’s beautiful.” Max said. They walked through the small town to a park just a couple of blocks off the Main Street. Snow covered the equipment and ground. A wall was on the far side of the park, which Chloe was aiming for.

They stopped in front of it. In Chloe’s distinctive street art fashion was a scene of children playing. They were dressed as pirates and ninjas and monsters, chasing and running through play ground equipment. “It’s beautiful,” Max said. The sincerity and appreciation was very noticeable in her voice.

She stepped closer to the wall. “Chloe? I thought you didn’t start having dreams of me until this past summer.”

“That’s right. That dream of us meeting as children with pirate dolls was the first time I ever saw you.”

Max’s fingers were touching one of the children. “Then who is this?”

Stepping closer to see, Chloe drew in a sharp breath. The figure Max was touching was unmistakeable. It was little Max, the one from her dream. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail, she wore an eyepatch, and was running after a girl with shoulder length blond hair.

“Is that you,” Max asked, pointing at the blond girl.

“I don’t know…I guess?”

They stood there, looking at the picture. Each was lost in her own thoughts. “What do you think it means,” Chloe said after a time.

Max shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe it means I wasn’t as thorough as I thought when I removed myself from your life.”

Her words made Chloe press her mouth together into a tight line. “With respect Max, that fucking sucks. I can’t even imagine how that must feel for you, but I see what it does to you.” Stepping in a way to command Max’s attention, she softened her tone. “When will you let me in?”

The response was for Max to turn her head away. “I…know it doesn’t seem like it,” she said after a long pause. “But I’m trying, I really am.”

“You are the strongest, most selfless person I’ve ever met,” Chloe said. Her words were a whisper just above the breeze. “You’re my hero, Max. Even heroes need someone.”

Max bowed her head at her words. Chloe took her into her arms, holding her close and tight. Taking off a glove, Max put her hand into her pants pocket. She pushed away from Chloe and looked up at her. Her hand came out of her pocket, tightly clenched.

She brought the hand up to her chest, clutching it with the other. “There’s…something I want to give you,” She said. Her voice was stressed and strangled. With great effort she extended her hands to Chloe, but her eyes and face stayed turned to the side and downcast.

Putting her hands on Max’s, Chloe said, “what is it?” Max only shook her head. Taking off her gloves, Chloe rubbed her hands together and held them out. Max glanced at them, then forced her hand to open.

Something shimmering silver and blue slid into Chloe’s hands. Bringing them close, she saw it was a silver necklace with a butterfly pendant. “It’s beautiful,” she said. “It looks like your tattoo.” Max nodded, remaining silent.

“Where’d you get it?”

“She…I…it was from another life.” There was so much hidden meaning in those few words. Clutching the necklace to her, Chloe laid a hand on Max’s shoulder. “Thank you. Help me put it on, please?”

Again Max nodded. She turned and knelt to make it easier. Max took the necklace from her hand, looped it around her neck and fastened it. Chloe touched the butterfly, sparkling in the weak winter sun. Tucking it under her clothes, she donned her gloves and rose.

Max stood with her head turned, not looking at her. Placing a hand on her shoulder, Chloe said, “Thank you.” There were questions she wanted to ask, but she felt now was not the right time. Taking Max’s arm, she said, “Let me show you other things.”

They spent the rest of the day wandering around town. Chloe pointed out some of her earlier art that still survived. She wove stories of getting in trouble and playing with friends through the streets. The day past quickly and they found themselves back at the diner sometime around 4 PM. Rachel and Steph were no longer there, of course, and they had taken the car with them.

It was with great relief some twenty minutes later when they entered the Price household. Joyce immediately took charge of them, sending them to wash up then return to the dining area. Once there she put them to work cleaning the table and preparing it for the meal.

Max guessed her time as a guest had already run out because Joyce worked her just as hard as her own daughter. It was so busy that no one noticed that Max knew where everything was and even knew what some table arrangements were supposed to be. Some of William’s family were joining them for the meal and it was to be a larger crowd.

The family began appearing a few minutes after the last plate was placed. William’s sister, her husband, and a couple of little kids came in with smiles and loud voices. The Price house ringed with laughter and kids playing. All in all it made the evening and dinner pass quickly. Max enjoyed playing with the young kids, a four and seven year old.

After the meal Joyce put Max and Chloe to work again, clearing the table and prepping the dishes for washing. Max was glad for all the distractions.

Later that night they lay in bed together, hands clasped and staring at the ceiling. “I think your mom likes me,” Max said.

“Oh? What gave you that idea?”

Max snorted at the sarcasm in Chloe’s response. “Because she revoked my guest card on the first day. Your little cousins are adorable.”

Now it was Chloe’s turn to snort. “Adorable? You’re adorable. They’re little terrors.”

“I bet that’s what people said about you at that age.”

“And they’d be right, cause I’m still a terror.” Chloe turned over to face Max as she spoke.

“Maybe a terror in bed,” Max said with a smile. Her hand came up to trace the necklace she gave Chloe earlier.

“How would you know,” Chloe said. Then slapped her head when she saw Max’s face collapse. “Oh, wow, I am so sorry!”

“No…you’re right.” Max lay for a while, looking at Chloe. “I didn’t want to let myself feel again…after the last time. I’m sure from your perspective this is the longest, most boring relationship ever-”

“No, Max. It’s not…it’s actually been what I needed.”

Frowning, Max looked up at her. “How…?”

“Remember what I said on our first date? How I wanted something more out of my dates? You’ve been giving me exactly what I need. Sure sex would be fun, and with you it’d be special. But if that’s all I wanted there are plenty of battery powered means to get that.”

Max couldn’t keep her laughter in at Chloe’s frankness. Chloe soon joined in. It was hard not to laugh when Max was laughing. “It’s been good,” Max said once she stopped laughing, “to feel again.” Her hand was still on the necklace. Her eyes flicked up to Chloe’s. “To let you in.”

“Tell me,” Chloe whispered, “truthfully…how many times have you reset since you and I were together last?”

A little crinkle formed between Max’s eyebrows as she looked at Chloe. “Hold me,” she whispered. Chloe took her in her arms. Max snuggled against her chest, head resting on Chloe’s arm.

“72”

A cold chill ran through Chloe at the number and hair across her arms and head raised. 72 times. She didn’t know what she would do with that. Why did she even ask?

Her arms tightened on Max. She pressed her lips against her head. How was Max still sane?

  


Friday morning dawned crisp and clear. It found Max and Chloe outside early building a snowman. The backyard had plenty of snow and they built one so tall Chloe needed to stand on something to put the head on. They only had a few impromptu snow fights while doing it.

After completing their snowman, they tumbled inside to find hot cocoa waiting for them, with real whipped cream. Max grinned as she stirred hers. Steph and Rachel came in as Max started her second cup. Hand in hand, they came to the couch and sat down.

“Looks like things are going well for the two of you,” Max said.

“We’re taking it slow,” Rachel said, her eyes stuck on Steph.

“Let’s say we didn’t roll a 20, but close enough,” Steph said as she looked at the cup of cocoa in Max’s hand. Before she could ask, Joyce came in with cups for both of them.

“Now don’t get used to this,” Joyce said, “I have second shift at the diner. You’ll have to fend for yourself for supper.”

“Oh, Max,” Steph said excitedly, “that reminds me. Did you want to meet Kate? She’ll be working at her family’s tea house today.”

Swallowing a delightful sip of hot cocoa Max said, “Arcadia Bay has a tea house?”

“When Pan Estates opened,” Chloe said, “It brought in enough people to make a local tea and coffee shop possible. Kate’s parents opened one about four years ago and it does well. She helps out whenever she’s in town.”

“Yes, I’d like to meet her.”

“We’ll go after the cocoa is done,” Rachel said. She looked up after her sip to find the other girls laughing at her. “What?”

“Let me help you,” Steph said. Leaning forward she licked cocoa and whipped cream off Rachel’s lips and nose. “There, much better.”

“Hmmm, I wonder…” Chloe said as she looked at Max. Max’s eyes widened and she looked at her mug, then at the other girls. An impish grin spread across her face as she raised her mug and took a drink.

When she lowered it, Chloe was next to her. “Hmmm, needs more whipped cream next time,” Chloe said as she leaned forward and licked Max’s lips.

“You’ll have to talk to your mom about that,” Max said as she rose from her seat. “Or not…that sounded gross.” She laughed as she took the mug to the kitchen, then returned to her seat to wait.

It didn’t take long for the other girls to finish their cocoa and they were out the door and piled into the car. A five minute drive found them pulling into the parking lot of a new building. In fact this entire part of Arcadia Bay was new to Max.

When she stepped from the car, she stood and looked around. It was like…well it was like she was no longer in Arcadia Bay. Everything was new and fresh. And out of character with the rest of town. Not in a bad way, just…different.

“You ok?”

She turned to find Chloe next to her. The other girls had already gone inside. “It’s just…weird seeing this new part of town.”

“When the Prescott’s spoke about investing in the town and bringing in new blood, everyone was mad,” Chloe said. Her hand took Max’s. “There were actually protesters trying to get it shut down. But…it’s been really good for the town. Sean Prescott made some weird arrangement where long time residents, and their children are first in line for jobs.” She shook her head and looked at Max.

“Ready to go in now?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

The tea house was as she expected. It was rather reminiscent of the cafe she worked at, with some unique homey touches. She guessed those touches were from Kate’s family.

Rachel and Steph were already seated at a low table surrounded by comfortable chairs. With them was a girl Max would recognize anywhere. She was so excited that she dragged Chloe to the table. Kate rose as they approached and held out her hand.

“You…you cut your hair,” Max said as she took Kate’s hand.

“What,” Kate questioned. One of her eyebrows rose and she tilted her head.

Chloe leaned close to Max and whispered. “You aren’t supposed to know that. I haven’t shown you any pictures of her.”

“Um…” Max tried to think quickly.

“Have we met before,” Kate asked, smiling.

Heat rushed to Max’s face as she dropped Kate’s hand. “Um…no we haven’t met before.”

“Are you sure,” Kate said as she retook her seat, “You feel really familiar.”

Max took a seat next to Steph, putting Chloe between her and Kate.

We haven’t met in many years. “You do look like someone I used to know, a long time ago,” Max said. It was the truth, though a bit weird. “When I saw you for a moment you reminded me of her.”

“Ah, that’s so sweet. I hope she was a nice friend.”

She was the nicest, sweetest person Max ever knew.

“Steph tells me that you’ve taken up with this rapscallion.” Kate thumped Chloe on the shoulder lightly.

“Hey,” Chloe protested, “I’ll have you know I am a fine upstanding citizen.”

“Yes, as long as they pay you.”

Chloe grinned at her comment.

“Yes,” Max said, eyeing Chloe. “She’s a bit rough around the edges, but in a good way.” She leaned her head against Chloe with her last words, a goofy smile on her face.

Kate squealed and said, “Oh, you two were made for each other.”

More than you realize. Max slipped her hand into Chloe’s.

“That’s great you’re here, meeting Beth’s friends and seeing where she grew up. Beth, will you go to Max’s for Christmas?”

Chloe and Max looked at each other. “Um, well, we haven’t discussed that yet,” Chloe said.

“Momma, momma,” came a high pitched voice. Max’s breath caught as she saw what could only be described as a miniature Kate bound across the cafe and launch herself at Kate. The girl squealed and hugged Kate. She looked around three or four years of age.

“Emma,” Kate said, “say hello to momma’s friends.” The girl turned around on her lap and looked at them with big eyes. When she saw Chloe her eyes became impossibly huge.

“I want blue hair,” she said.

“Hi Emma,” Max and Steph said in unison.

“We’ll discuss blue hair later, Emma. Now go find Nana.” Kate set the child down and paddled her lightly on the bottom. The child took off in a flurry of pigtails and flowery dress.

“She still looks so much like you,” Steph said. “Are you sure you didn’t make a cloning facility at school and are just hiding it?”

Kate laughed her lovely laugh, and waved her hand at Steph.

“Steph and Chloe told me you write children’s books,” Max said.

“That’s right. I write and illustrate them. It was something I used to do as a child and just kind of turned into something I do for work.”

“That’s wonderful!”

“Tell me about yourself, Max. Where are you from? How did you and Beth meet?”

Chloe squeezed Max’s hand reassuringly. “Tell you what,” Chloe said, “I have a feeling you two are going to hit it off. Why don’t we switch places.” She stood as she said that and placed a hand on the back of Max’s chair.

With something churning inside her, Max scooted closer to Kate. “Would you like something to eat or drink,” Kate asked as she got comfortable.

“Yes, some tea would be lovely.” Kate looked at the other girls, but only Steph accepted the offer. Rising from her seat, Kate disappeared into the work area.

“She’s really nice,” Max said.

“Too bad her mom isn’t the same,” Rachel said.

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s just say her mom isn’t a fan of Steph and I being together.”

“Oh.”

“And not just because those two are the worst with PDA,” Chloe said.

“I can guess what you mean.”

They continued with light banter until Kate returned carrying a serving tray. She placed a tall urn on the table along with some mugs, a container with various loose leaf teas, and a few baked goods. The next few minutes were spent with Kate, Max, and Steph preparing their teas.

Leaning back in her chair, hands wrapped around the warm mug, Max blew across the steam and looked at Kate. She looked the same as the first time she met her at Blackwell. The only difference was the chin length hair and maybe a little something around her eyes that hinted at something else, something she couldn’t put her finger on. The way they studied and focused was a bit more intense than the innocent Kate she once knew.

Max couldn’t shake the memories, good memories, of having tea with Kate in her dorm. A faint smile lit her face as she stared into her mug.

“What are you remembering?” Kate’s soft words surprised her.

Looking up, a little confused, Max said, “Uh…how did you know I was remembering something?”

“I like to study people,” Kate said as she slowly stirred her tea. The other girls were lost in their own conversation. It was like Kate and Max were in their own bubble. “You were looking into your tea and you smiled. That seems like a memory came to mind.”

Letting her smile broaden, Max said, “You’re right, I was remembering a time when I had tea with a good friend.”

“But it’s been a while, hasn’t it.”

“Yes. Too long. I had forgotten about her…with life and all it’s weirdness.”

“She probably still thinks about you as well.”

Max turned her face at that comment, but she couldn’t stop the thought. She no longer knows I exist.

“So…are your baked goods made here?”

“Yes! My mom still does the baking. She gets up early each morning to get everything ready. I’ve tried several times to have one of my sisters do that for her, but she doesn’t like to.”

Their talk strayed into more about the Cafe, with Max sharing that she worked at one. Max learned a lot more about Kate, than Kate about her. Kate got married in her first year of college. She and her husband were in the same school and graduated together. Emma came along soon after their marriage. In a show of true partnership, Kate’s husband shouldered the burden of school, work, and parenting equally with Kate. This allowed both of them to graduate at the same time.

“Tell me how you met Beth,” Kate asked as she finished her tea.

Looking into her now empty cup, Max placed it on the table. Picking up the tea, she began preparing another cup. “We met a few weeks ago when Steph hired me to be a photographer for a video game they are making.”

“Let me guess, you showed up to go over some proofs and she was in one of the pictures?”

“No…although that would be amazing. I didn’t meet her until a week later when Steph invited me over to play D&D with some friends.” She poured the still hot water into her cup.

“Did you start dating right away?”

“No. It was a week later when Chloe asked me out. You are very interested in this.”

Kate reached out and touched Max. “Beth means a lot to me. They both do. They helped me through some very dark times in my life. Seeing her happy seems a fitting reward for the care she showed me.”

Max was at a loss for words. What Kate said was not what she expected. Her eyes were drawn to where Kate’s hand still touched hers. For a brief moment she wished she could tell Kate everything, open her heart and let it all out. She could always rewind.

She had stopped doing that long ago, though. Treating a relationship like that created more problems than it helped.

“She’s an amazing person,” Max agreed. Kate sat back at that, a smile lighting her face.

“That, I can agree with. If you could do it over, what would you do differently?”

Her words froze Max in place, hand extended to get her tea. Probably not run that night was the first thought in Max’s head. “Why-why do you ask?” She grabbed her cup, a little too hard and splashed some hot tea on her hand.

“Because you’re holding something back.”

Wiping her hand on a napkin, Max gulped at the accusation. The other girls hadn’t noticed what was happening. Well, maybe Chloe did because she was looking at Max. Gently lifting the cup, Max sat back and took a sip. This Kate was very different. She was confident, assertive.

“What are you scared of?” Kate had leaned forward again and her words were whispered.

Destruction. Death. Suffering. Pain. She’d seen it too many times. That is what she feared.

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“Like I said, I like studying people. There’s something in the way you look at Beth…something in the way you carry yourself. It’s like you aren’t completely relaxed and yourself. That makes me wonder if you’re scared of something.”

“I’m scared that I’m not good enough for her,” Max whispered.

Kate studied her a while after her answer. “That doesn’t seem it…there’s something else you fear.”

Her questions were making Max feel really uncomfortable. She wanted to change the subject, quickly. Before she could catch herself, she said, “Do you still play the violin?”

Instead of answering, Kate leaned back and looked at her. Max couldn’t read the expression on her face. Many long moments passed until Kate rose and tapped her on the shoulder. “Come with me please.” Her voice was pleasant but there was something weaving through it that set Max on edge.

Putting down her tea, Max rose and followed Kate. They wove through the tables and comfy chairs toward the kitchen area. Taking her past the counter and into a back room they found little Emma sitting on a rug playing with some blocks and other toys.

Stepping past her daughter to a couple of chairs, Kate seated herself and waved Max to the other chair. “Emma dear,” Kate said once Max was seated. “Please get your favorite book for Max to read to you.”

The little girl jumped up with a little shout of happiness and ran to a little bookcase on the other side of the room. Max looked at Kate. “Why do you want me to read her a story?”

Kate ignored her, a little smile on her face. But her eyes weren’t smiling. Emma ran back with a book and climbed onto Max’s lap. She held the book for Max to take.

Max took the book and Emma immediately squirmed into a little bundle on her lap, waiting. She looked at the cover and almost dropped it. “Sad Max and the Big Meanies” was the title, by Kate Beverly Marsh. Below it stood a beautiful childlike girl with big blue eyes, brown hair, and freckles. She looked at Kate, who wasn’t looking at them.

“Read it,” squeaked Emma. “Read it!”

With little enthusiasm, Max opened the book and read it. The story was about a girl who couldn’t make friends. Every time she tried bullies would come along and ruin the friendship. Time and again, just when it seemed Sad Max would have a friend they would be snatched away from her.

That is until two girls showed up, one with blue hair, the other with dark. They helped Max to stand up to the bullies. They showed that it was the bullies who didn’t have friends and were jealous of Max. They didn’t want her to be happy so ruined her friendships.

The blue haired girl was clearly Chloe, and she even used that name in the story. The other girl didn’t give a name. But at the end all three were friends and Sad Max was no longer sad.

“Again! Again,” Emma said excitedly. Max could only look at the last page where Max and Chloe were holding hands.

“It’s a beautiful story,” she said. “When did you write it?”

“The idea came to me last summer. The words, the story, even the pictures, they all…came to me. Emma dear, let Max alone for a little while. She needs to talk to mommy.”

Pouting, Emma slid off Max’s lap, taking the book with her. She sat among the blocks, book on her lap and sounding out the words. “Why would I write a story about someone I never met, with one of my closest friends as a character?”

“What? You think the story is about me?”

“Isn’t it?”

“I-” Max couldn’t do it. She couldn’t deny it, she couldn’t lie or avoid it, not with Kate. Instead she stayed silent.

“Did Chloe, Steph, or Rachel tell you I had longer hair?”

Max shook her head.

“Did they tell you I played the violin?”

Again, she shook her head no.

“Are there other things you know about me?”

Max opened her mouth, then closed it again. She looked away, focusing on Emma reading the book. “I don’t know who the third person is,” Kate said, drawing Max’s attention back to her. “It could be me. It could be Steph. It could be someone I don’t even know.

“When you and Beth met the first time, did you call her Chloe or Beth?”

Eyes still fixed on Kate, Max softly said, “Chloe.”

“And no one had told you her name before, had they?”

Max didn’t answer. They sat in silence, listening to Emma read. She was really good and made her own sound effects in places.

“Why…I don’t know which question I want to ask,” Max said half-heartedly. Kate didn’t answer her though. She was looking again at her daughter.

“Who are the big meanies?” That was not a question Max expected. Kate returned her gaze to Max. “When the story first came to me it seemed so much like my time at Blackwell. I though the meanies were Nathan and the others of the Vortex Club. But they aren’t, are they?”

“If you’re applying the story to me,” Max said cautiously, “I don’t know who they are.”

“What are you scared of?”

“Letting people in.” The words came out soft and surprising. Max didn’t even know she was speaking until the words were done. A hand took hers and held it. Kate looked at her with a sad smile.

“Is that why you don’t let Chloe in?”

“No! I-She’s…I let her in!”

* * *

“Thank you, Max for coming,” Kate said with a nervous laugh while they waited for the kettle to boil.

“No, thank you for the invitation, Kate,” Max said. “I’ve never had a tea party before.”

“Well,” Kate said with a twinkle in her eye, “we’re not children. It’s not a tea party, it’s a tea social.”

“Oh, a tea social. I wore the wrong clothes for that.”

The two laughed and it was beautiful.

* * *

The vision faded and Max bolted from her seat. Kate still held her hand though, and clung to it tighter now. “What was that,” Kate exclaimed. She turned frightened eyes on Max.

“What is it, mommy,” Emma said. There was a hint of fear in her voice.

“What was that,” Kate said again, quieter. Her hand clung to Max’s, pulling downward.

“It’s…it’s ok, Emma,” Max found herself saying, “I stood too quickly and surprised your mommy.”

The child seemed to accept that and returned to her book. Max slowly returned to her seat. She sank her head onto her hand. Never had the memories been with someone else, only with Chloe. What did this mean?

She wanted to run, like that night weeks ago when the first memory sprang to life for Chloe. Run and hide until everyone forgot about her.

“It was…” would she really tell Kate? Would she bring her into the same damned fate as herself and Chloe, knowing that happiness for Max spelled doom for everyone else?

“…the memory of a former life.” Yes, she would.

“What do you mean, memory of a former life?”

With a glance at Emma, who had her back to them, Max quietly explained. She showed Kate. She told her Chloe and Steph knew, but not Rachel. She explained that she’d never shared a memory with anyone else, only Chloe. She even told her why she reset, and what lay in their future.

Kate listened to it all quietly. Part way through the explanation her hand withdrew from Max’s. She looked over at Emma and the yearning to pick up her child and hold her was so strong, so evident, Max could detect it and stopped. She touched Kate, giving her a weak smile.

Walking over to her daughter, Kate lifted her in her arms and gave her a big hug. Emma squirmed a moment, complaining about being removed from her toys. Once she understood what her mommy was doing, her little arms went around Kate’s neck and held her. Giving her a kiss on the cheek, Kate set Emma down and returned to her seat.

The scene was tender and rent Max’s heart.

When Max was done with the explanation, she stared into space. Emma was still playing with her toys, singing a child’s song, maybe one she invented. Kate stared at her daughter.

Stirring from her contemplation, Max rose. “I’m sorry to burden you with that knowledge, Kate,” she said softly.

Rising quickly beside her, Kate touched her arm. “It’s not a burden, Max. It’s a lot to absorb…but I don’t understand what role my story plays in it.”

“I don’t know either. But that’s the way it goes with the life I chose. Most things that happen I don’t understand.”

“If you…if you need to talk someone, don’t hesitate to call me.” Saying that, Kate fished her phone from her pocket and the two exchanged numbers. Before Max could leave, Kate threw her arms around her and squeezed her tight.

“Thank you,” Kate whispered.

“For…?”

“For taking care of Beth. For sharing that with me. For trusting me.”

“Next to Chloe you were my closest friend before all this began. I miss our friendship.”

“And with us living far apart it would be hard to rebuild.”

Giving another smile, Max stepped away from Kate and left the room. Her friends were still in the customer area. They looked rather bored, all focused on their phones.

Chloe jumped up at seeing her. “Hey, did you have a good time with Kate?”

In response Max threw her arms around Chloe and buried her face in her neck. “I told her everything.”

“What?” Chloe’s voice came out in a hiss. “Why?”

“The short story is we shared a memory which raised way too many questions.”

Chloe said nothing as she tightened her arms around Max. “Are you ok?”

“No…but that’s nothing new. Can we get out of here?”

The rest of the day was spent with Chloe taking Max around town, telling stories of her adventures as a child and teenager. Through it all Max became more and more quiet. Steph and Rachel took off after lunch to do something with Rachel’s family.

The day past quickly with an uneventful dinner of turkey left overs. Max and Chloe played a board game with William, then went to bed.


	14. Chapter 14

Chloe woke suddenly, sitting up as she did. In the dim light of her bedroom she looked around. The bed next to her was empty. Touching the sheet she found them cool to the touch. Max had been gone a while.

Leaving her bedroom she checked the bathroom, then went downstairs. Max wasn’t anywhere in the house. Returning to her room she quickly dressed for going outside. Grabbing her dad’s keys before leaving the house, she locked the door and got in her dads car.

The lighthouse. She didn’t know how she knew, but she knew Max was at the lighthouse. 3 AM. What was Max doing there at this hour?

As quickly as she could on the slick streets, she drove to the lighthouse park. Closing and locking the door, she headed for the trail. Damn! She forgot to bring something for Max! She’d spied Max’s coat hanging on the coat hook and left it there.

Holding her own coat tight against the wind and cold, she struggled up the path. Some twenty minutes later she was at the top. It was much colder here, being high up and exposed. The constant wind rushed across it, nipping her ears. They were already numb.

Seeing a shadow close to the barricade, she made her way toward it. It was Max, leaning precariously against the barricade that blocked against the long, deadly fall to the rocks below. With a sudden fear, she rushed forward. Wrapping her arms around Max, she pulled her away from the barricade.

* * *

The constant breeze ruffled Max’s hair as she stood on the bluff. Before her the bay unfolded in sparkling blue-green beauty. Behind her, the tower stood tall and proud. Her eyes scanned the bay, then turned to look inland.

“Chloe,” she called as she walked toward the lighthouse. Stopping by its door, she looked around. “Where is she,” she muttered. “She said to meet her here.” She turned slowly in a circle, seeking her girlfriend.

From the shadows by the outbuilding stepped a dashing figure, wearing a long cloak, black and fringed, and an old-style ship captains hat. The figure stepped close and rested a gloved hand on the hilt of a sword poking from the cloak.

With a bow, the figure swept off the hat, revealing hair of spectacular blue. Upon straightening, Max realized the person was Chloe.

“Thank ‘e for comin’, My Lady,” Chloe said with a serious look. Her eyes never strayed from Max’s.

“This is awesome,” Max gushed, “Where did you get the outfit? And when can I get one?” Her hands were clutched together before her.

Instead of answering her, Chloe turned her head slightly with a grin. She held out a gloved hand, palm open and upward. Max looked at the gloved hand, then back at Chloe. What was she supposed to do?

After a few moments hesitation, Max put her hand in Chloe’s. Immediately, Chloe went to one knee. “Max Silver,” she said, “for many a year now ye have ruled my heart as we have sailed the seas together. Would you do me the honor of Captaining my vessel?”

“W-what,” Max stammered. “What are you saying?”

Pulling her other hand from her cloak, Chloe held up a silver band glinting with a gem. “Max,” Chloe said, “will you marry me?”

Stunned silence fell upon Max. A loud pounding was in her ears and all she could see was that silver band pinched between two fingers. One thought repeated over and over: Chloe asked me to marry her!

She didn’t know how long she stood there, transfixed by the ring and Chloe. “Well, Max,” Chloe said.

Gulping, Max looked at Chloe. Her hand reached out to take the one holding the ring. Pulling on Chloe until she rose, Max stepped close to her. “My heart has always sailed with you, Chloe,” Max said and there was no tremor or nervousness in her voice. “I will gladly be your Captain, as long as you are mine.”

With a smile, Chloe said, “I accept those conditions.” With a deft move, she placed the ring on Max’s finger. “Max and Chloe forever,” she breathed.

“Always.”

* * *

The memory faded leaving Chloe confused. That was definitely her and Max. And that was definitely here at the lighthouse. Did she…? Were they…”

In her arms, Max was writhing, struggling, trying to break free. “Max,” Chloe said when she could find her voice. “Were we…married?”

Max opened her mouth and screamed in a way Chloe had never heard. She screamed in a way she had never imagined a human could.

* * *

She turned to another page. Studying different photography styles was both fun and boring. Max didn’t like studying the styles she wasn’t interested in, but she was resolved to plow through it.

Someone huffed and a book fell onto the table opposite her. The girl taking the seat was tall, lanky, with blonde hair sweeping over her eyes. A bright blue streak went through the middle of her hair. She dumped a large book, sketch pad, and colored pencils on the table and leaned forward. Placing her head in her hands, she blew air out of her mouth, making her lips flap.

“Long day,” Max said, a smile gracing her face.

“Very,” the girl said. Her eyes climbed up to meet Max’s. After a moment or two, the girl returned her smile. She had such dazzling blue eyes! “I’m Chloe Price,” she said.

I know, was Max’s first thought. “Nice to meet you,” Max said and extended a hand in greeting.

Taking her hand, they shook. Max noticed the many colored silicon bangles on Chloe’s wrist.

“Don’t we have a class together,” Chloe said as she pulled her hand away.

“Maybe. Which one do you think it is?”

* * *

Ugh, she was late to the cafeteria and there was already a long line. All the good food was probably gone too. Max set her tray on the counter, and put her silverware and napkin on it. Sliding down, she looked at the pre-made salads.

Thunk! Another tray hit hers, sending it sliding down the counter a few inches. “Whoops,” came a familiar voice. Retrieving her tray, Max placed one of the plastic covered bowls on it. She turned to look at the person next to her.

“Hello there, Ms. Price,” Max said. The smile on her face matched the smile in her voice. She slid down a few feet to the next station. “Have you figured out which class we have together?”

Chloe grabbed a bowl of jello, with fruit in the gelatin, and placed it on her tray. A slight scowl marked her face as she looked at the wobbly stuff. “Uh, no. Say, I never got your name…” She looked up at Max, her blue eyes wide and waiting.

“I’m Max, Max Caulfield.”

Extending a hand, Chloe said, “Nice to meet you Max, Max Caulfield. Just call me Chloe.”

“Ok,” Max said as they shook hands again.

* * *

Max waited at the corner of the quad. She wanted the shadows and the light on the building to be just right. Her finger played with the button on her camera while she waited.

From across the open space she heard a voice, familiar and speaking loudly. Her eyes looked around until she spied blue and blonde hair bobbing among the other students. She watched Chloe cross to one of the stone centerpieces of the quad and take a seat.

Setting down her bag, Chloe pulled out a sketch pad and pencils. She looked at the building opposite and began sketching.

So intent on watching Chloe was she that Max forgot why she was there. With a start, she brought her attention back to her project. She still had time. Bending to one knee, she tilted the camera upward at a slight angle, then looked through the view finder.

Her breath came softly as she waited. At the right moment she depressed the button several times. It was best to have many photos to choose from, than to trust to chance with one. Satisfied, she lowered her camera and looked at the screen on its back.

“So you’re a photographer?”

With a small yelp, Max leaped to her feet. The camera fumbled from her hand and she tried to catch it. Her hands only knocked it further. Someone else’s hand reached out and plucked the camera from the air.

“Sorry,” Chloe said as she handed the camera to her.

“No, it’s ok,” Max said. She examined the camera a few moments to ensure it was ok. When she glanced up she found Chloe looking at her, a slight smile on her face.

“You’re kind of cute when you’re flustered,” Chloe said softly.

Her heart beat a little faster at Chloe’s words and her cheeks became warm. She looked down at her camera a moment and took a breath. Looking up she said, “do you mind if I take your picture?”

“Take all the pictures you want, sista!”

Laughing a little, Max raised the camera and framed Chloe.

* * *

“Thanks for coming with me,” Chloe said as they walked into the house. From inside came loud music, laughter, singing, and more. Max glanced around nervously.

“You’re welcome,” she said, even though her voice didn’t reflect that.

A hand on her arm stopped her. “Hey, you ok?” Chloe looked at her worriedly.

“Yeah…no, not really these kinds of events are not really my thing.”

“Ok, we don’t have to go. Why don’t we go get a pizza or something?”

“I would really like that.”

* * *

“Chloe Elizabeth Price, are you finally asking me on a date?”

Chloe looked away, a line of red slowly creeping up her face. Her fingers fiddled with her collar, pulling at it. Placing her hand on Chloe’s, Max leaned in and whispered, “I’m just teasing. The answer is yes.”

* * *

The metal of the key gleamed like a tempting prize, promising both good things and something else. Max looked at the key in Chloe’s hand. “You’re asking me to give up my cozy little apartment, to move in with you?”

Chloe cocked her head, the smile on her face never dimming. “Well, yeah. My apartment is cheaper. You’ll be closer to campus and your job.”

Looking up at Chloe’s eyes, Max said, “My apartment is furnished. I’d have to buy a bed, a dresser, and who knows what else!”

A faint shading of red began creeping up Chloe’s face as she said, “You could sleep in my bed.” Her words were so soft, did Max hear them right?

That earnestness in her voice and face though. A slight smile touched Max’s mouth. “Chloe Elizabeth Price!” A faint shiver ran up Chloe’s body at the use of her full name. She had figured that out several dates ago, and used it sparingly. Usually in situations like this.

“How do I know this isn’t just some elaborate ploy to finally get into my pants?”

Chloe’s smile grew even bigger and brighter, which Max didn’t think was possible. “Maybe it is,” she whispered as she stepped into Max’s personal space. “But maybe,” she said as she tilted her head to touch Max’s. “Maybe this is just my way to have my girlfriend available for hugs whenever she wants them.”

The breath froze in Max at those words and she lost herself for several moments in Chloe’s eyes. Slowly her hand rose to take the key.

* * *

The move had taken longer than anticipated. It’s not that she had a lot of stuff, it’s that Chloe was…well Chloe. It was the most fun Max had ever had moving, even when Chloe tried embarrassing her when she packed up Max’s underwear and bras.

That girl! A smile touched her face and mind. Now, they were done, fed, showered, and in bed. And Max was, what was she? Anxious? Certainly. It was the first time they’d shared a bed together. Well, the first in this timeline. There was something else though.

She rolled onto her right side, staring at the wall opposite. “Max?” Chloe’s voice was soft. There was something to it, something in the way she asked that question. Hesitation. Uncertainty. Maybe something else?

“Yeah?”

“…would it be ok if I held you?”

That’s what it was! She was missing something. “Yes, that would be fine.” Moments later Chloe was snuggled against her back. One arm draped across hers. She took the hand in her own and held it to her heart, fingers tangled together.

The smile grew into one of deep satisfaction. “Goodnight, Chloe.”

“Goodnight, Max.”

* * *

Her eyes fluttered open. On the pillow next to her was Chloe, still asleep. Her face was turned up and her mouth open a little. Max’s eyes traveled up to her hair. It was now completely blue. That was a project they did last night.

Her hand crept up to Chloe’s hair, touching it softly. Why had she resisted so long moving in with Chloe?

“Like what you see?” Chloe’s words were soft and playful.

“Always,” Max said as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Your transformation is complete, my blue butterfly.”

A soft snort came from Chloe at that. She turned over and captured Max’s hand. “My little hipster waif,” she said as she kissed Max’s fingers.

“My Blue Morpho,” Max said as she pulled Chloe close.

* * *

“You’ve got to tell me what’s wrong, babe,” Chloe said. Her arms were around Max, holding her huddled form as close as she could. The room was dark and they sat on the couch where Chloe had found her.

“It’s all going to fall apart,” Max sobbed. Chloe made soft soothing noises as she stroked Max’s hair.

“It doesn’t matter what may happen,” Chloe said. Her voice was warm, low, and soothing. “What happens is now, you and I.”

Max sobbed louder. “But I told you,” she cried, “I told you what happens. If I don’t do something…if I don’t change this, you and many innocent people will die. I can’t do that!”

“Max…I love you with all my heart, with everything I am. It doesn’t matter if some great cataclysm comes tomorrow. What we have now, today, is what matters. Tell me…do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Does your heart sing when we are together?”

“Yes.”

“Do you believe I will do anything for you?”

Max turned to look at Chloe, tears glinting on both of their faces. Her hand touched Chloe’s cheek. “Yes.”

“Then let me fight for you! Let me give you the happiness you so deserve!”

Biting back a sob, Max nodded. “Yes, ok, yes!”

* * *

“I now pronounce you Wife and Wife, Mrs. Price-Caulfield, and Mrs. Caulfield-Price.”

Max looked up at the love of her life as those blue eyes descended. She lost herself in the universe hiding in those eyes as soft lips pressed against hers.

The arm around her waist tightened as they pressed together. She was sure there was applause and cheers, but all Max could hear was the beating of her heart, the rush of her blood as their love for each other stirred something deep inside her.

* * *

Giggling, Max’s fingers crept forward again to tickle Chloe’s sides. Her wife squirmed and tried to get away. She knew Chloe was letting her do this, that it was a game they both loved to play.

Chloe turned at the last moment and grabbed Max’s hands. “Nu-uh,” she said, “No freebies this time!” With a burst of strength she pulled Max close. The only thing they wore was the sheet covering them. Their bodies pressed together as their mouths found each other.

* * *

Chloe ran to the building. Her hand reached for the door handle, then stopped. “How…how did you manage to do this?” Chloe turned and looked at her.

“Don’t worry about that,” Max said, nervous excitement edging her voice. “Go inside!”

Chloe narrowed her eyes, then placed her hand on the door and pushed. Max waited a few moments on the sidewalk. Chloe’s excited swearing came to her ears. She wanted those first few moments to be Chloe’s alone.

She pushed away the thoughts of debt and loans Chloe’s question had called to mind. Opening the door she went into the tattoo shop, Chloe’s tattoo shop.

* * *

“Happy Anniversary!”

Max squealed with delight as Chloe gave her the card and gift. Clutching her robe to her, she sat in the chair at the breakfast table. Inside the box was a silver chain with a blue butterfly pendant. Opening the card she read:

To my muse who forever inspires me,  
To my wife who forever loves me,  
One year is like a minute in your presence,  
I love you now and forever

  


Inside was also a slip of paper, good for one free tattoo. Max laughed when she read the paper. “You don’t give up on that do you?”

A sly smile slipped onto Chloe’s face as she sipped her coffee. “Give up on the opportunity to brand you as mine forever? I think not!”

Rising from the chair, Max planted herself on Chloe’s lap. She leaned her head on Chloe’s shoulder and held out her hand. The wedding ring on it glittered in the faint light of morning. “Because a band is not enough?”

* * *

“Here’s the tattoo I designed for you, babe.” Chloe slid the paper over to Max. Leaning across the table Max studied it: a beautiful Blue Morpho butterfly. The attention to detail and the blue chosen were both exquisite.

“Shouldn’t this be on you,” she asked.

“Uh-uh,” Chloe said. “I may be the Blue Morhpo, but you are my girl, always and forever. My mark should be on you, so everyone knows: if you mess with Max, you mess with me!”

“Ah, possessive now are we?” Max hid her smile behind her hand.

“You better believe I am! There’s no one else good enough for you!” A smile lit Chloe’s on face as she said that.

“Don’t worry, I already designed one for me.” Chloe placed another paper on the table. A polaroid camera was its design.

“Hmmm, you’re a beautiful butterfly and I’m just a camera.”

“There’s nothing ‘just’ about you, my love. You have moved time and space to make this possible. You once told me that pictures are like little frozen moments of time. I think a camera is a good representation of you.”

Max nodded, her gaze captivated by Chloe. Her wife became so alive when she talked about her designs and their inspiration. It’s one thing that lead to her success as a tattoo artist.

“I want to make one change to it.”

“Ok, shoot.”

“I want them on hearts. To symbolize our love for each other.”

“Done!”

* * *

“Happy second anniversary!”

“No fair! I wanted to make breakfast for you!”

“You snooze! You lose!”

Chloe turned from the stove as she said that to flash Max a smile. When her back turned again, Max slipped behind her and wrapped her arms around her wife.

“Two years,” she said as her face pressed against Chloe’s back. “It went so quickly.”

“I’m hoping for two hundred more!”

“Ugh, then we’d be old and wrinkly and probably have no teeth!”

“Make it easier to eat you.”

“The only thing I want to eat right now is-”

“Me?”

“Hmph, maybe, but I’m actually hungry.”

Stepping away from Chloe, Max looked fondly at her. Three years together, two of them as a married couple. The happiest years of her life.

* * *

“What would you think of having kids?”

“What, do you mean like adopting, or one of us getting pregnant?”

“Ooh! You’d be hella cute pregnant!”

“Don’t put your hands there while you’re trying to have a serious conversation!”

“You say that, but you smile and I saw that look in your eye.”

“Ok, yes, I like it when …”

* * *

Hands slipped around her waist, tickling her belly. Giggling, Max said, “stop that before I burn your eggs!”

“As if you really want me to stop,” Chloe said softly as her lips did magical things to her neck.

Doing her best to finish the eggs while Chloe did her best to distract her, Max finally turned off the burner. She turned in Chloe’s arms, feeling her wife’s hands slip into her robe as she did. Circling Chloe’s neck with her arms, she said, “You know I don’t have time for that. I have to leave for work in 30 minutes.”

Chloe grinned at her, bending down to kiss her wife. Her hands were doing things to Max that they both delighted in. Max was squirming against her and even moaned a little in the kiss.

With a frustrated noise, Max pushed her away. Chloe’s face was flushed, as was Max’s. “Don’t,” Max said, “that’s not fair!” Chloe gave a playful growl at her words.

“What are your plans today, while I’m at work,” Max said in an attempt to rein in her wife.

Chloe pouted a little at the topic change. “Well, I borrowed that drum kit from Stephan. I thought I could try beating Dark Souls with it.”

“You and that game,” Max said. Laughter was in her voice now and she playfully slapped Chloe’s arm. “Now go to the table so I can bring your breakfast.”

* * *

Max fell to her knees as the flames around her flared higher. The air was dry and hot, evaporating her tears before they could fall. Over and over she cried Chloe’s name as the apartment building burned. It was all her fault. It was always her fault. How many times must she destroy peoples lives? How many times must she make people suffer? Why couldn’t she learn?

She had to reset this, all of this. No more would she allow herself to get close to Chloe. No more would she allow this to happen. She vowed to reset the timeline the moment she and Chloe came together again. Better that she sacrifice her own happiness, her own needs, than to visit such suffering on others. She steeled herself to do the reset.

But she hesitated. Maybe Chloe wasn’t in the building? Maybe she got out? Her fingers absently rubbed the tattoo on her wrist. She had to wait. She had to give Chloe a chance.

* * *

She walked through the ruins of their apartment building. The area was still hot from the recent fire. In some places the city was still burning. The devestation was on all the news channels and relief crews were flooding into the city.

She paused by the twisted remains of the freight elevator. No longer would it move passengers or freight in its noisy, smelly way. Its beautiful metal works were twisted into arcane shapes by the fire.

There were other ruins, other remains that she turned a blind eye to. She couldn’t see them, couldn’t let them into her mind.

The damage was too complete for there to be any survivors. The wreckage too deep and dangerous to search through. She looked in the direction where their apartment had been, several floors up. Burnt brick walls, twisted metal joists, pipes and wires were all she could see. Ash and wreckage from drywall and wood floors were everywhere.

Unbidden to her mind came the memory only a few weeks old. That marvelous night when Chloe took care of her. She remembered the soft, sure touch of Chloe’s fingers as they worked out the stress and anxiety from her neck and shoulders.

How sad she had been, thinking that she had ruined Chloe’s night by being four hours late. How little she knew Chloe, who had done those silly little things to make that night special. The gem stone path, the candles, the hot bath waiting for her. Those gifts…forever gone. Just like her wife.

She knew. Deny it as much as wanted. Scream her defiance at the universe. That didn’t change a damned thing. Her wife was dead. Her life was dead.

With a heart so heavy it felt like it would pull her to the center of the earth, Max turned and left the ruins. Never again.

* * *

It wanted to rain. Well, Max wanted it to rain. The fact it was sunny was another stab to her heart. The grave, freshly covered, loomed before her. Another failure. Another selfish endeavor to bring happiness to herself.

Kneeling she let her fingers trace the letters on the headstone: Chloe Elizabeth Price-Caulfield - My Captain, My Wife.

She placed the flowers before it. All her tears were gone. All her happiness was gone. With happiness went hope and all good things.

She had chosen this so many lifetimes ago, but not really understood the choice. Her real choice was eternal loneliness. Why the universe seemed to want that for her, she no longer cared. It didn’t matter. She didn’t matter.

She tamped down the feelings that welled in her heart, that wanted to spill out and overflow and flood her and everything around her. As an empty person, without life and joy and happiness, she rose. All that was in the ground at her feet. Her future was the darkness that replaced it.

Reset.

* * *

How long Chloe lay on the ground by the lighthouse, she didn’t know. All she knew was that the immense pain of heart that flowed through her with those memories was greater than anything she’d ever experienced.

Her heart felt dead inside, even as it raced from the experience. Breathing was difficult, like something was squeezing her throat and chest. It ached, everything ached. The emotional pain seemed without end.

Weakly, she turned over. Even the chill wind she couldn’t feel. It was starting to snow. She tried to climb to her feet, but only made it to her knees. That was when she noticed she was alone. Max was gone.

Crawling to the lighthouse, she used it to help stand. She looked around, then stumbled away from the lighthouse. The snow was coming thick now. Halfway to the trees she stopped and turned around, examining the ground.

“Max,” she shouted. Her hands gripped her head as she spun around and around. “Max!”


	15. Chapter 15

Over and over Chloe cried Max’s name. The only answer was the wind and the soft snow, which was quickly filling in any tracks. As if she could follow them anyway. She was a computer programmer, not a tracker.

With a darkness inside that killed any happy thought, she slipped and slid down the path. Dirty, soaked and freezing she fell against her dad’s car. Max wasn’t here either. Getting in, she started the car and blasted the heat.

Taking off her gloves, she threw them to the floor and held her hands in front of the vents. Once they were warm, she fished out her phone. 4:30 AM. She’d been out there for more than an hour. What was that memory?

She knew what it was: the life Max had lost. Shaking her head as if she could cast out that thought, she unlocked her phone and tried calling Max. There was no answer. As much as her gut had told her that would happen, she had hoped Max would answer.

Slamming her hand against the steering wheel in frustration, she looked around. Where would Max go? That darkness inside was getting denser and dragging her toward something.

Junkyard.

Worried and scared, she dialed Steph. Answer, answer, answer, please answer! Just before the call went to voicemail Steph answered.

“Steph!You’vegottohelpme!Maxdisappeared!”

“Whu…what time is it,” came the groggy response. Chloe sight blurred and she closed her eyes tightly.

With great effort she slowed down her speech. Now it quavered and tore. “Max is gone!”

“What! Where are you?”

“I’m at the beach parking lot.”

“Who are you talking to at this hour?”

Rachel. Seems the reconciliation was going well.

Steph’s voice went distant as she said, “It’s Chloe, she needs help.” Her voice was loud again then. “Give us a few minutes and we’ll be there. Don’t go anywhere.”

She tried calling Max again and again and again. No answer each time. There was no response to her texts either. Her words about overly attached girlfriend from a few weeks ago came back and she thrust them angrily from her mind.

Fear coursed through her veins. She was scared in a way she couldn’t remember being. That devastating pain of heart she’d experienced in those memories. Max hadn’t let on just how extensive and soul crushing it was. Her sight was bleary again and her head was banging against the steering wheel.

It was all she could do to stay in the car, and stay in place. She wanted to tear from the lot and scream through the streets looking for Max. She wanted to destroy everything around her until she found her.

Junkyard.

Lights shone next to her and she was out of the car before she realized it. Her feet paced back and forth as she waited for the other girls. Hands grabbed her shoulders, stilling her movement.

“Chloe!” Steph was looking straight at her, face but a breath away. One look at her and Steph took her in her arms. “What happened?”

“I-I don’t know! I woke up and she was gone and I knew she was here so I came and she was at the lighthouse and I grabbed her and we shared one of those memories and SHIT Steph it was the most devastating thing I’ve ever experienced and then she was gone and I couldn’t find her she was gone she was gone she was gone-”

“Chloe!” Steph’s voice was loud, cutting through her rambling. Next to her stood Rachel, arms wrapped around herself. “How long has she been gone?”

“I don’t know, at least twenty minutes.”

“Well, she can’t have gone far. Look, you’re in no shape to drive. Rachel, you take my car and I’ll drive hers.” In a few moments Steph had outlined a search pattern. Chloe was gripping her hands into fists and pacing again.

Taking her by the arm, Steph led her to the car. “We’ll find her, Chloe,” She said softly. Getting into the passenger seat, Chloe shut the door and put on her seat belt. Then immediately tried calling Max again.

Rachel was already out of the lot by the time Steph was in the car. Turning out of the lot, she began slowly driving their part of the town. “Do you want to talk about it,” Steph said as she scanned the street.

“I-I…Steph…she and I…another Chloe were married! They’d been together three years before something happened.”

“Shit.”

“The love they had for each other…I could feel it, Steph! It was the deepest, most pure, most wonderful thing I’ve ever felt. And then the utter opposite when her Chloe died.” Chloe’s hands tightened again and she felt something trying to rise out of her chest.

“The pain in her heart, I don’t know how she even lives! It hurts so much!”

Steph glanced at her. “She lives because of you. That’s pretty clear. I’ve seen how she looks at you. And when you touch her…honestly I’m a little jealous. No one has ever looked like she does when I touch them.”

Junkyard.

Chloe looked down at her phone. Max had not called or texted. “Things are better between you and Rachel,” she said. She needed a delaying tactic before she tore herself apart with worry.

“Better, it’s probably a little too soon for that.”

“She was in your bed though.”

“Yeah she was. Let’s say we’ve started the healing.”

“Is it sincere?”

“I certainly hope so. She’s willing to leave LA.”

“What! But her dreams?”

“Crashed into reality. She’s a pretty girl, and skilled, but the area is flooded with people just like her. Without connections she’ll work dead-end jobs for years before she lands a good role. And with the mess caused by Weinstein…there’s way too much attention and stress placed on how young women enter the industry now. That part’s a good thing of course, it just makes things harder for everyone trying to get a start.”

Steph slowed to a stop and rolled down the window. Hope began rising in Chloe as Steph stared into the darkness. With a sigh, Steph closed the window and began driving again. The darkness thickened inside Chloe.

They continued in silence a while. No calls or texts came. “That’s what caused her to re-examine her life. She told me that as exciting as those dreams were, they didn’t mean anything without someone by her side.

“The last few months she began missing me. She contacted my parents to try to get ahold of me. They wouldn’t tell her how. They didn’t tell me about her calling either, which I’m a bit mad about. We could’ve started this months ago.

“They did tell her I’d be home for Thanksgiving so she decided to take a chance.”

Lights flared at the other end of the street. In a few moments they pulled along side Rachel. “No sign of her,” Rachel said. Steph acknowledged the same.

Junkyard.

Looking one more time at her phone, Chloe said, “we haven’t looked in the junkyard yet.”

“No, we haven’t,” Steph said, looking at her.

“Why would she go to the junkyard,” Rachel asked. Chloe shrugged her shoulders.

“Let’s just say I have a feeling. I’d rather we try it before giving up.”

“Or we could call the cops and let them look. We probably should have done that first.”

“No!” Her insistence surprised Chloe even as she said the word. The other girls looked her also surprised. “I’ve got to find her! Not the cops…I can’t explain it. Can we please just go there?”

“Yeah,” Steph said slowly. “See you there.” The last she said out the window before rolling it up. The drive was in silence, with Chloe looking nervously out the window.

They rolled into the junkyard and Chloe was out of the car before it came to stop. There was something pushing her, or maybe pulling her. Without stopping to see if Steph or Rachel were following she ran among the stacks of junk.

Ahead she saw what was pulling her, a square shape among the heaps. Drawing close she saw a lighter rectangle in the wall, a door. Slowing to a walk, she entered and immediately rushed to a shape huddled against a pile of chairs.

With a great cry, she fell on Max pulling her close. Her girlfriend was shivering and was cold, oh so cold! “Max!” No response. She pulled Max onto her lap. The silly girl was wearing only a t-shirt and jeans.

Steph and Rachel crowded into the little building. “Help me, please,” Chloe begged as she struggled to get her coat off.

“We need to get her somewhere warm,” Rachel said as she and Steph knelt by her side. Tearing her coat off, Chloe wrapped Max in it. Cold immediately numbed her to the bone and her teeth chattered loudly. Not caring, she put her beanie and gloves on Max.

“Help me get her to the car,” she said through chattering teeth.

The three girls were able to easily carry Max. The going was slow and hard. Patches of ice hid below the snow and more than once one of them slipped. At last they made it to the cars. Chloe opened the rear door on her dad’s car and crawled in. “Hand her to me,” she said as she turned around.

They managed to wrestle Max into the car. The girl didn’t make a sound or stir the entire time. Shutting the door, Steph was in the front seat a moment later. Once the car was on, with the heat blasting again, Steph looked back. “Hospital or your house?”

Chloe was busy pulling off her shirt. “My house.” Without question, Steph put the car in gear and began moving. Taking the coat off Max, Chloe hesitated a moment before pulling her shirt off also. Pulling Max onto her lap she wrapped her arms and coat around them.

She did her best to ignore how cold Max was. There was a slight blueing to her lips, which concerned her, but it was faint. Her body was still generating heat, as shown by the strong shivering. She rubbed her hands over Max’s back and arms, trying to get her warm. That was when she noticed Max’s left hand was tightly clenched.

Before she could decide if that meant anything, they were back at her house. There were some lights on. Her parents were awake. Cursing softly, she reached over and opened the door.

Putting the coat back on Max, she helped get her out of the car. “Up to my room,” She said as her teeth tried to break themselves with their chattering. She grabbed the discarded clothes from the back seat, closed the door, and followed the girls into the house.

Her mom was in the kitchen and called out a greeting and questions as they entered. “No time, mom,” Chloe said as they started carrying Max upstairs.

Joyce poked her head into the hall. “And just what do you-what happened?”

“Keep going,” Chloe urged, ignoring her mom. They carried her into the room where Chloe pulled back the blanket and sheet. Steph and Rachel placed her in the bed while Chloe pulled off her pants.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to get in bed with her. She needs a heater right now.”

“Shouldn’t you get her to the hospital or a doctor instead?”

“There’s no time for that! I need to help her now!” Chloe was doing her best not to let the fear she had control her, but it was pushing her words and actions into new territories.

Mumbling an apology, she stepped to the bed and took the coat and jeans off Max. Throwing them on the floor, she climbed into bed and pulled the blankets over them. She wrapped her arms around Max and pulled her close, ignoring the coldness.

“What is going on,” Joyce said as she stepped into the room.

“A bit of an accident,” Steph said. “Chloe and Max were out walking and Max slipped.”

“This early in the morning? Oh the poor dear! Is she ok?”

“We think so, but Max fell into some water and we were scared she’d get hypothermia.”

“Are you ok, Chloe?”

“Yeah, mom, I think we’re doing ok. Max is already getting warm.”

“Good. Girls, let’s go downstairs. You can help me make them some soup and clean up.”

Joyce pulled Steph and Rachel from the room, already making plans for how they’d help her with chores. Chloe ignored them, focusing everything on the girl next to her.

Gently, she moved Max to be on top of her. She held her close and tried not to think about anything. She certainly tried not to think about what happened, or the fear residing in her heart. To imagine this girl carried a weight so immense was unfair. What warranted such cruelty?

Thankfully through all this Max’s breathing was regular and she had a steady heartbeat. Chloe didn’t suspect hypothermia, but like with the tracking, she didn’t have enough knowledge to make a guess. Everything she was doing was spurred by fear.

They lay together a long time. She heard her dad moving around, getting ready for work. After a while the upstairs became silent, and Chloe found her eyes drooping. She tried to stay awake, to no avail.

She awoke some time later. Max had slid off her and was lying on her side. Gingerly she touched various safe parts of Max. Warm skin met her touch in each location. She let out a long breath, hitched by a sob.

Instead of giving more thought to those memories, Chloe turned her attention to something else. How had she known where Max was? Both times she knew exactly where Max was. It was like a voice telling her what she needed to know.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Max stirring. She turned in order to face her just before Max’s eyes opened. What she saw in those eyes made something inside her sink. There was no life, no spark in those blue depths.

Reaching up, Chloe touched Max near her chin. “Good morning,” she whispered. Max didn’t say anything, just looked at her with her dead eyes. Moving her fingers to stroke through the hair at her temple, she said, “How are you?”

Again, Max didn’t say anything. “Talk to me, please?” Instead of saying anything, Max turned away from her. A pain shot through Chloe at that. Biting back anything that might leak out, she reached out to Max.

Before she could touch her, Max sat up and got out of bed. “What? Max, what are you doing?”

Silently, Max went to her bag and dug out some clothes and left the room. She didn’t even try to cover herself. Choking back something, Chloe threw the covers off and ran from the room. The bathroom door was closed and locked.

The shower was already running and Max didn’t answer her knocking. “Is Max better,” Joyce called up the stairs.

“Yes,” she said hesitantly. She’s better, but she’s not. Returning to her room she hurriedly changed into clean clothes, then sat on the bed to wait. When Max entered again she ignored Chloe. She dumped her dirty clothes on her bag and left the room.

This time she managed to catch Max before she went downstairs. Bending down to peer into Max’s eyes, she said, “Max…please? Talk to me.” She stood there mutely. Gritting her teeth, she took Max’s arm and walked downstairs with her.

It was like that all day. Max operated on autopilot, without speaking. She ate and drank when asked, otherwise she sat on the couch all day staring into space. Steph and Rachel had left earlier, after Max was safe in bed.

Her behavior ate at Chloe. There was no denying she was responding to the horrible memories dredged up. Chloe couldn’t hold it against her, no matter how much it hurt. Because of sharing the memories she could dimly understand what Max felt. Knowing that she had lived with that pain everyday, and imagining how intense it had to be in her presence, tore at her mind and heart.

That night in bed, she took Max in her arms. The girl lay there limp, no response. She didn’t hold Chloe’s hand to her heart like she usually did. After that memory, she knew it’s what Max did when they were married and that hurt.

Morning came, their last day, and it was much as the day before. Max moved on autopilot. There was slight improvement in that she answered with simple, one word responses. Like her eyes, there was no life in her voice and it broke Chloe’s heart.

Understandably, Joyce and William were very concerned. That hurt as well because Chloe couldn’t explain what was happening to her parents, whom she loved. She did her best to explain that Max had been going through a hardship, but she couldn’t give any real details.

Around noon, Chloe resolved to take Max home. Get her away from Arcadia Bay and whatever had triggered that memory and this behavior. Maybe that would help her heal.

Texting her intent to Steph, she went up to their room and packed their bags. Steph replied saying she’d drop the car off. She and Rachel would drive to Portland together later. Chloe shook her head at the message. Her life was starting to spiral down and Steph’s was climbing. She was happy for her, but it was dragged down by what was happening with Max.

When Steph dropped off the car, she came in to check on Max. Chloe could tell by the way Steph moved, and the undercurrents in her voice that she was also concerned about Max. That had to be fighting against the surge from reconnecting with Rachel.

Taking Max and their bags to the car, she helped Max in and threw the bags into the back seat. Returning to the house, she hugged her parents goodbye. “Chloe,” Joyce said, “if you need help with her, you call.”

“That’s right,” William said. “We can tell how much she means to you. That makes her important to us as well. Don’t question it. If you need help, call us.”

Fighting tears that wanted to come at their words, she threw her arms around both of them and held them tight. “Thank you,” she said hoarsely. She held them a while, gave a final squeeze, then stepped away. Giving them a wan smile, she got in the car and started it.

The trip to Portland was quiet. Chloe tried conversation, with no response. She put her hand on Max’s knee. She didn’t touch her. She made jokes that normally would at least get a groan. Silence was the response.

Some hours later she stopped the car on the street in front of Max’s apartment. She intended to stay here with Max instead of returning to her place. Leaning her head against the steering wheel a moment, she tried to clear her mind. When she looked up Max was gone!

Something grabbed her heart and squeezed. Glancing in the back seat she saw Max’s bag was gone. How? Hurriedly she got out and rushed up to the door. She still had a key to the door. Pulling it from her pocket, she went to put it in the lock and felt it jerk in her hand.

When she looked down she found she was no longer holding the key to Max’s apartment. Instead she was holding the key to her own apartment. Everything emptied from her mind and heart as she stared at that key.

“Max,” she cried and began beating on the door. “Why, Max? Why? Let me in!”

No amount of pounding and calling brought Max to the door. Anger surged through her at how she was being treated. Dashing hot tears from her face, she trudged down the stairs. Her shoulders slumped. At the bottom she pulled out her phone and sent a text.

“Chloe: I love you Max. Please let me in!”

Turning she looked up at the door. Nothing happened. There was no lights or signs of life inside. Thrusting the phone into her pocket, and almost tearing the pocket in the process, she went back to the car.

She didn’t know how she got home without something happening. All she knew is that somehow she was in her bedroom staring at the wall. The anger and pain and sadness had all drained away. What was left was a great emptiness. That place where joy used to reside no longer sang.

Somehow she fell asleep, still clothed. If she dreamed or had nightmares, there was no recollection in the morning. She found herself at work. People talked to her, but it was like they were at a great distance. Their lips moved but no words could be heard.

She stared at the cursor blinking next to an open paren for hours. Her stomach growled. Maybe Max would be at work? That thought spurred a little energy.

Max was not at work. In fact her boss was worried about her. Chloe acted surprised, explaining she thought Max had called her manager to tell her she was sick. By now the whole staff knew the two were dating, so her manager took Chloe’s explanation at face value.

All through the day Chloe sent messages. On her breaks she called her. None were answered. That night she went to Max’s place after work. It was the same as Sunday night. No answer despite her pounding and calling. She was no longer angry, just supremely sad. Tears coursed down her face as she pounded on the door.

The next day was Tuesday, not one of Max’s work days. Again there was no response. She wouldn’t come to the door. Chloe resolved to give Max one more day. If she didn’t respond tomorrow, or come to the door, Chloe would take matters into her own hand.

Wednesday came and it was the same as the last two days. Max wasn’t at work. She didn’t respond to texts or phone calls. When she arrived at Max’s place, again there was no answer to her knocks and cries.

Trudging down the stairs, she crossed over to the house and knocked on its front door. Moments later it opened and an older lady looked up at her. “May I help you,” she said.

Scratching her head, Chloe said, “Yeah…my name is Chloe and-”

“Oh, you’re Max’s girlfriend aren’t you! You two make such a cute couple! Won’t you come in?”

“Ummm, sure,” Chloe said and stepped inside.

“You know, I haven’t seen young Max for a few days,” the lady said as she closed the door. “I hope I’m not about to lose a tenant. I really liked her.”

Lose a tenant? Oh! She must be thinking Max was moving in with Chloe. That could work to her advantage. “Well, no, at least not yet,” Chloe said. “Actually I was wondering if you could help me?”

“What do you need dear?”

“Well, I needed to get something for Max from her apartment, but I went off and left the key at my place. I was wondering if you had a spare key I could borrow just for a few moments?”

“Hmmm, yes I do. Give me a moment…” the lady disappeared down the hall. Chloe hoped this would work.

Minutes passed and she could hear the woman elsewhere in the house. She was talking to herself and moving things. Finally, she returned with a key in hand.

Keeping her emotions in check, Chloe thanked the woman profusely. “This will really help,” she said. “I’ll get it back to you really quick.”

Leaving the house she hurried to Max’s door. Unlocking the door she pushed it open and immediately gagged. A great stench came out killing her hopes.

“No, Max, No!” Taking a deep breath, she covered her mouth and nose and entered the apartment. Flicking on the light she saw Max laying on her futon, with it still in a couch position. Her eyes were closed, but Chloe could see her chest rising and falling rapidly.

Crossing to her, Chloe knelt and touched her. Her skin was so dry and her heart was beating rapidly. There were tears in her eyes and not from the stench. Cursing herself for not doing this four days ago, she dug out her phone and called emergency services.

It took everything in Chloe to hold herself together as she spoke to emergency dispatch. They assured her paramedics were on their way. She stayed by Max’s side through the whole conversation, stroking her hair. Once dispatch hung up, she called Steph. That’s when she lost it.

Somehow Steph was able to make sense of whatever she was saying because she said she’d be at Max’s place as soon as possible. Pocketing her phone she turned her full attention to Max.

She didn’t know what to do! She so much wanted to hold her, but didn’t know if that would cause more damage. To keep herself from going crazy, she decided to pack a bag for Max. She was positive they would take her to the hospital and there was no way she’d let Max wear those soiled clothes home.

Max had not unpacked Sunday. Her bag lay by the door. Next to it was her phone, dead. Putting the phone on its charger, Chloe opened the bag and went through it. Most of the clothes were dirty, so she put them in the little hamper behind the curtain. Then she filled the bag with two changes of everything, and the toiletry kit.

In the distance she heard sirens. Returning to Max’s side, she placed a hand on her. “Help is coming, Max,” She said with a broken voice. “Hang on.” Like a few days ago, she noticed Max had her left hand tightly clenched.

Gently, she took Max’s hand and coaxed it open. What she found inside pained her greatly. Putting them into her pocket, she replaced the objects with her hand. “It’s going to be ok,” she said softly, “they’re almost here. Everything’s gonna be alright.” Those words were more for herself than Max.

Heavy feet stomped on the stairs and a knock came from the open door. Turning she found the paramedics at her door. She beckoned them forward.

Steph and Rachel showed up as Max was being loaded into the ambulance. When Steph gave her a hug, she broke down, sobbing and sagging all over her friend.

“Hey,” Steph said, “you did the right thing. Now she’ll get some of the help she needs.”

“They won’t let me ride in the ambulance,” she sobbed, “because I’m not family.”

“Speaking of family, have you told yours or hers?”

“Shit!” That sobered her up quickly. Returning to the apartment, she got Max’s phone. She also found the extra key to the apartment and pocketed it.

Returning to her friends, she said, “Can one of you drive me to the hospital? I don’t think I should be driving.”

“Sure,” Rachel said. “I can take you. Steph are you coming, or going home?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I’m coming!”

They made it to the hospital before the ambulance, which required more waiting. Having Steph and Rachel with her helped a lot. They kept her distracted so she didn’t get consumed with worry. Steph gently encouraged her again to call their parents.

Pulling out Max’s phone, she tried to unlock it but it required a code. What would Max use as a code? She tried Max’s birthday, but that didn’t work. Her next guess was her own birthday and surprise, surprise, that unlocked the phone.

She needed to let Max’s parents know what was happening. There were so few names in her address book it was easy to find them. She fought back the sadness at realizing just how lonely Max’s life had been when she saw the fewer than a dozen entries that comprised her contacts list.

Should she text from her phone, or Max’s? She’d probably get a quicker response if she used Max’s. Using her own family as a guide she decided to text her dad first. Did he know his daughter had a girlfriend? Did he know she was interested in girls?

“Max: hi, this is Max’s friend Chloe. Your daughter is in the hospital with severe dehydration and malnourishment. She should be fine in a few days.”

Ugh, she was not happy with that message but she sent it anyway. Making a snap decision, she sent a quick message to Max’s boss about her being admitted to the hospital. With her phone she sent an email to her boss, letting him know there was a family emergency requiring her to be out of the office for a few days.

Right when she sent the message Max’s phone rang. Ryan Caulfield. She looked at the screen a few moments. What would she say to him?

Touching the answer button, she brought the phone to her face.

“H-Hi, this is Max’s phone.”

“Is this Chloe? This is Max’s dad, Ryan. What can you tell me?”

“Well, sir, I don’t know yet. I’m at the hospital waiting for the ambulance to arrive.”

“How did this happen?”

Your daughter is so heartbroken she stopped caring about living. “I…I’m not entirely sure, Mr. Caulfield,” she said and she couldn’t keep the tremor from her voice. “She stopped responding to my texts on Sunday. I went by a few times to check on her but she never answered. Tonight I managed to get her landlady to let me in and I found her in a mess on her couch.”

For a few long moments Ryan didn’t say anything. “Ok. Which hospital are you in? What’s her floor and room number?” Chloe gave him the requested information. “We’ll be there in a few hours.”

“Ok, see you then.”

Pocketing Max’s phone, she looked again at her own. There was one more call she needed to make.

“Dad?”

“Yes, sailor?”

“Max…got worse.”

“Oh no! What’s going on? Where are you?”

Chloe gave them a quick run down. “Just hang tight, dear, I’m going to get your mom then we’ll be on our way.”

“You don’t need to-”

“Yes we do. I can hear it in your voice. We’ll be there in a few hours.”

“Th-thanks, dad.”

“Anything for my little pirate.”

Swallowing a lump, Chloe said goodbye and ended the call. Two sets of parents coming here. Meeting for the first time. Neither aware of each other. All because she hadn’t done the proper thing on Sunday.

“I’m sorry, Max,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I failed you.”

A little over an hour later, Chloe was beside Max in a small room. Dehydration, minor malnourishment and a few other things were in her diagnosis. She would be kept overnight, at least. Right now she was in a holding area while a longer term room was made ready.

She sat, her hand holding Max’s. Seeing the monitoring equipment and IV hooked up to Max did not help at all. The doctor and nurses had assured her that no long term damage should arise. They were confident Max would be home before the start of the week.

Steph and Rachel were in a waiting area because the room was too small. Chloe bowed her head, resting it on their joined hands. She should have taken Max to the hospital once they found her at the junkyard. Why hadn’t she?

She sat like that until it was time to move Max to another room. Picking up the bags, she found Steph and Rachel to tell them what was happening. Hand in hand, they followed Max’s bed to the new room. This room was spacious with spots for two beds. The other bed was empty. Chloe set the bags by a chair and seated herself.

A few minutes later a nurse came in to check Max and provide a status update. She told Chloe the chair she was in folded out into a bed.

“Do you want us to stay with you,” Steph asked.

Shaking her head, Chloe said, “Could you stay until my parents get here?”

“Sure, not a problem.” Both girls gave Chloe a hug.

Unexpectedly, her parents made it first. She cried with relief when they came in. They took her in their arms and held her. While she was crying all over them, two more people entered. They glanced at the three of them in a loud hug, to Steph and Rachel, then focused on Max.

Letting go of her parents, Chloe wiped her face quickly and stepped forward. “Hi,” she said weakly, “I’m Chloe.”

“I’m Ryan,” said the man. He was taller than Chloe or William, with a well tended beard and kindly eyes. “This is my wife Vanessa. You must be Chloe?” It was more of a statement than a question. She nodded and he studied her for a moment. Behind him, Vanessa was bending over Max, with her hand on Max’s forehead.

Ryan held out his hand and Chloe took it to shake. To her surprise he pulled her into a hug. It was brief, but companionable. When he let her go he said, “Sorry about that, I should have asked. Thank you for helping my daughter.”

Next he greeted William and Joyce and spoke to them. Chloe went to Max’s side, taking up her hand again. Vanessa looked up at her approach. Her eyes flicked quickly to the joined hands then to Chloe’s eyes. “Thank you,” she said in a throaty voice.

Steph touched Chloe then. “Hey, do you mind if we take off. It’s getting crowded in here.”

Chloe shook her head. “Thank you for helping.”

“If you need anything, you call.”

Chloe nodded. Both girls gave her a hug and left.

“Your daughter’s an amazing woman,” Chloe said. She didn’t really know what to say. Max seldom spoke about her parents.

“I…wouldn’t know,” Vanessa said. The nurse brought in some chairs just then and Vanessa and Ryan seated themselves by the bed. Chloe’s parents stood behind her.

“What do you mean,” Chloe said.

Looking at her daughter, fingers stroking hair away from her eyes, Vanessa said, “we haven’t seen her much the past five years.” Next to her, Ryan took up Max’s hand.

“She came home from school one day, went to her room and just…withdrew from the world,” Ryan said as he stroked her hand.

Chloe could guess why. Her eyes returned to Max, studying her sleeping form. Did she realize what she was giving up when she made that choice? Could anyone?

“Hey sailor,” William said, “are you hungry? Do you need anything?”

Tearing herself from the contemplation, Chloe looked up at her dad. “I could do with some dinner.”

“What about you two,” William said to the Caulfields, “do you need anything?” The Caulfields looked at each other.

“I’ll go with you,” said Ryan. William nodded and the two left.

The three stayed in silence a while, grouped around Max with only the whir of instruments breaking the silence. Joyce’s hands were on Chloe’s shoulders, giving little squeezes of affection. “We didn’t even know she was living in Portland,” Vanessa said. Her words were quiet, almost as if she was talking to herself. Her eyes stayed focused on Max’s sleeping face.

“We didn’t know if she was alive, dead, married, had a job…nothing.”

Chloe’s vision was becoming blurry as Vanessa spoke. Oh, Max! What have you done to your life? All this, just to give me a chance at happiness? I’m not worth that.

Reaching across to Vanessa, Chloe touched her arm. “Would you like to know more about your daughter?”

Vanessa looked her, tears streaking one side of her face. All she did was nod. Chloe wished she had more than a month’s worth of knowledge to share with her. With the little information she had, Chloe wove a tale of a successful student with a promising career. Anything about time control, their hidden past, or anything similar she kept locked away.

Silence descended upon her conclusion. A few moments later the dads returned, followed by a nurse to check on Max. Food was divvied up, Max’s state was checked and recorded. The nurse left to the sounds of crinkling fast food wrappers and eating.

“How long have you known my daughter,” Ryan asked before biting into his burger.

For all her life and many of mine. “Only since early October.”

“You’re more than friends with Max, aren’t you,” Vanessa asked. She was only picking at her food. Her eyes stayed locked on the meal on her lap.

“Why do you ask?”

That made Vanessa look up. “You called your parents to come be with you while you watched over her. You were crying when we came in. You got tears in your eyes when I said we haven’t seen Max in five years. Your friends left but you stayed.”

“We’ve been dating for a few weeks.” Chloe looked at Max as she said this, hoping she would wake up. Of course, she didn’t. Squeezing Max’s hand, she looked again at Ryan and Vanessa. “This is all my fault.”

“No it’s not, dear,” Joyce said from behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“What do you mean,” Ryan asked at the same time.

“Max…wasn’t feeling well on Sunday. I should have taken her to the hospital then, but she…” How could she explain what Max did? “She didn’t let me. She locked me out and I…I didn’t try hard enough to get back in…so I waited, gave her time. But she wouldn’t respond.

“I tried every day and every night until I had enough. When I finally got in and found her…” She couldn’t go on after that. Her head rested against the side rail of the bed. Right now she wished she had the remind. She would rewind and undo this.

A hand touched hers, the one holding Max. “She locked us out of her life,” Vanessa said. “She let you in…until she couldn’t anymore. Don’t blame yourself.” Chloe smiled at that, because that’s what they expected. It’s not what she felt though.

“You need to eat,” Joyce said quietly. “If you don’t take care of yourself, how will you take care of her?”

Damn you mom! She unwrapped her burger and ate it one handed. Her eyes stayed locked on Max the entire time, willing her to be better. Among the chaotic thoughts going through mind right now was what to do once Max was released for the hospital. That she would be released Chloe had no doubt.

She wasn’t sure if she wanted Max living on her own, at least for a while. With what her parents said and her behavior this week she was concerned that Max would return to the hospital if left on her own. That meant she’d either need to have Max move in with her, or the other way around. With Steph and Rachel together again, it’d be better if she stayed with Max. At least for a while.

Finishing her burger, she wadded the wrapper into a ball and placed it into the bag. Turning to face her parents, which was awkward with holding Max’s hand, she said, “You don’t need to stay here tonight. You can crash at my place.”

“What about you, sailor,” her dad said.

She smiled. “I’m not going anywhere until Max is awake.” Ryan and Vanessa stirred at that. “I’m serious. I already told my boss I won’t be at work for a few days.”

There was further discussion about motels, who was staying where and similar things. Chloe tuned it all out. Max was the only thing that mattered. As long as Max was here, Chloe would be here.

At one point, after the parents figured out who was staying where, William took Chloe aside. He had some words of support to give, and he gave her some advice on Max’s parents. “Be gentle with them,” he said, “they are scared for their daughter and hurt by her.”

Instead of doing the typical, “I know” response that came so readily to mind, Chloe pushed it away. “Thanks,” she said, “I’ll be careful.”

“I know you will,” he said with a smile. “We’ll stay here a little longer, but soon I’ll need to get your mom to a good bed. She’s got second shift again tomorrow. I need to get her home by then.”

Nodding, she gave her dad a warm hug and returned to her seat.

Taking up Max’s hand again, she gave it a squeeze. Her eyes turned toward Vanessa. “When Max is better,” she said, “I’ll make sure she visits you.”

A sad smile touched Vanessa. “I appreciate that,” she said, “but don’t promise what you can’t control.”

Fighting an impulse to disagree, she said, “Good point. Max is a bit strong willed about some things. What I can do is arrange for you to come visit me. Max will just happen to be there.”

“Don’t hurt your relationship with her just for us,” Ryan said.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Chloe said. “But I think it’s important to get you back in her life. Max has…well she has pushed everyone away. She needs us now more than ever.”

They continued speaking in low tones. Ryan and Vanessa continued to think of questions to ask about Max. Joy and William gave Chloe support and got to know the Caulfields a little. Chloe mostly paid attention to Max, whose condition remained largely the same.

Late in the night, when her parents were gone and the Caulfields were asleep, Chloe couldn’t take it anymore. She’d given the fold out bed to Vanessa, who was currently snoring on it. Ryan was against the far wall, sitting with a cabinet to his side holding him up. Chloe climbed into bed with Max and held her.

It was really awkward and uncomfortable. The bed was narrow, barely wide enough for one person. She had to take care not to pull any of the wires or tubes connecting Max to the machines. But at the end she was holding Max, her arms around her and her chin resting on Max’s shoulder.

“You’re my butterfly,” Chloe whispered. “Wrapped in a cocoon of pain. Please come out. I need you to come out, so I can see the beauty you’re hiding.”


	16. Chapter 16

Max was in the hospital for two days. Thursday mid-morning the Price’s left after a long goodbye to Chloe. Max remained in stable condition, her body accepting the fluids and nutrition provided by the IVs. The Caulfields stayed with Chloe, watching over Max in shifts, waiting for her to awaken.

During the evening, Steph and Rachel came for a few hours. They brought Chloe her favorite food. Things were going well for the two. They were healing. Like Steph said before, it would be a slow process, but it was on its way.

Late that night, Max finally opened her eyes. Chloe was holding her hand, studying her face as she thought about what her next days might be like. When Max opened her eyes in the dim light of the hospital room it took Chloe a moment to realize it.

A little excitement shot through Chloe when she saw she was awake. “Hey,” she said as she reached up to touch Max. Max turned her eyes on her, still lifeless.

“Hey,” Max said in her flat voice.

Tamping down any hurt or negative feelings, Chloe smiled as bravely as she could. “I’m glad you’re back.” A soft smile adorned Max’s mouth and Chloe had to choke back a sob of happiness.

“Your mom and dad are here.”

“Oh.” Max’s eyes turned away from her.

“I-I have to call a nurse. I’m supposed to alert them as soon as you wake up…”

“You took me to a hospital?”

“I had to. You needed help and I…I couldn’t give it.”

Max offered no comment on that. Instead she looked at the monitors and tubes attached to her. Her left hand raised and she stared at it awhile. “Where’s…”

Reaching across, Chloe touched her. “I have them. When you’re ready, I’ll give them back to you.” Max nodded her head and let her hand fall. She kept her face looking in another direction. Deciding on her own course, Chloe leaned over and kissed Max’s forehead. After that she went to the nurse’s station to inform them Max was awake.

The nurses performed their routine checks, and asked Max some questions. Her parents slept through the entire ordeal. About thirty minutes later, the nurses left, until their next check in two hours.

Several minutes after they left, Max looked at Chloe. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For not giving up on me.”

“You’ll need to do worse than that to make me give up on you. That’s not a challenge by the way.” Her words made Max smile.

Moving the wires and other things, Chloe climbed into bed next to Max, who moved over to make room. “How long have I been here,” Max said.

“This is the second night.” Chloe placed her arm across Max as she said that. Lifting her arm, Max took Chloe’s hand in hers. Placing a kiss on the back of it, she held Chloe’s hand to her heart. Chloe’s sight got a little blurry as she did that.

“It hurt so much,” Max said, her voice so quiet the whir of the instruments almost drowned it.

“The love you have for her,” Chloe said, “is very deep. I…felt it, your love and the pain.” She kissed Max on the cheek. “And it’s still in me. Every time I touch your necklace…it reminds me.”

Turning her head to look at Chloe, Max said, “I’m sorry for doing that to you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“You shouldn’t carry that pain by yourself. It was killing you!” Bonking her head lightly with her own, Chloe continued, “And right now, you need to let yourself feel loved.”

Tilting her head a little to look into her eyes, Max said, “And how do you suggest I do that?”

“By letting me in.”

For several long moments they looked at each other in the dim light. The whir of monitoring instruments and the soft snores of Max’s parents serenaded them. “Chloe Elizabeth Price! Is this just an elaborate ploy to get into my pants?”

Chloe’s breath caught at her words. “Maybe it is,” she said as the memory came alive for her. Her voice wavered a little. “Or maybe, it’s so my girlfriend is no longer alone.”

Raising her other hand, Max brushed the back of it lightly against Chloe’s cheek. “I’d like that,” she said, “I’d like that very much.”

The rest of the night passed in peace, aside from the periodic checks by the staff. They weren’t too keen on Chloe being in Max’s bed, mainly because it threw off their routines. But it certainly made them smile.

Morning dawned and Chloe blinked awake. As her eyes fluttered open, she felt lips brush hers. “Good morning,” Max said softly.

“Good morning,” Chloe said.

“Did you sleep with me the first night as well?”

“If you can call it sleep.”

“So my parents…know about us?”

“Is that ok?”

“It’s not the way they should have learned…but there’s only one way to change that…and I don’t want to do it.”

“If it helps, they seemed rather cool with it.”

Chloe lightly brushed Max’s hair with her fingers. “You need to talk to them. If not for yourself, for me. They hurt as well and they don’t understand why you locked them out of your life.”

Leaning her head into Chloe’s hand, Max sighed. “What have you told them?”

“Not very much. Really just about the last month or so.” Max didn’t say anything after her response. She moved her cheek against Chloe’s hand.

“Have you been here the whole time?”

“Yeah.”

Chloe let her fingers wander over Max’s face, tracing its outlines. Her skin felt much better than when she found her, soft and smooth again. “Do you want me here when you talk to your parents?”

Looking at her, Max said, “You aren’t going to let this go, are you?”

“These are your parents. They love you.”

“It’s been five years.”

“Then it’s five years overdue.”

Sighing, Max said, “Ok…I’ll make things better with them. If only to get you to stop.” She ended her statement with a smile that Chloe traced with her fingertip.

“Do you need me here when you talk to them?”

“No…I should do it alone.”

“If it helps, tell them I’m the big meanie that kept you away from them.”

At her words, Max looked at her sharply. “What did you say?”

“Tell them I’m the big meanie that kept you away from them.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because I’d rather they be mad at me, then at you.”

“You’re not a big meanie.”

“They don’t know that,” Chloe said with a soft chuckle. After that they fell into silence, Max using the opportunity to snuggle against Chloe. They lay together until the nurses came in with the morning shift change.

The additional commotion and light finally woke the Caulfields. Stretching as they rose, both were cautiously happy that Max was awake. Chloe was now in a chair next to the bed.

“Will you be ok if I leave you alone for a few hours,” Chloe asked.

Clutching her hand tightly, Max said, “where are you going?”

“I’ve been in these clothes for two days. I want to go shower and change. I’ll be back once I’m done.”

Max relaxed, and settled deeper into the bed. “I’ll be ok. Just…don’t be too long?”

“I’ll be as quick as I can.”

Kissing her goodbye, Chloe grabbed her coat, said goodbye to Ryan and Vanessa and left. Shower and clean clothes were only part of her plan.

On her way out of the hospital, she texted Steph that Max was now awake. Steph’s response was immediate, with happy emojis filling Chloe’s screen. Smiling as she locked the phone and slipped it into her pocket, she left the hospital.

Going first to her apartment where she showered and changed, she also packed some bags with clothes.

“I’ll be staying at Max’s for a while,” Chloe said. “You and Rachel will have plenty of alone time without me.”

“How long,” Steph said, looking up from her laptop.

“Don’t know. Just…keep Rachel out of my room. She likes to borrow my clothes which is weird.”

“Eh, she likes your shirts is all. Don’t worry, the only time she’ll be in there is when we’re having sex in your bed.”

“Just wash the sheets if you do.”

“Hey,” Steph said, shutting her laptop and standing. She placed a hand on Chloe’s arm. “That normally gets a snarkier comment. Are you ok?”

“I don’t know…Max is awake. She smiled at me and apologized. But I don’t think the worst is over. That’s why I’m going to stay with her. I’m afraid if I leave her alone…” Chloe turned away, trying not to let those dark thoughts come to life.

“Do you want some help? Rachel’s out looking for work, but I can text her.”

Giving Steph a smile, Chloe said, “Thanks, but I need to do this myself. Believe me, when I need you, I’ll call.”

“Ok. How about this then, the two of you come over for dinner tomorrow night.”

“Let’s make it Sunday night. She won’t have her strength back and I want her to have some recovery time before getting involved with all of us. And that’s assuming she gets released today.”

Looking at the time, Chloe said, “Listen, I gotta go. I need to get Max’s place ready and I told her I wouldn’t be very long.”

Nodding, Steph gave her a quick hug and Chloe left. Dragging her bags to the car, she tossed them in the back while she got in front. Starting the car, she pulled out of the lot and headed to Max’s place.

The first thing she did was open the door and all the windows to air the place out. Max’s favorite snuggly blanket was heavily soiled and she hoped it would clean ok. The mattress and throw pillows she hauled to the curb.

The little washer and dryer would be ok for the sheet and Max’s dirty clothes, but not the blanket. Starting the washer, she shoved the blanket in a trash bag. She cleaned the front room where stuff had spilled onto the floor, as well as the dirt, snow, and ice brought in by the emergency personnel.

Her bags she arranged in the small room so they were out of the way, but easily accessible. Going through the little apartment, she tidied and put things away. She wanted the place to feel welcoming to Max on her return.

All that done, she grabbed the bag with the blanket. She needed to do some shopping, both for groceries and housewares. Locking the door, she left.

Finding the nearest laundromat, she put the blanket in a washer and started it. Her next stop was to replace the futon mattress. The one Max had been using wasn’t very good, but it was all Max could afford when in college. Chloe resolved to find something better for her.

It took visiting three stores, but she found the perfect mattress. They also had pillows, which were harder to select. She wanted everything perfect for Max. Getting the mattress into her little car was tricky, but doable. Returning to the laundromat, she switched the blanket to the dryer, then returned to Max’s apartment where she managed to get the mattress upstairs without hurting herself.

Searching the apartment, which took about ten minutes, she located some scented candles and lit them. Thankfully the removal of the ruined mattress did a lot to cut the stench. The cold breeze from the open windows was helping with the rest. She switched the laundry to the dryer, then made a list of other things that were needed.

She returned to the laundromat and inspected the now dry blanket. There was no sign of staining and the smell was gone. Chloe was thankful for that. She had a feeling replacing this blanket would be hard without Max. The girl was particular when it came to her blankets.

When all was done, it was well past noon and Chloe was exhausted. Staying at the hospital did not afford her much sleep. The nurses checked on Max every two hours. Her parent slept through all of it, but she didn’t. If she stayed still too long, she’d fall asleep.

Blowing out the candles, she shut the windows, locked the door, and left. Hitting up a drive-thru before returning, she downed the sandwich and fries before pulling into the hospital parking lot.

Walking into Max’s room, still sipping from her soda, she found a doctor and nurses around Max, with her parents cautiously hovering. “Chloe,” Max said with relief as she entered.

The doctor and nurses turned to look at her. “You’re the one who’ll function as her caregiver,” the doctor asked.

Lowering the cup, Chloe looked at Max. It seemed she gave the tiniest of nods. Her eyes were wide and pleading. “Yeah,” she said nonchalantly, “I’m her caregiver.”

She saw Max, and her parents, relax at her words. The doctor handed her several sheets of paper and began reviewing instructions. There was no medication needed, but Max was on a strict diet for a few days. Chloe only partially paid attention. She was distracted by Max, who kept shooting looks at her parents and Chloe.

“So, does this mean she’s coming home today,” she said once the doctor stopped speaking.

He looked at her blankly for a few moments. “Yes,” he finally said. “All she needs to do is change. We’ll bring a wheelchair around to take her to the car.”

“Awesome,” she said, accepting the papers. The staff waved goodbye and left the room. Going to the bed, Chloe said, “Great news that you’re coming home!”

Max smiled weakly at her. “Do you have clothes for me,” she said.

“Yeah, hold on a moment.” Chloe put her things on a chair. Stepping over to the other bed, she retrieved the bag holding the clothes. The other bag contained the clothes Max was wearing when Chloe found her. Chloe silently cursed herself for not bringing it with her earlier.

“Here, some clean clothes for you,” she said as she placed the bag on the bed.

Using the side rail, Max pushed herself upright. “I might need some help,” Max said as she swung her legs off the edge.

“With getting to the bathroom,” Chloe asked.

Resting, with part of her weight on the bed, Max said, “That, and changing.”

Vanessa took a step forward and seemed like she wanted to say something, but Max kept speaking. “Would you mind helping me?” She looked directly at Chloe as she spoke.

“Uh…yeah, sure,” Chloe said, suddenly nervous. She kept her gaze fixed on Max, not wanting to look at Vanessa. Helping Max get dressed wasn’t a problem. The circumstances were awkward with her parents here.

“Don’t worry,” Max said as she stood. “I won’t try anything while we’re in there.”

Chloe’s eyes shot to the Caulfields at her comment, but they were looking away. Sliding her arm around Max, taking up much of her weight, they shuffled to the bathroom.

Once inside, it was a slow process getting Max changed. “This is not how I thought I would see you naked the first time,” Chloe said. She was kneeling on the floor, holding a pair of panties open so Max could step into them.

“Me neither,” Max said. She had her hands on Chloe’s shoulders. Leaning forward, she stepped one, then the other foot into the leg holes. Chloe slid them up her legs and around her hips.

Once her pants were on, Max did her bra and shirt on her own. Chloe put her hand on the door handle to open it, but Max stopped her. Slipping her arms around Chloe and almost falling into her, Max leaned against her in a hug. Her weight pushed Chloe into the wall next to the door.

Wrapping her arms around Max, Chloe held her. How long they stayed there didn’t matter. What mattered was that Max was responding again and needing Chloe. Holding her head tight to her chest, Chloe kissed the top.

After some time, Max let go and pushed away. She smiled at her, but her eyes still had that dead look to them. “Ready to go home,” Chloe asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

They opened the door and Chloe led Max out of the restroom. Her parents waited outside, the other bags in hand. After a moment of uncertainty, Chloe said she’d drive Max home and that the Caulfield’s could follow. Ryan nodded at that.

A wheelchair was waiting outside the room. While Max seated herself, Chloe spoke to the orderly to figure out which entrance to use. Once that was known, she left in a hurry, Max’s bags in hand. At her car, she placed the bags in the back, got in, and drove to the entrance. Thankfully her car was still warm from earlier.

Hopping out at the entrance, she opened the door and waited while Max was pushed out. She was slow, but Max was able to get in the car without help. Chloe shut the door and told Ryan she’d wait for them before leaving. Waving to the orderly, she ran around the car and got in.

While they waited, Chloe reached over and put her hand on Max’s. “I’m glad you’re out of there,” she said.

“You and I both,” Max said. She turned her hand and wrapped Chloe’s in hers.

The drive to Max’s apartment went quickly. Unlike before, Chloe pulled into the driveway to get Max close to the stairs. With Ryan’s help, Max made it upstairs and into her apartment without difficulty.

Once inside, Chloe helped Max to the futon. “Why…does it look different,” Max says as she took a seat.

Handing her favorite blanket to her, Chloe said, “I’ll tell you later. Right now I need to move my car and return a key.” She disappeared outside, doing just what she said. The landlady was happy to see her and had all sorts of questions. Chloe did her best to be patient, but finally had to cut the conversation short.

When she returned to the apartment, Vanessa was sitting on the futon and Ryan was leaning against a wall. She glanced at all of them as she closed the door. There was a tension in the room. No one was talking.

“So,” she said as she leaned against the door. “Can I get anyone something to drink?”

Stepping away from the wall, Ryan said, “we should actually be going. Now that Max is home with you, she’ll be ok.” He looked at Chloe and stepped close to her. “Thank you for letting us know,” he said.

“Vanessa?”

Max’s mom didn’t look happy, but she rose and grabbed her purse and coat. Her lips moved, but said nothing as she donned her coat. Stopping by Chloe she said, “Call us if…there’s a change, please?”

“You got it,” Chloe said. A moment later they were gone. She waited by the door until she heard their car start. “Are you hungry?”

“A little,” Max said as she tucked her legs into the blanket. “I could really use some coffee.”

Grabbing the papers the doctor gave her, Chloe scanned them as she entered the kitchen. It looked like soups and similar fare were on the menu for a few days. In the little pantry she found a couple of cans of soup. Opening one she poured its contents into a saucepan on the stove and turned on the heat.

When both the soup and coffee were preparing, she returned to the living room. Taking the bags of Max’s clothes, she put the soiled ones in the washer, turning it on, and put the clean ones away.

The entire time she did these things, Max watched her in silence. “You’re mad at me, aren’t you,” she asked as Chloe returned to the kitchen.

Stopping, with her hand on the saucepan handle, Chloe sighed. “I was at first. Now? Now I’m just hurt.” Checking the sou’s progress, she went into the front room. Max sat with her face scrunched up under the blanket.

“You didn’t want to let me in. For weeks you hid from me just how much emotional pain you live with. I don’t blame you for trying to hide that. If it was me…I don’t know what I’d do. So many times I tried to get you to open up, to share those things with me and you didn’t.

“Then…when it was kind of forced? You tried to shove me out of your life. And using your time power to switch my key? That was mean and it really hurt!” Chloe looked at her picture while she spoke. All those emotions she’d kept at bay were now roiling through her. Keeping her voice calm and neutral was draining her.

“I love you, Max. I think I really do. But it didn’t feel like you really trusted me.” Forcing herself to look at Max, she stepped to the futon and sat next to her.

“Promise me you won’t use your power against me again.”

“I…”

“Max…that made me feel powerless and defenseless against you. It…it scared me…and it undermined my trust in you. Promise me you won’t ever use your power against me again.”

Max looked up, her mouth open and eyes wide. “I’m sorry, Chloe! I…I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

“I know you didn’t. After living that pain for a few moments, and seeing those memories, I understand you were in great pain and weren’t thinking clearly. Please, promise me.”

Grabbing Chloe’s hands, Max pulled them to herself. “Chloe, I don’t want to make you feel that way! I don’t want to hurt you. I promise to never do that again.”

A faint smile touched Chloe’s lips. “Thank you. Like I said, I can kind of understand why acted that way. That doesn’t make it hurt any less. I knew you were suffering from those memories, and the thought that you were locking me out…that fucking hurt.”

“I’m sorry, Chloe, I really am. Instead of ‘dealing’ with my loss, I hid from it. I’ve hid from it for years. When we went to visit Arcadia Bay together last week, too many things started bringing those memories to the surface.

“I was so…naive back then. You saw how happy I was in those memories. I’d had to reset plenty of times before that life. But those times…we’d get together, enjoy a few months and then I’d have to reset. That life…that was years! I thought it was over, that I’d never have to reset again. I ignored the warnings…and it destroyed me.”

Reaching up to trace her fingers across Max’s cheek, Chloe said, “What I saw, I wouldn’t wish on anyone. My heart cries for you and what happened. The fact that you decided to know me, to be part of my life? After seeing those memories…again it’s the most humbling shit I’ve ever experienced. Please? Please don’t push me away. It hurts even more.”

Max dropped her hands and looked away. Chloe took her hand and held it. She slipped her arm around Max and pulled her close.

“I could feel my hold slipping…I didn’t know what would happen if those memories surfaced,” Max continued in a quiet voice. “I didn’t want…I didn’t want you to experience that pain I felt when I lost her. That’s why I went to the lighthouse.

“I thought if I was far away, you wouldn’t feel it. The pain I live with every day. I didn’t want you to look at me with pity.”

She fell silent after those brief words. Chloe thought about what she said. What words could she say?

Letting go of Max’s hand, Chloe slipped hers into her pocket. When she withdrew it, she moved her other hand to hold Max’s. With a deft move, she slipped something on her finger. Max jerked as it slid on and she began to protest.

“Max,” Chloe said, her voice warm and tender. “You need to wear that. I want you to wear it. Yes, it’s a memory of pain. But it’s also a memory of happiness. Isn’t that what you’re fighting for? Isn’t that what you chose during that storm? Wear it and remember the happy times. And keep fighting. Let me help you build new happiness.”

“I miss her so much…”

“It’s ok to miss her. You loved her. You had a life together. I don’t ever want to take those memories away from you. I’m not telling you to move on. I’m asking to let me help you heal.”

Together they looked at the small circle on Max’s ring finger, the little gems sparkling in the light. It was the wedding ring from that former life. Max touched it, then took up Chloe’s hand. She looked up at Chloe and said, “Thank you…My Captain.”


	17. Chapter 17

Swallowing hard, Chloe looked away. The meaning behind those words weren’t lost on her. She saw in her minds eye those words inscribed on a gravestone. Max’s lost love.

“Now then,” Chloe said as she rose from the couch. There were tears gathering in her eyes that she wanted to hide. “Let me check on your food and coffee.” She strode into the kitchen as she spoke.

“You didn’t tell me why my futon is different,” Max said as she settled back into her snuggly blanket.

“Uh, well…” Chloe didn’t really want to go into details. The soup was just starting to boil. Turning down the heat to a simmer, she turned to the coffee maker. She filled a cup with coffee, scooped the right amount of sugar in it, and brought it to Max. “When I finally got into your apartment on Wednesday, you were lying on the futon. It looked like you had given up on…well on everything.”

She handed the cup to Max, who took a sip. “Mmm,” Max said, “just the way I like it. What do you mean it looked like I had given up.”

Fixing her eyes on the picture opposite them, Chloe said, “you were lying in your own shit, Max. It was…it was all over you, and other things.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…when I came over this morning, I threw out that mattress and bought another one. No way was I going to let my girlfriend sleep on shit. What do you think of this one?”

“It’s a lot softer, and thicker.

“Good,” Chloe said, turning to look again at Max. She was focused on the coffee clutched between her hands. Chloe put her hand on her arm. “It’s going to be ok. We can deal with anything, as long as we do it together.”

“You cleaned up my mess, and my apartment?”

“Yes.”

Nodding at her words, Max took another sip. “Why?” Her eyes stayed on the coffee as she spoke that single word.

“Because…I…fuck this! Because I love you, Max, ok! And I’m not going to…I’m not going to…” Chloe pushed her hands against her face to wipe the tears away. “I was so fucking scared Max, scared that I was losing you.”

Soft lips brushed her cheek and she looked to see Max, her face close to hers. “Thank you,” Max breathed.

“I’m gonna get your soup now,” Chloe mumbled as she rose. The soup was steaming nicely. Finding a bowl, Chloe poured the soup into it. Damn that steam was harsh, bringing tears to her eyes!

Using a hot pad, Chloe brought the bowl to Max. She returned to the kitchen to make herself something to eat. “Are you staying with me tonight,” Max asked.

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you move in with me?”

Chloe froze at the question. After a moment she continued preparing her simple supper. Cleaning up her mess, she took it to the futon and sat next to Max. Looking at the meal, a sandwich, she considered the question. “Is that what you want,” she asked.

Max ate a few spoonfuls of soup, before looking up at her. “Yes, that’s what I want.” Her voice was even without a hint of emotion.

“Well, it’d certainly mean I’d get better sandwiches,” Chloe said after her first bite. “I want to say yes. My heart is screaming at me to say yes. I need to consider Steph though. We have a lease together. We’d have to figure out how to find time to complete our game. The car…there’s just things she and I would need to discuss before I can say yes.”

“Oh.” Emotion filled that word. Something negative that Chloe couldn’t quite identify.

Placing her hand on Max’s arm, Chloe said, “They want us over for dinner tomorrow night. We’ll discuss it then. We’ll figure out a way to make it work.” Max only nodded at that and they finished their meals in silence.

Cleaning up their dishes, Chloe considered what to do next. There were more things she wanted to discuss with Max. They’d already talked a lot and she thought Max needed more time to let her emotions become stable.

“Let’s watch some movies,” Chloe said as she left the kitchen. Max agreed, saying she wanted to change into her pajamas first. Like the night in her bedroom, Max changed into her pajamas in full view of Chloe.

While Max was in the bathroom brushing her teeth, Chloe did her best to unpack her bags. There wasn’t much room in the little nook for her clothes. That’s something they’d have to consider. How would all of her stuff fit into this tiny place?

She unfolded the futon and got it ready for bed, then threw a bag of popcorn into the microwave. Her pajamas were in hand when Max came out. Chloe almost went into the bathroom to change, then thought better of it. Shucking her jeans, she pulled off her shirt and bra, dropping them to the floor. She paused for a moment, dressed only in her panties, before putting on her pajamas. She felt Max’s eyes on her, excited, bashful.

When she exited the bathroom, Max had the pillows arranged and the laptop setup for watching. Grabbing the popcorn from the microwave, Chloe turned off the lights. Sliding under the blanket behind Max, she set the bag in front of them.

They watched the rest of the afternoon and into the night. Around 10 or 11, Max finally fell asleep. Closing the laptop, Chloe moved it to the floor, along with the empty bag. Draping her arm over Max, she settled next to her. Max’s hand curled around hers and held it to her heart. A warm satisfaction filled her as she closed her eyes.

* * *

“Chloe?”

“Mhphm…wuh? What time is it?”

“Chloe…I’m scared.”

“What? What are you scared of?”

“I’m scared…of forgetting her. Of loving you so much…that I forget about her.”

Chloe wrapped Max in a soft embrace.

“You won’t forget her. Look at how many resets you’ve done and you still remember her and love her.” Words whispered in Max’s ear in soft comfort.

“I’m scared that…loving you means I’m betraying her.”

“…I think she would want you to love me. Hell, I want you to love me and her.”

“I…I want to love you…in the way you deserve…I’m sorry I’m so weak.”

“You are not weak. You feel. You love. You care. That makes you strong.”

“I don’t feel strong.”

“Believe me…after what you’ve been through, you are the strongest person in this room.”

Silence.

“Mmm, that was very sweet-”

“Be quiet you goofball and kiss me.”

More silence with only the sound of two people in love.

“Whoa! What are you-”

“I want to love you…the way you deserve. I want to let you in. Is that ok?”

“Are you…are you sure? I mean, I do want this…but-”

“Yes, I’m sure. I want this, too. Why do you think I put your hand there?”

“Shit, this is…you’re so…soft and …” Playful growling punctuated by kissing noises.

Giggling. “You saw me naked. If you thought I wasn’t soft then you need new eyes. Oh!”

“Got me two handfuls of wonderful!”

Cloth shuffling and moving. “…shirts…in the way…”

“Wow! This is…this is…”

“Yes?”

“Better than I imagined.” Movement among the sheets as bodies pressed together.

Crying. “No…don’t…I…I’m sorry…I thought…I thought…”

“It’s ok-”

“No! It’s not! I wanted…”

“It really is ok, Max, I want you to feel safe. Don’t push…don’t push me away, please!”

“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have-”

“You’re remembering her, aren’t you.”

A loud wail followed by, “it hurts too much. Why did she have to die? Why? Why couldn’t we live our life in fucking peace!”

“It’s ok to feel that way…to cry. You need to let yourself mourn. Don’t deny yourself that. Please…let me help you.”

“And now I’m hurting you…I’m so sorry, Chloe…I should never have started anything. I should have reset the moment we met!”

“And what would that get you? More loneliness! You can’t keep doing that to yourself, Max, you can’t! You told me before that if you kept rewinding to experience the good times then you weren’t really living. Isn’t that true with all your resets?”

“I can’t! I can’t go through that again! Building up a life only to watch it be torn down by a universe that wants to fuck us over!”

“I know, love, I know.”

“Can you…if you don’t hate me-”

“I don’t hate you, Max.”

“Please…just hold me.”

Chloe wrapped her arms around Max, who snuggled close to her. Her body shook as she let herself feel the pain and sadness she had denied herself so long. Chloe stroked her hair in the darkness, wishing she could remove that pain from Max.

* * *

Saturday dawned and light seeped into the apartment. Chloe woke first to the new sensation of skin on skin. Their shirts were on the floor where they’d discarded them during the night. Max was turned facing her, hands clenched under her chin.

Her hand stole up to caress Max’s back. She’d never expected Max to try anything last night. Really, ever. It just didn’t seem like her. The fact she’d had, after so much turmoil and emotional pain this week, she wasn’t sure what that meant. She also wasn’t sure if she wanted to think too much about it.

One thing she was sure of, Max was trying to let her in. Her methods may be questionable, but there was no doubt she was trying.

Deciding to just enjoy the moment and her girlfriend, she pushed those thoughts from her mind. Max’s hair was sticking up and poking out everywhere. It was a beautiful mess. The closed eyes, with freckles below them, were begging to be kissed. She resisted that. She wanted Max to sleep as long as possible.

Her color had returned, she was looking healthy again. They’d need to do some grocery shopping today to supplement her pantry with things on the prescribed diet. She ran her hand lightly through the brown hair, letting its texture run over her fingers.

Max opened her eyes and peered up at her. “Good morning,” she whispered.

“Only because you are in it!”

Max moved her arms to encircle Chloe and pulled them together. Chloe growled softly, saying, “Feeling a little feisty this morning?”

Looking away with downcast eyes, Max said, “No. Just…wanting to feel close to you.”

“Ugh! I’m sorry! I ruined that.”

“It’s…you didn’t ruin anything.”

“Yes I did! I made you think about last night. That-”

“Chloe!”

The way Max said her name caused Chloe to shut her mouth. “Don’t over think it. Yes, it made me think about last night. I don’t want you second guessing everything you say. I want you to be you. Just apologize and let’s move on.”

“Are you…ok, ok. I’m sorry about making you think about last night.”

“Apology accepted. Your punishment is you have to hold me.”

“Like this?”

“Yes, like that.”

Max snuggled into Chloe’s arms, resting her head just below her chin. Chloe tried not to think about what holding Max like this was doing to her. Instead she focused just on the sensation of holding her.

“What do you want to do today?”

“Can we…just stay like this all day? I mean it is Saturday.”

“I…uh…I’d love to hold you all day, Max. You need to get up and around though. Doctor’s orders.”

“Is that a fact ‘Doctor Price’?”

“Don’t tease me like that! Yes, Doctor Price says you have to get out of bed and do something…eventually.”

Max giggled, then drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Chloe returned to running her fingers through her hair.

“How’d it go with your parents?”

Max stiffened a little at the question. “Not so well,” she said after a time. “We’re strangers now. I tried to make amends but…it just wasn’t happening. Plus they’re kind of jealous of you, at least my mom is.”

Kissing her brow, Chloe said, “They are in pain too. Your mom is probably thinking of all the years with you she never had. Seeing us together…she probably wishes for a better relationship with you. We should have them over some time, or do something together.”

Max nodded, then clung more tightly to Chloe. Her cheek was pressed against Chloe’s chest, savoring the contact and warmth.

“Your dad said you came home from school one day and locked out the whole world…was that…”

“After I lost her…I couldn’t deal with anything or anyone so I shut everything out.”

She traced her fingers lightly over Max’s eyebrows. The little hairs were upended by her fingers then sprang back into place. She liked watching them to do that. “Does that mean that when you reset you don’t always go back to the same starting point?”

“No.”

“Do they know what you can do?”

“No, they don’t.”

“What if you told them?”

Max didn’t answer that question. Chloe continued running her fingers over her face, and shoulders, and arm. They lay there quite a while before Max squirmed. “Sorry,” she said, “I have to pee.”

“Well, that’s a good thing,” Chloe said. “It means you’re drinking enough.”

Max made a rude sound as she turned over and sat up.

“Hey, don’t take the blanket with you!”

Max laughed and ran for the nook. Chloe grabbed the blanket and pulled her down. They tumbled to the floor in a tangle of blanket, arms, and legs. Max was still laughing and Chloe joined in.

“Damn it’s cold in here this morning,” Chloe said as she tried to pull the blanket from Max.

“You forgot to set the thermostat properly before going to bed.”

Snorting, Chloe gave one more tug on the blanket then stood up. She quickly adjusted the temperature then retrieved her shirt. Max left the blanket on the floor and went into the restroom.

After putting on her shirt, Chloe gathered their mess from last night. Carrying it to the kitchen, she threw away the trash and set about making some fresh coffee.

“Brr,” Max said as she exited the nook. She had stopped to put on a sweatshirt. Checking the thermostat, she grabbed the blanket, went to the futon and wrapped herself in it.

“Have you heard from your boss,” Chloe asked as she washed her plate from last night.

“No…but I haven’t let her know I’m out of the hospital.”

“You should do that right now.”

Seeing the coffee was done, Chloe poured a cup, put the requisite amount of sugar in it, and brought it to Max. “Oh,” Max said, “thank you. You didn’t have to.”

“Duh! I know you got legs sista. I did it because I want to.”

Returning to the kitchen, she opened the fridge and pulled out the small carton of eggs. Setting them on the counter she began preparing breakfast.

“Something to think about,” she said as she put the pan on the stove, “is how small this place is for two people.”

“I like my cozy nest.”

“Cozy is one word for it. Tiny is another. This is a great place for one person. I’m not sure it will be good for two of us.”

“We can make it work! I know we can.” There was just the hint of stubbornness in Max’s voice.

Whisking the eggs in the bowl, Chloe said, “If I move in, where will I put my stuff? Where will I put my clothes? The fridge is so small we’d have to shop every day. Ahh!”

Max had crept up behind her and put her arms around Chloe’s waist. “We can make it work, I know we can.” Her head leaned against Chloe’s back.

“You like this place that much?”

“Next to the apartment we had when we were married, this is my favorite place to live.”

Chloe tried not to think about what Max said. “Well, maybe I can arrange to keep some of my stuff with Steph,” she said as she poured the whisked eggs into the pan. Max still clung to her from behind. “Not my clothes though…Rachel’s got this weird obsession with my clothes.”

“What do you mean?” If anything, Max was holding her even tighter now.

“We aren’t the same size, but she insists on ‘borrowing’ my shirts. She tried to borrow my pants once. It was hilarious.”

“Does she borrow Steph’s clothes?”

“Nah, just mine.” She moved the eggs around in the pan, trying not to focus on Max’s hold on her. “So…uh…the eggs are almost done and I need to get the plates.”

Max arms fell away and she stepped to the side. Grabbing a couple of plates, Chloe scooped eggs onto each. “Fuck,” she said, “I forgot to get the toast started.”

“I can do that.” Max busied herself with getting the bread and putting slices in the toaster. Setting the plates on the table, Chloe poured her own cup of coffee. She placed the cup next to a plate then went to the other room to get Max’s cup.

Sitting in one of the chairs, Chloe sipped her coffee while she watched Max. She noticed that Max fidgeted with the ring while she waited. Within minutes the toast was ready and Chloe brought the plates over. Max deposited a couple of slices on each.

Breakfast was mostly in silence. Chloe still wondered how they’d manage to have two people live in this tiny place. After breakfast, and cleaning the kitchen, Chloe proposed they go on a walk.

Once cleaned up and dressed in warm clothes, they left the apartment. It had snowed, again, leaving a nice buildup of snow. Gloved hand in gloved hand, they walked down the sidewalk.

“What really happened with your parents,” Chloe asked after a block.

“I already told you…we’re strangers now.”

“I’m a stranger to them. You’re their daughter. It was like walking into an invisible wall when I returned to the hospital room. It was worse in the apartment before they left.”

Sighing, Max stopped walking. She had a sad little smile on her face when Chloe looked at her. “My mom had a meltdown. Dad could barely control her. Even the nurses got involved. For a few minutes I thought they’d need to sedate her.”

Scuffing a piece of fresh snow with her foot, Chloe said, “I know I’m not exactly the type of girl you bring home, but I thought they kind of liked me.”

“It wasn’t about you, Chloe.”

“I know I was just…”

“Just trying to make it easy for me to talk. Thanks. You’re right…what you told me. They hurt. I was so focused on my own loss and pain that I never stopped to think about what I was doing to them. Five years of silence then I’m thrust back into their life with a girlfriend and a hospital visit…” Max let the words trail into silence.

Across the street was an empty lot, thick with snow. Grabbing Max by the hand, Chloe pulled her to it. “Let’s build something,” she said as she considered the pristine snow. That just confirmed her suspicions the area was mostly older people. If she’d had access to a snow-covered lot like this as a kid?

They began rolling balls of snow for bases. Max stopped when hers was knee-height and sat on it. “We should do something with my parents.”

“What would you think of doing Christmas with them?”

Max toed the packed snow in front of her. “That would be good. Would you mind setting it up?”

“No, I don’t mind if it’s just to get your relationship started again. I’m not going to be responsible for your relationship with them.”

“I know…I’m not asking that.”

“Good, cause this is heavy enough without adding that on top of it.”

Glancing her way, Max saw Chloe trying to lift a large snowball atop another. “Oh, let me help you with that!”

“Let’s get this ball rolling,” Chloe said with a grunt as they pushed it on top of the other. They slipped to the ground once they had the sphere in place. Aside from their breathing, only the distant sounds of traffic could be heard. For several minutes they sat, backs against the snow, thinking and recovering from their exertion.

“Is it ok to talk about last night?”

Max’s eyes fell to the snow around them. Her hands immediately began clenching loose snow into little clods. “Yes.”

“When you pushed me away…it was…it made me feel unwanted. It was the same when you shut me out last Saturday, then all this week. Last night you wanted to do something in bed…only to push me away when it seemed like you needed someone…it was like…I wasn’t good enough for you.”

They sat a few moments, with only the sound of Max clenching the snow breaking the silence. “I’m sorry, Chloe,” Max whispered. “I do want you…and you are good enough for me…more than good enough. It’s…I’ve pushed everyone and everything away so much…that it’s automatic now.

And I’m…I’m still scared. No matter how much I hide it. I’m scared that all this will go away, that it’s pointless. It makes me…want to keep you away. I…how do we move forward?”

Throwing the little snowball she made while Max spoke, Chloe gathered snow to make another. “I think…we start by reminding ourselves that we are here for each other. I can’t expect you to change that response immediately. Reminding myself that it’s a habit will help me know you aren’t rejecting me.”

“I’ll…work on changing that habit…to remember that you want to help me carry that pain.”

Standing, and offering a hand to Max, Chloe said, “Well, my butt’s about frozen sitting there. I need some balls to get this done.”

Chuckling, Max said, “What kind? Basketball? Football?“ She gave Chloe friend a mischievous grin as she was helped up.

Chloe laughed. “Snow,” she said, “Snow balls.” Max’s grin became wide and bright at the answer. They returned to their own projects, Max building her little snow person and Chloe building, well whatever Chloe was building. It wasn’t a snow person, or a fort. It was certainly big though. More than once Max had to help her move a large snowball.

They’d been at it for a few hours when suddenly a bunch of snow went down Chloe’s shirt! Shrieking from the surprising cold, she spun around to find Max several feet away laughing. “Oh, you’re gonna get it,” She growled as she sprinted toward her.

Shrieking with laughter, Max took off running. She was still weak though, and all the work with the snow had taken a toll on her. Within a few steps Chloe overtook her and brought her to the ground in a flurry of snow and laughter.

They rolled in the snow giggling as each sought to tickle the other, their gloves working against them. After much back and forth, they stopped with Chloe on top and both out of breath.

“Someone’s,” Chloe panted, “being a little naughty.”

“What are you gonna do about it?”

Chloe looked at Max, lying underneath her. The look in her eyes, the smile on her face. Leaning down, she kissed her. Arms came around her and held her tight. Many minutes later, when she lifted her head away, she said, “I missed you.”

“I’m sorry I went away.”

“I’m glad you’re back.” Rolling off of Max, Chloe pushed herself up, then helped Max to her feet. “You’ve been outside entirely too long,” she said after giving Max another quick kiss. “Let’s get you back in.”

Nodding, Max grabbed her arm and leaned against her shoulder. The walk back went quickly. Once inside, they changed into dry clothes. Max snuggled under her blanket while Chloe brewed fresh coffee.

They watched a few episodes of some random comedy show on Netflix throughout the afternoon. Later they did some grocery shopping and Chloe texted Steph to confirm they’d be there for dinner the next night.

Max received a message from her boss at the cafe. Her boss was happy Max was well and out of the hospital. She wanted Max to return to her normal schedule as of Monday.

Sighing as she told Chloe the news, she said, “I’m happy that I still have a job. Even though the reasons for it sucked, I’m going to miss just spending days with you.”

“Well,” Chloe said, “we’ve got Christmas coming up. We’ll get to spend a little time together then.”

“Yeah, one day!”

“Does your schedule give you any three day weekends before Christmas?”

“Let me check.” Max opened her work schedule app. “Actually, I have a four day weekend coming up, just before Christmas week.”

“Cool! If I can get those days off we can spend all of that together!”

That brought a smile to Max, who hurriedly sent a reply to her boss, saying she’d be in on Monday. At the same time Chloe sent an email to her boss requesting that Friday and Monday off.

The evening passed swiftly. Between conversations, dinner, and more movies, they spent much of the time snuggling under Max’s blanket. When they finally changed into pajamas and went to bed, Chloe was very happy that Max once again took her hand and held it to her heart.

Chloe debated a few moments whether she should let Max know she was willing if Max wanted to do more than sleep in the bed. At the end, she decided no. With the state Max was left in last night, she feared even suggesting it wouldn’t help her.

Kissing Max lightly behind the ear, she whispered, “Good night.”

“Good night.”

Sunday was about the same as Saturday, with extra walks around the neighborhood and no playing in the snow. Mid-afternoon they headed to Steph’s apartment.

Rachel had managed to get a job, turning the regular dinner into a celebratory one. Chloe and Steph talked quite awhile about Chloe moving in with Max. With Rachel now having work, she could take over part of Chloe’s share of the rent. Most of Chloe’s stuff would be stored in the closet in her old room. At least until one of them moved.

The car was a little trickier. Rachel had her own car, but she’d rather drive it to work than take the bus. It took quite a while, including a little drinking contest between Chloe and Steph and Rachel to work something out. At the end, Chloe could take the car, with some strings attached.

All in all, the evening was a great time for the four. The girls left with the rest of Chloe’s clothes stuffed into grocery bags. Chloe tossed them into the closet nook area when they got back to Max’s apartment.

She looked around the little place. It was no longer just Max’s apartment. It was their apartment. A little thrill went through her at the thought.

Later, after bedding down, Max turned to face her. Placing a chaste kiss on her lips, she whispered, “Welcome home.”

A big grin split Chloe’s face. “Home. I think anywhere with you is home, Max.”


	18. Chapter 18

Something Good woke Max earlier than she’d normally wake up. Today marked the first day of her and Chloe’s new life together. With real life reasserting itself over them, Max wanted to start it right. Or at least as right as she could make it for Chloe.

Chloe mumbled something as Max slipped from under her arm. The girl was a sound sleeper, which was good. She took a quick shower and dressed, then went into the kitchen. Today she would send her girlfriend off to work after a good breakfast.

Coffee, toast, eggs, and some sliced fruit. After checking the fridge she scratched the fruit from the list. She thought the noise of cooking would wake Chloe up, but she stayed in bed for most of it. The coffee was what dragged her blue hair from under the blanket. Bleary eyes peered at her over the little divider between kitchen and the rest of the apartment.

“Morning, sleepy-head,” Max said cheerfully. Honestly, she was only cheerful because she had finished her first cup of coffee. If she hadn’t decided on something like this, she’d still be under that blanket. That snuggly blanket.

“What time is it,” Chloe asked, speech slowed by sleep.

“6:30”

“Why are you doing stuff at the ass crack of dawn?”

“It’s not dawn. I’m making you breakfast.”

Chloe rolled over and slumped back to the bed. “Breakfast. Sounds good. Smells good.”

Bringing a cup of coffee to Chloe, plain, Max set it on the side table. “Here, this should help you get started. You need to shower and dress before breakfast.”

“I do, huh,” Chloe huffed from the bed.

“Yes. I don’t want you late for work on the first day of us living together.” Chloe grunted at her words. Max turned to go when she felt hands latch onto her and pull her down.

With a shriek she collapsed a top Chloe, whose fingers immediately dove to attack. Her shriek was replaced by peals of laughter as Chloe tickled her. Max turned and spun and finally managed to break free. Stumbling away, trying to catch her breath, Max gave a playful glare at Chloe.

“That’s the last time I’ll believe you’re mostly asleep,” she said. Chloe grinned a huge grin and sat up.

“I’m just making sure my girlfriend starts the day with a smile,” she said as she grabbed her coffee.

It was Max’s turn to grunt in acknowledgement. “Well, you still need to get ready before breakfast.”

“Ok, ok. Just let me have some of this coffee. Need something to get my motor running.”

As Max stepped into the kitchen she said, “you’re already running. You need something to put the breaks on.” Chloe’s only response was a playful growl.

It didn’t take Chloe long to be showered, dressed, and at the table. Max brought a plate to her filled with eggs and toast. Then brought her own plate with a smaller portion of the same.

“I wonder if your landlady will let us get a bigger fridge. There is space for a larger one,” Chloe said as she devoured the eggs.

“Our landlady. You live here too. I can ask. We’ll have to move the table closer to the front room.”

“You mean the only room.”

“Fair enough.”

Chloe placed her hand on Max’s. “Thank you for breakfast,” she said.

“I wanted our first official day as a couple to be special.”

Chloe shoved the last bite of toast into her mouth. “And the other nights I spent here don’t count because…?”

Smiling a little, Max said, “Because you weren’t living here. Duh!”

Glancing at her phone, Chloe hurriedly finished her meal, then went to finish getting ready. Max gathered their dishes into the sink and got their coats ready for the walk to the bus stop.

When Chloe exited the nook, she stopped at seeing Max dressed for outside. “Where are you going,” she asked as she put on her boots.

“I’m walking you to the bus stop.”

“Wow! You really are taking this seriously. I like it.”

Smiling at that, Max said, “I’ll walk you every day I can if that’s what you want.”

Standing and putting on her coat, Chloe stole a quick kiss. “Hell yeah,” she gushed.

Hand in hand they walked out the door and the few minutes to the bus stop. A few other people were there, so they hung back to talk and snuggle. “It’s hard to hold you with your backpack on,” Max said.

“You’re almost small enough I could slip you into my backpack and take you to work with me.”

“Hmmm, that might be fun, but a little boring watching you code all day.”

“With you there? It wouldn’t be boring at all.”

They continued to talk like this, arms around each other until the bus came. Chloe told Max she’d see her for lunch, gave her a kiss goodbye, and got on the bus. Max stood there watching the bus drive down the street.

The smile on her face faded as the joy and happiness she had slipped away as the bus disappeared. That Chloe-shaped void inside her was bigger, its emptiness filled with something roiling.

Turning, she slipped into the stillness between moments. Right now she needed silence and peace to address the churning inside her. She began her walk back to the apartment.

Don’t be afraid.

But she was afraid. Scared of opening her heart fully to Chloe only for it to be destroyed again. Scared that she’d have to reset again. Chloe was so positive they could beat this, but she couldn’t see how. They had nothing to go on, no tools, no insight. Nothing. Their future held only one thing.

She slipped into the apartment and returned to regular time. She had another hour before she had to leave. Cleaning the kitchen and front room occupied some of that time. She also worked at getting some of Chloe’s clothes to fit properly in the nook.

The apartment was too small for two. She knew that. She just didn’t like the fact. The small space was perfect for her, giving her a refuge from the world and chaos and everything that wanted to press in and overwhelm her. Spacious apartments and houses removed that sense of comfort and security this place gave her.

Looking at Chloe’s stuff piled and shoved into a corner in the nook, she knew she wasn’t being fair. Chloe needed her own space. But there was that beautiful picture Chloe painted for her.

Going to the front room, she ran her fingers over it. Her first real gift from this Chloe. Her fingers twisted the wedding ring as she looked at the picture. Damn her sight was blurry. She didn’t want to give up this gift.

Turning from it before any thoughts could tap into her darkness, she prepared herself for work. Tonight she’d bring up the apartment with Chloe. Completing her preparations, she left for work.

Max quickly learned that she was still weak from what she did last week. Thankfully there was a tall stool she could sit on while making sandwiches. It slowed her a little, but allowed her to retain a lot of her strength.

She was making her least liked sandwich, a tuna salad on pumpernickel, when she heard Chloe’s voice. Immediately her heart skipped a beat and sped up. She turned to wave at her. Returning to this part of their routine gave her satisfaction.

Turning back to making the chicken salad sandwich, she wondered if she could take a quick break to speak to Chloe. Chicken salad? Wasn’t she making a tuna salad sandwich? She checked the sandwich and the ticket. Chicken salad. She could swear she was working on tuna.

Shrugging, she finished the sandwich, wrapped it in paper and took it to the counter. Getting Chloe’s ticket next, she was not surprised to learn it was for her special sandwich. Her boss signaled that she could take a break. Once she was done making the sandwich, she put it on a plate and took it out to Chloe.

They chatted while Chloe ate, Max enjoying the enthusiasm she had for the sandwich. “Tonight let’s talk about the apartment again,” she said as Chloe neared the end of the sandwich. “I wasn’t being very fair to you, wanting to keep us in the tiny apartment.”

Chloe eyed her as she popped the last bite in and chewed it. “Ok,” she said, drawing out the word. “That was a sudden change. We can talk tonight.”

Giving her girlfriend a quick kiss, Max stood and said goodbye. She took the plate with her, and returned to work. The rest of the day went smoothly and Max found herself at home, alone. It would be another two or three hours before Chloe got home.

She used the time to re-examine all the negatives on her laptop. It had been a while since she’d worked on the contract project. With the winter weather, trip to Arcadia Bay and what happened after, she hadn’t wanted to work on it.

She also went through pictures she took while in Arcadia Bay. The ones with her and Chloe were so special to her. She saved them in several places. Two of them she marked for printing.

The hours passed quickly and before she knew it the time came for her to stop. She wanted things to be just right when Chloe got home. Putting her laptop aside, she went to the kitchen and started making supper. A few minutes before Chloe would arrive, she put on the tea kettle.

The door opened and Chloe stepped inside. A blast of cold air came with her, so powerful it made Max shiver all the way in the kitchen. Shutting the door fast, Chloe dropped her bag and coat. “Brrr,” she said. “That’s a nasty wind out there.

“I’m glad that’s over,” she continued as she wandered into the kitchen. “The temperature started dropping on the walk home.”

“The kettle will be ready for tea in just a few moments,” Max said. Chloe snooped in the pans on the stove then leaned in for a kiss.

“Mmm,” she said. “Hot tea in my cup. Hot girl in my kitchen. What did I do to deserve this?”

Max didn’t answer as she stirred the soup. Happiness had returned and she was letting its warmth seep into her. Chloe slipped her arms around Max’s waist and nuzzled the back of her head. “Is this ok,” she whispered.

Max stopped stirring to enjoy the moment. “Yes,” she said as she leaned into the embrace.

“Chicken soup,” Chloe murmured.

“And biscuits,” Max added. “They’re in the oven.” Fingers tickled her belly and she laughed. “Stop it! Before I ruin the soup.”

“Oh no,” Chloe whispered. “What will we eat-” At that moment the kettle whistled. Letting go of her girlfriend, Chloe pulled the kettle from the heat. Seeing there was already a sachet of tea in her cup, she poured the hot water into it.

Max turned off the heat before Chloe replaced the kettle. She knelt to check the biscuits. Just a few more minutes. Once she stood, Chloe stepped around her with her tea and set it on the table. She went to get dishes for dinner but Max stopped her. “Aren’t you going to wash your hands first?”

With a sheepish grin, Chloe slipped into the bathroom to do just that.

A few minutes later, dinner was ready and apportioned out. Max had her own cup of tea. Along with the soup and biscuits (from a can, mind you), they had a rather simple dinner.

“Damn girl,” Chloe said as she seated herself. “I love you making breakfast and dinner, but you need to let me do some of the cooking as well.”

“What if I enjoy making things for my girlfriend?”

That got the type of grin from Chloe that made Max want to melt. “As much as I love that, we are partners,” Chloe said as she bit into a hot biscuit slathered in butter and honey. “Cooking and stuff around the house is ‘our’ responsibility. Not just one of us.”

“You work more than I do, though,” Max pressed. She knew Chloe was the better cook, but she didn’t like what to her was a lopsided arrangement. “The least I can do is keep things equal by doing a bit more around home.”

Chloe pointed her spoon at Max. “We share responsibilities. You are not here to be taken advantage of, just because you spend less time getting paid for your time.” There was butter and honey on Chloe’s nose and cheeks just begging for Max’s attention.

“Fair enough,” Max said, lowering her eyes. Her soup was half gone. “But as much as I can, I’m going to keep doing this.”

“We’ll work on that,” Chloe said. “But to change the topic, I’d like to know something. At lunch you said you wanted to talk about changing apartments. That was a complete 180 to me. The other day you were quite passionate about staying here. Tell me, please, why didn’t you want to move from your apartment?”

Putting down her spoon, Max looked long and hard at the picture of Chloe on the wall beyond them. “It’s…hard to explain,” she said after a moments thought. “I love how easy it is to keep clean. Since I don’t have a lot of stuff it doesn’t encourage me to buy things to decorate it.

“I like that it’s not part of a complex, likes yours was. It’s so small that I feel…safe, comfortable.”

“Like it gives you security?”

“Yes. Security and no distractions.”

“If I could find an apartment that gave you those same vibes, and met some of those same conditions, would you move?”

With a long sigh, Max said, “…I’d certainly be open to looking at a different place, and discussing it. Without seeing it…”

“Hey,” Chloe said softly, moving her face into Max’s view. “All I need to know is it’s ok that I look.”

“Yes. It’s ok. You need space for your stuff as well.” Max dropped her eyes to the remains of her food. “I’m sorry. Making plans together like this…it’s just a reminder of…”

A hand touched hers and she looked up. Chloe looked at her with a soft expression on her face. “I get it, Max. It’s bringing up memories long buried. We’re together now. Remember that.”

They finished the meal in silence. Afterward, they cleaned up the mess and turned their attention to evening activities. Chloe pulled out her laptop and immediately began searching for apartments. Max returned to working on her photos.

The evening was quiet, which Max appreciated after the tumult of the last week. Both girls focused on their laptops, with occasional questions or jokes breaking the silence. When they bedded down later, Max felt at peace in a way she hadn’t for quite a while.

Like the previous morning, when Tuesday came Max rose early and prepared breakfast for Chloe. While they waited at the bus stop, arms wrapped around each other, Chloe said, “I’m really liking this, Max.”

“What do you mean?”

“Walking me to the bus stop, all huggy and shit.”

“Hmmm,” Max said as she gazed up at Chloe. “Maybe I’m just showing you what you mean to me.”

“Sounds like I need to stay meaningful to you then,” Chloe said with a grin.

The bus came then and Max reluctantly let her arms fall. “Go slay your code dragon today,” she said after kissing her goodbye.

“With you by my side, I could slay the world,” Chloe whispered before giving her one more kiss. She disappeared into the depths of the bus.

Again, Max watched the bus disappear before turning to return to their apartment. Like yesterday, the happiness and sense of belonging she had in Chloe’s presence slipped away to follow the bus. The emptiness inside beckoned.

Her plans today were to scout new photo opportunities in the city. There were some locations in the contract she wanted to scout. While the snow would prevent her from taking shots she could sell to Steph, she could verify which locations would work the best. And exploring is what she needed right now.

Let her in.

She stopped at the corner before her block. Let who in? Chloe? She was letting her in.

No, you aren’t.

What? She was. Chloe was everything to her right now. She knew about her former life. She knew about her grief.

You aren’t alone.

But that wasn’t true. She was always alone. Always by herself. Only she could make the choice. Only she had to live with the choice. Shaking her head to dispel those dark thoughts, Max began walking again. No matter how close she’d get to Chloe it was always darkness in the end.

The morning was cold and breezy, which made her scouting a mixture of freezing her butt off, and getting too warm in cafes. No matter, she really liked finding new places around town. Her endurance was coming back and the frequent stops in cafes helped. She’d already managed to confirm two more locations as fitting the contract needs.

Right now she sat in a cafe, wrapped around a cup of coffee. Nearby was a location she wanted to add to her portfolio. Once she was warm.

“She can give you hope.”

Max jolted, splashing hot coffee on her hands and table. Cursing softly, she wiped her hands on a napkin and looked around. No one was nearby. She could swear the voice had been Chloe’s, but she was nowhere near her office. What the hell?

She had to admit though, hope is what she needed right now. Experience told her it was futile though. Too many times. Finishing her coffee, she washed her hands and left the cafe.

Returning to the location she wanted to shoot, she setup her equipment and took several shots, then waited. There were a few views she wanted with the right lighting. Stepping to the side, where there was a bench she could sit on, she seated herself to wait.

Hope. Hope had died in that fire. Blinking through blurred vision at the thought, Max tried to wrench her mind into a new direction. She had to regain control over this before it consumed her. Closing her eyes, she focused on clearing those thoughts from her mind.

The scene before her, pristine snow in a hidden park, is what she brought into her mind. Let all other worries and thoughts drift away as she imagined herself in the park, hidden, safe. The noise of people and traffic faded from her as her mind relaxed into the tranquility of the moment.

Before she could slip into sleep, she roused herself and stood. Camera. Pictures. Then more exploring. A simple adventure. Stepping to her camera on its tripod, she peered through the view finder. Blue hair glowed among the trees. Straightening, she looked in that direction. No one was there. Her head turned side to side, scanning the area. She was the only person in this corner of Portland.

Looking through the view finder again, she found the scene she wanted. No blue hair beckoned her. A part of her was sad but she pushed that aside and took several pictures. Stepping away from her equipment, she looked at the scene again. Snow covered trees and bushes were all around. There was no sign of any other human, or animal for that matter. Why…?

Shaking her head, she began putting her equipment away. A warm breeze stirred her hair.

“So you’re a photographer?”

She whirled, dropping the tripod. No one was around. What the hell was going on? Slipping into the stillness she scouted the area but found nothing and no one. Returning to her equipment she slipped back into regular time. Her hands shook as she gathered up her equipment.

So shaken was she that she banged up her tripod trying to get it into her pack. Dropping it before she could make it worse, she clenched her hands and closed her eyes. Her hands pressed against her eyes causing disorienting glimmers of color to glow in her vision.

Like before she tried to focus on the snow-filled scene. She needed balance and centering right now. Breathing in and out, focusing on the movements needed for that, helped instill the calmness she needed.

When she thought she could continue, she opened her eyes and calmly put her equipment away. Slinging the pack over her shoulders, she stood and scanned the area. No one was around. With hurried, uncertain steps, she left the area. Her taste for exploring and adventure was gone.

Once she was at home, she put her pack away and huddled on the couch under her favorite blanket. What was happening? She’d heard Chloe’s voice twice, and could swear she saw her in the park. Keeping her head down, she stayed there until abut thirty minutes before Chloe would arrive. Deciding her hiding wasn’t helping her, she rose and went to the kitchen.

Dinner. She needed to do a different activity. Making dinner kept her mind off the day’s events and the time passed swiftly. Before she knew it, Chloe walked through the door. Closing the door, she set down her bag and shucked her coat. “Mmm,” she said, “something smells delish.”

The compliment made Max smile. “Chicken and noodles,” she said, “Not very fancy, but something I know how to make.”

Chloe came up behind her and slipped her hands around Max’s waist. “Is this ok,” she asked softly.

Max leaned back against Chloe. “Yes,” she whispered. “It’s very ok. Today’s been a…weird day.”

“Weird huh,” Chloe said as she nuzzled the back of Max’s head. “Tell me about it.”

“I’d rather know about your day.”

“Hmph. I wrote code. I fixed bugs. Nothing special.”

“Really. No new projects? No ways your boss has recognized your brilliance?”

“Ah, well. Because I did so well on that authentication project a few weeks ago, they are having me refactor the entire authentication and authorization system.”

“That’s…a good thing? Whoops, chicken’s ready!” Max broke away from Chloe’s hold to get the pan from the oven. Chloe grabbed plates and utensils and put them on the table. Drinks were the next order, after which she sprawled in a chair.

Max finished the prep on the chicken, then put a piece on each plate. The pot of noodles she placed in the middle of the table. Chloe scooped noodles onto her plate while Max took her seat.

“Yeah, it’s a good thing,” Chloe said while Max got her own noodles. “The current system is crap. A bunch of spaghetti founder code that barely functions. It’s one of the most important parts of our software.”

“Wow,” Max said enthusiastically. “That’s awesome! They have you working on something that important means they have a lot of trust and respect for you.”

“Sure. Maybe. Or they know they can get this done cheaper and quicker using me than one of their senior people. And if it doesn’t work, I’m junior and easy to get rid of.”

“Don’t shit on yourself, Chloe. If they gave you something that important, that means you can do it. Maybe you should start talking to your boss about a raise. After all they are having you work on important things.”

Chloe shrugged. “Thanks and you make a good point. I’ll be sure to bring it up in my next one on one with my boss.” Swallowing a bite, she said, “What made your day so weird?”

Instead of answering, Max kept eating. By now Chloe would be used to the odd things that came with being her girlfriend. But was she ready for this level of weird?

Finishing her meal, she set her fork on the plate. “You were at your office the entire day?”

“Yeah?”

“What’d you do for lunch?”

“Got something from the cafe downstairs.”

Max nodded at that. It’s what she had suspected.

“Why the questions,” Chloe asked as she set down her own fork. Her plate was now empty. She focused her attention on Max.

“Today I decided to explore the city a little. Look for new places to take pictures. Scout some areas for the game. Twice…I could swear you said something to me.”

“What did I say?”

Shooting a nervous look at Chloe, Max said, “She can give you hope. And so you’re a photographer.”

“That second…that was…” Chloe let her words die.

“Yes. Then…” Max focused on her plate, the stove, the mural. Anywhere but at Chloe. “I had a shoot ready, something for my portfolio. When the lighting was just right, I looked into the view finder. You were standing in the middle of the shoot.”

“What the fuck!”

“I…know, right?”

“No, Max. I mean that’s totally weird. But…You! You’re…glowing!”


	19. Chapter 19

“Glowing?” The word come from Max in a rush. She looked at her hands and arms, but they looked normal.

“Not your arms, your face. Go look in the mirror.”

In a rush, Max rose from her seat and went to the bathroom, with Chloe close behind. Through the drawing on the mirror, her own face looked back at her. On her left side, near her ear, was a bluish glow. She turned her head and moved her hair to get a better look at it.

“It…It looks like a crack,” she said hollowly. Chloe nodded.

“That’s the only one I see,” Chloe said as she scanned Max quickly. “It appeared when you told me about seeing someone that looked like me.”

Max touched the line on her face tentatively. It was both graceful and angular. She felt…nothing, not even skin. Of course the line, or crack, was very thin, making it rather hard to feel anything. As her finger rubbed its length, the light faded and disappeared.

“Ok, this is really weird,” she said as she faced Chloe. “It’s gone.”

“Quick, do what you were doing before! Maybe it will come back.”

Shrugging, Max repeated what she said before. Or at least as near as she could remember. “See anything,” she asked afterward. Chloe examined both sides of her face, and then the rest of her.

“Not unless there’s one under your clothes,” Chloe said.

“I’m…not really in the mood for stripping right now.” She couldn’t mask the irritation and darkness in her voice.

Chloe laid a hand on her shoulder. “Hey,” she said softly, “you got yet another weird thing happening. I’m here for you. Come here.” She took Max’s hand and led her to the couch where they sat.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Chloe said.

After a while of looking nowhere, Max said, “Frustrated. Weirded out.” Hopeless. Lonely.

“Tell me about being frustrated.”

Max sighed and looked at Chloe. “Do you really want to know?”

Frowning a little at Max’s question, Chloe said, “Hell yeah I want to know.”

“It feels like I can never get a break. My life has been in turmoil for years now and I’m so tired of it! But it feels like it’s just going to continue on and on and on. You tell me this time it’s different. Which is what you told me last time!

“And it is different! But…I feel like I’m playing a game where I don’t know the rules. And the rules keep changing. I’m just…tired of all this shit and I’m tired of never having a moment with you where I’m not dreading that I’m going to lose it all again.

“Being with you makes me frustrated with myself. I want to love you the way you deserve, but I…I can’t-” Her voice cut out at that and she tried to pull away. Chloe let go of her hand, but followed her and wrapped her arms around her.

“I’m not going to say I understand what you’re going through,” Chloe whispered, “because I don’t. Thank you for telling me all that. Some things will come in time, I’m sure of it.”

Max shook her head at that. “The only thing that will come in time is disaster and….”

Chloe apparently had no words for that as she stayed silent. Wiping her nose, Max said, “I’m sorry for ruining your evening.”

“You didn’t ruin my evening,” Chloe whispered. “It’s hard for me to argue against your experience. Will you at least accept the love I have to give you?”

Ouch. Max looked at her with bleary vision. “I will always accept your love,” she said hoarsely.

Chloe pulled her onto her lap, tucking her against her shoulder. “Then let’s just sit here and cuddle.”

That made Max snort. “What’s funny,” Chloe asked.

“Sorry, just…I don’t picture you as being a cuddler. Even though we’ve done that quite a bit,” Max said warmly. “In other timelines I’ve always been the one to start the cuddles.”

“You look rather cuddly,” Chloe said. “I can’t help it that you fit just right on my lap.”

“That I do. I always do,” Max whispered as she lowered her head to rest on Chloe’s neck.

The evening passed in silence as they sat together on the couch. After a long time, Max slipped from Chloe’s arms. Kissing her girlfriend on the forehead, she went into the kitchen to clean up. While she did that, Chloe got the futon ready for sleeping.

Once both were in their jammies, and slipped under the covers, Max setup her laptop and they watched some shows before falling asleep.

Tuesday turned into Wednesday, which turned into Thursday, which continued into the rest of the week and beyond. Max maintained her new habit of rising before Chloe to make breakfast, then walking her to the bus stop. Most evenings she made dinner as well.

Grocery shopping became an every other day routine, with lists traded through texts. The landlady was not in favor of getting them a larger fridge. She also declined their purchase of one. While disappointed with that, they accepted it.

The days passed and Max had no more mysterious voices talking to her. Neither did she see any mystery Chloe’s, despite several scouting and photo trips. The glowing line didn’t reappear.

Chloe had worked out a visit to Max’s parents for Christmas and they spent some time shopping for gifts. The cafe would be closed the day before as well, so they planned to spend several days in Seattle.

Chloe continued her search for a larger apartment. It was hard finding one that was in their budget, in decent condition, and not further from their jobs. Most of those on the market were priced rather high for them, or looked in such bad repair when they pulled up that they didn’t bother to go in.

The four day weekend came and went, with them spending most of it exploring Portland. They found lots of little shops that appealed to each of their interests, and Chloe found a music venue that fit her style. She eagerly noted upcoming dates of bands playing and began planning a night to get all four of them there.

That Monday evening as they sat snuggling together under Max’s blanket, Chloe said, “Would you like to see Kate again?”

Immediately the events of Arcadia Bay swept through Max’s mind and she tensed. “I…I don’t know,” she finally said.

“Do you think being with her was part of what caused your memories to come back?”

“Yes…I really want to see her…but I’m scared.”

“It’s ok to be scared,” Chloe said as she traced Max’s mouth with her finger tip. “You said before that she was a good friend. I know she lives close to Seattle and thought you might like to stop in for a visit.”

Closing her eyes to focus better on the delightful touch of Chloe’s tracing finger, Max thought about what she said. It would be awesome to see Kate again. “I didn’t tell you what happened when I saw Kate in Arcadia Bay.”

“You said you shared a memory and you told her everything.”

“That’s only part of it.” Opening her eyes, Max turned to sit cross-legged, pulling the blanket down from their heads. “She wrote a children’s book about me…and you. Sad Max and the Big Meanies. You…helped save me from the big meanies.”

Chloe looked surprised at that. “The big meanies…was it about bullies?”

Max looked down at her hands clenching and unclenching in her lap. With an effort she reached out and took Chloe’s hands. “That’s what she thinks it’s about.”

There was a long pause. Max kept her eyes looking down. Her thumbs stroked the backs of Chloe’s hands.

“What do you think it’s about,” Chloe asked, her words light as a soft breeze.

“Loneliness.”

The silence after her answer weighed heavily on Max. It was what Steph saw in her immediately. It was what she fought every day. Loneliness. To not feel connected with anyone, even when around people.

“Did you tell her?”

Max shook her head, not wanting to hear her own voice right now.

“Are you…still lonely?”

She nodded. “Sorry…”

“It’s because that…fucking reset hangs over your head, isn’t it?”

Max nodded, this time looking at Chloe. She couldn’t quite make out the expression on her face. Letting go with one hand, she raised it to touch Chloe’s cheek, but Chloe pulled away.

Drawing her hand back, Max clenched it and held it near her heart. “Sorry,” she said again, letting go of Chloe’s other hand. “I know…I know you deserve more, deserve better.”

“No, Max. That’s not it at all,” Chloe said with fire in her voice. “It’s that this fucking sucks! You give up your entire life to bring me happiness and you never get to enjoy it! Worse, it’s so broken you that you can’t even allow yourself to enjoy it, to think it will last.

“It’s completely unfair and it makes me mad! And the fact I can’t do anything to really help you? I think that’s the worst. Because each time I ask you to have hope, to believe this time will be the last time? Doing that means I’m asking you to open yourself to be hurt even more if history repeats!”

Chloe’s fist pounded the futon as she spoke and there was a fire in her eyes. During that speech, Max saw again the girl she sacrificed everything for. Sure, there were plenty of things about this Chloe to draw the connection, but that fire? That spark? That was Chloe through and through.

In the midst of some expletive filled diatribe against fate, Chloe stopped, her eyes wide. “Shit, you’re glowing again,” she exclaimed.

Leaping from the futon, Max ran for the bathroom, Chloe right behind. In the mirror she saw again a glowing blue line on the left side of her face. It looked wider and longer than before. Another one was on the right side, curving below her eye.

She touched both, but felt nothing. “Quick,” she said, “before they fade. Touch them and tell me if you feel anything.”

Chloe did the same, but shook her head. “I don’t feel anything,” she said.

“Not even skin?”

The glow faded before Chloe could answer. “No, not even skin.”

Max bent over the sink, Chloe’s hands going to her shoulders. “We’ll figure this out,” Chloe said.

“No…no we fucking won’t! It’s…can you…can you leave me alone please?”

She stared into the sink, barely feeling Chloe’s hands on her shoulders. The frustration inside her was churning and it was like something wanted to explode. Fear and uncertainty mixed with it leaving her confused and empty of everything good.

Instead of leaving, Chloe pulled her up to look at her. “I’m not leaving you, Max,” she whispered. “Not when you need me.” She wrapped her into a hug. The touch sparked a deep tremor in Max. Her limbs began shaking, almost pulling them down as her legs collapsed.

Chloe sank to the floor with her, still holding her. They leaned against the tub, Max with her eyes tightly shut. Why did this have to be so hard? Why couldn’t she just push all those fears aside and let herself form that connection with Chloe?

She fought against herself in her mind, trying to push aside those deep seated fears and beliefs about her life. They were too intractable. Everywhere she looked was hopeless. Loneliness would come in the end.

They lay there until Max stopped shaking. Chloe spoke calm words she couldn’t hear, and stroked her hair, which she couldn’t feel. The episode left Max rather weak, requiring help to stand and return to the futon.

Under her blanket, Max curled against Chloe, wanting to feel her. Resting her head on her leg, she returned her thoughts to the earlier conversation. “Yes,” she said after a time, “I want to see Kate.”

“You sure,” Chloe said as she ran her fingers through Max’s hair.

“Yeah.”

“Ok, I’ll see if we can visit her before we go to your parents.”

Max nodded. They stayed that way well into the night, Max trying not to think about the future, just being in the moment. Chloe playing with her hair.

Tuesday came and they slipped back into their routine. Max was preoccupied with keeping herself focused in the here and now. The future, as far as she could tell, was already set. Now it was just a matter of when. Until then…well until then she could make everything good for Chloe.

Laundry, cooking, cleaning, anything Max could do, she did. At night she’d make special treats and drinks for Chloe to enjoy while they played games, or watched Netflix. More than once Chloe protested, and Max saw the sad looks she tried to hide. Giving Chloe the best, happiest experience in life was her mission now.

Before Max knew it, they were packing bags and throwing them into the car. Their short holiday break was upon them. The plan was to first head to Kate’s house to visit for the day. She had an extra room for them to stay in. Tomorrow they’d go to the Caulfields for the rest of the trip.

They left the apartment early. The drive to Kate’s was about two hours and they wanted to get there well before lunch. During the past weeks, the weather had warmed, removing most of the snow. The temperature was warm enough for sweatshirts, which Max particularly liked.

Dressed in one of her favorite hoodies, with good music and Chloe driving, Max was rather happy. A smile graced her face and she joined in making jokes with Chloe. Nothing unusual had happened in the last week and she had successfully driven most of the worries from her mind.

They pulled into Kate’s driveway a couple of hours later, Max singing softly to one of her songs. Their playlist was a mixture of both their music, which kept each of them engaged. She looked at the house as they pulled in. Set outside town, the house was an older ranch style with a detached garage. Trees lined the front lawn, giving it privacy from the street.

They stepped from the car, shut their doors, and walked to the porch. Inside came the sound of a young voice singing. Max caught Chloe’s hand before she could ring the bell. “Just a minute,” she whispered, “I want to listen.”

She didn’t recognize the song. Probably one the child had invented, but the tune was pleasant. The girl had a nice voice. Soft when needed, and powerful as well. A warmth settled into Max at hearing the singing. She could hear strains of Kate’s voice in her and that brought her a certain satisfaction. It was so good seeing Kate happy and with a good life.

Letting go of Chloe’s hand, she momentarily heard the doorbell ring. The girl stopped singing, instead crying out, “They’re here! They’re here!” Small feet pounded through the house and moments later someone was fiddling with the doorknob. The door didn’t open though.

“Emma,” came Kate’s voice, “did you check who it is before you tried to open the door?” The door opened then, letting out the smell of fresh bread and other good things. A bundle of energy exploded from the door and barreled into Chloe.

“Ho there, sailor,” Chloe said, “Permission to board yer ship?”

The girl giggled, before detaching herself from Chloe’s legs. “You’re funny,” she said with a smile. The next moment she launched herself at Max. For such a small thing, the girl nearly took Max down with her enthusiasm.

“It’s good to see you again, Emma,” Max said.

Kate held the door wide for them. “Come in, come in,” she said. A broad smile lit her face. Her hair was pinned back and it looked like flour dusted her arms. “Emma, let Max walk darlin’.”

Emma was fastened to Max’s leg, and wouldn’t let go. Laughing a little, Max strained to walk with the passenger. When that didn’t work, she stuck her fingers under the girl’s arms and tickled her. Emma fell away with a squeaky laugh, clamping her arms to her sides.

Kate greeted each with a hug and a kiss to the cheek. “I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice filled with warmth and joy. “Emma has been so excited since she found out you were coming to visit.”

“It’s not a problem at all,” Max assured her.

Shutting the door, Kate led them down a short hallway into a spacious room. Their house was one of the early open concept designs, where the kitchen and living room were one large room. Max spied a few loaves of bread cooling on racks.

Emma was pulling on Max’s hand, trying to lead her into the living room. “Be patient, Emma,” Kate chided. “We need to take care of our guests first.” Looking at the girls, Kate asked, “Do either of you need a drink, or something to eat?”

“I could use something to drink,” Max said. Chloe indicated the same.

“Emma dear, go to the kitchen and get the cups ready.” Emma nodded and, letting go of Max’s hand, scurried into the kitchen.

Kate used the time to give Max and Chloe a quick tour, pointing out their bedroom and where the restroom was. “Now then,” she said when they were back in the living room. “My husband went to the store and should be back shortly. Today, you are our guests and I want you to make yourselves comfortable.”

“Do you need help with anything,” Max asked.

Giving her a little smile, Kate said, “You are our guest, Max. Sit. Relax. I have a few things to finish and then we can spend some time together.” She waved them to the couch.

They seated themselves and Kate went into the kitchen to prepare their drinks. The living room was spacious and simple. A few photos hung on the walls, along with a few of Emma’s drawings. The girl reappeared once they were seated, juice box in hand. She plopped herself next to Max.

“Will you read me a story,” she asked.

“Maybe later,” Max said cheerfully. “Do you already have a story picked out.” The little girl nodded while sipping on her straw. Her little pigtails bounced with each move of her head. The bright light in her eyes was so infectious; it was so Kate Max couldn’t help but smile in return.

Kate brought a small tray to them, with drinks and slices of fresh bread slathered with butter. Max’s eyes got huge when she saw and smelled the bread. “This looks so delish,” she said. Eagerly accepting the food and drink, she set the cup on the side table and balanced the bread on her knees. With food and drink delivered, Kate returned to the kitchen.

Next to her, Emma was wriggling and bouncing. She was practically on Max’s lap, which is where Max suspected she wanted to be. “Emma,” Max said, “I’d like to see some pictures you’ve drawn. Can you bring me some to see.”

“Yes,” Emma cried as she slipped from the couch and scampered from the room.

“She is too cute,” Max said as Emma disappeared.

“Thank you,” Kate replied from the kitchen. “My parents adore her. She’s their only grandkid. I’m glad we live a few hours from them, otherwise they’d spoil her something fierce.”

Picking up the warm bread, Max inhaled the intoxicating scent. Chloe was already halfway through her slice, with butter smeared on each cheek. Taking a bite, Max closed her eyes in delight. “This…this is wonderful,” she exclaimed after swallowing the bite.

“Thanks,” Kate said from the kitchen. “Baking is something I picked up in school. My mom taught me when I wasn’t much older than Emma, but I didn’t like it then. Now, I find it peaceful and it gives my mind time to ponder other things.”

At her second bite, Emma came bounding into the room. A sheaf of papers was clutched in one hand. Behind her, a trail of paper littered the floor. Max suspected it went all the way to her room. Max worked to hide the smile it caused, but couldn’t. It didn’t matter though because Emma only thought Max was happy to see her.

“Look at these pichurs I drew,” she declared as she squirmed herself between Max and Chloe. Chloe snorted and slid aside to make room for the girl.

Emma began placing drawings on Max’s lap while she munched on the buttered bread. Each of them came with a story and were mostly typical kid drawings: unicorns, dragons, horses, princesses and the like. That is until she placed a drawing of Max and Chloe on her lap.

“Like my book,” Emma declared as she took her hand away. The drawing was really good. Definitely little kid style with bold lines and weird proportions, but both she and Chloe were recognizable. “Are you the Max from my book?” Emma looked at her with her bright eyes and it was hard to look away.

Max froze. She didn’t want to lie to the kid, but she also didn’t want to make things awkward so soon. She didn’t want awkwardness at all.

“Your mommy, made a story about her friends,” Chloe said, coming to her rescue. “She wanted to tell a story about friendship and what it means. Did you know that your mommy and I have been friends for a long time?”

Thank you, Max mouthed to Chloe, who gave her a wink. Emma turned her attention to Chloe for a while, leaving Max time to finish her bread. The picture captivated her. It was the scene near the end of the story where Max and Chloe had vanquished the big meanies. Where Chloe had helped Max defeat loneliness. Her sight blurred a little at the thought.

Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she finished the bread. Her eyes moved from the picture to studying the room. A wood stove was set in the far corner and a TV opposite the couch. A loveseat was angled close to the couch and a throw rug lay in the middle.

The pictures on the wall were of Kate’s family. Her husband was nice looking, with short dark hair and green eyes. The door opened then and Emma leaped from the couch with a squeal. The girl certainly seemed to love life and the people in her life.

“Daddy,” she cried as she ran to the hall. Moments later a man emerged, a little taller than Chloe. He was carrying Emma with one arm, and several bags with the other arm.

“Oh honey,” Kate said as she pried the girl away from her dad. “If you want to help daddy, bring in some of the groceries.”

Kate and her husband greeted each other with a kiss. Then she brought him over to meet Max and Chloe. “Lewis is my name,” he said with a grin. “I’ve been looking forward to today for a while.”

When it came to greeting Chloe, he pulled her into a warm hug. “You are always welcome in our home,” he said as he let her go.

“It’s been awhile,” Chloe said as she sauntered backwards from him.

“The blue is a nice look,” he said as he turned to look at Max. He held out his hand. “You must be Max.”

She accepted his hand and shook it. “She’s the one in my book,” Emma exclaimed. Lewis looked at his daughter, then at Max.

“You’ll have to tell me about that,” he said. “Later though. Right now I’ve groceries to bring in.”

Max and Chloe offered to help but Lewis declined. He and Kate disappeared outside. Emma used the opportunity to grab Max’s hand and pull on it. “Come to my room,” she urged.

“Wow Max, she really likes you,” Chloe said. “Kind of like how my little cousins were all over you during Thanksgiving.”

Max gave Chloe a weak smile. She was not going to think about that right now. “Ok, Emma,” she said, “show me your room.” Emma took off at a run, dragging her behind. Max couldn’t help laughing at the little girl’s enthusiasm.

Emma’s room was just as you’d imagine a little kids room. Her art decorated the walls, with a few store-bought pictures. Toys were strewn across the floor and what looked like dress-up costumes were thrown across the foot of the bed. Despite the appearance of chaos, the room was rather neat and tidy. Max realized it was because the number of toys was limited.

Emma pulled Max to a small, round table in the corner and seated herself in one of the chairs. Moving hers further from the table, Max seated herself. “Let’s draw,” Emma said as she shoved a sketchpad across to her.

Sometime later Kate found them there, drawing. Paper was strewn across the table and on the floor around them. “Thank you,” Kate said, placing a hand on Max’s shoulder, “but you didn’t have to play with her.”

“I’m really happy to do this, Kate,” Max said, looking up at her. Chloe was behind her, smiling.

* * *

“Congratulations,” the social worker said. “Everything has checked out. You are approved for adopting.”

“Hella cool,” Chloe said, scooting forward in her seat.

Max smiled at her, then focused her attention on the lady across the table from them. “What are our next steps.”

“Well,” the lady said, after consulting the papers in front of her. “You need to keep your savings in good order, and maintain your stable home conditions. We’ll do periodic checks before and after adoption.

“As for your next steps…” Her voice trailed into silence as she looked up at the two young women beaming with joy. “There are two possibilities. You could meet with potential birth mothers, and children waiting for adoption.”

“Birth mother…you mean someone who’s currently pregnant?”

The social worker nodded at Chloe’s question. “Yes.”

Max looked at Chloe, the excitement so real she could almost touch it. “When can we meet a potential birth mother?”

* * *

No, no, no, no! Those thoughts kept roiling through Max’s mind as the vision faded. Something welled up inside her, threatening to explode. She stood up, sending the chair tumbling behind her.

“What is potenshul birth mother,” she heard Emma ask.

Kate and Chloe stood, their eyes unfocused. Max stumbled from the room and down the hall toward the living room. No! Not this memory! Not now!

Lewis looked at her, his head at an angle as she stumbled toward the door. “Whoa! Are you alright, Max,” he asked, “you’ve got blue stuff all over you!”

She didn’t know what she said to him as she opened the door and went outside. She made it as far as the porch before collapsing in a heap. Through her mind kept tumbling those words about adopting. The hope and joy she and Chloe had experienced with that meeting taunted her. They sent painful jabs at her heart.

Hands fumbled at her shoulders, at her arms. She could hear voices, Chloe and Kate. Maybe they were calling her name. She didn’t know or care. She stood suddenly, thrusting their arms away and started running.

They called her name, but she ignored that. She had to run, had to get away from the memories and the sadness and the pain and the loneliness and the darkness that wanted to consume her!

It was the silence that told her. That and the lack of wind as she ran. She was in the stillness. She ran until she couldn’t run anymore and collapsed again. Huddling herself to wrap her arms around her knees, she rested her forehead on them and forced herself back into the stream of time.

How long she sat there, she didn’t know. She tried and tried to push those memories deep, to bury them. It was pointless really, because they were out and others knew. Just like her life shared with Chloe.

Her insides were fraying, thinning into indiscernible strands washed out by the tide of circumstance. All those memories and feelings she’d locked away so tightly were loose and unraveling her.

Her teeth were chattering and she was shivering fiercely when she felt hands on her. Both Chloe and Kate were kneeling next to her when she raised her head. Chloe threw a coat around her. “You’re glowing again, more than before,” she whispered.

She looked down at herself. Sure enough, blue lines whorled and angled across her hands. “Go away,” she said, without really meaning it.

“No can do, Max,” Chloe said as she worked to get the coat on her.

“They’re beautiful,” Kate said, “What are they?”

“We don’t know,” Chloe told her. “Come on Max, let’s get you back to the house.”

She let them pull her up into a standing position. She was in a group of trees, not far from the road. “How…,” she tried to speak but her throat was dry and her voice cracked.

“How did we find you,” Chloe asked as she pulled her along. Max nodded in response.

“There’s something I didn’t tell you before. I…knew where you were. Just like in Arcadia Bay that day. I knew you were at the lighthouse. I knew you were at the junkyard. It’s not something I can explain…just something I know.”

Max’s mind tried to latch onto that as Chloe helped her into the back seat. The explanation slipped away as quickly as Chloe offered it. Chloe slid in next to her, buckled them both in, then slipped her arm around Max.

“Can we…not go back to your house yet,” Max asked. “I’m…still not with it…enough.”

“Sure,” Kate said. Pulling out her phone she called Lewis to let him know the situation.

Max buried her head against Chloe’s shoulder. “Anyplace you want to go,” Chloe asked her.

Shaking her head, Max said, “just…not around children right now.”

The car started and she felt it begin to move. No one spoke for a while and Kate left the radio off. Max kept her eyes closed as she focused on the touch and feel and sensation of Chloe next to her. The scent of her shampoo and body wash. The feel of her shoulder, the muscle and bone underneath. The way her arm curved around Max.

“Is it ok to talk about what we…saw,” Chloe cautiously asked.

After a time Max said, “Yes.”

“Since I never saw a child in your…our memories, does that mean the adoption never happened?”

“The disaster came.” Her dead voice was muffled by Chloe’s arm.

More silence then. The car was in motion and Max kept her face hidden and eyes shut.

“And you reset the timeline?”

Max nodded.

“When you reset,” there was a hesitation in Chloe’s voice, drawing out her words. “What happens to the timelines.”

It took Max a long time to answer. “There’s only one timeline,” she finally said. “When I reset…events, history, whatever that just happened is undone. Many things never repeat. Others do…just differently.

“I’ve…checked. The…the mother…she’s not…she’s not alive.” Something inside her broke away at the admission. The hollowness inside grew bigger, more insistent.

Her answer fell into the silence of the car, crashing whatever thoughts the others had.

“Damn.” Chloe whispered into the fractured silence.

“What was the name you chose?” It was Kate speaking now, her voice soft and filled with a tenderness beyond even what she normally expressed.

“River.” Max noticed the car had stopped. She lifted her head and opened her eyes. They were parked in front of what looked like a strip mall. Kate’s head rested on the steering wheel.

“There’s a place inside where we can sit and talk,” Kate said as she lifted her head. There was an added quality to her voice that Max couldn’t quite place, They got out of the car and Kate unlocked one of the doors. Glancing at the sign on the window, Max saw it was a business that focused on childhood development.

Kate led them down a hall with several rooms branching off to a large room at the end. She flicked on the lights revealing several comfortable chairs and a sofa. Hanging her coat on a coat tree behind the door, Kate said, “Make yourselves comfortable. I’ll turn up the heat, start the coffee, and be right back.”

She disappeared the way they came. Max and Chloe hung their coats on the tree as well then looked around. The room seemed inviting with its warm color scheme and friendly, homelike setting. Max sat on the end of the couch, nestled between the arm and the back.

Moments later, Chloe sat next to her. Bending forward, with her elbows on her knees, she asked, “How are you feeling?”

Turning her head to look at the wall, Max was very conscious of her hands clasped tightly between her knees. “The honest truth? It fucking hurts. Like every time…but worse with this.”

Chloe leaned back and pulled Max’s hands into her lap. She wrapped them with hers, holding them close to her body. “What can I do?”

Not fucking die. Prevent a cataclysm that she could feel building, just as sure as she could feel hunger and pain. “Hold me.”

Dropping her hands, Chloe slipped her arms around Max and pulled her close. Max still couldn’t look at her, keeping her eyes focused on her knees. Her own arms wrapped around Chloe. They sat that way until Kate returned with three coffees.

Accepting her mug from Kate, Max wrapped her hands around it. The first sip felt really good. Kate dragged one of the chairs over to be closer to them.

Once all were seated, comfortable, and sipping their coffees, Kate reached across and touched Max’s hand. Her voice took on that same warm, tender tone, as she asked, “is it ok to talk about River?”

Max nodded around another sip.

“When would River’s birthday be?”

Focusing her mind and eyes on the feel of Kate’s fingers touching her, Max said, “May 31st.”

There was a pause then and Kate removed her hand. Max looked up to see Kate dab the corners of her eyes. “Do you think of River every May 31st?”

“Yes.”

“If it isn’t too hard for you, please tell us what you’re feeling right now.”

Setting her cup aside, Max looked at her hands. They wanted to do something, to redirect the energy inside her. “Hollow. Empty,” she said in a small voice. “Like an imposter. Guilty. Sad.” Her hands crept to her lap to pluck the edge of her hoodie. Chloe took them into her own again.

Kate nodded at her words, not a hint of judgement on her face. “What do you mean about feeling like an imposter?”

“Like I shouldn’t have these emotions. I wasn’t pregnant with River. They weren’t my child, not really. I’m not a real mother so why should I get to have these emotions?”

Kate rested her hand again on Max. “Your emotions are real, though, Max. It doesn’t matter that you weren’t physically pregnant with River. The way you thought and felt about River is what makes you River’s mom. Watching you with Emma…you would be a great mom…are a great mom.”

Her words made Max’s eyesight blurry and she pressed a hand against her eyes. Wiping her tears on her pants, she looked back at Kate. Chloe began rubbing her back lightly.

“You aren’t disrespecting me by feeling that way about River.” Her sight nearly disappeared after Kate spoke those words. That was part of her guilt, feeling like she disrespected other mothers, real mothers. Those who had been pregnant.

Kate’s eyes left Max and trailed up to a corner of the room. When she spoke again her voice was so soft Max could barely hear it. “It wasn’t that long ago when I mourned a lost child. No matter how long…that hole just never goes away.”

Despite her own pain, Max gasped at that. Her hand reached out to take Kate’s. “I’m so sorry,” she murmured. Chloe echoed her.

“I’d like to share my experience with the hope that it can help you, if that is ok?”

“Please do.”

Kate smiled sadly at that, squeezing her hand a little. “When Emma was about fourteen months old, I became pregnant again.” She paused, looking at Max, but focused on something else. “We were so excited, thinking about having a second child. A few months into the pregnancy…I lost little Jules.

“That was…is so hard. Every day I wonder how Emma and Jules together would be…what kind of person would Jules be? Would Emma be the big sister like I was, or something different? What things would Jules like or dislike?

“Each year on the day I lost Jules, and the week Jules would have been born…those are particularly painful. To think of what might have been…to wonder did I do something wrong? Like…was I under too much stress with college and work and parenting that it was too much for my body…for Jules…

”It didn’t matter that Jules never drew a breath, never came into this world. To us…Jules was…is real.”

Her eyes focused on Max then, both sorrowful and warm. “River is just as real to you. Our experiences aren’t the same, but I believe the pain you feel is.”

Numbly, Max nodded. What Kate just shared with them was deeply personal and it moved her.

“We’ve…never tried to have another baby since,” Kate continued. “It was, IS, hard on Lewis also. He loves being a father so much. Losing little Jules was painful for both of us. Just like losing River is painful for you.”

Max tried to say something, but words just wouldn’t come. “I’m…I’m so sorry about Jules,” she said finally.

Kate gave her a weak smile. “Thank you. It took me the longest time to stop…blaming myself…thinking maybe there was something I could have, should have done. Actually…I still think that at times. The point I’m trying to make…” she moved to the edge of her seat to peer clearly into Max’s eyes, “What I want you to know is it wasn’t your fault. You weren’t to blame for what happened to River.”

Kate’s words, so pure and simple, unleashed something in her. Her eyes fell and she turned her face aside as her sight blurred again. Covering her face with her hands, she said, “but it was. It was my fault! If I hadn’t stayed close to Chloe…if I had left or moved or made her hate me, then River would be alive!”

“You don’t know that,” Chloe said softly. “You don’t know what would have happened Max. You don’t control time and circumstance. For all you know River’s birth mother would never have conceived.”

“That doesn’t…” Her voice came out choked as her legs came onto the couch. Pressing her head against her knees, she hid herself from their view. “That doesn’t help,” she finally managed to get out. “It was my choice. My choice! I chose all the things that brought the destruction. I chose to…to love you. I chose to marry you. I chose to pursue having children!

“Don’t you get it?” She raised a tear streaked face to look at them. “I’m to blame. For…for all of this!”

“You’re not to blame though,” Kate’s quiet words cut through her frustration. “Time and unforeseen events befall all of us. You aren’t the master of time, Max. You’ve been given an ability none of us understand and you have tried to use it in a very noble way. You don’t make our choices and circumstances. We do. Don’t take responsibility for what you shouldn’t.”

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Kate. I really do. But I just…I just don’t believe it. You haven’t seen what I’ve seen. You haven’t had my experiences. You haven’t…you haven’t held in your arms the person you love and watched them draw their last breath, knowing she’s there because of that ability, because of your choice! And seeing it happen time and time again!”

Max ducked her head again, hiding from them as her words tore through the room. The glow had returned and surged in strength as she spoke. Even with her eyes closed, and arms covering her head, she could see it.

She always blamed everything on that choice, but truthfully she didn’t know what or who to blame, other than herself. There must be some flaw, something so inherently wrong with her that the universe just wanted to fuck over every good thing she tried to do.

Kate and Chloe said other things to her, things she didn’t hear. Her mind and attention was focused inward, trying to muster control of any kind. After a time everything went silent. A hand gently caressed her hair. She didn’t respond to it. Her insides were still unsettled.

Not for the first or last time she cursed herself, her ability, her lack of understanding. Whatever was happening, she certainly hoped someone somewhere was taking perverse pleasure in her pain of heart. Another forced event was coming, she was sure of it. What she wasn’t sure of is whether she could go on.

An arm draped over her, pulling her tight against someone. She recognized the feel and scent of Chloe. “It will be ok, Max,” She whispered. “We’ll figure out a way forward.”

Where did she get such…optimism? Max raised her head to look at her. “If only I could believe that,” she said.

“Let me believe for you.”

A hand took hers and she looked across to see Kate holding it. “I’ll believe for you as well, Max.”

Squeezing Kate’s hand lightly, she looked at both of them. “I wish it worked that way. My life…” She shook her head at the dark thoughts, seeking to banish them. You are my number one priority. Those words uttered in stress and fear and pain and hope had never stopped being true.

Forcing a smile to her face, Max stood and said, “Let’s get out of here. We have a day to spend together.”

Chloe stood and laid hold of her arm. “No, Max. Don’t shut us out. What were you going to say about your life?”

The smile slipped from Max, as easy as it went on. In the awkward silence, Kate stood. Her hand brushed Chloe’s. “She may not want to talk about it right now,” she offered in a quiet voice.

Chloe’s eyes narrowed, then her whole face softened. “You’re right, Kate,” she said. She let go of Max’s arm. “You shared a lot with us today. I’m sorry about pushing you for more. It’s just…you keep so much inside you! I know you hurt…I want to help you with it.”

Max rubbed Chloe’s shoulder lightly. “You do help me with it.” She looked at Kate, then back at Chloe. “Sometimes…I have my limit. Right now…right now I don’t need more talk. I need to be with my friends!”

Reaching out, Chloe gave Max a hug. “I’m sorry,” she said into Max’s shoulder. “I just worry so much about you!”

“Thank you. Now, let’s get back to Kate’s family.”

“Are you sure,” Kate asked. “Will you be ok being around my family?”

“It will hurt,” Max said, “but as I told Chloe before, everything hurts. I’d rather have a little happiness mixed with the pain, then no happiness and only pain. Your daughter is a gem, Kate. I wish…If I ever have a daughter that she’s like Emma.”


	20. Chapter 20

Kate looked at Chloe, then back at Max. “That’s very sweet, Max. Emma really likes you too. She’s been talking non-stop about you all week. I’ve never seen her focus on someone so long.”

Max ignored the sinking sensation Kate’s words caused. “Thank you for sharing your experience with me,” she said to Kate. “I’m sorry about Jules. Hearing about you and Lewis and little Jules, as painful is it is, did help.”

Kate stood and gave her a hug. “I’m glad,” she said to Max. “I know that pain never goes away and time doesn’t heal it. It just kind of softens it. I’m always here if or when you need to talk more.”

Smiling at her, Max gave her another hug in return. “Thank you.”

Chloe joined them in a quick hug, they gathered their items and left the office. “Did I scare Emma,” Max asked as they got into the car.

“You didn’t do anything,” Kate said. “The vision surprised her. It confused her more than anything. Your running…that…concerned her.”

Nodding at her response, Max put her seatbelt on. Chloe held her hand as they drove back to Kate’s house. The drive was short, barely letting Max get her thoughts in order. They pulled up to the house and her stomach rumbled.

“Hmm, I think our Max is hungry,” Kate said as she got out of the car. “I know just the thing for that!”

Max cautiously walked into the house, not wanting to really face Lewis or Emma. Her glow had faded before they left the business, but she knew they had seen it as well.

Lewis nodded to her as they came into the living room. Emma was playing with some toys. She looked up, her eyes getting really big when she saw Max. Max waved at her, but Emma just stayed where she was.

Coming over to her, Max knelt close, but not too close to her. “Hi,” she said timidly. Emma waved a little. “Can you tell me what you’re playing?”

“Mommy said you’re special,” Emma said, looking directly at her. “Is that why you made that story appear?”

“Which story is that, Emma?”

“The one about getting a baby.”

There was such innocent curiosity in Emma’s gaze. No judgement, or anything negative, just pure innocence in the way she looked at Max. Picking up one of the blocks she was building with, Max studied it. “I don’t know about being special,” Max said after a time, “but how about I tell you a story. Would you like that?”

A bright light came into Emma’s eyes when she heard that. Little dimples appeared in her cheeks when she smiled, increasing her cuteness tenfold. “What is the story about?”

“It’s about a little girl, who found her best friend.”

“Is it an advenchur?”

“It is very much an adventure.”

Emma nodded. Her little pig tails bounced wildly, so enthusiastic was her nodding. She lost her hesitation and crawled into Max’s lap as Max told the story of how she and Chloe met as little kids.

The day moved on into afternoon and evening. Kate provided a simple lunch of sandwiches and fruit. Chloe made a joking remark about letting Max make the sandwiches so their taste buds would explode. Max, Kate, and Chloe were able to spend some time together after lunch.

They sat on the back porch, a wooden deck that Kate and Lewis had built the last summer. Warm drinks were at hand and Emma was playing in the yard, running around kicking and chasing some balls. She was in her own world, having adventures.

Max’s eyes stayed on Emma, watching her play. Both memories of her and Chloe’s lost childhood, and unknown possibilities about River went through her mind. Emma sang songs and cried great cries while she played.

Stirring from her contemplation, Max looked at Kate. “May I ask you something personal,” she asked. Sipping from her hot tea, Kate nodded her permission.

“When you and I were friends,” Max began slowly, “you were…quite religious. I think some kind of conservative Christian religion. You held abstinence meetings at school.” A fond smile warmed her face as she remembered having tea with Kate.

“Are you religious?”

Kate smiled. “Yes, my religion is still dear to me. Maybe not to the same degree as in that other time.”

“You’ve heard and seen some…bizarre stuff while around me. What do you think of it? I mean…won’t you get in trouble with your congregation or something?”

Kate sipped more from her tea. Her gaze turned thoughtful while she considered the question. Setting her tea cup on the small table between them, she looked at Max. “How can I deny what I experienced? I didn’t go searching for those experiences, nor were they an attempt to lead me from the way.

“I’m not the kind of person who puts a negative label on something I don’t understand. At the same time I’m not going to discuss it with members of my congregation, because some are just like you’d expect.”

Sipping her own tea, Max considered Kate’s answer. “What about Lewis or Emma?”

“Emma has a very active imagination,” Kate said. She picked up her tea and drank some of it. “The congregation is used to the fanciful tales she makes up. If she talks about what she saw, people will think it’s just her making up a story.

“As for Lewis. I will need to talk with him. Is it ok, Max, to share with him what you’ve shared with me? I’ll share only what is needed, nothing personal.”

Max nodded. “Yes, I’m fine with that.”

“What about…” Max let her eyes drift to the trees, then the sky. “What about having us as friends?”

Tilting her head, Kate said, “What do you mean?”

“I think she means ‘lesbians’,” Chloe said. Her voice took on a sharp, cutting tone when she said the word. Kate snorted, then covered her mouth while she laughed.

“I’m sorry,” Kate said once she composed herself, “for laughing. You know you won’t find any hatred or dislike for you in my house, Chloe. I just…never expected you to use that kind of tone in my presence.”

She reached out and touched Chloe’s hand. “But, I suppose,” she said after a pause, “you can’t always depend upon people to stay the same. I’m in the majority so I won’t have your experiences…experiences I truly wish you didn’t have to have…no one should have.”

Looking between Max and Chloe, she set her tea cup down and took up Max’s hand as well. “Let me tell you a little story,” she said. “The business we were at today, that’s my business. Not long after it opened a same-sex couple enrolled their child.

“A couple of weeks later, one of my private investors learned about it and wanted to pull their funding unless I expelled the child. The investor claimed religious reasons for the decisions, stating some of the family activities would ‘expose’ other children to lifestyles they couldn’t support.”

Kate looked down, hiding her eyes. Her hands squeezed theirs a little. Max found herself scooting forward on her chair to be a little closer to her. “Lewis and I discussed it. If that funding was pulled…I’d have to close the business. I didn’t…it didn’t feel right to me to do that. Jesus taught me to love my neighbor as myself. He didn’t teach me to hate them.”

Her head raised again. A few tears were trickling down her cheeks. “I told the investor I would not expel the child. They pulled the funding. Lewis though…” she looked into the distance, eyes unfocused. “He still won’t tell me how he did it. He somehow managed to find some other investors to loan me the money. It wasn’t the same amount, I had to let someone go, but it was enough to keep us open.”

She fell into silence for a while. Max and Chloe looked at each other. Max opened her mouth to say something when Kate whispered, “The private investor was my mother.” Looking again at each girl in turn, Kate gave them a sad smile. “I love my mother…but she made it very clear what she thinks of my decision.”

Looking at Chloe, Max said, “But…weren’t you working at your mother’s store over the Christmas holiday? Why…why do things for her if she treats you like that?”

Kate stayed silent a while, her gaze falling to her lap. “That’s a really good question,” she finally said, “and I don’t have a good answer for it.” She sighed and looked at Max. “I suppose…there’s some obligation there…she is my mom. What I tell myself though, is that I do it so my sisters have a good role model. They see me treat my mother with kindness and warmth, even though she treats me coldly.”

In the silence that ensued, Emma’s singing and laughter drifted to their ears. Max watched her running across the backyard.

“As for you and Chloe,” Kate’s said, her voice having returned to its normal warmth. “Both of you have shown me nothing but love and respect. You’ve never made fun of me, or my beliefs. Lewis and I are well aware of who you are. As far as we are concerned, Chloe is a good friend that helped me when no one else would. And you Max, are her hipster girlfriend.”

She giggled at the end, which made Max think of Emma. They were so much alike. And just like Emma, Kate’s giggling was infectious. Before she knew it, she was giggling as well.

“That’s a very moving story,” Max said when she finally composed herself.

Kate had let go of their hands and was busy finishing her tea. She smiled at them, then looked at Chloe. “You could say I had good teachers. Even though I was known as the self-righteous Christian at Blackwell, Chloe and Steph looked beyond those words to help me. If they hadn’t helped me…I think I would be more like my mother.”

Chloe interrupted her with a snort. “I’ve met your mother,” she said warmly, “you are and were nothing like her. Yes, you had your little ways and those after school programs you ran, but you never once looked at me the way she does.” She visibly shivered as she said that.

From there the conversation turned to more mundane things. Chloe and Kate reminisced about Blackwell, with Chloe providing a few stories of her exploits.

As evening came and wore into night an anxious anticipation crept into Max. Tomorrow they’d go to her parents. She had agreed to tell them what was going on. How her parents would respond to that was a great unknown. That uncertainty brought about the anxiety.

After dinner, the family and guests played games until it was time to sleep. Max and Chloe had the room next to Emma’s, while the parent’s room was at the other end of the hall. The bed was smaller than the futon, just large enough for the two of them. They didn’t mind because it meant tighter snuggling. Max wrapped Chloe’s arm around her and held her hand to her heart, letting her comfort and presence soothe the anxiety still churning inside.

  


The night was cold and the stars bright. Max stepped softly onto the back porch to peer up at the night sky. Kate’s house was just far enough away from town to allow good night sky visibility. She looked at the twinkling band of stars splashed across the sky.

Someone approached her from behind, a presence familiar and welcome. Settling back into the beckoning embrace, she closed her eyes. A warmth long missed infused her and the tension melted from her.

“What are you afraid of?”

Stirring a little from the question, Max kept her eyes closed as she said, “Losing you…again.”

“Have you really lost me though?”

She immersed herself deeper into the warmth behind her. “I have buried you more times than I can count. I…don’t know if my heart can take it any more. I…took a chance to know and love you again…but I’m still so lonely. Any day now…I will have to bury you again and that hurts so much.”

Fingers traced along her cheek, brushing aside the tears that had gathered there. “You’re right that I’ve never felt that pain…can never truly understand what you sacrificed. I can see that pain though, my Captain. It’s eating away at you, a poison slowly breaking you.”

“I was already broken.” Her voice was wispy and strained.

“The longer you hold onto that loneliness, the more it will seep into you and destroy you. You’ll reach a point…soon…where you’ll be too broken…”

“What do you suggest?”

She felt the hold on her tighten as lips came close to her ear. “Stop pushing everyone away. Stop protecting your heart.”

“But…my heart is the reason I’m broken.”

“No. You’re broken because you haven’t allowed yourself to heal. You haven’t allowed yourself to hope and love!”

The warmth in her turned and sped away from these words. In its place came the roiling emptiness that steeped her inner self. “I…I can’t. I…just can’t.”

Lips kissed the back of her head and the warmth around her fell away. “You need to,” she said as she slipped away.

Max leaned against the porch railing, suddenly cold and shivering. She was alone on the porch again. When she looked at the stars all she saw was a white blur. Putting her head down, she thought about what was just said. Loneliness. Love. Pain.

Her heart really wanted to love Chloe, to open itself to everything a relationship had to offer. At the same time the pain of loss was still too fresh, too harsh to accept.

Hands gently clasped her shoulders while she pondered. “It’s almost 2 in the morning,” Chloe whispered to her. “What are you doing out here?”

“Thinking,” she said in response.

“Come to bed before you get sick.”

She let herself be pulled away, back into the house, back into Chloe’s arms in bed. Turning to face Chloe, she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. With face pressed into her chest, she willed herself to fall asleep.

  


Kate woke them bright and early with song and cheer. Well, Emma did the singing. And the jumping into bed with them. All three adults were surprised at that. Chloe used the opportunity to tickle the girl’s sides. Shaking with laughter, Emma rolled off the bed and made a silly face at Chloe.

“Breakfast will be ready in fifteen minutes girls,” Kate said.

“Damned morning people,” Chloe said with a grin. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost eight and high time you girls got up and ready.”

Max agreed with Chloe’s sentiment, but she was already awake. Sort of. She hadn’t really slept the rest of the night. Instead she had dozed off and on, worries about her parents and the turmoil inside keeping her awake.

Both dragged themselves out of bed and readied themselves for the day. That included packing their stuff away for the short trip to Max’s parents. Setting her bag by the door, Max sat herself at the table.

Breakfast was healthy stacks of pancakes (Emma’s with chocolate chips and ears), eggs, bacon, and fruit. Lewis did most of the cooking, with Kate organizing the table and bringing the food and drinks.

Everything was delicious and breakfast was over before Max realized it. She and Chloe helped clear the table, but neither Lewis nor Kate allowed them to help clean. They washed up, brushed their teeth, and slipped their toiletries into their bags.

Kate gave Max a long hug as they stood by the car. “Thank you for coming,” she said as she held Max at arms length. “Call me when you get to your parents. Call me when you get home.” Max nodded and gave her a weak smile.

Emma had held back when it was clear they were leaving. Before Max could get into the car though, she came running up and threw herself at her. Max caught her in a great big hug. “Goodbye, my special girl,” Max whispered to her. “Keep listening to your parents and drawing and singing and making stories.”

Emma didn’t say anything as she stepped away with a trembling lip. Max had to turn her head to keep the sight from driving something into her heart. Lewis shook their hands and thanked them for their visit. Kate gave each one more hug, then they were in the car and Chloe turned it on.

“Next stop, the Caulfield Estate in Seattle,” she said.

Max snorted. “No estate there. Just a regular house.”

Chloe flashed her a smile as she backed out of the driveway. Blaring some high energy punk music, Max watched Kate and her family slip from view as they left. She dreaded the thought of changing Kate’s life with a reset.

The drive to her parent’s house went quickly. They pulled into the driveway less than an hour later. Max closed her eyes as Chloe turned the motor off. A hand took hers. “You don’t have to tell them right away,” Chloe said softly.

Opening her eyes and giving Chloe a small smile, Max said, “That’s not what’s on my mind. The whole…visit and being with them is.”

“I’ve got your back,” Chloe said simply. Max allowed her smile to broaden. They got out of the car and Max walked over to take Chloe’s hand.

“I think I’ll tell them today, maybe tonight,” Max said.

“Get it over with so it’s not nagging you the rest of the visit?”

Nodding her head, Max led them to the front door. She paused there. Should she just walk in, or ring the bell? After a few moments hesitation, she pressed the doorbell.

A minute or two later, the door opened and Ryan stood looking at them. His face immediately lit with a smile and he opened the door wide. “Max! Chloe,” he declared. He stood aside, beckoning them in. “Nessa! They’re here,” he called.

They stepped into the area between dining room and living room. Sounds of activity came from the kitchen and then Vanessa appeared, apron on and signs of cooking about her. She came to them with cautious excitement. The smile on her lips didn’t match the indescribable look in her eyes.

Giving each girl a quick hug, she looked at Max while Ryan closed the door. “Your rooms are ready with fresh sheets and plenty of space for your stuff.”

Chloe glanced quickly at Max. “Rooms,” she questioned. “Your daughter and-oof!” Whatever she was going to say was cut off by Max’s elbow to her side.

Giving Chloe a hard look, Max stepped forward and gave her mom a hug. “Thank you so much, mom,” she said. “We’ll get our bags and put them away.”

“We’ve fresh coffee,” Ryan said. “Once you put your things away, come into the kitchen.” Max smiled and acknowledged that then the two headed to the car.

“What’s with the elbow,” Chloe asked as she opened the car door.

Giving her another look, Max said, “Let’s not start something within the first five minutes. Look, my mom isn’t like Joyce. She’s pretty judgmental and it takes her a while to adapt to new things. Throwing something in her face makes it even harder for her to adapt.”

Handing a bag to Max, Chloe said, “What about your dad?”

“He’s pretty cool.” She paused to consider the sky for a few moments. Clouds and contrails lined it. “He and William were best friends…it’s one of the things I regret…”

A hand bumped her shoulder, bringing her eyes earthward. “Hey,” Chloe said, “Don’t go all wistful and sad Max on me within the first five minutes.”

Max tightened her lips but didn’t say anything. A few moments later she relaxed into a smile. “Touche Captain Blue.” Slapping her shoulder lightly, Chloe directed them back to the house.

They entered and went to the second floor. The hall went in two directions, with the master suite at one end, and the guest room and Max’s room at the other end. A bathroom was in between.

Max opened the door to her room and stepped inside. It had been five years and many, many timelines since she’d been in this room. She didn’t know the person that had lived here, not really. Throwing her bag on the foot of the bed, she sat down and looked around. And realized Chloe had followed her in.

Chloe threw her bag down by Max’s and plopped herself on the bed as well. She scanned the room, album covers on the walls, a few knick knacks on the dresser.

“So this is the bedroom of a hipster child,” Chloe said, craning her neck to take in everything.

“It’s the room of a stranger,” Max said. “It creeps me out being in here.”

“Why’s that?”

It took a while for Max to formulate an answer. “You’re seeing the remnants of what I was before all this started. Remnants, because nothing from you is present.”

Chloe took that answer in, still scanning the room. “What did you have from me?”

“Photos of us, a music box you’d hacked to play one of your songs, a snow globe with a pirate ship. Some toys we’d made together…” She let her voice trail off as she lay down.

“The music box was one of my favorites. You were really good with your hands,” she ignored a wise crack Chloe made at that, “always building things and tinkering. You bought a music box and figured out how the electronics worked. Somehow you replaced the crappy princess song it came with using one of your favorite punk songs that you knew I liked.

“It was my present for my twelfth birthday.” Fingers had entwined themselves in hers and she thought of that day so long ago. What she wouldn’t give at this moment to be innocent again, not knowing about time and choices and consequences. The distant memory of a gunshot forced her from that.

Sitting up she looked down at Chloe lounging on the blanket. “The last time I was in here was after…”

Propping herself on her elbow as Max’s voice faded away, Chloe touched her thigh. “After you lost her?”

Nodding, Max swallowed hard. “I stayed in here all summer, barely going out for anything. I haven’t been back since.”

“So…sleep in here, or the guest room?”

Chloe’s single-minded focus made Max smile. “Let’s sleep in here. I’d rather good memories be made here for once.”

Frowning as she sat up, Chloe said, “Does that mean I’ve never been here?”

“That’s right, you are the first of all the Chloe’s to see my fortress of solitude.”

Chloe made no comment about that. Rising from the bed she grabbed her bag. “Let’s get our stuff put away and then see about that coffee.”

It took just a few minutes to empty their bags, depositing stuff in Max’s old dresser and throwing the bags into the closet. They dropped their toiletries in the restroom then headed downstairs.

Ryan and Vanessa were both in the kitchen, where the smell of cooking food drew them. “Hey girls,” Ryan said as they entered. “Let me get you the coffee. We’ve got lunch on the stove, but it won’t be ready for a while.”

“That’s good,” Max said, “Because we had breakfast only two hours ago.”

He poured two cups from his French press, passing them the cups and pointing at sugar and cream. Max made hers to her liking and took a sip. A little on the strong side, but good. Ryan gestured to the table just outside the kitchen. The four of them wandered to it and sat down.

They made small talk for a while, but it quickly died into silence. They each stared at their mugs. “So…uh, what do you do for work, Chloe,” Ryan asked. Perking up a bit, Chloe told him about her current job.

While they chatted, Max drained the rest of her coffee. Staring a few moments into its empty depths, she eventually rose and went into the kitchen. Rinsing the cup, she put it into the dishwasher then opened the fridge. Pulling out a container of juice, she poured herself a cup.

When she wandered from the kitchen, she paused only a moment in the dining area before going into the living room. A large tree stood in the corner, crowding the large TV attached to the wall. It was larger than any she remembered as a kid and all the decorations looked new. Standing close to it, she sipped her juice and studied the tree.

Pulling out her phone, she dialed Kate. She answered on the first ring with a warm hello. They chatted just a few minutes, Max giving her an update on herself and how her parents were. She could hear Emma singing in the background. After promising she’d call if anything went wrong, she said goodbye and slipped her phone back into her pocket.

Taking another sip from her juice, she returned her gaze to the tree.

“It’s our first tree since you left home,” her dad said. His voice so surprised her she almost dropped her cup. “Well, almost. We had one the first Christmas you were in college. Your mom got rid of everything when you didn’t come.”

Ouch. She knew that was her mom being mad at her, and was very typical. Vanessa often redirected her anger, and happiness, into other things instead of the people who were the real target.

“We had to go buy new decorations as well,” he said with a chuckle.

“Looks like you over did it a bit,” she said, ”you can barely see the tree.”

That brought a real laugh from her dad. His rich baritone rolled around the room bringing a smile to her own face. It had been a long time since hearing that. He draped a fatherly arm around her shoulders as his laughter stilled.

“It’s really good to have you back home,” he said, “I hope we can make more visits happen.” Before she could respond, he gave her a quick hug and moved the conversation on. “Do you remember that gag gift we got for your mother when you were sixteen?”

No, she didn’t. That was a problem with her resets. Too many lives overwritten and jumbled together in her mind. But she played along, smiling and laughing at his recounting of the story.

She threw a quick glance over her shoulder, but neither Chloe nor her mom were visible. “Don’t worry about them,” Ryan said. “Chloe’s helping your mother prepare the meal.”

He looked at her and she saw his thinking expression come over his face. That slight crinkle to his eyes and the line between her brows. She had one very similar. “I mean no offense or judging,” he said finally, “I just never…picked you as one liking girls. You always had a lot of crushes on boys when you were little.

“It was a bit of a surprise to learn about her the way we did. I’m sure that’s not how you wanted to tell us.” He lapsed into a familiar silence.

“What I’m trying to say,” he said after several minutes of thought, “is she seems to really care about you and I think that is what is most important. As your dad, I want someone who cares about you as much as I do, more even.”

“And…she has quite the personality,” he added as a loud expletive came from the kitchen.

Turning to look at her dad, Max threw her arms around him. “Thanks, Dad,” she said. His own arms went around her to complete the hug. “She means more to me than you know.” More than my own life and sanity.

They held the hug a few minutes, then parted. Max went and sat on the couch while Ryan wandered back to the kitchen. She sat there alone, staring at the tree with all its tinsel and baubles and other things.

A memory came to her of Christmas when she was ten and Chloe eleven. Chloe had convinced her Santa wasn’t real. Max was staying at the Price’s that Christmas and Chloe persuaded her to stay up all night to catch Santa. A smile came to her as she recalled the look of surprise on William’s face when they’d caught him placing the presents below the tree.

Little Max had been disappointed with the discovery. Looking back she cringed thinking about how she’d believed in Santa until she was ten. The couch bounced as someone joined her.

“Well your mom should like me a little more now,” Chloe said as she placed one foot on the couch and balanced her arm on its knee.

“Why’s that?”

“Because I complimented her cooking and taught her a new technique for sautéing.”

Max nodded absently. Setting her glass on a side table, she scooted closer to Chloe. Curling against her side, she lay her head on Chloe’s shoulder and closed her eyes. Chloe snaked her arm around her, helping her.

They stayed that way until Ryan announced lunch. Rousing herself from her doze, Max stood and stretched. They sat around the dining table where a few serving dishes were assembled. It seemed a bit much for just lunch, but Max supposed they were trying to make a good impression. Her and Chloe’s first date came to mind at that thought and she smiled.

Lunch was good and their conversation picked up as well. Today they planned on staying around the house. Tomorrow Ryan had planned an outing to show the girls some things around town. And of course Christmas morning was already set. They’d leave that evening, making for a short trip.

Once lunch was done, Max and Chloe helped clean up. Max couldn’t help but compare this experience to the Price’s where Joyce didn’t let her do anything that first day. And Kate’s of course.

Chloe and Vanessa seemed to hit it off ok, bringing much relief to her. She’d feared some kind of blow up because both were so strong willed.

With the kitchen clean and bellies full, all four wandered into the living room. Max and Chloe settled on the couch, while the parents settled into a couple of easy chairs. Max snuggled against Chloe. Part of her wanted to be on her lap, but she suspected her parents weren’t ready for that.

“Want to watch a movie,” Ryan asked, breaking the sleepy silence.

“Actually, we’ve been doing a whole lot of sitting the last few days,” Chloe said, “what if we went for a walk instead?”

The Caulfields looked at each other and shrugged. “Sure,” Ryan said. A few minutes later they were out of the house, walking down the street. The air was cold enough to require their jackets, but not cold enough to require gloves. Max and Chloe, being younger and faster, walked ahead.

“Good idea,” Max said as they walked. “I was going to fall asleep laying in that cozy house.”

“I had you in mind when I suggested it.”

“What do you mean?”

Chloe turned to smile at Max. “You don’t like wide open, spacious living spaces, but you love the wide open outdoors.”

Grinning up at Chloe, Max stopped walking so she could stand on her toes and give her a little kiss. “And what do I love most of all?”

“You love those little places you can escape to, hidden from the world, but still part of the world. Your quiet places.”

Sliding her arms around Chloe, Max leaned against her. She could hear her heart beat even through the jacket. “You do know me rather well.”

“Are any of your quiet places around here?”

Slipping back to walk hand in hand again, Max said, “There’s a park close by…or at least there used to be.” She glanced behind to see her parents still following. They were studiously not looking at them.

She guided them down another street to a neighborhood park just a few blocks from her house. A few families with children were there playing. Far from the equipment was a thick stand of trees. Indicating it, Chloe asked, “is that it?”

Max nodded and walked over to the swings. Sitting in one, she found it a bit more snug than she remembered, with the metal connector digging into her hips a little. It didn’t stop her from using it though.

Chloe joined her and within moments they were lazily swinging to and fro. Ryan and Vanessa stopped to watch them a while, before wandering to sit on a nearby bench. “When we were little,” Max said mid-swing, “you always tried to get your swing to go all the way around your swing set.”

Chloe laughed. “Yeah, I tried that a few times. I didn’t really play on my swing set as a kid though. Mostly spent time at the parks around town.”

Max kicked her legs sending herself higher. “Your swing set was our pirate ship and fort and sometimes enemy vessel.”

There was no response from Chloe to that. As she swung, Max let her mind drift back to the last time they played together on Chloe’s swings. A sad smile came to her as she remembered that day. How glad she was that William was alive now.

She watched children run around the equipment, screaming and laughing with delight. They didn’t seem to mind the cold weather and cold playground equipment. Her eyes lit on two young girls, separate from the rest. It was apparent they were in their own world.

Maybe seven or eight years old, one had dark brown hair in a ponytail, the other had loose blond hair. The girls reminded her of them as children, which is what drew her eyes in the first place. She watched them play on equipment joined by a suspended wooden bridge.

Her brows narrowed. It looked like they were playing pirates. The brown haired girl had a bandana wrapped around her head and was carrying a spyglass. The other wore a captains hat. What took her the longest to notice was they were not dressed for the weather. Both wore shorts and t-shirts.

She stopped kicking. As her swing slowed, a blue butterfly flew in front of her to alight on one of the supports. It was joined by a second, then a third.

“Dude, you’re glowing again,” Chloe hissed. Max glanced at her hands but saw nothing. Dragging her feet to stop the swing, she flipped her hoodie over her head. The butterflies were still on the support.

Chloe also came to a stop and stood. “It’s pretty weird to see butterflies right now,” she said.

“Not as weird as that,” Max said, pointing to the two girls still playing. Chloe followed her gesture. It took a few moments, but then she swore. “Is that…”

“Us as children,” Max finished for her. Standing, she walked toward the girls, Chloe close behind. She stopped when she was close enough to hear them. She heard the brown-haired girl laughingly call to Captain Blue. Whatever she’d been thinking fell away into that emptiness that lived within her.

Overhead the butterflies lazily swooped and flew to light on the equipment near the young girls. Max stood transfixed by the sight. The girls ran and shouted and climbed and laughed as they battled other pirates for hidden treasure.

“Go…go get my parents,” Max said, forcing the words out. She felt Chloe leave her side. At one point, the blond girl saw her and waved. Slowly raising her hand, Max waved back.

Chloe and her parents came to her. Max indicated the young girls. She didn’t say anything, she just pointed at them. Several moments later, her dad said, “That one looks just like you did at that age, Max.”

That’s because it was her. But how to explain that? The butterflies took off again, flying their haphazard way toward them. “It’s awfully early in the year for butterflies,” Vanessa remarked as they drew close.

As if on cue, the two girls stopped playing and looked at them. They waved as one, other hands clasped together. All four hesitantly raised their hands and returned the wave, then the girls faded from view.

Sounds of surprise came from her parents. Turning to them, Max said, “Mom? Dad? There’s something I need to tell you.” The butterflies took to the air again, circling them. Taking her dad’s arm, she led them from the paved path toward her quiet place.

As they walked she tried her best to explain what was going on in her life. Unlike when she explained to Chloe and Steph, she was calm and focused. The butterflies seemed to follow them, flying up and down and around.

Her parents stayed quiet for most of her abbreviated explanation. All the emotion she’d expected didn’t come. She felt detached and distant as she spoke. Her mind and thoughts were high above flitting about with the butterflies.

They stood within the trees, the butterflies resting on a small evergreen shrub. She repeated the same demonstration she gave to Chloe and Steph, walking through the stillness between moments. It elicited a similar response from her parents.

At the end she didn’t feel any different. She’d expected at least some kind of relief, but there was nothing. Her parents stood apart from them, talking softly to each other.

She turned her attention inward. Something was surging, alive. It churned, fraying her stability and control. There was a particular quality to it, like a faint voice singing without words. From a great distance she sensed a response.

Clearing his throat, Ryan stepped closer to her. “I think…I think what we’d like to know,” he slowly said, “is why you didn’t tell us this sooner.”

She had no good answer, and told them as such. Her dad nodded at that. “You say that whenever you and Chloe…are near each other something happens that requires you to reset the timeline.” His words had a slow, questioning tone to them, as if he was uncertain what he was saying. “When was the last time you reset?”

Kicking a small pine cone, Max said, “near the beginning of last summer.”

They became silent and Max immersed herself in the sounds around her. The laughter of children in the distance, the flow of air through the trees. Next to her, Chloe stirred. “You reset last summer,” she slowly said, “and around the same time I had my first dream and Kate had hers?”

“Who’s Kate,” Vanessa asked.

Max looked at Chloe with wide eyes. Ignoring her mom’s question, she said, “Yes!”

“What does that mean?”

“Who is Kate?”

“Kate’s one of my friends, Mom. And I don’t know what that means.”

Like she often did when excited or had an idea, Chloe began bouncing on her toes. “But this gives us another clue, I think. Look, you’ve got Kate and I having those dreams not long after your last reset. Kate witnessed one of your memories. Kate, myself, and Emma witnessed one of your memories. You’ve got that glow thing going on, and we just saw younger versions of ourselves playing at the playground!

“We’ve got to figure out what these clues mean, Max! There’s something very different about this timeline and I think that means it won’t turn out the same!”

Max looked up at those blue eyes she loved. They were filled with such a vibrant glow. It was hard not to be drawn into the enthusiasm and life emanating from her. But she knew she had to resist.

Turning from Chloe, she looked at her parents. “The reason I shut you and everyone else out of my life five years ago,” she said, “is that in another timeline, another life, Chloe and I were married. We were a few days away from adopting a child when…the town was destroyed by a firestorm.

“Seeing Chloe die, knowing innocent people get hurt from such disasters, I can’t stand either thought. That’s why I reset, dad. That time…it was over three years she and I were together before disaster came. I thought…I really thought it was over and I could live a normal life.

“But it came anyway and it devastated me. I reset, went into my room, and shutout everything.”

Vanessa’s eyes shot to Chloe’s and Max’s clasped hands. “You’re together now…does that mean…?”

“Yes,” Max sadly said.

“No,” Chloe said firmly.

Looking up at Chloe, Max said, “I ran from everything for so long…I couldn’t take it any more. My heart couldn’t take it anymore. I-I had to…” One hand reached up to touch Chloe’s cheek, brushing aside errant hair.

“I’m not sure I fully understand this,” Ryan said. “I believe what you’re telling us, just trying to understand it is hard.”

“I don’t understand it either. Why me? What is the point of my power? Why do these disasters come? There are too many questions I don’t have an answer to.”

Stepping forward to put her hand on Max’s shoulder, Vanessa said, “I’m not happy you didn’t tell us this sooner, but I’m glad you told us now.”

Nodding at their words, Max gave a weak smile to both parents. “That’s the best I can hope for right now,” she said. She slipped an arm around Chloe’s waist. “It’s getting colder. Let’s go home now.” Everyone agreed and they began making their way back.

The butterflies looped into the air, followed them for a time, then disappeared. Max noticed, but didn’t say anything. It seemed no one else paid the insects any attention.

They returned to a warm house. Vanessa set about making them warm drinks. The afternoon whiled away in brief conversations and watching movies. At some point, Max and Chloe went upstairs to get the gifts they’d brought and placed them under the tree.

Dinner was simple and the evening turned into night. Max and Chloe said good night first and turned to make their way up the stairs. Feeling eyes on her, Max turned to see her mother staring at her. Deciding she’d rather not hide this anymore, she crossed over to Vanessa.

Kneeling in front of her, Max said, “Mom…we’re together. I don’t expect you to understand it, or even like it. I do expect you to respect my decisions. We’ve been sleeping in the same bed for a while and I’m not going to stop just because we’re here.” She tried to keep her voice warm and even while she spoke.

Vanessa’s expression didn’t soften as her daughter spoke. “I don’t like it,” she said flatly. “I’d also rather have my daughter here in my house. Go on. You’ve done plenty of things I don’t like. What’s one more?”

Shaking her head at her moms words, Max rose. She and Chloe headed upstairs to prepare for bed. “Your mom’s something else,” Chloe whispered. Sighing as they entered her room, Max could only agree.

“It’s hard to really know where you stand with her,” Max whispered, “that’s something I always enjoyed about your parents. They were very clear where you stood with them. My dad is…my mom…I wonder what happened in her life to make her like this.”

Changing into their pajamas, they brushed their teeth and soon were in Max’s bed. She remembered it being bigger. Of course that was when she was the only one in it. It was also weird to be on the wrong side of the bed. Squirming backwards to be extra close to Chloe, she held her hand tightly.

“Hmmm, I kind of like this,” Chloe said. “I’m the first to enter your hipster lair and the first to share your childhood bed.”

Max smiled at her words. “Goodnight my punk queen.”

“Good night my hipster girlfriend.”


	21. Chapter 21

The lights of the tree twinkled in the darkness of the living room. Max stood before it, entranced by the random patterns of color that appeared and disappeared. Blues and reds and greens coalesced and floated in the air before her.

Behind her, Chloe sat on the couch, a steamy mug of something in her hand. “Hella good Christmas,” she said after taking a sip.

Pushing Chloe’s arm aside, Max slipped onto her lap and put her arms around her neck. “Any Christmas with you is hella good,” she whispered before kissing her.

Chloe playfully growled as she put her mug down. “What would your parents think if we desecrated their couch?”

Max lightly slapped a hand that was getting a little too familiar. “I’m pretty sure my mom thinks we’ve already desecrated the house by being here.” She nuzzled Chloe’s neck, biting it lightly.

“Oh! I see how it is!” Chloe slipped her fingers up Max’s sides, tickling her. She easily found Max’s sensitive spots eliciting a laugh. Hurriedly, Max put her hand over her mouth to stifle the laugh. Chloe used that distraction to flip Max around.

She found herself underneath Chloe on the couch. The blue eyes above her glowed and consumed her. Hands went from playful to gentle and tender. Max closed her eyes as a sigh of contentment slipped from her.

Something shifted, a perspective or feeling or something completely new. The questing hands slipped up to her face to caress her cheeks. The weight on her felt lighter, easier to bear.

“I’m sorry,” words as soft and tender as the finger that wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“Don’t…don’t be.” Her voice was as choked and broken as her soul. The words tumbled from her.

“How can I not be when I know…when I am the cause of your pain.”

A whimper of a suppressed sob slipped between them. “I…I chose the pain, not you.”

Lips kissed her forehead, warm and tender. “You took my pain…our pain onto yourself. If I could, I would trade my life for you to have one moment of happiness, one pure moment where you didn’t have to worry about the consequences.”

“You are my happiness.”

“A happiness you never get to experience. A happiness shrouded by pain and loneliness. I see it growing in you, consuming you.”

Another stifled sob leaked into the air. “It’s…it’s not.”

“You can’t lie to me, you know that? I always know. Please don’t hurt us by doing it.”

“I’m sorry.”

Lips brushed together, a shared breath. “I worry about you…about what’s happening here.” A light pressure over her heart warmed her. “It’s getting worse.”

“I…”

“Let yourself feel. Let yourself hope. Let yourself be alive.”

“I…”

The blues coalesced into a bright glow surrounding her, blinding her. She realized too late it was coming from her whole body. Looking down she saw the whorls and angles lining her. In their midst something swirled, pulsing and breathing. Alive.

Gradually the glow faded until only the flickering lights on the tree lit the room. “It’s a good setup,” Chloe said from next to her. “Your parents really went all out on it.”

Stepping in front of her, Chloe peered into her eyes. “Are you ok? This is the second night I’ve found you out of bed in the middle of the night.”

Blank eyes, which were all Max had right now, stared back at Chloe. She nodded without feeling it. Chloe’s eyes narrowed and her lips flattened into a line. She recalled the words spoken earlier: You can’t lie to me. I always know.

Ducking her head to not see Chloe’s face, Max took her hand. “Let’s go back to bed,” she said in her dead voice. Chloe resisted, pulling her back. Fingers traced her jaw from chin to ear.

“Don’t hide things from me, Max. It fucking hurts.”

Her honest words made Max flinch. With eyes still downcast she said, “It’s the same thing. I’m afraid of losing you. Again.”

Stooping so she could peer into her eyes, Chloe softly said, “We don’t know that’s going to happen.”

Her words caused Max’s hands to clench. “Stop trying to deny it!” Her words came out harsher than she wanted. “I…I’m sorry,” she made herself say. “I know you’re trying to help, I just…I can’t go through that again. Last time it almost killed me.” This time it is.

“What are you trying to tell me?”

“I…I don’t know. I don’t!”

Chloe looked at her for a long time. Finally her hands lightly grasped her shoulders. Upstairs they heard sounds as someone got out of bed. “Fuck,” Chloe said softly. “Let’s get you back to bed. I doubt you want to discuss this with your mom or dad around.”

She let Chloe lead her upstairs. Her parents’ door opened as they slipped into her room. They snuggled together under the covers, but Max felt sleep come over her before they could talk.

Morning dawned, dragging both of them from bed. After shower and donning clean clothes, they headed downstairs. A healthy breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and bacon awaited them. Max couldn’t remember ever having a breakfast like this at home. Usually it was cold cereal and fruit. Maybe some scrambled eggs occasionally.

Vanessa was the one cooking, which mystified Max even more. No explanation was given and Max didn’t press it. She decided to enjoy what she was given. After breakfast and cleanup, all got into Ryan’s car. There were several places he wanted to go, hopefully light on Christmas crowds.

None of them were shopping areas, so traffic and the number of people was light. Some were known landmarks, like the Fremont Troll, and some were more obscure places. By mid-afternoon, Ryan hustled them back into the car and took them to Lincoln Park.

“I think I’m not the only one that knows you like parks,” Chloe said as they got out. Hand in hand, they walked along a path toward the Sound.

The views were beautiful, making Max regret leaving her camera at home. She made ample use of her cellphone camera, but knew it wasn’t the same. When they reached an open area giving a great view of the Sound and islands opposite them, Max stopped to study the scene.

She had no memory of ever coming here with her parents, in any life. Very few people were in the park today. It was easy to lose oneself in the hum of the natural world around them. Leaning against a tree, she closed her eyes to immerse herself in the experience.

Someone rested against the tree next to her. She guessed it was Chloe. “We used to play at the beach and among the trees around town every summer,” she whispered. “Being here…kind of reminds me of those times.”

Fingers slipped between hers, gentle and warm. “Did it help you, talking to your parents,” Chloe asked.

Sighing heavily, Max said, “No. It made no difference, at least to me.” Her eyes opened and she turned her head to look at Chloe. “I don’t know what I expected though. Telling you…that was a relief. Sharing it with them?”

The fingers of her other hand picked at the bark underneath her. Its fractured and crazed surface provided much to occupy them. “There’s nothing.”

Chloe nodded at her words, eyes fixed on the horizon. “Weeks ago I told you I wanted to fight for you. To fight for your happiness. I feel the same now as I did then.

“Whatever is happening with you, inside you…I want to know. Let me help you carry it. Let me help you have hope.”

She nodded at Chloe’s words. Ever the optimist, but the words fell flat against her own inner turmoil. Her eyes returned to the Sound, captivated by the waves and sunlight sparkling on its expanse.

How long she watched the rolling surf she didn’t know. The sun was angling toward the horizon as words came to her. “Something broke in me after losing…my wife. I’m not just scared about…about loving you…there’s something…pushing against it. Like a hollowness that doesn’t want filled.

“I’m cracking and breaking apart inside. Everything I am and have and want…it’s…it’s turning into nothing.” Ripping her eyes from the scene, she tried to focus on Chloe. “I’m sorry, I’m not making any sense.”

“No, Max, I think you are. You went through something traumatic and your mind is trying to make sense of it. You’ve kept it pent up inside you for a long time and it’s eroding your confidence and hope and other things.” Chloe hand caressed her cheek.

“That’s why I keep telling you that I want to fight for your happiness. You need someone to believe in you, to help restore what you’ve lost.”

Max turned aside from that. It was too late, much too late for hope. Pulling on Chloe’s hand, she led them back to the path. They passed her parents, who were enjoying the view from a shaded bench. Seeing them pass by, they rose and followed.

Her hand slipped from Chloe’s, to tuck itself into her pocket. Head down, hoodie raised, she focused her eyes on the path. They walked several minutes in silence like this, passing trees and great views that she ignored. They were nearing the parking lot and she wanted to leave. Not just leave the park, but leave Seattle and her parents and everything.

She stepped from the path into chaos. Smoke filled her nose and stung her eyes. The light went from overcast day, to dim and hazy. Screams of pain and sirens and sounds of destruction pushed at her.

“No, no, no, no!” The words ripped from her throat as Max turned, realizing where she was. There was no sign of Chloe or her parents or even Seattle. Bodies, broken and twisted and burned were strewn around.

It wasn’t a vision; it was reality. The heat of the fire throbbed against her skin and the smoke stung her eyes. Her ears rang from the shrill sounds of death.

“I can’t be here again! I can’t!” The haze cleared for a moment and she saw it: the burning tower of their apartment building. A loud hammering pounded her hearing, her heart spurred into motion as terror gripped her.

The fiery missile sailed overhead and slammed into the building, causing a jet of flame to shoot into the air. She fell to her knees as everything came at her at once: the despair and sadness and grief and overwhelming sense of guilt. They beat at her, at her mind and heart until she couldn’t look any more, couldn’t care anymore. Kneeling over she pressed her head against the ground and covered it with her arms.

Hands grabbed her shoulders, pulling at her. She resisted, not wanting to see, not wanting to die again. They were insistent and she yelled at them to stop, to leave her alone. More hands joined the first and she wasn’t able to resist.

“I don’t want to see,” she yelled as they pulled her upright.

“Max?”

It was Chloe’s voice, but it couldn’t be Chloe. She was dead.

“Max, come back!”

Not able to resist that voice, she opened her eyes. Everything was shrouded in blue. Through it looked a pair of eyes she’d never forget. The smell of smoke and death and destruction faded as Chloe took form. Her face, her beautiful face, followed by her full form.

She knelt in front of her, supporting her with her hands. Other hands were on her shoulders and she heard talking from a distance. With a cry she threw herself at Chloe, gripped her tight around the neck.

“I was…I was back…” her words didn’t want to form, filling her mouth with a bitter taste.

“Hey, it’s ok,” Chloe whispered to her. “I know where you were, what you saw. Let’s get you into the car.”

With Chloe’s help she stood and stumbled to her parent’s car. The immense emotions that tore through her earlier were replaced with a numbness.

The blue still tinged everything she saw. Chloe opened the door and she slid in. The loops and lines on her hands glowed brightly as she fastened the seat belt. Her parents slid into the front seats. Her dad looked at her, face twisted with concern. His lips moved but she couldn’t make out his words. Giving him a weak smile, she looked at Chloe next to her.

Taking her hand, Chloe kissed it and gave her a smile. The return drive was quick, time seeming to have lost meaning to her. Chloe helped her stumble into the house. She paused for a moment in the entry, debating where she wanted to go, before continuing upstairs.

She collapsed onto her bed. Everything seemed distant. Even Chloe’s voice seemed muffled, like she spoked through a barrier. She closed her eyes and fell into blackness.

The storm churned around her, beating her mind and heart as effectively as the wind and cold assailed her body. How many times had she faced this storm? How many times had she cursed it? She thought she’d found a way to beat it. Instead it was beating her.

“Max…” Chloe words were laden with grief and care alike. “It’s time.”

Let her best friend, truly her only friend, die? Or let a town die?

No. Let herself die. Looking at Chloe one last time, she ducked her head and turned away. Stepping to the edge of the bluff, she opened her arms wide. Within the tempest, buried deep in its center she felt its pulse. An erratic, broken pulse of fractured time.

Sinking her consciousness deep within herself, she tapped the power that lay inside. Instead of turning it outward to shape time, she turned it inward.

Max bolted upright in bed, sending the blanket and sheet tumbling away. Sweat drenched her face and arms. The ability to breathe was lost to her and she struggled, trying to draw a breath. Something pressed against her chest, not letting it expand to bring in air.

Slipping from the bed, to her knees, she struggled with her shirt. She had to get it off, had to stop that constriction! As she raised her shirt, something changed inside and suddenly air flowed into her lungs. Falling over, she lay on the floor air rapidly going in and out of her body.

“Max?” Chloe’s head peered at her over the edge of the mattress. Her eyes moved to look at Chloe, studying her silhouette. Chloe slipped to the floor next to her, raising her. Holding her against her body, Chloe rocked her, trying to comfort her.

“What…what day is it?” The words hurt her throat as they came.

“It’s probably Christmas Day by now.”

“Which year?” She swallowed hard, pain lancing her throat.

“2018.”

The trip to Seattle came back to her as her eyes wildly scanned their surroundings. They were in her Seattle bedroom. Earlier they had gone to Lincoln Park. She had somehow travelled back to the day her wife died, if only for a few minutes. Then…

“Can…can you talk about what happened today?” Chloe’s words were soft and tender.

“I’ll…try”

“What happened at the park earlier?”

“I…just wanted to leave. Leave the park. Leave Seattle. Leave everything. When I stepped onto the parking lot, I was back in that firestorm where…” Her heart was pounding again and an insistent need to move, to do something laid hold of her.

She turned her head to see Chloe, still tinged in blue. Her hands clung to Chloe’s pajama shirt, pulling them close together. “…where you…”

“It’s ok,” Chloe said as she stroked Max’s hair. “You don’t have to tell me that part.” She tenderly kissed Max’s head. “What about now? What happened?”

“A dream…or something. I was back at the lighthouse with you, where I was faced with the choice. But there was something else…something about the storm…”

When it appeared she wouldn’t continue, Chloe said, “What about the storm?”

Shaking her head, Max said, “I don’t know.”

They stayed there several more minutes before Chloe said, “Can we get back into bed? My butt is going numb.” Max nodded and they returned to the comfort of her bed. Facing Chloe, she snuggled close to her until she felt every curve, every line of her. She wanted to impress that part of Chloe into her, to remember her.

An unfeeling had consumed her earlier in the day and it still held her tight in its grasp. Neither the coarseness of the sheets, the weight of the blanket, nor cushion of the pillow made any sensation against her. But Chloe, she could feel Chloe. Holding her as if she was her only connection to life, she closed her eyes and slipped into sleep.

Christmas came and went. Max went through it all without going through it. It wasn’t her hands that open unwrapped presents, nor her mouth uttering words of thanks. It was someone else. Someone she didn’t know, couldn’t recognize, but looked and acted like her.

Someone else’s mouth ate her food and drank her coffee. Another Max entirely smiled at Vanessa and hugged her in thanks. It was someone else, not her, that thanked Ryan for his gift.

A haze obscured part of her vision, tinging everything with a faint blue. A hollowness blocked her hearing, giving everything a tinny, artificial quality.

Breakfast, then presents, then some activities she didn’t remember. Lunch came and someone ate the food placed in front of her. Lowered eyebrows and concerned looks surrounded her.

Packed bags rested by the door and a hand led her toward it. Words of…farewell? She couldn’t tell. They were words spoken at her. Someone hugged her, or someone like her.

She was in a car and it was driving. Well of course it was driving. That’s what you do in cars. Noise and voices and scents and sensation flooded her. Her body jerked and she clapped her hands over her ears and closed her eyes as it happened. A cry ripped from her throat as everything overwhelmed her senses. She wanted to slip to the floor, to slip into unconsciousness as everything pounded her.

Several moments passed before she cautiously opened her eyes, and uncovered her ears. Punk rock was playing on the stereo and she saw the Portland skyline in the distance.

Lowering her arms, she leaned back, tense and disoriented. “What…what are we doing?” Her throat was dry again. Spying a bottle of soda in the cup holder, she grabbed it, opened it, and took a long drink.

“Headed home Max,” came Chloe’s voice. It sounded normal again, though filled with something. Chloe’s hand moved from the steering wheel to rest on her leg. Relief flooded her at that. “Your parents were disappointed that I ended the visit early. I couldn’t keep you there, not with how you were.”

How she was? How was she? She looked at her hand holding the body, a tremor shaking the liquid. The shape of the bottle and the coolness of the liquid inside reassured her she could feel. “How I was?”

“Like a robot. You were there, but not there. It was fucking weird. This trip has been really hard on you…” Chloe’s hand reached up to take hers. “That’s…that’s not what I wanted for you. I decided to leave early to get you home, and maybe to a better place.”

She looked at Chloe, at the way she studied the road ahead, at the way she held herself. A blue tinge still touched everything she saw. The tinge seemed a bit brighter when she looked at Chloe.

Turning her eyes back to the road ahead, Max focused on the Portland skyline. “Thank you. Thank you for helping me reconnect with my parents. Thank you for trying to make things good for me.”

“Any time, Max of Mine.”

Clasping Chloe’s hand with both of hers, they passed the rest of the trip in silence. There was a tension rolling off Chloe, sending tingles along Max’s arms.

They arrived home, to her cozy nest. Tossing her bag into the nook, Max went to the futon and wrapped herself in her favorite blanket. She wanted to shut out the world. But not Chloe. Never Chloe.

As her girlfriend came over, she opened her blanket to allow Chloe entry. Instead of that, Chloe sat next to her. Slipping her arms around Max, she pulled her onto her lap. Deciding she liked that even better, Max rested her head on her shoulder.

“Can we talk about what’s been going on?” Chloe’s voice was cautious. Max heard her heart beat increase its rate.

Tracing a finger along a seam on Chloe’s shirt, Max said, “What do you want to know?”

“I want to know what’s really going on with you. There’s more to it than mourning and fear of the reset. Your behavior is changing. You give me everything I’d want to be happy, but it’s just a shell. It’s fake, Max.

“What I want to know…I want to know everything, but I don’t know what to ask. I want to help you, to be your partner. You start sharing things with me, then you shut me out. Speak to me, please. Share with me what’s going on inside.”

Her finger completed the seam and switched to another. The words Chloe spoke were true. There was always a line she couldn’t, wouldn’t cross.

“You’re right,” she finally said in a voice lost and afraid. “I’m changing…and I don’t know why or how.” Her eyes flicked briefly to see Chloe’s profile, study the line of her jaw and the flow of her hair.

“People and events from other timelines are crossing into ours. When you find me out of bed at night, it’s because I’m…stuck in one of them…with…” She let her voice trail into silence. The next words…she didn’t want to hurt her.

Chloe shifted a little under her. “Stuck? Where…oh shit! You’re with her, aren’t you?”

The words were not spoke in anger. Max lay her hand on Chloe’s chest, feeling her heart beat beneath it. “Yes.”

“That’s got to be…I don’t know both happy and sad.”

“You’re not…mad?”

A short laugh greeted her timid question. “How could I be mad at myself?” She changed position to look into Max’s eyes. “How could I be jealous of you spending time with her?”

“Because…she’s my wife…and…”

“I’m not,” Chloe finished softly. Her fingers brushed Max’s cheek tenderly. “It doesn’t have to be that way…not forever. I’m not asking for anything now. It’s too early for that…for you.”

Laying her head against Chloe, she returned to studying her from below. “Thank you. I was…scared that if I told you it would hurt you.”

“What hurts is when you shut me out or hide things from me. I always know when you do that you know.”

Max’s breath caught at that. “She told me the same thing the other night.”

“She sounds pretty smart. We’ll have to meet sometime.”

“You goofball, you are her!”

A bright grin spread across Chloe’s face at her words. “That’s what I want to hear!”

Studying the grin to capture it, Max thought about everything that had happened since leaving for Kate’s. “There’s another thing,” she said after a few minutes. “After I returned from…seeing your last…death, everything was tinged with blue. It’s still there.”

Her words brought only a grunt from Chloe. “It’s strongest when I look at you,” she whispered.

“Well there you go,” Chloe said, “obvious proof that I am special.”

Her words were playful, but didn’t match the tone. “You said before,” Chloe continued after a few moments, “that you were broken inside, that everything was disappearing into nothingness. Is that a recent feeling, like since we began dating? Or is that how you’ve felt over many resets?”

“I’ve always had an emptiness in me…since I made my choice. I call it a Chloe-shaped hole in my heart.” Chloe snickered at that. “The fraying…that started when we were in Arcadia Bay.”

Nodding at her answer, Chloe tapped her fingers against Max’s leg. “Ok,” she said, “thinking only of this timeline, you had an event that forced you to relive a traumatic event. Since then, you’ve experienced changes in your emotions and ability. Recently these are matched with physical changes, the blue lines and your blue vision. That about right?”

She considered Chloe’s words. The list seemed complete. “Yes, that’s about right.”

“Is there anything about when these changes occur that coincide with each other?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, does one thing cause another thing. What’s happening in your mind or with your emotions when the physical changes occur?”

“The blue haze started after…well my emotions were pretty shot. The lines…let me think about that.” She paused, moving her gaze to stare at nothing. It had been more than a week since the lines first appeared. Actually, the first line appeared that same day she saw Chloe in the park. There was something else though.

“The first day I returned to work after visiting Arcadia Bay. You came to the shop and I was so happy, and relieved, that you came to lunch. Something odd happened, which I didn’t share before, because I thought it was nothing.”

Looking back at Chloe, Max sat up. “I was making a sandwich when you came in-”

“You normally are!”

She ignored the interruption. “It was a tuna sandwich, which I hate making because of the smell. When I heard your voice it made me really happy so I turned to wave at you. When I returned to the sandwich, it was no longer tuna, it was chicken salad.

“That was the first odd thing that happened after the trip. The next day is when the first line appeared. It was when I told you about seeing you in the park, when you were at work. I think…I think I was confused when the line appeared.”

“Was it…normal confusion or like really intense?”

“Normal, I think.”

Silence descended as they fell into their own thoughts. “Well, maybe there isn’t a link between emotions and your changes,” Chloe said after a time.

Sighing, Max settled back against her. “Thanks for trying. Visiting Arcadia Bay is the only link I can come up with.”

“Well, I’ll keep thinking about it. We’ve got to find a way to beat this, to break you out of the cycle you’re stuck in.” Chloe’s optimism again. Just like always it washed over her, slipping away from whatever inside her resisted it.

“There is another thing,” Max said as the churning inside intensified. “Your optimism…causes a strange reaction…” Words seemed to fail her at this point. Could she really tell Chloe that her words hurt her?

“What kind of reaction,” Chloe prompted when she didn’t continue.

Her hands were moving again as an energy seeped through her. They had to move, had to do something! Just like her eyes could no longer look at Chloe. With face averted and fingers worrying the blanket, Max said, “There’s…something inside me, something that doesn’t like when you try to encourage me. It fights it and…it…pushes me to not accept…”

“Is it happening now?”

Max nodded. She could no longer speak as the churning became a pressure she had to fight. Nothing made sense. Why would Chloe’s attempt to encourage her bring such a strong reaction?

“Damn.”

“Can we…can we talk about something else now?”

“How about we talk about making supper?”

Smiling at her request, Max hugged her. “Ok.”

Rising, and leaving the blanket on the futon, they went into the kitchen. The pantry and fridge were rather bare. They’d need to go shopping tomorrow.

They ate a simple supper, cleaned the kitchen, then unpacked their bags. Chloe put on a movie when they were ready for bed. Max fell asleep in Chloe’s arms, which arguably is the best way to fall asleep.

Days passed and they returned to their routine. After the chaos of the Christmas trip, Max went back to making breakfast and dinner. She gave all that she could to Chloe to make her content and happy. Chloe didn’t try to fight it, although she did her best to help.

The conversation they’d had that night slipped into the past, as well as the progress they’d made. Max responded to questions about herself and happiness with simple words and deflecting smiles.

No other timeline shenanigans occurred. Max’s wife didn’t visit her again, no matter how much she wished in her heart for that to happen.

Each weekend they found themselves at Steph and Rachel’s, playing games and watching movies. Occasionally they’d have the girls to their place. Max’s cozy nest was so small it made a group of four awkward at best.

In between weekends, Max would find private places to hide. Places that kept her apart, yet attached, to the world. She eventually reached a point of equilibrium that she worked hard to maintain.

A few Fridays the four of them spent at the music venue Chloe had discovered. Chloe, Rachel, and Steph shared an interest in energetic, punk music and they had a blast when they went out. Max found solace in the nice earplugs the other girls got for her. They brought the music down to a volume she enjoyed.

Chloe continued her mission to find them a better place to live. She found a few that they visited. Some were quite cute. Each time they found a reason to not pursue a lease agreement.

Max continued working on photo shoots and scouting. The weather had turned quite warm in early January, removing all the snow. That allowed her to get several shoots that she developed and sold to Steph.

The photo shop was doing better. One of her former workmates had found a job elsewhere doing photography. On one of her uses of the lab, the owner spoke to her about rejoining the shop. The offer was appealing, since it paid so well. However she’d have to give up some of her freedom she’d enjoyed the last couple of months. She told the owner she’d have to think about it.

Max and Kate kept up the communications started during that overnight visit. Each girl kept the other well informed and connected with each others life. Kate provided a secondary source of comfort and support to Max, which she sorely needed. Max gave Kate some critiques, tips, and support on a new children’s book Kate was writing. Max didn’t tell Kate what the big meanies actually were.

Days became weeks, and December turned into January. The blue tinge to Max’s vision faded, leaving no discernible change. The visions, visits from other timelines, and glowing lines made no reappearance. Everything was as normal as could be.

Except of course nothing was normal, not for Max. There was something in her, growing in strength. Each pleasant word from Chloe, each pleasant emotion, it fed on these. The internal singing she’d sensed also grew in volume. Some days it was hard to think, it was so distracting.

The distant harmonic also grew in volume. Although still faint, the singing was discernible now. An ever changing presence that lurked at the edges of her senses, it haunted her night and day.

Max decided she needed something to focus on, something to distract her from changes she didn’t understand and feared. Thus, on one of her days off, she purchased a plant. Her last had been Lisa, back in her Blackwell days. She wanted something she could care for, something that had no expectations, something that wouldn’t press for answers or attention.

Carrying the small plant and other supplies upstairs, she placed everything on the counter. Clearing off the table, she began work transferring Lisa II to a larger pot. She was rather happy when finished. Throwing away the original plastic pot, she turned the clay pot back and forth with her hands, admiring her plant.

Lisa II was not very tall, being a young plant. Her new home would give her lots of growing space. Humming a happy tune, Max turned the pot. What would Lisa be like when she was older?

In mid-turn, Lisa suddenly shot into the air, growing several feet in a moment! Under her hands the clay fractured and fell into dust, coating the table with colored residue. Before Max could do anything, Lisa turned brown, then grey, and shriveled into death.

Max sat, mouth open, eyes not blinking. Potting soil, colored dust, and more coated her hands, arms, table, and the floor. What the hell just happened?


	22. Chapter 22

Blinking rapidly, Max stood and thrust herself away from the table. Dust and soil went everywhere. Her breath came in quick, shallow gasps. Leaning against the stove to support herself, she looked at her hands, then the mess on the table. What?

She had been thinking about Lisa being older…then it had…happened?

Her hands started shaking and her knees began buckling, sending her sprawling against the stove. Thrusting herself away from it, she stumbled to the other room where she collapsed on the futon. Dust and soil was tracked everywhere, but right now she didn’t care. Had she…? She had, hadn’t she!

Oh, god no! What would happen if she did that to someone! What if she did it to Chloe!

Despite the weakness in her body and shaking in her limbs, she made herself rise. She had to test this, had to know! Stumbling her way to the kitchen she looked around for something to test on.

Grabbing a hand towel, she thought about it being older. Nothing! It remained a hand towel. Throwing it down, she looked for something else. Opening the fridge she found a small block of cheese. Taking hold of it, she stood and looked at it.

What would the cheese be like when it was…older? Nothing happened. Her hands tightened, almost squishing the cheese. Older cheese. No one cared about old cheese, unless it was covered in mold! Opening the fridge to put the cheese back, she glanced down at it, and immediately dropped it.

The plastic wrapping was still intact, but inside it the cheese was now covered with dark mold. A shrill shriek took over her voice and she backed into the table. Older! She can make things age!

Beneath her the table collapsed into dust, sending her sprawling on the floor. Her head knocked the wall and pain shot through her elbows. As she scrambled, flinching from the pain, her arms and legs touched the chairs. They too crumbled into dust. No! No! No! Please don’t let this be happening, please don’t!

A draft of air chilled her and she felt the floor pressed against bare skin. She looked down to find her clothes had disintegrated!

Her sight blurred as she struggled away from the kitchen. Her heart pounded her chest and ears, stifling all other sounds. Focus, Max, focus! Her hand reached for her favorite blanket. She needed comfort and familiarity, something to soothe the emotions raging inside her. A thought stopped her hand in time, and she pulled a different blanket around her. She didn’t want to lose her favorite blanket!

Curling up on the floor, she focused her eyes on the wall opposite. Think young thoughts! Don’t think about…don’t think about…think about something else!

Over and over she reminded herself of young thoughts. Her eyes focused on the far wall without seeing. Don’t let it be real! Let this be a dream, a nightmare!

A door opened and a blast of cool air hit her. Her eyes focused to see boots crossing the floor. “What the hell! Are you ok,” Chloe said.

Knees appeared in front of her as Chloe knelt. A dreadful thought shot through her mind sending her scurrying away from Chloe. “Don’t touch me,” she screamed.

Eyes widened by the outburst, Chloe remained poised with hand outstretched. “Wha-?”

“Don’t touch me don’t touch me don’t touch me don’t touch me.” She barely knew what she was saying. The words repeated over and over. A warning. Please let her listen!

Chloe’s hand reached out again to touch her and Max shrieked with fear. Using the blanket she slapped Chloe’s hand aside. “Don’t touch me!” She screamed it as loud as she could.

Falling back on her butt, Chloe looked at her hand, then at Max. Her eyes were very wide and her mouth hung open.

Young. Young. Young. Don’t think of time. Don’t think of…think neutral. Think of…love, think of quiet places, think of storms and chaos and choices gone bad.

That thing inside her churned in its ever changing way. Its voice hummed approval.

“Don’t touch me don’t touch me don’t touch me.” Her words were softer now, her eyes focused on the floor in front of her.

“Ok, Max, I won’t touch you,” Chloe said. She was sitting cross-legged now, hands on her knees. Max focused on her face as she kept repeating her phrase.

Chloe looked at her, then at the mess in the kitchen. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and held it. Letting the breath out slowly, she opened her eyes and focused them on Max.

“Did…you gain a new ability today?” Her words were careful, yet warm and tender.

The question stopped Max’s chant. Taking a shuddering breath, she raised her eyes to look at Chloe. “I…I…I wanted a house plant so I bought one. When I got home, I wondered what she would look like when older and it turned to du-ahhh!” Her bare skin was suddenly on the carpet as the blanket dissolved into dust.

“Shit!”

“Don’t think don’t think don’t think don’t think.” She let her mind focus on that phrase, over and over. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t risk thinking and causing worse problems.

“Look at me, Max!”

Forcing her eyes on Chloe, she kept repeating her phrase.

“We’re gonna figure this out, ok? We’re going to find a way to handle this.”

Getting to her feet, Chloe disappeared from her sight. Moments later, another blanket was draped over her. Max jumped a little, startled by the touch.

“Why don’t you go take a shower while I clean up out here. Showers usually help you.” Help her calm down, that’s what Chloe meant but wouldn’t say. The closeness of the room and sound of the water did always help her.

Repeating her phrase, she rose and went into the bathroom. She let the blanket slip to the floor outside, closed the door, and turned on the lights and fan. Turning on the water, she looked at herself in the mirror while waiting for the hot water. Her eyes couldn’t focus in one place long.

Steam rose from behind the curtain and she stepped into the shower. After quickly scrubbing the dust away from herself, she turned her back to the shower head. The water beat against her head and back and she immersed herself in the water and its sound.

With hands clasped loosely in front, she closed her eyes and focused on the water. Tiny percussions of water pressed against her, creating a pattern across her skin and head. The soft sound of water streaming, a static that helped clear out the world around her. The anxiety and fear inside her slowly ebbed as she focused on these sensations.

After a time, the water began to lose its heat causing her to open her eyes. She raised her hands and gasped. Blue lines again were on her flesh, but not random and not glowing. A quick visual scan showed the lines crossing her entire body, creating an intricate pattern. They weren’t very bright, yet were clearly visible.

Turning off the water, she wrapped herself in a towel and stepped in front of the mirror. A wide eyed girl with wild eyes looked back at her. Fearful. Overwhelmed. The lines were on her face as well. Her eyes widened even more as she recognized the pattern that spread across the center of her face. It was the unmistakable outline of a butterfly with wings spread.

She stayed in front of the mirror a long time, frozen by the sight. Among the other lines she saw more butterflies in various poses. Each was beautifully designed, not simple outlines. Unique shapes and designs adorned their wings.

A knock sounded at the door and she jerked around to look at it. “Are you ok in there,” Chloe asked from the other side. “The water’s been off for like thirty minutes now. Do you need help with anything?”

She looked again at the mirror and the lines it showed. “Yes,” she said as calmly as she could. “I’m fine. Just thinking in here where it’s nice and warm.” That sounded like something she’d say.

“I’ve got everything cleaned up out here. Food’s ready also, for whenever you come out.”

She nodded before realizing Chloe couldn’t see her. “Ok, just a few more minutes.” Looking down she opened the towel. The designs were everywhere. Makeup might work to hide the ones of her face, but not the rest of her.

Closing the towel, she looked again at the mirror and touched her face. Even as she did, the lines began fading. Within moments they were barely visible, then gone altogether.

Relief flooded her, and she slumped against the sink. She let herself rest there a few moments before pushing away. Her mind and body felt calmer then it had for quite a while. That was welcome.

Double-checking herself in the mirror for the lines, she smiled at their lack. Hanging up the towel, she went into the nook and began dressing.

Outside the nook, she found Chloe had cleaned up the remains of Lisa and the table. And her clothes and blanket. Those had been in there too. A plate of food was resting on the small counter. She touched it, quickly pulling her finger away upon contact. The plate survived.

After testing the plate once more, she grabbed it and walked toward the futon. Chloe sat in the middle. Pausing a moment, she looked around and decided to sit on the floor.

Lowering herself, she sat cross-legged with the plate balanced on her lap. The meal was simple and quickly made. She kept her eyes focused on the plate.

“So…” Her voice was suddenly weak and dry. “How was your day?”

Chloe finished the bite in her mouth. “Well,” she said, “that project I’ve been working on is almost done. Today we went through the final round of regression and integration tests needed to verify its stability. Tomorrow it will be deployed to production.”

Nodding at the words as if they meant something (although by now she knew what production meant), she took another bite of her food. “That’s good,” she said.

Silence fell between them, marked only by the sounds of eating. “So…uh…how was your day?”

Max looked at the remains of the food on her plate. Her appetite was suddenly gone. “Not as good as yours,” she answered softly. “I had some problems and accidentally destroyed our table and chairs.” And I have blue butterfly designs all over my body.

“Accidents do happen. Best not to dwell on it too much.”

“Accidents.” The words was bitter on her tongue. Thankfully, her calmness remained.

“Do you…feel calm now?”

She looked up at the soft question. The way Chloe was looking at her melted her heart. There was nothing but care and love in that look. With fingers fiddling with her food, she said, “Yes. Yes I do feel calm.”

“Is…is it ok to talk about your…new ability?”

Closing her eyes she asked herself that same question. Fear for Chloe’s safety lurked in her mind. Other than that she seemed ok. “Yes,” she said and opened her eyes.

“You said you wondered what our new plant would look like when it was older, then it turned into dust. Did anything happen before that? An event, a thought, or a feeling?”

“I was happy. Lisa II was a beautiful plant and I was looking forward to spending more time with her over the coming days.”

“Lisa II?”

A faint smile crossed her lips. “Long ago when I attended Blackwell, I kept a houseplant in my dorm. Her name was Lisa.”

“Ah. So…you were happy, then…it happened?”

“Yes.”

“And it…kept happening?”

“Yes, each time I thought about older, whatever I was touching turned to dust.”

“Not everything.”

Looking at Chloe, she said, “What do you mean?”

Pointing at her, Chloe said, “You said ‘older’ just now and nothing you are touching changed.”

Sure enough, the plate, the food, her clothes, everything in contact with her was the same. “Was it just temporary,” Chloe asked.

Sighing, Max said, “You know I don’t know the answer to that.”

“Sure, but I’m still gonna ask questions like that. I’m not expecting you to answer. It’s part of figuring out the problem and understanding it. Consider the various possibilities and test them.”

Max snorted. “That’s Chloe the developer speaking.”

“Hey! Programmer Chloe solves lots of problems doing this!” Chloe rose from the futon and took her plate and glass to the kitchen. When she returned she sat at one end of the futon. She patted the far end, clearly wanting Max to join her.

Rising awkwardly to her knees, she sort of crawled to the futon. Climbing onto the far end, she admitted to herself it was much better than the floor.

“What exactly happened when Lisa turned to dust?”

She replayed the event in her mind, mulling the question thoroughly. “She grew, maybe three or four feet. She turned brown, then grey, and shriveled before turning into dust.”

“Would you say Lisa…experienced her full life cycle?”

She nodded.

“When you realized what was happening…were you scared that you’d do it to me?”

Looking at Chloe, Max swallowed hard. It was difficult to keep away those thoughts, that fear that had powered through her. It was exactly what she feared. “Yes,” she said hoarsely.

“I’d say that’s a natural and normal thing to fear. It…overwhelmed you though, didn’t it?” Her words were so warm and caring. They soothed the edge of the memory, keeping it quiet and safe.

“Yes.”

“Is that when your ability seemed to…go out of control? Destroying the table and your clothes?”

“Yes.”

“You can control your other abilities, right?”

“I can control the rewind, time freeze, and reset.”

“Yes, that’s what I mean.” Chloe paused long enough for Max to look at her. “I bet this new ability can be controlled as well, once you figure out how. Maybe you can use how you learned to use the other abilities to figure out this new one.”

Chloe was being very logical, and it was helping. Leaning over, she slipped the plate from Max’s lap. She took it to the kitchen and returned. Before Max realized it, her hand cupped Max’s cheek.

Gasping, the fear surged within her making her flinch away, even as part of her cried for the touch. The touch lasted a moment and Chloe returned to her seat on the couch. “Nothing happened,” she said.

Shaking with the conflicting emotions, Max choked out, “Don’t do that again! Please!”

“I’d like to do more because you look like you need a good hug right now. That’s not going to help you though, it will just make things worse.”

That was very true. She longed to be in Chloe’s arms right now. To feel them wrapped around her, comforting her, caused a painful ache in her heart. Chloe was leading her down the right path though. If she wanted to touch her, without fearing her life, she needed to figure out how to control this new ability.

Oh lord, she had work tomorrow! She needed to figure this out tonight! She groaned and fell onto her side, not even realizing she brushed Chloe’s leg with her head. “I’ve got to figure this out before work tomorrow.”

“How can I help?”

Pushing herself upright, Max said, “you can’t, not directly at least. I need some time to think and focus. To see if I can detect a change in my ability.”

“Fair enough. What do you want me to do?”

Smiling as a several month’s old memory came to her, she said, “Well I won’t need coffee or snacks, but some soft music would help. And I need to focus so…no talking please?”

“Can do, Max,” Chloe said with a smile. Taking out her phone, she loaded one of Max’s playlists on her streaming service and started it playing. Going to her backpack, she pulled out a bluetooth speaker and powered it on. Within moments the soft strains of Message to Bears came through it.

Chloe went into the kitchen and Max closed her eyes. It had been a really long time since she’d developed a new ability. She wasn’t sure if she could remember how to do this. But if she wanted to touch Chloe again without fearing for her life, she needed to.

Letting her mind and body relax, she immersed herself in her own consciousness. Within her she sensed the time manipulation ability as it morphed and shifted across her mental perception. She was suddenly struck with how similar it was to that other thing inside her, that living thing.

Thrusting that thought from her to concentrate on her goal, she slipped into the ability. It enveloped her like favorite clothes, comforting and familiar. Yet there was something new, a part she’d never seen before.

Reaching forth with her senses, she touched it. There was no way to describe it, simply that it was simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar. It both reached for her, and recoiled. Keeping herself calm, she let it explore her approach, even as she explored its sensation.

Around her that other thing lurked, watching, studying. Her time ability felt a part of her. This thing…it was foreign, an intruder. Ignoring it the best she could, she kept her attention on that new aspect of her ability. She coursed along its lines, feeling its boundaries and the way it molded with her other abilities. She traced it until…

Her eyes flicked open. Stiffness rested in her neck and arms. It was like she had stayed in one place for hours. “What,” she croaked, suddenly realizing her throat was dry.

Next to her she saw Chloe close her laptop and turn to her. “Oh good, you’re back,” she said and there was no mistaking the worry in her voice.

“Drink, please,” she croaked again and Chloe handed her a glass of water. It was warm but she didn’t care. The water soothed and moistened her dry throat as it went down. Tipping her head back when done, she sat a while enjoying the feel of the water.

“What time is it,” she whispered.

“Close to one in the morning.”

She’d been doing this for more than seven hours! Lifting her head, she said, “I think I have it.”

“That’s awesome, Max. Let me get something to test it with.” Chloe scrambled from the futon and went into the kitchen. She returned with a few slices of bread. “I figured these would be easiest to test with.” Max nodded as she accepted one.

Using what she’d learned in her exploration, she tapped into her power. No conscious thought was needed, like what happened with Lisa. The bread was consumed with mold then fell apart in her hands.

Chloe was overjoyed and made it very well known. Max just looked at her hand in both fear and disgust. This changed everything.

Seeing the look on her face, Chloe stopped her excited praising. “You don’t look very happy,” she said. “I thought you’d be happy you can control it now.”

“I am happy for that,” Max said. “At the same time this power…this power is dangerous. It’s like I’m walking around with a loaded gun without a safety. I-I don’t like it.”

“No one says you have to use it.”

“That’s not what upsets me.” She looked at Chloe. “I can choose whether I want to carry a gun, or a knife, or any other weapon. This? I was never given a choice! Just like my other abilities!

“Yes, I use them for noble purposes, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m at the mercy of someone or something else. That my choice doesn’t matter for anything!” She was angry now, her fists balled and wanting to do something.

Her eyes fell on the other slices of bread. Chloe had placed them on the small table. She willed one to age. Mold spread rapidly across one of the slices, contaminating the others as the first one fell into dust. Chloe whistled appreciatively. “At a distance even,” she said.

“That…that’s not helping me,” Max said as she hid her face behind her hands. She had really hoped that would fail, that it was limited to touch.

“I’m sorry,” Chloe whispered.

“It…thank you,” Max said, trying to keep her voice even. Her life was drifting out of control again, getting a new ability she didn’t ask for disturbed her. And what she discovered about it when she sought to understand it? That disturbed her even more.

Fingers lightly touched her and she jerked away. “Don’t,” she hissed in fear, “I’m not…ready right now!”

Chloe mumbled another apology. Max knew her this wasn’t easy for her either. Dropping her hands and letting Chloe see the tears of frustration on her face, she looked at her.

“I’m really sorry, Chloe. You’re doing your best to support me and help me. Encouraging me and celebrating my successes…I just…I don’t want another ability! And it seems like what I want doesn’t matter!”

“That’s not true. You wanted me to have a happy life. You’ve given that to me and more! Your choices do matter, Max. Maybe you don’t get to choose everything, but that’s true for all of us. When it did matter? When it was a choice you could make? You made your own choice and forced the universe to respect it!

“That’s the most baller thing ever.”

Turning to stare down at her hands, Max thought about her words. “I suppose it is,” she sighed. “But the cost…” She shook her head, not wanting to think about it.

“Thank you,” she whispered. Rising, she stretched, then rubbed the tears from her face. “Bed time for us. You have an important event today, launching your code to production.”

“You remembered that? You’re awesome, Max! Thanks.”

She wandered into the bathroom to use the toilet and prepare for bed. When she came out, she found the futon all made up. On the floor nearby, Chloe had laid out all their spare towels, blankets, and sheets into a makeshift bed.

“I uh, figured you’d want to sleep the first night alone,” Chloe said awkwardly, “At least to give you confidence that you can control it.”

“Thank you,” Max said as she looked at the setup. Her favorite blanket was on the futon. She decided it needed to stay there for Chloe to use. She knelt by the makeshift bed and began examining it.

“That’s…that’s where I’m going to sleep,” Chloe said.

She looked up at her. “You need to have the futon,” she said, “you have an important day tomorrow. You need better sleep than what you’ll get on the floor.”

“And you have had a very stressful day. You need your comfort, the sense of familiarity. And softness.” Chloe spoked warmly as she knelt beside Max. “You need to sleep on the futon.”

The debate went back and forth a few minutes, before Max relented. She would take the futon and Chloe would sleep on the floor.

Max rose and leaned over to grab her blanket off the futon. Dropping it on Chloe’s bed, she pulled one of the other blankets from it.

“What are you doing,” Chloe protested. “You need your blanket to sleep!”

With a nervous smile, Max said, “Umm, I’d rather lose a regular blanket than my favorite!”

Chloe whooped, saying, “Yes! I get to sleep with your favorite blanket!”

She narrowed her eyes at Chloe. “Don’t get any ideas,” she cautioned her. “It’s still mine! If you so much as hurt it, you will get such a tickling when you least expect it!”

Fingering the blanket, a sly look came over Chloe’s face. “Hmmm,” she said, “a tickling you say?”

“Don’t!”

Chloe laughed at her instant bristling. “I won’t, I won’t.” Before Max could do anything, she stepped close and kissed her.

“Eep,” Max said. “Please don’t! I’m still-”

“I know,” Chloe said warmly. “You needed a goodnight kiss though and I wasn’t going to let that pass by.” With that, she dropped the blanket and went to the bathroom.

Max changed into her pajamas and slipped under the covers. Sleeping without Chloe, or her blanket, set her on edge. It’s only for tonight though. Tomorrow all will be well. With those thoughts, she settled back and closed her eyes.

Lips brushed hers, startling her eyes open. The room was dark and Chloe was nowhere to be seen. She heard her on the floor next to the futon, sliding under the covers. A soft giggle betrayed her.

“Pirates gotta steal their kisses! Good night, time lord.”

Morning dawned and all was the same. Nothing had turned to dust. Max rose and cautiously went about her routine. Nothing happened. Each action, each moment that passed without incident strengthened her confidence.

She managed to make breakfast for them, and walk Chloe to the bus stop. While they waited, she took a risk and threw her arms around Chloe. She almost cried when Chloe wrapped her in her own arms. Part of her had feared she’d never be able to hold her again.

Taking that as a good sign, Chloe gave her a warm kiss before getting on the bus. Max walked back to the apartment. Maybe today would be a good day.

She hadn’t told Chloe about the designs though. One thing at a time. Controlling this new ability was more important than designs that were no longer visible.

The day passed like any other. She went to work and all her sandwiches, and other items, turned out well. Nothing and no one turned into dust. Evening came and she made dinner. Chloe had texted her she’d be a little late.

When she opened the door an hour after her normal time, Max had a hot meal waiting for them. She forgot it though as Chloe hauled a largish box into the apartment.

“A new table,” Max squealed, with only a hint of guilt about destroying their old one.

Setting the box down, Chloe strode over and took Max into her arms. She kissed her long and deep, not letting go until Max started hitting her shoulder. They broke away, Max stumbling backwards into the wall. “Wowsers,” she said, breath taken away by the passion in Chloe.

“Fuckin amazeballs!” Chloe had a huge grin on her face. “Not being able to show you affection for almost 24 hours was 25 hours too long!”

Returning to the stove to check dinner, Max said, “I very much agree with that!”

Chloe closed the door, then shed her coat and backpack. “I hope you don’t mind that I bought the table without you. This one is really similar to what we used to have.”

“No, I don’t mind. Food’s ready though. You can tell me about it while we eat.”

Chloe disappeared into the bathroom to wash her hands. Max loaded plates with the food, macaroni and cheese and green beans. She set the plates on the small table in the living room, then brought back drinks.

Plopping herself on the futon, Chloe took her plate and started eating. “My project went to production today,” she said with a grin. Cheese sauce was smeared across her lips and chin. It was a tempting look.

“That’s great,” Max exclaimed.

“Even better news. I got a raise!”

“Oh, wow! I wasn’t expecting that!”

“Well, do you remember telling me I should tell my boss I needed one? I took your advice a few days ago and did it. He agreed! He gave me a 10 percent raise.”

“Wow! That’s a lot!”

“It sure is, sista! And it’s all thanks to you!”

“No…you’re the one with the skill. I didn’t do anything.”

“Max…” Chloe put down her plate and looked at her. “If you hadn’t told me how valuable I am, and helped me see it, I never would have talked to him about a raise. You helped me have confidence to ask. Thank you.”

Warmth flooded Max’s cheeks and she kept her eyes focused her plate. Lips brushed her cheek and she flinched. “Damn, but you’re good at sneaking those in.”

Chloe laughed. “When your cheeks went all red I wondered what a hot Max would taste like.”

Even more heat rushed to Max’s face and it was like her ears were on fire. “And…how…do…I taste?”

Her answer was another kiss, this time on her cheese covered lips. “Delicious,” Chloe said as she leaned away.

Max stammered and stuttered out some nonsensical words. It was a few moments before she could say anything coherent. “You’re insufferable,” she said. Her face was still burning. Even as she playfully chided Chloe, she savored the touch and taste of Chloe.

“How was your day,” Chloe said as she picked up her plate.

“Boring. I was so happy.”

Chloe nodded. “That is good. Do you think we can go back to sleeping in the same bed tonight?”

“Yes!” Max’s eyes widened. Oh lord, did she sound a little too eager? Pushing aside that awkward thought, she concentrated on finishing her meal. Next to her, Chloe chuckled.

After dinner and cleaning the kitchen, they tackled the project Chloe brought home. The package was rather heavy. Max wondered how Chloe got it up the stairs by herself. The girl was definitely stronger than she appeared.

It took about an hour for them to assemble the table and two chairs. The color wasn’t exactly the same as the older one, but it was close enough. Seeing it where the old one stood gave Max a sad smile. She ran her finger across its surface. “I hope you fair better than your predecessor,” she said.

Chloe took the packing materials to the curb for pickup. They spent the evening playing games. When it was time for bed, Max found herself preparing with a nervous excitement.

Only one night apart and it was like the first night again. She looked forward to being in the same bed again. Chloe obviously felt the same way. When she exited the bathroom, pajamas already on, she crossed the room in two steps and leaped on the futon behind Max.

“Watch it,” Max yelped as feet went over her head. Chloe was already squirming underneath the sheet and blanket to snuggle behind her.

“I never thought,” Chloe whispered into her ear, “that I would miss this so much.”

Giggling, Max turned over to face her. With arms wrapped around each other, they sank themselves into a long, deep kiss.

“Shit,” Chloe exclaimed.

“What?”

“Who’s going to turn off the light?”


	23. Chapter 23

Morning dawned and Max fluttered opened her eyes. An arm lay across her midriff, Chloe’s arm. Her hand stole down, to touch, then stroke it. Nothing had happened during the night. Despite the confidence she had yesterday, she had still feared something would happen and she'd awaken to…No! She wouldn’t think about that.

Focusing her attention on the warmth of Chloe, bare arm on her stomach, she ran her fingers along its length. Instead they were together, starting a new day side by side.

Taking a shuddering breath, Max sank herself into the sensations. It wasn’t just the physical contact that captured her attention, it was the emotional as well. How she longed to not just touch those emotions, but accept them fully into her life.

She couldn’t though, especially not after everything that was happening. Her life was a whirlwind, spinning everything she knew out of control. Little did Chloe realize just how tenuous her hold on everything was.

“It doesn’t have to be.” She knew that’s what her wife would tell her, if she was alive. But her wife didn’t know…couldn’t know just what was happening. She didn’t really understand it. It was all she could do to make it day by day.

Her fingers curled around Chloe’s. The smoothness of skin, and firmness of bone within were both part of her focus. If only holding on to everything was as simple as holding Chloe’s hand. It never was, though.

With one last fond wish for the ability to hold Chloe forever, Max slipped from under her arm. It was time to start the day. Time to show Chloe what care and love she could express with the little time remaining. Before it all slipped away again.

The day moved into afternoon, evening, and then into other days. Each of them moved along as well. Max fell back into her routine. The surge of life and enthusiasm she’d felt from Chloe supporting her with her new power, was short lived. It faded into anxiety and dread.

These dogged her everywhere, as present as the insistent sound or singing only she could hear. It grew steadily stronger. Some days her body thrummed from it, an involuntary response that freaked her out. She supposed she should discuss it with Chloe, but she was already resigned to an inescapable end.

And so it went, a time lord and a code lord moving through day after day. Max celebrated each success Chloe experienced at work, and supported her with each setback. She found opportunities to bring lunch at least once a week to Chloe. Each time, Chloe greeted her with remarkable enthusiasm and for those few minutes all was right. Chloe had a way of drowning out everything else by force of presence. Even that distant note faded into a whisper when she was excited.

Despite many ideas from Chloe, Max refused to use her new power. “You could turn off the light by aging the lightbulb,” Chloe suggested that first night they were back in bed together. Though her suggestions brought a smile to Max’s face, the ability scared her.

It wasn’t as if Chloe didn’t know what was going on. The number of worried looks she gave Max were noticed. More than once Chloe tried to get her to open up. Each time it was the same thing: everything was going too fast, she was scared to open herself to Chloe because she knew, just knew, a reset was coming.

Chloe did her best to care for Max, as much as the girl would let her. As the days went by, Max began withdrawing more and more. Everything she did for Chloe became tinged with a frantic edge. If she made a mistake with Chloe’s meal, or forgot to do something for her, it was met with tears and strongly voiced negative opinions about herself.

Chloe chided herself for how long it took her to realize what was happening. February fourteenth was approaching. The memory of a gemstone pathway, a warm bath, and tender care sprang before Chloe’s eyes. Her fingers froze on the keyboard as she mentally cursed herself.

Valentine’s day must be so painful for her. The text on screen had become blurry as she thought about her girlfriend. Clearing her eyes, she pulled up her calendar. She needed to do something for Max, something to help her heal.

An idea came to mind, but she hesitated. Would Max appreciate that? It was risky certainly. Right now Chloe would risk anything, her own life even, to bring the glow of life back to Max. Deciding on her course, she composed an email to her boss.

The next morning over breakfast, Chloe mustered her courage. “What would you think about taking another road trip,” she asked around a slice of bacon.

Finishing her bite of eggs, Max asked, “To where?”

“Medford.”

The name surprised Max, and she halted the next bite halfway to her mouth. “Why Medford?”

“Well, for starters I’ve never been further south than Eugene. I thought it would be cool to explore the southern part of the state.”

“Sure, that’s a good reason.” Chloe was squirming in her chair though, which told Max something else was afoot. “What other reason?”

“From everything I’ve read it seems like a place you’d like. A smaller city, smaller even than Portland, with lots of open spaces. I thought we could drive through the Siskiyous, maybe go over to Crater Lake. There’s lots of nature things to do there.”

Max nodded her head. Chloe was still acting weird, but her reasons seemed quite plausible.

“When do you want to go?”

Chloe avoided her eyes as she said, “I was hoping we could go this weekend, leave Friday come back Sunday.”

Narrowing her eyes, Max said, “Did you already take off Friday?”

Chloe nodded, furiously shoving more food into her mouth. “And you already looked at my schedule to know I have Friday off, didn’t you?”

That caused Chloe to grin at her. Sighing, Max said, “Ok, let’s go. A trip would be fun. A trip with just us is even better.” With her in agreement, Chloe returned to her normal self.

The week passed quickly and before she knew it, Max was placing her suitcase into the trunk of the car. “Ok, so are you going to tell me where we’re staying and what your plans are?”

“Nope,” Chloe said. The grin on her face teased Max, who fought the urge to reach out and do something to her girlfriend. Chloe had been insufferable the last couple of days, hinting at things she had planned for the trip with not enough details to let her guess what they were.

Getting in the car, Chloe started it and made sure the radio was synced with Max’s phone. While Chloe liked to joke that Max’s music was on the sleep inducing side, Chloe had made it clear this trip was about her. Smiling as one of her favorite songs came on, Max settled into her trip for the multi-hour drive.

They hit the freeway, headed south, through forests and hills and open fields. Their talk was simple and filled with their typical banter. Max kept trying to get more hints from Chloe, who kept distracting her with bad deflective puns.

Around midday when Chloe exited the freeway, Max looked at her. “Ok, we’re in Medford, now will you tell me what you’re planning?”

Sitting at the traffic light behind other cars, Chloe looked at her. “Yes,” she said, drawing the word out hesitantly.

“Well?”

“Let’s check-in to our hotel and then I’ll tell you.”

Max looked around, keeping her thoughts to herself. Her eyes briefly lit upon the Siskiyou mountains to the south, but otherwise did not stay focused on one location long.

Pulling into the hotel parking lot, Chloe went inside to register. Max stayed outside. With Chloe gone for the moment, Max let the fun-loving exterior she’d perfected this week fade away. Closing her eyes, she focused on keeping herself calm. Did Chloe know? How could she know?

A tapping at her window startled her. Opening her eyes, she found Chloe outside, a smile on her face. With the car off she couldn’t roll down the window, so she opened the door. “Hey, you’re gonna have a great time this weekend! Just wait until you see what’s planned. It’s hella cool!”

“Wha-?” But Chloe had already turned around, walking back into the hotel. That was weird. Closing her door, Max looked at herself in the mirror. Drat, she looked nervous. Chloe probably saw that and just wanted to reassure her. Even though she’d have no idea why she was nervous.

Moments later, Chloe exited the lobby and got in the car. “Oh, that was dumb of me,” she said, “I should have left the car on for you. Sorry about that.”

“Chloe,” Max said and placed her hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure I’ll have a good time this weekend with whatever you have planned.”

Looking at her with brows slightly lowered, Chloe said, “Sure. I’m glad to hear that Max. We can talk about it once we’re in our room.”

Driving the car a few feet into a parking spot, she turned it off and they got out. Retrieving their bags from the trunk they hurried into the lobby. Their room was on the top floor.

When Max entered the room, she got a surprise. It was a suite, with a living room separate from the bedroom. “How much did this cost you,” she asked as she walked back and forth between the two rooms.

“Doesn’t matter,” Chloe said as she plopped herself on the couch. She patted the seat next to her. “Cost is nothing compared to your comfort and happiness.”

“Sure,” Max said as she sat in the indicated spot. “But my comfort isn’t worth blowing all your money.”

“Sista, the only thing I wanna be blowing is you, but that’s not the topic.”

“That was…really bad. What is the topic?”

Slipping an arm around Max, Chloe leaned a little closer. “You are.”

“Why…am I the topic?” Her voice ended the question a little higher than usual.

There was a silence that stretched into discomfort before Chloe spoke. “Before I say anything else Max, I want you to know I love you. Everything about this weekend is motivated by my love for you.

“Please don’t be mad at me…I…brought you here…to help you heal.”

“No.” Her voice wouldn’t go above a whisper. Her throat had tightened quickly at Chloe’s words. She knew what Chloe meant. “No…please, no.”

“Max.” Moving off the couch, Chloe knelt in front of her. “You need to mourn her. Please don’t hate me for this…but it was the only thing I could think of. You haven’t been the same since Arcadia Bay, since your memories were restored.

“I know what date is coming up, and what it means to you. It’s killing you, and hurting us. I’m scared for you Max, for you…for us. You need to heal. You haven’t been back here since it happened have you?”

Max shook her head. She didn’t want to shake her head. It just kind of happened. Something was in her throat, along with the constriction, and breathing was painful.

Chloe’s fingers lightly stroked her cheek. “How many years has it been for you,” she breathed. “You told me it’s been 72 resets. No matter the number, no matter how long, for you it’s always as if it was yesterday.”

Max looked away. She would not cry. She would not give in to this. She could be…strong. Yes she could be strong. Those fingers though, still stroking her cheek, stirred memories too painful to remember.

* * *

“That’s it, Max! You got it!” Chloe voice was filled with laughter and cheer as the kite climbed high into the sky. A home made drone, it was Chloe’s idea to fasten the lightweight camera to a kite. Calling it a drone was a stretch, but that didn’t matter.

Max joined Chloe in the laughter at seeing the inane idea actually work. Today was an especially windy day, making it easy for the kite to take flight.

“Ok, while it’s up there, take a picture.” Chloe was at her side now, reaching into Max’s pocket for the remote.

“Watch where you put your hand,” Max said, flinching away from Chloe’s eager hand.

“Your pocket is too small.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Whatever you want,” Chloe said with a grin as she turned Max’s head and kissed her. “But really, you should wear guys’ jeans like I do. Actual pockets.”

“They fit you quite well,” Max said as she turned her attention away from what Chloe was doing and back to the kite. “I don’t like how they fit me.”

“Hmmm,” Chloe said. “Guess it’s true that only I fit you.”

“Chloe! Not in public!” Max looked around horrified, burning in her cheeks. No one was within earshot though. “Focus,” she hissed, but she couldn’t keep the smile from her voice. “Besides, the remote is in my back pocket you goofball.”

“Back pocket, got it,” Chloe said as she stepped in front of Max. She reached around her and slipped her hands into the back pockets.

* * *

“Wow! That was…something else,” Chloe said as the vision faded.

Max nodded, not looking at Chloe.

“She seems so full of life.”

Again Max nodded.

“And you’re keeping all of that pent up in you. You haven’t mourned her. You need to. I see what you’ve been doing these past weeks. Taking care of me, giving me the best home experience I could ask for. Even when I don’t ask you to.

“It’s just a mask though, to hide what’s really going on. You need to let it out. That’s what this trip is for. Not to forget her, but to remember and celebrate her life.”

“I don’t want to remember.”

Moving to be in her line of sight, Chloe said, “is that what she would’ve wanted?”

The words made Max curl her hands. Chloe’s hold prevented her from forming fists. “Damn you,” she whispered throatily. “Don’t…don’t use her against me!” Her eyes closed tightly, trying to squeeze an image of Chloe looking mournful from her mind.

Chloe’s hand moved to her shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she said, “that was mean of me. You’re right, I shouldn’t use her against you. Can you forgive me?”

Nodding her head, Max opened her eyes. “Yes, I can and I do,” she said, still whispering. Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly. She focused on Chloe’s hair, trying to count the different colors it had. One, two, three, four, five, maybe six. Counting and examining those colors moved her mind into a steadier state.

“Why didn’t you tell me this is what you wanted to do?”

Chloe didn’t answer right away. Now it was her turn to look away. When she looked back it was hard for her to look Max in the eye. “I thought you wouldn’t come if I told you the real reason.”

After another pause, Chloe added, “I’m really worried about you, Max. Ever since the trip home you’ve been different. You’re changing and in the past few weeks, that change has accelerated. I’m scared…scared of losing you.”

Those words made Max look up and catch Chloe’s eyes. Those blue eyes she adored looked different now. Sadder. “I am changing,” she whispered, “and I don’t understand it, not fully.”

Taking Chloe’s hands in hers, Max continued, “there’s…something in me, something I don’t understand. It’s like…like a part of my power that’s evolved.” Pulling Chloe close, she whispered, “I’m scared too.”

Chloe’s arms went around her. “Well,” she whispered in Max’s ear as they hugged, “we can be scared together. We can do anything, as long as we’re together.”

Max nodded at that, trying to sink herself into the sensations of Chloe next to her. Her eyes closed as her hands twisted themselves in Chloe’s shirt, clenching under the strain as whatever was inside of her began pushing to get out.

Taking a breath, Max held it and focused on Chloe. The beat of her heart. Her own breath going in and out. The warmth of her. The texture of her shirt twisted in her hands.

Letting her breath out slowly, Max made her hands open, freeing Chloe. “Okay,” she said, “let’s do this. I do have one question before we begin.” She focused on Chloe’s eyes. “How did you know we lived in Medford?”

Chloe turned away, her free hand going to her head to scratch. “Well…” she said, “a couple of ways. The scenes from your memories gave me a lot of clues. Steph and Rachel helped me with the search. The other…well, you may not believe this, but, I kind of knew.”

“What do you mean you kind of knew?”

Returning her gaze to Max, Chloe took up her hand again. “Do you remember a few weeks ago at Kate’s when I told you how I knew where you were?”

Max nodded, though she’d rather forget that time.

“It’s the same way. When I got the idea a few days ago to help you heal, by helping you mourn…I knew I had to bring you to Medford.”

“Knew?”

“I…don’t have a better explanation for it. Sometimes it’s like a voice telling me. Other times it’s like a feeling or pressure.”

“How many time has this happened?”

“Only a few times. The lighthouse, the junkyard, Kate’s, this one. I can’t think of any others.”

What did this mean? “I’ve never heard of this before. None of you have ever told me about something like this,” Max said after a long pause.

“Just like no other Chloe has ever seen your recent memories. And until this time line no one besides me experienced your memories. What if…” And now Chloe pulled away and stood up. Her arms swung loosely by her sides as she paced. “What if these things mean…I don’t know! What if they mean this time it’s different. That you won’t have to reset!”

It was like everything about Max went still. Her breathing stopped. No longer could she hear or feel her heart beat. Max sat, hands in her lap, as Chloe’s words circled through her.

It took Chloe kneeling before her again to bring her back to herself. “What do you think, Max?”

“I think…I don’t know. I…” She turned away from Chloe, not wanting to think about the idea. It was hard enough facing what Chloe wanted to do. “Can we just…face one emotionally hard situation at a time?”

“Sorry about that. Yes, we can.”

“Thanks.”

“Were you ever able to take a picture with that thing?”

Max tilted her head and looked at Chloe. “Picture? Oh! You mean with our kite drone?” A sad little giggle went through her as she remembered. “Yes we did. And we learned why people buy actual drones instead. The pictures were incredibly blurry!”

Chloe joined her in the brief laughter, then brought her to her feet. “Are you ready to celebrate her life?”

The laughter died at her words, and Max eyes fell. “I guess.”

“Look at me, please?”

Max looked at her. Chloe touched her face tenderly, fingers brushing aside errant hair.

“I know this will be painful. I don’t want it to be cruel. I am here for you, in what ever way you need me.”

“Thank you.”

Chloe led her from the room and back to their car. It was warmer in Medford than in Portland with hardly any snow on the ground. They drove for a few minutes before Chloe pulled into a parking lot. Max stepped from the car and looked around. The buildings had that nostalgic familiarity to them. They were the same, but different.

Stepping to her side, Chloe took her hand. Looking into the sky, Max concentrated a few minutes on the clouds overhead. What would it be like to soar among them? Lowering her eyes, she gave Chloe a smile and began walking down the sidewalk.

The storefront that was Chloe’s tattoo parlor in another life was a barbershop in this one. They stood outside awhile, Max staring at the window. Whoever had done the signage did a poor job with the font face. It was ugly. The kerning was inconsistent, sloppy. In some ways that made this sadder.

In her mind she still heard the little bell ring that first time Chloe entered the shop. Her excited swearing at seeing the equipment, the love and care she put into the decorating, these memories and more swirled through her.

“Tell me about her…about what this shop meant to her.”

Max stayed silent, still lost in memories that threatened to consume her. Her voice was a whisper as she finally spoke. “It was…her dream to be a tattoo artist. Not exactly what Joyce and William wanted, but they helped pay for the necessary training as long as she went to college.”

Max traced the building’s bricks as she spoke. They were painted a different color. In her mind she still saw that faded blue gray they’d had. “She had a part time job in one of the local shops, and made a few tats of her own there. To have her own shop though…it’s something she thought she’d never have, not at least for many years.

“This shop…meant a dream come true for her. It mean that she’d made it. Eight months after opening, it had already been featured in a number of magazines, blogs, and other media important in the world of body art. She was getting a good reputation.”

Max leaned back against the building, letting her head rest on its cold surface. Closing her eyes, she remembered. “A year after opening, she was interviewed for possible inclusion on some reality TV show. That night, when she came home…she was so alive! The light in her eyes when she spoke about the interview…it was unreal!

“She was on such an emotional high that I couldn’t even get her to sit down to eat. She walked all over the living room with her plate in one hand and waving a fork in the other. Her gesturing got really wild and her food slid off her plate. It left a stain on the carpet.”

In her mind she saw it, Chloe walking around, so animated! So alive! The spaghetti flew off the plate and landed on the carpet. A horrible sensation pounded her and she couldn’t breath! Something wrapped around her throat and body, keeping the breath away from her.

Falling to her knees, she pushed and grasped and shoved at herself until air burst into her lungs. But it wasn’t enough! Arms were on her shoulders, but she barely felt them through the pain coursing through her. Her heart squeezed and sank, pulling down whatever happiness she might have felt reliving Chloe’s joy.

“She…I…I got mad at her for staining the carpet!”

Chloe stood in front of her minds eye, a frown and light of anger in her eyes. Sharp words split the air and Chloe stalked off.

“No! Chloe! Come back! I’m sorry, it was my fault! My fault!” Her hands reached for the empty air where her wife had stood just moments ago, but nothing was there, not even warmth. A great wail burst from her as she looked around, eyes searching for her wife.

But she was gone. And she’d never come back. She’d never again feel her arms, or her lips, or enjoy all those special ways she had to bring her pleasure. Never again would she be the reason for that rascally smile.

She was gone and what did she have? A stained carpet.

Her body shook in between her shouts and bursts of crying. Why’d she get mad over the stain? Why? If she…if she hadn’t gotten mad they’d still be together! She knew it!

Arms curled around her and she pushed them away. They weren’t her wifes and that’s all she wanted. That’s all she ever wanted. And what she would never have again.

“I want my wife! Where’s my wife? Where’s my Chloe?”

“I know you do. Your wife can’t be here with you,” Chloe said warmly as she again put her arms around the trembling Max. Watching her devolve into an emotional mess, blaming herself because of a stain, had brought tears to her eyes. “No matter how much I wish she was here to help you, she can’t be here. I’m here for you.”

“Why,” Max screamed as loud as she could, the sound piercing Chloe’s hearing. “Why? Why can’t she be here? All I wanted is for her to be happy but all I’m able to give is death and misery.”

“That’s not…that’s not true. You just told me how happy she was, how your helping her get that tattoo parlor made a dream come true for her. Every memory I’ve seen of her she’s happy. That’s what you need to remember, not that she’s gone, but that she was happy.”

“Why…can’t we be happy together?” Max let herself be held by Chloe as she slumped over into her lap. Everything outside faded away as the pain and darkness flared within her. Loss. Hopelessness. It always came to that.

Much later, when her tears were spent and her throat raw, Chloe coaxed her into standing up. Brushing off what she could of the dirt and snow and mud, Chloe told her, “Come on, there’s a place nearby that I think will help you.”

Returning to the car, they got in and Chloe started driving. Max rubbed her face. Her eyes felt so raw and puffy. That consuming ache was still with her. Her hands played with her coat and pants, not wanting to hold still. The vision of blue eyes hurt was all she could see.

“Here we are,” Chloe said as she opened her door. Her voice startled Max into awareness. Looking around, Max saw they were near a park. As she got out, she realized she recognized it.

“Bear Creek Park,” she whispered as she closed the door. “We used to come here all the time! It was your favorite place to skate!” She practically ran to the skate park area, now icy and coated with snow. “You were the queen of vert at this park.” She looked at the ramps and halfpipes, dusted white.

Although it wasn’t what Chloe expected, she decided to work with it. Taking Max’s hand, she leaned close. “Tell me about her.”

“Next to tattoos, and me of course, skating was your life! You tried so hard to teach me. You even bought me my own board and equipment, but I’m too clumsy. I kept falling off.

“I still remember the day you did your first 720 off the big pipe over there. We’d been coming here every weekend during the spring and summer. We practically lived here. We’d come here and I’d walk around taking pictures or being in the quiet spots. You’d be here practicing.

“After one of my walks, I came back to find a crowd gathered around the pipe. Apparently you’d come close a few times and the other skaters and their friends were really stoked. You did it just a few minutes after I returned. You came off that pipe like you were walking on clouds. You were so sweaty and smelly and dirty, but you were so gorgeous and, like always, wouldn’t stop talking.

“Some of the younger skaters were really impressed and wanted your autograph. You saw me standing down here in the crowd. You leaped off the deck, came over and gave me the most embarrassing kiss. And I didn’t want you to stop.”

Through the haze of blurred vision, Max saw it all. The crowds of young people on the deck, and gathered round the ramp. Chloe pumping her body as she went back and forth. The air she got off each end. Five, six, seven, more feet. The cheers and jokes of the onlookers.

That last ascent, Chloe moving so fast she was almost flying. So single-minded and focused. Up into the air, hand doing a frontside grab. The turn. Once. Twice. The swell of excitement so powerful it pressed against her.

Chloe dismounting, cocky smile, and thumb’s up as she spun the board in her hand. People pressed against her and she smiled and spoke to them. Her eyes were scanning though, questing for someone. When they found her in the crowd, hiding near the back, she ignored everyone else.

She walked across the deck, slid down the ladder and pushed her way through the crowd. Stopping in front of Max, she unfastened her helmet and let it slip to the ground. Her clothes were damp with sweat, sticking to her in appealing ways.

Heat and excitement and passion rolled off her in waves. Around her the crowd surged and approached. “Well,” Chloe asked, still out of breath. “Did you see it?”

“That was the most amazing thing I’ve seen,” Max angered truthfully. Her answer produced a dazzling smile on Chloe’s face. Dropping her board, she snaked one arm around Max’s waist and pulled her close.

Chloe’s body was hot and sweaty, and her chest was still heaving from the excitement. She smelled of salt and grime and excitement and want. Raising a hand, she cupped Max’s cheek, leaned in and kissed her.

The crowd came alive, but their surge of excitement faded into the background as the two lost themselves in each other. The adrenaline and excitement coursing through Chloe gave her a life and energy to her kiss that Max had never experienced. She felt like she was being drawn into Chloe by the energy and passion being passed to her.

She found herself pressed against Chloe, her girlfriend, not her wife. Her face was buried in Chloe’s chest; arms holding her tight in a comforting embrace. “I never got a picture of it,” she whispered. “I didn’t have my camera ready.”

“Why didn’t you just rewind and take the picture?”

Max let the silence lengthen. Despite the weather there were people in the park and she focused on the distant laughter of children playing. She held up her hand, just like she used to do at first.

“When I first learned of my ability that’s what I would do, rewind everything. The more I did it…the less connected I felt to the world.” She looked up at her girlfriend.

“Something I’ve struggled with since very young is feeling disconnected from the world, from reality. Only two things really helped me feel connected: my camera…and you. When I used my rewind for everything I could feel even those connections weakening. Now…I mostly use rewind for important things, like preventing hurt.”

Tilting her head against, Max’s, Chloe said, “That night you opened up to Steph and I, you called yourself an anomaly and a freak. Is that related to your not feeling connected to the world?”

Turning her head down, Max said, “Yes. As a kid I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere but with you. Then I get this power? What else should I conclude but that I’m a freak.”

“How about freaking awesome! Or maybe ‘best choice ever’! Could you imagine,” Chloe said as she tried to look into Max’s eyes, “what I would do with this power?”

Max snorted, “Win contests, prank people, get people in trouble, get your own way…the list is endless.”

“Fuck. You’ve already had this conversation with me, haven’t you?”

“Once or twice.”

“The point is, you are the best person to receive this power. You care, a great deal, about people. For someone who doesn’t feel connected to this world, the world has a lot it owes you.”

Those words washed over Max like a soothing balm. The pain and darkness inside Max ebbed some at their approach. Yet her body trembled as her heart both sought to accept the praise, and reject it. “Thank you,” she said in a small voice.

“You’re welcome. Now, let’s say we find some place to eat.”

“I may know a place.”

The place Max had in mind was within walking distance of the park. A local pizza place with local flair, and outdoor seating when the weather was better. They stepped into the interior and Max sighed.

“We used to come here after spending time in the park. We’d get a booth in the back and she’d spend time making new designs while we talked. I’m glad it’s actually here.”

Chloe craned her head and spied a place for them. Taking Max by the hand, she said, “Let’s do it then, get that booth in the back.”

“I don’t know,” Max said as Chloe pulled her through the throngs of tables. She wasn’t really protesting though, more voicing her doubt about being here.

The evening turned out rather well. The pizza was good and Chloe enjoyed the beer. They talked and laughed and Max opened up more about her former life.

Late at night as they lay cuddled under the blanket in the hotel room, Max turned over. “Thank you,” she said as she kissed Chloe. “I don’t know yet if this is helping…but I want you to know I’m glad you’re trying.”

“Anything for you, babe,” Chloe said as she kissed Max on the forehead.

* * *

The storm churned its way toward the unsuspecting town. Debris of all sizes spun through the air, crashing to earth once leaving its influence. Balance was needed here. Destruction to counter the change. Entropy.

A light sparked from a nearby bluff, accompanied by a sound. It was a complement to the thrum of the storm. The sound, nay voice, pulled at it. The storm, great and powerful and immense turned in its path.

* * *

The morning dawned foggy and drab. After a shower and clean clothes, they took breakfast in the hotel restaurant. The food was ok, but the coffee was terrible.

Max focused on her food, trying to not think about where the day might lead them. Visiting Chloe’s old shop had disrupted her internal balance and it was still very much out of sorts. “What do you have planned for today,” she asked with a smile.

Wrapping her hand around Max’s, Chloe said, “Your apartment.”

Everything around Max went silent and her vision blurred. With great effort she forced air into her lungs. Breathe, she told herself. It was only after she counted the number of ceiling tiles beyond Chloe that Max realized she was in the stillness. So jarring was the revelation that she had retreated there without thinking.

Fighting the urge to leave, to go somewhere, anywhere, she swiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Their apartment. That scared her, a lot. When she thought she had a measure of calm and control, she let time resume. Chloe jumped a little.

“Did you…did you like time jump or something?”

Not meeting Chloe’s eyes, Max said, “Yes. It was…an accident.”

“Ok.” Chloe drew the word out slowly. “Is there…anything I can do for you?”

“Not…not here. Can we…just go there.”

“Sure.”

Chloe signed the bill, assigning the charges to their room. Rising together they put on their coats and left the hotel.

Max kept her gazed fixed outside the car on the trip over. Whenever she could, Chloe held her hand. An unfeeling pervaded her. A nothingness that swallowed any thought or feeling that surfaced. Her unseeing eyes watching the buildings and streets pass as they wended their way through the city.

The car stopped and turned off. Max kept her gaze unseeing. She didn’t want to see, couldn’t see what waited outside.

A hand touched her shoulder. She shrugged it off. It came back, with a voice. “We’re here,” Chloe whispered. Nodding, Max kept her sight the same as she fumbled the door open and stepped out. A chill wind swept over her, her ears and nose immediately going numb, just like her mind and heart.

An arm went around her shoulder and Chloe leaned into her sight. “Max,” She said and her voice was so worried. “Is this…we can skip the apartment.”

“No,” She said from a great distance. “We’re already here.”

“But you’re not really here.” Chloe stood in front of her, commanding her sight and focus.

Summoning herself, Max looked at Chloe, really looked at her. “I’m scared,” she whispered. “I’ve avoided coming back here…In my earliest resets after…it happened…I returned on our anniversary. The third time…it was just too painful. I was moving on…and she wasn’t with me.”

Max stepped close to Chloe, putting her arms around her. “It hurt too much…I…didn’t want to live any more.”

Slipping her arms around Max, Chloe held her tight. “What…?” She couldn’t really form the question she wanted to ask. Max’s words shocked her. The memory of finding Max in her apartment the week after returning from Arcadia Bay came to mind.

“I’m scared that…I’ll slip back into a dark period like that…it’s why I told you I needed to go with you to Arcadia Bay.” She looked up at Chloe. “If you left…I don’t know what you would find when you came back.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this,” Chloe said, “the more you talk, the less I want to take you there.”

“No…I want to do this. I’ve run from this long enough. Plus, you’re with me.” Max gave Chloe a faint smile at the end. “Remember? We can do anything, as long as we are together.”

Chloe looked at her a long time, before finally nodding. Looping her arm in Max’s, Chloe said, “Ok, let’s do this.” They strode to the entrance and entered the building.

Upon stepping into the interior, smoke filled Max’s nostrils and she froze. Closing her eyes, she tried to ignore it. The toes wriggling in her boots, the pressure of Chloe’s arm on hers, these were real sensations. The smoke was just a memory. Powerful yes, but just a memory.

Chloe was saying something to her, something she couldn’t hear as she struggled to dismiss the memory. Opening her eyes, she looked at her. “Sorry,” she said, “just a memory. What were you saying?”

“Memory of…never mind. What I said is I arranged with the landlord for us to view your old apartment. It’s currently vacant. Do you want to come with me to get the key?”

Max looked around the lobby, filled with things both familiar and foreign. “I’ll stay here.”

Peering into her eyes, Chloe asked, “Are you sure? Is it…ok for you to be alone?”

Max nodded. Disentangling her arm, Chloe disappeared down a hallway. After another look around, Max walked toward the elevator. Her fingers traced the reliefed wall. Even in this timeline the imperfections she remembered were there.

Stopping before the elevator she studied it. The iron work was a little different, but it looked the same. Her fingers touched the cool metal, feeling it vibrate with the thrum of power.

“Ready,” Chloe asked, as she joined her at the elevator. Max nodded absently and pulled the doors apart. They entered and Max pressed the floor button while Chloe closed the doors.

Closing her eyes, Max joined her hand with Chloe’s and remembered. The sway and jerks and smells and speed of the elevator were the same. Giggles came to her ears, a memory of when Chloe would get her in the corner and tickle her, or do other things. There was that time the grocery bag had ripped, spilling their groceries everywhere.

Through it all though it was the constant presence of Chloe that she felt and remembered. Both the person next to her, and the one in her memories were with her as the elevator climbed to the top, their floor. She opened the door and they stepped into the small lobby, with a hall branching in two directions.

Leaving the lobby, they walked in silence down the hall. When they took the turn and Max saw their door appear it seemed something grabbed her chest. Each step was harder, each breath a challenge. Blackness crept into the edge of her vision, narrowing as they drew closer. Soon all she could see was the door. Her chest burned from her exertion.

She should be getting closer, but the door seemed to get further away with each step. A pressure built in her head and throat, unrelenting as it bore down.

Laughter sounded around her, she and Chloe returning from a dinner and Chloe was getting handsy. An argument echoed off the walls, from when Chloe discovered the debt she’d taken on to get her the tattoo shop. Those sounds and more pummeled her as she strove to reach the door.

Smooth metal lay under her fingers. A click sounded as a key turned in the lock. The door swung open to a dark entry. Something glinted in the darkness. Several somethings, colorful and small and round.

That thing inside her surged, ripping her emotions from her control, fueling the darkness and emptiness deep in her core. It pressed against her fractures, making them wider, longer, deeper. The pain of loss flowed through them, hammering her relentlessly.

She stumbled backward from the internal assault, breath leaving her in rapid gasps. Her heart pounded, drowning out all sounds. With hands fluttering near her chest, Max looked up. The glittering colored objects stole her gaze. They were all she could see.

With faltering steps she followed the glittering path into her apartment and down the hall. The sense of unreality, of unfeeling, strengthened. It enveloped her in a horrible blanket of numbness.

The path ended where it did so many years before, the entrance to their bedroom. She collapsed against the doorframe, sweaty and weak. Her strength was flagging under the continuous pressure inside. It was like her head and chest were going to explode.

The bedroom was empty, but from the bath she heard the splash of water.

“Shh, My Captain.”

She flinched and closed her eyes. For a moment she almost slipped to the floor. “Don’t call me that,” she hissed with what little breath she had.

“Why? That’s what you are.”

Screwing her eyes shut, she pressed the heels of her hands against her forehead. Control. She needed to control this. She could control this.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself. Shutting everything and everyone out isn’t healthy.”

“Go away! Go away before…before…” She couldn’t say the words. The darkness stole them from her.

“It…hurts! It hurts too much!”

“I know, My Captain. I know. A pain too great. Greater than anyone should have to bear. And yet…you bear it.”

At her words, the pressure inside Max surged and she cried out! Falling to her knees, she bent over, head on the floor.

“I…I can’t…be…here.”

“Yes you can, Max. You need to be here. You need to feel again. Open your eyes and let yourself feel. You aren’t alone.”

Another cry was pulled from Max at the words. “Make it…make it stop! Oh god, I want it to stop! It hurts too much!” She fell onto her side, only somewhat aware that her body jerked and spasmed. Something was pulling at every part of her, trying to rip her apart.

A hand touched her shoulder, then went around them. “Max!”

“Don’t make…don’t make me look!”

Hands lifted her shoulders and turned her. She knew she was facing Chloe, but she didn’t want to open her eyes. She must not open her eyes!

“What’s going on? You’re glowing again!”

Her eyes flew open at the words. The world around them was brightly lit by the lines on her skin. She panted as she struggled to hold herself together. The sensation of being pulled apart intensified. An unbearable tension pulled at her skin, her arms and legs, seeking to rend her in all directions at once.

Another cry was ripped from her. No longer could she tell she was in Chloe’s arms. A churning vortex consumed her vision, singing to her a song of destruction. Brighter and brighter the blue light grew.

“Max.”

Come home.

Whether she was crying, or indeed felt anything, Max could no longer say. Her whole existence was focused on holding onto herself. Searing burned her flesh. Harshness flayed her skin.

“Max.”

Within the blue a hole appeared. No, not a hole! Something that drew the blue in and consumed it. The hole began to take shape.

The vortex drew closer, seeking to trap her. Its singing attempted to drown out the other voice that called to her.

“Max.”

The void among the blue formed into something, no someone! Someone she’d never forget. Physical sight returned to Max and she found herself cradled in Chloe’s arms.

At seeing her eyes open, Chloe choked back a sob in relief. “Oh, Max,” she said, pressing her tighter against herself. “I…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought you here.” As she spoke, the glow around Max faded, returning them to dim shadows.

“N-no, I…” Max couldn’t continue as her thoughts scattered. The pressure inside wasn’t letting up and she turned her face away from Chloe. Everything was fading from her and she couldn’t bear to see her go also.

“Can you walk? I need to get you out of here,” Chloe said as she tried to help Max rise.

“No! I can’t go!”

A gentle pressure on Max’s arms arrested her attention. “Max,” Chloe said with tenderness. “You’ve been acting really strange ever since we got here. First you disappear-”

“Disappear?” She looked again at Chloe. “We came here together.”

Chloe looked at her, brows slightly furrowed and her mouth in a little frown. “Max,” she said. There was no mistaking the undercurrents in her voice. Concern. Worry. Fear. “We came into the building together. I went to get the key. When I came back, you were gone.”

“No.” Max stood suddenly, pulling away from Chloe. But she was weak and stumbled against the wall. “We came up together.” She backed away from her, into their old bedroom. Her hands were waving frantically in front of her.

“You unlocked the door and we came in. You…you called me ‘My Captain’! Ahh!” The pressure inside flared and her vision went black. Her body collapsed to the floor in a pain-filled heap. Something warm and wet trickled onto her lip.

There was a voice from a great distance calling her name. Her mind retreated from it even as her hand reached toward it. Something brushed her hand. Her fingers twitched. Her name was called again, louder.

Let her in.

Come home.

She was sitting up. Arms were around her, holding her close. Her vision cleared and she found Chloe was holding her. Raising her hand, she touched Chloe’s shoulder, reassuring herself she was tangible, real.

Seeing Max’s eyes opened, Chloe said, “I’m taking you out of here.” Without waiting for an answer, she stood, practically picking up Max.

Her legs were shaky, but Max found she could stand. With slow steps, Chloe led her from the room. At the door, Max said, “Wait.” Turning, she looked one more time at their bedroom.

Max lay in bed, propped up by pillows. On her lap she turned the pages of a book, pictures of their life staring back at her. “Do you like them,” Chloe asked with a voice soft and filled with love.

“Like them? I love them,” Max gushed. A tear trickled down one cheek. “I’m so happy…but, I didn’t get you anything special like this!

Chloe gently took the book from her hands and set it to the side. Wrapping her arms around Max, she pulled her onto her lap. “Max,” she breathed into her ear, “you are my valentine. You are all I need.”

At the doorway, Max raised one hand slowly. From the bed, Chloe looked up. The look of love and blissful joy melted into a sad smile. Her own hand raised and waved slightly.

Goodbye.


	24. Chapter 24

Lowering her hand, Max let Chloe lead her away from her old apartment. Something inside Max broke free as she realized she was walking away from her old life. On previous visits, she had come here alone, always alone. Walking away with Chloe was different, but still just as hard. There was a choice she needed to make and she wasn’t sure she was really ready to make it.

“Where are we going next,” Max asked as they waited for the elevator. She was leaning against the wall, not wanting to continue burdening Chloe. Trading glances from Max to the elevator and back, Chloe was silent for a while.

“I…I originally thought we could go visit the cemetery where she was buried,” Chloe finally said. She kept her gaze focused on the elevator as she spoke. “After this…I think that isn’t a good idea.”

“Me neither,” Max said. Pushing herself away from the wall, she walked up to Chloe. Her fingers stroked Chloe’s cheek. “Let’s go somewhere we can talk.”

“The hotel room?”

“No. I need…something else. Let’s go back to Bear Creek Park.”

Chloe nodded. Max slipped her arms around her waist and leaned in. She needed Chloe’s strength right now. And she needed help ignoring the other Chloe’s waiting for the elevator. They kept giving her strange glances.

The elevator arrived and Chloe led her into it. Closing the doors, Chloe hit the first floor button. A giggle behind them brought Max’s eyes to the corner.

Chloe had Max pressed into the corner. Hands were inside shirts and faces were flushed. Max giggled, withdrawing one hand to swat Chloe’s. “Stop it,” she whispered. “Can’t you wait until we’re home?” Chloe growled in response and fastened her lips to Max’s neck.

More and more Chloes and Maxes appeared and disappeared, along with other people, as the elevator descended. Max closed her eyes, wrapping herself around Chloe again. Please let her be real!

It was so hard for her to shake the notion that nothing was real anymore. The journey to the top floor with her wife had felt so real! The soft firmness of her hand, the warmth of her skin, the beat of her heart, all were just as real as the woman she currently held. Learning that the entire experience had happened with a Chloe that no longer existed had shaken her.

“Do you see them,” Max whispered as a former Max laughed at a joke.

“Sure as hell do,” Chloe whispered. Max felt the vibration of her voice as she spoke low. She relaxed a little into her girlfriend. Her mind latching onto the sensation as further confirmation she was real. But even that couldn’t be trusted.

The elevator stopped and they exited through a mass of people coming and going. Max recognized a few former residents, from the prior timeline. Around her other Maxes and Chloes flowed, sometimes giving them strange looks.

Max clung tighter to Chloe as they navigated the mass of people, both real and ethereal. They stayed silent through it, until they got outside. “I don’t suppose you’ve seen that before,” Chloe asked.

“No,” Max said hoarsely. Her throat and mouth were so dry. Outside the others became more ghostly. The crowd thinned into wisps as they made their way to the car. Once inside and buckled in, Max brought her feet onto the seat, burying her face in her knees.

The car moved, Chloe presumably taking them to the park. Max kept her face down, arms wrapped around her legs. Her mind and heart were still trying to sort through what happened in the apartment. It was the sound of Chloe ordering that caused her to look around. They were in a coffee shop drive-thru.

Chloe gave her a brief smile. “I thought something warm and caffeinated would be good while we’re in the park,” she said tenderly. Max nodded then buried her face again.

She stayed that way until the car stopped and Chloe turned it off. Loosing herself, Max stepped from the warm car into the cool winter air. Like yesterday, the distant sound of children playing was heard. Chloe handed her a cup of coffee and then they set off through the park.

There was no destination Max had in mind. Her goal was to be somewhere that helped her be calm. She hoped the park would be that place.

An arm slipped through hers as she walked. “Watcha thinking,” Chloe prompted. Max’s eyes flicked over to her. The blue-haired girl was drinking something without a lid. Steam rose from it and a dab of white cream was on the tip of her nose.

Stopping, Max reached up and wiped the cream off with a finger. A distant memory came to her of doing the same thing in another life. Her arm fell, hand clenched.

An arm slipped around her waist, pulling her close. “Are you going to be ok,” Chloe whispered in her ear. Closing her eyes, Max concentrated. Her fingers rubbed the cream between them, warm and sticky.

Fingers traced over her cheek, brushing hair and more from her face. “You look stressed. Are you ok?” Words breathed in her ear, caring and warm.

Hands on her shoulders, guiding her into a sway to unheard music. “You are hella cute, you know that?” The words wrapped around her heart, pulling her in multiple directions.

The cup in her hand was warm and heavy. The coffee barely touched. The cream on her fingers was rubbed into nothingness. Holding the cup with both hands, she opened her eyes and focused on it. Lifting it, she took a sip, focusing on the warmth as it slipped down her throat.

Eyes down, Max began walking again. Hands slipped around her as she navigated toward a stand of trees in the distance. Words flitted on the air, crashing into her heart. It was difficult to see her destination, the trees becoming blurry.

Her heart pounded and something was pushing her to run, but she resisted. Slow and steady is what she needed right now. A few blue butterflies flew alongside her, their wings bright in the dim early spring sunlight.

Shadows fell across her as she entered the small copse. Not until she was deep in their expanse did she stop walking. Leaning against a tree, she tried to rallying her chaotic thoughts.

There were too many things happening to her and around her. Each touch, each word took another piece from her already weakened heart. She slipped down the tree, to kneel on the ground. The coffee cup lay loose in her hands, still warm, still beckoning.

Again her eyes focused on the cup. It was the only reality she could rely upon right now. The blue lines appeared on her hands, pulsing as the Northern song increased its tempo.

Where was she? When was she? What was she?

Someone knelt by her. A hand took hers, holding it in silence. Max didn’t move. Her eyes stayed on the cup.

“I’m…” What? What was she?

Fingers slipped between hers. A hand lightly stroked the back of her hand.

“There’s something happening with time…” Well of course something was happening! Her hand tightened on the cup, threatening to crush it. Stopping herself before she could spill hot liquid all over herself, Max took a few breaths. An arm looped around her waist.

“I don’t know if it’s coming apart…but I am.” A hand stoked her cheek. Gentle words encouraged her to continue.

“In our apartment…it was like my body wanted to explode.” Someone pressed against her side, warm and supportive. Lips brushed her cheek.

“For weeks now, I’ve heard…something. It’s like a voice, singing. There are no words.” Fingers laced through her hair. She took another sip of coffee. A hand touched her thigh.

“That…thing inside me also hears the voice. It…sings in harmony.” Gently, deliberately, she placed the coffee cup on the ground. A hand took her newly freed one, holding it.

“And those lines are no longer random designs. They form butterflies.” She pushed back her sleeve, revealing the butterflies that chased each other up and down her arm.

Raising her eyes, Max looked at the Chloes that surrounded her. All were real. Their touch warm and alive. “I thought I was saving you,” she whispered, “when all along I was hurting you.”

“What do you mean?” A simple question, whispered in her ear.

Max turned to her right to look at Chloe. The one that asked the question. It was her arm around her shoulders. Her hand that held her right hand.

“Look at how many of you there are! Each one…dead. I wasn’t saving you…I was kill-”

“Don’t you say that,” came strong words to her left. Blue eyes glinted at her in the shadows. “You gave me…us, happiness like we’d never experienced.”

“Then why aren’t you still alive?”

Her words fell to the ground, unanswered, unnoticed. The eyes looked away from her. They didn’t have an answer either. Max looked at her lap.

“Why aren’t we happy? Why am I not happy?”

Fingers traced the tears that trickled down her face. They wiped the tears away, replacing them with soft kisses.

A body pressed against each side of her. Words of comfort, care, and love infused the air around her as each Chloe sought to help her. She was beyond help though, she knew that.

“I’ve resisted so long,” Max whispered to no one. “Losing my Captain broke me. The breaking started in the bathroom in Blackwell. I’ve forgotten how to hope, how to know you. I’m lost, wandering without guidance and direction because my Captain is gone. And now…” Letting her words trail into silence, she slipped her hand from the comforting grasp.

Holding it before her, palm up, she studied the pulsing life in the blue lines. A butterfly flitted in and lighted on her palm. Its little feet tickled her. Slowly she curled her fingers around the creature. It stood still, letting her enfold it.

The insect dissipated into a thin blue mist. It swirled loosely around her fingers before joining with the blue lines lacing her palm.

“I’ve tried to hope again, Chloe. Really, I have! But I’m so broken…” She shook her head, trying to clear that thought from her mind. Her eyes quested among the girls around her, peering into each pair of blue eyes staring at her.

“It’s too late for me,” she whispered. “But not for you.” Her fingers tightened suddenly into a fist. One by one, the Chloes disappeared, until she was alone.

Closing her eyes to block that sight, Max leaned her head back. Alone. All alone. That’s what she’d been for untold years. That’s what she always was. A wetness trickled down her cheek as she wondered why this had to happen.

Arms wrapped around her from behind and she cried out in surprise. “You’re not alone,” Chloe whispered. “And if you let me help you, you’ll never be alone again.”

“How…did you know I was thinking that,” Max said in a strangled voice.

“Because that’s what you’ve been fighting,” Chloe said. “That loneliness is eating you up. No matter how much you give me, you never fully let me in. You fear losing me again.”

Max nodded, her mind pulling up memory of funerals. “She…” her words escaped her, like they often did when she needed them most.

“She’s been telling you to let me help you, to let me in, hasn’t she?”

Again, Max nodded. “How did you you know,” she whispered, trying to stay calm.

“It’s what I would say if the girl I loved was trying to protect her heart. When I’m hurt, that’s what I do as well, try to shield myself. The difference is I get angry and brash. You…you withdraw. You focus everything internally, letting that shield you from everything outside.”

“You said I’ll never be alone again,” Max said after a moments pause. “How can you say that? How can you guarantee that?”

Chloe was silent. Her arms were crossed in front of Max, holding her tight. “That singing,” Max said, raising her hands to hold onto Chloe’s arms, “I know what it is.”

Into the silence that formed around them, Max breathed two words. “The storm.”

Behind her, Chloe flinched and her arms tightened. “It’s…coming?”

“I know how to stop it now,” Max said in answer.

“How?”

Max traced her fingers along Chloe’s arm. The material of her jacket was smooth. Back and forth her fingers moved, providing enough sensation for her to focus. “Take me home,” Max whispered.

They sat there a time below the trees. A chill breeze shot through the copse, stirring their hair. In response, Max moved so she was on Chloe’s lap, sideways to her. With head tucked against Chloe’s neck, Max closed her eyes.

The warmth of her girlfriend suffused her, seeping into her limbs and body. She laid a hand on Chloe’s chest, feeling it move up and down as she breathed. The steady beat of Chloe’s pulse was a soft rhythm against her skin.

“Why do you need to go home,” Chloe finally asked. Her hand was now stroking Max’s hair.

“It’s forming there, up in Portland.”

Chloe swallowed hard, the movement pushing against Max’s head. “How will you stop it,” she asked again.

Max held out her hand again, palm up. The blue lights still glowed along her skin. Blue mist streamed from the lines to her palm, where it swirled and materialized into a blue morpho butterfly. “I…have a way,” Max said.

Breath hissed from Chloe at the demonstration. “Will Steph and Rachel be ok?”

Turning her head to peer into Chloe’s face, Max smiled at her. “They will be, if I get there in time.”

After a moments hesitation, Chloe said, “then we better leave.” Together, they stood and began walking from the trees. Max stopped, slipping from Chloe’s arm. She had left the coffee cup on the ground.

Returning to the tree, Max looked around but the cup was nowhere to be seen. A warm breeze stirred her hair, causing her to unzip her jacket. The sunlight lit the trees with summer brilliance.

After searching for a few minutes, Max turned and walked back to Chloe. Slipping into her arm, Max brushed the shoulder-length blue hair aside and kissed her cheek. “I left my coffee cup behind, but it’s gone now.”

Chloe had no response, other than to squeeze Max against her. They started walking again. Max studied the ground before them. Grass, then gravel path, then snow and ice, the ground cover cycled through the changes with each step they took.

Closing her eyes as they walked, Max trusted Chloe to lead her safely. The lines on her pulsed, similar to a heart beat but more intense. Quickly, she lowered her sleeve and put her hands in her coat pocket, wanting to hide them. She assumed the ones on her face were not visible because Chloe never asked about the large butterfly. And the people she passed in the park didn’t stare.

A sound pricked her hearing. Not the voice, not the singing, it was something different. Pleasant. It took Max a moment to realize Chloe was humming. Opening her eyes, she looked up. Chloe’s spiky, multi-colored hair was outlined beautifully against the sky. For a moment Max wanted to take a picture, but now was not the time.

I wish I could stay in her arms forever. Max pushed the thought from her mind as they neared the car. Now was a time for focusing on Chloe’s future, not herself.

Moments later they were on the road, driving to the hotel. Once there they would pack and leave. The song was growing in strength and volume. Max hoped they would reach home before the storm reached its full strength.

Max exited the bathroom. Packing had gone quick. They didn’t need many clothes for a weekend trip. Bottles of shampoo and conditioner, special for Chloe’s colored hair, were in her hand. She gathered them with their other toiletries in a small bag.

“Are you going to tell her?”

Max froze, her hand still inside the toiletry bag. The voice was Chloe’s but not one she’d heard in a long time. Glancing to her left, she saw her. Chloe looked to be about thirteen, with long blond hair. A pirate cat was on her shirt.

“No,” Max muttered, taking her eyes away from her quickly. A memory she had undone. What? How?

“Why not?”

Chloe’s voice came from behind her, hard and mature. Looking in the mirror, Max saw the girl with spiked red hair standing behind her. Leaning against the counter, she looked into the sink. “Because I want her to be happy.”

A hand slipped onto her shoulder. “Do you think she’ll be happy if she finds out the hard way?” A grown woman with long blond hair looked at her, face creased with worry.

“No,” Max whispered. Her arms shook as she leaned against them.

“Then why not tell her?” Blue eyes looked at her under blue-bobbed hair. Turning to look at Chloe, Max cradled one arm with the other.

“Because if I tell her…” She couldn’t complete the thought, letting her head drop. Her foot toed the carpet.

An arm went around her waist and Chloe leaned against her. Another arm went around her shoulders, pulling another Chloe to her left. The younger Chloe took her hands. “She’ll talk you out of it, won’t she,” the young Chloe said.

It was all Max could do to nod her head. “All I want is for her to be happy,” she said. Her voice was dry and cracked. “She won’t like it…but in time that will go away.”

“Will she really be happy?”

Max tensed at the new voice. Part of her mind noticed how even with other Chloes present, she could always tell the difference. She looked up. Her Captain stood before her, thumbs hooked into her pockets. Her features were soft and eyes bright. One hand raised to touch Max, knuckles brushing against her cheek.

“Just…let me handle this will you? I’m the one that has to live with it.”

“So will she.” Her wife gently lifted Max’s chin to look into her eyes. The look her wife gave her nearly broke her. It took all her strength to tear herself away, to look at the wall.

“Not for long,” Max whispered.

“Got my shampoo and conditioner, Maximus,” Chloe asked as she walked into the bathroom area. Nodding, Max handed her the sack. Chloe stuffed it into a bag. “Well, looks like we’re ready to go save Portland then!”

Chloe paused and looked at Max again. “Your glow is really bright. Maybe you should put on another coat, or gloves.”

Taking her bag, Max opened it and searched inside. Pulling out her gloves, she put them on then closed the bag. Minutes later they were outside in the car.

Once on the highway, the miles melted away behind them. Max kept her eyes focused out the side window. The song and pulse grew in strength and intensity the further north they went.

Reaching across the console, Max placed her hand on Chloe’s thigh.

“That’s…uh…welcome but I think playing isn’t appropriate while I’m driving.”

“Oh? Think you might get the wrong signal and crash,” Max said as she traced a finger tip a few inches up her thigh.

“If that’s the case, I’m taking the next exit!”

Max laughed, a genuine laugh that cast aside some of the anxiety building inside her. “Sorry,” she said, “you had both hands on the wheel and I…well I wanted to hold a part of you, to feel you.”

“Feel me, huh? I guess I’m glad you’re more of a leg girl and not a breast girl.”

“You’re unbelievable sometimes,” Max said good-naturedly. Chloe dropped one hand from the wheel to cover Max’s. Despite her suggestive banter, Chloe didn’t do anything beyond curl her fingers around Max’s hand.

“It’s good to hear you laugh like that,” Chloe said, her words soft and warm.

“Thanks for giving me reason to laugh like that,” Max responded, just as warm.

They drove like that a few minutes, Chloe focused on the road. Max had her head turned, studying her girlfriend. “I’m having trouble knowing what’s real and what isn’t,” Max said softly.

Glancing quickly at her, then back at the road, Chloe asked, “what do you mean?”

Max’s fingers began tracing light circles on the inside of Chloe’s thigh as she thought how best to answer the question. A throat clearing disrupted her thoughts. “Hey, uh, Max. Unless you really are wanting to start something, and it would be quite welcome, you should stop doing that.”

“Doing what-oh!” Max realized what her fingers were doing and moved them. Heat rushed up her neck into her face, stinging her ears.

“Do…do you mind if I ask you something personal first?”

Looking at Chloe, Max saw her cheeks were also a little flushed. “Sure…?”

“When we were married we had sex. That’s pretty obvious from some of the memories. Why…was this embarrassing?”

Uh! “You’re not the same person,” Max said after a moments thought. “Each time…each time it’s like the first time all over. So…I still have some of my inhibitions to overcome with each of you.”

“Really? That’s adorable. You know, that’s one of the things I really appreciate about you, your honesty with topics like this.”

“I’m always honest with you, Chloe.” Liar! She winced as her conscience accused her.

Appearing to not notice the wince, Chloe said, “tell me more about having trouble knowing what’s real.”

It took Max a few minutes to recollect her thoughts. “When we were at our old apartment, I could swear I was with you. You felt so real! We held hands and I could feel your warmth and your pulse. Then upstairs, you told me I had disappeared…

“The few times my wife visited me, at Kate’s and at my parents, I knew it was her and that it wasn’t completely real. Today…” Max shook her head, as if she could shake some logic into what she was trying to say. “Today, nothing was like that. It all seemed real!

“And it seems to be getting worse. At the park and at the hotel many of you came to…talk with me. They touched me, and kissed me and it all felt real!”

“I saw them,” Chloe said. “At the park, when you were talking about how you were breaking. They started showing up as we walked. It was…well it was really weird and I didn’t know what to do. I hoped they were there for a reason so I didn’t do or say anything. Not until they disappeared though.”

Chloe took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I want you to know,” she said softly, “that I don’t want to take the place of your Captain.”

“What? Why are you saying that?”

“Losing her hurt you in a way that you’ve never been hurt before. As much as I wish I could see you so enthusiastic about life like I saw in those memories, I would never wish you to relive that pain.

“I don’t want to replace her. I want to share you with her, with her memory. That’s a reason I took you to Medford, to learn more about what made her special to you. Learning that, helps me better understand and appreciate you.”

“I…I never thought of it that way.”

“There’s so much you’ve been going through I didn’t expect you to. Some days I’m honestly surprised you’re able to keep going. I just…I just wish you would give me the chance to be as special to you.”

“Chloe!” Chloe glanced at her, the sharpness in how Max said her name demanding her attention.

“You are just as special to me,” Max said. “I…I just suck at showing it.”

Her words wrapped themselves around Chloe’s heart. “Thanks Max,” she said, her voice deep with emotion. “And you don’t suck at showing it. It’s…well it seems you have trouble accepting both of us together. That’s something we can work on though.”

Max turned her face away. Chloe’s words hurt her too much. There was no time to work on that, no time to show Chloe just how special she was to her. The view outside blurred into an indecipherable smear of green and blue.

The pressure inside suddenly pushed horribly against Max’s head and chest! Pressing her hands against her eyes, she screamed as her body struggled to stay together. Immense force tried to shove its way out of her in all directions at once! Max curled on herself, screaming as everything inside her burned!

On and on it went until her entire existence was stretched impossibly thin. Blackness seeped at the edges of her vision, fought off by a blue glow. Time lost meaning as she was consumed by the pain. At last the blackness consumed her.

Something was touching her. A voice called to her. Light seeped between her slitted eyelids and she winced. The wince forced a gasp of pain to explode from her. Through it she heard her name from a great distance. She reached for it, pain flaring red and orange in her sight.

The something touching her she recognized as fingers, stroking her cheek. The voice she gradually recognized as Chloe’s. She was lying on the car seat, curled into a ball and slumped over. Chloe was…worried. She was worried.

Whatever had happened had stolen her strength. Her arms were like great weights locked around her knees. Her head must weigh a thousand pounds. She struggled to say something, anything!

“Ch-chloe?”

“Fuckin’ hell, Max! You scared me!”

“Wuh…what happened?”

Chloe didn’t answer her. Opening her eyes, Max struggled to untangle herself. Pain shot through her in sharp, hot needles when she moved. She gasped from the intensity.

Hands gently helped her. They unfolded her arms and moved her limbs. When she tried to sit up, they helped lift her. Their gentle touch helped sooth the pain shooting through her. Tilting her head back against the headrest, Max closed her eyes. Everything was spinning and she needed to get herself under control.

The singing inside her was stronger. The car seat wrapped itself around her. A hand held hers. She focused on each of these, using them as an anchor to keep her grounded. With eyes still closed, she again said, “What happened?”

“You…started screaming and thrashing! I had to pull over before we had an accident. Nothing I did helped. You kept saying ‘Come home. Come home.’ Then you blacked out. The pain I heard in your voice damn near ripped my heart apart.”

There was a silence then, with only the soft sound of the car motor and the clicking of the hazard lights disrupting it. Chloe laced her fingers through Max’s hair, trying to impart some comfort through her contact. “What does that mean,” Chloe finally asked, “come home?”

Taking a deep breath, Max held it for a time. She let the urge to exhale, to breathe, build in her. When her chest wanted to take control, she let the air out slowly. She did this a few more times, establishing her own sense of control.

Speaking softly, Max said, “It’s like what happened in our old apartment in Medford. Something needed to come out. It insisted on coming out! It hurt so much…like I was being ripped apart from the inside, like…exploding.

“Those words…that request. It’s the storm…calling to me.”

“What do you mean it’s calling to you?”

“I’m not exactly sure. It wants me to come to it, but I don’t know what it means by come home. Where is home?”

Chloe stroked the back of Max’s hand with her thumb, drawing small circles with it. She leaned over the console to touch her head to Max’s. “The only home I want you in, is mine,” she whispered.

Max looked up and gave her a weak smile. “Me too.”

“How are you feeling now?”

“Everything hurts, like I’m burning inside.”

Into the silence that arose after her reply, Chloe said, “Do you want me to take you to one of those 24-hour clinics?”

Max looked around. The car was on the shoulder of I-5. A nearby mileage sign indicated they were a few minutes south of Eugene. From the distant north something pulled her, like a powerful magnet.

“No,” she said. “We need to get home, before…before it gets worse.”

Chloe hesitated and Max used the moment to squeeze her hand. Looking at her, Max said, “Saving Steph, Rachel, and thousands of others is more important right now. They are our priority.”

After more hesitation, Chloe nodded. Dropping Max’s hand, she returned to driving. The car was soon speeding north. Max kept her hands in her lap where they rubbed and picked at each other. The glow had faded to thin lines of faint light.

Looking worriedly at Max, Chloe said, “isn’t the coming of this storm different from how you described it? I mean you said there would be strange animal behavior and natural phenomena, but neither of those have happened.”

Sighing, Max said, “like everything else in this timeline. Nothing’s predictable any more.” Her words came out bitter and harsh, causing her to wince. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice more calm and welcoming. “I didn’t mean to imply anything bad about you and I, or anyone else by saying that.”

Reaching over, Chloe took up one of Max’s hands again and caressed it. “I didn’t take it that way,” she said softly. “You’re frustrated. I can’t even imagine what’s going through your head right now.” Max squirmed, but didn’t respond to that prompt.

When they were a little more than an hour outside of Portland, Max pulled out her phone. Unlocking it, she composed and sent a few messages.

“Who are you texting,” Chloe asked.

“Steph and Rachel. I’m telling them they need to meet us.”

“Fuck! We should have told them before we left Medford.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Max said as she put her phone away. She placed one hand on Chloe’s arm. “I’m telling them now. They’ll be ok.” She leaned across the center console to lay her head against Chloe’s shoulder. It was awkward, and the console dug into her side. The touch and closeness was worth it.

Closing her eyes, Max tried to focus her thoughts on Chloe. She wanted to capture these moments forever. What she needed to do, had to do, she wanted to delay as long as possible.

The miles sped by and their exit drew close. “No, not here,” Max said as Chloe activated the blinker. She gave Chloe new directions.

The signs of the storm were already evident. Trees swayed in a strong wind. Checking her weather app, Max saw local news was reporting severe rain and hail on the north side of town. She put her phone away as they pulled into the park Max had sent them to.

“Why a park? And why is Kate here also,” Chloe asked as she turned off the car.

Rather then answering, Max stepped from the car. Other doors opened and voices were raised in greetings and questions. Ignoring all that, Max walked onto the field. The places her feet touched cycled through mud, snow, grass.

Well away from the cars and people, Max closed her eyes. The song was so powerful here. Her body thrummed like a tuning fork as it resonated a matching song.

A hand touched her arm, then yanked away from the vibrating. “We’re here,” Kate said, “what do you need?”

Giving Kate a weak smile, Max pointed to a dark shape massed on the northwestern horizon. “That storm will wipe out Portland and more unless I stop it.”

“How will you do that,” Chloe asked as she stepped to Max’s side.

Her words caused Max to look down. She knew what she needed to do. Knowing and wanting can be separated by a vast gulf though. That gulf was widening by the moment, separating her from what she really wanted.

The tremor came on her suddenly as her thoughts turned to what she had to do. If not for an arm quickly thrown around her, she would have collapsed to the ground.

“I’m here for you,” Chloe whispered. “Just tell me what we need to do so we can end this.”

“It’s…not that easy,” Max said as she hung onto Chloe. She didn’t ever want to let her go, but she knew she had to. “I was wrong…about so many things.”

Max pushed away from Chloe to look at the advancing storm. The wind was growing in strength. Thunder echoed across the sky, low and deep. “I thought…I thought it was after you, or maybe both of us. After all, the storm only shows up when we’re together.”

She turned back, looking at each of her friends. “I was wrong though. The storm, the disaster…isn’t here for innocents, or you, Chloe.” Her head hung then, her voice dying as the wind whipped things around them.

Chloe stepped up to her, hands grabbing Max’s arms lightly. “Who or what is it here for?”

Max remained silent, her head still tilted down. Right now she wished her Captain was here. She always gave her the strength she needed.

“Max! I’m here for you. Tell me what I need to do to help bring this to an end!”

Chloe’s words made Max look up. And she realized what she was failing to do. Again. She didn’t need the past; she needed the present. “I’m doing this wrong again! I keep…I keep thinking I need my wife, my Captain for strength. I’m so sorry, Chloe. I keep hurting you,” she said, her voice barely heard above the wind. “Without even knowing it. I was so caught up in the past, that I failed to see you in front of me. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Max. Losing someone you love, you don’t get over that easily. Not even for a time lord.”

“But I should have given you more…been more of what you needed! Instead I held back, afraid of being hurt again. Afraid of being happy.”

“Max…you’ve given me more love in the past few months than I ever expected. You have shown me nothing but respect and kindness and care, more than I’ve shown you. You have nothing to be ashamed of or sorry for. You need to stop tearing yourself down over that.”

“Everything I’ve done is because I love you, Chloe. No matter…no matter what it cost me, I couldn’t stand to see you hurt or in pain. I wanted you to have the perfect life.”

She reached up to touch Chloe’s cheek, her hair, the line of her jaw. “And you have it. Good friends. Parents who love you.” The lines on her flared bright, lighting the area.

“I’m the one who fucked up,” she whispered.

“What are you saying, Max?”

“I’m saying I love you, silly.” Reaching up, she pulled Chloe’s head closer to kiss her. Everything she had, every hope, every dream, every moment of happiness, she poured into that kiss, that touch. The blue lines burned brighter.

Breaking apart, Max fumbled with her left hand. Taking Chloe’s she placed something in it and closed her fingers around it. “What,” Chloe protested, “why are you giving me this?”

Looking at the other girls, Max said, “take care of her, please?”

“What’s going on?”

“What are you doing?”

“What are you talking about?”

Those questions and more came fast, the girls all talking at once. The wind rushed around them, battering the trees and threatening to knock them over.

“What are you doing,” Chloe demanded again. “Why are you giving me your ring? Why are you saying goodbye?”

Tears of anger and frustration trickled down Chloe’s face as she talked. Her hands gestured wildly, emphasizing her distress.

“I’m ending this,” Max said with finality.

“Why? Let’s talk about this! Get in the car, we can get away from the storm and talk about this!

“Why won’t you tell me what you’re going to do?” Chloe’s voice kept getting louder and louder as her tears flowed more and more.

“Because…I’m afraid,” Max said, her voice barely audible above the sound of the wind. “I’m afraid you’ll talk me out of it. What I’m going to do…it’s the only way to bring an end…to this nightmare of endless cycles.”

Max looked down. It tore at her heart to not be fully honest with Chloe. Tears blurred her own eyes as she remembered a distant hilltop long, long ago. Chloe had not feared being honest. She offered herself willingly and left the choice up to her.

“Why can’t you just reset and make this better?”

Looking up, Max reached out and placed her hand over Chloe’s heart. The tears in her eyes were flowing down her face now. “I can’t go through that again. Not again! Just like I can’t bury you again.

“If I bury you again…” Max looked away, her face twisted with bitter memories. “If I bury you again, I’ll be burying myself. This way…” she looked back at Chloe, hand still on her heart. “This way, you’ll be safe. You’ll have a chance at the happiness you deserve.”

“And what about you? What about your happiness?”

Her fingers trailed downward as Max let her hand fall. Happiness. Something she hadn’t truly felt in a long time. “Knowing you’re safe? Knowing you’ll have a full life? That will bring me happiness.”

“How can my life be full without you? How!”

Ignoring the questions that twisted her heart, Max turned to look at the other girls. “Please take care of her,” she pled, “help her have the happiness she deserves.”

“I still don’t understand what you’re doing, and why you think you need to do it,” Kate said as she stepped nearer.

“It’s the only way…the only way for River…Emma to grow up to be like the amazing woman her mom is. The only way…for all of you to be safe…from me.”

Turning from Kate before her friend could process the answer, she looked again at Chloe. “You were right, you know,” she said. “When you said I sacrificed everything about my life to bring you happiness.” She raised her hand and touched Chloe’s cheek. She wanted to remember everything about her, especially the way she felt.

“But what I’ve sacrificed was never enough. It never was. What I was doing was selfish…reshaping your life over and over until it was ‘perfect.’ That’s not sacrifice, that’s-”

“Don’t do this, Max! Whatever it is…don’t do it! I’d rather you reset…or…or let me die instead of whatever you’re planning.”

Smiling sadly at Chloe, she let her hand drop. “Never again. You’ll never have to worry about the storm again.”

“Why not?”

“It took me way too long to realize the truth…”

“What truth is that,” Chloe demanded when it was clear Max wouldn’t complete her thought. “That…what, the world is better off without you? That I’m better off without you? Because that’s just fucking wrong! You make my life complete. You make this world a better place, a place I want to live in!”

Chloe dropped her gaze then, shuddering a little at the tension filling the air. “I’m sorry, Max,” she said softly, “for sounding so…harsh there. I just…don’t understand why you have to say goodbye.”

She looked up at Max, tears starting to trickle down her face. “I don’t want you to go. Please…just help me understand why…why you have to go?”

A sad smile appeared on Max’s face. “You’re right. You are honest, and strong, and brave. Things I lack. Things I get from you. The choice I made so long ago, the one you said was the most baller thing ever? That choice…it’s not complete.

“Either I reset and screw up all your lives again, or I let countless innocent people suffer with the tiny chance you’ll make it through alive, or…I carry through my choice.

“But I learned something else these past few days and weeks. Something I used to know and buried deep. I buried it so deep that it took reliving a trauma to uncover the memory.”

The sad smile on Max’s face deepened. “I am the storm.” With those simple words, Max reached up and touched Chloe’s cheek. The lines and whorls on her body widened, turning into pulsing cracks. “I love you Chloe Elizabeth Price.”

“No!”

From her feet upward, the light fragmented into glowing blue butterflies, flittering into a swirling mass. “I have to finish what I started.”

“No!”

Chloe stepped forward in disbelief, her eyes streaming tears as the girl she loved was consumed by the transformation. As it swept up her body, Max looked at her one more time. “I want you to live!”

With those words her transformation was complete. The mass of glowing butterflies swirled together for a moment, then rose into the sky. The wind abated as they rose, dropping from a pounding force into a gentle breeze.

High in the sky, the mass broke apart, each butterfly going its own way. The distant storm, raging and powerful, fell apart, its strength spent and dispersed.

A great cry rose in its place as Chloe fell to her knees. Her hands clung to the pile of clothes Max left behind. She flung her head back and wailed into the sky.

“Max!”


	25. Chapter 25

“Price! Get your ass out of bed and open this door!”

Chloe blew out a stream of smoke as she listened to Rachel yell at her. More knocks pounded on the door. Her eyes strayed to the mural on the far wall. Once a beautiful work she was proud of, it was now marred by black marks scratched across its surface.

“Go away,” she growled as she placed the joint in her ashtray. “This ass ain’t going no where!”

In answer, Rachel’s head appeared in the open window to the side of the door. She scowled at Chloe as she began to haul herself through the window.

“Damn this place stinks,” Rachel said as she struggled to enter through the small opening.

Chloe threw her head back and laughed at Rachel hanging half-in the small window. With a final, mighty shove, she was through and tumbled to the floor. How she managed to not break anything, or hurt herself was a mystery.

Rachel stood and glared at her. “If you are going to toke, at least get the good stuff, and burn some incense.” She stepped to the door and opened it while she spoke. “You’re sticking up the whole place with that cheap crap. What is it, Kat Piss?”

“Ugh,” Steph agreed as she stepped in. “Open all the windows and air this place out!” Chloe laughed at the expressions on their faces, which were twisted in disgust.

“Want a drag,” she said, holding out her cigarette.

“Not of that stuff,” Rachel said. She slowly looked around the room, then walked into the kitchen. “This place is disgusting. What would Max think?”

“Don’t you fucking talk about Max! She abandoned me…us,” Chloe yelled. The noises of pots and dishes going into the sink were her only response.

Steph began kicking the clothes on the floor into a small pile. “When was the last time you did laundry,” she asked.

“Last week…or month,” Chloe mumbled around the cigarette. “I do my underwear every week…I think.” She placed the half-used cigarette on the ashtray balanced on her stomach. “What do you two want?”

“Well,” Steph said as she slid open the curtain to the nook, “seeing as we’re your friends, and that we haven’t see you since…when did we last see Chloe?” She turned in the nook, looking at Rachel.

“Ooof! Disgusting,” Rachel exclaimed when she opened the fridge. “What in the world do you eat?”

“Mostly ramen…I think.”

Rachel dragged the trash bin to the fridge. “What did you ask me, Steph?”

“When did we last see Chloe?”

“More than a month ago, almost two months ago.” She began dropping rotten food from the fridge into the trash.

“Almost two months. That is way too long. I remember how you were when Bongo died, and this is definitely worse than that.” Steph turned her attention to the nook. Bending, she gathered some more clothes and stood.

“Don’t you dare touch those,” Chloe shouted when she saw what Steph held. She leaped from the futon to grab the clothes. Well, that’s what her mind pictured her doing. Instead she leaped, tripped on the table, and fell to the floor with a painful grunt. The ashtray and cigarette flew from her, strewing ash across the floor.

Rolling onto her back with a groan, Chloe looked up. Steph stood over her, wadded clothes in her hand. Kneeling beside her, Steph put a hand on her shoulder. “Girl, you need to pull yourself together.” She bundled the clothes under her arm and helped Chloe get up.

Taking her to the futon, Steph sat next to her. She placed the bundle of clothes on Chloe’s lap.

“It was the last outfit she wore, wasn’t it,” she whispered.

Chloe could only nod. She touched the clothes and felt nothing. That’s how everything was, a whole lot of fucking nothing. She had cried that night. Once reality set it, once she woke up the next day, alone, she felt no more, only numbness.

“It’s ok if you need to cry,” Steph said, voice still a whisper.

Shaking her head, Chloe clenched the clothes tight. “Just…just don’t wash them, please? I want them to smell like her as long as possible.”

Rubbing her shoulder warmly, Steph said, “I won’t.” She rose and went back to cleaning. Chloe stared blankly at the clothes on her lap. The last clothes Max wore. The last clothes Max would ever wear.

It fucking sucked.

Sometime later, she roused herself. The slight buzz from the weed was gone and she was feeling quite hungry. Blinking as she looked around, she saw Rachel and Steph sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hey, uh, what are you two doing here?”

Shooting a glance at Rachel, Steph said, “we’ve been here all morning. Don’t you remember?”

Running a hand through her hair, Chloe stood up. And quickly placed a hand on the back of the futon as everything swayed a bit. “Yeah, uh, I just thought you’d be gone by now.” Good save! Maybe. Yeah, she’d actually forgotten they were there.

Her eyes scanned the now clean apartment. The black marks still marred her painting, making her wince. There was no way they’d be able to fix that. Nor the hole she’d punched in the wall. Nor the… she shifted her eyes back to her friends.

“So…why are you here?”

Both girls stood. “We’re here to help you,” Steph said. She walked toward Chloe.

“Help you get out of this spiral you’re in,” Rachel said as she to approached her.

“Spiral?” Chloe began backing away as they approached. The apartment was too tiny for that though.

“We get that it’s hard,” Steph said as she laid a hand on Chloe’s shoulder.

“And we aren’t going to say it will be easy,” Rachel said, placing a hand on her other shoulder.

“But we can no longer stand by and watch you destroy yourself.”

“So, starting today, we’re placing you under our care.”

Chloe backed away again, or tried to. Their hands tightened on her shoulders, keeping her in place. “You are going to eat, get dressed, and come with us,” Steph said, looking her square in the eyes.

Swallowing hard at the look in Steph’s eyes, Chloe tried again to back away. She knew that look all too well: determination. Part of her wanted to rebel, to scream and fight and shout and kick them out. Part of her though…part of her was happy they were here, happy that someone cared.

Her lips moved without making a sound. “What was that,” Steph said.

Rachel looked at her. “I think she’s failing her speech check.”

Grinning at the comment, Steph said, “Good to see I’m rubbing off on you.”

“That’s not the only rubbing you’ve been doing. Besides, those references are so useful in everyday life.”

“One of these days I’ll get you to join a session.”

“Hey, did you forget I’m here? You know? The friend you came over to save?”

“Oh, Chloe, we could never forget about you,” Steph said, though her eyes stayed on Rachel. “Why don’t you go take a shower and get dressed.”

“Um…ok.” Chloe backed away, their hands slipping from her shoulders. “If you decide to eat out while I’m in the shower, can you make it quick? I don’t want to be in there a long time.”

Steph shook her head. Peeling her eyes from Rachel, she looked at Chloe and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, that was completely inappropriate. We are worried about you, and I know this is sudden and drastic.

“I’ve tried calling you more than once and you wouldn’t answer. That’s why we came in person. We’ve been involved with a project that may help you. Go on, take a shower. We’ll wait out here for you.” 

Shaking her head, Chloe stepped into the nook. There were some clean clothes folded and resting atop the washer. he heard Rachel and Steph sit on the futon, chatting about the day. Closing the door behind her, she set the clothes on the toilet lid and turned on the shower.

The girl that looked back at her in the shattered mirror was not the same one that drew the picture on it so many months ago. Her eyes were sunk, looking out from dark pits. She had lost weight and looked even paler than usual. Her clothes, already baggy before, now looked gargantuan.

Around her neck was the necklace Max had given her. The necklace her wife had given her. She touched the blue butterfly hanging from it. Next to it was the ring Max had slipped into her hand before leaving. Max.

Her eyes lingered on the remains of Max’s face for a moment. A flash of something, anger maybe, shot through her and her mouth hardened into a line. Knowing dark thoughts would come soon, she forced herself away and stripped.

She stepped into the scalding shower, not caring that it burned. If she wasn’t good enough for Max…no! Not those thoughts again, not now! Her hand was pumping at the body wash and it took several moments to realize the soap had filled her cupped hand and overflowed into the tub.

Smearing the goo all over her body, she focused on cleaning herself. Ever since that night, she had given up on a lot things about herself. Everything seemed so pointless without her Max around.

Slapping her face to shock her out of that line of thinking, she filled her hand with shampoo and attacked her hair. Steph and Rachel cared about her. They cared enough to come over and help her. She was worth something…to them at least.

She stayed in the shower until the water turned cold, then turned it off. Drying herself with the towel, she next busied herself putting the clothes on.

Opening the door, she stepped from the nook. Rachel and Steph were still on the couch, looking a little flushed.Rising from the futon, Steph came over to Chloe. “There’s food on the counter for you. Put your boots on and bring it with us.”

“You’ll see,” Rachel said as she rose. She picked up Chloe’s backpack and beckoned. “Come on, we’re already late.”

The girls ushered her out of her apartment, locking it tightly behind them, and down the stairs. It was a dreadfully cheerful Saturday morning. Chloe hated it. Birds were singing. She hated them. The sun was shining, souring her mood. Not a cloud was in the sky, she shoved her beanie further down on her still damp hair until it almost covered her eyes.

They walked to the street, where Rachel’s car was, and got in. Rachel pulled away from the curb and Chloe began attacking the sandwich. Steph turned on loud music, which took Chloe away to another time, another place.

Forcing her thoughts on the here-and-now, Chloe destroyed the sandwich. Afterward she tilted her head back and stared at the ceiling. “Where are we going,” she asked several minutes later.

“Someplace to help you, and others,” Steph answered.

Closing her eyes, Chloe focused on the thrum of the car, and the explosive music blaring through the speakers.

Blue eyes looked at her, laughing at her lame jokes. Driving to a park, to enjoy one of Max’s quiet places. Going shopping, with playful banter about their food items.

Blinking rapidly, Chloe’s head snapped up. Looking out the window, she realized where they were. Her heart almost stopped when she saw the ruined buildings, roofs covered in blue tarps, rows of trailers, and more that marked the destruction zone.

The car slowly drove through the streets choked with debris, people, and equipment. “What are we doing here,” she asked hoarsely.

“Helping you to heal,” Steph said as she turned down the music.

Screwing her eyes shut at the words, Chloe tried to push down the memories Steph’s words caused. She didn’t know. She couldn’t know, just what those words meant.

“How…will you do that?”

“By getting you busy helping people, instead of hurting yourself.”

The car pulled behind a trailer and stopped. Rachel and Steph got out of the car. Chloe stayed in a few minutes, looking around. Being here…among ground zero…

Driving those thoughts from her head, Chloe got out of the car. All around were the sounds of demolition and construction. Shouting, heavy equipment, crashes, pounding of hammers, and more filled the air. With thumbs in her pockets, she sauntered after Steph and Rachel. They walked up to a short guy holding a clip board.

“Sorry we’re late, Mingo,” Steph said as he turned at their approach. “It took us a little longer than we thought to get ready.”

He eyed the three of them. “Ok,” he said finally, “Larry’s got a short crew on the blue house over there.” He gestured down the street with the clipboard. There was only one house with any blue on it, and it only had part of one wall remaining.

“Join them for the cleanup. You need any gear?”

“Rachel and I have gloves, but nothing else. You know it’s our first time on a crew. And Chloe here will need some gear.”

He waved them to follow and lead them to a well worn panel truck. Opening the back, he reached in and pulled out some items. Hard hats, safety glasses, and a pair of gloves for Chloe. Handing them out, he said, “Larry will tell you what to do.”

“What are we doing here,” Chloe asked again as they walked toward the house. She adjusted the band on the hard hat and put it on. The others did the same.

“Helping the people whose lives were upended by the storm,” Rachel said as she adjusted the glasses.

Chloe looked at the devastation around her and shuddered. It could have been worse, so much worse. Several hundred people had lost their lives, and many more displaced by the destruction. Two months later and cleanup was still happening.

Seeing the destruction first hand made her heart sink. She knew this was just a taste, just a hint of destruction Max had lived through. Being here was wrenching her insides in all sorts of unexpected directions. Her sight blurred as she thought, not for the last time, about how much emotional pain Max had carried, knowing she was the cause of such things.

Larry was a big guy, with an intimidating appearance, a thin goatee shot with grey, and a warm, friendly voice. He was happy to have the three of them on his crew and immediately set them to work. Being unskilled workers, their job consisted of hauling debris from the site to the large dumpster parked on the street.

It was hard, hot work, and Chloe found herself really getting into it. There was a calming aspect to this straightforward work. Walk to the house, grab a piece of destroyed house, take it to the street and toss it into the dumpster. Repeat.

Over and over she did that, clearing out one room, then moving to the next. Other workers, with tools and skills, were disassembling the destroyed frame, or cutting it into pieces small enough to carry.

The repetitive work drove all her destructive, self-focused thoughts away from her. The routine gave her a rhythm that she could focus on.

A hand on her arm stopped her. “Break time,” Rachel said.

Her mind cleared, bringing her back to reality. About one third of the house was now cleared. The sun was beating down on this uncharacteristically warm spring day. Doffing her helmet, she wiped the sweat from her brow.

Rachel handed her a water bottle. Cracking the lid, Chloe took a long swallow. Joining the rest of the crew sitting on the curb, Chloe stretched her legs out before her. Leaning back on her elbows, she stared up at the sky.

The sky was a deep blue and there were no clouds directly overhead. An erratic movement among the blue caught her eye. Shading her eyes with one hand, she squinted and tried to find it. Blue on blue, it was difficult to see. Down and around it went in haphazard fashion, to land on a chunk of wall that had missed the dumpster.

Dark thoughts clouded Chloe’s mind as she saw the butterfly resting on the debris. Its wings opened and closed slowly. Before she realized it, she threw her water bottle at the butterfly! It smashed into the debris below it. The insect took off, disappearing behind the dumpster.

“What was that about,” Steph asked.

“Nothing,” Chloe muttered. Getting up, she retrieved her water bottle then stomped back to the house. Putting her gloves back on, she started hauling debris again.

Trip after trip she made, hauling all the loose debris she could find. When she ran out of loose pieces, she found a hammer someone had set down and began whacking drywall and siding. Dust and chips flew around her as she whacked and whacked and whacked. All the frustration and pain and anger and sadness she’d been avoiding for weeks came flooding out of her.

A hand grabbed her wrist, holding it firm. Turning in anger she looked up at Larry. “Lunch is here,” he said, “Mamá Gabriela brought it for us.”

Breathing heavily, Chloe glared at him. He gave her a faint smile, then let go of her hand. “Keep this up, güera, and you’ll hurt yourself.” He turned and limped back to the street. Her eyes stayed fixed on him until he disappeared.

Slowly lowering her arm, she looked around her. Bits of drywall and broken studs lay around her. The thoughts swirling in her head fell apart and she dropped the hammer. She followed, collapsing to the ground, dusty, sweaty, tired, and gross. Beating these things wouldn’t bring her back.

Footsteps stopped near her, and a shadow blocked the blazing sun. Steph knelt by her, a bowl of something steaming in her hands. “Hey, girl,” she said warmly, “I thought you might need this after all that work you did.”

Steph held out the bowl, a spoon handle sticking from it. Accepting it, Chloe stared down at the reddish contents. “What is it,” she asked.

“Larry called it pozole. It’s a stew.” Steph held out a bottle of soda as well.

Setting the soda next to her, Chloe grabbed the spoon and began stirring the stew. Moments later Rachel and Steph joined her, each with their own bowls. Blowing softly on a spoonful, she stuck it in her mouth.

Damn it was hot, and spicy! She decided she liked it, because if nothing else it made her feel alive from the skin damage it was causing. She dug into the stew, swallowing bite after bite while her friends took their time. Shortly, her bowl was empty and she was scraping the last bit into her mouth.

Taking a drink of soda after that, Chloe let out a long belch and leaned back. Setting the hard hat on the ground, she rested her head on it, staring at the sky.

“What are we doing here,” she asked after some time.

“Helping to clean up,” Steph said.

“No…I mean…why?”

Setting her now empty bowl aside, Steph said, “Some of the people hit by the storm didn’t have insurance and don’t have the money to rebuild. While they’ll likely get some money from FEMA to fix their homes, that will take time, and many of them have difficulty filling out the forms.

“For the last couple of weeks Rachel and I have volunteered with an organization that helps people like Mamá Gabriela. People that are marginalized and will have difficulty getting the attention and help they need.”

Chloe nodded at the answer. It made sense. Steph loved helping people.

“When we started working here,” Rachel said softly, “we thought it might help you. Get you out of your routine. And…to see…” Her voice trailed into silence and she showed no sign of continuing.

Shifting in her cross-legged position, Steph glanced at Chloe. “See what Max stopped.”

Chloe sat up and slipped into a cross-legged position as well. She fiddled with her gloves, putting them on and taking them off. Finally, she rose, grabbed her trash, and wandered to the street. Tossing it into the dumpster, she looked around.

A rusty pickup was parked nearby. On its tailgate was a large pot, with bowls, spoons, napkins and other things piled next to it. A short lady with black hair streaked with grey stirred the pots contents. Larry stood near her, chatting softly.

Nearby, the rest of their crew was finishing their meal. She saw other crews at nearby houses, hanging around, eating and chatting. Deciding she’d had enough of this for a while, she donned her hard hat and started wandering through the neighborhood.

There was everything from volunteer crews like Larry’s, to professional construction crews, to people with shiny new equipment. She didn’t know which group they belonged to. People waved as she passed, and she found herself raising a hand in return.

There was no destination she had in mind, at least not in conscious thought. Go where ever her feet would take her. About an hour later, she found where they wanted to take her. The path of destruction abruptly ended.

Houses, trees, signs, even the road was destroyed. Then, a normal neighborhood stretched before her. There was evidence some debris had hit houses and lawns, but there was no significant damage. Where she stood was where the storm stopped when Max…she couldn’t complete that thought.

Turning slowly in a circle, Chloe compared the wasteland of the storm to the tranquility of the untouched area. Something flitted in the corner of her vision. Turning back to it, she saw a couple of blue butterflies flying lazily in her direction.

Pursing her lips, she watched them get closer. She saw again Max dissolving into a mass of glowing blue butterflies. Her hands clenched tightly. Walking toward them, she swung her arms at them. They easily dodged her large clumsy limbs. Shouting at them, she waved frantically, trying to hit them.

Her flailing limbs did nothing to distract them. The butterflies flew past her, on into the neighborhood beyond. She glared at them, then turned on her heel and stalked back the way she came.

It was hard to see, what with that damn rain in her eyes. Or maybe it was the dust. Yes, it was the dust. She wasn’t wearing her protective glasses and surely some dust got into her eyes.

Drawing the back of her hand across her eyes, she wiped the moisture from them. Why did Max have to go? Why couldn’t she stay? Why couldn’t she redo Chloe’s life again? Damn it! She’d give anything right now, her life even, to have Max here for just five minutes!

But Max wasn’t showing up. She would never show up again. Why was she even out here helping people? Why was she doing any of this? It was all so…pointless!

“Chloe?”

She stopped at the sound of her voice. Max? A hand touched her shoulder and she spun about. Steph looked at her, brows raised and mouth creased. Chloe’s shoulders fell on seeing her friend.

“What are you doing out here?”

What was she doing out here? Walking around angry, feeling sorry for herself. Shoulders slumped, she said, “trying to…walk off a mood, but it’s sticking around.”

“Do you want to talk?”

Looking around the area, with its crews and destruction, she said, “No, not here anyway. Thanks for offering. Maybe…maybe another time.”

Touching her arm, Steph said, “maybe tonight. You’re coming to our apartment, b t dubs. We can talk there, if you want.” Raising her hand, she waved her on. “For now, come back with me so we can finish today’s project.”

Nodding, Chloe fell into step with Steph. They walked a few moments in silence before Chloe broke it. “Who’s this Mamá Gabriela people keep mentioning?”

“Did you see the little old lady stirring the pot of pozole?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s Mamá Gabriela. She owns the house we are working on. Thankfully no one was home during the storm. She, her son and grandkids were out helping another family when the storm came. They returned to find their house wrecked. She’s also Larry’s grandmother.”

Chloe thought about that while they walked, but she couldn’t draw anything from it. It was simply information. She did appreciate though that Steph found a project she believed in. If Steph believed in it, she could believe in it.

Minutes later, they were back at the job site. No one looked at her, or asked where she’d disappeared to. Larry pointed to a pile of debris needing hauled and she slipped back into the work.

The rest of the day passed rapidly under the routine the work encouraged. A couple of short breaks in the afternoon brought some refreshment, with drinks and opportunity to stretch and lie down. As evening drew near, and a cool breeze sprung up, the site was nearly cleared. The foundation was still sound, providing the basis for a new house, if money could be found.

Returning the equipment, the three girls went back to Rachel’s car and fell into it.

“Ugh,” Chloe groaned. “Why did I let you talk me into this?”

In the front seat, Steph laughed. “You need to get out more, get away from that desk!”

Clicking her seat belt into place, Chloe threw her head back. The back seat didn’t offer much room for relaxing, but she made the most of it. Rachel made some comment to Steph she didn’t catch, then the car began moving.

She kept her head back, eyes closed and just listened to the car sounds. A hot shower, a good meal, maybe a drink were things she wanted now. The movement of the car lulled her into a soft doze. Before she knew it, the sound of a closing door startled her to wakefulness.

Blinking, she looked around to see they were at the apartment. Climbing out, a little stiff, sore, and tired, she grabbed her bag and followed the others into her old apartment.

Once inside, she trudged back to her old room where she paused at the entrance. In front of her was her bed. What she saw, though, was a tent and stars and a campfire on an iPad. Her hands tightened as her mind painted the picture for her.

Could she stay here? Could she sleep in this bed, the first bed they shared together?

Going into the room, she closed the door and set her bag down. The sound of laughter and murmuring voices drifted around the room. The crackle of a fire.

Shaking her head, she dug some clothes out of the bag and went into the restroom. Turning on the shower, she avoided the mirror, stripped, and jumped into the cleansing water.

Afterward, warm, clean, and feeling better, she wandered from the bedroom. Maybe she should sleep in the living room.

Steph and Rachel were on one of the futons cuddling. When they saw her, they immediately stopped and separated themselves. “Sorry,” Steph said.

“Why? Don’t apologize to me for loving each other!” Chloe’s words came out rather harsh, and she winced. “Sorry,” she said as she fell onto the other futon.

Moving to her futon, Steph touched Chloe’s arm briefly. “Hey, we’ll get through this.”

Chloe snorted. “Will you stop already! You two love each other. Don’t change who you are just because I’m around.”

Steph looked at Rachel, then back at Chloe. “What do you want for dinner?”

“I’m thinking a good pepperoni pizza and a beer.”

Nodding, Steph took out her phone and ordered pizzas. Meanwhile, Rachel went into the kitchen and returned with a beer for each of them. Popping the cap off hers, Chloe threw her head back and downed it in one swallow. Dropping the empty bottle on the ground, she smacked her lips. “That’s a good start!”

The other two girls threw glances at each other than Chloe immediately noticed. “What,” she demanded.

“Nothing,” Rachel protested.

“Nothing, hell. What are you two thinking?”

Setting her still full beer on the floor, Steph looked at her hands for a time.Raising her eyes to Chloe’s, she said, “can we talk now, just you and I?”

Shooting looks at both of her friends, Chloe considered the request. She knew what the talk would be about. Steph knew her well enough that a private chat would be a lot better for her. Shoulders finally slumping, she said, “yes, might as well get this over with mom.”

Steph winced at that and Chloe immediately apologized. They stood up and Steph led them back to Chloe’s room. Closing the door behind them, Steph stood facing it a while. Chloe went and plopped herself on the bed, trying not to be distracted by memories.

“Listen Chloe,” Steph slowly said as she turned around. “The last couple of months I…we’ve missed our friend-”

“And you think I haven’t missed her either,” Chloe butted in.

Sitting on the bed, Steph continued, “not Max…you. Do you remember what she told Kate, Rachel and I before she left?”

Chloe turned her head aside, not wanting to look at her friend right now.

“She told us to take care of you, to help you have the happiness you deserve. For the last couple of months Rachel and I have let you have your space. You needed time to grieve to…I don’t know, heal maybe.

“But it’s very clear you aren’t healing. You don’t return our calls. We haven’t worked on the game in months. You even ignore your parents. After talking it over for a long time, Rachel and I decided that leaving you alone was a mistake.

“We can’t make you do anything, Chloe. You’re a big girl, capable of making your own decisions. At the same time you’re our friend and watching you destroy yourself is not something we can ignore. You need help and we want to give it to you. We want you to move in with us.”

Through the speech, Chloe’s jaw tensed and relaxed, tensed and relaxed. She knew Steph and Rachel cared about her. Part of her was glad to hear those words, that request. At the same time, part of her was angry, so angry! And she didn’t understand why.

The anger seethed in her, distracting her thoughts. It took her a while to realize the numbness she’d felt, that unfeeling she’d had for weeks, was gone. “I’ll…think about it,” she managed to say.

“That’s really all we can ask,” Steph said. She leaned over and placed a hand on Chloe’s shoulder. “Is this ok?”

After a moment, Chloe nodded. “I…I want my friend back, Chloe. I miss you. I miss the girl I was going to change the world with. It sucks not having you in my life anymore.”

“Fuck that! You’ve got Rachel,” Chloe spat, trying to hide the tears trickling from her eyes.

Ignoring the heated words, Steph leaned over to look at her. “You know that’s not true. For the four years she and I were together before, you were in our life like no one else. You’re a part of us.” She went silent a while, her hand rubbing Chloe’s shoulder.

Chloe kept her head turned, facing the wall. Steph had seen her cry before, but still it was something private. “You know what hurts more?” Steph’s quiet words brought Chloe’s blurry gaze back to her friend.

“What?”

“To see you hurting and fighting it.” Chloe’s head dropped to her hands. “It’s ok to feel hurt, Chloe. She was an amazing girl who brought you to life in a way I’d never seen before. It’s ok to talk about it, to have those feelings.”

“But it fucking hurts so much,” Chloe’s words were raspy, barely stirring the air.

“Yeah, it does. Tell me about that hurt.”

Lifting her head, Chloe stared at the wall, not seeing it. “It hurt that she didn’t trust me enough to tell me what she was doing! It hurts that I’ll never see her again, that I’ll never hear her laugh at one of my lame jokes. That for a few months I felt…complete…and now? Now I’m not.

“Everywhere I go…there are memories we made and now she’s no longer there. I’ve actually been excited to get home to tell her about something funny or good that happened at work. Then I get home all excited and when that silence hits me…it’s like it happened all over again. I see her turn into that…into that ‘thing’ and disappear.”

Steph turned on the bed to be beside her friend. Her arm went around Chloe’s shoulders, holding her tight. A shudder went through Chloe as Steph did that. She remembered doing the same for Max not that long ago.

“Do you…do you blame yourself for what she did?”

Wiping her eyes, Chloe studied her fingers. On some days she thought of wearing Max’s ring. It was a poor fit, she’d need it resized for that to work. And she didn’t want to resize it. That meant she’d given up hope.

Bringing herself back to Steph’s question, Chloe nodded. “Not for what she did…I do believe she thought that the only way to stop things. But I do blame myself for…breaking her!”

“Tell me about that,” Steph prompted softly when Chloe went silent.

“Everything started when I asked her to come to Arcadia Bay with us. I should have known! I should have known when she freaked out when I asked her!” Chloe hands balled into fists and she leaned over pressing her forehead against them.

“She wanted to come though, didn’t she?” Steph kept her hand on Chloe’s should while they spoke. That simple contact she knew was a way of anchoring her friend.

“Yes.” Again a throaty whisper. “She told me more than once it would be worse if she stayed here alone. How could it be worse than what happened to her there? And the days after…”

Chloe sat up, turning to sit cross-legged and faced her friend, letting her see the tears. She took Steph’s hand into her own. She also knew the value of keeping that contact during these talks. “I know I didn’t break her. But I wish…I wish there was something I could do to help her heal! Everything I did after that trip was to help her heal. And everything made it worse.”

“That’s not true,” Steph said softly. “She loved you a great deal, despite whatever pain she experienced. She was happier with you. You helped her reconnect with her parents. Although I only saw her a few times before you met, I saw a big difference in her. You made her complete, as much as she made you complete.”

A faint smile crossed Chloe’s face at those words. They continued talking for a while, Chloe’s tears gradually drying. The doorbell ringing finally drew them back into the main part of the apartment.

Chloe went into her bathroom to wash her face. She looked at herself in the mirror this time. It was way too soon to expect any kind of change in her appearance. For the moment though, she wanted to really look at herself. Her hair was a mess, with lengthy blond roots showing. She’d need to get that fixed.

Before leaving the bathroom, she paused. Her hand tightened on the doorframe. She’d already had a thought for improving herself, getting her hair done. She hadn’t had those kinds of thoughts…shaking her head before she undermined herself, she flicked off the light and left.

The pizza was good, with Chloe eating an entire medium pizza by herself. She tried not to think of how she’d been hurting herself these past few weeks. Most of all she tried not to think of Max and how the last time she’d had pizza was with Max and Steph and Rachel.

She tried not to let her tears show as she laughed at jokes told by the other two. She tried not to picture her brown haired freckle-faced friend sitting at the end of the futon, struggling to not be embarrassed by Steph’s and Rachel’s constant PDA.

Chloe thought she’d managed herself quite well, though she was sure the others knew. It was in the quick looks they gave her, the slight hesitation before a laugh. They were trying to show her a good time. To help her heal. Like she’d tried for Max.

After pizza came a movie, a low budget comedy. Guaranteed to not be within the taste of her missing hipster. Chloe sat alone, while Steph and Rachel shared the other futon. She knew they were holding back some of their affection for each other. And she loved them for it. It didn’t help the loneliness, nor the empty ache of her arms longing to cuddle someone.

The movie ended and Chloe said goodnight. It was only 9 PM but she was tired from all the days activity. Plus, she knew Steph and Rachel had held themselves back for her sake. She wanted them to have time to themselves.

Entering her bedroom, she closed the door and went to the bathroom. She used the toilet, washed her hands, brushed her teeth, washed her face, examined her hair, washed her hands again, and then realized she was just delaying something.

Flicking off the light, she left the bathroom and stood staring at her bed. Although she and Max had spent most of their time together on the futon at Max’s apartment, here is where they spent their first night together. Sleeping here without her…was like saying goodbye. And she didn’t want to say goodbye.

Something dragged at her heart as she stepped to the bed and sat on it. She could still see that look of wonder and love on Max’s face that night she walked in to find the makeshift camp. She sniffled as she lay on her side. The broken sentences falling from Max’s mouth as she tried to express her joy hammered at her heart, beating at its fractures.

There was a lump beneath the blanket, something digging into her side. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she sat up and dug underneath the blanket. A strangled cry was wrest from her as her hand came back with Max’s clothes, the ones she’d been wearing the last night they were together. With a heartbreaking wail, she buried her face in the clothes and fell over on the bed.

In the living room, Steph and Rachel interrupted their activities. From the back of the apartment came the sounds of Chloe crying. “I think she found them,” Steph said. She smiled down at Rachel. “You definitely rolled a twenty with that idea.”

Rachel looked thoughtful for a moment. “Don’t tell her it was me though,” Rachel said, “If she asks, tell her it was both of us.”

“That makes me love you more,” Steph whispered as she lowered her head and nipped at Rachel’s ear. “If it’s ok, though,” she breathed into Rachel’s ear, “I want to just lay here…together.”

Rachel turned to peer into her lovers eyes. “It’s making you think of us, isn’t it?”

“A little.”

“Well, I don’t plan on giving you up easily.”

“Good, because I’m not letting you.” Steph snuggled close to Rachel, her fingertips resting lightly on her skin. Hearing Chloe’s pain hurt her own heart. She wondered if this was how Chloe felt when she and Rachel broke up, and she had spent the next few weeks miserable.

Except for she and Rachel, there had been the possibility of being together. With Chloe and Max…she buried the thought and kissed Rachel.


	26. Chapter 26

Sunday dawned and Chloe awoke stiff and laying on something hard. A pleasing scent wafted into her nose. Max. Her eyes shot open and she sat up. She was laying on the floor of her bedroom. Alone. Her head had been laying on Max’s old clothes.

Reality settled into Chloe’s mind and she sat back against her bed. Max was gone. She was in Steph’s and Rachel’s apartment in her old bedroom. They were concerned about her, and wanted her to move in with them. Her fingers played with Max’s clothes as her thoughts came together.

Rising, Chloe set the clothes on her bed. Why was she on the floor? She distinctly recalled being on the bed, crying with Max’s clothes. Leaving that mystery behind, she went to the bathroom.

From there, she wandered into the kitchen, scratching her cloth covered rump. “Mornin,” Steph said as she poured herself a cup of coffee. “Looks like you made it in time for a fresh pot, as usual.”

“Mornin,” Chloe grumbled as she got out a mug for herself. She peered at the time on the microwave as she poured her own coffee. 7 AM. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Either one of us cooks,” Steph said as she brushed by Chloe on the way out of the kitchen. “Or we go out.”

Chloe grunted at that. “That’s almost extortion,” she said as she put the carafe back on the hot pad. “If you want me to cook, just ask, I don’t mind.” She followed Steph into the living room. Rachel was already there, her own cup of coffee in hand and snuggled under a blanket.

Steph pointedly sat on a chair alone while Chloe took the other futon. “I didn’t want to presume,” she said after her first sip. “We want you to enjoy yourself, and be given an opportunity to…decompress. Not be put to work.”

Cradling the cup in both hands between her crossed legs, Chloe said, “You know cooking isn’t work for me. It’s something I enjoy.”

“I already took care of things,” Rachel said from her blanket. Chloe looked at her in surprise. Her next thought was why she didn’t notice blankets was something Rachel and Max had in common.

Pushing that thought from her mind, Chloe said, “what do you mean?”

“What did you do,” Steph said at the same time.

“Got us brunch reservations at ’Toast & Cheddar’ at 9:30.” Rachel smoothly took a drink while her friends looked on with mouths hanging open.

“How? How did you get us reservations there? Their waiting list is months long,” Steph said, astonished. Chloe sipped more from her coffee.

“I have my ways,” Rachel said with an impish smile. Steph replied with a soft growl and almost launched herself from her chair. At the last moment, she shot a glance at Chloe, then sat back in the chair.

Sighing, Chloe looked down at her coffee. “Listen you two. I appreciate you trying to help me by restraining yourselves, but really? You’re just hurting yourselves. Max and I didn’t really have that kind of relationship.”

Though she and her Captain did. Chloe shut her eyes as that thought sailed through her mind. That…that fucking hurt!

The futon shifted as someone sat next to her. Fingers touched hers. “I’m sorry,” Steph said softly. Without opening her eyes, Chloe waved her off and stood.

“I…need a moment,” Chloe said hoarsely, and rushed from the room. All this time she thought she didn’t need that from Max! She had congratulated herself on not pushing Max, on supporting her as she tried to come to grips with her loss. And now her fucking emotions betray her!

She found herself in her bathroom, hunched over the sink and breathing rapidly. Her heart pounded and tears were threatening but she forced them to stay hidden. What a fool she had been!

No. Not a fool. She had loved Max. Max wasn’t ready to go beyond hugging and kissing. Even full on making out was beyond what she was ready for. Chloe had respected that. Love isn’t only about sex and PDA. It’s also about support and encouragement and being partners. She had done that and more for Max. And Max for her.

Her breathing calmed as she reminded herself of those things. She loved Max. Their relationship was fulfilling and exactly what they both needed. Grabbing her coffee cup, which she didn’t remember bringing with her, she took a sip. And immediately spat it out. It was cold. How long had she been in here?

A knock on her bedroom door caused her to poke her head out of the bathroom. “Yeah?”

“It’s 8:30,” came Steph’s voice, muffled, through the door. “We need to leave by 9 to get there in time.”

“Ok!”

30 minutes was easy! Dumping her coffee down the drain, she rinsed the cup and set it aside. After brushing her teeth and washing her face, she returned to the bedroom. Slipping off her pajamas, she moved around the room finding clothes she wanted to wear. Minutes later, hopping on one foot while she tried to get her boot on, she opened the door and called out, “Ready!”

Chloe finished fastening her boot, grabbed a jacket, shoved her beanie on her head, and went to the front door. Predictably, Steph was there and they were waiting on Rachel. “Come on, super model before we’re super late,” Chloe called out with a smile.

Words unfit for repeating came back from the other bedroom. Steph bumped Chloe’s shoulder lightly with a closed fist. “Good one,” she said. “We’ve become a bit too comfortable with just ourselves. Without you around, we’ve become a bit lax.”

“Is that right,” Chloe said as she pulled out her phone. She opened the app for the salon she liked to use and scheduled an appointment for later in the week. “Sounds like you need a change also.”

Steph looked at her, eyes shining and a hint of a smile. “Does that mean…you’ll accept our offer to move back in with us?”

Shaking her head as she put her phone away, Chloe said, “I haven’t really thought about it properly. On the surface it feels like I’m abandoning her, if I come back here. I promise though, I’ll give you an answer soon.”

The faint smile fled, but Steph’s voice was still warm as she said, “Ok. No pressure. You just…got me a little excited.”

Rachel joined them then, looking well put together as always. “Damn,” Steph said, “How do you make a pair of torn jeans and a t-shirt look so good?”

“It’s all in the prep,” Rachel said mysteriously. “Now, we need to go. The place is known to give up your reservation if you are even one minute late.” With those words, they all hurried out the door and into Rachel’s car.

They arrived five minutes early and got seated right away. Chloe looked around, her heart sinking a little as she realized this was just the kind of place Max would love. They even had over priced avocado toast, like she enjoyed.

Wresting her mind from that, Chloe scanned the menu until she found a meal that sounded like bacon and eggs. At least she hoped that’s what farm-to-table pan seared pork belly and deconstructed golden eggs were.

The server came and took their coffee orders, returning with three steaming mugs. Blowing on hers for a moment, Chloe asked, “what do you have planned for today?”

“Fun,” Rachel said.

Raising an eyebrow, Chloe said, “Fun?”

“Yeah,” replied Steph. “Video games, a movie at the IMAX and more video games.”

Taking a sip from her coffee, Chloe looked around while she thought about the answer. Oddly, she’d rather do something, like yesterday. Go somewhere and beat something into bits. Movement caught her eye. Turning back, she spotted something blue behind Steph.

The coffee cup froze partway to her mouth when she recognized it. A blue butterfly flitted through the air, landing on Steph’s beanie. A loud crash shutdown all the conversations in the restaurant! The sound was followed immediately by a cry of pain as Chloe leaped from her seat.

Coffee spread out on the table from the ruins of Chloe’s mug. Some of the coffee had spilled off the table onto her leg.

“Shit, Price,” Rachel said, “why’d you do that!”

Chloe ignored her as she danced around a little, swatting at her leg. Once the coffee had cooled, she stormed off to the restroom, ignoring the stares and questions.

Entering a stall, she peeled down her jeans and looked at her leg. Her skin was red from the heat, but it didn’t hurt when she touched it. Not a burn then. Grabbing toilet paper, she wiped the coffee from her leg, and, as best she could, from the inside of her pants. Pulling her jeans up, she flushed the wet tissue and exited the stall.

Steph was waiting for her outside the stall with arms crossed. “What was that about,” she asked. Her words were a little stiff, but said kindly.

Chloe opened her mouth, an acerbic retort in mind when Steph interrupted her. “We’re alone b t dubs.”

“Nothing,” Chloe muttered as she turned on the faucet.

“Nothing,” Steph echoed in disbelief. “Yesterday you threw your water bottle over ‘nothing’ and now you destroy a cup at a restaurant over the same? Dude, you are failing your speech checks because my disbelief is strong.”

Scrubbing her hands under the water, Chloe didn’t interrupt Steph’s little speech. She probably deserved worse than what her friend was giving her. “I thought I saw something,” she said softly as she soaped up again. You can never get ones hands too clean in a public restroom.

“You saw something? What? Did you see a-a-a rampaging Stirge that only your water bottle could destroy? Did-” Steph interrupted her little rampage. Her hand went to her forehead as she relaxed her tense body. “Wait…I’m sorry. I’m over reacting because I’m worried about you, Beth. What did you see?”

Shutting off the water, Chloe was glad to see the restaurant provided paper towels along with the air blowers for drying. Plucking several sheets from the dispenser, she began drying her hands. “You’re not too far off with the Stirge actually,” she said, not meeting Steph’s eyes.

Was she really going to tell her friend? Tossing the damp towels in the trash, she looked at Steph. Worry lined Steph’s face as she leaned back against the counter. “Butterflies. Blue butterflies are what I saw.”

Steph furrowed her brows, and looked away. “Blue butterflies,” she echoed, again disbelief tinged her words. It was obvious to Chloe when the realization struck. Her head whipped back to look at Chloe, her mouth hanging open and eyes huge. “You mean like…”

“Like when Max…did whatever she had to do,” Chloe finished for her. Now she couldn’t look at her friend, or the mirror, so she looked at the floor. “I’ve seen them three times since yesterday morning.”

“Have you…have you been seeing them for a while?”

“Nah. They decided to visit the same day you did.”

She heard Steph take a breath and let it out slowly. Her next words were cautious. “Tell me what you saw.”

“It wasn’t much. We were taking that first break. Laying back I see something in the sky. It comes down and lands on that piece of debris. It was a blue butterfly. Th-”

“Why did you throw your water bottle at it.”

Chloe didn’t answer. After a moment she saw Steph’s shoes enter her sphere of vision, and a hand touched her shoulder. “I’m sorry,” Steph said again. “A restaurant bathroom isn’t the place to talk about this. Let’s wait until after we eat, ok?”

Chloe nodded. She really didn’t want to talk about this, now or later. They exited the bathroom together and returned to the table. The mess had been cleaned up and a new mug of coffee awaited Chloe. She laughed when she saw the mug was made of plastic.

“I took the liberty of ordering for you,” Rachel said as they seated themselves.

“Oh no,” Chloe groaned.

“Relax,” Rachel said, “today you get a free, no hassle day. I ordered you eggs and bacon. Besides, it looks like you already paid the price with your coffee.”

Chloe sat back with relief, and a groan. Picking up her plastic coffee mug, she took a sip.

The hot liquid distracted her for a moment. “That was really bad, Rachel,” she said as she relaxed a bit. “But then, you’ve always espressoed poor taste in puns.”

That got her own round of groans from Steph and Rachel. The puns seemed to loosen something and soon the three were chatting just like old times. Before they knew it their food arrived. The chatter continued through the meal, the food barely breaking their stride.

During the banter and noshing, Chloe wondered if this what life had been like for Max. Seemingly happy and engaged on the surface while inside everything was darkness. That thought cracked her a little and her next pun was more on the dark side. The others didn’t seem to notice, carrying on with the conversation.

Once plates were cleared and the bill paid (a two-way split between Steph and Rachel), they left the restaurant. Arm in arm they walked through the parking lot toward their car. Chloe stopped. Rachel’s car was covered in glowing blue butterflies.

Her halt caused a little wave as first Steph was stopped in mid-step, then Rachel. “What are you doing, Price,” Rachel asked.

“Do you see them,” Chloe asked, her voice a low hiss.

“See what?” Steph looked around, as did Rachel.

“On the car. It’s covered in butterflies.”

Steph looked at the car. “No,” she said, “there’s no butterflies.”

“Fuck!” Anger did more than lace Chloe’s voice. “So now I’m seeing things! You don’t see the hundreds of butterflies all over our car!” She stomped to the car as she spoke, her arms wildly gesticulating.

At her approach, the butterflies took flight, swirling around her. “I suppose you don’t see this either,” she spat.

Steph laid a hand on her shoulder. “Sorry, Beth. You have the eyes of insight. All I see is you, and the car. No butterflies.”

Her response made Chloe clench her fists. What ever expression she made caused an immediate response in her friend. Both hands grabbed her shoulders. “No, Beth,” she said soft, but firm. “Get in the car. Now.”

Chloe glared at her, the butterflies flitting between them. None had touched her, or Steph for that matter. Behind her, a car door closed as Rachel got in. Growling something, Chloe opened her door and got in the car. Moments later, Steph did the same.

“Go somewhere and talk,” Steph said as she turned to look at Chloe.

Fastening her seatbelt, Chloe shook her head. “No talk. I need to do something!”

“I have an idea,” Rachel said as she started the car.

Chloe barely heard her. A butterfly was flying around inside the car. She swung at it, somehow missing it, and swung again. Each time the little insect dodged her blows. She kept at it, paying no mind to Rachel’s driving nor the way Steph was looking at her. The insect finally flitted behind her head and disappeared.

Looking back and forth a few times, and even turning around to check, Chloe finally relaxed. That’s when she noticed Steph looking at her. “What,” She said, a little too harsh. Drawing a breath as she realized how harsh that was, she said, “Sorry…”

Steph said nothing as she turned around, facing forward. They drove the rest of the way with Rachel singing as the only distraction. Chloe flung her head back and stared at the ceiling of the car.

What the fuck was wrong with her? How the hell did Max deal with this kind of shit day after day? Something inside of Chloe twinged with that thought. Max had endured how many disasters? How many resets? Watching Chloe die how many times?

Folding her arms over her eyes, Chloe tried not to think about that. But it was unavoidable. She had been so patient with Max, so understanding. But there was no way, no earthly way for her to really understand what Max endured each day! Yet at the very end, she had taken the blame for all of it. What was it Max had told her at the end?

“I want you to live!”

Chloe bit back a sob. She wasn’t living. Even at the very end, Max had made Chloe her number one priority. And she couldn’t even live up to that one request!

The car stopped; the engine turned off. Unfolding her arms, Chloe quickly wiped the few tears from her eyes. Opening the door, she got out, closed the door, and sauntered in a circle. The car was in the middle of a large, empty parking lot.

“So…where are we?”

“You said you wanted to do something,” Rachel said as she locked the car. “You had a lot of fun destroying stuff yesterday. On a Sunday, this is the closest thing.” She pointed behind Chloe.

At the far end of the parking lot was some sort of activity center, with indoor and outdoor activities. “Great idea,” Steph said. “That earns you some extra treasure tonight.”

Ignoring the PDA that sprung up after Steph’s comment, Chloe took another look. “Before you search Steph’s box for treasure,” she said, “why are we here?”

“Batting cages.”

“Oooh!” It wasn’t the same as bashing stuff into smithereens, but it was bashing something. “Why did you park so far away?”

“No reason,” Rachel said with an impish smile.

“Right,” Chloe said, stretching out the word.

With Chloe in the lead, and Steph and Rachel arm in arm behind, they made their way to the center. Chloe had to admit it sounded like a great idea.

It was a great idea, but it made her hands hurt! There had been some jarring when knocking things with the hammer. Hitting the softball sent strong vibrations up her arms. After the third hit, her hands stung. Telling herself to ignore it, she focused on the activity.

Like with the cleanup, there was a definite rhythm to batting. The balls came at semi-regular intervals, and at varying speeds. After her first ten minutes she decided she liked this.

Her friends watched her for a while before going to a nearby cage to try their own hands at it. Being a Sunday, not many people were in attendance. They were the only ones at the batting cages.

After thirty minutes, Chloe decided a break was needed. Hitting the stop button, she put her bat down and swung her arms to loosen them.

She still needed to give Steph an answer on staying with them. Maybe she could do it just for one week. See how things went?

Being in the apartment she shared with Max held so many memories. Everything she did there reminded her of her girlfriend. It was painful. A pain she didn’t want to give up. She didn’t want to forget Max, forget her sacrifice, forget their love. No matter how painful, being in their home was something she cherished.

Maybe a small break was needed. Being with Steph and Rachel for just a day was doing wonders for her. A big part of that was she wasn’t alone to stew in her own dark thoughts.

The big drawback was…well, it was Steph and Rachel. They’d always been crazy for each other, barely able to restrain themselves in public. She had made the mistake of rooming with them during college. They were not quiet lovers. Nor were they content to keep it in the bedroom.

Along with that, they were loud and fiery about life. Her brows furrowed at that thought. It was common for the two to have loud, but harmless, disputes. Sometimes the tones got heated, but neither turned to personal attacks or anything hurtful. Yet…that is not how they’d behaved yesterday and today. What was up with that?

Stepping from the batting cage to get a drink, she stopped momentarily by her friend’s cage to see what they were up to. Both girls were also competitive and were currently keeping score on hits versus strikes. Shaking her head, she made her way to the drinking fountain where she quenched her thirst.

Returning to her cage, she switched up her style to pace herself. Starting the machine again, she focused on the activity. Like with the cleanup yesterday, she found herself falling into an easy rhythm. Her mind cleared and her world narrowed into hitting the ball.

Before she knew it, Steph was calling to her. More than an hour had gone by and it was time to go. Turning off the machine, Chloe realized just how sore her arms were. Work would be painful tomorrow.

They left the center, all three girls complaining a little about how sore their arms were. Rachel was teasing Steph quite a bit about winning their little contest. Steph was taking it ok, but Chloe saw the fire burning inside.

On their way back to the apartment, they hit up a drive-thru for food. Munching on some fries in the back seat, Chloe decided to ask the question that had been bothering her a while. “Why are the two of you so tame?”

“What do you mean,” Steph asked around her chicken sandwich.

“You’ve not had a single argument this entire weekend.”

“Oh, that.” Steph ate more of her sandwich before replying. “We’ve been working on being more agreeable with each other.”

“What she’s trying to say,” Rachel interrupted, “is that all our arguing is one of the things that drove us apart. We don’t want that to happen again, so we’re changing that.”

“By listening more, and compromising more,” Steph finished.

“Wow,” Chloe exclaimed. “So you don’t argue at all anymore?”

“Nah. We still argue. Just not about things that matter. We disagree without becoming heated.”

“That’s…” Chloe looked for the word she wanted, but she didn’t know what it was. “…great. How long have you been doing this?”

“We started a couple of months ago.”

A couple of months ago. A little chill went through her at the thought. “What…what made you decide this?”

The silence that descended after her question gave her all the answer Chloe needed. She looked out the window at the trees and buildings they passed.

“We’d already had a few heated arguments,” Rachel said softly. “Seeing Max…give herself for us hit me hard.”

“It hit both of us hard,” Steph added. “Once we could think clearly, we started talking. We decided to do something different when it comes to our differences.”

At least there was something good that came from what Max did. Chloe squelched that thought rapidly before it could turn into something else. More silence filled the car as Chloe struggled to keep her thoughts in order. In the front seat, Steph and Rachel spoke softly to each other.

They pulled into the apartment parking lot and parked. Crumpling up the remains of her food into the sack, Chloe grabbed her drink and got out of the car. “What now,” she asked as they walked up the stairs to the apartment.

“Now,” Steph said, “we rest a bit before our final event later.”

“Final event? What’s that, a movie?”

Unlocking the door, Steph stepped inside and kicked her shoes off. “Nah, more musically inclined.”

That piqued Chloe’s interest immediately. “Music? On a Sunday? Who are we going to see?”

Steph and Rachel looked at each other with sly smiles on their faces. “Oh, you’ll find out soon enough,” Rachel said as she closed the door behind her.

Taking off her own shoes, Chloe went into the kitchen to throw her trash away. After that, she returned to the front room and sprawled out on the futon. Steph and Rachel disappeared into the back to clean up.

A melancholy mood settled on Chloe as she sat in the front room alone. Even here she could hear echoes of Max. Her laugh at their jokes. That nervous, deer in the headlights look she had that first night. Holding her on the couch after seeing the firestorm in her memories.

Soft sounds of two people that love each other floated down the hall. Maybe staying here was a bad idea. Her sight was getting blurry again. Her arms ached, no longer from swinging a bat, but because there was a shape they longed for.

She’d always thought it a little odd how Max liked to curl on her lap. It was almost like a child seeking comfort and protection, the way she’d curl into Chloe. Right now Chloe’d give anything to hold her one last time.

Deciding she needed to do something before her mind got away from her, she turned on the tv and started playing a video game. Sometime later, Steph found her there, playing one of the Dark Souls games. Her hair was damp and she was dressed for staying home.

“How are you,” Steph asked softly as Chloe plowed through another enemy.

Chloe ignored the question a few minutes while she did some inventory management. Sighing, she paused the game and set down the controller. “My emotions are all fucked up,” she said. Her eyes stayed focused on the TV. “I miss her so much…and that makes me doubly sad because I know that’s how she felt every fucking day!

“And yet she’d push that aside to do something nice for me, to be there for me. And I can’t help but think…if I hadn’t pushed her into a relationship with me, she’d still be here. My thoughts are all a fucking mess that I can’t keep straight!” Her fingers clutched the controller with a white-knuckled grip. Realizing that, she loosened her fingers, letting the controller drop to the futon.

“There’s nothing wrong with your emotions, with your feelings,” Steph said. “Knowing Max, I don’t think you pushed her into anything. She’s her own woman. Dating you, that was her choice.”

“I know that,” Chloe whispered, “that doesn’t stop me from blaming myself.”

Rachel came padding into the room then. “Playing some Dark Souls, I see,” she announced as she sat next to Steph. Chloe rubbed her hand over her face. Picking up the controller, she exited to the game menu.

“Here,” Chloe said, tossing the controller at the others. “I’m gonna go clean up.” She heard some heated whispering as she left the room.

After a long shower, in which Chloe consumed the rest of the hot water, she put on house clothes and returned to the front room. They spent a few hours talking and playing different video games. Around four PM, Rachel announced it was time to get ready. They needed to be at the music venue no later than six PM.

For Chloe and Steph, getting ready was the order of a few minutes. For Rachel, it was another matter entirely. She finally exited the bathroom, with her hair done in a variation of a pompadour mohawk that ended in a ponytail.

Steph tried to touch her hair, and Rachel swatted her hand away. “Later,” she said with a glare that melted rapidly into a smile.

They grabbed their coats, and Rachel grabbed a bag, then left the apartment. Chloe tried several times to get more information from the two, but they wouldn’t say a thing.

They made it to the venue with plenty of time. The place looked like it could hold a few hundred people. Shaped somewhat like a pentagon, bars lined three sides of it. A raised area near the back held regular tables and chairs, while the area in front of the stage had high tops.

There was a warmup act on stage when they arrived. “Do you want one of the high tops, or a regular table in back,” Steph asked loudly.

“Who are we here to see,” Chloe asked.

“It’s a surprise, I can’t tell you. But I know you’ll love them.”

Shrugging, Chloe elbowed her way through the audience to one of the high tops. Within moments a server came by and took their drink orders. He also dropped off a food menu.

The band on stage was only mediocre. The drummer had some problems maintaining a consistent beat, but the audience didn’t seem to care. The server returned with their drinks and Chloe ordered some fries.

The trio chatted amongst themselves, ignoring the music. Slowly, people were trickling into the venue. A large basket of fries was placed in front of Chloe right when the act concluded. They left the stage to scattered applause. Moments later another group replaced them, to some enthusiasm.

The new musicians waved to the audience as they readied their equipment. There was a notable difference in quality as each person played a quick warmup on their gear. Chloe slipped earplugs in as the group began playing a high energy cover of classic punk.

By the third song in the set list, Chloe was beginning to lose herself in the music. The crowd didn’t help as everyone was into the music, dancing and singing and moving around.

The fourth song started and Chloe returned to the table to eat a few fries. Steph placed her hand on Chloe’s arm and leaned in. “Don’t wear yourself out, this is just the opening act,” she shouted over the music.

Brows raised and jaw hanging open, Chloe looked at her. “This group is amazing, who are we here to see if their opening act is this good?”

Steph shrugged her shoulders with another impish grin. Grabbing some of the fries, she ate them with a grin and a twinkle in her eye. Slurping down more of her drink, Chloe returned her attention to the act.

They were playing an original song, which sounded right at home with the classic covers they also played. The music took hold of her and she let her body go with it.

Head swaying and body gyrating she bounced around the venue. Bodies sometimes ran into each other, bringing her further into the moment. Around and around she went, her body and mind part of the music streaming from the stage.

The group segued from song to song without pause, Chloe moving all around the venue. A hand on her arm brought her back to reality. The group was still playing. Steph again leaned in. “Come back to the table for a moment. Who we are really here for is up next.”

Confused, Chloe let Steph lead her back to the high top. She noticed Steph had their drinks in hand and she took hers from her. Downing the rest of it as they reached the table, she flagged down the server and asked for a refill.

The fries were warm enough and she wolfed them down. The twenty or so minutes she’d been dancing had made her hungry. The act ended to enthusiastic applause and cheering as the last fry went into her mouth. She left the fry hanging to add her clapping to the applause.

The lights dimmed as stage crew began switching out equipment. People started streaming toward the restrooms as some house music came on. The server returned with her refill. “Hey,” Chloe said as she took a sip, “Where’s Rachel?”

“Oh, she’ll be back soon. Do you want me to order some wings or anything else to eat?”

“Yeah, those fries were good but not enough. I haven’t danced this much since college.” Chloe ran the back of her arm over her brow. She’d worked up a bit of a sweat during the last act.

Steph placed an order for a dozen boneless wings with some spicy sauces. Wiping her hands on a napkin, Chloe wadded it and tossed it into the empty fry basket. A server whisked it away.

“How long have you been coming here,” Chloe asked.

“A few months now. We found it in January, thanks to some friends Rachel made at work.”

“It’s bigger than that place Max and I…found.” Chloe’s voice died as she spoke Max’s name. Steph curled her hand over hers and gave her a sympathetic smile.

“It’s ok to think about her, to talk about her,” Steph said. “You miss her. I miss her. That’s ok.”

Chloe looked away from her friend, trying to retain control of herself. She didn’t want to break down here, not in front of all these people. Emotions conflicted in her, sadness and pain and anger and more. Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on something else. She needed to do something else.

The air around her became alive as hundreds of voices sounded in enthusiastic greeting. Opening her eyes, Chloe looked around. In the few minutes she’d spent trying to compose herself, the venue had filled to capacity.

“Hello Portland,” called a voice Chloe knew really well. Her eyes snapped to the stage and her mouth fell open. Disbelief crept over her, numbing her senses as she saw Rachel on stage.

Rachel no longer had on the plain, casual clothes she wore to the venue. Black sneakers with custom designs, loose fitting black jeans with appropriate rips, a t-shirt and leather jacket with studs on the shoulders was her new look.

A brightly colored guitar, covered with stickers, was suspended in front of her. Her graceful movements, from years of dance and stage, captivated the crowd as she acknowledged them. Peeping from under the jacket as she moved, Chloe recognized one of her deaths head t-shirts!

Spotting Chloe and Steph in the crowd, Rachel took the microphone in hand and said, “I’m gonna start this with something special for my friend. She’s had a rough couple of months. This one’s for you, Beth!”

Stepping back, she began playing the opening notes of I Miss You by blink-182. The band joined her in an extended intro.

The previous band was good, but Rachel’s band was on another level. Rachel’s voice was like a punk angel, simultaneously honey sweet and acidic. The music and her voice wrapped themselves around Chloe. It freed her from the table with Steph and moved her around the packed venue, rocking her blurry world.

Her own voice mixed with Rachel’s, hitting the notes just right:

_I miss you, I miss you_

_I miss you, I miss you_

Around and around she went, living on the stream of energy flowing from the stage. She was part of the music, breathing it like oxygen. She was floating, flying through the air. Her eyes opened and she found she was flying! People had picked her up and she was surfing the crowd!

Heady with the energy and the moment, she went with it, standing upright as her boots hit the wood of the stage. Rachel gestured with a flick of her head and she stepped to the mic. Without arrangement or sign, Chloe took over lead vocals and Rachel switched to backup.

_You’re already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)_

Chloe’s sight blurred further. Inside her, a new sensation made itself known, entangling with the sorrow and loss, making something new.

_You’re already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)_

The air above the audience shimmered, like heat waves rising from the masses. Blue eyes amid freckles looked at her shyly from beneath a mess of brown hair. The shimmering transformed into Max, glowing cyan and white.

_You’re already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)_

Seeing Chloe, Max’s eyes widened a little and she held out her hand in invitation. The hint of a smile played with her mouth and her eyes gleamed. She gave Chloe the soft, private look reserved only for her.

_You’re already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)_

Chloe reached toward the offered hand as Max smiled and swirled in the spirit of the music and the energy rolling off the concert goers. Their fingers were a breath apart when Max devolved into a mass of swirling blue butterflies.

_You’re already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)_

The butterflies twisted and turned, flying toward Chloe. They glowed and shimmered as they flew, so blue and bright they were almost white.

_You’re already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)_

Little feet clung to her clothes as the butterflies landed on her. She was transformed into a glowing punk goddess, but her entire focus was on the song. Raw emotion strengthened her voice as she sang the refrain once more, not noticing Rachel was no longer singing.

_You’re already the voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)_

Chloe fell to her knees, no longer hiding the emotions that ruled her. Microphone in hand, she sang her heart as it cried, no it begged, that Max could hear the loss she felt.

_I miss you, I miss you_

_I miss you, I miss you_

_I miss you, I miss you_

_I miss you, I miss you_

Silence descended as the last note was swallowed by the venue, the echo of her voice slipped into nothingness. A hand settled softly on her shoulder as the silence was replaced by a deafening roar. Chloe looked up to see Rachel. At least she thought it was Rachel, it was so hard to see with her sight so blurry.

“Where have you been hiding that,” Rachel asked, amazement in her voice. She helped Chloe stand and introduced her to the cheering crowd. Hands guided her to the stairs at stage right. Steph was waiting for her at the bottom. She flung her arms around Chloe as soon as she could.

“That was amazing,” Steph said in her ear. Chloe nodded. Everything took more effort now, like she’d spent all her energy in that performance. At the same time something seemed better inside, like the jagged edges of her pain had been smoothed over.

She let Steph lead her back to the table. A lot of people raised their hands for fist bumps or high fives, which she reluctantly gave. Words were spoken as she passed, but nothing she could hear.

Moving their neglected drinks aside, Steph ordered some new ones. The rest of the night was a blur. Rachel’s singing and the music was all at a distance. She paid enough attention to appreciate just how good Rachel and her group were. Most of her focus was inward, trying to regain control over her emotions, and trying to understand what happened.

The concert lasted another hour or so. Chloe kept her eyes focused on her drink, keeping the same one the entire time. The boneless wings had come during her impromptu performance and she nibbled at some of them.

An arm went around her shoulders, pulling her to the side. Steph whispered in her ear, “Are you ready to get out of here?”

Raising her head, she saw the venue was nearly empty. House music was playing. To her side, Rachel was sipping a drink, her bag slung over a shoulder. She still wore her stage getup.

Working her mouth a few times before words would form, Chloe said, “You were amazing, Rachel!”

“The real surprise tonight was you,” Rachel said in answer. “If I’d known you had that in you, I’d have saved that song until the end. You made for a tough act to follow, Price.”

She finished the drink and placed the cup on the table. “I don’t know what was better, your awesome voice, or that blue glow that sprung up around you.”

Chloe spit out the drink in her mouth. “What! That was real?”

“Yeah,” Steph said warmly, her arm still on Chloe’s shoulder. “That was real.”

Words failed her as Chloe looked at Rachel. Reaching out with a finger, Rachel gently lifted Chloe’s chin to close her mouth. “Let’s get her home,” Rachel said.

Slipping her arm from Chloe’s shoulder, Steph grabbed her hand instead. The three girls left the venue, Chloe in tow behind Steph.

“Our manager wants to know if you’d want to join us for any gigs in the future,” Rachel said as they walked. “She was blown away by your performance.” She paused, stopped, and looked at Chloe. “Honestly, I’m a little jealous. I’ve never seen a performance like you gave tonight. If you can sing like that…well I’d be a fool to not want you in the group.”

Puzzled, Chloe looked at her friend. “What are you saying,” she finally asked.

“I’m saying, our next rehearsal is this Wednesday. If you want to see whether you can sing other songs as well as that one, you are welcome to come.”

Chloe looked at Rachel, stunned at what she was hearing. She? Sing in a band, a punk rock band? With Rachel? “Let me think about it,” she finally said.

Rachel nodded and resumed walking. “I wouldn’t expect less. I need to know before Wednesday though, so we can plan the commute.” Chloe nodded and fell back into silence as they approached the car.

It wasn’t until they were nearly home that Chloe was confident she could put some of her thoughts into words. “It was the butterflies,” she said hoarsely. “Did you see them? Did you see the butterflies?”

“Nah girlfriend,” Steph said, “All we saw was a blue glow suddenly outline you, right before you fell to your knees.”

Block after block went by outside as they wended the streets. “I saw her, or something that looked like her,” Chloe said softly. “She was looking at me…like…like that way only she could. She held out her hand and I reached out to take it.

“Just as we were about to touch, she turned into a mass of butterflies. They flew toward me and landed on me. It was like…like she was there and could hear me…”

“Wow,” Rachel said under her breath as she turned the car into the apartment’s parking lot. Neither girl said anything else as they got out of the car.

Chloe looked around, then up into the sky. It was empty, as empty as the night Max stopped the storm. A few stars glimmered through the lights of the city. A hand tugged on hers and she turned to follow Steph up the stairs and into their apartment.

They readied themselves for bed. Both Rachel and Chloe were tired from the event. Steph was livelier, but she restrained her enthusiasm to playful teasing of Rachel.

Steph tried to talk with her, but Chloe declined. It was all too much and she needed time to sort herself out. Biding her friends goodnight, Chloe went into her bedroom and closed the door. It took just a few minutes to change into her pajamas and get ready for bed.

Blue eyes haunted her the entire time. They had formed when she spoke about them. Seen only from the corner of her vision, they followed her as she prepared herself for bed.

Turning off the light, Chloe slipped into bed. Fluffing her pillow beneath her head, she closed her eyes. The ghostly blue eyes looked at her shyly, playful, then disappeared.

* * *

A soft sound awoke her. It was distant and muffled, a voice. Someone…was sad? Rising from her bed, Chloe opened her door. The sound echoed softly along the hall. It tugged at her heart. She recognized the voice and it pulled her down the hall.

Stepping into the front room, Chloe froze. Someone was on the couch. A figure curled in a way she recognized, head on knees with arms wrapped around legs. Soft sobs leaked from the person, a staccato of pain that pummeled Chloe’s heart.

She stopped breathing as she took a tentative step into the living room. The person, if she heard her, didn’t move. Chloe took another step and now the person moved. Her head raised and looked at Chloe.

Pale light leaked between the mini blinds, shining on Max’s tear-streaked face. Her head tilted as she saw Chloe frozen in the entry. She spoke and her voice was laden with such sadness that it completed the breaking of Chloe’s heart.

“I’m so, so sorry, Chloe.”


	27. Chapter 27

Chloe reached for Max but something blocked her. She strained against the restraint and pushed forward, calling Max’s name but she couldn’t get any closer! With a great burst of effort, she broke free from whatever restrained her! And found herself falling. Falling and twisting and turning through a black void.

A sharp impact that drove the breath from her body ended her fall. Opening her eyes, Chloe found herself surrounded by darkness, pierced by flashes of pain. Gradually her sight cleared. She was lying on the floor of her bedroom.

Her hands curled into fists and she sat up. The entire thing was a dream! Nothing but a fucking dream! Nightmare, more accurately. She raised her hands, ready to express the dark sensations running through her when a soft knock sounded on the door.

“Chloe?” Steph’s muffled voice was soft and steeped with worry. Using the bed to push herself up, Chloe stood and went to the door.

Outside her bedroom, both Steph and Rachel stood. At seeing her, Steph gasped and her hand went to her mouth. Rachel stepped backwards saying “whoa, what’s with your eyes?”

“Are you ok,” Steph asked simultaneously.

“Yeah…no…what do you mean my eyes,” Chloe said. Frustration tinged her voice, fueled by the anger the dream left her in.

“They’re glowing,” Rachel answered. Leaving her friends at the door, Chloe rushed to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Sure enough, her eyes were glowing. The glow wasn’t very bright, but in the darkness of the inner bathroom any light was bright.

Chloe didn’t know what to make of this. A memory came to her suddenly, of Max being frustrated over getting a new ability. At that moment she understood Max’s frustration even better. Bitterness crept up her throat.

Steph cautiously poked her head into the restroom. “How are you,” she asked quietly. The glow faded in mid-question.

“I am…,” Chloe began, but she truly didn’t know how to complete the statement. How was she? “I…I don’t know.”

“I…had a dream,” Chloe hesitantly said after a long pause. “She…I mean Max, was in it. She was crying.” Her voice hitched as the memory of Max sitting on the couch, crying, filled her heart. “She…apologized. And then I woke up.”

“What did she apologize for,” Rachel asked softly.

Chloe tensed, not expecting Rachel to have joined in. Forcing herself to relax, she said, “I don’t know. She didn’t say.”

“Do you…do you want to talk about it,” Steph asked cautiously.

Glancing at her friends, Chloe forced a smile on her face. “Thanks, but no.” She turned and made to exit the bathroom. Steph and Rachel stood aside to let her pass. “I think I’ll go back to sleep now,” she said as she walked to her bed.

Steph and Rachel walked from her room, Steph pausing at the door. She looked a long time at Chloe. Chloe tried to ignore her as she slipped under the covers. Her face was heating up and she was glad for the darkness. It made it impossible for Steph to see her red face.

“You were calling Max’s name,” Steph softly said. “It’s what brought us to your door. We’ll see you in the morning.” She pulled Chloe’s door shut, leaving Chloe to her own thoughts.

And what damning thoughts they were! She was doing the same thing Max had done for months: lock out the people that care! Steeling herself against her mental accusations, Chloe closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep.

Sleep was so far away though. Her mind kept rolling the events of Saturday and Sunday over and over. Blue butterflies that only she could see. A strange energy that infused her at the concert. Her body glowed. Her eyes glowed. The dream. What the hell was happening to her?

She couldn’t make any sense of it. Something about her was changing, but she didn’t know what nor why. There was no basis for comparison. All she had was a suspicion, but nothing to test against. Max’s frustration came to mind once again.

Rolling over for the umpteenth time, she pushed the matters from her mind. She needed to relax, to let her mind drift into something that would allow her to sleep. Her traitorous heart, though, led her back to that moment in the concert.

Once again she saw Max shimmer into being above the audience. The memory alone was enough to shoot a jolt of pain through her heart. During that moment it was like Max had been with her. It wasn’t just lights and air, there had been presence!

She ended up tossing and turning the rest of the night, her mind unwilling to let go the events of the day. Finally, at 6 AM she fell asleep, only for her alarm to jolt her awake a few minutes later. Stumbling from bed, she made her way to the kitchen.

“You look like hell,” Steph said as she finished measuring coffee grounds into the maker.

“I feel like hell,” Chloe muttered as she leaned against the counter. It would be a few minutes before there would be enough for two cups.

“You sound like hell,” Rachel said as she breezed past her.

“Hell, hell, hell,” Chloe grumbled.

Steph got out three coffee cups and set them next to the coffeemaker. “How can I help you,” she asked as she faced Chloe again.

“Ugh, call my boss, pretend you’re my mom and tell him I’m sick,” Chloe groaned.

Steph chuckled. “If your mom calls your boss, he’ll think something’s majorly wrong with you. Speaking of your mom, though, you really should call your parents. Did you know they’ve been calling me the last two weeks?”

“No, I didn’t know that,” Chloe said as she moved aside so Rachel could get something from the fridge. “I’ll call them tonight.”

“You should call them now, but that’s just my opinion,” Steph said. She checked the coffee level, it was almost ready.

“Right now, I’m too tired to deal with the questions they’ll ask.”

“Not much sleep last night,” Rachel asked as she returned the item to the fridge.

“No,” Chloe said, shaking her head.

“Max on your mind,” Steph said softly.

“Max…and all the weird things that happened this weekend,” Chloe said, trying not to look at her friends. She grabbed a coffee cup and filled it with the fresh brew.

“Who’s Max,” Rachel asked, turning around with her bagel in hand.

Chloe froze, cup partway to her mouth. “Say that again,” she said, disbelief dripping from her voice.

“Rachel Dawn Amber! That is one of the most insensitive comments you’ve ever made,” Steph said hotly at the same time.

Looking at her two friends, puzzlement clear on her face, Rachel said, “Why would Beth be thinking about someone named Max?”

Chloe sputtered and choked, unable to articulate anything. She set the coffee cup on the counter before an accident happened. Steph had no such problems. “Max Caulfield? Her girlfriend? The reason she’s had such a rough time the last two months?”

“Oh, she has a girlfriend” Rachel said, her face softening. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”

“What the fucking hell, Rachel? How could you forget my girlfriend after two months!” Chloe was steaming. Rachel’s words were churning in her heart, fueling an angry fire.

“Sorry? That’s all you can say? What were you thinking?” Steph was quite mad and began to lay into Rachel.

Recognizing what was happening, Chloe stopped an acerbic remark and left the kitchen. Rachel had done enough harm with her thoughtless comment. No sense in Chloe stirring things even more. Leaving the kitchen, she went back to her bedroom; her coffee forgotten.

Her heart, fueled by tiredness, hurt, and anger, transformed Rachel’s words into something spiteful. Behind her, the sounds of Steph and Rachel devolving into one of their classic, fiery arguments was the symphony to her storming down the hallway.

Entering her bedroom, she slammed the door behind her. How could Rachel say something like that? An irresistible urge to do something grabbed her and wouldn’t let go. With a terrible cry she shoved everything off her dresser onto the floor.

Grabbing her laundry basket, she swung it around, then flung it across the room. Dirty clothes flew everywhere. She grabbed whatever she could and threw it around.

In the midst of her fit, someone grabbed her wrists, holding tight. “Let me go,” she raged.

“I’m not letting you go,” Steph said, her tone firm.

Chloe strained and pulled, but couldn’t break herself free. “Look,” Steph hissed, “I don’t know what got into Rachel. Her explanation made little sense. It fucking hurts, I know that-”

“No, you don’t,” Chloe yelled, “You don’t know what it’s like, to lose someone and then…and then…” She was so mad her words failed her.

Steph closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “That was the wrong thing to say,” she said after exhaling. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I don’t know. But what I do know is destroying your stuff won’t help-”

“It helps me feel better,” Chloe interrupted, her voice slightly lower in volume.

“For a little while, but then…?” Steph let go of Chloe’s wrists and bent over. Picking up some clothes, she put them in her hands. “I’m not gonna try to apologize for what Rachel said. What she said was hurtful, and I am sorry you are hurt. I…I’m concerned that you’re going to hurt or break something that you shouldn’t. Something that will really hurt you.”

Chloe looked down at what Steph had placed in her hands. Max’s clothes. Her friend’s words sunk in as she rubbed her thumb over the shirt. Clothes couldn’t really be hurt by what she was doing, but there were other things in her room that could. Like the little trinkets she’d saved from their dates.

“It’s ok to feel the way you’re feeling,” Steph softly said. “Hurt, sad, angry, something else. They are your feelings and it’s ok to have them. All I’m suggesting is that you express them in a way that has less risk of doing something you’ll regret.”

Looking at Steph, Chloe said, “Thank you.” Her voice was scratchy and chastened. Steph rubbed her shoulder.

“You’re welcome,” Steph said. “How are you feeling right now?”

“Just like you said,” Chloe said, returning her gaze to the clothes. “Hurt, angry, sad. I miss her so damn much that just missing her hurts!”

“I wish,” Steph began, then paused. “I wish you didn’t have to go through this. That she was still here. Rachel and I are a poor substitute. There're things we just can’t offer you, that she could. You’ll always have my support though. And…”

Steph broke off and looked to the side. Chloe looked up, curious why she had stopped speaking. “This may sound bizarre at this moment, but… I think you should take up Rachel’s offer to join her Wednesday night. Not only do I think it will be good for you, your singing last night was unreal!”

She looked back at Chloe, her intent look capturing Chloe’s attention. “I don’t know what or how you did it, but I could _feel_ what you were singing. You were so drained and distraught by the song, you likely couldn’t see what you did last night. Not only did you have everyone dancing to the song, you had everyone in tears. It was like…like your pain was in my heart!”

Steph’s words swept aside the pain and anger that seethed inside Chloe. She looked at her friend, unable to put into words the thoughts racing through her head. “What do you mean,” she finally managed to say.

Shaking her head, Steph said, “it’s just like I said. While you sang that song, and especially at the end, my heart ached from loss. It was…like a great emptiness that longed to be filled, and never could be filled. That ache lingered for a few minutes after the song ended.”

Chloe added that to her growing list of changes, but otherwise didn’t know what to make of it. Maybe it was just an anomaly because she and Steph were so close? But no, Steph had said the entire audience was in tears. “I’ll, uh, think about joining her.”

“Are you ok to talk with her,” Steph asked.

“Why?

”Because she wants to apologize. She feels awful about what she said.”

Chloe looked at Steph intently for a few seconds, before nodding her head. “Yeah, I’ll talk with her.”

“Are you…ok?”

“No, but honestly? I haven’t been ok since we went to Arcadia Bay.” Another similarity she now had with Max, not feeling ok for a long time.

Opening her arms, Steph said, “May I?”

Nodding permission, Chloe opened her arms and accepted the hug. She hadn’t held anyone since… she choked back a sob. She let go of Steph and leaned back. Steph looked at her, concerned.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t apologize,” Chloe replied, wiping a few tears from her eye. “It’s just…the last person I held…was Max. I-I’m glad the first person I hugged since was you, but…it just hurts. I’ll be fine.” Sniffing snot back into her nose, she rubbed her hand over her face and stood.

“Let’s get to it,” she muttered as she walked toward the door.

Rachel was in the kitchen, dressed for work and waiting. Her eyes lit up as she saw Chloe come in. Rushing to her, Rachel grabbed Chloe’s hands and gave her such the heartfelt apology that Chloe couldn’t stay mad at her.

Rachel didn’t know why she said what she said. Of course she knew about Max and that was why Chloe was staying with them again. Yes, she realized how hurtful her words were and was sorry for the pain they caused. She resolved not to repeat that mistake.

Rachel was crying by the end, her makeup streaming from her face. Once Chloe assured her she forgave her, and was not harboring any resentment, Rachel rushed off to clean up. She had to leave for work soon.

Chloe dumped out her now cold coffee and filled it with some fresh brew. She was tired, unsettled by Rachels’ behavior, and apprehensive about the oddities she was mentally cataloging. Going into the living room, she knelt on a futon and sipped her coffee.

Steph was opposite her, laptop out and presumably working. Minutes later, Rachel came through and gave Steph a kiss goodbye. Waving at Chloe, she walked out the door, leaving them to the silence of keystrokes.

Soon Chloe would have to get ready to leave as well She was so tired though, and feeling rather stretched. That wasn’t quite the word for it, but it sufficed. Pulled in too many directions at once with no direction or focus.

“I think,” Chloe said after some time, “that I will stay with you for a while, maybe a week.”

The keystrokes went silent and Steph looked up at her. It took a moment for her brain to disengage from her focus to grasp what Chloe said. When she did, a smile spread across her face. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want,” she said, “After all you’re still on the lease.”

“Thanks,” Chloe said, taking another sip. “But, staying even that long…” Her voice trailed into silence.

“What’s the matter?”

Heaving a sigh, Chloe continued, “I don’t want to give up Max’s apartment. It has too many memories.”

“That makes sense. Do you think you’ll be ok on your own after the week?”

“We’ll find out.”

Steph tapped her chin for a moment, then closed her laptop and set it to the side. “You’ve gone through some rather intense things this weekend. How are you?”

“Same as I was when you asked a few minutes ago. Hurting because I miss her. A lot. Sad and angry.”

“You…don’t need to answer this if you don’t want to. No pressure. Do you…have any dark thoughts?”

“Do you mean like…hurting myself…or worse?”

“Yeah.”

Chloe hesitated before saying, “No. Mostly I just have thoughts that tear me down.”

“If you don’t mind…would you tell me about them?”

Chloe squirmed at the question. It was uncomfortable sharing such deep, private thoughts with anyone. Steph knew a lot about her, and wouldn’t share her private thoughts with anyone. Still, voicing the thoughts wasn’t easy.

“That I wasn’t good enough for her.” Her words were so soft Steph leaned forward to hear them. “Like yesterday morning when I said Max and I didn’t have the same relationship as you and Rachel. My mind immediately told me ‘but she and her captain did’! That…hurt so much.”

“Ouch. That…yeah, that sounds painful.”

“And I realized deep down, I wanted that type of relationship with her, but she wasn’t ready. And now…” She paused to wipe her nose. “And I can’t help but think I’m going through some of the same things Max lived with every day.

“I used to kind of congratulate myself on how much I was helping Max. How patient and supportive I was with her.” Chloe’s voice took on a biting, sarcastic quality. “I had no fucking clue what an imbecile I was! And now that I’m going through similar things? Losing someone I love. Weird things only I can see. Glowing. It’s like the universe is mocking me for ever thinking I understood her, let alone was helping her!”

She hadn’t intended to share that much with Steph, but it felt rather good to give it voice and share it. Steph only nodded in encouragement to continue during her little speech.

“I don’t really know what to say to those things,” Steph said after some time passed. “I disagree with you being an imbecile. Everything I saw was of a person caring and supporting someone she loved. There’s nothing wrong with that.” She paused for a moment in thought.

“Would you like to share more about your thoughts?”

“No…not really. It hurts to talk about these things…I think they are still too raw.”

“Ok. I’m here when you’re ready…or even when you aren’t.”

“Thanks.” Chloe downed the rest of her coffee then got up and went to the kitchen. She needed something to do, something that would distract herself from the dark emotions raging inside her. “Do you want breakfast,” she yelled out.

“Please!”

It was the work of a few minutes to get some eggs cooking. Grabbing some English muffins from the fridge, she put them in the toaster. It looked like a rather light breakfast today. Serving up a portion for Steph, Chloe took it to her.

“Oh, yum,” Steph exclaimed as she set aside her laptop again. “Your breakfasts are so delish.”

“Well, you’ll get them for at least a week,” Chloe said as she returned to the kitchen. Her own breakfast she ate in the kitchen. Washing the dishes afterward, she went to get ready for work.

After a shower and clean clothes, she felt a little better. Tiredness dragged at her, but she thought she could manage a full day of work. Grabbing her bag, she headed to the door. “After work I’m taking the bus to… Max’s to pick up our car,” she said as she opened the door.

Steph nodded and looked at her. “Call me if you need anything,” she said. “Anything!”

Chloe nodded and left.

The bus ride to work went as it used to. A lot of stops, with people getting on and off. The earbuds in her ears prevented a lot of unnecessary conversations. The music helped her to focus and process all those weird experiences she was having.

Work was blah. Since Max left, her passion for coding, and most things really, had disappeared. Today was no different than any day the last few weeks. Grab an assignment, stare at the screen, maybe figure out the problem, maybe write some code. Her heart just wasn’t in this any ore.

Lunch time was particularly painful. There were too many memories associated with the meal. Visiting Max at work. Max bringing lunch to her. Sometimes she found herself looking down the hall toward the office where they ate their first lunch together. Most days she ate at the cafe to prevent memories from inundating her. When she could even make herself eat.

Today, after lunch, she returned to her desk to find her boss waiting for her. “Hey, Beth,” he said as she walked up.“You’re a little late for our one on one, so I came looking for you.”

She glanced at the time and groaned. “Sorry about that boss man, I was at lunch and didn’t pay attention to the time.”

“No worries. I still have time available. Come on.” He waved her to follow as he turned and walked toward his office. He closed the door behind them and waved her to a chair. Seating himself, he began fiddling with some gadgets on his desk. “How are you doing,” he asked.

“Not bad,” she answered, a little reserved.

He paused, looking at his hands, then at her. “That’s not what I see,” he said. He was trying to maintain a professional tone, but something else was bleeding through. “What I see is one of my best employees falling apart. Your code output has dropped significantly. And your quality has gone downhill. When people talk to you, you’re short with them.

“That’s not the Beth I came to know over the first six months you worked here. How are you, really?” He was looking at her now.

Chloe’s fingers were toying with the armrest. She kept her eyes down, looking at the carpet while he spoke. She let the silence that sprang up after his question linger for quite a while.

What could she say? My girlfriend gave her life to save us from a storm that would have destroyed Portland. I’m seeing butterflies that no one else can see. My eyes glow. After a long silence, she quietly said, “It’s…been…hard since my girlfriend left me.”

He sat up straighter at her admission. “G-girlfriend? I didn’t know you had a girlfriend. I’m so sorry she left you.”

Whatever else he said, she didn’t hear. Her mind reeled from his words. He didn’t know she had a girlfriend? Disbelief, followed by shock then a little anger, seeped through her.

“What do you mean you didn’t know I had a girlfriend,” she protested, interrupting him. “She brought me lunch at least once a week! You gave me a family badge card for her! You seemed thrilled for me when I told you about her.”

He leaned back, eyebrows climbing higher and higher during her little tirade. “There appears to be a misunderstanding,” he said when she paused. “I haven’t given a family pass to anyone, and I certainly didn’t know you had a girlfriend!”

Chloe sputtered. “Look,” he said warmly, and reached into his desk drawer. “I only have two family passes.” He held them up. “And they are still in my drawer.”

Seeing the disbelieving look on her face, he turned to his computer. “I can also look at the assignment logs.” After a few keystrokes, he turned the monitor to face her. She leaned closer to see the screen. It was a spreadsheet that tracked family badge assignments. The last family badge checkout was over a year ago, and the last check-in was less than three weeks ago.

Her boss leaned forward. “Listen, I believe you when you say you have-had a girlfriend. Whatever happened with her…has really got you upset. Take the rest of the day off. Go home. Do something fun.”

“What?”

“Go home, Beth. Take some time to…put yourself in a better place.” He rose and extended his hand. Slowly she raised hers and took his. He helped her to her feet.

“You’re a good person,” he said as he walked her to the door. “I’m sorry you’ve had such an experience. I hope you find someone with the same passion for life you have.”

She exited his office, barely hearing the door close behind her. Her entire being focused on the one thought: he didn’t remember Max!

Chloe’s thoughts were so scattered she barely knew what she was doing as she went to her desk. Closing out her applications, she put the computer to sleep, grabbed her bag and left.

The next thing she knew, she was standing in front of Max’s old apartment. Their old apartment. Her fingertips brushed the door’s exterior. She half-expected Max to be waiting for her when she opened the door.

The expectation was unrealistic. The little apartment was empty, like it had been since early February. Letting her backpack slip to the floor, she stepped to the center of the room and looked around. It no longer smelled like them, like her. The life she had led the last few months had replaced the scents of home with other smells. Steph’s words about doing something rash while angry came back to her.

Her fingers traced the black lines she’d drawn over her painting. She’d wanted to wipe that reminder from her sight because each day it stabbed her heart. The happiness and joy in Max’s eyes when she saw Chloe’s gift tormented Chloe each time she had gazed at the painting. So, she’d defaced it.

She was only here to get the car. Her heart had drawn her into their little house, their nest. The memories were like a powerful magnet, pulling her up the stairs into the apartment. But it was like a body without a soul. Max had been the soul, and she’d given it away.

Digging something from her pocket, she sat on the futon. Elbows on knees, and head hanging over them, she looked at what she held. It was the last thing she’d taken from Max before the paramedics arrived. She’d been waiting for a special occasion to return it to her. Now she never could.

The locket lay on her palm, teasing her. She’d never looked inside it, never wanted to confirm what she knew it held. It was something special, private to Max. Now, it was one of the few personal things of hers left.

Opening the locket, Chloe looked. Two pictures. One of Max and her Captain on their wedding day. The other…the other side was empty? That’s not what she remembered. Puzzled, Chloe returned her gaze to the wedding photo. Though small, the joy on Max’s face was evident. As was that innocence she’d lost to that life.

Deciding she’d tormented herself enough, Chloe closed the locket and put it back in her pocket. How innocent she’d been a few months ago. So positive they’d find a way to stop the storm and save Max. In the end it was Max who saved all of them.

Shaking her head to clear it, Chloe decided it was time to do something she’d avoided for a while. Pulling her phone from her back pocket, she dialed her dad.

“Heya sailor,” he said when he answered. Worry and happiness fought for supremacy in his voice.

“Hey dad,” Chloe said, subdued.

“Hey.”

Silence ticked out the seconds, each one not speaking, just listening.

“So, I’m sorry I haven’t called for a while,” Chloe finally said. “I’ve been kind of messed up.”

“Oh, honey,” William said warmly, “I’m sorry to hear that. Tell me about it, please?”

“It’s…I’m still trying to make sense of it you know? One moment I’m fine, and then the next it just hits me and it’s all I can do to put one foot in front of the other.”

“That…that sounds rough dear.”

“It’s like someone pulled my heart out and threw it away, then put nothing but emptiness and pain where my heart used to be. Everywhere I look, I see memories and it hurts so much! I’m sitting on our couch, looking at a picture of her, knowing I’ll never see her again, never touch her again!”

“I’m so sorry, sailor. Who was she?”

“M-Max.”

“Was she your girlfriend?”

The phone slid from her fingers as that question echoed in her mind. She looked at it, laying on the floor. Her dad’s voice, now muted and distant, again asked, “Tell me, who is Max?”

Something clicked in Chloe’s mind at that moment. A memory of words spoken that she’d brushed aside months ago. Words that, at the time, she didn’t fully understand.

“I have to finish what I started.”

Max’s words came back to her with a rush and she leaned back. Her mind reeled as she saw again Max dissolving into the mass of butterflies, those words among the last she spoke. What had Max started? She’d said something else…something about her choice.

“That choice…it’s not complete.”

What was the choice? What had Max been trying to tell her?

Memories from months ago, from last October came to mind. Max had told her that when she got her power a choice was forced upon her: save Chloe or save Arcadia Bay. She’d replayed that week over and over and it always came to that choice. She’d finally done something different, something drastic.

Max had gone back in time and removed herself from Chloe’s life. She had prevented every meeting during their youth and wiped out every happy moment between them. That was Max’s choice. To live without Chloe in the hope it would prevent the circumstances leading to Chloe’s death.

It was the only way she’d seen to protect Chloe and save all the innocent people of Arcadia Bay. But if her choice wasn’t complete…that meant… Chloe’s eyes went wide.

Rachel. Her boss. Her dad. All three suddenly didn’t know who Max was, nor that she even existed! It was like their memory and all knowledge of her was removed!

The hair on her arms and neck stood up as her mind made these connections. She shivered as she understood. If people were losing their memories of Max, that meant…yes!

That meant Max was still alive!


	28. Chapter 28

The sound of her name being called over and over from a distance finally brought Chloe back to the present. Her phone was on the floor. From its speaker came her dad’s voice calling her name. She stared at it a moment before picking it up.

“Hey dad,” she said as she held the phone to her face. “Thank you so much. You just helped me figure something out. I have to go now, but I’ll call you soon, I promise.”

She moved the phone away, her thumb hovering over the end call button. Her dad kept speaking but she wasn’t paying attention. A thought stopped her thumb and she placed the phone by her mouth again. “I love you dad. Tell mom I love her too. Call you soon. Bye.”

She disconnected the call. Standing, she slipped the phone into her pocket. Immediately, it started buzzing with an incoming call which she ignored. Max was alive. She was sure of it! Excitement coursed through her and she had to talk to someone about this. Steph. Steph would love this!

Grabbing her pack, she hurried from the apartment, locking it on the way out. Rushing down the stairs, she ran to her car and jumped in. Throwing her pack on the seat next to her, she buckled up and started the car.

Her trip from Max’s apartment to Steph’s was made in record time. It was still mid-afternoon when she pulled into the first empty space and leaped from the car. Pack in hand, she locked the car and ran toward the apartment.

She burst into the apartment, sweaty and her breath rapid and shallow. Steph was sitting at the table. Chloe’s sudden entry caused her to leap from the chair and go into a crouch.

“What the hell, Beth,” Steph said when she saw who had entered. Relaxing, she stood and flipped off Beth. Then her brow furrowed. “Wait, what are you doing home so early.”

“Max,” Chloe panted, still trying to catch her breath. Weakness suddenly flooded her and she stumbled toward a futon.

“What about Max?”

“She’s…she’s still alive!”

Steph froze in the middle of closing the door. “What do you mean she’s still alive?” The snick of the door latching punctuated her question.

Between ragged breaths, Chloe explained her theory. While she spoke, Steph wandered over and sat next to her.

“That does make a lot of sense,” Steph said once Chloe finished. “But what do we do? I mean, if she’s alive, where is she? How do we contact her?”

Those questions, such logical, obvious questions, stopped Chloe cold. Something inside her sank as her hope, blazing bright a moment before, disappeared into darkness.

“I…I don’t know,” Chloe said hesitantly. Her mind took another dark turn as it latched onto those questions. If Max was doing what Chloe feared, removing herself from everyone’s life, what kind of emotional state was she in?

A memory of Max, hiding away from the world in a forgotten corner, came to Chloe and she shuddered. Max, all alone. Giving up everything and everyone so that Chloe and others could live without threat of that storm. And no one would know what she was doing, what she was sacrificing to remove that threat.

A touch on her arm startled her and she looked over to see Steph studying her. “How are you,” Steph asked quietly.

“I…am not in a good place right now.”

“What can I do to help?”

Sitting back, Chloe brought her legs onto the futon. “I was so happy for a while, thinking that Max was still alive. It gave me hope! Maybe there was some way still to help her…

“Now… after your questions… now I just can’t help thinking of her somewhere, alone, removing herself from people’s memories. From their lives. How sad that must be, how painful. She’s all alone and when she’s done…no one will know her or remember her! She’ll have given up everything, every bit of happiness and no one will know, not even me! She’ll be truly alone…”

Her voice kept breaking as she spoke, before finally dying into silence. Steph was silent too, her hands in her lap, fidgeting.

“And I keep thinking,” Chloe continued once her emotions were steady, “That all that time I spent trying to encourage her we’d find a solution was wasted! I should have asked her about that choice, what it meant to her. How she did it. I should have…she’d already given up so much for me, for us…and…no one gave up anything for her!”

Silence descended again. Chloe’s hands were trembling with the need to do something, anything. Steph reached over and touched her hand. “If I remember her story right,” she said softly, “you offered to give yourself for her and she found that price too high. That’s why she chose this route.”

Shaking her head, Chloe said, “To forfeit her life for mine? What…kind of price would require that?”

“That’s something only she can answer, unfortunately.” Steph took her hand and gave it a friendly squeeze. “Hey. It’s great that she’s still alive. I wish…I wish I had more to say about it, like an idea of how to reach her, but I don’t.”

They sat in silence for a while, Steph occasionally squeezing Chloe’s hand. “What you said…I think having those thoughts and feelings is natural,” Steph whispered. “They’re ok. My own feelings kind of match yours. We spent months together, and she gave up everything for us…for you. Questioning past decisions seems natural with these circumstances.

“It’s ok to feel the way you do. It’s ok to have those doubts. Her choice… her decision was for you to live. That’s not a judgement on you. That’s an acknowledgement that with everything Max was dealing with, she could only see one choice.

“That night… she told us she was tired of what she’d been doing, reseting her timeline to prevent disaster. It’s like she’d hit a breaking point. I think… I think Max struggled with emotional and mental health issues, perhaps not even realizing it. But now…” Steph turned on the futon to look at Chloe.

“Now, you are the one I’m worried about. You are the one I can help. How can I help you?”

Smiling weakly at Steph’s words, Chloe said, “I appreciate what you’re trying to do. I just…I don’t know what I need. I should stop blaming myself for her choice…it’s just hard to stop. I think… I think right now I just need some space to…process all this.”

Letting go of Steph’s hand, Chloe stood. “I need to be alone right now.”

“Will you be ok,” Steph asked softly. “You can stay out here while I work.”

“Thanks… but I need to be alone right now.” Chloe couldn’t tell her she needed to be like Max. She needed to experience what Max was experiencing, as much as she could.

Steph stood also and gave Chloe a hug. Chloe momentarily stiffened in the hug, then relaxed and returned the hug. “Thanks,” she whispered, “I know you’re trying to help and I appreciate it.”

Stepping away, Steph nodded and gave her a fist bump before returning to the table. Chloe walked down the hall to her room. She didn’t sit on her bed, instead she sat on the floor. She couldn’t bear the thought of making herself comfortable when there was no way Max was comfortable.

With arms folded across her knees and head on her arms, Chloe closed her eyes and thought about Max. She pictured darkness, with Max huddled in it, alone. No one to comfort her. No one to care about her. No one.

That vision of Max stayed in her mind the rest of the day, keeping her to herself. The only time she left her room was for dinner, a plain sandwich she made. Rachel and Steph both tried to make small talk. All they received in return were grunts.

Night came, and Chloe curled herself on the floor. Max gave up everything for her. So Chloe could live. The only way she knew how to live, was with Max. That’s what four months of dating her, and living with her had taught Chloe. Life was Max. Maybe it was a bit dramatic, but comparing life before Max to life after? The answer was clear in Chloe’s mind.

Tuesday seemed as dark in her mind as Monday had been. She gave her boss a weak smile that she hoped looked genuine. He nodded to her as she slipped into her desk chair. Code and problems blurred through the day. She thought her productivity was a little better, even though her mind was trapped by a vision of Max, alone, in a dark place, happiness leaving her like tears falling down her cheeks.

She was as unresponsive at home. Grunts and single word answers were all she gave. In her room, eating another plain sandwich for dinner, her mind brought back another memory. Last November, Max had treated Chloe the same way she was treating Steph and Rachel and everyone else.

Being forced to relive memories of a lost life had sent Max into that state. For herself, it was the realization that Max was alive, alone, and sending herself into oblivion.

Was there a reason she was experiencing situations like Max did? Was it all just a series of coincidences? Or was there a reason for it?

Her mind was split between those questions and the picture of Max fading into non-existence, alone. After a long time she slipped into sleep.

Wednesday morning came and Rachel asked Chloe about joining them for rehearsal that night. After a brief hesitation, she agreed and they worked out travel arrangements for later.

Again the day blurred before her, one git command at a time. She wished she could reset her life to last October, keeping all her current knowledge. The things she would do differently ran through her mind. Angrily, she thrust them aside and focused anew on the code problems before her.

Rachel picked her up at the office and they went to the rehearsal together. Chloe found herself with Rachel and several others in a large comfortable room in the warehouse district. Sound dampening panels were fastened haphazardly on the walls and ceiling. Old, comfortable furniture completed the room’s odd look.

After quick introductions, the group spent some time doing various warm-up routines, including Rachel with her voice. Chloe found a chair to the side to sit in while she watched. She felt a little like an outsider here.

A few minutes into the warm-up, the door opened and a tall, slender woman entered. She stopped just inside, closing the door and looking around. A small handbag was slung across her colorful blouse with geodesic designs, which was a beautiful contrast to her dark skin. When she spotted Chloe, she walked over to her. A bright smile lit up her face.

“Hi, you must be Beth,” she said in a deep voice. “I’m Taiwo. Thanks for joining us tonight.” Chloe couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her own face. Taiwo’s smile was quite infectious.

“Nice to meetcha,” Chloe said. She shook Taiwo’s proffered hand.

“I caught the end of your performance the other night. It was amazing. I’m hoping that wasn’t a fluke.” Her gaze returned to the band doing their warm-ups. Chloe took the opportunity to study the designs stenciled into the woman’s undercut. They seemed random. The tight curls of hair above were opal colored.

“I…well, that was the first time I ever sang,” Chloe said, “Sang in front of people that is. I’ve always kept my singing to myself. But Rachel’s song…it meant a lot to me.”

Taiwo nodded as Chloe spoke, focusing her full attention on her. “Oh! I forgot to mention, I’m the group’s manager. If you need anything to drink, help yourself to what’s in the fridge. Pizza will be here shortly.” She pointed to a small fridge in the corner.

Chloe wandered over and took out a bottle of water. There were both hard and soft drinks in it. Closing the fridge, she returned to her chair. The group was wrapping up their first song, with a lot of stop and go as they joked and teased each other.

Stepping away from the mic, Rachel came up to her. “Are you ready?”

Swallowing the water, Chloe looked up at her. Pushing aside any nervous thoughts, she smiled up at her friend. She’d already sang in front of several hundred people. What was six?

“Sure,” she said, and stood. Rachel led her over to the mic.

One of the other members had brought over a music stand which had several sheets of paper on it. “We’re going to play a few seconds of several songs to see what your range is, and how well you sing them,” Rachel explained as she positioned the music stand in front of Chloe. “Don’t worry, I already gave them songs you like. No Justin Bieber for you.” She flashed a big smile after that comment. Chloe relaxed at the tease.

For the next twenty minutes or so, they went through quite a few songs. Slow, fast, high, low, the songs worked her voice in a way she never had. Chloe found herself enjoying the practice. It wasn’t just the singing, it was being part of a punk group. Well, she wasn’t accepted yet, but it was close.

The group stopped playing after the first chorus of a song, letting the sound die away. “You do have a great voice,” Taiwo said. The other members murmured their agreement. “I’m just not hearing, nor seeing, what we experienced Sunday night.”

“What do you mean,” Chloe asked.

“What I mean is, I’m not convinced you should join the group. Rachel’s already a great singer. We don’t need two great lead singers. Your performance isn’t convincing me to replace her with you, no offense Rachel.”

While Taiwo spoke, Rachel looked away. Her body looked tense. “She’s right, Beth,” Rachel said when Taiwo stopped. “The way you sang Sunday is completely different than how you’re singing right now.” Turning, her eyes focused on Chloe. “What’s the difference?”

Pursing her lips, Chloe fiddled a bit with the mic stand. “Sunday,” she said hesitantly, “I was… singing for someone. Singing to someone.”

“Who,” Taiwo asked.

“My… girlfriend. She’s the reason Rachel dedicate that song to me.”

Glancing at Rachel, Taiwo said, “Do you think you could sing to her again?”

“The same song?”

“No. I want to make sure you can do the same thing with a different song. Do you have one in mind?”

Chloe winced and looked away. “Yeah… there’s one.” Her words were hesitant and soft.

“Well, let’s hear it.”

“It’s kind of sappy and poppish.”

“Girl, I don’t care if it’s Ave Maria as long as you’re able to reproduce what you did on Sunday.”

Nodding, Chloe drew a breath and said, “Ok. It’s Just Like Heaven by The Cure.”

Taiwo nodded appreciatively. “That’s not too bad. Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me is a pretty good album. I thought you were going to name a Taylor Swift song with the way you were hesitating.” She looked at Rachel and the others. “Do any of you know the song?”

A few of them indicated they did. The band huddled together to do some quick practice with the chords and notes they knew.

“Why that song,” Taiwo asked.

Scratching her head, Chloe said, “My dad used to play it and say that’s how mom was, just like heaven. But lately…well, it’s reminded me of my girlfriend, because at the end of the song you realize you’re all alone.”

“She left you, didn’t she?” Taiwo’s words were soft and warm. Chloe nodded. She toed the foot of the music stand. “That sucks. I’ve lost two, a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Each time I thought ‘this is the one,’ then one day it just doesn’t happen. I’m sorry you’re going through that. How long were you together?”

“Four months.”

“I’m not gonna tell you it gets better or anything like that. Just take one day at a time. Keep yourself with friends instead of pushing people away. At least that’s what helped me.”

“That’s… one of the reasons I’m here tonight. I spent enough time pushing everyone away. I… I need my friends.” Inside Chloe wondered why she was sharing these things with a complete stranger. Maybe it was Taiwo’s easy going nature?

Rachel came over to tell them the group was ready, cutting short any further conversation. “We’re gonna do it our style,” Rachel said. Chloe grinned and nodded.

The band began playing, hesitantly at first, then with more confidence as the song began coming together. Chloe had the mic stand in hand, her eyes closed. The music flowed around her, alive. It drew her in, becoming a part of her, and she a part of it.

At the right moment, she joined her voice to the song. Her voice slipped into the music, raw and vibrant. After the first verse, her opens opened, but she didn’t see the studio, the furniture, or even Taiwo in front of her, perched on the back of a chair.

No, she saw the private smile that only Max could give. Only it had tears trickling over the smile. When Chloe began singing the first chorus, Max opened her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes, and looked at her. Her brow was wrinkled in confusion.

_You, soft and only, You, lost and lonely_

Chloe’s whole being ached with the love and sadness she saw in Max’s eyes. Inside her, something welled up, mixing with the energy and the music.

_You, strange as angels_

Max sat like she was the other night: knees drawn up and arms curled around them. Her head was tilted, her gaze locked on Chloe. Tears slipped from her chin, falling to the floor.

_Dancing in the deepest oceans_

A hand unlocked, an arm extended toward her. Chloe’s own hand reached for Max, their fingers almost touching.

_Twisting in the water_

Their fingers touched and Chloe could swear there was heat and life and softness and everything you expect in a person in that touch!

_You’re just like a dream_

_You’re just like a dream_

“Damn, that’s impressive!”

Taiwo’s voice cut in and Max disappeared as quickly as she appeared. The band stopped playing and Chloe sagged against the mic stand. The energy that had coursed through her faded into the echoes of sound around them. She looked at her hand, the fingertips still tingling with the memory of a touch. What had that been?

Then Taiwo was slapping her on the shoulder, congratulating her on the performance. With unseeing eyes, Chloe looked at her. What was the woman saying?

“Hey, you did awesome,” Rachel said. Her soft voice cut through the thoughts swirling in Chloe’s head. “That was unreal.”

“Can you do another song,” Taiwo asked.

“Huh?”

“It’s great that you can do that with a love song. Although Just Like Heaven isn’t really a love song. We need to know if you can do it with another type of song.”

Chloe’s eyes focused then. Rachel was standing close, so was Taiwo. Their cheeks were both wet. Taiwo was still wiping at her eyes.

“Yeah…uh, maybe?”

Drying her hands on her jeans, Taiwo said, “Let’s try something by Brody Dalle, are you familiar with her?”

“Yeah, I have some songs by The Distillers in my playlist.”

Taiwo nodded. “A great group, but I want something that you could at least imagine singing to your girlfriend, or maybe with your girlfriend?” She raised one eyebrow as she asked the question.

A wry smile claimed Chloe’s mouth. “Nah, while Max would listen to my songs, and like some of them, groups like Bon Iver and Neutral Milk Hotel were more her liking.”

Taiwo stared at her a few moments. “Did you ever combine your playlists?”

“Yeah…the result was… interesting.”

A kind of smile played at Taiwo’s lips at that statement. “I bet,” she said light-heartedly. She flipped through several pages, stopping at a particular one.

Chloe glanced over Taiwo’s shoulder. The title at the top of the page read Dressed in Dreams. Pulling out her phone, she looked up the song on her streaming app.

“We play it a little faster than the studio version has it,” Taiwo told her. “Listen to it a few times while we practice it. When you’re ready, let us know.”

Chloe nodded then put her earbuds in and hit play. The song wasn’t what she expected. Not as fast as what the group played the other night. Brody’s deep, throaty voice gave the song extra life as it wove through and over the song.

She listened to it a couple of times, following the lyric sheet. A few verses she tried out in synch with the music. Chloe could imagine singing this song. Was Rachel using Taiwo to send a hidden message about not giving in? No, Rachel wasn’t that subtle, or at least not the type to work through a stranger when a friend was involved.

Still, the song paralleled some of her thoughts as of late.

Deciding two times were enough, she stopped the playback and pulled out the earbuds. Looking at Taiwo, she indicated she was ready. The group played through the first verse and chorus without her. That gave her the opportunity to learn the pace they set with the song. Taiwo was right, they played it much faster than the studio version. Chloe rather liked that.

After a few false starts, Chloe managed to get the pace of singing right. Learning a new song with a band was a completely new experience for her. It was both exciting and a bit boring with all the repetition. Rachel, Taiwo, and the others kept encouraging her though, so she didn’t give up.

She lost track of the number of times they practiced the song. It was long after they started and the pizzas had come and been devoured. Everyone was close to their limit for the night. Chloe and Rachel weren’t the only ones with day jobs. The band began playing for the umpteenth time, Chloe holding onto the mic stand, her head bent and almost touching the mic.

As before, the music flowed around her like the arms of a lover. It drew her in, becoming a part of her, and she a part of it. The words she sang wove into the song, fast and raw. It wasn’t a song she would sing to Max, but it was easily a song that she would sing for Max.

Her eyes were barely focused as she entered the first chorus. The world around her was a soft blur, with occasional sharp lines of focus.

_Never let yourself give in_

She wanted, no she needed Max to hear these words. Hear them and believe them. Just as she needed to believe them.

_When you’re trying to start again_

Each time she sang this, she pictured Max starting her life over and over and over. Resets bringing her life crashing down, wiping out whatever joy and happiness she’d built.

_Put on your dreams and let’s go_

Only now, Max was gone, and Chloe was the one who needed to move forward. The song and its meaning began changing as she sang. She was the one with the dream, a life Max could live with friends and happiness.

The song was one of hope, and she needed the hope right now. Her voice moved from asking, begging for belief in the words, to being belief itself. It strengthened as it became the song, breathing hope to life.

Chloe was no longer slumping against the mic stand, worn out from a long day of work and evening of practice. She was alive and a force in the room. She was the anthem for hope and dreams needing pursued.

Taking the mic from the stand she moved to Rachel’s side, holding the mic for an impromptu duet. Afterward, she moved to other members of the group, singing along side them and infusing them with her energy.

The air thrummed with the song and energy coursing through it. Collapsing to her knees, Chloe bent backwards over her legs, sending out the last words of the song.

The silence after the end was almost as powerful as the song she just sang. It stretched beyond moments into seconds before anyone broke it.

“Damn,” Taiwo whispered. “I think we have a winner here.”

Pushing herself upright, Chloe flicked sweat from her brow. Like Sunday, the song took all her energy, making each movement difficult. Standing, she shuffled to the stand and replaced the mic.

Fingers tapped her shoulder. Looking over her left shoulder, she found Rachel there, pointing ahead. “I didn’t know you had a sister,” Rachel said.

Looking in the indicated direction, Chloe froze. She couldn’t believe what she saw. Or who she saw, rather.

Swaggering toward her in ripped jeans and death’s head t-shirt strode someone who was all too familiar. A pounding sounded in Chloe’s ears and it became difficult to draw a breath. It was like something had grabbed tight hold of her chest. She stumbled backwards from the weakness and strain within. The person approaching didn’t so much as flick an eye over the other people present. Her piercing blue eyes stayed focused on Chloe.

Stopping a few inches away, the cyan-haired new comer looked Chloe up and down. The short and spiky hair drew the eye, as did the beautiful tattoos on each arm.

Standing before her, Chloe suddenly realized why it had been so difficult for Max to move on. The presence the woman exuded was palpable. It pressed against the mind and skin like an irreconcilable force, like something alive. Chloe swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry as she looked into the eyes of Max’s Captain.

A smile played around the Captain’s lips. “We need to talk.”


	29. Chapter 29

“Uh, sure,” Chloe mumbled.

The other Chloe turned and walked toward the door. Chloe hurried to catchup. The weakness of a few minutes ago still dragged at her, but she ignored it. She watched the Captain walk. The woman was confident and owned the space she occupied. Her insides clenched and sank as she watched. How could she compare to this… natural force?

Outside, the Captain walked a few feet to the side of the door and stopped. The dim streetlights gave her hair an odd color, casting strange shadows with its spikes.

Leaning against the wall, Captain Chloe looked at Chloe for a long minute. “You got hella presence, girl,” the Captain said. Chloe’s jaw dropped. The Captain kept speaking, ignoring her reaction.

“Before Max… did her thing, I caught glimpses of you. It’s fucking weird watching someone that looks and acts like you, but isn’t you.”

She paused, considering the dirty sidewalk a few seconds before returning her gaze to Chloe. “What’s going on is fucking strange and I have no answers. Not a clue what’s really going on.

“I do know that the few seconds I heard you sing were amazing. Whatever you’re practicing for, you’re gonna nail it.” Other Chloe straightened up and pushed away from the wall. A strange sensation touched Chloe’s mind. Receiving a compliment from a version of herself was certainly weird.

“You don’t smoke, do you? It’s been ages since I had a cigarette, and I could really use one right now.”

Chloe shook her head no and dug her hands into her pockets. “The only thing I smoke, I don’t carry on me.” A huge grin spread across other Chloe’s face. “I’m with you on this being hella strange,” Chloe said, “That’s something I came to accept after dating Max for a few weeks.”

Captain Chloe nodded and stepped up to a light pole. Holding onto it, she leaned over the street. “I’ll get to the point because I don’t know how long I have. You need to stop Max before she removes herself from existence.”

Chloe’s cursing interrupted her and the Captain pulled back until she stood upright. “You guessed that’s what she’s doing, didn’t you,” she asked. Before Chloe could respond, she moved on. “That’s how she prevented my… her… our, our death and Arcadia Bay’s destruction many timelines ago.”

“How do I stop her? Fuck, I don’t even know where she is! Until a few days ago, I thought she was dead or gone completely.” Chloe’s voice broke on the last few words. Shuddering ran up her body as she spoke those words and she had to fight hard to keep tears contained.

A hand touched her shoulder, and she looked up at herself. Damn, the look Captain Chloe gave her was heart wrenching. Is that how she looked?

“She gave and gave and gave of herself, never accepting death as the answer,” the Captain whispered. “We never got to see this side of it. The part where she grieved for every reset.”

“Fuck this,” Chloe hissed through a tightened throat. “If this is how she felt each time, fuck all of it! She doesn’t deserve it any more than I-we do!”

“Ain’t that the truth, sista! Which is why she never gave up.”

“Until she did!”

“Nah, she got what she wanted. Us and Arcadia fucking Bay are alive! But that’s not why I’m here. She needs to know that her happiness is just as important, that she’s just as important!

“I don’t know how to explain where she is. What I do know is you can bring her back. It’s how I got here.”

“What do you mean I can bring her back?”

Other Chloe heaved a sigh. “Most of what I have are guesses. When Max made her choice, her original choice, she did something to time. She broke it or something. Whatever she did was real bad. I caught a glimpse of something a few times. I don’t know how to describe it, other than a horrible sense of wrongness.

“Now, whenever she resets time, it makes the problem worse. Did she tell you the storm was after her and it was all her fault?”

Chloe nodded. “Before she… did whatever she did, she told me she was wrong about the storm. That it was after her, not me.”

“That’s not exactly true. She told me the same thing.” Captain Chloe pushed away from the light pole, took a few steps and peered into the darkness beyond the ring of light.

“She doesn’t know either. Most of what she does is just guesswork.” Captain Chloe was whispering now. Chloe stepped to her side to hear her. “We were together long enough for her to tell me a lot. That’s what I’m basing my guesses on. She’s been doing this so long… protecting us is her first instinct. She doesn’t mean to hurt us, by shutting us out and not telling us everything. She shoulders it all herself, she feels…trapped, responsible, like the guilty party. Though I don’t think she realizes it.”

She looked again at Chloe, her focus steady and calm. “I believe it’s the two of us together that bring the disaster. Max, with whatever she did, is a big part of it. That doesn’t explain the original reason for the storm which is why I think it’s both of us together that cause it.

“You have a power of your own, Chloe. I think all of us Chloe’s have this power. As far as I know, you are the only one to discover it. She never spoke about Chloe’s prior to me having abilities-”

“Wait! Max told you about other Chloe’s?” It was hard to keep the incredulity and pain from her voice. She winced as the words came out.

Captain Chloe studied her face, eyes flicking back and forth between hers. “We were together three years. We shared a lot. And I hate to say it this way, but your Max is different than the girl I knew.”

“Fuck… fuck you!” It’s what she knew, but hated to think about. Even Max had told her she’d been more hopeful, more optimistic before marrying Chloe. More innocent. Those thoughts stabbed her.

“Glad to see we haven’t changed over who knows how many resets.”

Chloe glared at her. It didn’t change reality though. It didn’t even make her feel better. Several minutes passed before she relaxed and her glare wilted. “This doesn’t matter,” she muttered. “Helping Max. That is what matters!”

Other Chloe nodded. “So what is this about my having a power?” Chloe could not keep the scorn from her voice.

Ignoring it, the other Chloe said, “Somehow you pulled me from my existence to here.”

Her words made Chloe step away. “How do you know it was me?”

“Don’t doubt yourself,” Captain Chloe said. “I know it was you.”

“How?” Chloe’s voice was hoarse as she tried to absorb the information.

The other Chloe was silent a while, mulling over the question. “From what I can tell, my timeline, all the former timelines, exist yet don’t exist. Each is a paradox that attached to Max somehow. Sometimes I’d catch glimpses of her life, usually in moments of intense emotion. I speculate it’s linked to whatever she did to time.

“A while ago something about Max, or time, or her power, changed. Suddenly, Chloe’s from dead timelines could periodically move from where ever we existed into Max’s world. Her thoughts also seeped into our existences. We learned what she planned and tried to talk her out of it.”

Captain Chloe stepped close to her, right into her personal space. “We also learned just how deeply she loves us… loves you. She may be misguided, broken by grief we can’t even imagine. But the love she has for us… no! The love she has for YOU is fucking amazing!

“Many times she argued with herself, convincing herself to believe in you. To hope like you did. She’d be on the brink of a very dark place, then you’d show up and her world would brighten. Literally, like turning on a light in a room. Her one thought was to bring you happiness.

“After she… did what she did everything went back to how it was. A weird state of nonexistence. The closest I can liken it to is sleep. We aren’t aware of anything. Then, a few minutes ago you burst into my existence, a bright star blazing white and blue. You were singing, I heard your voice. I reached for you and found myself here.”

The presence of the other Chloe pressed against her. Unlike before, it was no longer intimidating. Rather, it was welcome, like comfortable clothes. Chloe took in what the Captain had to say. Her guesses about time and Max. Her speculation about Chloe having power. All guesswork.

Her statement that Max had a profound love, not for all Chloes, but for her. Her mind and heart grappled with that notion, wanting to both believe it and reject it. There was one thing she knew; one thing she could clarify.

“Her memories of you,” Chloe breathed.

“What was that?”

Looking at the other, Chloe said, “Last November I took Max home, to Arcadia Bay. I wanted her to meet mom and dad. While we were there, Max started… changing. One night she disappeared. When I found her at the lighthouse, I experienced memories of her time…with you. She was never the same after that.”

Chloe fell silent. She kicked a small rock down the sidewalk. In the distance was the sound of night life. Portland was large enough for there to be people out into early morning. With hands in her pockets, she thought about what she just learned. Stepping toward the streetlight, she leaned against the pole. Like the Captain did a few minutes prior.

“She never recovered from losing you,” she whispered. “She suppressed all her memories of her life with you. After you… every time she encountered a Chloe, she said she’d immediately reset. She told me she reset 72 times, but I suspect it was more than that.

“If not for my friend Steph, she likely would have reset this timeline also. Max was so lonely and… broken I guess is the right word. Steph saw that and befriended her. After a few days, Max and I met, and it was like discovering something I’d been missing.

“Max told me once about having a Chloe-shaped hole in her heart. I suspect, for whatever reason, there was a Max-shaped hole in my life. Maybe that’s part of what she meant about her choice not being complete. That until she finished… removing herself? That I’d always have that sense of something missing.”

Chloe turned to look at her double, but no one was there. She glanced around, but she was the only one on the sidewalk. A sinking sensation filled her middle as she walked and peered into the nearby alley. No one. The Captain was gone.

Her fingers picked at the brick of the building. Another connection to Max gone. The sinking sensation transformed into a mixture of emotions. “Chloe,” she said to herself, “You gotta pull yourself together here. She said I brought her here. That means if I can figure out what I’m doing, I might be able to bring Max home.”

Latching onto that hopeful thought, she returned to the door. Taking one more glance around the empty sidewalk, she opened the door and went inside.

The others were packing up. Rachel already had her guitar in its case and was sitting on the couch. Chloe walked up to her, thumbs hooked into her pockets.

“Where’d your sister go,” Rachel asked.

“She uh had to get home,” Chloe said. She decided now was not the time to explain the truth to Rachel. “I’m ready if you are.”

“We can’t go until you talk to Taiwo.”

At that moment, Taiwo appeared at Chloe’s side. “You proved tonight that Sunday wasn’t a fluke,” she said, her voice bright and cheery. “While you were talking to your sister, the band and I spoke…and took a vote. We’d like you to join the group.”

From somewhere Taiwo produced some papers. “Here is the standard contract, which outlines not only terms of payment and ownership but also your obligations. Take some time to read it over.

“I’ll let you know now, we have another gig this Friday. If you want to be part of it, you’ll need to sign and return the contract before you can perform with us. That means you can bring the signed contract to the gig, if you need that much time.”

Slowly, Chloe reached out and took the papers from Taiwo. She could be in a band! The excitement layered on top of the other emotions in her, leaving her rather confused and disconnected. It was like her head was floating high above, while her heart and soul languished on the ground.

“Now it’s time to go,” Rachel said with a yawn. “I suggest you wait until morning to read that thing. Unless you’re having trouble sleeping. It can help with that.”

Rachel lightly jostled Chloe’s elbow as she made her way to the door. Saying goodbye to Taiwo and the others, Chloe followed her. Rolling the papers, she held them in one hand. Her mind still whirled with everything that happened in the last few minutes.

They drove in silence a while, each girl lost in her own thoughts. “How was your sister,” Rachel asked.

Turning her attention to Rachel, Chloe debated what to say. “She’s not my sister,” she finally answered.

Rachel stayed silent for a few awkward moments. “Is this…,” she began, her words hesitant, “something I forgot?”

“Yeah.” Chloe offered no other explanation. She gazed out the side window, lost in frustration and sadness and hope.

“I’m sorry,” Rachel breathed, “that I forgot about someone who you care so much about.”

Shrugging, Chloe said, “it wasn’t your fault, Rach, you know? It’s gonna happen to everyone… even me, eventually.” There it was, the blackness she’d been avoiding. Sinking into the seat, Chloe tried to focus her mind on other things.

An uncomfortable silence lasted until they reached home. Chloe’s fingers fiddled with the rolled contract along the way. Her mind kept dissecting what the other Chloe told her and trying to piece things together.

Walking into the apartment, Rachel greeted Steph with a kiss, then disappeared down the hall. Chloe plopped onto the futon opposite Steph.

Tapping the rolled papers against her palm, she asked, “What did you do tonight?”

“Worked on the game,” Steph said matter-of-factly.

“Shit,” Chloe said. “I haven’t thought of our project since-”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Steph broke in. “Don’t second guess yourself, or beat yourself up over this. You had a great time tonight. Focus on that. Besides, I spent my time redoing a lot of the sound and fixing some lighting issues.”

Closing her laptop, Steph set it to the side. “I can’t tell if you’re happy, sad, confused, or something else. What happened tonight?”

“The good news is the group wants me to join them as lead singer.” Chloe paused, looking briefly at her knees before returning her gaze to Steph. When she spoke again her voice was barely above a whisper. “I’m a bit worried about that. Rachel tells me she’s ok with stepping back and playing only guitar, but that doesn’t really seem like her. I’m worried there’s something there she’s not sharing with me.”

Steph nodded. “The simplest answer is you were amazing Sunday night. Sure, she likes the spotlight and is a good singer in her own right. You left her stunned after that performance. She covers it well, but you really shook her with how you took the group and the audience and made them your own. She’s never had someone do that with her audience before.”

After a brief pause, Steph said softly, “I’ll talk to her about it. Make certain there’s nothing else.”

“Thanks,” Chloe said, a little relief tinting her voice. “As long as the contract is ok, and it won’t cause a problem between Rachel and I, or you and her, I think I’ll accept the offer. It’s kind of a childhood dream coming true.”

Her words should have been happy, ecstatic even. Steph knew being in a music group was something she’d wanted since mid-teens. That’s not who she wanted to share the announcement with though. Nor even this conversation. The last few days she had returned to open, honest conversations she and Steph used to have. Like conversations she and Max used to have. It made her sad and uncomfortable.

“There was also something-”

Rachel came into the room then, dressed in her jammies. Moving the laptop to a side table, she sat next to Steph. Slipping an arm around Steph’s waist, she pulled her close.

“Did you tell Steph about your ‘sister’ visiting tonight,” Rachel asked. She had an impish smile on her face as she spoke.

“Sister,” Steph asked. “You don’t have a sister!”

Sighing, Chloe placed the contract on the seat next to her. “It wasn’t my sister… it was Max’s wife.”

“What! How?” Both girls looked at her with astonishment. Rachel’s look seemed more intense.

Pausing a moment, Chloe looked at the two. Steph cuddled against Rachel’s side, her face radiating concern. They had each other. Something sharp ran through her and she had to turn her eyes away. “She told me… she told me I brought her here.”

Chloe told Steph about the night’s events, starting from the beginning. While she spoke, Rachel began lightly stroking Steph’s arm, stealing her full attention away from Chloe. She ended the story when the other Chloe showed up. The conversation outside was something she was still trying to understand.

“You’ve had quite the evening,” Steph said, her eyes flicking between Chloe and Rachel. Rachel’s hand was now on Steph’s thigh.

“The thing is,” Chloe said, ignoring what the two were doing. She’d have to leave soon. “She gave me an idea on how to help Max.”

“Who,” Steph said, as she turned her head and planted a quick kiss on Rachel’s cheek.

That single word, so simple, so harmless, stopped any further explanation from Chloe. Everything drained away, leaving her with nothing. She stared at Steph, not quite believing what she heard, yet believing it so much she wanted to scream!

“M-Max.” Chloe’s answer was equally soft, yet filled with a desperate need for recognition.

“Who-”

Rachel interrupted Steph’s question. Her hand had left Steph’s thigh, coming up to place a finger on her lips. “Max is Chloe’s girlfriend,”she said. “Don’t you remember?”

Steph shook her head, each motion sending jolts of icy pain through Chloe. “Not you, not now,” Chloe protested. Her voice was ragged, bereft of life and hope. Her sight became blurry as she leaped to her feet and ran through the apartment. Careening off the wall, she made her way to her bedroom and slammed the door.

She found herself on her bed, on hands and knees. She gasped for air that wouldn’t come, or if it did come, wouldn’t stay in her body. Falling forward, she struggled to roll over, her body fighting for air the entire time. Over and over her mind kept repeating what just happened.

Dimly, she heard a tapping at her door. “What,” she croaked, air still a challenge for her.

“Can we talk,” came Steph’s muffled question.

“I…,” Chloe began an answer but couldn’t complete it. She sat up, gripping her head. How long until she forgot? Rachel, her boss, her dad had lost their memories of Max on Monday. Steph lost hers today. Did that mean… did that mean she would lose hers on Friday?

Sinking back into the bed with a sob, she covered her face. Her bed jostled causing her to move one of her hands. Steph sat next to her. She was looking down at her hands. In the doorway stood Rachel.

“I… I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now,” Steph said softly. “All I can say is… I’m sorry this is happening. It fucking sucks… it’s like rolling a one for every decision.”

From the doorway, Rachel said, “I told her everything I knew. It’s ok to be mad, or sad, or whatever you’re feeling.”

Steph turned to look at Chloe. “How are you? What are you feeling?”

Covering her face again, Chloe resisted the urge to get up and do something. The temptation was powerful. Her hands wanted to slam into things, or throw things.

“I-I want to cry and scream,” she said in shuddering breaths. “It’s like… it’s like the world is being ripped from under my feet. I’m becoming a stranger to my friends.” Her hands fell away, and she sat up, turning away from her friends.

Hunched over, eyes focused on the floor, she said, “It’s gonna happen to me as well. One day, soon, I won’t know who Max is. What she means to me. Nothing.”

Steph moved to kneel on the floor near her. Rachel joined her. Steph cautiously reached out a hand. When Chloe nodded, she placed her hand on Chloe’s knee. “How can we help you?”

Shaking her head, Chloe bitterly said, “I don’t know. Just fucking wait until I join you. Then you don’t have to worry about it!”

Silence greeted her harsh words. Neither Steph nor Rachel shied away from her. After a period of silence, Steph softly said, “You said you may have a way to help Max?” The way she said Max’s name, like she was testing it for the first time.

“Kind of. I think… I think I have…” Her words disappeared, like smoke in the wind. The thoughts and emotions churning within were eating her mind and soul. Silence. That’s what she needed right now. Silence and time to think.

“I can’t talk about it now,” she said, giving Steph and Rachel a quick glance. “I… I just need to think.”

“Is it ok if we sit with you?”

At her nod, Steph moved to the other side of Chloe. Placing her back against the bed, she sat close to her. Rachel did the same on the other side. The three sat in silence. Rachel began texting someone, probably Steph. That was ok. Chloe appreciated their company and silence while her mind tried to pull itself out of the mire.

They sat that way a long time. Chloe kept her eyes closed for most of it, trying to bring some element of control or calmness to herself. That was something Max had been great at. The number of times she saw Max be on the edge of something dark, then pull herself back somehow, she counted begin to count. Right now she wished she knew how Max did it.

When it seemed her emotions were calm, she reached down and took each girls’ hand. “Thank you,” she said, giving each hand a squeeze. They looked up at her and smiled. The three stood and returned to the living room. Grabbing the contract off the couch, Chloe told the two goodnight and returned to her room.

Back in her room, she set the papers on her dresser, then looked at her messy room. She hadn’t cleaned it since she had her fit the other day and stuff was still strewn everywhere. It was late, and she didn’t want to clean her room tonight. Everything that happened tonight weighed her down.

Changing into her jammies, she got ready for bed, turned off the light, then sat on her bed with her back against the wall. The other Chloe had said she’d been able to come here because of her. Her gaze fell upon her hand, the one that for a moment touched the vision of Max.

When she sang… her mind was trying to make a connection here, but it was too tired to reach a conclusion. Plus, other things Chloe told her distracted her mind. Had Max known that Chloe was also responsible for the storm? If so, why claim full responsibility for herself?

“I want you to live.” That’s a conclusion her mind could make. Max didn’t want Chloe to blame herself for what was happening. It was an effort to remove that worry and guilt from her. But… no, her mind was too tired to go down that line right now.

Slipping under the covers, Chloe sank her head in the soft pillow and closed her eyes.

It was rather bright in her room. Too bright as Chloe blinked her eyes awake. Rolling over with a groan, she picked up her phone and looked at it. With a curse she leaped from the bed. She had overslept!

Dashing about the room, she practically ripped her pajamas and underwear off. She didn’t have time for a shower this morning. Jumping into clean clothes, she brushed her teeth then put on her boots. Stuffing her phone and earbuds into her pocket, she ran to the front room.

Steph was lounging on the futon, laptop on her lap. She opened her mouth to say something, but Chloe cut her off. “Sorry, can’t talk. Have to get to work!” She grabbed her pack and zoomed out the door. She barely remembered to lock it behind her as she ran down the stairs.

She made it to the bus stop just as the bus pulled up to the hut. Leaping up its stairs, she scanned her card and found a seat. Putting her earbuds in, she turned on her music and leaned against the window. On the way home last night, she had created a playlist of the band’s current set. She needed to be very familiar with the songs before tomorrow night.

Now that she had a moment to relax, her mind went back to last nights’ weirdness. Other Chloe. Having a power. Pulling other Chloe from another existence. Her rested mind began sorting all the pieces, putting them together.

Music from her phone helped her make the connection. When she had sang the last song last night, her thoughts had been on how she needed hope like the lyrics had. There were three occasions where singing had awakened something within her.

It was a sensation she couldn’t describe. No, that was wrong. It was like licking the terminals of a nine volt battery. A slight shocking tingle that pervaded her entire body. When that happened, she transformed, flowing with the music in a way that was otherworldly.

Other Chloe had said she’d appeared in her world in a blaze, looking like she was singing. When her fingers had brushed Max’s during Just Like Heaven, she swore she had actually touched her.

Her stop came, and she hurried off the bus. Pushing the thoughts to the back of her mind, she entered the building and headed straight to the coffee shop. Minutes later she got on the elevator, a coffee and pastry in hand.

With all these things occupying her mind, her day went rather quickly.If singing unlocked her power, how did Max unlock hers? Strike that. That wasn’t important. How to help Max, that was important.

The reminder that Steph lost her memories of Max last night sent icy spears through her. That would happen to her, soon. Chloe living and being happy had been so important to Max she sacrificed everything. Even when Chloe didn’t want her to.

Before she knew it, quitting time arrived. Locking her computer, she put it to sleep than stood. Pack in hand she turned to go. Her boss was standing to the side watching her.

“You seem more relaxed today,” he said as she walked toward him. The hall to the lobby was behind him.

“I think I’ve figured some things out,” she said nonchalantly.

He nodded. “Good. I hope it helps. Long term.”

She gave him a little smile and wave, then walked to the elevators. Her mind immediately returned to the huge ball of mystery she was working through. An urgency laid hold of her. It was Thursday night. If there was a pattern, she could expect to lose her memories in twenty-four hours or so. That thought dragged her back into darkness.

Slamming the apartment door closed, she grunted and waved a greeting at Steph then stomped to her bedroom. Grabbing the contract off her dresser, she took out a pen and skimmed the contract. Reading a contract in her condition was not very smart. If her guesses were right, she needed to be in the group! She had to be part of the show tomorrow night.

She blindly initialed each spot, then signed and dated the section at the end. Setting the pen down on the contract, she backed away from it. She couldn’t stay here, doing nothing. The anxiety about potentially losing her memories of Max would drive her to do something she’d regret.

Changing from work clothes into casual clothes, she went to the front room. Rachel was home now, and she sat on a futon, playing a video game. “I’m uh, headed out. Gonna get something to eat, and do some other things,” she said as she stood awkwardly near the front door.

Steph closed her laptop and stood up. “Chloe, let us go with you.”

“Nah-”

“Chloe, please,” Steph said, touching her arm. “I can guess what you’re thinking. You shouldn’t be alone. Not tonight. Nor tomorrow night.”

Steph looked up at her, face so filled with worry it drove other thoughts from Chloe’s mind. Rachel was also standing, the game on pause. Pushing back the impulse to refuse and walk away, Chloe nodded. “OK, you can come too.”

Smiling at her response, Steph rushed from the room to get ready. Rachel turned off the game and walked over. “She’s still upset about losing her memories of Max,” she said. “What ever happened after you came home rather disturbed her. I think doing something together will help her as well.”

Nothing had happened when she came home, though. Just slamming of doors and stomping of her feet. But, then that’s all Steph would need. Especially after losing her memories of Max last night.

Within five minutes, Steph had returned, and they left. Rachel drove them to a local bar where they played pool the rest of the evening. What Chloe found the most satisfying was shutting down all the men, and a few women, who came onto them. Between that, the pool, joking with her friends, and a couple of drinks she was able to keep the anxiety about Max from overwhelming her.

It never went away though. Rather, it lurked at the edges of awareness, ready to pounce on her in a moment of doubt. That moment didn’t come until she was in bed. The silence of the room couldn’t keep that thought away. Being the last person to remember Max, truly remember her, sucked!

Shutting her eyes tightly, squeezing out the few traitorous tears that wouldn’t obey, she willed herself to sleep.

The next morning, as if in response to Thursday, she woke up very early. 6 AM early. Her mind had latched onto something in a dream which woke her. If her power manifested because of singing, then tonight would be her opportunity to bring back Max. Perhaps her only opportunity.

The logical part of her mind rebelled against this guesswork. The only proof she had was Captain Chloe. For all she knew though, her visit was some part of Max’s power that none of them had realized.

The part of her that wanted to hope and believe and see Max again, warred with that logical part. What harm could there be in testing the idea? Isn’t that the basis of science? Form the hypothesis, create your experiment and test it?

What song would you sing to bring back your girlfriend from some unknown place, or dimension? What song could capture what Chloe was feeling and create the bridge between them?

She already knew the song, because it was what her mind had attached to in her dream. When had she last heard the song? She remembered listening to it again after playing that video game.

Looking at the ceiling she sifted through her memories. It had been a game about a college girl trying to figure out where her family was. The memories and lyrics came to her in a flash. The lyrics were a two-edged sword and seemed to describe their complicated relationship rather well.

Dragging herself from bed, Chloe reminded herself it would only work if the band already knew the song. After using the bathroom, shesplashed water on her face. She looked at herself in the mirror as she dried herself. Her eyes widened as she realized she had missed her hair appointment! There was no way she could cram an appointment in now!

Groaning, she debated whether she could do a quick touch-up between work and the show. Fingering the long blond gap, she doubted it. Either go as stripe girl, or wear a hat. Looking again at the blond and blue, she decided on her beanie.

Leaving her room, she wandered into the kitchen. As usual, Steph was already up and making coffee. Grabbing her mug from the cupboard, she stood next to Steph, waiting for the brew to finish.

“How are you,” Steph asked as she stretched her arms.

“Unfortunately, rather wide awake,” Chloe said, imitating Steph’s stretch. “And filled with ideas.”

“I mean,” Steph said, pausing and looking at her. “How are you with… Max removing her memories from me?”

Putting the mug on the counter, Chloe stepped away. Gripping the edge of the sink, she bowed, pulling backwards to stretch her arms and back. That also gave her time to put thoughts into words. “It fucking sucks,” she said as she stood. “And it scares me shitless. I’m scared that I won’t find a way to help her before…”

Letting her words trail into silence, she turned and hopped up to sit on the counter. “I have a plan to fix that… but I don’t know if it will work. I don’t know if I can do it before… before my memories are gone also.”

Pulling out the carafe filled with fresh, steaming coffee, Steph poured herself a mug. “What’s your plan?” She poured coffee into Chloe’s mug as well and handed it to her.

While she sipped the coffee, she told Steph about what other Chloe had told her Wednesday. Partway through, Steph put her mug down and focused completely on her. Chloe concluded with the thoughts and ideas she’d had upon waking up.

“Well,” Steph said after a brief pause. “I agree with the logical part of you and think your experiment is a great idea. I wonder though, if your experiment works and you’re able to bring Max back, what will that mean for the storm?”

“I don’t know. I suppose… I suppose it will come back. Whether it comes back tonight or later, I don’t know.”

“And if it comes back, will Max try to stop it again?”

Chloe growled. “Enough with the ‘what ifs’,” she hissed, then paused. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t-”

“Chloe,” Steph interrupted. “You’re dealing with a lot of unknowns. Frustration is only the smallest part of what you must be dealing with.” She laid her hand carefully on Chloe’s forearm. “Making you more frustrated and depressed is not what I want. Some of these questions we need to face, to be prepared for. Finding answers is not my intent. Being ready so Rachel and I can give you the support you need, that’s what I want.”

Closing her eyes, Chloe focused on what Steph said. It made a lot of sense. Right now and tonight, she’d need her friends more than ever. She cursed herself for leaving them out of her life for months. Not just after Max left, but before. When Max needed so much support, Chloe had thought she could handle it by herself. Looking back, she had fucked things up worse because no one had taken care of her.

Opening her eyes, she gave Steph a smile. Steph smiled in return, then went back to her coffee. “Thanks,” Chloe said. “Right now, I don’t need more talk about this. Talk is feeding my fear more than my hope. I need action and focus. Focus on my plan.”

At that moment, Rachel poked her head into the room. Her hair was a mess, making it obvious she hadn’t taken her shower yet. She shuffled into the kitchen and Steph poured her a cup of coffee.

Giving Rachel a few moments for the coffee to wake her up, Chloe downed the rest of hers. Tonight had to work, it just had to! If it didn’t… each moment was a risk that her memories of Max would disappear. If that happened… sure Steph and Rachel would remind her of Max, but she’d seen how well that worked for those two.

They had lost the connection to Max. They didn’t speak of her with the same enthusiasm and spark as before. Max was a stranger to them now. It was like speaking about someone in a book you hadn’t read. If it wasn’t for Chloe, they wouldn’t even speak of her or know her. Steph’s concern for Chloe was real. The concern in her voice for Max didn’t seem genuine, although she tried.

Ugh, she couldn’t think of that right now! Focus on her plan, focus on tonight! “Hey Rach,” she said, wincing inside as she heard the gravel in her voice. “Let’s talk about tonight.”

Rachel’s eyes lit up over the rim of the coffee mug. “Does that mean you’re accepting the offer to join the group?”

“Yes, that means I’m accepting the offer.” Chloe’s smile was reflected in her voice. “I have a question.” Quickly, she outlined her idea, including the song she wanted to use.

Rachel snorted at the end. “That song was part of the band’s set about six months ago. I doubt anyone will object to bringing it back for one night. We still play the song during rehearsals. Let me check with the group though before you get too excited.”

Chloe had started shaking and flicking her fingers exciteedly when Rachel said the band used to play the song. Catching herself, she turned aside to hide her face. She hadn’t done that finger thing for a while, not since her mid-teens. Damn, her face was hot!

“Make it the fourth song of the set,” Chloe said. Her voice sounded distant in her ears. She sipped some coffee.

Chloe heard Rachel set down her coffee mug. Peeking over her shoulder, Rachel had dug her phone out and was texting. By the time Chloe finished her second cup, Rachel had heard back from everyone. “No one objects. Send a picture of the signed contract to Taiwo,” Rachel said, “that was the only question she had.”

Chloe leaned against the cupboard. Her body was suddenly weak, loose, threatening to topple her to the floor. Her hands weren’t much better as they gripped the counter. The confirmation her experiment would happen tonight had removed tension she didn’t realize she’d had. It was going to happen!

From there, their talk turned to regular chat. Rachel gave Chloe contact info for Taiwo and the band members. They figured out how travel arrangements for tonight’s show would happen, and then Rachel and Chloe went to shower and get ready for work.

In her bedroom, Chloe took pictures of the signed contract and sent them to Taiwo. After that, she showered and got dressed for work. She also packed a bag for tonight’s show. Taking it to the front room, she set it by the door. Since Chloe had more flexibility with work, the plan was for her to come home early, then take herself and Steph to the venue.

Bag ready, she quickly prepared breakfast for the three of them. Rachel and Chloe ate fast, then washed the dishes. After which, they said goodbye to Steph and left for work.

During the morning, Chloe and Rachel traded texts. Tonight would be the first gig by the band with Chloe as member. Fans were used to Rachel being front woman. How they introduced Chloe to them was important. The venue was not the same as Sunday, in fact it was bigger. They could count on some of those from Sunday being present. Even then, changing the bands lineup was tricky.

When Rachel joined, it was an easy transition. The former lead singer had life-changing events requiring her to step away from the band. The first couple of shows Rachel played with the group were charity shows for the former singer and her family. The former singer had joined the first show to say goodbye and hand the mic over to Rachel.

Chloe and Rachel decided to do something similar. Chloe would walk on stage with the band, Rachel would do the typical greeting then introduce Chloe as the newest member. The first song they would sing as a duet, with Rachel singing first verse, Chloe singing second verse, and both doing chorus, the bridge, and the final verse.

Anticipation coursed through Chloe, like she’d had early in her relationship with Max. Her body thrummed with its energy as she looked forward to the show. The energy gave her increased enthusiasm for work and she tore into her assignments eagerly.

Completing a unit test, bringing the code coverage beyond company standard, Chloe checked her work in, then stretched her arms. She tried to do little exercises regularly to prevent problems with her wrists or posture. In the middle of the stretch, she spied movement in the corner of her eye.

Turning, she saw a blue butterfly flit through the air. The sight swept away all her thoughts and enthusiasm. It didn’t care. It flew in its haphazard path to land on one of her monitors. Chloe glared at it, sitting there opening and closing its wings.

Ignoring it, she stood and stretched, then decided to get some coffee. She wandered into the lobby and pressed the down button. A blue butterfly rested on the trash can next to the elevator door.

Finally, the elevator came and Chloe ran inside. Hitting the button for the ground floor, she stabbed the close door button rapidly. On their own schedule, the doors slid shut. The butterfly was still on the trash can, outside! Chloe pumped her arm in triumph. Then stopped. A butterfly was sitting on the wall.

Why? Why had they disappeared for several days? Why were they visiting her in the first place? She tried swatting at it, but the creature dodged her efforts. She didn’t really want to hurt it. Seeing the bug made her think of Max. That made her wonder when she’d forget.

The elevator dinged, the doors slid open, and she exited the elevator.

“Whoa,” said one of the guys waiting after the elevator. “How’d a butterfly get in here?”

She froze for a moment as his words sank in. He could see it! Spinning around, she grabbed his shirt before he could get on the elevator. “What did you say,” she demanded.

“H-how’d a b-butterfly g-get in here?” His words tumble and fell over each other. Her glare and grip on his shirt made him try to step away, but he couldn’t.

Letting him go, she smoothed his shirt. “Sorry,” she said, and turned away. The butterfly was waiting for her. She stomped toward the cafe. Behind her, the guy made some sexist remark under his breath, which she ignored.

The girl at the cafe counter watched Chloe approach. Her eyes got bigger and bigger, the closer Chloe got. Before Chloe could order, the girl said, “Did you know you have a butterfly following you?”

Great, everyone could see it! “Yeah, weird isn’t it,” Chloe said a little gruffly. She placed her order, paid, then stepped to the waiting area. Other people were looking at her now. Turning, she saw the butterfly had a friend.

By the time she returned to her desk, there were four butterflies following her. Ignoring them the best she could, she drank her coffee and tried to get her mind focused. Grab the next assignment. Think about tonight. Ignore the little blue bugs.

Amazingly, she was able to ignore them. Her mind slipped easily back into coding and she soon found herself in a state of flow.

Lunch came and went. So did the butterflies. There was always at least one butterfly around her at all times. Even in the restroom. Three o’clock neared, and she contemplated asking her boss whether she could go home early. Finishing her latest task, she checked in the code and stood up.

The butterflies came with her as she went to her boss’s office and knocked on the door. He waved her in. “Hey boss man,” she said once inside. “I was wondering if I could leave early today. I’ve cleared out the bug queue and verified the builds pass all tests.”

He nodded and said, “It’s great to see you back to yourself, Beth. I have one question: what’s with the butterflies?”

“Hell if I know, boss,” she replied. He raised one eyebrow at that response. “Seriously,” she continued, “they showed up when I went to get coffee this morning and haven’t left.”

Looking at her several long moments, the hint of a smile came to him. “Maybe they think you’re a flower,” he said. He couldn’t keep the humor out of his voice.

Groaning, Chloe said, “Can I go?”

With a chuckle, he gave her permission. She waved at him and left his office. Chloe could barely repress the urge to bounce as she walked back to her desk. Shutting down her computer, she grabbed her pack and headed out.

Getting back to the apartment took the longest. In just a few short hours, she’d be singing in front of who knows how many people. More nerve-wracking was what she hoped would happen. Her feet tapped their own rhythm as the butterflies flitted about her. People on the bus gave her strange looks that she ignored. Time crawled as the bus went from stop to stop.

After an agonizingly slow trip, she reached her stop and flew off the bus. Butterflies streamed behind her as she run. A few people shouted at her as she ran past. Stopping only long enough to turn and give them the finger, she kept sprinting. The complex was about a five-minute walk from the stop and she made it in two.

Hurrying up the stairs, she unlocked the door and entered the apartment. “Home,” she yelled as she ran toward her bedroom. “Leaving in five!”

From behind her, she heard the sounds of Steph shutting down her work. “Damn, girl,” Steph yelled at her. “What if I have to pee?”

“Make it quick or hold it,” Chloe yelled back. Shutting her door, she pulled her clothes off, letting them lay where they fell. Yanking open her dresser drawer, she rummaged through it, finding the tank top she wanted to wear. A raven, dripping black, flying over an orange sun, it was one she had a difficult time hiding from Rachel.

Moments later, dressed for the event, she was at the front door. Now she was bouncing on her toes. The butterflies explored the apartment and circled her head. Come on, come on, come on, she kept telling herself.

Finally, Steph walked out of the hall. One minute to leave. Grabbing Steph’s hand, and the bag on the floor, Chloe zoomed them out of the apartment. “Damn, you’re really eager for this, aren’t you,” Steph exclaimed.

Hurriedly locking the door, Chloe pulled them down the stairs at a fast clip, butterflies trailing behind. “Whoa, girl, you’re gonna make us trip,” Steph yelled. But they didn’t trip. Moments later, they were in the car, the bag in back and putting seatbelts on.

Although she wanted to drive as fast as possible, Chloe drove responsibly to the venue. The butterflies whirled around the car’s interior. Steph held up a hand and one landed on it.

“So, uh,” Steph said. Her tone was light and airy. “Where’d you get the pets?”

Leaning against her arm propped on the door as traffic slowed again, Chloe said, “They showed up this morning.”

“Didn’t you say something about butterflies earlier in the week?”

“I did. Only then you weren’t able to seem them. They look the same.”

“You’ll make quite the debut with the group tonight. Fronting a popular punk band, belting out songs with your voice amid a cloud of butterflies.”

Chloe snorted. “I feel like a fucking care bear.”

“A badass care bear with tattoos.”

“I wish… they weren’t here.”

“Why?”

Sighing, Chloe rested her head against the steering wheel. Traffic had stopped for some unknown reason. She didn’t want to give voice to this again, but she knew Steph didn’t remember. “Because when Max left… she turned into a cloud of these butterflies. Seeing them… reminds me of her… how I wasn’t able to help her… how I was so delusional I thought I could figure out a way to save her from something I didn’t fucking understand…

“How much I miss her.” Her last words were barely audible above the sound of the car.

A hand rested on her arm. “But you have a plan now, right? What if you saw these as a symbol of hope? Maybe they’re from Max and she’s trying to support you!”

Lifting her head, Chloe checked the traffic. Yep still stopped. She was glad they left early. Traffic was too unpredictable. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Steph. But right now? I’m done with unfounded optimism. That’s something that got me where I am.”

Traffic began moving again, and the two fell into silence. Right now that fit Chloe’s frame of mind. Tonight’s event was filling her with all sorts of things and her insides were doing flip-flops. Her mind wasn’t much better, clouded by doubt and anxiety.

Chloe sighed with relief when they pulled into the venue’s parking lot. Getting out of the car, Chloe grabbed her bag, and they wandered to the musicians entrance.

The venue was nicer, and bigger, than the one Sunday night. It had a proper backstage area for the group. Taiwo had texted her where to go, and Chloe found her waiting at a side door. Waving farewell to Steph, Chloe hefted the bag and followed Taiwo past the guard into the performers area.

She found herself in a cramped hallway with doors leading to one side. Each of them were closed. The hall was so narrow; they had to turn sideways when someone came from the other direction.

Stopping at a door that looked like all the others, Taiwo knocked twice, then opened it. Standing aside, she waved Chloe in. The room was large enough for the entire band, plus Chloe and Taiwo, with some space left over. Inexpensive furniture was against two walls. Bottled water and snacks were on a sideboard. The bass guitarist was enjoying some of them as he slouched on one couch.

Finding a space next to Rachel, Chloe squeezed onto the small couch, setting the bag by her feet. “How are you,” Rachel asked.

“Hella nervous, and excited,” Chloe answered.

“The first time is the worst,” Rachel said. “Remember that your friends are here and we, and the band, want you to succeed.”

Wrinkling her brow, Chloe looked at her. “You’re giving me a pep talk?”

Punching her lightly on the shoulder, Rachel said, “Hell, yeah! Like I said, the first time is the hardest. Don’t be surprised if you freeze, or forget your words when you’re in front of all those people. It’s normal for that to happen. This place is cool because it has screens at the foot of the stage with the words on it. If you forget the next verse, just look down.”

“Isn’t this kind of weird,” Chloe asked, “changing the band lineup just before a big show?”

“It happens all the time,” Taiwo said. “It might be a little rough, but we’ve all been there. And tonight isn’t the first time we’ve played here. You’ll be fine.”

Chloe was a little amazed at how calm Rachel and the others were. Changing lead singers seemed significant to her. The time she’d spent listening to the group’s play list seemed too short. What really amped up her anxiety, though, wasn’t the change in the lineup. It was her experiment.

She couldn’t shake the thought that tonight would be her only opportunity to do something. The experiment was based upon guesses. Did she even have a power? What assurance did she have that Max wouldn’t disappear after a few minutes like the Captain did?

The thoughts shooting through her head made it difficult to sit still. She squirmed and fidgeted until Rachel finally looked at her. “It’s going to be fine, Chloe,” she said. “You’ll do fine. You are an awesome singer.”

“It’s not my performance I’m worried about,” Chloe whispered. “It’s…” She paused, uncertain about sharing her plan. “It’s that I’m scared about my memories of Max.” That was the safer route she decided.

Rachel nodded knowingly. “I can’t even imagine how you must feel,” she said. “For me it’s weird, to suddenly find out you no longer know anything about a person. I can’t even think of what to say to you to help.”

Chloe smiled wryly. “I doubt anyone, myself included, knows what to say about this. Thanks though, for being my friend.”

A knock sounded at the door and someone poked their head in. “You’re on in five,” the girl said, then closed the door.

Everyone stood and did some form of stretching. Taiwo opened the door and wished everyone luck. She’d be watching from the audience side tonight.

Chloe followed the others from the room, down the narrow hall to wait near an entrance. The opening act had left the stage and crew were double checking everything.

She could just glimpse the mic stand from where she stood. Her vision narrowed until the microphone was all she saw. Too much rested on it. Her hopes. Her happiness. In a dark way, she knew if she failed, it wouldn’t matter. Her memories would be gone and she could finally do what Max most desired. She could live.

The murmur of the crowd suggested many people were here. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, held it, then let it out slowly. Another habit she’d picked up from Max. That thought brought a little smile to her face.

Someone tapped her shoulder, and she opened her eyes. Rachel beckoned her with a nod of her head and together they walked on stage.


	30. Chapter 30

Sweltering heat from the overhead lights hit Chloe as she walked on stage. She didn’t remember that from Sunday! Of course, she had been so thoroughly ‘in the zone’ she didn’t remember much of being on stage. She forgot the discomfort with the next thing she noticed.

The air thrummed with life and energy from the audience who were already chanting the band’s name. Chloe’s skin tingled as their enthusiasm washed over her, and she stopped for a moment to let it sink in. Faces in the crowd faded from distinct details into hazy blurs as her eyes swept over the people milling before the stage.

Rachel stepped to the mic stand as other members played a few notes on their instruments. ”Always check the tuning,” one of them had said earlier. “Hello Portland,” Rachel announced, similar to Sunday. She flashed a bright smile to the audience, turning her head to share it with everyone. The crowd surged, with both Rachel’s and the band’s name shouted in unison.

Letting her smile captivate the audience a few more seconds, Rachel threw a glance at Chloe. “If you were at our show on Sunday,” she paused as the crowd’s shouting increased in volume. “If you were there, you may remember our guest singer.”

Chloe’s eyebrows raised as she heard cries of ‘Beth’ and ‘Cyan’ amidst the other shouts. She already had fans?

Rachel chuckled as the names rose in volume. Turning the full brightness of her smile onto Chloe, she said, “That’s right! Cyan is our newest band member on vocals.”

Stepping to the mic, letting the energy of the crowd pull her in, Chloe raised her hand and waved. Rachel bumped shoulders with her, grinning the entire time.

“Why not give Cyan a proper welcome?”

Immediately, the audience shot up their hands and gave Chloe, or Cyan rather, the middle finger. Laughing, Chloe responded with her own.

Throwing her arm around Chloe, Rachel gave her a quick hug. “Fuckin’ awesome,” she whispered in Chloe’s ear. Dropping her arm, Rachel adjusted the position of the mic stand and returned her attention to the crowd.

“Our show isn’t only a place for good music, singing, and dancing. It’s a place that welcomes those that the system, the patriarchy, turns its back on. Here you- dude, leave her alone!”

Rachel had turned to face a pair in the audience to stage left. Her face no longer wore her charismatic smile. She directed a metal melting glare in the pair’s direction. Chloe could see a man with his hands on a woman.

“I heard her say no from up here,” Rachel shouted. “No means no, fucker! Security get this asshole out of here!”

Before security could reach the pair, the nearby crowd had forced themselves between the two. The group ringed the man in and wouldn’t let him move. They let security in, however, who grabbed the man by the arms. The man began shouting, but the crowd drowned him out.

Rachel’s glare softened as she looked at the woman, clothes somewhat rumpled and shooting nervous glances in the direction of the man. “Make certain the creep leaves and never returns,” Rachel said. “We don’t want our friend afraid to go into the parking lot afterward.”

Letting go of the mic stand, Rachel signaled someone in the crowd and stepped to the edge of the stage. Chloe saw Taiwo make her way to the stage. Kneeling, Rachel and Taiwo spoke for a few seconds. They fist bumped, then Rachel stood and returned to the mic. “We’ll take care of you,” Rachel said warmly, her eyes focused on the woman. Taiwo made her way to the woman. A moment later, the woman nodded, and Taiwo gave her a friendly hug.

“I’d like to thank the fucker for giving us an example of what we don’t welcome here!” Yells in agreement became so loud that Rachel paused, her smile returned. A small space was around the woman and Taiwo. Already the woman seemed more relaxed; her eyes fixed on Rachel.

“Trans and cis girls, and all you non-binary cuties: we love you and want you to have a kickass time! If anyone messes with you, makes you feel unsafe, or you see someone who needs help, find security. We’re in a patriarchy-free zone tonight.

“If we see it, we’ll call it out. If you see it, call it out. Help each other to call it out. We know it can be rough outside this venue. We love you, and want you to feel safe tonight.”

The crowd roared their agreement, with devil horns and middle fingers all flashed at the band. Rachel responded with her signs, and Chloe found her hands raised with middle finger extended. In her periphery, Chloe saw other band members doing the same.

Rachel dropped her hands, readied them on the guitar, and scanned the audience. Her bright smile drove the crowd wild. Opening her mouth, Rachel screamed into the mic, “Fuck the patriarchy!”

At the same time, her fingers launched into a simple, fast combination of riffs and the rest of the group joined in. Rachel began the first verse like they planned, and Chloe closed her eyes. The music wrapped around her, weaving her into its rhythm and tempo. The last of her nervousness was chased away by the experience.

The chorus approached, where Chloe would join her voice with Rachel’s. Opening her mouth, the words flowed out of her, adding to the music. She was off by half a note but quickly corrected herself. Her eyes opened as she sank into the vibrant, pulsing waves coming from both the crowd and the music. Her voice wove it all into an emotional landscape. The audience sang along, their movements doing nothing to interfere with their singing.

The break between songs was barely long enough for a sip of water from the bottles placed at each instrument and mic stand. Chloe found hers cold and refreshing.

The band launched into the intro for the second song and Chloe hopped to the mic. This song was hers to sing, without Rachel. Grabbing the stand with one hand, she tilted it back, opened her mouth, and nailed it! The air around her was alive with the music; her body thrummed with its energy. She began to loosen up, taking the mic off the stand and moving around the stage. Cautiousness marked her first few steps as she transformed from a statue at the mic to owning the stage. Her confidence grew as she sang and moved, learning the stage, its bounds, and obstacles.

An intoxicating power rolled off the crowd in waves, making her light-headed. Standing next to Rachel, she played air guitar for a moment then raised the mic so they could sing the next verse together. The impromptu duet drove the crowd wild, and Chloe’s mind and body vibrated with an ardor she’d never experienced.

The band slipped immediately into the third song, and Chloe found herself approaching the edge of the stage. She knelt to sing to people in front. Staying just out of reach, she traded gestures with audience members as her voice flowed over them. A small voice in her mind reminded her the next song was it: the experiment that would either bring her and Max back together or … ?

The third song ended and the band took a short break. Putting her mic back on the stand, Chloe stepped aside for some water. Her clothes practically stuck to her from the heat and sweat, but she felt awesome! Until her mind focused on the next song and what she planned, no, what she hoped would happen! The vibrant energy that pushed her to new heights transformed into anxious doubt, sending her in other directions.

Stepping to the mic, Rachel began telling a funny story. Chloe moved further away, swinging her arms. Her mind became occupied with what would happen if she failed, if she misunderstood what the Captain had told her. Closing her eyes, Chloe looked for the state of mind and body from moments ago. Fears of forgetting Max, of failing and never knowing that she failed pounded her mind and eroded her confidence.

Distant laughs rolled from the audience to her ears. Moving her head to stretch her neck muscles, she tried to push the doubts and fears from her mind. “You’re up,” Rachel whispered into her ear, making her jump with surprise.

Sheepishly, and face a little warmer than a moment ago, Chloe stepped to the mic. “The next song,” she began, closing her eyes. The fear and doubt had replaced her calm, confident voice with one shattered by emotion. Swallowing hard, she took a breath, let it out slowly and tried again. “The next song is dedicated to my girl, Max. I love you, babe.” She paused, then added. “I miss you so much.”

Head turned, she signaled and the band launched into a cover of Complicated by Heavens to Betsy. Slow, deep, raw notes pierced her soul, and something inside her harmonized with it. Her head and body began swaying in time to the music. Tears were already threatening as her mind thought again of everything that depended upon this song. The words, when they came, welled up from somewhere deep inside.

_I don't know how to be good to you_  
_You're too close and you know it too_  
_Nobody has a good enough excuse_  
_I'm just fucked up and so are you_

The whispered words flowed into the music, reshaping the reality around Chloe. Her soft voice, dripping with love and hope and fear and dread, overpowered the music playing behind her.

She had made so many mistakes with Max in trying to keep her. “Let me fight for you!” “Let me fight for your happiness!” Platitudes said to soothe the moment, but no action, no plan, no hope! So fucking useless! She’d strengthened the walls around them against what Max actually needed.

Her voice trembled as she sang. The thoughts and feelings added layers that intensified the emotions coursing through the venue. Chloe saw none of it, her entire focus was on the song, on her mistakes, on Max somewhere alone.

Max’s heart was what she’d needed to fight for. So beat down by endless tragedy, so lost in darkness only Max could see, a heart hidden and weighed down by layers of pain. Chloe had isolated them from people that could help her keep her focus, help her understand what Max needed. Her volume increased, strengthened by everything running through her heart and mind. The music rose to match the loudness, ascending toward an ear-crushing symphonic cacophony.

_If you want to go, just go, just go, just go, just go_  
_And I'll watch you walk away_  
_If you want to go, just go, just go, just go, just go_  
_And I'll watch you walk away_  
_I'll die if you go, just go, just go, just go_  
_And I'll watch you walk away_

Chloe opened her eyes, but they didn’t see the audience enthralled by her voice as they sang and danced. The venue shook from the power rolling off her, magnified as it merged with the music. She didn’t see that. Blue butterflies swarmed her, swirling so thickly it was hard to see the crowd or Chloe. Another detail her eyes missed.

All Chloe saw was Max, her back to Chloe. Brown hair dusted shoulders that shook. Her head bowed. The scene ripped something from the midst of Chloe, and her voice rose further into a clarion call in an instant. Max turned her head a little, one beautiful blue eye peeking over her bare shoulder.

The sight pushed Chloe into taking a step. That eye, blue and vibrant, was rimmed in red. Max turned away, arms hugging herself. Her shoulders sagged as if an enormous weight pushed at her, seeking to grind her into the ground.

* * *

Rachel skipped a chord and nearly let go of her guitar when the butterflies massed around Chloe. A few people in the audience, likely musicians, glanced at her when they heard the wrong notes. Her eyes widened as Chloe took a step, up into the air!

The butterflies whirled faster around Chloe, turning into blue-white light that seared the eyes. Chloe stepped up again, her feet no longer on the stage. Rachel continued playing, her mind vacant and body numb as the light consumed her friend. Music faltered, and shouts came from people near the stage.

Rachel threw a hand over her eyes just in time as the light surged. With a brilliant flash, the light flooded the entire venue.

* * *

“This is the only way.”

No matter how many times Max repeated those words to herself, the burden and pain didn’t lessen. Chloe had been so willing to give up herself, her life so that others could live. Her mom. Arcadia Bay. Even her step-ass, David.

Max hadn’t been able to let go, to let Chloe do that. She’d tried, so many times she’d tried! In the end, it was always the same. Losing Chloe, watching her die in such a pointless, horrific way, broke her.

Watching the destruction of Arcadia Bay also broke her.

Replaying that week left her shattered beyond recognition. A simulacrum which pushed fragments glued together by the experience, by the pain.

Finally, she had taken those words and made them her own in a way neither had imagined when Chloe first said them. And now she was completing her work. Soon there would be no trace of Max “Never Maxine” Caulfield. And the world would be a better place.

What brought her a measure of happiness was the knowledge that once she was gone, Chloe would forget. She would wake up in a world that never knew Max. No record. No memory. Nothing.

Chloe would be happy. She had wonderful friends, an exciting life, and parents who supported her. Things Max had been unable to do or be. It was everything Max had wished for her, and more.

Her clasped hands rested on her chest as she thought of Chloe, Steph, Rachel, and Kate. Beautiful people, all of them. Unbidden, little Emma came to mind. Her bright eyes and smile that reminded her so much of herself and Chloe when they were little. Little Emma would have the chance to grow up and realize her dreams.

All it took was removing herself.

Removing those memories, those moments of happiness, stabbed her and ground her down further. The last one, she knew, the last one would be too much.

Earlier, when she’d seen those visions of Chloe, she’d almost stopped. A tremor went through her at the memory - Chloe, in the throes of singing. Chloe sang! The thought even now pierced her heart; the stab almost lost among all the other pain she endured.

Her fingers still remembered that brief touch - a memory of a memory that burned her.

Only a few more things to do and her choice would be complete. Chloe could finally live. The world could live, and everyone would be better off.

Her shoulders shook as emotion overwhelmed her. The enormity of what she was doing was unbearable, another burden on her already weak mind and heart.

The faint strains of music and singing reached her ears. Sniffling, she raised her head. Another vision to torment her. Didn’t she suffer enough? Why drive another spike into her and twist it?

Turning her head slightly, she saw Chloe. Blue butterflies flew behind her. Chloe’s voice washed over her, and she trembled. Turning away, she hugged herself, bending almost double. Not now! Why did everything hate her?

_Stop everything_  
_Or my heart will break_  
_My pride isn’t worth it_  
_Help me, this is hurting_  


The words pierced her and sent her tumbling to her knees. Her mind barely registered Chloe’s voice as the singer. The last words kept repeating over and over, matching the throb of agony in her heart.

So engrossed was Max in trying not to let everything consume her that she didn’t notice the flaring light or silence that followed. Tears dripped from her face as she fought against everything. She had to complete this! Chloe deserved a better life! Max raised her hand, ready to take the next action.

A voice stopped her. “Max?” Her heart and breath stopped. Chloe?

Slowly, she stood. A hint of a touch graced her shoulder, and she whirled. Chloe stood in front of her, hand raised, and an unreadable look on her face. Max stumbled back, everything spinning and turning!

Falling to her butt, Max looked up, seeing Chloe, but not seeing her. “What… What are you doing here?”

Kneeling beside her, Chloe raised her hand. The hand hovered a moment before touching Max’s arm. Max closed her eyes at the touch, but not before seeing the look of wonder and relief on Chloe’s face.

For Max, the touch sent a burning through her. The fire started where Chloe’s fingers rested on her arm, blazing up into her heart. Her head turned away, body shaking. Fatigue beyond all comprehension hounded her; her emotions so frayed and taut that nothing made sense, nothing except for the ever-present pain.

“I… came for you,” Chloe whispered.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

Silence.

“You know me. I’ve never been one to do what I’m supposed to.”

Despite everything that weighed her down and beat at her mercilessly, Chloe’s words made her snort. The happiness lasted only a second or two before being crushed by the unbearable burden that bore down on her.

“That’s not what I mean. You need to be… with Steph and Rachel and others. Not with me. Never with me.”

The hand slipped up her arm to her shoulder. “Why never with you?”

Max shrugged her shoulder, trying to dislodge Chloe’s hand. “Please leave.”

More silence.

“You want me to leave? You want me to go away so you can finish removing yourself from everything?”

Max nodded.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Max.” Such warmth and tenderness infused her name that Max looked at Chloe. Her heart responded, for a moment shaking off the bleakness and pain that weighed it down.

“Because you don’t deserve this.”

A sharp burst of anger shot through her at the words. “I deserve all of it!” Her words were as hot as the fury behind them, searing across the aether, making Chloe flinch. “I’m not supposed to exist! That’s what’s wrong, why that fucking disaster won’t stop!

“Each time I reset, I changed something else, found another thing about myself to remove from your life. But I was never good enough! Never thorough enough! Look at how great your life is now! Think about how awesome it will be when I’m gone, when I will have never existed!

“I was never supposed to exist! Each time I removed something, your life got better.”

Max stopped her diatribe, chest heaving from the speech and fiery emotion.

With a blank look, Chloe studied her. “That may be true,” she said, her words slow and careful. “But you’re missing one thing: adding you to my life made it better.”

Turning her head aside, Max closed her eyes again. The words slipped past her defenses into her heart and mind, warring against what it found there. She tried to move away, but the hand on her shoulder stopped her. “It’s not too late, Max. Please come back.”

Voice laden with bitterness and sorrow, Max said, “I… I can’t. It’s too late.”

“What do you mean?”

“If I leave… the storm will return. I’m keeping it locked away by being here.”

Fingers touched her cheek, soft and careful. Her eyelids tightened as the touch reached beyond her skin into her heart, into her soul. Twisting and turning, Max rolled away from Chloe. Bringing her knees to her chest, she folded her arms on them. Her head she rested on her arms.

Even that didn’t stop Chloe. Within moments, arms wrapped around Max, pulling her into an embrace that made her heart cry. At the same time she fought it. She needed to be strong to finish her task.

“It’s never too late, Max. I was… I was wrong when I told you we could find a way to beat the disaster. That distracted me from what needed attention. You do. You’re just as important and valuable as me, or Steph, or Rachel. You’re needed. We need you, Max. I need you.”

Chloe paused and took a ragged breath. “Please don’t… please don’t do this.”

“It’s the only way… the only way to give you what you need.” There was no life in Max’s voice. She moved, struggling to cast off Chloe’s arms. Something snapped inside her, sharp and cold. Finally slipping from her grasp, she lay panting, worn down by the effort.

“How do you know? Have you asked me what I need? What I want?” Max flinched as Chloe’s voice went from warm to angry. “You haven’t asked what I want, Max! If you had asked me, my answer would be simple and direct. I want you!”

Max stayed sitting, face hidden from view. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “It’s… too late. I’m too broken, not worth saving. Removing myself is all I can do, all I know how to do now.”

Silence. When it lengthened into seconds and minutes, Max lifted her head and peered around. She was alone again. The way it was meant to be. The only thing she deserved.

* * *

The stage came into view in an explosion of light and sound. Chloe blinked as her eyes went rapidly from the dimness where Max was, to the brightness of the venue. Her hands clenched into fists. She’d heard Max apologize and begin saying something else when she’d been pulled back to here.

Her hands went to her ears, head ducking as the current song assaulted her eardrums. Falling to her knees, hands clutched to her head; she willed herself not to care about what just happened. Max didn’t… no, that wasn’t fair. Max cared too much, so much that she could only see one thing!

Her experiment was over then. She had been able to visit Max. To touch her. One last time.

Soon, she wouldn’t remember. The gaping hole that sucked in every good thought and feeling, the memories, the way those blue eyes and freckles sent a jolt of goodness, she would forget everything! She would forget Max.

A hand touched her shoulder, and she looked up. A blurred figure crouched over her. Rachel. Maybe. Wiping a hand over her eyes, she noticed the band wasn’t playing. It was Rachel.

Chloe sat up as Rachel hissed, “What the fuck happened?”

Hanging her head, Chloe mumbled, “I found her… I found Max.”

“Well? Where the fuck is she? Isn’t that what you were going to do?”

Chloe remained silent, trying to will her thoughts and emotions away.

“That… I’m sorry, Chloe. You disappeared, and I… the crowd and the band went a bit crazy. They at least think we rigged up some weird surprise special effect. I have no fucking idea how I got them to believe that.

“Taiwo’s gonna want to reduce your pay for this, if not outright fire you.”

Pushing herself to her feet, Chloe found an unopened water bottle and took a long drink. Something tried dragging her to the ground, pushing at her heart with the weight of the earth. She hadn’t been able to do it. No matter what she’d done or tried, she hadn’t been able to bring back Max.

She wanted to hurt something, something that would hurt herself like she had with the mirror. Her hand reached up and gripped the necklaces under her shirt. For a moment her arm tensed, ready to rip the chains off and throw them away. Something stayed her hand, but she didn’t know what. The desire to hurt herself didn’t go away, but it weakened.

“Will you be ok,” Rachel said, laying a hand on her arm.

Crushing the bottle in her hand, then dropping it to the floor, Chloe tried to center herself. Or whatever Max did when beset by painful memories. But she lacked the skill of Max.

Shaking her head, Chloe looked at her friend. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care if she fires me over this. Max wouldn’t come back. She pushed me away.”

Rachel looked at her, her features softening from the angry expression she started with. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I can cover the last two songs if you need to leave.”

Looking at her friend for several seconds, Chloe mulled that over. Shaking her head, she finally said, “No, I got this. Being alone right now won’t be good for me. Singing… being here I can at least vent in a way that brings other people happiness.”

Smiling, Rachel clapped her hand on Chloe’s shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze. Dropping her hand, Rachel stepped away. They stepped up to the mic stands, and Rachel gave a signal. The band began playing the next song. Chloe tried to ignore the looks she saw the other members give her. A strange buzz came from the audience. They had noticed her return. Confusion and questions mixed with the cheering and different typical concert sounds.

Taking the microphone, Chloe looked over the crowd of dancing people and cellphone lights. Opening her mouth, she launched herself into the song. She pushed aside everything, the pain lancing her heart, the fear seeking to grab her mind, the frustration with Max, and more. All that mattered right now was the song, the music, and the audience.

The pain wouldn’t stay away. The only feeling not sucked into that gaping hole in her heart, it pummeled her from within. Blue eyes pierced her vision. Grief over Max clouded her mind. Those emotions and more consumed her, wrapping themselves around her and infusing the music.

It was no damn good! She was no damn good! A fucking failure that couldn’t even support a friend. The thoughts came quickly to her, pummeling her mind. Instead of resisting them, Chloe embraced the thoughts.

A bolt of blue lightning crackled through the venue. The lightning leaped from the middle of the air to one wall then another. Another bolt joined it, then a third one split the air, all unnoticed by Chloe, who continued singing. The venue had a high ceiling, and the thunderbolts stayed near it.

The band noticed and faltered, notes and beat and rhythm becoming erratic. Chloe sang onward, her voice no longer needing the music.

In the middle of the venue, high in the air, a mist formed. The mist roiled and swirled, consolidating into a cloud. More and more lightning bolts sprayed from it. Overhead lights were hit, bursting them in a shower of hot glass and sparks. Shouts and cries arose from the floor, and people began pushing their way from the center. The bass guitarist dropped her guitar, and she and the drummer fled.

Butterflies streamed from all directions, flitting through the air. They dodged the lightning and the audience alike. The insects converged in front of Chloe, who had her eyes shut as she sang.

Rachel almost screwed up a chord, again, as the lighting crackled overhead and the butterflies appeared. Around her, the rest of the band had disappeared, and people in the audience were struggling toward the exits. Surprised and confused, Rachel kept playing.

And Chloe kept singing.

And the lighting kept striking.

And the butterflies swirled into a compact mass in front of Chloe. They formed into the shape of a girl. With a flash of blue-white light, they disappeared, leaving Max in their place.


	31. Chapter 31

Max looked around. The air was hot and heavy against her bare skin. And loud. She flinched under the aural assault, and her hands flew to cover her ears. The sudden change from the quiet void to the thunderous concert made her mind reel. Her hands closed over her ears, but not before the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard caressed her.

Her mind and body froze as she stared at the wonder in front of her. Chloe stood with her head and body tilted back, and mouth opened wide, holding a microphone above her with both hands. Max had to hear that voice again!

Slowly, Max’s hands fell from her ears, and she stepped closer, ignoring the ear-shattering sounds. She had to touch her! Her hand raised, reaching to recreate the experience of moments ago. She wanted, no she needed to tell Chloe something! What did she want to say to her?

Max never got the chance. Her fingers neared Chloe’s hand when her body collapsed. As she slumped to the floor, her fingers grazed Chloe’s arm. Everything was heavy and painful as her world came crashing down.

* * *

A touch on her arm sent a thrill through Chloe, causing her to open her eyes. Chaos reigned in the venue. Rachel was still playing guitar, sort of, while lightning arced from a cloud in the center of the house.

A hint of movement in front of her drew Chloe’s eyes. She looked down, and her voice died. All the anger and frustration and grief and pain faded into irrelevance as she saw Max crumpled at her feet. With a cry, Chloe dropped the mic and fell to her knees. A choked sob burst from her as she slipped her arms under Max, pulling her close.

Max was shivering violently, bright blue lines etching the butterflies all over her body. Chloe removed her t-shirt, leaving herself with just her bra, and clothed Max with it. It was huge on her, but covered her nakedness. Chloe held her close, rocking back and forth. The entire world shrank to the woman she held. Her cheek rested against Max’s forehead, savoring the feel of Max in her arms once again. She didn’t care what happened now. Max was back!

A hand shook Chloe’s shoulder, jarring her from those happy thoughts. Pandemonium reigned around her with blue lightning striking the stage near her and small explosions from electrical components. Smashed tables and chairs littered the venue, and the sound equipment was in shattered pieces. Thunder echoed in the small space, much quieter than it should be, but still deafening. Only a dozen people remained in the venue. Small fires burned on the walls and floor.

Chloe hugged Max tighter, her eyes widening at the ongoing destruction. What the hell happened here?

Rachel kneeled next to them. “Is that… Max?” Worry and fear laced Rachel’s voice. Chloe’s eyes remained focused on Max’s face twisted in pain. She and Rachel flinched as something fell with a loud crash.

“Yeah,” Chloe said absently, her attention still focused on the destruction happening around them. “What… what’s going on?”

“I hoped you could explain. While you sang the last song, lightning started shooting everywhere. Then all these butterflies appeared and swarmed in front of you. I thought you would disappear again. Instead… they turned into her.”

Struggling to her feet, with Max cradled against her chest, Chloe said, “We need to get out of here! Help me get back to the dressing room.” Rachel nodded and hurried ahead to guide the way. Thunder, crackles, and small explosions sounded around them as they walked. Chloe’s legs wanted to run, to flee the chaos and fires and take Max somewhere safe! She forced herself to keep a slow gait, to not jostle Max, or cause an accident.

Once in the crossover, the light dimmed rapidly. Glancing around, Chloe saw none of the lights were working. The dimness was worse once they entered the area with the dressing rooms. The emergency lights on the walls weren’t working either.

“It wasn’t me, at least I don’t think it was,” Chloe said as they walked.

“Huh?” Rachel had pulled out her cellphone and activated the flashlight.

“The lightning and butterflies. That wasn’t me. I think it was Max.”

“Oh.”

A moment later, Rachel opened the door to their dressing room. Chloe pushed her way past Rachel and went to the biggest couch where she awkwardly placed Max. Her traitorous heart wondered whether they were still girlfriends.

“Hand me my bag, please,” Chloe said. Her fingers brushed Max’s bangs away. Odd. Her hair was the same length as if it hadn’t grown. Max now looked asleep, except for the slight tremor to her limbs. Pressing two fingers to the side of Max’s neck, Chloe felt a steady, quick heartbeat. Was that good?

“Were you expecting to bring her back tonight,” Rachel asked, her voice filled with wonder. Chloe glanced at her while she unzipped the bag. Rachel’s eyes were wide and focused on Chloe, and her mouth was slightly open.

Chloe pulled out Max’s favorite blanket. Her throat clenched when she touched it, memories of Max and her snuggly blanket coming to mind. They were together again. She spread the blanket gently over Max. “Hoped,” she croaked, “I hoped I would bring her back.” Her eyes suddenly wanted to leak tears over everything, and her fingers trembled as they brushed Max’s hair.

She wanted to crawl under the blanket with Max and hold her. There she would whisper words of love and comfort, and maybe a pun or a bad joke. Her arms ached to be around Max, to be together, to keep her safe.

But she couldn’t. Not right now. The door opened, letting in the loud sounds of destruction, and a person. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re in here,” Steph exclaimed, relief mixing into her words. “We have to- is that Max?” Chloe sensed her stop at her side.

“Yes. This is Max.” Chloe was silent for a moment, watching Max breathe. She shifted her eyes momentarily to Steph. “What were you saying?”

Steph shook herself, then hurriedly said, “We have to get out of here! The place is collapsing. Whatever happened during that last song is tearing this place apart!”

As if to emphasize the urgency in her voice, rumbles and loud noises of things falling sounded on the other side of the door. Chloe kept her eyes on Max. “Do either of you know where the nearest exit is,” she asked.

“I do,” Rachel said.

Chloe tucked the blanket around Max, then slipped her arms under legs and shoulders and lifted. Max shifted a little as Chloe stood, cradling her. Eyes still focused on her blue-lined friend, Chloe said, “Lead on, and quick!”

Steph picked up the bag, and they followed Rachel from the room. All the lights were out now. Both Rachel and Steph lit the way with their phones. They followed the hall toward the stage and stopped at another door. Opening it, they saw an exit at the far end, its sign faintly lit. Rachel hurried ahead and held it open. Through the doorway, Chloe could see the rain pouring down and wind thrashing everything. People ran through the parking lot, and cars were backed up at the exit.

Behind them, from the other side of the stage door, came more crashes and sounds of metal tearing. Steph hurried by Chloe, saying, “I’ll bring the car to the door.” Rachel closed the door after she left, leaving it open a crack.

Against her, Chloe could feel Max breathing. Like her heartbeat, her breathing was rapid. The butterfly outlines were faintly visible on her face. The gaping hole in Chloe’s heart that had opened when Max had pushed her away was slowly closing; the ache was diminishing. Tilting her head down, she kissed Max lightly on the forehead. When she raised her eyes, she found Rachel staring at her. Chloe gave her a weak smile.

Rachel’s eyes flicked from Max to her. “I wondered,” Rachel slowly said, “whether my memories of her would return if she came back.” She looked away, down the hall that intersected the one they used. “But they haven’t.”

Chloe didn’t know what to make of that. Maybe they would come back later? Or maybe Max would have to reverse whatever she did? Thrusting those thoughts from her mind as not helpful, Chloe moved her eyes to the door.

“Where’s your guitar,” she asked.

Heaving a sigh, Rachel said, “I left it on the stage when everything happened.”

“I’m sorry,” Chloe said, sincerely. “You’ve had that guitar a long time.” She remembered when Rachel bought it on her sixteenth birthday. For months, she had worked and saved, refusing to lean on her dad’s money to get what she wanted.

“Well, a guitar is less important than our lives,” Rachel said. The slight sorrow in her voice was barely detectable.

A noise outside drew Chloe’s eyes back to the crack. Rachel opened the door, and they saw the car waiting for them. Hurrying through the rain, Rachel opened the car door. Chloe was right behind her.

It was awkward to get herself and Max in the car, but she did it without knocking Max against anything or hurting herself. The rain was oddly warm against Chloe’s bare skin. Her back was quite wet by the time she got in the car. Max’s blanket would need washing.

Chloe buckled both of them in, with Max leaning against her. Rachel had jumped into the front seat and quickly put on her seatbelt. Steph slowly drove through the lot, avoiding cars in a hurry to leave, and pulled up beside Rachel’s car. “See you at home, love,” Rachel said as she unbuckled.

“Drive safe,” Steph said worriedly. Leaning over, they gave each other a quick kiss. Then Rachel was out of the car and unlocking the other. The moment she was in the car, a loud crash overpowered the rain and thunder. Steph glanced in the rearview mirror. “The rest of the venue collapsed,” she stated flatly.

In the distance, sirens blared. How long had all this taken?

Steph began driving. Severe weather fueled chaos reigned in the streets. Cars drove every which way as people tried to escape the storm centered over the venue. It took several minutes to leave the lot. There were a number of fender-benders, but no one stopped to get out in the downpour.

“Did anyone get hurt,” Chloe asked once they were on the road. One arm was around Max’s waist. Her other hand was stroking Max’s hand.

“Not that I could see,” Steph said. She was driving slow, with the wipers at full speed. The rain outside was unusual, coming down hard and dense, and for a long time. Portland rain usually was light and lasted only a few minutes. Chloe wondered whether flooding was a possibility.

“It was freaky weird,” Steph continued, “with lightning and that cloud. There was plenty of room to get out, though, and the lightning never struck the ground, that I could tell. Or at least not until most people were out.”

“What about Taiwo and the band?”

Steph didn’t reply.

Chloe looked at Steph, driving the car, focused on traffic and the rain. She hoped her silence was because driving in this weather took all her focus. Please let nothing happen to Taiwo or the others!

Other vehicles were driving slow too. Visibility was poor, maybe a yard past the hood of the car they could see only rain. They’d passed one accident already, likely because of the lack of visibility. “Should we find a place to pull over,” Chloe asked, not hiding the concern in her voice.

Steph nodded but didn’t answer. She leaned close to the steering wheel with bunched shoulders and tense body. Her entire focus was on driving. A minute later she said, “I see a parking lot here. I’m going to pull in there and park. Hopefully, this rain stops soon. Could you call Rachel and tell her what we’re doing?”

“Can do,” Chloe replied. Reaching behind herself, Chloe dug her phone from her pocket. Damn! Somehow her screen had cracked during everything. Shaking her head, she dialed Rachel. No one answered, so she left a voicemail explaining what they were doing, and the name of the business they had parked in front of.

Ending the call, she set the phone on the seat and returned her attention to Max.

“How are you doing?” Steph’s question surprised her.

Looking at Steph, Chloe said, “Right now? Conflicted. Super happy to have her here. Relieved Max hadn’t disappeared yet. Alarmed at how it happened.” Angry and frustrated by our talk in that strange place and confused about what happened at the venue. Really scared at what’s happening outside.

* * *

Max opened her eyes, shapes coalescing from the surrounding shadows. A warm hand stroked hers. A familiar scent and warmth told her she was leaning against Chloe. The hint of a smile tugged at her mouth. More details became visible.

They were in a car. A loud sound of many things pelting metal reached her ears. It was raining. Hard. Steph was in the front seat, slumped against the steering wheel. Moving her other hand, she touched the one stroking hers. Next to her, Chloe drew a breath in a sharp hiss.

“Max!” There was a lot of meaning in that one word, but she wasn’t up to sorting through it all.

“She’s awake?” Steph leaned back to look in the rearview mirror.

Max had thought, had told herself, that she’d never feel Chloe’s touch again, never be allowed to touch anyone again. And now…? Now she used that touch to anchor herself. Nothing made sense anymore. Breathing was difficult, and her body didn’t want to move. Her hand slipped from Chloe’s, pulled away from lack of strength.

Where were they? Why had she returned? She remembered Chloe visiting her and then… She opened her mouth to ask the first question but realized her mouth and throat were too dry. Months had passed since speaking in this world.

Her hand wouldn’t respond when she tried to lift it. “Water,” she whispered. Chloe shifted next to her.

“Is there anything to drink up there,” she heard Chloe ask. Steph moved, leaning over the console. A moment later, she passed back a warm bottle of water.

Cracking the seal, Chloe helped Max take a drink. She held the water in her mouth before swallowing it. The taste was wonderful! She had forgotten what water tasted like. It slid down her throat into her belly, and her mind tracked the once forgotten sensation.

Max shifted, trying to move her arm again. She was wearing something, a shirt? Whose shirt? A haze memory came to mind. Yes, when she’d gone to the void her clothes stayed behind in this world. She hadn’t worn clothes since… since she’d left Chloe, Rachel, Steph, and Kate behind.

“Where-” her disused voice was a croak, and all she could utter was the one word.

“We’re sitting in a parking lot, waiting for the rain to slow or stop,” Chloe said. As she spoke, Max saw a car pull alongside them. Steph peered out her window.

“I think Rachel found us,” Steph said. Relief poured off her, and she sat back. Her face stayed looking out the window. A ding sounded, and Steph looked at her phone. “It is Rachel,” she happily said while she typed furiously on her phone.

They watched the rain. Well, Max watched the rain. Chloe watched her, and Steph split her attention between her phone and Rachel’s car.

More questions piled into her mind the longer Max watched the rain. They were preferable to the emotions that were resurfacing. Moving from… wherever she’d been, back to here had dampened them temporarily. Now, they rose from the core of her being, seeking to wrap her in their familiar, horrible embrace to drag her down.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Chloe whispered. Max responded by nuzzling her cheek against her shoulder. She was glad to be with Chloe again, but she had made a colossal mess of things. Her mind and heart whirled with things she couldn’t grasp, things that wouldn’t form into words. Silence seemed the better way right now.

After a time, the rain slowed. Visibility improved, making it safe to drive. “Should we go to our apartment,” Steph asked, letting the sentence fade away.

“It’s on the second floor, so it should be ok from flooding,” Chloe said. “Maybe head that way, and I’ll monitor the weather reports. If it gets bad, we head for either Kate’s or my parents.”

Steph nodded at her suggestion. Calling Rachel, she relayed the plan. Putting the car into gear, she pulled out of the parking lot.

After the brief conversation, the three went silent. Rain tapped on the windshield and roof. The road hummed underneath, and the engine matched it. No one spoke. Chloe held Max’s hand and kept her eyes focused on a weather app. Max focused on that touch, using it to orient herself.

She closed her eyes and focused on how Chloe’s hand felt against hers. Her skin was both smooth and rough as it clasped her hand. Warmth seeped into her from the contact. From there, she turned her attention to the emotions and thoughts that dragged at her. Resisting their attempt to frame everything she did as a miserable failure was monumental. No matter how many times she told herself those accusations weren’t true, they had an endless supply of examples.

This was a fight she couldn’t win, at least not right now. Max took a breath and tried again. She was back in Portland, with Chloe, Steph, and Rachel. The thoughts of inadequacy and failure, although all around, were manageable if she found something else to focus on. Like the reason she returned. Chloe squeezed her hand, and Max gave her a weak smile.

They passed several flooded side streets and a few wrecks on the way. First responders were very busy. Max shifted her eyes to focus on Chloe’s hand, holding hers. Better that than the disaster outside the windows. Disaster she caused. Injuries. Deaths.

By the time they pulled into the apartment parking lot, the rain had slackened to a typical Portland drizzle. Steph turned the car off and moved to open the door. “Steph,” Chloe said, “hand me the bag, please? It has Max’s clothes in it.”

Max turned her eyes up to look at Chloe, noticing for the first time her lack of a shirt. She’d expected her to return? More unfathomable emotion ran through her as Steph handed the bag to Chloe. Ignoring the look Max gave her, Chloe opened the bag and fished around in it. Pulling out shoes and socks, she placed them on Max’s lap.

“I doubt you’ll want to change in the car,” Chloe said neutrally.

Handing the water bottle to Chloe, Max picked up the articles. Had Chloe kept her clothes? How long was she in the void? Certainly, it was long enough…

Those thoughts brought only pain. Max ignored them as she unrolled her socks and put them on. Their insides were rough and chafed her skin. Had they always been that way? Chloe helped her with the shoes. Max fumbled with the laces, trying to figure out what to do with them. After several failed attempts to tie them, Chloe bent over and did it for her. By then, the rain had stopped, and they exited the car to a cloudy night.

Holding the blanket up with one hand, Max let Chloe lead her by the other. Her head turned this way and that, looking at everything. The dark shapes of buildings loomed above. Shadowy trees and cars lined the fronts of the buildings. Her toe snagged something, causing her to stumble and almost drop her blanket! With wide eyes, she clenched the blanket tighter and kept her eyes focused on where they were going.

Chloe led her to some stairs that seemed unsafe, but she didn’t hesitate climbing them. Max looked at the stairs, the way they tilted slightly and how the railing wobbled. Please don’t break! She kept repeating that as she followed Chloe up the stairs. A soft pressure on her back caused her to stop, pulling Chloe to a halt.

“It’s ok, keep going,” came a voice from behind her. Rachel appeared alongside her. The dark kept her from seeing Rachel’s expression, but Max saw her eyes studying her. Averting her own, Max responded to a gentle tug and started climbing again.

They made it up the stairs into the apartment. Once inside, Max wanted to collapse where she was, yet Chloe kept walking. Her feet shuffled as she followed Chloe down a hall into a bedroom. Chloe led her to the bed, where she set down the bag then turned to leave. “Please don’t,” Max said.

Chloe stopped inches from the door and stood, her shoulders bunched and tensed. Stepping behind her, Max raised her hand but didn’t touch her. Words wouldn’t come, and thoughts flew through her mind too quickly to grasp. Being with Chloe was the only thought she could latch onto.

“You’re probably hungry,” Chloe said. Her voice was still flat, but there was a hint of something else in it. “I’ll bring you some food.” She left, closing the door behind her.

Max let her hand fall. She was hungry, but that wasn’t what she wanted right now. She didn’t know what she wanted right now.

She turned to face the room and tried not to think about the happy moments she and Chloe had shared here. The room was a mess, with clothes and items strewn everywhere. It reminded her of Chloe’s bedroom in Arcadia Bay the first time Chloe brought her home from Blackwell, only worse. Was the mess because… because of her?

With a sigh, Max stepped away from the door and walked to the bed. She unwound the blanket, folded it neatly, and placed it on the bed next to the bag. Her shoes were next after she sat down. Ugh, the blanket was rough and scratchy! She wriggled her butt as she unzipped the bag and pulled out clothes. Please be soft!

The clothes she pulled out were familiar. They were the clothes she’d worn when… An image of a windstorm and standing in a field flashed through her mind. With gritted teeth, Max banished that memory and sniffed the clothes. Dirty. Well, except the underwear and bra, those were clean. But they were hers.

By the time Chloe returned with food, Max had dressed and was sitting on the bed. Chloe closed the door, set the plate of food and a water bottle on the bed next to Max. She put her shirt on then sat on the floor with her back against the wall.

Max only glanced at the food. Her gaze immediately went from there to Chloe. She sat, knees up and elbows on her knees. Her head looked down, eyes focused on the floor.

They needed to talk; Max knew that. She didn’t know where to begin. Slipping from the bed to sit on the floor like Chloe, Max folded her legs underneath her and looked at her hands.

“I don’t know where to start,” Max said softly. “How about… how are you?”

Chloe tilted her head to look at Max, studying her with a soft gaze. No matter how Max tried, her eyes refused to meet Chloe’s gaze. Her stomach growled, causing her to reach up, pull the plate into her lap, and begin picking at the food.

Chloe’s face turned down again as her hands clenched each other. “I’m messed up,” she said, unable to keep her voice from choking. “Max… I never thought I’d see you again, and then you pushed me away when I figured out a way to come to you. Yet… then you show up. I’m scared and happy and frustrated and who knows what else.”

Those words! Max winced, each word striking her heart like a blow. Her throat clenched, and something began pushing at her mind - a constant need to do something laid hold of her limbs. Between focusing on Chloe’s words, and trying to control the desire to move, she couldn’t pay attention to anything else.

After taking a shuddering breath, Chloe said, “But right now… right now there’s one thing I need to know.” She crawled over to sit next to Max, facing her. Her hands reached out and took both of Max’s. A slight shudder went through Max at the touch. Her eyes came up and found Chloe’s eyes warm and… scared?

The desire to leave became stronger, consuming. Her hands trembled in Chloe’s.

“Is this temporary? Will you… disappear or run away again?”

Max opened her mouth to say she didn’t run away, then shut it. Her head dropped, no longer able to meet Chloe’s gaze. She was right. Max had run away, a lot. She’d bolted the first night they met. She’d ran when her memories returned in Arcadia Bay, and at Kate’s. Worse, for months she’d fled emotionally from Chloe.

That need to move, to do something surged. The demand was alive and powerful, overwhelming her control. “I…” Max had to get away, had to run! No, she had to stay! Chloe’s hands were holding her back, trapping her here! Her touch was soothing, healing.

Max had to break free, get away! Running would do more harm than help. She shifted her legs and pulled at her hands. Her head was shaking as her mouth stammered nonsense. The plate of food tumbled to the floor, scattering cheese, crackers, grapes, and more across the clothes and other items strewn on the floor.

“Don’t…” Max shouldn’t leave! She had to go! “Let me…” She shouldn’t have returned! She should have stayed in the void and completed her decision. Then she wouldn’t be experiencing this. “go.”

Chloe pulled her close as Max looked around wildly. Her throat constricted, as did her chest. Her breath wouldn’t come, no matter how much she fought and gasped for air! Darkness ringed her vision, narrowing it to a small area. Inside her, the chaos raged, thrashing to a song audible only to her.

A familiar scent distracted her. Softness caressed her cheek and warm arms wrapped around her. Gradually, her heart stopped pounding in her chest. Her breathing became slow and steady. Several minutes passed before the commanding desire to run seeped from her limbs.

Max found that her face was in Chloe’s hair. Her nose took in a breath of Chloe’s shampoo, bringing back memories. Sharing a bed, holding each other, playful kisses. Tension drained from her body as those memories reminded her of what happiness was like. Her arms came around Chloe, holding her tight. A soft whimper escaped her as she settled into the safety of the embrace.

She didn’t want to let go of Chloe ever again. Max didn’t want to return to being herself. Separate. Alone. Despicable. Chloe’s hold relaxed first. Reluctantly accepting the signal, Max let go and leaned back. Chloe grabbed the plate and began picking up the spilled food.

Like earlier, Max sat with her back against the bed. All she wanted to do right now was collapse to the floor in a puddle. “I… can’t promise that, Chloe,” she forced out as Chloe returned the plate to Max’s lap. “I can’t promise anything right now, not without help. I’m so… fucked up I don’t know what ‘normal’ means anymore.”

Giving her a smirk, Chloe said, “Normal is what we want it to be.” Her tone softened, as did her smile, as she continued, “Can you promise me one thing? Months ago, when we went on our first date, you said it was important for us to be honest with each other.

“You then spent the next several months not being honest.” Max flinched, her face twisting as she hid her eyes. The tightness returned to her chest, and she hung her head. Chloe touched her shoulder, bringing Max’s eyes to hers. “I need you to be honest with me. Honesty is how we build trust. It’s hard for me to trust you right now.

“Before… I had to drag answers from you. That hurt me, more than you realize. If you can’t answer something or don’t want to answer, tell me. I’d rather have that than silence, misdirection, or worse.

“If you want us to be together, to last longer than a night, I need your honesty. Please, Max, can you be honest with me?”

The urge to do something, to run and get away, laid hold of her again. Her hands scrambled for something, but all they found were themselves. They clenched tightly together. Her arms and shoulders tensed as her hands worried each other. Max focused on that, on the tightness in her shoulders, and the pain in her hands. The need to flee pressed at her mind and heart, trying to tear her away from this place.

“I’m scared,” she whispered.

“So am I,” Chloe responded, her hand falling onto Max’s. “I don’t know if that storm will-”

“Not that,” Max interrupted hoarsely. “I’m scared… of hurting you, of loving you, of allowing…” Her voice died as her mental reflexes kicked in. She couldn’t say it! Her body began trembling as she struggled against defenses built over countless exercises in pain.

Her hands balled into fists, and her eyes screwed tight. Don’t say it! Don’t say it! Her fists flew to her face to press against her eyes. Tears squeezed past them as she tried to find her center, tried to compose herself. Her legs jerked as she struggled for the words, struggled to break past her defenses. Even admitting it to herself was something she had never done.

Admitting it was forbidden. It wasn’t allowed! The Universe had spoken, and its decision was final and harsh. Who was she to go against it? Each attempt had resulted in brutal punishment. Chloe had said she made the Universe bow to her, that what she did was baller. The truth was the opposite; she had been ground down so cruelly rising on her own was impossible.

A hand cupped her cheek, and she sobbed. “What is it you fear?” Chloe’s words were soft and warm; her voice was no longer indifferent.

Before her mind could catch up, her mouth said what was forbidden. “Of being happy.”

There was a brief silence where Max swore she heard Chloe take in a sharp breath. “Tell me about that fear,” Chloe asked in a steady voice.

The trembling had lessened, and her hands had fallen to her sides. Max’s eyes stayed closed. She didn’t want to see the judgment she feared would be on Chloe’s face. Who feared happiness? That made no sense! Nobody was afraid of happiness. No one normal anyway.

And she wasn’t normal. Had never been normal. She’d been foolish coming back, and she knew that now. Soon, Chloe would realize it. They’d all know, and they’d ask, no they’d demand! Demand that she go away.

Her hands shook where they rested on the floor, seeking something. Something they’d never find.

A warm presence pulled her close, and she choked back a sob from the touch. A hand took one of hers, its soft clasp a symbol of an acceptance she could never believe she deserved. The touch reminded her of why she’d returned, even as she knew she’d fuck that up as well.

Someone else pressed against her right side. A hand softly stroked hers. “You need to eat.” Max choked back a sob when she recognized the voice. Both of them? Together? No! Didn’t they know she wasn’t worth it? She’d hurt both of them so horribly; her actions were unforgivable.

Fingers stroked her hair, and she leaned into the touch. A piece of food poked at her lips. Opening her mouth, she accepted the food, discovering it to be a chunk of cheese. She wanted to open her eyes and look, but she feared to ruin the moment, feared the judgment they’d find. Chewing and swallowing the food, she next accepted a sip of water.

She pictured them sitting there: three girls, a brown-haired fuck-up book-ended by two blue-haired angels. One of them kept feeding the fuck-up, while the one with a blond streak held the fuck-up tightly. Soon they would realize just what she was and would thrust her far away.

Hadn’t one of them already seen everything about her? Hadn’t one of them gone through hell and back for her? Don’t let those thoughts take root! They’re poison.

One of them, the fuck-up, held up a hand to stop the next morsel offered. “I’m not allowed happiness. It’s something everyone else can have, but never me.” The fuck-up shook her head. “Whenever I’m happy, it means someone else is suffering — suffering because I’m selfish. You told me… you told me I made the Universe bow to my will… that’s not how it is. The Universe wants me to be alone and in pain.”

Another piece of food poked at her lips. She opened her mouth to let it in.

“Because when we come together, people die.” Chloe’s voice was neutral and without judgment. “And that first week, when everything started, either I died, or Arcadia Bay died. How many times did you reset before-”

“The number isn’t important,” her Captain gently said, and Max trembled. “What’s important is what it forced her to accept at the end.”

Fingers stroked her cheek, sweeping back some hair. “My Captain,” her wife whispered. “If I had known what would happen to you by us coming together…”

“No!” Max opened her eyes; she didn’t care if she dispelled an illusion with her sight. Letting her wife believe such a thing was unthinkable! Her head turned to look at her Captain. “I wouldn’t trade that time for anything,” she choked. “You aren’t to blame!”

“I know,” her Captain whispered with a sad smile. “But neither are you. You’re always putting others before yourself, especially me, us.” She nodded at Chloe. “It’s something I find endearing. But if you don’t love yourself, as much as you love us…” Her words trailed into silence.

Max understood what her Captain was saying, even though she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to hear it! Silence descended on all of them. Her Captain kept feeding her bits of food.

Max let her thoughts return to Chloe’s earlier question, which she had avoided. She looked at her, the way Chloe studied their joined hands, the strange blonde and blue hair, the crinkle at the corners of her eyes. “I will be honest with you, Chloe. What I said months ago is true. I need us to be honest with each other. I’m… I’m the one that fucked up and broke that.” As I do with everything.

“Just like I’ve been broken by everything.” The last sentence was a whisper. Her eyes stared at her lap. “I know… I know I hurt you in ways you didn’t deserve when all you wanted was to help me. I hid from you some ways I was changing, with my abilities, my emotions, and my thinking.

“Everything was happening too fast, and it confused me. When we clicked immediately, well when you wanted to date right away, I knew this time things would be different. I didn’t expect how different everything would be. When I began feeling happy, it scared me.

“Fear has ruled my life, if you can call what I do ‘living,’ for so long… that when new things happened, I didn’t know what to do. I felt lost and afraid. When I finally decided what to do…” Her body started trembling, and she began to pull away. Neither of the Chloes would let her go.

“Please,” she begged, her voice a ragged whisper. “Let me go. I… I hurt you so much; you shouldn’t touch me.”

“Max,” Chloe said warmly. Her fingers rose to touch Max’s shoulder. “Don’t take the burden on yourself of deciding what’s best for me.” She rubbed Max’s shoulder a moment before taking up Max’s hand again.

Chastened, Max slumped back. Chloe spoke true, even if the words hurt. The words spoken in that other place came to mind. ‘My answer would be simple and direct. I want you!’ She’d fallen into her ways again. No! She’d never left them!

Resting her forehead against the heels of her hands, she pushed hard against it. She’d fucked up again! The trembling came back. Had it ever gone away? Not looking at either of them, she continued, “I convinced myself that hurting you, and Steph, Rachel, Kate, even little Emma, was ok.”

The trembling intensified. Both Chloe and her Captain put their arms around her. She clung to their arms as if her life depended upon it. Max hated herself for what she did. She admitted that to herself finally. She hated herself. For everything. Her long history justified hate. She deserved any consequences.

“Hurting you was ok,” she said again with a quavering voice. “Because once I completed what I started so long ago, you wouldn’t remember. The pain would only be temporary. And no one else would suffer and die because I exist.

“Even though…” her voice fell again, still filled with vitriol. Let them see how despicable she was! “Even though I mourned each time I did it. When I made Rachel and William and Steph forget me. To watch that happen… to see the pain I continued to inflict…”

Her knees came up, and she grabbed them, burying her face in them. “Throw me away, please,” she begged. “Treat me like the garbage I am!” Her body shuddered and shook, and her words failed her.

Hands rubbed her shoulders, and she tried to knock them off or swat them away. “Don’t touch me,” she cried, though she hungered for their touch. She retreated, moving to a corner, pushing herself against it. She wanted the walls to open and swallow her. Ducking her head, she covered it with her arms as she crouched facing the wall. “Don’t touch me,” she whimpered.

“You’re not garbage, Max,” Chloe whispered warmly.

“Please,” Max begged, her voice rising in volume as she lost control, “don’t tell me I’m good when I’m not! What kind of person does what I did? What kind of freak removes good things from your life! Treat me the way I deserve, the way I treated you! I’m only good for one thing: to throw away!”

“I won’t throw you away, Max!” Chloe sat within arms reach, her hand hanging in the air. One eye peeking through her arms, Max watched that hand. She hungered for its touch and dreaded it at the same time. Human contact was a privilege Max had lost. The one thing she craved, hungered for. To touch her was to touch death and destruction. It was better nobody touched her.

The hand came closer but halted before it touched her. “You’re scared, aren’t you,” Chloe said. “Scared of being touched. Damn!” Her arm dropped, and she sat cross-legged just out of reach. She looked at her hands, laying in her lap. “I wish… fuck that! You faced impossible choices, Max, put into situations no one should ever be. You made decisions and handled those situations the best you could. You didn’t ask for any of this, and you don’t deserve any of it!”

Raising her head, she looked at Max. The corners of her mouth were turned down. “This is what you fought every day we were together, wasn’t it?” Max didn’t answer. She didn’t need to. “And I couldn't see it,” Chloe spoke softly to herself as her eyes drifted to the wall.

Behind Chloe, her Captain sat, eyes not looking at either of them. “Our life… so much happiness! I wish you knew her when I knew her. But our life together… I fear set her up for the biggest fall. She knew sadness before, and loss. Not like that. I hate how this sounds, and I’m only guessing. With that continuous cycle of death after happiness, I think Max is… conditioned.” Her soft words drew Chloe’s eyes.

“What,” Chloe asked. Her voice raised upward with that one word.

Looking at Max, her Captain said, “I’m sorry, my love.” Such sadness in her voice! “She’s forgotten how to hope, how to let someone truly know her. Every time she hoped, every time she loved, it came to a tragic end. After that cycle repeats a few dozen times, I think anyone would learn not to do those things anymore.

“It’s why she also doesn’t make friends. What’s the use in that when you’re guaranteed to lose them? I… I saw some of it happen and was unable to do anything about it! My Captain…” Her Captain climbed to her feet to come crouch in front of Max.

Like Chloe, her Captain raised her hand to touch her. Max shook her head and tried to shrink away. As before, the hand stopped short of reaching her. Her Captain closed her eyes and tightened her hand into a fist. A few tears trickled down her face. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” she whispered in a broken voice.

Turning, her Captain took Chloe’s hand. “You’re the one she needs. Don’t try to touch her; just sit with her. She’s… Right now she’ll fight against what she wants the most. It’s part of the cycle. Denying what she most craves reinforces her fears.”

With one last look at Max, her Captain said, “I’ll be back… if I can.” She faded away.

Chloe looked at her without expression. “Is it ok if I sit next to you,” she asked. Max nodded. Chloe leaned against the wall, inches away and stretched her legs out. Closing her eyes, she let out a long breath.

“This has been one crazy day,” Chloe said.

Slowly, Max lowered her arms and lifted her head. Her eyes focused on Chloe’s hand, palm flat against the floor. In her mind, the words her Captain spoke repeated over and over. Conditioned. Forgot how to hope.

Carefully, Max unfolded herself to sit like Chloe. If she closed her eyes, she wasn’t in control and what happened, happened. Tilting her head against the wall, she stared at the ceiling. Her hands slipped to the floor by her side. Closing her eyes, she tried to push the oppressive thoughts from her mind.

The sound she dreaded was a distant hum. The singing was beginning again, and the voice inside her raised in answer. Her pinky touched Chloe’s hand, and she stiffened. Chloe said something she didn’t catch.

Focus on the singing! What was it telling her? The song pulled at her, trying to compel some action. With eyes screwed shut, she let her head fall, her chin hitting her chest. Her hand slipped over Chloe’s, and she shuddered.

Don’t touch her! You haven’t earned that right!

“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, Max.” Chloe’s soft words were a roar in her heart.

Biting her lip, Max struggled to stay still, to not say anything.

“Despite whatever mistakes you made, you’re here now. In my room. Alive. You’re my friend. My girlfriend. You’ve kept yourself alive despite impossible odds.

“Everyone makes mistakes. If I… threw away everyone that made a mistake, I wouldn’t have any friends.”

“Hold me.” Words spoken so softly the soft hiss of the air conditioning almost drowned them out.

“What?”

“Hold me, please. Before… before…”

Without another word, she felt Chloe’s hand slip from under hers. Hands pulled her onto Chloe’s lap, into her favorite spot.

Her fingers curled into Chloe’s shirt, pulling hard. Something pressed against the top of her head. A kiss. Max shuddered and trembled. Arms encircled her, and she melted into them in a teary mess.

For a few minutes, she let herself believe that she was where she belonged.


	32. Chapter 32

Chloe kissed the top of Max’s head. What the Captain had said about Max sounded bad. Conditioning. How could she offer help when she barely knew what that was? She idly rubbed Max’s shoulder with one hand.

They sat together until Chloe’s butt went numb, then she held Max longer. Her shirt was a mess, clutched tight in Max’s hand and covered with her tears and other things. A soft whimpering came from her.

Dishonesty, emotional distance, running, and more. How many of these things was Max doing unconsciously? How many behaviors were they unaware of? What was at the root of it?

Did Max even know what kind of help she needed?

Her own pain at Max’s treatment of her still lurked below the surface, stifled momentarily. Chloe’s eyes scanned the messy room. She’d need to face that pain if she hoped to help Max. If Max would let her help.

She pushed that thought away. Resisting help was a natural response, at least in her experience. How many times had Steph tried to help her during her teens? And again recently? Steph had never given up. She didn’t want to give up on Max. She wouldn’t give up on Max!

One thing she knew was they needed to stay here. There was no way she could assist Max without receiving support herself. She needed to discuss this with her, then Steph and Rachel. It wasn’t right to assume any of them would agree. Not tonight, though. The hour was late, and they needed sleep.

Chloe placed a light kiss on Max’s head, then softly said, “Max? I will gladly hold you all night. Can we do it in bed though? It’s more comfortable.”

Max nodded. Her arms snaked around Chloe and gave her a tight hug. Disentangling herself, Max reluctantly slid off Chloe’s lap. “Do you have pajamas for me,” Max asked.

“Shit! No,” Chloe said. “But, I’m sure I have something you can wear.” She stood, then stomped her feet to get blood flowing through her legs again. She limped to her dresser, where she opened a drawer and dug around in it. Finding what she wanted, she gave a triumphant laugh, tossed the item to Max, and closed the drawer.

Unfolding the clothing, Max held it up. A light pink nightshirt that Chloe had kept since her early teens. It was still in good shape because she hadn’t worn it for years.

“Teddy bears and machine guns,” Max asked incredulously.

“I like to imagine they shoot little rainbow bullets,” Chloe said as she began changing into her pajamas.

From behind her, came a little snort. “That I’d like to see.”

Once done, she turned around to find Max wearing the nightshirt. “That’s hella huge on you,” she said with a whistle. The shirt hung to Max’s knees. She had rolled up the sleeves, which kept slipping down.

She held out the neck and looked down the inside of the shirt. “I think there’s room for two in here,” Max said.

“Is that an invitation,” Chloe asked teasingly.

Max made a choking sound and let go of the shirt. Chloe tilted her head as the shirt settled around Max’s body. Did she see the hint of red on Max’s face?

“You’re horrible,” Max finally sputtered. Her face was definitely red. A huge grin lit Chloe’s face.

“Another time, we gotta get our sleep,” Chloe said.

Max turned her back on her and went into the restroom, shutting the door behind her. With the grin still on her face, Chloe went into the front room. She found Rachel and Steph cuddled under a blanket. Things were definitely handsy between the two. Giving a quick status update, Chloe bade them goodnight.

Back in the bedroom, she found Max already under the covers staring at the ceiling. She spotted the corner of Max’s blanket peeking from under her blanket. The girl would be hot tonight!

Completing her bedtime routine, Chloe turned off the light, then slid into bed next to Max. Two months. It had been two months since they last shared a bed. She lay on her back staring into the darkness above.

“Max?”

“Yeah.”

“May I… hold you?”

A body pressed against her side in response. Turning on her side, she slipped her arm over Max. A hand took hers and tangled their fingers together. She kissed the back of Max’s head and Max pressed their joined hands against her chest.

“I missed this.”

“Me too.”

Chloe studied the outline of the girl pressed against her. Under her hand was a steady heartbeat. Her arm moved with each breath Max took. “Can I ask you something?”

After a few seconds, Max hesitantly said, “Yes.”

“What was it like… wherever you were?”

Max let go of her hand and pushed it away. Before Chloe could say anything, Max rolled over and looked at her. “Have you ever been someplace where you didn’t know anyone?”

“Yeah. There was one time in college, Steph, Rachel, and I were invited to a house party. Steph got sick and Rachel stayed home with her, so I went alone. There must have been a couple hundred people there, and I didn’t know a single person.”

“How did it make you feel?”

Chloe paused to think. “Uncomfortable. It was weird going from room to room and seeing all these people I didn’t know. A bunch of nameless faces wrapped up in their partying. For many of them it was like they looked right through me, almost like I didn’t exist.”

Max nodded, then said, “have you ever been to a place by yourself, where you’re the only person around?”

Trying hard not to think about the last two months, Chloe said, “sometimes I’d go to the beach in Arcadia Bay by myself. I’d sit on the rocks and stare at the waves. If I went in early evening, I was usually the only one there.” After a pause, she took the plunge and whispered, “And the last two months living alone in our apartment.”

“What did that feel like?”

“Like I was the only human on earth.”

“Take those two feelings and put them together. Then wrap them in a smothering darkness. It was like that… only worse.”

Chloe studied the girl looking at her. Max looked so serious with her blue eyes glinting in the faint light coming through the blinds. “Thanks for telling me,” she said. “And… I’m sorry for making you think of it.”

Max shrugged her shoulders and said nothing.

Chloe touched her fingers to Max’s cheek savoring its warmth. She didn’t want to repeat some of the mistakes she’d made, but some of the changes would be hard. She debated whether she should voice any of them right now, but Max seemed to be in an open, talkative mood, so, maybe? “Mind if I ask you something else? Something not as deep?”

Placing her hand on Chloe’s arm, Max said, “sure, go ahead.”

“What would you think of moving in with Steph and Rachel?”

Max looked at her silently for a while. “Is that something you need?” She emphasized the word you. Her voice was warm and soft, augmented with notes Chloe couldn’t quite place.

“I’m thinking…” How to say this without saying something mean? “It’s better if we have the additional people to… help me. I know we need to talk about this first, but if I’m to help you at all, I’ll need help too. That’s something… I realized while you were gone.” Her words came in a rush, and she struggled to regain her breath when done. She had pushed the words out quickly, not letting her mind back out.

“Some time ago, Steph told me something,” Max whispered. “That if only you and I did things together, it could lead to relationship and friendship problems.” Her fingers slid up Chloe’s arm to rest on her cheek.

“Can we fix up a corner of your-our bedroom for me to escape to?”

A smile lit Chloe’s face. “We can do that!” Her hand reached up to touch fingertips to Max’s cheek. Her girlfriend closed her eyes at the touch.

“Then let’s do it. I think we have to give my-our landlady thirty days notice, meaning we’ll have to pay at least one more month’s rent. But we can move right away.”

“As easy as that?”

A small smile captured Max’s mouth. “As easy as that,” she echoed.

They spoke of lighter things for a while longer before they fell asleep. Max lay cuddled against Chloe, facing her with her head on Chloe’s arm. That settled the doubt about whether they were still girlfriends.

* * *

Sleep was elusive, but comforting when it did come. When she was in that place, she didn’t need sleep or anything that her physical body required. In a way that was liberating, giving her plenty of time to focus on other pursuits. As Max lay with her cheek against Chloe, she realized she’d rather have her physical limitations.

After a period of wakefulness and no hint of sleep returning, Max slipped out of bed. Locating the bag Chloe used to transport her clothes, she searched it. The bag was empty but, no, there it was! She found her cellphone in an inner pocket. The battery had a little charge, allowing her to check the time. Too damn early is what it was.

Quietly she got dressed, then exited the bedroom and padded down to the front room. She paused a while, remembering events of six months ago. Her cheeks heated as she recalled running from this room after that first shared memory.

Sitting on the same futon where she had that experience, she folded her legs underneath her and leaned back to ponder. And she’d forgotten her blanket. Looking around, she spied one on the opposite futon.

Retrieving the blanket, she returned to the futon and wrapped it around herself. It wasn’t quite as soft as hers, but it would do. Her fingers idly played with its edge while she contemplated.

She let time march on while she wrestled with weighty thoughts. That… thing she called a storm was building in strength again. Her relationship with Chloe was in tatters, how could she repair it? While she was glad to be back in the physical world, it came with its own set of problems. These thoughts and more whirled through her mind. She was resolved not to run from them, no matter what. She could do this!

Even though she was repeating her history again. Sure, she’d never gone to that place, that void, before. But she’d tried not running before, tried standing with Chloe by her side. Tried and failed and resolved to never try again. What was the use?

“It’s different this time.”

There was an edge of bitterness and hardness to her voice she hadn’t heard since… Max turned her head and looked at the blue-haired girl next to her. No. She was a girl no longer, she was a woman. Max realized that now.

“Chloe.” She choked out the name when she saw which one sat next to her. The one she’d sacrificed herself for. The one she’d abandoned.

“You’ve seen some shit, Max. More shit than I did.” Although she spoke frankly, her voice was now tender.

“Chloe, I’m so-”

“It’s not time for goopy mushiness. It’s time for you to lay all your cards on the table. You need to tell her everything.”

“I…”

“Everything, Max.” Original Chloe slowly reached out her hand and tapped a finger in the center of Max’s chest. “Everything in here.”

Max nodded slowly as understanding came to her. “You’re right. I… need to give her the right reasons to hate me.”

Shaking her head, Chloe said. “Not right at all. She won’t hate you.”

“How… how do you know?”

“Because you’re Max fucking Caulfield, and you’re awesome! And… because I don’t hate you.”

Max turned her head away, wanting to refuse those words. “I tried… I really tried, Chloe, to fix all my mistakes and make your life better. But I wasn’t good enough!”

“I know you did, Max, and you are good enough. You’ve done more for me than anyone could expect.”

“If I did, then why aren’t you still alive?”

“But I am. I’m in the bedroom, waiting for you.”

“If you don’t hate me, then why is this the first time you’ve ever spoken to me since… Even the younger version of you has spoken with me.”

It was Chloe’s turn to look away. “Because at first I was confused. I… thought the choice was clear, go back and save Arcadia Bay, or let it be destroyed. Instead, I found myself in some weird… non-existence. Then… I was angry. You were so close, but I couldn’t get to you! It was like… like I was locked out of your life again.

“Even I’m not perfect, Max. I stayed away because I was mad. Then, when my doubles started showing up, it was freaky. Before I knew it I had convinced myself that you didn’t need me anymore. Funny how that works, isn’t it?”

Max shook her head and snorted a little. “It’s too fucking easy, isn’t it?”

“Too easy.” Chloe placed a finger under Max’s chin and applied gentle pressure. Not enough to lift her head, but enough for Max to understand. She raised her head and looked at Chloe.

“My suggestion: tell her everything. She’ll be mad, but she won’t hate you. Then tell Steph and… Rachel.” Her face twisted when she said Rachel’s name and Max’s hand immediately reached out to give her shoulder a squeeze.

“I’m sorry,” Max said, “I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

“Hey,” Chloe said, her voice thick and choked, “seeing her alive without those fuckers Prescott and Jefferson around? And being Steph’s girlfriend? Shit’s awesome! Steph used to bug me about Rachel in school-”

“What? You knew Steph in school?”

Chloe looked at her, puzzled. “We played D&D together. She was like my gay aunt, but just as interested in Rachel as I was. Her family moved away before senior year. She never had to…” She shook her head as if to clear it. “Doesn’t matter. Tell Steph and Rachel what’s at risk. They don’t need to know everything, just what’s at stake.”

“Why… did you come here?”

Chloe was silent for a few minutes. She lowered her head and looked at her hands. Her left hand played with the bracelets looped around her right wrist. “Because you found your angel… and I don’t want you to lose her.”

Max looked away again; the import of those words were not lost on her. It seemed only yesterday that Chloe told her, "Rachel Amber. She was my Angel." For her to say that about Max and the Chloe from this time…

A finger brushed her cheek and Max looked back at Chloe. She wore the same soft expression as that night on the bluff during the storm. “You are fucking worth it.” Leaning in, Chloe gave her a gentle kiss on the corner of her mouth. “You may be the lord of time now, but you are still Max fucking Caulfield, my friend.”

“Thank you,” Max whispered. Her hands ached to hold Chloe. With a smile, Chloe took her hands, gave them a squeeze, and stood up. “I need to get out of here before I lose my mind,” she said, not looking Max in the eye. Without another word, she disappeared.

For a while, Max stayed seated on the futon, wrapped in the blanket and thinking about the visit. Original Chloe was right. Max needed to tell current Chloe everything.

Then Chloe would hate her.

Then everyone would hate her.

Then everyone would treat her like she deserved, as garbage.

Her face scrunched at the thought and her eyes and hands closed tightly. Worthless. A hardness formed in her throat, and she couldn’t swallow. Useless. The blanket or her shirt were too tight and she couldn’t breath. Garbage.

No. She had a plan. A plan that ensured everyone rejected her. Then her pain would be complete. Her throat softened, and her chest could move freely again. She looked at her phone. It was 7 AM. She didn’t expect any of the others to be awake just yet, but she could at least speed things up.

Leaving the couch, Max went into the kitchen. Washing the few dirty dishes, she began preparing breakfast, starting with coffee. In the fridge she found eggs and potatoes. That sounded like a good combination.

Setting both on the counter, she found and got out the various pans and utensils she’d need. A few spices were hidden in a cupboard which she retrieved and set next to the other items. Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she washed her hands again and began preparing the meal.

The potatoes were simmering nicely, and she’d just poured the eggs into the pan when she felt hands slip around her waist. Max jerked, sending some egg splattering across the stove. “Is this ok,” Chloe whispered after giving her neck a soft kiss.

Setting down the bowl, Max leaned back, savoring the moment. Arms around her waist, fingers gently tickling her belly, warm body behind her, everything whispered comfort. She relaxed for a minute, letting herself enjoy it. A moment was all she could allow herself.

Straightening, Max grabbed a paper towel to cleanup the egg. “Yes, it’s ok,” she said as she cleaned the stove.

“Back one day and you’re already doing domestic stuff,” Chloe commented, not loosening her hold.

Ignoring the comment, Max set aside the paper towel and began working the eggs. “I couldn’t sleep,” she said, “so decided since I was already up I may as well make breakfast for everyone.”

Chloe’s hands disappeared from her waist and Max froze. Her back and waist were now cold and ached for that touch to return. Shaking herself, she refocused on the eggs.

Behind her, she heard the sounds of pouring coffee. A moment later, Chloe popped herself on the counter by the sink, coffee cup in hand. “Your food smells good,” she said after a sip.

“Thanks.” Max stirred the eggs and checked on the potatoes. The eggs would be done soon. She gave the eggs one last twirl, then set the spatula aside. Touching the handle of the pan, a soft blue glow appeared around it.

Max turned off the flame and put the spatula in the sink. Leaning against the counter opposite the stove, Max sipped her own coffee. She agreed with Chloe; the potatoes did smell good.

“Won’t the eggs get cold,” Chloe asked.

Setting the cup down, Max braced herself against the counter. Might as well get straight to the point. “No,” she whispered, “with little to do while I was… away, I learned more about my abilities.”

From the corner of her eye, she saw Chloe look at the skillet with its faint blue glow, then back at her. “You’re talking upgrades?”

“If that helps.” Damn, she was flippant this morning!

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Max said as she stepped back to the stove. The potatoes were browning nicely. With a fork she flipped each potato cube, then set the fork down.

“Shoot,” Chloe said around another sip of coffee.

“Coming back means the storm comes back as well. It’s already building in strength.”

“Then we’ll get Steph and Rachel in a car and drive us far away.”

Shaking her head, Max’s hands clasped each other. They began kneading each other painfully. “No. It will follow us.” She forced her hands apart, then, knowing the path she walked was long, she touched the handle of the pan containing the potatoes. The potatoes began browning rapidly, and she turned them again. After repeating the process once more, she turned off the heat and stopped touching the pan. Like the eggs, a faint blue glow coated the pan and its contents.

“Damn.”

Max returned to the counter, her eyes staying fixed on the stove.

“Did you just speed up cooking the potatoes?”

Nodding, Max still didn’t look at Chloe. “Do you remember on the way back from Medford when I told you the storm was calling me?”

“Yes.” Chloe stretched the word out, rising in pitch.

Her hands clenched the counter so tight it hurt. She had to tell Chloe! Taking that step was so hard! There was no turning back, and once Chloe knew… Her head dropped to stare at her shoes.

She would hate Max.

Garbage.

“You can do it,” came a young voice. A slender blonde-haired girl with a pirate cat t-shirt stepped into view. Her eyes scanned them and the kitchen, a wry smile on her face. “She’ll be there with you. You won’t be alone.”

Chloe slipped off the counter and almost dropped her coffee. “Is that…”

“I’m you, Rainbow Head. What happened to your hair?”

“You at fourteen,” Max said hollowly, “from the original timeline.”

Young Chloe didn’t wait for older Chloe to answer her question. With a grin, she stepped closer to Max and touched her elbow. “It will be just like blowing up Barbies! It sounds scarier than it is.”

The memory brought a wan smile to Max’s face. “Thank you,” she said, “You’ve always had more confidence in me, than I did in myself.”

“That’s what BFFs are fucking for,” young Chloe replied cheerfully.

Max snorted. “And that,” she added softly. Young Chloe glanced at older Chloe. Her eyes gave her a quick scan up and down. “You know how lucky you are to have Max fucking Caulfield as your friend?” Turning her voice into a stage whisper, she said, “she’s special, but don’t let her know that! She’ll get the big head.”

“You are awesome, Max.”

Shaking her head, Max stepped away from the counter. “I’m not,” she whispered, her eyes shifting from Chloe to Chloe. Focusing on young Chloe, she said, “I’ll tell her… after breakfast.”

“Tell me what?” Chloe was at her side now, reaching around her to the carafe.

“Everything,” Max whispered. She watched Chloe fill her cup then replace the carafe. All done around Max. Chloe could have stepped around her, and done all that without any awkwardness. But she didn’t. She did it where she’d have to be close to Max, even touch her to get to the coffee.

“After breakfast,” Chloe asked with a smirk as she took a sip. Max nodded, then glanced over to see that young Chloe was gone.

“So,” Chloe drawled, “tell me about your upgrades.”

Max opened her mouth, but right then Steph and Rachel stuck their heads into the kitchen. “See,” Rachel said, elbowing Steph, “I told you I smelled Chloe’s cooking.”

“Ain’t mine,” Chloe said, backing out of Max’s space. “It’s all Max’s doing.” Composing herself, Max stepped to the stove and touched each pan. The blue glow disappeared and the sound of sizzling potatoes filled the air.

“There’re eggs, potatoes, and coffee,” Max said as she piled some plates on the counter. Moving to step outside, Chloe caught her arm.

“No, you don’t,” Chloe said, “you cooked it. You get the first serving.” Without a word, Max picked up a plate and loaded it up with some food. Refilling her coffee cup, she grabbed some silverware and went to the front room.

Sitting at the table, she watched the others file out of the kitchen. She was the only one not wearing pajamas, and she felt overdressed. The other three seated themselves at the table and all four dug into the food.

For several minutes only the sounds of eating were heard. After finishing her eggs, and starting on the potatoes, Steph said, “so, what are the plans for today?”

No one answered. After several seconds of silence, Chloe said, “Rach, have you heard from Taiwo or the band?”

Taking a sip of coffee to wash down some food, Rachel swallowed and said, “Everyone made it out. Taiwo got a little bruised helping people get out, but nothing bad.”

Max stared at her food. She had no idea who or what they were talking about and was afraid to ask. Setting down her fork, she steeled herself and said, “What happened?”

Looking first at Rachel and Steph, Chloe turned her eyes on Max. “You came back in the most badass way, complete with a lightning show!” She gave a brief account of last night’s events.

Max’s heart sank lower and lower with each twist of the story. Her head and eyes followed suit. Although Chloe kept her voice light and non-judgmental, there was no escaping the fact that her return had hurt people.

“Please stop,” she whispered. Chloe’s words faded into silence. Steph and Rachel had finished their meals. Rachel awkwardly excused herself and took hers and Steph’s plates to the kitchen. She didn’t come back.

Resting her arms on the table, Steph leaned forward. “You’re not responsible,” she said softly.

Max lifted her head and gave Steph a sharp look. Before she could say anything, Chloe placed her hand on hers. “You’re not, Max.” Her words were warm and drew her eyes.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Max said. “My return caused that! It’s-” She cut herself off with a growl. Closing her eyes, she focused on the feel of her clothes. Her socks were itchy, making her feet beg for scratching or rubbing. She wiggled her toes in her shoes, feeling their constriction. These were things she chose to feel.

With her eyes still closed, she said, “I know you mean well, Steph, but please don’t say that.” Turning her hand, she caught Chloe’s and held onto it. “Take me somewhere, please? I need… I need to tell you something.”

“Sorry, Max,” Steph said. Max opened her eyes and gave Steph a small smile.

She reached toward Steph with her other hand. For a moment her hand hesitated, then she touched Steph. “It’s ok,” Max said. “Thank you for trying to help. It’s… telling me that doesn’t help me.”

Pursing her lips, Steph nodded. Rachel returned from the kitchen then with a fresh pot of coffee. She refilled hers and Steph’s, but Max and Chloe declined.

“Where do you want to go,” Chloe asked, then drained the rest of her coffee.

“Someplace we can walk and talk.”

“One of your quiet places?”

Max nodded, then drained the rest of her coffee. Standing, she collected hers and Chloe’s dishes and moved to take them to the kitchen. Steph stopped her before she could take a step. “Let us clean up, Max. You made breakfast; you shouldn’t have to clean up.”

Letting Steph take the dishes from her, she watched Steph and Rachel go into the kitchen. “Give me a few minutes to get ready,” Chloe said as she rose from the chair. “Then we can go.”

“Can we also go by the apartment and get more of my clothes? I’d rather wear clean ones.”

Chloe gave her a look she couldn’t process, then nodded. “Let’s do that after we talk.” She walked toward the bedroom, disappearing around the corner of the hall. Realizing she needed to brush her teeth, Max followed her and did just that. Afterward, she returned to the front room.

Finding herself alone, except for the sounds of cleanup in the kitchen, Max reseated herself on the futon and snuggled under the blanket, tucking it below her chin. Whose blanket was this? She didn’t remember anyone using a blanket before. Of course, back then, most of her attention was on Chloe or herself.

Her fingers played with the fringe of the blanket while she thought. Keeping her mind and attention on something less weighty would do her good. Her eyes roved over the front room, looking for differences, but there were none. Video games were piled on the top of the little cabinet that supported the TV. Some movies were there as well. A couple of laptops were present, reminders of the photo shoots that had pulled her into this life.

The living room was lived in, without looking like a mess. Steph interrupted Max’s musing when she came into the room and sat on the futon opposite her. She sat with her legs drawn underneath her, the large night shirt stretched over them.

Steph looked at Max, then away. Her hair still had that “slept in” look, with strands going in all directions. Max realized her own hair likely needed brushed too.

Steph’s presence made Max uncomfortable. Her eyes would stray to Steph, then dart away. Being face-to-face with someone she hurt with her power made Max uncomfortable and fed her own negative thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” Max whispered after a long silence. Steph’s hands flinched at the sound and her eyes flicked to Max, then away again.

Steph smoothed the nightshirt over her knees. “For?”

“Taking away your memories. I won’t try to excuse it… it was a shitty thing for me to do to a friend.”

Steph stirred and moved her feet to the floor. “I don’t know what I think about you doing that, yet,” she said. “Are you able to return them? It’s weird seeing you, knowing I should have memories about you. But there’s nothing there.”

Max looked at her hands. The blanket’s hem now occupied her fingers. They folded it back and forth as they traveled along its length. “I don’t know.” Realizing that sounded rather weak, Max looked at Steph. “You were the first person to try being my friend in a long time. I’ll do my best to figure out how to return your memories.”

“You can’t just reverse what you did?”

Shaking her head, Max said, “It may not be that simple. I’ve never tried, because… I’ve been focused on other things.”

They lapsed into silence again. Max continued playing with the blanket and Steph kept studying her. It was uncomfortable sitting with a person who should know her but didn’t because of her actions. A thought occurred to her and Max said, “Thank you for being there for Chloe… when I wasn’t.”

Those words brought a smile to Steph. “She’s my closest friend, closer than Rachel in some ways. I wish she’d accepted help sooner.”

“What do you mean?” Max had her full attention on Steph now.

“You haven’t talked about the last two months yet?” A tone of caution was in Steph’s voice.

“No… it hasn’t come up yet.” Because she was selfish! She’d seen the signs. Chloe’s room looked like a tornado had gone through it. That thought made her shudder, but didn’t dispel the sinking sensation in her gut. Last night she’d been so focused on herself she hadn’t looked to Chloe’s needs.

“Chloe missed you more than a Paladin misses their daily communion. She may not admit as much though. You’ll need to get her to tell you.”

At that moment, Chloe entered the room, dressed and with car keys dangling from a finger. Mouthing a thank you to Steph, Max slipped from under the blanket and went to the door. “We’ll see you sometime this afternoon,” Chloe said as she opened the door. Rachel called out a goodbye from the kitchen. Max waved, then followed Chloe out the door and down the stairs.

Outside everything smelled of fresh rain. Clouds obscured the sky and a light drizzle, almost a mist, fell. Chloe opened the car for them and Max got in. After buckling up, she leaned the seat back and closed her eyes. The vibration of the engine sent a soothing hum into her.

The car moved, but she kept her eyes closed. Right now she needed to focus on two things: Chloe’s needs and what she needed to tell her.

They drove for several minutes in silence, not even the radio playing. A hand curled around Max’s, causing her to open her eyes and look around. Chloe flashed her a quick smile then returned her eyes to the road.

Water was everywhere, standing in puddles and streaming down the gutters. A few intersections they went through were completely underwater. There were no signs of flooding though, at least in the areas they drove through.

Max curled her hand around Chloe’s fingers, her eyes fixed on the scenes outside. She couldn’t bring herself to look at her girlfriend, not while there were so many signs of the storm she wrought. Several minutes passed by before she realized they were headed toward their old apartment.

“I thought we were going to one of my quiet places,” Max asked as she turned to face Chloe.

“We are,” Chloe replied in a matter-of-fact voice. Her shoulders relaxed a fraction then, and she added, “One of my favorite memories is walking around the neighborhood after bringing you home from the hospital.”

Contemplating that a few moments, Max reminded herself that she wasn’t the only one needing help right now. Bringing their hands onto her lap where her other hand joined them, she looked a while at Chloe’s hand. With her other hand she lightly stroked its back.

“I don’t know how to ask this question,” she said softly, “there are too many things going through my head. What did my leaving do to you?”

Silence descended after her question. Chloe kept her eyes fixed on driving. The silence lasted so long, Max feared she’d said something wrong.

She looked at Chloe. The grimace on her face tightened Max’s throat. Her hands stopped their motion and Chloe took hers away to wipe across her eyes.

“It fucked me up. I felt abandoned and worthless.” Chloe’s voice was so low it was hard to hear above the sounds of the car. “My first girlfriend in ages and you left… It broke my heart and my soul.”

Chloe’s words made Max squirm in her seat. The frankness of those words wormed through her internal self-preservation to reach her heart. Max tried to focus on her words, instead of the defenses that wanted to protect her.

“I’m sorry.” The words tasted like ash. “How… how can I repair what I did?”

Chloe pulled the car to the curb in front of the apartment and shut off the engine. Taking the key from the ignition, she pocketed it, undid her seat belt and turned to face Max. “Start by not repeating that. Don’t shut me out anymore. Don’t… don’t make decisions for me without talking with me first.”

Lifting her hand, Chloe touched her cheek. “You’re in pain too, Max. A pain I barely comprehend. That doesn’t excuse what you did, but it helps me… see it differently.”

Leaning forward, Chloe kissed her. At first, Max stiffened, her mind rebelling against the thought Chloe should touch her. The fingers on her cheek moved into her hair, spreading warmth wherever they touched.

Closing her eyes and yanking her mind from the negative spiral, Max focused on Chloe’s touch. Soft lips on hers and fingers lightly stroking her head brought a little whimper from her. She savored the way Chloe smelled and tasted, wanting to capture that and make it a part of herself.

Something stirred inside her. Not the chaos that rejected all good things, but something deeper, more intrinsic to her. Whatever it was, it was powerful as it pushed through and overwhelmed her defenses. Her hands trembled as she raised them to touch Chloe, fingertips resting lightly on her cheeks.

Their kiss became salty and Max couldn’t hold herself still any longer. She broke away with a sob, turning her head so Chloe couldn’t see her.

“Don’t,” she choked, her breathing no longer under her control. “Don’t let me sabotage this.”

“That’s not up to me,” Chloe said. “That’s up to both of us.” Her hand brushed hair away from Max’s cheek to stroke it. “Is there something I can do to help you… fight that?”

Max sat, her emotions warring within her. The touch of Chloe’s fingers on her cheek stirred more emotion than they calmed. In a small, tight voice, she said, “Keep reminding me why I came back.”

“And why did you come back?”

“I came back… for you.”


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: depictions of a major character death. Suggestions of drug use.

“What do you mean, you came back for me? Didn’t you leave ‘for me’ also?” Chloe’s head was cocked to the side, one eyebrow raised.

“I…” Max’s hands wadded her shirt into bunches. She looked away, not able to meet Chloe’s gaze.

Chloe took her hands, stopping their worrying. “Hey, don’t worry about it. For now, if I see you trying to push me away, I’ll say ‘Remember why you came back!’ You can tell me the deets later.”

The words took tension away from Max. Her throat loosened, allowing her to swallow and for her breathing to even out. “Sorry,” she said.

“Max?”

“Yes?”

“There’s nothing to apologize for.”

With a tight smile, Max said, “My mind disagrees. For now… let’s get out of the car.”

Undoing her seatbelt, Max opened the door and exited the car. The air still had the freshness that comes after a rainfall. She closed the door and leaned against it, taking a deep breath of the fresh air.

Max let the air and its clean scent permeate her body. With eyes closed, she enjoyed the cool breeze on her skin. The sounds of birds in the trees soothed her ears and dampened the distant traffic. Warmth to her left told her Chloe was next to her.

Slipping her arm into Chloe’s, Max laid her head on her shoulder. Too many things were coming at her, but for now she found a center.

Chloe’s arm moved, disturbing her head, but she didn’t move away. After some jostling, Chloe lifted her left hand and slipped something onto her finger. “For you, my Captain,” she whispered as Max’s eyes fluttered open.

Her wedding ring was back on her finger. A desire to rip it off and fling it away consumed her! She didn’t deserve this! Before she could act on it, Chloe closed her hand over hers. “Let’s go for that walk now,” she whispered as she stepped into Max’s space to look into her eyes.

The sight of those blue eyes quelled the churning inside Max. Nodding, her body relaxed and she stepped away from the car.

They made their way down the sidewalk, the mid-morning light dreary through the clouds. Leaves heavy with rain hung over the sidewalk, releasing tiny showers when brushed. They walked in silence, Max engrossing her mind with the sounds of life around them: birds whistling and chirping, the breeze in the shrubs and trees, the murmur of voices, distant traffic.

She clung to Chloe’s arm, using it to anchor herself against the internal tumult that insisted on overwhelming her. Her finger burned where the wedding band was, a sign of her mistakes. Chloe held that hand tightly.

Ahead, Max spied the empty lot drawing near. In her mind snow covered it, decorated with her snow person and the huge art Chloe had constructed. She stopped walking opposite the lot and stared at it. Laughter and jokes came to her ears, echoes of months-old memories.

Now the lot was green instead of white. Grasses and wild shrubs dotted the expanse. “I wonder why that lot is empty,” Chloe mused. Max shrugged and moved closer to her. She knew that with a thought she could return to that time where those memories were formed.

“Do you remember,” Max whispered, “the night I… abandoned you I said I was the storm?”

“Yes.” Chloe drew out the word, with a deep timbre added to it.

“I… wasn’t speaking in metaphor.” Please hate me!

“What… did you mean?”

“Please hate me.” Her whisper was barely audible and Max stiffened. She hadn’t meant to say that aloud!

“Why would I hate you?”

“It’s better if I show you.” She would bare her soul to Chloe, show her what kind of person she really was. Then Chloe could treat her the way she deserved.

“May I hold you?”

Instead of answering, Chloe took her into her arms. Max ducked her head, pressed against her chest. Her eyes screwed up as she tried and failed to keep control of herself. She started shaking as Chloe’s arms tightened. Please throw me away!

* * *

The wind roared, driving Max away from the precipice. She stumbled backwards, arms flailing to correct her balance. Cold, hard rain lashed at her face, stinging wherever it struck. The weather was as merciless to her body as this entire week had been to her heart and soul.

She stood numb and worn down by standing in this place once again. How many times had it been? 20? 30? Did it even matter? She’d lost count, the exercise useless against reality. Her mind cursed the storm again. Each time she thought she’d found a way to beat the storm, it had beat her instead.

“Max…” Chloe words were laden with grief and care alike. “It’s time.”

The words tore through her, sparking guilt and more. She’d let everyone down, but most of all, she’d let Chloe down. No matter how many things she changed during this week, it always turned out the same! The two, together, on this cliff, watching a storm bear down on the town.

Let her best friend, truly her only friend, die? Or let a town die?

No. Let herself die. Looking at Chloe one last time, she ducked her head and turned away. “I tried so hard,” she said, words nearly lost in the crackle of lightning and rush of wind. “Watching you die… watching the town die…”

Max stepped to the edge of the bluff and opened her arms wide. She saw it. Buried deep in the center of the storm, something terrible pulsed.

“What are you doing,” Chloe cried. Grief punctuated her words as her hand clasped Max on the shoulders.

Giving one last look at her friend, Max tried to give her a smile, to reassure her. The smile didn’t make it past the thought, dying before it reached her lips. “Removing what should never have been,” she said.

Sinking her consciousness deep within herself, she tapped the power that lay inside. Instead of turning it outward to shape time, she turned it inward. From across the distance she felt the broken, erratic beat in the depths of the storm. And it noticed her.

A sharp stab of something shot through Max’s head and she stumbled back a step with a horrific cry! Gritting her teeth as something warm and sticky trickled over her lips, she braced herself. She pushed and pulled and screamed and beat at her power, increasing it beyond any limit she’d ever experienced!

Her breath rushed from her, pushed out by some great force within. Mouth agape, she gulped for air, but it wouldn’t come! Falling to one knee, she forced her mind away from breathing and onto what she was doing. If she succeeded, breathing wouldn’t be important. Grabbing and tearing at the heart of the storm across the bay, it came to her reluctantly, attacking her senses.

The burning started in her fingertips, sweeping up her arms into her mind. The scorching spread deep inside, flaring intensely with each pulse of the storm. The thing fought her, first in resistance, then for supremacy. Her senses were ravaged as it tore through her, wild and untamable!

Her body wanted to come apart and spread itself across Arcadia Bay and Northern Oregon! Fissures and cracks opened in her, spreading faster than she could identify and fight. A shrill sound drowned out the wind and lightning, high and piercing. A tiny part of her mind recognized it was her voice, screaming as the storm invaded her.

An instant later, the storm both inside and outside were gone. Panting, she lay sprawled on the muddy ground. Everything ached. A moment later that ache was replaced with a burning that filled her from head to toe. Her body tensed and heaved, flailing and striking everything within reach.

That too passed, leaving her empty and drained. “Max?” Chloe’s voice came from a great distance, crossing endless voids to reach her. Max opened her eyes to see Chloe crouched over her, face twisted in worry and pain. Beyond her, the sky was shrouded by dark clouds, no longer dropping rain or lightning.

No part of her body would respond, except to return a fiery sensation. Her breath came in sharp gasps, burning her chest and throat with an icy dryness. She needed to tell Chloe something! What did she need to tell her?

The need to speak became insistent and she struggled to sit up. The motion forced cries from her and she saw Chloe flinch. Hurriedly, Chloe put her arms under her and helped Max sit up. She clung to Chloe, fearing if she let go she’d fall, not to the ground, but to somewhere else.

Over Chloe’s shoulder she saw a seam appear among the clouds, a lessening of the color. It grew longer and wider, a heralding of the storm’s end.

Only it wasn’t. Between the edges of the seam was a nothingness that consumed the mind and defied comprehension. The seam flew across the sky, its edges harsh and ugly in its non-colors. The growing chasm pulled at her, singing a harsh song that grated and pummeled the mind.

Her fingers tightened on Chloe and distantly she heard a cry of pain. Chloe’s cry. Her mind rebelled at what she was seeing, refusing to believe it even as she watched the sky disappear into the void.

What had she done?

She’d meant to bring an end to herself, but she’d brought something else instead.

Her fingers loosened, and her body lost all its strength. Chloe said something she couldn’t hear and jostled her. Max’s turned her wide eyes to Chloe’s face. Chloe wasn’t paying attention to the world around them, she was focused on Max. But she couldn’t understand why.

She saw it speeding towards them, consuming the sky, the land, the ocean, everything around them. The void come onward, always hungry.

“Chloe…” her voice disappeared as quickly as it came.

“Max, I-” Chloe, and all things, disappeared. Max stood in a void where once a Universe existed. Alone.

* * *

Chloe’s arms were around her, touching her! She couldn’t allow it! Chloe shouldn’t touch someone as despicable as her! Max pushed away, her arms hugging herself as she turned to face the street.

Inside her, another storm raged, brought to life by reliving that memory. She knew Chloe would have questions, and she deserved answers. That would feed the storm until it destroyed her. Which is the least she deserved.

“What… what did I just see?” Chloe placed a hand on her shoulder as she asked the question. Max stepped away, letting it slide off of her.

“The end.”

“But that’s… what?”

Lowering her head Max, sighed. “Like I said before, I couldn’t bear to let you or Arcadia Bay die. As I replayed that week over and over, I got better at my powers. That allowed me to notice something strange about the storm.

“At its heart, the original storm was a response to my time manipulation. Its core was a fragment or shard of time. When I ripped it free, it fused with me, remade me, and reality fell apart.”

Silence greeted her words, which was better than she expected. But really, how would you accept learning that space and time had been destroyed by someone you called a friend?

“Why… what were you trying to do?” Chloe’s voice had no hate or anger in it, no matter how much Max wished they were present. She wanted, no, she needed it!

“I…” For some reason she hesitated. Admitting to the destruction of all things rolled smoothly off her tongue. Why not this?

Hands gripping her elbows tightly, Max mustered what little courage she had left. “I was trying to end myself. I’m the problem, have been all along. I thought by taking that time fracture, it would undo me and make everything better. Without me. The way it’s supposed to be.”

Max could feel Chloe standing behind her in her personal space. Her body trembled from the battle inside her. She wanted so much for Chloe to touch her, to accept her. At the same time, she wanted Chloe to reject her, to send her into the timeless void that she’d sent everything else into. A fitting end for a mistake of existence.

“Instead… I undid all things,” she whispered.

“Why do you think everything will be better without you,” Chloe said slowly.

“Because I’m to blame for everything. I… I wasn’t good enough to be your friend. I abandoned you when you needed me most. I’m the reason time is broken, because I used my power. If I never existed… none of this would have happened. That’s the lesson I learned from living that week over and over.”

“You’re not a problem, Max. You never have been. You’re the solution.”

Max bit her tongue, the pain a reminder of what she was. Even after seeing what Max did, how could Chloe believe such a thing?

“I’m the constant,” she said bitterly. “In all timelines, in all variations of that week, me and my fuck-ups are the only constant. I’m to blame. My undoing all things proves it.”

Chloe touched her again, and Max scooted away.

“Can you… give that… fracture back?”

Shaking her head, Max said, “I don’t know. I… I’ve never tried. It’s not… separate from me.”

A hand rested on her waist and she spun away. “D-Don’t,” she begged. “I don’t deserve that! Not after what I did!”

“If everything came to an end, Max, then how are we here?”

Max didn’t have an answer for that. Chloe moved in front of her so she turned away. Again Chloe stepped into Max’s view. “I get that you hate yourself for what happened,” she said kindly. “We’re still here, and as long as we’re here, we should focus on what we can do. Not on what’s already happened.”

Toeing the sidewalk, Max thought about her words. Fingers touched her arm and she flinched, but didn’t pull away. The fingers slid down her arm to take hers.

Max shuddered at the touch, her mind recoiling. “Please don’t,” she whispered. “I’m not worth it.”

“But you are,” Chloe whispered in return. “You’re worth it to me. Remember why you came back.”

Max looked at Chloe and remembered.

“Let’s go, Flo,” Chloe said, pulling gently on her hand.

“Really,” Max exclaimed, “a bad rhyme right now?” But her feet were walking and she followed after Chloe.

They walked in silence, Chloe not giving an answer to her question. In the quiet neighborhood, it was easy to let weighty things like the fate of the Universe fade into the background. Max snorted at the thought. Her feet tracked an endless pace alongside Chloe, who had her own destination in mind.

“What was she like?”

“Huh?” Chloe’s question pulled Max from her musings and confused her.

“You gave up everything, even your own life, for the original version of me. What was she like?”

Stopping in mid-stride, Max looked at her. “You’ve seen my memories of her.”

“Sure,” Chloe said, her gaze intense with interest. “Those are just glimpses of her life and at some point it turned into memories of you and… the Captain.”

Studying her shoes at Chloe’s response, Max noticed her feet were becoming used to being in socks and shoes again. “It’s… hard to explain,” she said slowly. “Like you, of course, only more so with the puns and bad jokes. She… she inspired me in many ways.”

Her feet returned to walking as she spoke. “She’s the one that encouraged me to pursue photography. Whenever I faltered, doubting myself or my value, she was there to praise me. And not with empty words either. She had specific examples and then would turn her little speech into a bad pun.

“And I abandoned her.” Her voice broke on that sentence. “When she needed me most.”

“What happened,” Chloe prompted when Max didn’t continue.

“My parents moved to Seattle when I was thirteen, right after William died. I… let the friendship lapse. Dealing with my anxiety, losing Chloe and William… I shut down. It was the easiest way to deal with it, but at a great cost.

“The next time I saw Chloe was five years later when Nathan shot her in the bathroom at Blackwell.”

A blue butterfly flew by as Max spoke those words, followed by another. Max followed them with her eyes, stopping her walk as she spied more.

“What are those,” Chloe asked. “Last week they showed up again. When they did, I was the only one who saw them. Later in the week, Steph and others saw them as well.”

“They’re itty bitty pieces of time,” came a new voice.

Max froze at the sound. Looking ahead, Max saw her leaning against a fence. A cigarette hung from her fingers and a stream of bluish smoke wafted from between her lips. Chloe’s hand tightened on hers when she caught sight of the woman.

Where the Captain had been a force of nature, the person before them defied nature. She stepped away from the fence and the way she walked was as if she gave gravity permission to influence her.

“Max has always been hard on herself,” original Chloe said as she stepped into their presence. “Too hard. Her story is a bit one-sided. But then she only knows that side. Not her fault.” Max turned her head away as she spoke, to deny them.

Original Chloe stuck out her hand then, saying, “Hi, I’m the original.” Hesitantly Chloe took the proffered hand and shook.

Looking at her hand, original Chloe said, “This takes touching myself to a whole nuther level.” Returning her gaze to take in both of them she continued, “Max encouraged me with my art and ideas. She’s genuine, a real person that helped keep me grounded, just like I kept her grounded. We complemented each other. Together our ideas were better, and so were we.”

Stepping away, she took a long drag on her cigarette and blew the smoke out in a stream. “The butterflies show up when something weird is happening, or going to happen, with time. The first one appeared in the Blackwell girls bathroom, right?” She looked at Max, who nodded.

“That’s when all this started.”

“How do you… know,” current Chloe asked her.

Inspecting the burning end of her cigarette, original Chloe flicked the ember, then extinguished it. She slipped the stub into a pocket and said, “Those things aren’t quite the same any more. Oh, yeah, how do I know? Just like Max knows: observation and putting clues together. Although, I and the other Chloe’s have an advantage. We aren’t as close to the situation as Max.

“That allows us to see things she may miss. Sorry, Max. My advantage is I’ve been here from the beginning. Max…” She stepped closer, her gaze locked on Max. A hand reached toward the brown-haired woman, hesitating but a moment before settling on her shoulder. “You’ve felt it, haven’t you?”

“Felt… what exactly,” current Chloe asked. Her interruption sparked a grin on original Chloe.

“Just like me, isn’t she,” she said.

“Felt what,” Max echoed.

“How many timelines are you holding onto? Tens? Hundreds? Thousands?”

Max turned her head away again, resisting the urge to run, but for how long?

“There are cracks, if you look for them. That’s where the butterflies come from, cracks in space and time. You’re coming apart, Max. The view from my side is scary. I… don’t know what the fix is. How long can you hold yourself together?”

Her voice dropped into silence, having said all that was needed. Original Chloe let her hand slip from Max’s and looked at her double. “There’s something I need to tell you.” She walked away, signalling the other Chloe to follow with a jerk of her head.

Max watched them go, wondering what Chloe needed to say to her double. A twinge of something went through her, jealousy maybe? That was weird though.

“You don’t need my permission to love her.” The Captain’s quiet words made Max jump. The Captain stood behind her, hands in her pockets and looking at Max. Her blue eyes captured Max with their soft glow in the morning light.

“What do you mean?” Her question, although innocent, sounded defensive. She winced at the tone of her voice.

“I know you kind of broke when I died and you’re afraid to love again. I should have told you this a long time ago. Loving someone else doesn’t disrespect me or my memory. The Original is right… she’s your angel. As much as, if not more than I was.”

“I don’t know if I can really love again.” The words come out before her mind could catch up. “Why… why are you telling me this?”

The Captain stepped in front of her and lowered her head to look Max square in the eyes. “Because you’re shutting down again. The openness and honesty you had when you returned from the void is being replaced by your defenses. And if you shut her out… The Original is right, you’re coming apart, Max. I’m scared for you.

“You can love again! You’re not beyond hope, and you’re not worthless.”

Max ached to touch her, to hold her. Her hands reached for the Captain, intent on feeling her shape, her softness once more. The Captain stepped away with a shake of her head and mouth turned down. With glistening eyes she said, “Please don’t. I’m not… real anymore. She is. And she needs that attention.”

Her hands dropped, with nothing to soothe the ache they had. Her heart churned and her stomach had fallen at the Captains words. Her voice hollow in her own ears, Max asked, “What do you suggest?”

“Do whatever it takes to stop the resets. Find a way to heal. Take an interest in her wellbeing, not just yours.”

Max eyed her, face tight as the suggestions rolled in. Her wife was correct though, and her face relaxed as she let go of the resistance.

At that moment a shout interrupted her thoughts. Turning, she saw both Chloes running toward her.

Turning, she saw Chloe pointing at the sky.

Turning, she saw Chloe running towards her, alone.

Behind her the Captain cursed, making Max look around.

The ever present clouds had turned black and angry, with lightning shooting across them. Muffled thuds of things hitting the ground echoed around them.

Max flinched as she saw dead birds lying on the street. Bodies outlined in blue.

Max flinched as birds flew into the houses.

Max flinched as a steady rain of bodies pelted the street, with more added second by second.

“It’s time, Max,” Chloe said, causing Max to stumble away. Reality and memory combined into a single instance tinged blue.

She was on the bluff overlooking the bay, standing on the sidewalk near her apartment. Chloe had to be saved, to be protected! That was her only priority! But she couldn’t. All she did was fuck things up.

The song inside her rushed to a higher volume in response to what was happening. Trembling, Max backed away. “I-I can’t,” she said as she shook her head.

Hands gently grasped her shoulders and blue eyes peered into hers, piercing the confusion. “We can,” Chloe said firmly. “She… she told me something, the Original. It’s your decision, but you aren’t making it alone. She… I want you to know that whatever happens here will be our decision. Yours and mine. Max and Chloe. Always.”

Looking up at her friend, Max considered those words. Around them, the birds had stopped falling. The superimposed memory of the storm at the lighthouse faded until they stood on the sidewalk in Portland. Neither of the other Chloes were present. The world remained tinged in blue.

Nodding, Max said. “Ok. Together. Take us back to that park where… I left you. I don’t know what’ll happen and the fewer people around the better.”

Chloe looked at her a moment, then, taking one of Max’s hands, started running down the street.

Looking up at her friend, Max lips curled. “It’s too late,” she spat. The superimposed memory of the storm at the lighthouse flared and crumbled. She and Chloe stood on a street littered with dead animals. Max looked to the Northwest, a fell light in her eyes. “It’s time to end this.”

Looking up at her friend, Max shuddered. Her legs urged her to run far away. Her mind condemned her for the thought. Her heart heard Chloe’s words and what they meant. Together. Not alone. The memory merged with reality and Max took Chloe’s hand.

“Together,” Max said. “Forever. Take us to the park where… I left you. I don’t want anyone else getting hurt because of me.” Chloe nodded and the two ran down the street, hand-in-hand.

Chloe paced herself so Max could keep up. It didn’t take long to reach the car and get in. Rain started falling again as Chloe started the car.

“You should know,” Chloe said as the car moved away from the curb, “the Captain helped me figure out I have a power.”

Max ripped her eyes away from the pouring rain to look at Chloe. “That’s how you came to me in that place? That wasn’t just… a delusion?”

“That’s what- no! Never mind, that’s not important. Yes, that’s how I was able to come to you. She speculated that’s why the storm always comes when we’re together. It’s not after you, Max. It’s after both of us!”

A spark lit inside Max, tiny and almost lost amidst the churning emotions. A concept so alien, she didn’t recognize it. Yet, it shifted her view of what they were doing. Her hand slid over the console to take Chloe’s. “Tell me about it,” she asked. That spark bloomed into a sense that wanted her to look at the events positively. The oddity made her shudder.

Beginning with Rachel breaking into their apartment, Chloe told Max everything about the preceding week. She held nothing back, including the thoughts and emotions that had plagued her during that week. As her words filled the car, Max slowly moved her attention to what was happening inside her, to what Chloe was saying.

The spark grew brighter, filling more of her with that optimism. No longer a tiny flicker lost in the chaos of emotions, it was a shining light. The sensation scared Max. An almost irresistible desire tried to force her to run, to fling open the car door and get away from this new thing. Her hand tightened on Chloe’s as she battled that. The optimism pushed back.

“Are you ok,” Chloe asked as she turned the car onto another street.

Max closed her eyes and drew a deep breath. “I’m…” As usual, her mind fought her on this. Don’t admit what’s happening! Hide it! Forcing her words past that, she said, “I’m trying not to run again.” Her jaw muscles ached from the exertion.

“There’s… something inside me, telling me we can beat this. It wants… It wants me to believe there’s a way out of this mess and… it scares me.”

The car stopped and Chloe turned it off. Chloe removed her seatbelt and turned to Max. Taking Max’s hands in hers, she looked at her for a long minute. There was something in the corner of Chloe’s eyes, something that glistened. “Max…” Chloe’s voice was thick with emotion. “That’s hope. You don’t recognize it?”

The word stunned Max and she pulled away. Hope? “I…” She hadn’t recognized hope?

“We can do this,” Chloe said, her voice soft and sure. “We’re Max and Chloe, right? Even when we’re apart, we’re Max and Chloe.”

Max nodded. Yes they were a team. They could do this.

She opened the door and stepped into the park already whipped into a frenzy by the wind.

She opened the door and stepped into a tempest. Broken trees flew past to crash into playground equipment.

She opened the door and stepped into bright sunshine. A few clouds speckled the sky.

She opened the door and stepped into a storm with an eerie blue light. Rain drenched them to the bone. Chloe pulled Max into a hug and for a moment Max let herself feel safe and wanted.

Max shivered and her teeth chattered. Over the wind and her teeth, she heard the storm’s song. It was coming for her, for them. For a moment longer she stayed in Chloe’s arms.

“What do we do now,” Chloe asked.

“I don’t know,” Max said.

“Shit!” Chloe’s arms tightened on her. “No matter what happens, we stay together, ok?”

Max nodded and let her her arms fall. Chloe took up her hand and scanned the sky. Life was moving too fast again, and Max’s mind reeled. She pulled at Chloe’s hand. Flashing her a quick smile, Chloe said, “I’m not letting you go. You’re stuck with me, Max.”

The song pierced her head and Max fell to the ground, pulling Chloe down with her. She flailed and convulsed, trying to block the sound, but it was inside her as well. Her existence narrowed to the agonizing keening seeking its escape.

It left as quickly as it came, taking most of her strength with it. Panting a few minutes, Max levered herself to a sitting position.

Panting a few minutes, Max lay on her back, staring at the sky with Chloe draped over her.

Panting a few minutes, Max pushed herself upright then stood.

Panting, she lay in the rain, its warm wetness soaking her clothes. With heavy limbs, she pushed herself to her feet, scattering blue-tinged droplets.

Reality shattered around them into innumerable fragments. Each shard cut her as they flew past, slicing her defenses and laying Max bare.

“I am Max Caulfield, destroyer of all things.”

Around her thronged her mistakes, lives without hope, clamoring for hers. Max spun in circles, seeking a way through them. They mobbed her, pulling her down and tearing everything from her. She screamed as they pulled apart her clothes, then sunk their hands into her. Her deepest thoughts and fears were exposed, leaving her weak and naked in a way that clothes couldn’t hide.

They quickly found her hope newly formed and ripped it from her with eager cries. It was gone faster than it appeared and they feasted on its light with a rabid intensity.

“I am Max Caulfield. I made the Universe kneel.”

Something throbbed and pushed inside her, trying to force its way out by any means possible. Crying out, Max threw her arms around herself, trying to hold her body together as blue cracks appeared on her. No longer beautiful interlocking butterflies, these were harsh, angry jags that stabbed deep into her.

Her body convulsed and flailed, trying to remain whole. Why should she remain whole when she left no one else whole? Why should she exist when she thoughtlessly took life and joy and agency from others?

“I am Max Caulfield. I fuck up everything I do.”

Her mistakes loomed over her, the only certainty in her life. She cowered, hiding her head from their fierce gaze. It didn’t matter; escape was futile.

A vision came to her, piercing the fog of pain that dulled her mind. A life where Chloe existed as a successful woman with happy supportive friends. A Chloe who didn’t need Max. It was better that way. It was better for Max to suffer than Chloe or anyone else. She deserved it. Worthless.

Forcing herself to her feet, Max blinked the vision away. She would make it happen.

Around her were a myriad fragments of possibilities, each one spinning along its own path. Each of them a failure; her failure. Her hand touched one, sending it along a new path.

* * *

“You choose David over me,” Chloe said incredulously to Joyce. Her face was twisted, matching the pain in her heart as Joyce shot a glance at the mustached man next to her.

“It’s been two years,” Joyce pleaded. “I’ve tried to help you every way I know how, Chloe. It’s time we face reality and move on.”

Chloe’s jaw dropped as she heard her mom’s words. “Have you tried listening? Like, actually listening to what I say instead of what you want to hear?” Angry tears flowed freely as she spoke. Joyce tensed, straightening herself under Chloe’s rejoinder.

“Young lady,” Joyce began, but Chloe waved her off. David stepped forward, hand raised. His face reddened as Chloe gave him the finger.

“I don’t have a home anymore,” Chloe said, her voice bitter and sad.

* * *

“No, no no,” Max cried as she crouched over her red-haired friend. The throb of the bass beat at her body. Her fingers went to the exposed neck, checking for a pulse. Glassy eyes stared into the distance, unblinking. A syringe lay on the carpet where it had slipped from nerveless fingers.

Max tenderly ran her fingers through the short, spiky hair. Leaning in, she kissed Chloe’s forehead, ran her fingers over eyes no longer vibrant with life, and closed them.

* * *

“Pompidou, down!” The dog, with a final growl, backed away from the still form. Frank stepped closer, his flashlight shining over the body. Blood pooled around it, a lot of blood.

Catching sight of the person’s face, Frank’s hand went to his forehead. Running the hand down his face, he said, “Oh, Chloe! What did you do?” With two quick steps he was at the body, kneeling. There was no sense checking for a pulse, the damage was too great.

In the distance, Frank heard a low cry, “Chloe? Where are you?”

“Rachel,” he murmured. “Did she put you up to this, Chloe?”

* * *

The blonde-haired woman doffed the backpack with a sigh of relief. Kicking off her shoes, she pulled the tie from her hair letting out the pony tail. She walked toward the couch in the living room, her arms slipping into her shirt and moments later ejecting a bra.

The couch was already occupied, stopping her short with a groan. Max looked up at the sound. “You look like you’ve had a shit day,” she said.

Chloe nodded and said, “I just want to collapse there and forget about today. I never should have accepted that management position.”

Leaping to her feet, Max gestured to the couch. “Sit down and I’ll give you a foot massage.” She pulled up the footstool as she said that.

“You spoil me,” Chloe purred. She seated herself on the couch and placed her feet on Max’s lap.

Removing the socks, Max began lightly stroking her feet. She always started with gentle pressure to help with relaxing, followed by deep pressure to work out the soreness.

“Your hands are a miracle,” Chloe breathed as tension left her shoulders.

“So you tell me,” Max said with a little humor.

“I- oompf,” Chloe interrupted herself as Max’s fingers found a sensitive spot. “I saw something weird on the news.”

“What was that?”

“A bunch of whales, of all different species, beached themselves today. My team at work were discussing the probability of- hey, don’t stop with the massage.”

Max’s hands had fallen to her side. She knew what came next.

* * *

She floated low in the water, blue hair arrayed around her like a halo. The skin was too white, too puffy to be her. It couldn’t be her! Reaching out, Max snagged the sodden t-shirt with a pole and dragged the body closer.

Max rolled it over, then leaped back as blue eyes stared back at her. Once brillant with life, they were dimmed by death, their light long gone. There was no mistaking that face, those eyes, even after sitting in water for hours.

Collapsing to the bank, Max buried her face in her arms. Another failure. Another death.

* * *

Every fragment had another memory to share with her. Each one was a variation on a pattern: failure. Max’s involvement with Chloe Elizabeth Price had only one possible outcome: a life cut short. She gathered the fragments together, holding onto each like a precious treasure.

Whatever she had felt earlier was gone, a false hope against her reality. Tightening her hands, Max knew there was only one way forward.

If she wanted Chloe to live a long, full life, it had to be without her.

She only brought disappointment and other negative things to Chloe. It was time to put an end to that! Time to put an end to herself!

A hand tightened on hers. Where had that come from?

“I’m not giving you up.” Chloe’s words floated to her. Max spun around, but didn’t see anyone, nor was anyone holding her hand.

“Remember why you came back.” Max did remember, which made it hard to see. The touch was a false hope though. A hope she didn’t deserve.

Before her, the breach loomed large and hungry. It wanted her. Nothing and no one else wanted her, but it did. She had to end this, had to protect Chloe from her.

Sinking deep into herself, Max opened a channel between herself and the breach. Without warning it yanked at her, pulling her off balance. Whatever powered the song inside her leaped in response, a fierce joy piercing her. She spun toward the breach, no longer in control. Destiny rushed forth to meet her. Surprise was on her face as they met.

And her work was complete.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: forced drugging. Graphic sex depicted.

_More than two weeks later, and it’s still weird to be with Chloe and not have a sense of impending doom. We went out last night and Chloe got me on the dance floor to ‘shake your boney white ass.’ She made that hard because her hands barely let me move. Bit by bit I’m leaving that worry behind and ‘loosening up’ as she likes to put it._

_The plan she and I made to help with my fears and anxieties is helping. Steph and Rachel volunteered to be part of it. Chloe was right. Living here with them is-_

A loud thunder clap made Max jerk, sending her pen skittering across the journal page. She couldn’t breathe! What’s going on? Is Chloe ok? She had to do something, now!

Hands tight on the journal, Max reminded herself it was a regular thunderstorm. There was nothing to worry about. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, focusing on the act and how her body responded. It took several breaths for her heart to slow down. There was nothing to fear.

Max closed the journal and set it and the pen aside. She stood and pulled her snuggly blanket from the bed. The softness against her skin brought a little comfort. She wrapped herself in it as she retook her seat. Another clap of thunder shook her, undoing her work.

With a tight throat, Max closed her eyes and told herself everything was alright. No disaster threatened them. Her hands trembled too much to write though. Her phone vibrated then, and she jumped. Digging it out, she unlocked it and answered the call.

“Hey, Maxaroni,” came Chloe’s cheerful voice. Max’s trembling slowed at the sound.

“Hey, um, Betharoo,” Max said. She couldn’t keep the quaver from her voice.

“We gotta work on your naming,” Chloe said. “What’s my number one girl up to?”

“Well, I was journaling until…”

“Until the bad old thunderstorm came along.” Chloe’s voice turned soft and warm. Through the phone, Max heard the clatter of keys stop and the sounds of the office fade away.

“You called me because of the storm?”

“Well, yeah. Where are you right now?”

“In our room.”

“Do you have your blanket?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me about the thunderstorm.”

Max made herself look out the window. “There’s rain and it’s coming down hard. Lightning also. The thunder is quite loud.”

“How’s it making you feel?”

“Like…” Her chest tightened as she focused inward and her breath became shallow. “It’sallgoingtoendandIneedtodosomethingnowbeforeyougethurt!” After that explosion of words, Max closed her eyes and tried to draw steady breaths.

There was a pause on the other end, before Chloe asked, “Did weather forecasts know about the storm before it came?”

Max dragged her focus to Chloe’s voice. Her free hand gripped her blanket so tight it hurt. “Yes,” she managed to say.

“So it’s an ordinary storm. Those others never show up in forecasts.”

Her breath began evening out with Chloe’s words. Yes, this was a regular storm, one they’d know was coming for at least a day.

“What’s happening now?”

“The rain is stopping.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Less like I need to do something, except… can I come to you, to your office I mean?” Though she tried to remain calm, Max couldn’t keep the desperation from her voice.

“I’m off work in another thirty minutes or so, then the commute home. I’ll be there in about an hour.”

“Oh. Ok,” Max said in a small voice.

“Hey, Max?”

“Yeah?”

“Look under my pillow.”

Max stood, stepped to the bed and slid her hand under Chloe’s pillow. Her fingers touched something that they latched onto. Pulling the item out, she found herself looking at Chloe’s pajamas. “Your pajamas?”

“Wear them until I get home. I did something similar when you were gone. It helped me. Maybe it will help you too.”

“Ok.” Max held the pajamas up to her nose. She could smell Chloe on them.

“Max?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I… love you too, Chloe.”

The call disconnected and Max slipped the phone back into her pocket. Putting the pajama bottoms on the pillow (there was no way those would fit her!) she took off her shirt and donned the top. It wasn’t as soft as she preferred, but it was Chloe’s!

Wearing the shirt was like laying in Chloe’s embrace. Her scent wrapped around Max as she sank back into her chair. Covering herself with her blanket, she lay her head on her arm and closed her eyes. The scent of Chloe sent her into a pleasant place.

* * *

Tears streamed from Max’s eyes as she faced the tear in time. The edges of its existence pulsed fast and bright. Healing it should undo a lot of things, but it also meant saying goodbye. She was not good at goodbyes.

“Doing this is the right thing,” the Captain said.

“But it means you’ll be gone,” Max cried. “Forever!”

“Think of it less of an end and more of a beginning,” the original Chloe said.

“How does that help me?”

“You gave yourself for us and others. Too much, maybe,” the red-haired Chloe said. “It’s time to give something to yourself.”

“I didn’t give you enough,” Max whispered.

“You really think so,” she asked. “Max, no matter how we ended, you brought more happiness to us than we deserved. At least more than I deserved. What was it the original said?”

“I don’t know…”

An arm slipped around her waist and pulled her tight. The red-haired Chloe said, in a warm voice, “You finally came back to me… and you did nothing but show me your love and friendship.”

The Captain stepped closer, joining them for a group hug. “All those moments between us were real, and they’ll always be ours.”

A third Chloe joined them, the original. Her voice was choked as she completed the saying. “Max… I’ll always be with you.”

Lips brushed against her cheeks as, one by one, the Chloe’s from timelines long gone bade her farewell. The last was the young Chloe in her pirate cat t-shirt. Her hands fiddled with her pockets, before stepping forward.

“I’m not going to kiss you, that would be too weird,” she said. “But I’ll tell you this: she was right. The Chloe from now? She was right about our dance in middle school.”

Young Chloe kicked the ground, or whatever it was they stood on. “I did crush on you. Hard. That dance… it was the most magical night of my life.”

Stepping forward, young Chloe wrapped her arms around Max. “Thank you for being you, for being the best friend I’ve ever had!”

She let go of Max and took a quick step away. “Now go be your badass self and fix time!”

It was hard for Max to make sense of her emotions. Her mind and heart were so overloaded with feelings that right now she only wanted things to end. Watching young Chloe fade away, Max fixed her attention on what she had to do.

“I am Max Caulfield, and I love Chloe Elizabeth Price more than anything.”

* * *

A hand lightly stroked her foot, bringing wakefulness to Max. She opened her eyes and stretched, the journal sliding off her lap. Chloe sat on the footrest, hand rubbing her foot.

“You’re back,” Max said, her head thick with sleep. She stretched again, Chloe taking the opportunity to slip around her onto the small sofa.

Kissing Max on the cheek, Chloe asked, “Did you have a nice nap?”

“It was good. Waking up was better.”

Chloe’s response was to slip her fingers under the hem of the pajama top and tickle Max’s belly. Laughing, Max swatted her hand. “Stop that,” she said, without really meaning it.

Chloe’s fingers changed from tickling, to resting. A warmth seeped into Max from the contact. “Did my suggestion help,” Chloe whispered into her ear.

Nodding, Max said, “Yes, thank you.” She turned a little to better see Chloe. She moved the blanket to cover both of them, then slipped a hand under Chloe’s shirt. “Is this ok,” she asked as her fingers traced light patterns on Chloe’s skin.

Shooting a quick glance at the partially opened bedroom door, Chloe said, “It’s hella ok.”

An impish smile spread across Max’s face at the answer. It left quickly, though, as she remembered a question she wanted to ask. “You said something about my clothes helping you after I… abandoned you.” Chloe opened her mouth, likely to object, but Max shook her head. “No. Let’s speak plainly. I abandoned you. How did my clothes help you?”

Chloe sat for a while in silence, enjoying the feel of her hand on Max’s stomach, and Max’s fingers tracing on hers. “I kept the clothes you wore that final night and didn’t wash them. There were nights where I cried myself to sleep with my head buried in them. I thought you were dead and I wanted to remember how you were, how you smelled, as long as possible.”

Max slid her hand to Chloe’s waist, running her fingers lightly up her side to the edge of her bra, then down to her pants. Up and down her fingers went, Chloe at first shying away from the ticklish touch, then settling into it. “Is this ok,” Max whispered.

“Yes,” came Chloe’s soft response.

“Did keeping my clothes help?”

“When I was at my darkest, yes,” Chloe said. Her skin tingled where Max touched her. The sensation was both wonderful and a little scary. Max was being rather forward and the last time that happened… Chloe shoved that thought from her mind. Enjoy what you’re given, she reminded herself. Her own hand moved to Max’s waist and moved it up and down her side as well. Max sighed softly.

“Tell me how it made you feel, when I left you.”

“I’d rather talk about how you’re making me feel right now.” Max’s hand stopped and she began turning away.

“Fuck,” Chloe said, drawing out the word. “This was… this was one of your coping tricks wasn’t it? And I just ruined it! Fuck me!”

“That’s… it’s ok.” Her eyes closed as Max clenched her hand. She shouldn’t touch Chloe like that, leading her on to nothing but disappointment.

No! That wasn’t true! Through clenched teeth, Max said, “Please… tell me how my abandoning you made you feel.”

Biting back words of apology, Chloe stopped moving her hand. She left it on Max’s waist, resting on bare skin. Max didn’t try to move it. “It turned me and my world upside down. I felt… betrayed, angry, sad, empty, and other things.”

“And that’s why you destroyed your painting? Because you were mad at me?” Max’s eyes remained closed, but her hand had relaxed. It rested on Chloe’s hip, two fingers touching bare skin.

“No, I destroyed my painting because I wanted to hurt myself. I made the painting because I love you. What I did to it was like hurting myself. I left it on the wall so every day I saw it, and it hurt me.”

Max nodded her head. “I get that. Denying myself good things is how I cope… coped.”

A soft knocking came from the doorway. Through the small entry they saw Steph. Her eyes were slitted and a bright smile graced her mouth. “So… uh are you girls going to join us for dinner, or are you eating in?”

“As much as I’d love to eat in,” Max said, rising from the chair, “time spent with my friends is something I need right now.” She stretched her arms upward as she said that and Chloe appreciated the striking profile that created.

Standing behind Max, Chloe slipped her arms around her, and pulled Max against her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. Steph disappeared down the hall as she spoke. “For ruining what you were starting.”

Reaching behind herself, Max brought Chloe’s head forward and kissed her cheek. “You’ll have to pay the price later,” she playfully whispered. “The max price.”

“Did you just make a bad pun with our names,” Chloe said disbelievingly. A giggle was her only answer.

“Before we go,” Chloe whispered, “I have something for you. Something I should have given you a long time ago.” She reached into her pocket, then held her closed hand in front of Max. “Hold out your hand.”

Into her cupped hand poured a silver chain. Max stopped breathing when she recognized it. Her hands wanted to fall, to no longer touch what she didn’t deserve.

“Wear it, please?”

Max didn’t respond, couldn’t respond. She remained frozen, eyes fixed on the necklace laying in her palm. Inside was a picture, proof of another life. A life that broke her. She swallowed hard.

“Put it on me, please?” Her cracked voice didn’t sound like her at all. She should carry the mark of her failure every day.

She held up her hair while Chloe strung the necklace around her neck and latched it. The touch of Chloe’s fingers left burning skin behind. Chloe’s hands returned to her waist, held Max tight against her. “It’s missing a picture, the first one you took of her.”

Max nodded, focused more on the great weight suspended from her neck. “It was hard enough seeing our wedding picture,” she croaked. “I took it out after…”

“Will you be ok,” Chloe whispered.

“Thank you for… keeping this for me. It hurts, but… I’d rather have it then not.”

“Will you be ok?”

“Yes.”

Max slipped from Chloe’s hug and changed shirts. The locket stayed inside her shirt. Chloe kept worried eyes on her girlfriend as they got ready to go.

Leaving the apartment, they crossed the parking lot to one of the cars. Max noted with relief that the thunderstorm was long gone. Puddles scattered across the parking lot were the only evidence it had ever existed.

The evening was a fun, light-hearted night out for the four. Max let herself be pulled onto the dance floor with Chloe. That made it two nights in a row that she’d stepped out of her comfort zone.

Max played designated driver for the group, something she was only too willing to do. Jokes, dancing, tavern food, and music filled the evening. Chloe only had one drink the entire night, preferring iced tea over the beers she normally chugged.

As the time to leave drew near, Max and Rachel went to the ladies room. On the way, Max stopped, disbelieving what her eyes spied. At the corner of the bar stood a striking woman with light skin and an athletic build. An exquisite tattoo decorated her right arm and she kept checking her phone. What drew Max’s eyes though, was the flaming red-spiked hair.

“One moment,” Max said absently to Rachel, “There’s something I need to do.” She took a cautious step toward the woman who hadn’t noticed her. Another step and she stood opposite her at the bar. “Hi,” Max said, her mouth dry and tongue seeming to fill her entire mouth.

The woman glanced at her, then looked at her more sharply. Her eyes traveled up Max’s body to focus on her eyes. “I… couldn’t help but notice it seems you’re waiting on someone,” Max continued. Her fingers began playing with the hem of her hoodie.

“My name is Max, by the way. If you’d prefer not to wait alone, we’ve a small group over in the corner. You could join us… at least until your friend arrives.”

The woman pursed her lips, glancing between Max and Rachel, who had stopped next to Max. “Echo,” she said after a few seconds and Max stiffened. Forcing herself to relax, Max held out her hand. “Nice to meet you, Echo. Do you prefer a shake or a hug?”

“A free hug from a cutie like you? I’d never turn that down.” Echo stepped away from the corner as she said that and pulled Max into a hug. A presence appeared at Max’s side as the hug lengthened beyond a friendly greeting. Loosening her arms, Max stepped back, her eyes turning down and hands pulling on the hem of her hoodie.

“And I’m Chloe, Max’s girlfriend,” Chloe said as she stepped into the space between Max and Echo. A warning edged her voice.

Looking up, Max gave an awkward smile that didn’t change the sadness in her eyes. Echo fist-bumped Chloe. A look Max could only describe as puzzled was on Echo’s face. “Have we met before,” she asked.

Before anyone could answer, Echo’s entire face lit up. “Excuse me,” she said as a chorus of greetings sounded behind Max, Chloe, and Rachel, “my friend is here.” She slipped between Max and Rachel into the crowd. Max turned to see a tall, lithe black woman trading greetings and high fives with people in the crowd.

Echo broke through the little audience around the woman. Even from twenty feet away Max read the relief and tenderness in Echo’s face. They hugged, Echo almost hanging onto the taller woman, and then they kissed long and hard.

The sadness that had filled Max faded as she watched the women. “What was that about,” Chloe asked.

Absently, Max reached over and squeezed Chloe’s hand. “Ask me again when we’re at home,” Max said. Her eyes stayed on the two as they walked toward a table, a hand in each other’s back pocket.

A smile was on Max’s face now and she turned her attention to Rachel. With a nod, they resumed their journey to the restroom while Chloe returned to the table.

Not long after Max and Rachel returned, the four also left for home. In the backseat, Steph and Rachel started getting friskier than usual, a sure sign one or both of them had one too many drinks.

The sounds of love and passion in the backseat made Max shoot glances at Chloe. Her fingers itched again to touch Chloe and feel the skin under her shirt. It appeared Chloe felt the same because her hand crept onto Max’s thigh.

She gasped softly at the unexpected contact and her hand fell onto Chloe’s. They were stopped at a red light and Max closed her eyes for a moment. Two desires struggled inside her: the desire to move Chloe’s hand because she wasn’t worthy of that touch, and the desire to let her hand stay and see what would happen.

The light turned green and Max drove onward. And Chloe’s hand stayed where it was, fingers occasionally drawing a circle near her inner thigh. And Max struggled to feel like she was allowed that touch. That struggle persisted until they parked at the apartment and Chloe had to remove her hand to get out of the car.

The moment her hand moved, Max felt cold and alone. Her head leaned against the steering wheel. She wished that just for one night she’d know what it was like to be Steph or Rachel. What was it like to accept and give love and affection so freely?

Once in their bedroom, Max collapsed on the bed and closed her eyes. Chloe moved around the room, probably putting her shoes away and getting out her pajamas. She was surprised when her shoes were removed. Opening her eyes, she looked down to see Chloe on her knees, massaging her feet.

“You look stressed,” Chloe said without prompt. Max stiffened and groaned as Chloe’s thumbs pressed into a tight spot on each foot. A moment later she relaxed as the pressure helped relieve some of her tension.

“Just,” Max said, punctuated by a grunt as the thumbs found a new spot, “wishing I was more like Steph or Rachel. They’re so open with their love for each other. You deserve someone that confident to show you similar affection.”

“Maybe,” Chloe said, her thumbs looking for new spots. “Or, maybe I like you the way you are. Awkward. Genuine. You.” She stood, sliding her hands up Max’s legs to her hips. Leaning down, she gave Max a sweet kiss.

“Those two do celebrate life their own way,” Chloe said as she seated herself next to Max on the bed. “And we celebrate our way. Are you glad we went out with them?”

Max took off her hoodie and set it on the bed next to her. “I am. Being out there, enjoying life with you, helps me.”

“That’s good,” Chloe said with a smile. Giving Max a quick kiss on the cheek, she rose from the bed and began preparing for sleep. Max also rose and got ready.

“Who was that woman hugging you,” Chloe said as Max stood next to her brushing her teeth. “She seemed familiar.”

Max spat into the sink, then rinsed both the brush and sink. “She should,” she said as she put the brush away. Her eyes stayed focused on her hands. They held a cup below the stream of water and she watched the level slowly rise. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “She was a… Chloe I didn’t save.”

“What do you mean you didn’t save,” Chloe said as she dried her hands.

Max rinsed the toothpaste from her mouth, cleaned the sink again and put the cup away. “Some of the timelines I created were close to the original where your dad died and I abandoned you. Those were… particularly hard for me.” Her hands gripped the counter, turning her knuckles white. Chloe’s hand began rubbing her back. She always knew the right place to rub.

“In one of them, your substance abuse went beyond weed and beer. You got hooked on harder stuff. By the time I entered the picture you were trying to clean up your life and get free of the drugs. We were supposed to meet one night after work at your favorite bar.”

Max took a shuddering breath, her shoulders starting to tremble. “Don’t touch me,” she whispered. In response, Chloe pulled her into a hug. Max pushed at her, trying to get away, but Chloe gently deflected her hands.

“What happened,” Chloe whispered once Max stopped fighting. One hand returned to rubbing the part of Max’s back that calmed her the most.

“I was delayed getting to the bar. One of her old friends ran into her. Near as I can tell, he wasn’t pleased about the changes and slipped something into her drink. He took her partying. I found her later that night… she’d OD’d. Some of her old friends told me what happened.”

“That’s horrible,” Chloe said.

“If only I’d been there five minutes sooner!”

“And seeing that woman, ‘Echo’, tonight reminded you of her?”

Max tensed as the next words flitted through her mind. Please hate me! “No.” Her voice was empty. “Echo is… was… When I repaired the time breach, I did it the only way my heart would let me.” She tilted her head back to look up onto Chloe’s eyes. “I merged all the timelines into this one.”

Chloe’s hand stopped and she looked down at Max. Furrowing her brow, she said, “What does that mean?”

“I couldn’t let them go, Chloe! I couldn’t let all of you… stop existing! I’m sorry I’m so weak! I’ll go sleep on the couch tonight so you don’t have to touch me.” She pushed hard at Chloe, trying to free herself, but again Chloe wouldn’t let her go.

“Tell me what that means, Max.”

Lowering her head so Chloe wouldn’t see the shame in her eyes, she whispered. “I gave each of them new lives in our timeline.”

“How-,” Chloe couldn’t complete the thought. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, searching for words that refused to come. When they finally did, they came with an energy and rush that overwhelmed. “Max! You’re saying the woman we met tonight was me, reborn and given another chance?”

Max managed to finally push away from Chloe. She stumbled against the wall where she slid into a quivering heap. Her hands covered her head and began pulling at her hair.

“Yes, that was you… her.”

Her right side became warmer, suggesting Chloe was sitting there. “Max, you keep giving me new reasons to love you.”

Max lifted her head when those words sank in. “Love,” she questioned, “you should hate me!”

“Why? Why should I hate you?”

“Because I didn’t do what I said I’d do! I broke my promise again! I didn’t discuss the decision with you first.”

“Oh. Oh!”

Max waited for more, for the denouncing or whatever Chloe would unleash on her. When nothing came she looked at her friend. Chloe sat on the floor near her, cross-legged. Her chin was in her hands and her eyes focused on nothing.

“I don’t know what to say, Max,” Chloe said when she noticed her looking. “What you did is one of the noblest things I’ve ever heard. You continue to amaze me. I’m not mad and I don’t hate you for doing that!”

“But-”

Chloe raised a hand. “It’s possible,” she gently said, “and this is just a suggestion, it’s possible you’re overthinking our agreement.”

Max lowered her head. Of course, Chloe was right. It was so hard though, and frustrating! “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice muffled.

“There’s nothing to apologize for. You did something hella amazeballs and I’m proud of you!”

“You are?”

Offering a hand, palm up, Chloe said, “I am.”

Max eyed the hand a while before slowly placing hers in it. Chloe slowly closed her hand around Max’s. “When you saw her, Echo that is, in the bar tonight,” Chloe said after some silence, “did it remind you of the appointment you missed?”

While she spoke, Chloe’s other hand began lightly stroking the back of Max’s hand and arm. The touch captured Max’s attention, her eyes focused on the fingers running up and down her forearm. So consumed was she by the sensation, Chloe had to repeat her question.

Shaking her head, Max moved her eyes to stare at the wall. The touch really messed with her mind. “Yes,” she finally said. “Seeing her… it was odd. I didn’t expect to see one of them so soon. And it was like I was reliving that failure, but without a reset. Seeing her with her girlfriend was so good.”

“Does that mean we’ll meet other… doppel-Chloe’s?”

Max eyed Chloe after that word. “I don’t know. Yes?”

They sat a while in silence, Max returning her gaze to Chloe’s fingers. Her head slowly leaned over until it rested against Chloe, who did the same.

After a time, Chloe nudged, Max. “Let’s get to bed,” she whispered. Max nodded and they both rose.

Leaving the bathroom, and turning off the light, Chloe slipped under the covers while Max went to the light switch. Moments later the room plunged into darkness, except for a slight glow emanating from Max. It lit her way to the bed, where she slipped under the covers and into Chloe’s arms.

* * *

“Chloe?”

“Mmhh?”

“Why… did you use your power to come to me in the void?”

Chloe slowly opened her eyes. The soft glow still illuminated Max, but it was closer to purple now than blue. Her fingers flexed in Max’s grip. Max moved her hand and placed kisses on the tip of each finger.

“When I realized what you were doing,” Chloe said, words slow and uncertain, filled with sleep and dreams. “All I could see was you alone someplace. Picturing you alone, with no one, while everyone forgot about you? That fucking hurt!”

Max rolled over to look at Chloe. Her head rested even with Chloe’s. One hand reached over, touched Chloe’s hip and jerked away. A moment later it returned, a couple of fingers slipping under the pajama top to rest on skin.

“You… cared for me that much?”

Chloe brushed her fingertips across Max’s jaw. “You should never be alone. Not like that.”

Max’s fingers traveled upward under Chloe’s top until all of them, and the palm, rested on skin. “Is this ok,” Max breathed, a hint of fear edging her voice. In response, Chloe copied Max, and gasped in surprise. Max wasn’t wearing pajama bottoms, or panties! She bit off the words that came to mind as she felt Max stiffen at her reaction. The afternoon’s events came immediately to mind.

“Yeah, it’s hella ok,” Chloe said. Her voice was suddenly throaty and raw.

“Why should I never be alone?”

Fingers traveled along Chloe’s side, much like earlier, lightly brushing her skin. They stopped before reaching her breast and reversed course. Back and forth they went, sending tingles and more through her.

“You… deserve companionship and love and friendship.” Chloe’s voice rose and fell as she spoke, speeding up each time the fingers climbed her side. Her own fingers slid along Max’s side, but quickly went to her back.

Max moved her fingers to Chloe’s belly button, circling it with one fingertip. A soft growl sounded in the back of Chloe’s throat at the new sensation. Some part of her mind acknowledged that Max probably knew her body better than she did. “Wow,” Chloe said when Max let her hand rest on her belly.

Unexpectedly, Max rolled her onto her back. Throwing the covers aside, Max climbed on top of her. Chloe looked up at the girl sitting across her hips, wondering what she was planning next. Max had awakened something in her, a hunger she hadn’t felt in a long time. “You know you’re glowing?”

Smiling down at Chloe, Max said, “Yes.” Suddenly, her eyes went wide and her shoulders slumped. “It’s… it’s ok, right?”

Running her hands up Max’s smooth thighs to grab the shirt, she pushed it up. “Hella ok,” she purred. Max raised her arms, letting Chloe remove the night shirt. Chloe’s fingers brushed her arms on the way down, her eyes also looking at Max in a new way. By now she’d seen Max naked a few times, but tonight was different. Tonight was special. For a moment Max crossed her arms over her chest.

“Are you ok?”

Letting her arms drop, Max looked to the side. The glow coming from her was subtle, enhancing her every detail. Behind her, a softly glowing butterfly flew past. Chloe made a soft sound of amazement.

“Old habit,” Max murmured and turned her eyes back onto Chloe. “Now, it seems there’s a problem.” She smiled impishly. “One of us is wearing too many clothes.”

Grabbing the hem of Chloe’s shirt she started to push it upwards. Chloe sat up and raised her arms, letting Max pull the shirt off. Before she could lay down, Max wrapped her arms around her. Chloe’s arms did the same and they held each other. Max savored the skin-on-skin contact. She sighed softly, then couldn’t stop the other sound.

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

“I… I’m sorry. It sounds cliche, but… I really missed you today, and…” Tilting her head back, Max looked at Chloe a while. In the purple glow the tear tracks were bright.

“I missed you too.” Chloe looked at those tracks, pulsing whenever a tear rolled down. She looked at Max, with her half closed eyes, lips parted, and head slightly tilted. Freeing one hand, she wiped a tear away. “We don’t ha-”

That’s all she managed to say as Max leaned in and kissed her. She came at Chloe with an ardor she’d never shown before, driving Chloe back onto the bed. Soft sounds came from both women as they kissed. Chloe’s hands explored her body, from head to ass and back. “I’m sorry,” Max murmured around the kiss.

“For what?”

“For not paying attention to you and your needs.”

“We both made mistakes.” Chloe’s voice rose unexpectedly as Max traced kisses along her jaw and down her neck. Her tongue played a little with the soft skin at the base of her neck, before her mouth kissed along a new path. Chloe’s hands tangled in Max’s hair as lips traveled into her cleavage. Soft sounds escaped her throat, somewhere between a growl and a purr. Through her slitted eyes she saw more butterflies flying above them.

“Hey-uh-Max.” Damn she was making it hard to talk! The only reply she got was something that sounded like ‘yes’ but it was hard to tell.

“There’s a bunch of glowing blue butterflies… should I be worried?”

Max lifted her head and glanced at the handful of butterflies flying around. Their blue glow combined with hers, bringing a soft light to the entire room. For a few moments her eyes followed the erratic flight. “They’re kind of cute,” she said. “Sealing the breach didn’t banish them, or I don’t think it did.”

She sat up, held held out a finger and a butterfly landed on it. Its wings opened and closed slowly. Chloe watched, fascinated by the demonstration. Ignoring the coolness seeping into her chest now that Max wasn’t there, she said, “They’re cute, but not as cute as you.” Her eyes were focused on Max’s breasts now instead of the butterfly. Her hands and mouth wanted to explore them.

Max twirled her finger and the butterfly disappeared. “It looks like they’ll still appear when I use the ‘advanced’ parts of my power.” Tilting her head down, she looked at Chloe with glowing eyes.

Chloe had always loved Max’s eyes, their crystal blue depths holding mysteries she wanted to unravel. The glow from her power made them more than breath-taking.

“Now,” Max said as she grabbed her blanket and draped it over her shoulders. Leaning forward, she placed a finger tip on Chloe’s chin and slowly traced it down to her neck, then toward her breasts. “Do you want to play twenty questions, or love Chloe to the Max?”

“Oh, that was bad,” Chloe said, raising her hands. “I’ll take two handfuls of awesome for a starter.” She placed a hand over each of Max’s breasts, her touch sending a strong signal through her body that started in her palms. Lightly, she rubbed them against the nipples, already hard.

Max’s eyes fluttered and she pressed against Chloe’s hands. “You used that joke already,” she said between soft moans. Chloe’s fingers were now tracing patterns around her nipples.

With a sound more like a moan, Max pushed down, trapping Chloe’s hands between them. Their mouths found each other. Max slipped one hand behind Chloe’s head to hold it, while the other began tracing the outside of her ear.

“One last question,” Chloe said, muffled by the kiss.

“Hmph,” Max said, lifting her head a little. “Only one?”

Squeezing her hands slightly, and delighting when Max moaned, she said, “Oh I have lots of questions, like when did you get so forward in bed, what power are you using, what happened to the scared girl from earlier, and will Max pay the Price?” That last one got a groan from Max.

The grin that spread across Chloe’s face when Max groaned, softened into a cautious smile. “Right now, though…” Freeing a hand, she brushed some hair from Max’s face, then traced her jaw.

“Right now, I’d like you to tell me: why did you come back?”

Tilting her head, Max kissed the tip of Chloe’s nose. “You should know,” she breathed, “that I have questions of my own, such as when did you like talking more than sex, and how does your power work? That last one-” she broke off with a shudder as Chloe started running her hands up and down her back.

“Do you-”

“No, please keep doing that.”

Chloe returned to lightly tracing her fingers along Max’s spine, from the nape of her neck, to the dimple at the top of her butt. The way Max responded to such light touches never ceased to amaze her. Max’s eyes had closed and it was obvious she was lost in the sensations.

“Before I tell you,” Max said huskily, “can I make one request? It’s gonna be weird. I won’t love you any less for refusing.”

“Ask away.”

After a moment of silence Max said, “would you mind being naked also? It’s… important to me.”

Her voice was so soft Chloe could barely hear the words. “Max,” she said slowly, “we’re in the middle of having sex. Keeping my clothes on would be weird. Take them off.”

Nodding, Max pushed herself up, but didn’t move off of Chloe. One hand went down and helped Chloe remove her pajama bottoms and underwear. Her position made it awkward and both women giggled a few times as one or the other got the clothing stuck in a weird place. Kicking the clothes to the side, Chloe placed her hands on Max’s waist. She watched her girlfriend’s face as she lowered herself. They shifted in unison, Max slipping a leg between Chloes, as if a well-practiced move.

For a moment she thought Max would cry when they were fully touching, skin on skin. She slid down until her head rested on Chloe’s breasts, wrapped her arms around Chloe, and held tight.

The slight tremor of Max’s shoulders and the drip of liquid onto her breast told Chloe she was indeed crying. Running her fingers through Max’s hair, Chloe tried to think of something to say or do.

“They’re nice breasts, but nothing to cry about,” she finally said. That didn’t get a response. If anything the tremor turned into shaking. More than a drop or two of tears were pouring onto her now.

“If you want to talk, we can do that instead, Max. No pressure. Or we can keep going. I have to warn you though, tears make for a poor lubricant.”

“I’m sorry… I fucked things up again.” Max’s voice sounded lost and empty.

“No, no, Max. You didn’t fuck up anything. Come up here so we can talk, if you’re feeling up to it.”

Max slowly pushed herself up and to the side so she lay partially on Chloe, and cradled in between her right arm and body. One leg was draped over Chloe’s. Her snuggly blanket covered both of them, one corner clutched tight in Max’s hand. Reaching across, Chloe wiped some tears off Max’s cheek.

When Max finally spoke, her voice was small and filled with something hard. “Your touch, your wanting to touch me, means a lot to me. When I was in that place, preparing to completely remove myself from everyone’s lives, what hurt the most was not being able to feel you again. I told myself I deserved that, as punishment for not being good enough, not being able to save you and everyone else.

“It’s silly, I know, but your touch is one of the things that makes me feel connected to the world. Ever since we were little we held hands, hugged, gave high fives, and more. You were one of the few people to want to touch me. Whenever I was feeling the most isolated, least connected, you’d find some reason to touch me. As if you knew how important that was to me.

“When you showed up in the void and the first thing you did was touch me? I… I couldn’t go through with it. Your touch reminded me of all the good things about you that I love, and the things I need. That’s why I came back.”

Max lapsed into silence, her eyes closed so she couldn’t see the judgement that would surely be on Chloe’s face.

After a time, Chloe said, “that doesn’t sound silly. You found something that helps you. I am worried that your wellbeing relies upon someone else. And touched that it’s me.”

Max looked up, her face twisted in a way that tugged at Chloe’s heartstrings. “You don’t think it’s silly?” Her voice wasn’t asking a question, it was seeking approval.

“No, it’s not silly,” Chloe whispered. To emphasize the point, she moved her hand to touch Max, stroking her cheek. “You found something to help you.”

A finger traced a slow circle on Chloe’s stomach. Max no longer looked at her. Her furrowed eyes searched the far wall.

“If you feel comfortable in sharing this,” Chloe continued, “why were you crying?”

“It’s bad,” Max whispered. The finger stopped moving. “And it won’t make sense.”

“No judgement, no pressure. If you don’t want to explain, tell me and we can do something else.”

Max closed her eyes and tensed herself. The transition of her body from form-fitting softness to rock hard stiffness, drew a quick look from Chloe.

“I want to go beyond kissing and hugging, to rebuild what we had, to fulfill your needs, to love you like I loved… her. Right now, there’s nothing I want more.

“At the same time, I want you to push me away. Everything I did, pushing boundaries, moving quickly, was intended to get you to reject me. That way I would be justified in hating myself. Each time I thought: she’ll hate me after this. The last request… when you so willingly agreed and we touched for the first time… touched in a way we haven’t since we were married…

“I wanted you, no! I needed you to hate me, to deny me what I wanted most. But you didn’t.”

She had to tell Chloe these things, tell her how horrible she was, how broken she was. Fear swept her body and she trembled. She turned glistening, glowing eyes on Chloe to plea in her broken voice, “Please tell me you hate me! Please tell me I’m no good!”

Chloe bit back the first few things that came to mind as Max made her plea. “Thank you for sharing that with me,” she said, her voice choked with emotion. “That took a lot of courage.” Touching Max’s cheek, she said, “I don’t hate you. I love you.”

The words weren’t what she deserved, but they were what Max needed. The softness and warmth of Chloe’s words matched that of her body. Max clenched a fist and closed her eyes, struggling to accept herself as Chloe saw her. She was worth a damn!

Chloe prepared herself for Max to push back and deny the words she spoke. She saw the hand clench and sorrow filled her. Even now, laying here together when Chloe declared her love, Max couldn’t accept it and see herself that way. Her hand brushed stray hairs from Max’s face.

“To hate you is to hate myself,” Chloe whispered. “How could I hate the person who gave me so much? I love you. I love the ways you encourage me and how you help me be a better person.” The body next to her, hard and trembling, slowly relaxed while she spoke. The fist unclenched and lay flat on her belly.

For a long time they lay that way, with the whir of butterfly wings the only sound. Chloe looked at her girlfriend, light seeping between her eyelids. Such a transformation in her, such beauty. She wondered whether Max saw things differently when her eyes glowed.

Her musings were interrupted by her stomach going cold. Max had moved her hand. Fingers brushed hers, sliding over their tops to the back of her hand. Grasping her wrist, Max brought the hand to her face. One by one she kissed the pads of Chloe’s fingers. When done, she placed the hand on her hip, palm down. The skin was hot to Chloe’s touch.

“If you want to…” Max’s voice faded into the whir of insect wings. Radiant pools looked at Chloe. The tip of a tongue slipped between her lips, then retreated. “I want to.”

Heat rose in Chloe in response to Max. Willing her hand to stay steady, she brushed her fingertips across Max’s cheek and around her ear.

“Max… I do want to have sex with you, to love you like you deserve. I’m concerned that if we do this right now, with what you just shared… I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to push yourself because of me.”

There was a long silence before Max said, “Thank you. Please forgive me for how this sounds: right now, this is something I need. I need to show you love… I need.” Her voice broke and she took a couple of breaths to steady it. “I need to prove to myself that I am capable of loving you, of… of taking care of you. Taking care of all of you”

She looked at Chloe, her eyes wide. “I’m sorry that sounds self-centered. You’ve had a girlfriend for six months now. We’ve shared a bed, our lives, and more. But I haven’t really shared myself, me, with you. I remember how you looked at me after I started then stopped sex last December. You have wants and needs and I’ve ignored them too long.”

Her fingers touched Chloe’s lips, tracing their contour. “I want to give myself, all of myself to you. I want to show you how much I love you.”

Chloe gazed into the glowing blue eyes that peered deep into her own. There was a yearning in Max, in the way her body fit against hers, in the way she spoke and looked. Her defenses were coming down, and Chloe glimpsed the woman who gave up everything for her.

“I…” Chloe licked her lips, swallowing hard. She was suddenly uncertain in the face of the love that radiated from the woman at her side. Warmth flooded the areas where skin touched skin and she became hyper aware of Max’s softness.

And deep down, this was something she wanted also. She remembered all too well the thoughts she had after that night. Last week had reminded her of those thoughts and how her body had responded to Max’s attention.

Even more, she knew she wanted to love Max the way she deserved.

“Show me,” Chloe said, her throat so constricted her voice was no longer her own. “Show me everything.”

Max slipped from the blanket, throwing the covers off Chloe. Straddling her again, she looked down at the beauty below her. Hair and eyes glowed with an otherworldly light in the blue-purple of her power. She watched Chloe’s eyes track down her body and her stomach fluttered. The slow rise and fall of Chloe’s breasts, their swell clamoring for her touch, drew Max’s eyes.

She leaned down, her hair falling around her face as she lay on Chloe. Max felt the firmness of Chloe beneath her, the softness of her breasts, and the press of her hips and thighs.

Before their lips met, Max whispered, “I’m yours. I’ve been yours ever since I first saw you.” They kissed, Max opening herself to Chloe with a passion that was both tender and fiery. Her fingers traced up Chloe’s cheeks to play in her hair, tucking loose strands behind her ear and tracing its edge. Long they lay in that kiss, legs tangled and hands holding each other.

The kiss left them both panting and their skin burning. Heat rose from Chloe, searing and wanting, warming Max. “You never gave up on me,” Max whispered, lightly kissing along Chloe’s chin to her jaw and neck.

Moving her head to give those lips more room, Chloe shivered as Max kissed her. She thought of Max being aroused, ravaging her with love, and her nipples hardened. Her fingers pressed against Max’s side, feeling her tremble with desire as she traced up and down them.

Each time Chloe’s fingers neared Max’s breasts, her breath would catch in expectation. She teased Max with her fingers, as Max teased her with her lips. Max moved her body, trying to force Chloe’s fingers to touch her breasts, but Chloe deftly moved them away. A low sound came from Max, deep and wanting.

Teeth grazed the soft skin at the base of Chloe’s throat. “How could I give up on the woman I love,” Chloe asked with a thick voice. Through her half-lidded eyelids she saw a mass of glowing butterflies overhead, swirling in a ball. Max’s breasts brushed her stomach, hard nipples burning a path where they touched. She ached to touch and kiss them.

The lips went lower and now fingers slid along Chloe’s waist toward her hips. Heat rushed through her, centering between her legs and her breasts. Something hot brushed her leg and she raised it until it contacted the source. Warm, wet skin slid along her leg, leaving a burning trail.

Raw emotions surged through Chloe, fast and commanding. Each touch of Max’s lips sparked new ones. Her last experience with a lover came to mind and was shredded under the fury Max unleashed in her. The slow, soft ways Max brought her body to life, coupled with the depth of Max’s love swelled her own love. Never had anyone given as much for her as Max did. Never had anyone paid such attention to her.

“Are you cold?” The rich timbre of Max’s voice brought more flutters to Chloe’s stomach. Max looked with raised eyebrows at the hard nipples proudly standing in the heated air.

Wit betrayed Chloe for once, her mind so rattled, articulating thoughts was too hard. All she could do was shake her head.

“You look cold,” Max teased. A finger slid up one breast, circling the edge of her nipple but not touching it. “How can we make you warm?” Max smiled coyly and leaned close to her breasts. Chloe felt a hint of warmth as Max lightly blew across her skin.

“Poor Chloe,” Max said, her eyes fixed on Chloe’s. “She’s suffering so much. Let me help you get warm.” She blew again, this time across Chloe’s nipples.

Max pressed her mouth against one and Chloe exploded. “Oh fuck!” Her body bucked, pushing herself against Max, who never lost her position. Jolts of arousal shot through Chloe as Max mouthed her breasts. She swapped between nipples, giving each one thorough attention. Her tongue wove delicate designs on the sensitive skin.

One hand went to Max’s head to play with her hair. The other gathered their pillows under her head. She wanted to watch Max, to gaze on her girlfriend as she loved her in a way no one ever had. A desire to take control nearly consumed her, so deeply did she want to bring the same pleasure to Max. She barely restrained herself with trembling hands playing with Max’s hair. They pulled and twisted and Max moaned in response. The vibrations shot through her sensitive breasts with a near-painful satisfaction.

Her eyes traveled the length of Max. The soft blue-purple swirls and whorls along her lover’s body slowly pulsed, like another heartbeat. Chloe wanted to run her fingers and tongue along each light. She wanted to explore all of Max’s secrets and bring new ones to life with her kisses. She watched the curve of her ass as it slowly gyrated on Chloe’s leg. Her hands itched to caress it, to hold it and squeeze it.

Chloe’s center clenched with every touch, craving so much more. She smelled arousal and didn’t know if it was hers or Max’s.

Low moans came from her regularly now, fueled by Max’s lips and tongue sliding teasingly over her flesh. Hands traveled down her sides to her hips and thighs. With firm, even motions they stroked her thighs, always on the outside. The jolts of desire were now shooting to her core, sending her passion and happiness to new heights. The heat between her legs flared with each jolt.

The hands stopped, and Chloe looked at Max expectantly. She panted, stomach flexing with each brush of Max’s tongue. With a sweet smile, Max reached feathering fingertips to the inside of Chloe’s thigh and Chloe gasped. “Fuck, yes! Right… right… right there!”

Between her kisses, Max whispered words of love and passion. Her eyes stayed on Chloe’s, two cerulean lights that expressed love in a way Chloe never knew eyes could. They sought to pull her in and examine all her secrets. Through heavy-lidded eyes, Chloe watched Max’s narrow hips pressed against her leg, pushing her sex against her.

An insatiable desire to press her mouth between Max’s legs swept through Chloe. She wanted to make love to her pussy, to kiss it with the fire and zeal that she did her mouth. She pictured her tongue slipping between those hot, soft folds and she felt something hot and wet between her legs.

“Fuck me,” Chloe begged, “fuck me now!” Fingers moved between her legs, a touch so soft yet powerful enough to steal her breath. She gasped as she felt Max’s fingers on her pussy for the first time!

“Mmmm,” Max purred. “Someone’s very excited.” She raised her hand and two of her fingers glowed. Bringing the fingers to her mouth, she slowly licked them, watching Chloe the entire time.

The tongue, so small and sensuous, slipped up Max’s fingers and consumed Chloe’s attention. She wanted that tongue on her, in her! Max returned her hand between Chloe’s legs, fingers slipping around her hot, wet folds. Two fingers pressed into her and Chloe gasped. Max pushed upward with her fingers, and her body came forward, her mouth sealing Chloe’s.

Max kissed Chloe with a surprising passion. New tastes mingled and Chloe found her chest heaving. Fingers pressed and moved, slipping in and out of her wetness. Always the right pressure, always the right movement.

Fingers closed around a nipple, a light pressure that tantalized. Max moved in her own rhythm, complementary to Chloe’s and just as thrilling. The pressure turned into a pinch and Chloe gasped in pain. “Ow,” she said into the kiss, “too much.” At once Max lessened the pressure, returning it to a gentle pull.

“Sorry,” Max whispered, “got a little excited.” She let go of Chloe’s nipple, and changed to a light fondling. It didn’t take long for pleasure to replace the pain and make it forgotten.

Chloe was no longer in command of her own body as Max made love to her in a way she never thought possible. Her throat made sounds that she didn’t cause and her body burned with a fire so hot it should cause the bed to go up in flames.

She writhed and shook under Max. When their lips parted she begged for more, for it not to stop. The lips returned and she clung to Max, her hands moving rapidly over her hair, her ass, touching anything she could. Her mind was spinning out of control, brought to new places by a love stronger than time.

Chloe had never felt so alive. Before tonight, she had been dead to the ways of love. She had been brought to life by the beautiful woman who gave up everything. This woman who doubted herself, who hated herself, had more love to give than her small body should be able to contain! If the world only knew what it owed her.

A teasing thumb moved over her clit, a light touch that sent overwhelming sensations through her. Chloe quivered and felt herself clench on those fingers deep inside her. Max kissed her again, hot, frenzied, wanting.

From the center of her legs, where fingers plunged, a new energy came to life. It swept through Chloe’s body, bringing with it such exquisite fulfillment that reality shook. For a moment all that existed was her and Max, and the joy brought by Max’s touch. The joy stretched into eternity, complemented by a high, voiceless sound. Her delight became everything.

In her bliss, Chloe saw stars swirling around them. Nebulas, rich in color and energy, wrapped them with their creative power. Above her, Max smiled in her own joy, only her body was made of stars and throbbed with a music felt, not heard. She was everywhere and nowhere and the Universe sang with their song of ecstasy.

When Chloe finally returned to herself, her body was spent and wasted. She lay limp in Max’s arms, skin still flush with heat and passion, but no longer able to move. Max held her from behind, her fingers softly stroking her, and lips kissing her sweat-soaked hair.

Words couldn’t describe what she was feeling, except for one thing: she wanted to bring the same experience to Max! She turned her head to smile at the beauty behind her, stars dancing in those blue eyes. “Fuck girl,” she panted.

With a sweet smile, Max whispered, “Yes, yes I did.”

“I love you.”

Max kissed her, soft and brief. “I love you, Chloe. I always have and I always will.”

It was strange, laying in Max’s arms with their roles reversed. A sense of comfort and security mixed with the excitement that thrummed her body. She folded her hands over Max’s, holding them tight to herself.

“The week before you returned,” Chloe whispered, “I realized how much I wanted this. Not from anyone, only from you. No, I didn’t want it, I needed it!”

She lifted one hand and began kissing each of Max’s fingers. Fingers that a short time ago brought her pleasure and love she never knew existed. “I’d say you proved you can take care of me and love me,” she said throatily. Desire stirred again in her depths. Tendrils of heat flared along her body.

Chloe turned and straddled Max. She nipped the side of Max’s neck. Her head lifted to look at Max with passionate eyes. “I…” Her breath was coming quick in anticipation, her mind already aflame with how she loved Max and wanted to show it. “I want to fuck Max Caulfield.”

“Then fuck me,” Max said demurely.

* * *

What seemed like several hours later, Max gave one final kiss between Chloe’s legs and rolled off her. They lay side-by-side with the covers cast to the floor around the bed. The room was uncomfortably hot and smelled of passion fulfilled. Max pulled the pillow from under Chloe’s hips and laid her head on it. “Wowsers,” she said breathlessly.

“The fuck! Did you just say wowsers?” Chloe sat up to look at her as she spoke.

A grin spread across Max’s face. “Yes, yes I did.” In the purple-blue lighting it was hard to tell, but Chloe could swear Max’s face was turning red.

“Ok, is there a story behind that?”

“Maybe.”

After a long silence where Max kept smiling and not talking, Chloe said, “Do I need to do something to get you to speak?”

Reaching up, Max traced a circle around around one of Chloe’s nipples. “No,” she said impishly. Her hand covered the breast, giving it soft squeezes as she pressed it.

“Mmm, if you’re going for another round, you better tell me now!”

Max sat up and turned so she could sit across Chloe’s lap. She shuddered in excitement as she recalled being in this position months ago. The position was a bit awkward, but she loved the feeling of holding Chloe this way. It was one of her favorite places to be. “The first time we had sex, in any timeline, was also the first time I had sex-”

“I was your first,” Chloe interrupted. Excitement and wonder filled her voice.

Max snuggled her head on Chloe’s shoulder, where she could easily kiss Chloe. Which she did. “Yes, you were my first… everything.”

“Yes!”

“You seem oddly happy for something you weren’t there for,” Max teased.

“I’m celebrating for my doppelgänger who couldn’t be here tonight.”

“As I was saying…” Max raised her head to give Chloe a sidelong look. That only made Chloe laugh. “The first time I had sex it was so mind-blowing that the only word that came to mind when I…”

“Came? Orgasmed?”

“Yes,” Max swatted Chloe lightly. “And yes, I still have a few inhibitions, thank you. You made me feel so good the only word that came to mind was ‘wowsers.’ Ever since, I’ve said it after my first time with each Chloe… to remember.”

“Remember what?”

“To remember that each of you are different and special and… my first.”

“You’re adorable!”

Max let her fingers trail down Chloe’s back to her butt where they drew little circles. “We better not,” Chloe said reluctantly.

“Better not… what?”

“Go for another round. I hate to think what time it is. Taiwo set up early practice tomorrow since we’re changing our set for the fund raiser.”

“Well, you’ll like this then,” Max said as she slipped a hand between them. The impish smile came back as her fingers traced a soft path between Chloe’s legs. She hadn’t shown Chloe everything she knew, not by a long shot!

Chloe’s instant taking of a breath and unfocused eyes told Max that the skin between inner thigh and pussy were also sensitive in this timeline. There was a weird pleasure from knowing Chloe’s body so well. And, sadly, she wished the reverse were true for her.

Pushing those thoughts from her mind, Max kissed Chloe passionately. Her fingers kept moving featherlight along the soft skin, coaxing soft sounds from Chloe. Fingers slipped under Max, brushing lightly against her. “Not there,” she whispered. Reaching back, she moved Chloe’s hand slightly. “There,” she said with a tremble.

She dove back into the kiss with renewed passion, biting lightly on Chloe’s lip. The moment became everything as fingers and passion and lips and gasps ruled them. In the midst of it, Max leaned backwards, her body pushing Chloe’s hand aside as she reclined. Her legs remained around Chloe’s waist and her fingers between her legs.

Smiling through half-closed eyes, Max beckoned Chloe with her free hand. Chloe stretched over her, hands to either side of Max’s shoulders. She stayed above her, blue hair ringing her head like a halo. “Damn, you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen,” Chloe murmured.

“Don’t keep me waiting,” Max said. Her free hand moved to Chloe’s shoulder, pulling down on her. As their bodies pressed together, Max slipped her fingers inside her lover. Chloe immediately pushed down on them, trapping her hand.

“I’ve been keeping us in a stasis bubble the entire time,” Max whispered in her ear as Chloe moved between her legs. She groaned as Chloe pushed against her.

“What does that mean,” Chloe asked throatily as she nipped at Max’s neck. Her hips kept thrusting, rubbing back and forth, pushing against Max’s hand.

“It means,” Max groaned, pulling Chloe tight against her. “That we can have as much fun as we want and no time will pass. We can still get all the sleep we need.” The back of her hand pushed against her clit with each thrust of Chloe’s hips. She spread her legs and moved them back to change the angle. Her hand was in an awkward position, and it hurt, but damn did it also feel good!

Even better was watching the intensity of emotion roll across Chloe’s face. Watching her face twist in passion and knowing she was the reason for it, that she was bringing Chloe such bliss boosted her self-confidence. More, it drew Max deeper into the moment and strengthened the love she felt for her. In these moments, when she brought Chloe to the heights of passion and pleasure, where Chloe glowed from it, Max believed her sacrifices were worth it. To see her girlfriend so happy was so satisfying.

Chloe lifted her head. “Really? Now, that’s a superpower!”

“It’s a good thing too,” Max grunted. The blue-purple light intensified. “The first time, your power kicked in. You would… have given everyone in… this building an… orgasm when you came.” Her speech was scattered by the pleasure stealing her breath.

Chloe looked at the girl, no, the woman below her. Her lips parted in a smile, cheeks flushed in passion, the softness of her eyes, the yearning and vulnerability she conveyed all heightened her love for this beautiful person. Chloe’s hips kept their steady rhythm, bringing delight to both.

A white glow lit Chloe, seeping into Max as she kissed the timeless woman. “I want you to feel all my love,” Chloe said between kisses. Max wrapped her legs around Chloe, opening herself to everything that Chloe gave her. White and bluish-purple light combined and Max and the Universe cried out in her joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My thanks to HopliteKate (https://twitter.com/HopliteKate) for beta reading the wlw scene. Your input helped make this chapter better!


	35. Chapter 35

_I don’t know what else to say_  
_I don’t want to push you away_  
_And I need your help today_  
_I can’t get off the ground today_

Near Max, the void stirred; its nothingness swirled into a shape. Two blue sparks appeared, flaring with life and power. Chloe stepped forth, her body radiant and her voice lifted in song.

Shrinking from her, Max stammered, “Y-you shouldn’t be here!”

“That line didn’t work the last time.” The back of Chloe’s fingers brushed Max, who flinched from the contact.

“Let me… just finish this, please.” She turned her eyes away from Chloe to avoid those beautiful blues from swaying her. They pulled at her, their beauty representing the promise of love and more. A promise she had given away everything for.

“You’re running again, Max. I’m not going to stand by and watch you do this.”

“Why do you care?” She tried to make her words sound hard and hateful, but failed. Instead, they were filled with broken dreams and sorrow.

At her words, Chloe stepped into her space. “Because I love you. Max, you shouldn’t be alone. Do you remember the book Kate wrote? Max and the Big Meanies?”

Max nodded her head, keeping her eyes averted to not look at Chloe.

“When you told me those big meanies were loneliness, I thought I understood. But I was so fucking wrong! You weren’t talking about occasionally missing someone, or being at a party alone.

“You meant a loneliness that comes from feeling not good enough. Like you don’t get to be happy or have someone because you’re worthless. That’s not true though!

“You deserve happiness just as much as me! You deserve to live a long, full life. With friends. And you are worth something.”

“I destroyed everything,” Max whispered. A bitter truth that undid Chloe’s words. “How can I deserve anything, let alone someone as wonderful as you, when I did that?”

“If you destroyed everything,” Chloe said, “then how am I here?” She paused a moment, stepping again into Max’s view. “I want to grow old with you, Max. You are worth something… you’re worth everything to me.”

Shaking her head, Max looked down at the fragments of reality she held. “Everything I touch, I destroy. I am become death, destroyer of worlds.”

Laying a hand lightly on Max’s arm, Chloe said, “Remember why you came back. You’re not death, you are life and hope.”

The touch sent a shudder through Max. She eyed the hand and what it hinted at. “I’ve killed too many times, destroyed too many times. The right thing to do is to undo myself.”

“Fuck that! The right thing to do is to heal the damage, not make it worse!”

“What did you say?” Max gave Chloe a sharp look, not caring whether looking at the person she loved would weaken her resolve. Which it did.

“The right thing to do is to heal the damage.”

That’s what she should have done at the beginning. With a heavy heart, Max turned away again. Her hands clung to her elbows and she hunched her shoulders.

The Captain stood in front of her, young Chloe in her pirate cat t-shirt next to her. Moment by moment, other Chloes materialized until there was a sea of them around her. The original stepped from their midst, beckoning the Captain to follow.

“It’s ok to let yourself love and be loved, Max,” the Captain said.

“You aren’t to blame for the way my life turned out,” original Chloe said. “I made those decisions, not you.”

“How can anyone really love me after everything I’ve done,” Max cried.

“I asked a similar question after I saw your memory of Medford’s destruction,” Chloe said. “Do you remember what I said?”

Warmth blossomed in her chest when Max remembered Chloe placing her hand there. A softness caressed her arms and her heart yearned for that touch again. “You said,” she drew out the words as she sorted through her emotions to find the memory. “I should accept it, and not question whether I’m worth it or not, because only you can decide that.”

Chloe inched closer, her hand extended. “You don’t control who loves you; it’s not your decision. My decision is to love you and help you. Will you accept that?”

“Why do you love me?”

“You genuinely care for people. You put others needs and wellbeing before your own. Despite hating yourself and your self-imposed loneliness, you drop everything to help others. You make me and everyone around you better.”

Max blinked as those answers came rapidly. Her vision blurred. “You… really see me that way?”

“You are that way, Max. That’s how all of us see you.”

The other Chloes nodded and answered in unison. “It’s ok you don’t see yourself that way,” Chloe continued. “Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves and our life we don’t see it. It takes another person’s view to let us see who we are.”

Max looked at the offered hand. The touch it promised, and Chloe’s honest words, warred with how she saw herself. The tumult and uncertainty were too much. With a soft cry, she threw herself at Chloe. The fragments of her realities scattered as she replaced their cruel, hard edges, for the soft ones of her girlfriend.

“Hold me,” she begged, “don’t let me go. Help me see me the way you do!”

Chloe’s arms went around her. Closing her eyes, Max said, “I love you, Chloe.” For a moment she stayed there, enjoying the feeling of being wanted, being loved. The moment was fleeting. While the breach existed, nothing was safe.

Loosing her hold on Chloe, she stepped away. Her hand traced down Chloe’s arm until it found her hand and latched on tight. Flashing a weak smile at Chloe, Max turned her eyes on the nothingness of the breach.

It wanted her, pulling at her mind, body, and soul.

But Chloe wanted her more. She pulled at Max’s heart.

* * *

Morning arrived and Max awoke first. She propped herself on one arm and watched Chloe for a while. The peaceful look of slumber always brought a spark of something to her, even when Chloe had her mouth open with a little drool coming out. Like right now. She walked her fingers up Chloe’s chest, to her neck, then face. A finger tapped Chloe on the nose.

A moment or two later, Chloe’s eyes fluttered open. “Morning, beautiful,” Max said.

“Mmm,” Chloe said and stretched, then reached for her.

Max used her ability to stop time for them.

Later, in the shower, Chloe wrapped her arms around Max, back to front. “Is this how you and… the Captain were?”

“Close? Intimate?”

“Fucking like rabbits?”

Max laughed, a gentle rolling sound that made the day seem brighter. “Only at the start. We stayed intimate until the end. And, since I’m pretty sure I know where you’re going with this, we had sex several times a week.”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that,” Chloe said as she slipped one hand lower.

Max did not use her time stopping power.

The water went cold, forcing a quick end to the shower. Laughing, they stepped from the cold tub and into warm towels and arms. With laughter and hugs and towels, they were quickly dry and warm. Max held Chloe for a time, one towel wrapped around them. Heat seeped into each other, warming their bodies cooled by the sudden temperature change at the end of the shower. After they dressed, they wandered to the kitchen for breakfast.

Steph and Rachel were there, looking freshly showered as well. Chloe eyed both of them, the coffee not yet made. “Having a little trouble getting clean this morning,” Chloe asked as she grabbed the carafe to fill with water.

“Nothing that a little team effort couldn’t handle,” Steph said with a smile. She gave Max a look. “You’re looking a little flushed there, Max. And… are you humming?”

“I think Max got a little vitamin Chloe,” Rachel quipped from the kitchen entrance. “Was it an oral application?”

Max groaned. Ribbing among friends about sex was something she didn’t like. At the same time, part of her enjoyed being included and having friends. Friends who cared enough to tease her. Ignoring the heat of her face, and the banter, Max opened the fridge and set about making breakfast. Chloe finished prepping the coffee maker, then chased Steph and Rachel from the kitchen and joined Max in making breakfast.

Between the two of them, breakfast was made quickly and brought out to the table. While they talked and ate, Max paid close attention to Steph and Rachel. When she healed the time breach, she also restored their memories. The first few days were odd for them, because they remembered losing their memories as well as gaining them.

Like Steph and Rachel, life had largely resumed after that day. There were hiccups here and there, such as Max no longer having the family pass at Chloe’s work. Mostly life had returned to a routine that Max hadn’t experienced since last October.

Monday she would return to work. That made her nervous. She’d managed to get rehired at the cafe, after a long, awkward discussion with the owner.

“Hey, babe,” Chloe said around a mouthful of food. “What do you think of going to visit Kate next weekend?”

Setting her fork down, Max said, “I’d like that a lot.”

“Good,” Chloe said, wiping her mouth. She had her phone in her other hand. “She said Emma’s been asking about you, and Kate has a book idea she’d like your help with.”

“Really? A book idea?”

Chloe tapped away on her phone. “Next weekend. If we leave Friday right after work, I think we can get there by eight.”

The message sent, Chloe gathered her and Max’s empty plate. Steph rose also and helped clear the table. Taking her cup of coffee, Max went to the futon and knelt on it. Rachel went to the back of the apartment.

Even though she wanted to visit Kate and little Emma, the thought also scared her. Steph and Rachel had come to terms with her removing their memories in a way she never expected. Kate, with the book, and her daughter, what would she think?

At least Kate wanted to see her. That would give her the opportunity to explain and beg forgiveness.

As if she could ever be forgiven.

Putting the coffee cup down, Max closed her eyes. She focused on the the feel of her clothes against her skin, rough and tight in the oddest places. In her mind, she pictured herself seated on the futon, legs curled beneath her. She examined the back of her head, how her hair lay and moved.

She could be forgiven. Steph and Rachel both forgave her. Chloe forgave her. There was hope that an explanation, along with her plan to stop her endless self-hate would help her heal whatever breach she had caused. She would ask Kate what she needed to do to heal the breach.

The futon moved as someone sat next to her. In her mental vision, Max pictured Chloe next to her, legs crossed and hair tousled. “Are you coming to practice with me,” Chloe asked.

“If it’s ok,” she replied with her eyes still closed.

Soft lips pressed against hers then disappeared as quickly. Max opened her eyes. “Ninja kiss,” Chloe laughed.

“Pirate kiss you rascal,” Max fake pouted. Chloe grabbed her hand and stood. “Rachel,” she yelled down the hall, “we’re going.”

Footsteps hurried down the hall and Rachel rounded the corner. She carried a guitar case in one hand. “Ready,” she said. Steph came out and gave her a quick kiss goodbye.

The travel to the practice studio was uneventful. The puddles from yesterday’s storm were largely gone. It was an unusually hot, sticky spring day and they drove with the windows up and the AC on.

They were at a stoplight a couple of blocks from the studio waiting, when Max felt her eyes drawn to the cross street to her right. A fair-skinned woman, wearing blue jeans and t-shirt sat astride a motorcycle with tall handlebars. A bandana was tied around her neck, and a helmet with a skull on it covered her head. Purple hair peeked from its edges.

“Chloe,” Max said, but right then their light turned green. Max turned her head to look as they passed in front of the motorcycle. The woman, seeing Max look at her, raised her hand in a two-fingered salute and flashed her a big grin.

“What is it, Max?” But Max was no longer focused on Chloe. She leaned so she could see behind them in the side mirror. The motorcycle was following them!

Minutes later, they parked in front of the building that housed the rehearsal studio. The motorcycle pulled alongside them. Opening the door, Max stepped from the car. That was when she noticed a guitar case strapped to the woman’s back. How did she miss that earlier?

Rachel dragged her guitar case from the back seat with a low grunt. “You must be our new bassist,” she said as she closed the door. The woman hung her helmet from a handle and ran her fingers through her sweat-dampened hair.

Her eyes strayed over to Max, a smile crinkling the corners. “That’s me,” she said. She readjusted the bandana on her head, pirate style. Stepping off the motorcycle, she slipped the guitar case to the ground and took off her sunglasses. Brilliant blue eyes regarded Max.

A presence to her side alerted Max that Chloe stood next to her. That and the hand that took hers. “Another one,” Chloe asked under her breath.

“The captain,” Max whispered in response. The grip on her hand tightened.

Another motorcycle roared up at that moment, ridden by a brown-skinned woman with well-defined arms. She parked the bike next to the other, took off her helmet and tousled her jet black hair that lay in loose curls. She climbed off the bike and Max was surprised the newcomer was shorter than she!

“Hope you don’t mind, I invited my girlfriend to the practice,” said the first woman.

Rachel glanced at the newcomer, then at Max. “It seems to be a trend,” she said, “I should have invited mine.” She stepped toward the door, saying, “I’m Rachel and it doesn’t matter to me if your girlfriend is here. Better clear it with Taiwo, first.”

“I already did.”

The newcomer picked up the guitar case. “Elikapeka,” she said, jerking a thumb toward herself, “Or Eli”. Max and Chloe quickly introduced themselves, with Max keeping her eyes on the unnamed woman.

That woman stepped close, into Max and Chloe’s personal space. Next to her, Chloe tensed. “I’m D’arcy,” she said, “but my friends call me… Dar.” Her eyes stayed on Max’s. “Do we know each other? You seem… familiar.”

Swallowing hard, Max broke the gaze, turning her head away. Eli had come near, laying a hand on Dar’s shoulder. “Stop scaring them,” she laughed. Three cuts were in Eli’s left eyebrow, which she arched as she looked at them.

“No… not anymore,” Max whispered, in answer to Dar’s question.

Dar looked at her a little longer, then turned her attention to Chloe. She held up her hand for a fist bump. “I heard about your last performance. Fuckin’ awesome, girl!” Chloe’s hand came up slowly and gave the fist a bump.

With an arm around her waist, Eli led Dar toward the door. “Lookin’ forward to this,” Dar said over her shoulder.

“You ok,” Chloe asked, her hand moving from Max’s hand to her waist in a sideways hug. Max nodded. She couldn’t identify the swirl of emotions running through her at what just happened.

“Will they all… meet you or us,” Chloe asked softly. “Will they all know you?”

“I don’t know, and likely yes,” Max replied. She leaned against Chloe, enjoying the hug.

“How many are there?”

“As many as the sands of the sea.”

“Damn.” Chloe looked at Max and felt the tremor start. She pulled her around into her arms.

“I’m sorry,” Max choked.

“For?”

“It wasn’t 72… it was thousands and thousands… and for making you have to deal with… my fuck-ups.” She peered up at Chloe, eyes unfocused and wild. “Hate me, please!”

Leaning her head to touch Max’s, Chloe said, “I won’t hate you. I will love you.” A soft glow suffused Chloe, spreading to Max. When it reached her heart, Chloe gasped. “So… much! Fuck, that hurts!”

* * *

“I… don’t know if I can do this. It hurts so much!”

Something shifted, like the movement of a blanket wrapped around to provide comfort.

“You don’t have to do it alone.”

“But… it’s mine! It’s my pain. I caused it!”

“That doesn’t mean you have to carry it alone.”

“It’s not your responsibility, Chloe.”

Silence descended, heavy, smothering. It choked both sound and life.

“I’ve been thinking about my power.”

The slight hint of a sound came in response. “Help me.”

“Emergencies kind of do that, you know? Make you think faster and different than normal. I think part of my power is channeling.”

“Make it stop!” The voice, broken by pain, was only a whisper.

“Let me help you carry that burden, Max.”

“You-”

A soft white light appeared, spreading from Chloe, down her arm. It seeped into Max where her hand touched her chest. When it touched her, Max spasmed, her hands grabbing hold of Chloe’s wrist. “No,” she cried. “I don’t want you suffering for my mistakes.”

“It’s not your choice,” Chloe gently said. ”It’s mine.” Then she fell to her knees gasping for air. Her mouth moved, spitting curses, but none came. Max tore at her wrist, trying to pry Chloe’s hand off her chest.

With wide tear-filled eyes, Chloe looked at Max. “How… How do you live with such pain?” She forced herself to move. She was slow and whimpered with each movement. “You are an amazing woman,” she whispered.

“Don’t,” Max protested. She tried to push Chloe away, to free herself from her grasp. “You don’t deserve this!”

Chloe wrapped her arms around Max. “Neither do you,” she whispered. “I choose this. I choose you.”

* * *

The house sat before them, waiting. Lights in the window brightened the gathering dusk. Chloe lay her hand on Max’s. “You can do this,” she whispered. “Kate really wants to see you, and so does Emma.”

A weak smile flitted across Max’s face. “I want to see them too, just…” She looked back to the windows. “It’s hard facing my mistakes, the way I’ve hurt people.”

“I’ll be right there with you.” Chloe gave her hand another squeeze. Lifting it to her lips, she planted a kiss on its back. “Ready whenever you are,” she said softly.

Leaning across the console, Max kissed Chloe. A chaste kiss filled with warmth and a hint of longing. “Thank you,” she whispered. Undoing her seatbelt, she opened the door and got out.

A shrill cry of delight rang through the house at their knock. Max’s mood immediately lifted at hearing Emma’s excitement. The door opened to Kate’s smiling face, and an explosion of happiness that attached herself to Max’s waist.

“Oof,” Max said as Emma hugged the air from her.

“You’re here,” Kate announced with a laugh. Leaving the doorway, she wrapped Max in a hug. At first, Max stiffened, her mind wanting to reject it. Chloe gave her a smile and touched her elbow. Wrapping her arms around Kate, Max returned the hug.

Like the last visit, Emma stayed attached to Max. Instead of tickling her, Max knelt, forcing the girl to let go. Opening her arms, Max let Emma hug her properly. That presented a new problem because Emma still wouldn’t let go. Holding the girl tight, Max stood, lifting the girl into the air with a delighted shout.

Lewis moved to take Emma, but Max waved him away. She moved toward the door, and he grabbed her bag instead. “That’s the type of greeting I’d like when I get home,” Chloe quipped as she entered the house behind Max. Max bit back a response, not sure if she should joke about their personal life here.

Chloe grabbed Max’s bag from Lewis and took them to their room. Meanwhile, Max tottered to the couch and plopped down. “You must be thirsty after your trip,” Kate said. “May I offer you some tea, or other beverage?”

“Some herbal tea would be great,” Max said. Now she turned her attention to Emma, tickling her under the arms. With a shrill laugh, the little girl rolled off her to the couch. She lay on her back, bright eyes peering intently at Max as she continued to laugh.

“Are you hungry,” Lewis asked as Chloe returned.

“I could do with some food,” Chloe said. “You, Max?”

“Something to snack on would be good.”

Lewis made some sound of acknowledgement.

“Emma, dear,” Kate called from the kitchen. “Why don’t you show Auntie Max your project.”

A thrill went through Max at Kate’s words. Auntie Max? She looked up at Kate, who was bringing over a tray with a teapot, cups, and other items. Kate set the tray on the low table in front of the couch and then seated herself near Max.

“I kept some water hot,” Kate said, “in case you wanted some when you arrived.” Kate folded her hands on her lap properly, with her knees together. Her hair was longer than last time, and fixed in a single braid.

For a while, the only sounds were Lewis in the kitchen, and Emma singing from her room. “It will take her a few minutes to get her project,” Kate said, giving Max a quick look.

Max’s hands hurt. They pinched and squeezed each other as she fretted over what to say.

Fingers lightly slid over her worrying hands and Kate gave her a little smile. “Max,” she said softly, “you’re my friend. I’m just glad… that you’re ok, and that you’re fighting it.”

“Wuh?”

Kate squeezed her hands. “Please forgive her, she did it to help you with your fight. Chloe already told me what happened. You have nothing to fear from me. I forgive you.”

“But… I took something from you… something precious… and your daughter…”

Kate left her hand on Max’s and took a deep breath, letting it out after a moment. “Do you mind if I share a brief story from the Bible with you?”

Max looked at Chloe, who shrugged her shoulders. “No…”

“Peter was a friend of Jesus. One day, he asked Jesus how often he should forgive his brother. ‘Seven times?’ he asked. He thought that was a lot. But Jesus told him, ‘Not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’

“The point, for me, is we make mistakes and hurt each other all the time. When someone is truly sorry for what they did and are seeking to undo the harm they caused, I shouldn’t keep track of it. I should forgive freely.

“What Chloe told me… is amazing and my heart hurts for you. She also told me about your strength and love and what you are doing to set things right. I’m sure we’ll have time to talk more this weekend, just you and I. Right now I want you to know that in this household you are a dear friend who is loved.”

The more Kate spoke, the harder it was to see her. Max looked over at Chloe, standing near the hallway. She waved a hand at her, or Max thought it was a hand. Her blurry vision made it so hard to see!

Running feet came down the hall, and Chloe swooped Emma into her arms. “Hey, young lady,” she said softly. “Let’s give your mom and Auntie Max a moment.”

“I… don’t know what to say,” Max said, her voice breaking.

“You don’t need to say anything,” Kate said as she poured the hot water into the cups. “You’re my friend.” She moved the steaming cup closer to Max.

A small hand tapped Max’s knee. “Can I show you my project,” Emma asked, precisely enunciating the words. In her hands were papers and what looked like two small homemade dolls.

“She made this after your last visit,” Kate said with a smile. Lewis came in, handing Chloe a sandwich and placing a tray of snacks next to the tea tray. Handing each a napkin, he piled a few snacks on his, then sat in a recliner to the side.

“Yes, you can show me now,” Max said, her voice thick. She passed the back of her hand over her eyes, clearing them of the troubling tears that blurred them. Emma placed the pile of papers on Max’s lap.

Wiping the tears on her pants leg, Max picked up the papers. A cord bound the left edges together, making them into a crude book. On the cover were two girls, one with brown hair, the other with blonde. The title was “Max Finds a Frend”.

Something pushed at her heart and Max’s mouth fell open. She opened to the first page.

Emma placed a little homemade doll with blue button eyes and brown yarn hair on Max’s knee. “This is Max,” she said with a giggle. In a kid whisper she said, “She’s you.” Another doll plopped onto her other knee, this one with yellow yarn hair. “And this one is Chloe.”

“I wanted to make her hair blue but mommy said she didn’t have blue hair as a kid.” Emma’s hands danced in her excitement, pointing to the picture of Max on the first page. Over the next few minutes, she recounted the story Max had told her months ago about meeting Chloe when she was a little girl.

The book was well illustrated by Emma’s own hand and the dolls had little outfits for each scene they acted out. When Emma was done, Max was at a loss for words.

“Didja like it,” Emma asked, her eyes shining bright.

“It was…” Max looked at those little eyes so filled with wonder and life, waiting for an answer. “The best thing I’ve ever seen!” Emma’s face beamed at the praise.

* * *

A meteor flared across the sky, its light brilliant for a few seconds before dying. That’s how her life seemed right now: brilliant, waiting for the end.

Max leaned against the porch railing and looked at the stars above. Portland with its city lights and sounds made it difficult to see the night sky. How she missed studying the sky, looking into the Milky Way, finding the constellations.

Fond memories came to her of doing that as a child in Chloe’s backyard. The giggles of girls telling silly stories echoed in her mind. Warmth spread through her as she remembered Chloe trying to recreate that in her bedroom.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

Max nodded. “Out here,” she said slowly, “They look like gems in the sky.”

“They are nothing compared to you.”

Max didn’t answer, her mind battling with the compliment.

“What’s on your mind?”

Her gaze dropped from the sky to the darkness of the trees and shrubs. Defenses started kicking in, infusing Max with a desire to run, to dissemble, before something bad could happen. Like someone telling her she was worth a damn.

“It’s too much…” She was falling into the void with only the porch railing to save her.

“You’re worth-”

“No!” She rounded on Chloe, her eyes and skin blazing with blue light. “Stop telling me that! I’m a monster! I’ve killed and ruined people’s lives! Why can’t… why can’t you and Kate and Steph and and Rachel see me for the monster that I am! You keep doing good things for me and… and you should hate me! Please hate me…”

She collapsed against the railing, her voice trailing into a whisper, her strength spent on the outburst. Chloe edged closer. “Monsters don’t give second chances to people. They don’t give up themselves to protect and help others. Monsters aren’t concerned with building and preserving and growing.

“You, Max,” Chloe slipped her arms around Max. She struggled, trying to push Chloe away, but gave up after a few seconds. “You do all those things and more!” She fell silent, swaying with her arms wrapped around Max. The world was without sound or movement.

“It must be terrifying to have good things,” Chloe spoke to the dark. “If disaster and loss and death always follow those good things. I would be afraid of them too.”

Max shook her head, “No, Chloe, you wouldn’t! You’re not weak and a freak like I am!”

“Oh, no? I’m just as weak as you. Remember the office manager at my job? She tried to befriend me when I first started. I think she’s lonely and doesn’t realize the way she treats people pushes everyone away. I ignored her invitations to hang out and instead fell into the trap of calling her names behind her back, like everyone else does.

“As for being a freak… I’m a skinny gi-woman who dresses how she wants. The number of people who think I’m a guy and get up in my business because of how I dress is insane. ‘Freak’ is the nicest thing people have said about me.”

Chloe led Max toward a porch swing. Immediately, Max climbed onto Chloe’s lap and snuggled against her. Lips brushed against Chloe’s jaw and fingers tangled with her hair, twisting the strands together. “How… do you cope with being called freak or worse?”

Chloe kicked her legs, sending the swing into a gentle motion. “Mostly by ignoring what people say. They can have their opinion, but I can’t let it shape how I view myself. If I let people’s opinions shape my view of myself… I’d be pretty fucked up. That’s not a comment on you, love. That’s only about me.”

They sat a while in silence, Chloe looking at the stars, Max looking at her star. The swing swayed a gentle, calming motion. The blue glow had faded.

“I’m sorry,” Max whispered.

“For?”

“That people called you a freak and worse.”

Shrugging, Chloe said, “Thanks.” After a pause she added, “How are you feeling now?”

“Scared. All the good things in my life right now… I need… something to tear me down… to confirm I’m worthless…”

“Because that’s the only way you feel good?”

A small nod answered Chloe’s question. She kicked her legs again, keeping the swing in its soothing arc. Chloe began to softly sing, her voice barely above a whisper. It was a lullaby her mom used to sing to her when she was little and right now it was the only song that came to mind.

A faint white glow lit Chloe, traveling down her arms to Max, who closed her eyes and struggled to open herself to what Chloe was giving her.

“I want you to feel my love for you,” Chloe whispered.

Warmth wrapped around Max, like the comfort of her snuggly blanket. Her mind calmed, the hatred and uncertainty pushed aside. She felt protected, wanted. Worthy. She was worthy.

Tears sprang to her eyes, brought there by the feelings pouring into her. “You really see me this way?” Her voice shook as her heart moved to a new beat. Her body trembled as she took a breath, which was hard because her chest was so tight.

How could anyone see her this way?

But Chloe could. “Yes,” Chloe whispered with a kiss. “That’s how I see you. That’s how you make me feel.”

* * *

“I am Max Caulfield and I am loved.”

An endless stream of faces marched through her memory. Chloe in all stages of life and emotions, ending with the one who stood with her now. The hand tightened on hers.

The void was hungry and it wanted her. Max looked at it. The myriad choices and possibilities were distilled to a single action. She no longer saw the void as her future.

With one thought she opened herself to it, not in defeat, but in acceptance. It rushed at her, she rushed at it, or maybe it was both. They came together with Max picturing Chloe in her heart. “For you,” she whispered, and then she was undone.

* * *

Emma found them the next morning cuddled together on the swing. They lay side-by-side, with Chloe mostly under Max and holding her tight. Emma pushed the swing, watching it rock her two friends awake. Seeing a pile of hugs, she climbed on top of them and added hers.

“There you are,” came Kate’s voice. A little bit of mom-tone edged it. “Emma, let them get up.”

“She’s fine, Kate,” Chloe said, until Emma accidentally knocked her chin with an elbow. “Ugh, ok, time to get up. This swing is barely big enough for two of us.”

Without complaint, Emma slid off and Max and Chloe sat up. “What’s for breakfast?” She rubbed her jaw while she spoke.

“I’m thinking waffles, eggs, and bacon,” Kate said. “Go inside and get dressed.” The last was to Emma, still in her fuzzy bunny pajamas.

“Let me help you.” Max stood and straightened her pajamas.

“No, Max, you’re our…” Kate let her voice trail off as Max’s face fell. “You know what? Never mind. Come help me. It’ll be fun.” A bright smile lit her face.

Smiling in return, Max grabbed Chloe’s and Emma’s hands and followed Kate into the house.

* * *

Reality sped toward the breach. Chloe squeezed Max’s hand, a smile dancing on her lips. Her girlfriend was troubled. Doubt and fear pulled at her eyes and mouth, weakening the smile she tried to give Chloe. “We can do it,” Chloe whispered. “Max and Chloe forever!”

Max’s smile strengthened at her words. “Always,” she said, then stepped into the breach.

Chloe stood before the breach. Uncertainty filled her the longer she watched it. For a moment, all was the same. The sameness stretched into eternity and then it was gone. She found herself standing in the park, her eyes blinking rapidly in the sudden light.

She turned in a slow circle, but there was only the park. Sound didn’t exist, or if it did she couldn't hear. Chloe walked to her car, shoes silent in the empty world, and pulled out her phone. The screen lit up, but otherwise it didn’t work.

Chloe put her phone away and leaned against the car. Max was nowhere. The odd ability to sense her was gone, or no longer worked. She tried not to think about what that meant, her fingers tapping out a soundless tune on the hood. Her heart wanted to focus on Max’s absence and derive hidden meaning from her inability to sense her. That feeling, so seldom present in past months, had become a comfortable friend lately.

She stood and paced around the car.

Heaven and Earth disappeared and Chloe found herself in a dark place lit by white stars and unknown colors. Her heart stilled, frozen in her chest, as she looked around. She shivered and rubbed her arms. She stood upon nothing and a sensation of falling laid hold of her. She had to get out of here, now! But where? How? With wide eyes, she spun around, fighting that powerful urge and seeking a way out. Her heart was in her throat, pounding wildly!

When it seemed the fear would undo her, a warmth settled onto her skin. It permeated her, transforming into a calmness that soothed. Her breathing and heart beat slowed to a normal rate. Chloe knew. Max was here. She looked for her and saw in the distance a group of stars moving.

Before her ever widening eyes, the stars merged with nebulae forming a shape she would always recognize. Her heart and breath stilled again, this time caught by the beauty forming before her eyes. Chloe blinked and found herself back in the park. She stepped toward the form materializing in the air, light and matter streaming to it.

Max slowly descended to the Earth, her feet seeming to float above it. Her shoulders were slumped and her head hung low. She took a cautious step, raised her head and scanned the area. The look on her face tore at Chloe's heart, worn and fatigued beyond anything. And something else. The weight of the Universe was on her and it showed. Chloe cried out her name and Max looked at her. Her smile was like the sun breaking through the night's gloom.

They ran toward each other, Max with a stumbling gait that threatened to bring her down. When they met, Chloe realized she was crying, her tears marring her sight of Max as she took the smaller woman into her arms.

With a choked, jubilant cry she spun Max around. In that moment she realized she thought Max had been consumed by the rift, forever separating them. Now they were together and her happiness was complete. A long kiss sealed her joy, arms around Max and holding her tight.

Around them life grew, blossomed, and died. Mountains thrust upward, then crumbled into the seas that formed in their shadow. Civilizations rose and fell, and their kiss took them to destinations unknown. When at last they parted, Chloe couldn't speak. Being with Max was enough. Max seemed in agreement. She stood gazing into Chloe's eyes with a fondness that infused new meanings of love in Chloe's heart.

"Did it work," she whispered, scared at the answer but needing to know. "Is the breach healed?"

Max looked into her eyes. “Yes, but…” The way she hesitated pulled at Chloe’s heart.

“What is it,” she whispered, trying to instill confidence in Max by her voice alone.

“I… I’m not… I’m no longer…” Max turned her head away, eyes closing and face souring.

“I know,” she said breathlessly, “It doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re here and we’re together. You and I.”

Running fingers through Chloe's hair, Max said, "I am Max Caulfield and I love Chloe Price."

* * *

They walked hand-in-hand across the field, Emma between Max and Chloe. Behind came Kate and Lewis, also holding hands and satchels of food. Emma laughed and giggled as she was swung into the air, her feet kicking at the end of the arc.

A tree provided needed shade and they stopped. Within minutes a picnic was setup, complete with checkered cloth. Once done, Emma persuaded Chloe to play chase and they ran among the flowers and grasses.

Max lay down on the cloth, eyes fixed on the blue sky that peeked through the branches. Kate lay nearby, her head angled close to Max.

“Your story is amazing,” Kate whispered. Distant laughter and fake frustration danced along the light breeze to their ears.

“What will you do now?”

The light filtering through the tree was green and gold. Max watched it dance as a breeze wafted through the leaves. “I’m taking one day at a time,” she said.

Above her, motes danced in the light, causing little sparkles. “May I… show you something,” she asked. Fear gripped her breath, holding it captive inside her.

Kate turned and lifted her head. “Do you mean one of your… abilities?” What was that in Kate’s voice? It wasn’t fear or judgment, but something else. Max nodded.

She closed her eyes, hearing Kate and Lewis confer in hushed tones. She paid attention to the sounds of the world instead of the words of her friends. The breeze in the tress, the distant cry of birds. No traffic sound was present, which delighted her.

“Yes.” Kate’s answer was cautious.

The lack of judgment loosened fear’s grip on her chest. Breath flowed out and in. The world went still and Max opened her eyes.

Sparkles hung in the air between them and the sky, refracted light frozen like gems. Kate sat up and tentatively touched a sparkle. It moved slightly at her touch, wobbling to the side a fraction. “Wow,” she said under her breath.

A cry of wonder split the air as Emma discovered the frozen world. Max rose and spied little Emma pointing at a bunny caught in mid jump. Chloe flashed Max a smile, then went to the girl’s side.

“You,” Kate said in wonder, “are a marvel of creation.”

I am a freak of nature. Max pushed that thought from her mind before it took root and destroyed this happy moment. Kate and Lewis stood and joined their daughter. Together the three explored the area, spying new things only possible within the bubble of time.

Chloe gave them a warning about not wandering too far then came and sat next to Max. Their hands came together between them. “Emma got to pet the bunny,” Chloe said. “It’s a wonderful gift you’ve given them.”

Max shrugged. “After all the ruin I’ve caused, doing something nice…” She couldn’t complete the thought.

“You aren’t a freak, Max.”

“What am I then?”

“You are Max Caulfield. My girlfriend.”

“Sing for me, please?”

And Chloe sang.

* * *

_Nearly two months have passed since Chloe and I healed the breach in time._ ~~_Day by day I’m getting better._ ~~ _I keep wondering when it will come to an end. Chloe tells me to take it one day at a time, and we do._

_We’ve met a few more reborn Chloes, and we see the Captain a lot. Being around her brings too many painful memories. I skip a lot of their practices and concerts, which isn’t fair to Chloe. The two get along well, and Eli is fun to be around. I just..._ ~~_I am weak and don’t deserve someone as good as Chloe. Somedays I just want to die._ ~~

_Chloe keeps looking for different ways to help me. I went to a couple of therapists, but couldn’t really share what was going on. How do you explain to a stranger what I did and can do? One gave me a prescription for sleeping pills because I keep having nightmares about Chloe dying. All her deaths… I keep reliving at night._

_I don’t know where I’d be without Chloe. Her ability to ‘channel’ her love through her power helps me so much! She only does it on really dark days, which doesn’t happen too often. Still, she’s concerned with how much I depend on her. Honestly? I am too._

_I’ve managed to keep my job making sandwiches. Yay! Chloe visits me every day I work. She keeps teasing me about opening our own sandwich shop. Maybe some day._

_We’ve improved my plan for “reconditioning” as she calls it. That has helped. Thunderstorms don’t cause as much anxiety now. Chloe still comforts me when they come. I’ll never tire of that!_

_The first two weeks after closing the breach were the best! No sense of dread; Chloe and I became closer than ever. The night I was finally able to open myself to her, to have sex with her is special to me. But it happened the same day that we met the first doppel-Chloe… Seeing them should make me happy._ ~~_What is wrong with me?_ ~~

_Exciting news since last I wrote: Rachel proposed to Steph. That night I had to sleep with my earplugs in. Those girls are loud! Chloe got really frisky in bed, but I just couldn’t bring myself to be intimate with her while…_ ~~_I’m such a failure_ ~~ _Chloe’s teased me about us being just as loud. Thankfully neither of the others joined in her teasing._

_What has helped me a lot is working with Kate on her new project. We’ve spent almost every weekend at her house. She’s turning some of my experiences into children’s books. Being with her and Emma and Lewis is very calming. The first story will be about River._

Max closed her journal and set it and the pen on the bedside table. The heels of her hands pressed against her head, trying to shove away the thoughts that pummeled her. Writing in her journal was supposed to help her, not make her feel like shit. Yet, that’s what it did tonight.

Next to her Chloe snored softly. Or she would if Max hadn’t locked herself in a time bubble. Shutting herself away was not a good idea, but Max didn’t want to disturb her.

No good. She was no good.

Giving each Chloe a new chance at life didn’t wipe away the fact she brought about so many of their deaths. It didn’t change that she had destroyed everything. Twice.

She was a freak. Not even human. She didn’t know what she was. No one did.

Taking a deep breath she tried to focus on other things. Opening her journal she turned to the first page.

_Chloe loves you._

_You are valuable._

_You are loved._

_I forgive myself for not being perfect._

The words blurred together after that and she closed the journal. She returned it to the table and wiped her eyes. When Chloe suggested the affirmations she had scoffed. Telling herself the sayings seemed liked nonsense. What surprised her is that some days it did help. Tonight though…

She picked up her phone and looked at the time. The date caught her eye and suddenly she knew! All day she’d wanted to cry and she couldn’t explain it. Now she cursed herself for forgetting. She’d been so caught up in trying to rebuild a life and heal and recover that she’d missed what today was.

Her heart fell away and her hair stood on end. A small part of her mind released the time bubble, the part that knew she needed someone right now more than ever.

She tore at her hair, pulling it painfully. Her throat burned and her chest seemed too small for her lungs. Shudders wracked her body as she tried to suppress her grief. No! She shouldn’t cry; she didn’t deserve it! She was such a fucking failure!

Her breath came in a ragged hiss and next to her Chloe stirred. No, no, no! Now she’s waking up Chloe. She had work tomorrow. She doesn’t need the burden of a weak, crying fuck-up of a girlfriend!

Why wouldn’t the bed just swallow her up? Why?

“Max?”

She couldn’t answer, burying her head in her arms and trying not to make a sound.

Her girlfriend knew her too well. A hand slid across her shoulders, pulling her tight against Chloe.

Tears dropped steadily from her nose to her pajamas, forming a wet spot that spread quickly. “What is it,” Chloe asked, her voice warm and concerned.

“Tomorrow,” Max choked. Her voice wasn’t her own. Speaking hurt as her throat tried to both inhale and exhale simultaneously. “Tomorrow is River’s birthday.”

There was a moment of silence, before Chloe pulled her into her lap. She wrapped Max’s favorite blanket around them, tucking the softness next to her cheek, just like Max liked it. “I’m sorry,” Chloe whispered, before placing a small kiss on her forehead. “It’s ok to cry. You cared for River a lot. Feeling loss and missing them is ok.”

Max looked at Chloe, her features blurry and obscured by both darkness and tears. “I know… I know I’m fucked up and we shouldn’t talk about this right now but… can we at some point talk about… about having a child.”

Lips pressed against her forehead again. “Sure, Max, we can talk about it. We… we need to get some things worked out first. Right now… right now you need to let yourself grieve.” She tucked Max’s head under her chin and began rocking gently.

And Max let herself grieve. At some point she thought the bedroom door opened, but she may have imagined it. She cried and gave voice to her doubts and fears and self-accusations. And Chloe whispered words of love and truth and assurance.

The morning came with Max still cradled in Chloe’s arms. The snuggly blanket wrapped both of them. Her heart was heavy when Max opened her eyes to a grey world.

Max’s body and mind dragged through the day with shuffling feet and foggy thoughts. At work during break, after screwing up several sandwiches, she sat in the small employee room. Unlocking her phone, she found the picture of Emma that Kate had sent her after their visit. Her fingers touched it, wondering what River would be like.

Her phone vibrated and a notification showed a new text message. Touching the notification, she read the message. It was from Kate. All it said was “You are a great mom and River would have adored you.”

She read it over and over, until the words were too blurry to read. Wiping her eyes, she moved to put the phone away when it vibrated again. Another message from Kate. “Emma made something for you.” There was an attachment. She zoomed in, then almost dropped the phone. It was a picture of Emma and River, playing.

How she made it through the rest of work Max didn’t know. She worked without thinking, eyes open without seeing. At long last, work came to an end. Max stepped from the shop into the afternoon heat, turned and began walking. There was no destination in mind, she simply walked.

 **Chloe** : Max? Where are you?

 **Chloe** : Max? I’m scared.

sorry… I’m just, I’m just walking. I need to walk: **Max**

 **Chloe** : where are you? I’ll come walk with you.

no I’ll be ok: **Max**

 **Chloe** : I won’t. Please, let me come walk with you?

Max didn’t know where she was, neither in mind nor in body. All she knew was walking. She had given and given and given until that’s all she knew how to do. Taking and receiving were things she no longer knew.

Even the Chloes from other timelines she’d given away. She was beyond their help now. She had given until nothing remained inside her, and then she had given even that away.

And she didn’t know how to fill that void. She wasn’t human or even a person, she was a walking shell. Not even a whole shell either. She was broken beyond repair, beyond recognition. Beyond wanting.

Only that wasn’t true. There was Chloe, who loved her. And she loved Chloe. She brought Chloe pleasure and joy. Chloe talked with her, real, open and honest conversations. Chloe trusted her. Chloe loved her.

A hand took hers and she looked up. Next to her walked Chloe, with worried face and tight smile. She should wonder how Chloe found her, but she didn’t. No matter where she went, Chloe would always find her. And she would always find Chloe.

Max stopped in mid-stride and looked at the blue-haired beauty next to her. She studied the curve of her face, the light in her eyes, her stance and the way she moved. Whatever bond they had transcended even time and space, because no matter how many timelines Max had visited, no matter how many realities she destroyed, there was one true constant. They were Max and Chloe. And they always found each other.

She had emptied herself of everything to give Chloe a chance at a better future. Never did Max expect that would include giving herself a chance at a better future. Yet, that’s what happened.

It didn’t matter to Chloe that she was something other than human. Chloe didn’t see her as a messy pile of problems to solve, problems that should push people away. Neither did Kate, Steph, or Rachel. They saw and accepted her for who she was, problems and all. They loved her and cared for her despite all that. Even though she didn’t understand that.

At that moment, Max realized how to fill that eternal emptiness inside her. All it took was accepting this life. Accepting being loved by Chloe, and having the support of good friends like Steph, Rachel, and Kate. Accept their love for her, and use it to fill the void.

Or…

Max leaned up and kissed Chloe, a soft, sweet kiss. With her arms around her waist, she laid her head against Chloe’s chest.

“Are you ok, Max?”

“I was lost.”

“But… now you aren’t?”

“Now… Now, I’m home.”

The End


	36. Epilogue

_What do you do when you are space-time and your wife is a channeling empath that can walk the astral planes (Note: need a better term!) with you? Why, you go on epic adventures! Pirate adventures. Or, as Chloe likes to say, we fuck with the Universe._

_And fuck we have-_

Heat rose quickly into her neck and face when Max wrote that. Her pen moved to strike it out, but she stayed her hand. Challenging her hangups, and own thoughts were among the ways she’d come this far.

_We’ve seen so many things, it would be impossible to recount, even though I have all the time I need. I’ve filled too many journals with our discoveries and adventures. We’ve see things that scientists on Earth couldn’t even imagine._

_And through it all Chloe has stayed with me. Our love has grown and become something new-_

“Momma! Momma!” Two young voices, speaking in unison, interrupted her thoughts. A bright smile lit her face as Max turned to look at her daughters. Her children of impossibility. Like their mother Chloe, their voices arrived before they did.

“What is it, River and Nebula,” she asked as they materialized in the room and ran to her side. Faces and eyes glowed with excitement as they looked at her.

“Momma Chloe says it’s time,” said River, her crystal blue eyes shining with an inner light.

Her children. Max and Chloe’s children. Born from love and circumstances she didn’t understand, and didn’t want to. They looked like miniature versions of their parents, with River favoring Chloe’s looks and personality and Nebula hers. At least to her and Chloe’s eyes. To everyone else, they looked identical.

Each head received a kiss, before Max said, “It is? We better hurry then!” She wove the same excitement and enthusiasm into her voice as her daughters’ had.

“Can we bring Emma,” Nebula asked, always the thoughtful and cautious one.

“Yes,” Max said, “Her mom already gave permission.” Emma was ten now, and still enjoyed doing things with her little ‘cousins’ as Kate liked to call River and Nebula.

She closed her journal and set aside her pen. Writing would happen later. Taking each girl by the hand, with a thought she shifted them from her room to Kate’s front porch.

Traveling this way still unnerved her, but the girls accepted it as a natural part of their life. Max wondered how school would go for the girls. She and Chloe needed to have a serious conversation about home schooling them, or something. The world, nay the Universe, wasn’t ready for a little Chloe with powers!

Nebula reached up and depressed the doorbell. Moments later a tall, lanky girl opened the door. Her blonde hair was done up in a braid. When she saw them on the porch, her eyes and face lit up almost as bright as the girls.

“Mom,” she cried, “River, Nebula, and Aunt Max are here!” She opened the door wide and waved them in. She gave the two younger girls a fist bump as they passed, reserving a full hug for Max. Emma was nearly her height now. She was getting her growth early.

From the kitchen shuffled Kate, large in her late term. That didn’t stop her from keeping her routines, which included baking and writing. A light dusting of white on her hands told Max that much. Hand on her back, she came over and gave Max a sisterly kiss on the cheek.

“Right about now I’m a bit jealous of you,” Kate said with a laugh.

“Why?” Max shut the door behind them and Kate gave her a look.

Kate looked at the girls, her belly, then at Max. “Because… you didn’t go through this.”

“Oh.” Awkward, Max looked away, a dull ache inside. A hand on her arm brought her eyes back to Kate.

“I’m sorry,” Kate whispered, “didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

A thin smile washed over Max’s face. “It’s ok,” she reassured her friend. “I don’t want you having to watch everything you say around me. You care, and I know you aren’t trying to hurt when you say things.” Her eyes drifted to Kate’s belly.

“May I,” she asked, with a gesture to the belly. In answer, Kate gently took Max’s hand and placed it on her belly. She moved it until she found the spot she wanted.

“Just wait a moment,” Kate whispered. Around them the three girls looked on in silence. After a moment, Max felt it, the kick of the life inside. Closing her eyes she slipped into herself and tapped into the Universe.

Before her spread out the possibilities of the child’s life inside Kate. That’s not what she looked for though. She looked closer, nearer in time until she found what she wanted.

“May I… do something for you,” Max asked, her voice distant. Her eyes barely saw Kate, and the slight crease in her forehead.

“Do… what?”

Now her eyes focused to see the hesitation lining Kate’s eyes, the uncertainty in the set of her mouth, the hands that hovered over her own. “I can see all possibilities of your child and you. Their beauty and grace and joy and more. May I remove the uncertainty of childbirth?”

“What does that mean?” Kate didn’t disguise the disbelief and hesitation in her voice.

“It means,” and Max lifted her hands to take Kate’s. Around them the children stood, watching the adults. Emma was raising her hand to her mother, ready to offer comfort or support. “You will have nothing to worry about for you or your child. No complications.”

“You can do that?” Wonder now filled Kate’s voice.

“Yes.”

Silence greeted that word and Kate looked away. In Max’s hands Kate’s went limp, cold.

“Will… how… if…” Kate kept starting questions she couldn’t finish. After a long time she looked at Max and held her eyes. “Thank you, Max,” she finally said. “I must decline.”

Max’s heart sank at the response, but she must respect Kate’s decision. All sentient beings deserved agency, the most basic of rights. To remove that was to set herself above them, and she was not fit for that role. “Ok,” she said softly, dropping her hands.

“Aunt Kate, is Emma still allowed to go with us,” Nebula asked. Her hand slipped into Max’s. Both girls were highly attuned to their parent’s thoughts and feelings, with Nebula slightly more attentive to Max than River was.

“Yes, dear,” Kate said. She turned and made her way to the couch. “Bring me a few things before you go though.”

“We’ll keep her away only a minute or two,” Max said, her voice soft and warm.

“I’m sure you will, but I need to rest a few minutes and a drink would be nice.” The girls swarmed the kitchen and returned with a drink and snack for Kate, who now reclined on the couch.

“Have fun, daughter,” Kate said, “and make certain you tell me all about it!”

“I will mother!” Emma bent and kissed her mom tenderly.

“Join hands, girls,” Max said, no longer able to meet Kate’s eyes. The living room was immediately replaced by a bleak setting of monochromatic ground and rocks.

Her daughters shouted in delight and ran toward an outcrop of rock, Emma firmly in tow. “Don’t let go of Emma,” Max called after them.

A hand slipped onto her waist and she leaned into the warmth that appeared at her side. “Hey good looking,” Chloe said as she kissed Max’s hair.

“Hi love,” Max said, her voice neutral.

“What’s the matter?”

“Why do you think something’s the matter?”

“Max…”

Max sighed and turned to look at Chloe. “I offered Kate a childbirth without problems and she declined.”

“And you accepted that?”

Max nodded.

“That’s great!”

“No it’s not. There’s a possibility she’ll die in childbirth. An elevated possibility.”

“Oh.” Chloe’s hands went to her back and lightly stroked it. The soothing motion encouraged Max to close her eyes and sink into the sensations.

“But it’s not 100% certain, is it?”

“No. Just… I can’t bear the thought of Emma losing her mom.” Max looked up into Chloe’s eyes. “Like you lost your dad.”

“Ah. Accepting what life wants to hand us sucks doesn’t it?”

“Yes it does.”

Chloe tilted her head and planted a small kiss on the tip of Max’s nose. “I’m proud of you.”

“Why?”

“Because of how far you’ve come. The old Max would have changed that possibility without asking, wouldn’t she?”

After a moment’s consideration, Max nodded. She stood on her toes to kiss Chloe’s nose. It was so unfair that her wife was taller than her!

Chloe slipped her hands into Max’s back pockets, holding her tight against her curves, such as they were. “Not only did you ask, you respected her decision. That’s why I’m proud of you.”

Max snuggled against her, hands sliding into Chloe’s pockets as well.

A shout of delight broke their tender moment. They broke apart, slid hands into each others, and approached the girls. “It’s starting mommy,” shouted River.

Next to her, Emma squealed. “Look Aunt Max! Look!”

Max and Chloe looked above them where a magnificent display unfolded. Meteors by the hundreds shot across the sky with brilliant flaming tails of magnificent colors. Beyond them could be seen a comet, close enough to see with the naked eye.

Chloe pulled Max into a hug. In front of them the girls squealed and shouted and jumped. Fingers laced through Max’s hair and she looked up at the beauty that made the celestial display seem mundane. Chloe bent her head and they kissed.

And Max decided her wife was right. The outcome was only a possibility, not set.

Her heart filled with love, her own love vibrant and healthy, for her wife. She broke the kiss and looked into Chloe’s eyes. “Use your power, please,” she whispered.

“Why,” Chloe asked with tilted head. Their foreheads touched and she looked into eyes that contained the wonders of the Universe.

“Because I want you to feel my love for you.”

And Chloe did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make Your Own Choice owes a lot to people throughout the Life Is Strange community. Your passion for these characters demonstrated through different kinds of fanworks, or your own comments, stimulate my creativity and motivation. In particular I want to thank the following people whose contributions, both directly and indirectly, influenced Make Your Own Choice
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> Alissa (<https://twitter.com/AlissaDrayson>). Your LiS discussions on Twitter bring so much joy and passion into this world. Your care and love for the characters of LiS 1 and BtS are deep. I value our conversations and your thoughts, many of which find their way into my stories.
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> Kamil Leziak (<https://twitter.com/KamilLeziak>) Your warm reception of my early drafts encouraged me to share Shards and MYOC with the world. Thank you for beta reading and for your encouragement.
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> Dan (<https://twitter.com/DanielHugoGray>) Your enthusiasm for my early drafts helped me overcome my fear of sharing these stories. Thank you.
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> Chaumein (<https://twitter.com/Qwertyuiop17623>). Your art inspires me! Literally. Your art inspired me to write stories and gave me good things to think about when writing was hard. I look forward to seeing more works from you as you explore your skill and style.
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> Zeitgeist8281 (<https://twitter.com/Zeitgeist8281>). Your questions and passion for LiS and MYOC helped keep me going. Thank you for your beta feedback.
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> Moritz Wolf (https://twitter.com/MWolfLFC) Along with Dan and Kamil, your excitement and appreciation for early drafts motivated me to share MYOC. Your persistence in the face of life inspires me.
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> Thomas (https://twitter.com/tom_mackelway) Many of our discussions in Alissa’s polls helped rejuvenate me when writer’s block hit. You helped bring different perspectives and your questions stimulate my creativity.
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> Thomas Murch (https://twitter.com/ThomasJohnMurch) May your puns never run out, and your writing well never run dry. Our punful banter sparks my creativity like nothing else.
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> Lonesome Bard (<https://twitter.com/LonesomeBard>). Thank you for helping bring the scene of young Max and Chloe dancing to life!
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> HopliteKate (<https://twitter.com/HopliteKate>). Thank you for being one of my beta readers. Your input was helpful and made the story better.
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> A special thanks to my good friend Epic Glitter (<https://twitter.com/EpicGlitterYay>). You helped me to have a deeper appreciation for various issues faced by the LGBTQ community, minorities, and many other social matters. So many scenes and parts of MYOC would not be the same without you and your input. Your patience and honest feedback was crucial for making MYOC what it is.
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> Dedicated to River.


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